Original subtitles

I must say, it's been a very quiet weekend.

Oh, it was bound to be. They're a silent order.

Look out, here they come.

I think we ought to line up in our saying farewell position.

We hope you enjoyed your stay.

What have you got, Mr. Rump? Oh, and the abbot's just offered me a free

trial weekend as a novice in the monastery.

Oh, the poor thing's in bare feet. However, are they going to manage across

gravel?

Shut the door, Peacock.

Shut it yourself.

Can I have a word with you, Captain Peacock? In fact, can we all gather

We have just witnessed another example of the undermining of my authority.

Would you care to be more specific?

Yes, I would.

In my position as manager of this establishment, which was clearly

young Mr. Grace's will, I am being frequently undermined by a member of the

staff. If I make a suggestion, he comes up with one which he thinks is better.

Oh, it's the he.

I hope you don't think it's me, Mr. Rumble.

I've never been considered uppity.

Well, not as far as my work's concerned.

Oh, no, no, Mr. Humphries. It's not you I'm complaining about.

I can handle you perfectly well.

Why don't you come out in the open, Mr. Rumbold, and say that I am undermining

your authority?

Mainly because you have precious little authority to undermine.

You're absolutely right, Captain Peacock. You mean sweet Fanny Adams in

darling.

Well, may I remind you that I answer directly to Mr. Thorpe of the

If anything goes wrong, I have to carry the can.

Look, if any of you think that I'm not up to the job, you should drop or say

You're not up to the job.

Oh.

Well, that's cleared the air.

Hands up those who think I should be in charge.

That's cleared the air again, isn't it?

The point is, if we're anything at all, we're a democracy.

An authority is conferred by common consent. But in her case, dead common.

That's quite right, Mr Rumble. We don't mind you being in charge. If only you

wouldn't keep rubbing everybody up the wrong way.

Yeah, you get right up my...

Sometimes. Well, I thought I was very popular.

Just trying to do my job.

I know that perhaps I make mistakes from time to time, little ones.

Everyone does.

It's just that since Mrs. Rumboldt left me for Mr. Prentiss of tools and

hardware, I've probably been a bit introverted.

You know, I was often worried about Mr. Prentiss of tools.

He offered me some very unusual attachments for my black and decker.

Well, perhaps we can be more understanding with you if you, in

less pompous with us.

Anybody see Mr.

Rumbles? Mr. Moulton, you do not come in through the front door. Wipe your feet,

take your hat off, and say excuse me before you interrupt.

What's bit him this morning?

His wife ran off with a do -it -yourself expert.

Well, I've been asked to pass on a challenge from the local pub.

Their team wants to know if you'll play them at darts.

Now, what do I tell them?

Well, a moment ago, I would have said no, but now I hesitate to make a

You play darts, Mrs. Floaker.

She scored a bullseye with me in Tiverton.

Surprised all the lads when she pulled off a double top.

To go down memory lane again, Mr. Moulthard.

Well, I think it would be good for public relations if we, so to speak,

with the locals, as I'm sure Mr. Rumble was about to suggest.

Yes, it would be nice to acquaint ourselves with their customs.

Well, I'll tell them then, and I shall need some help outside.

We've got to get them sheep onto the trailer, and it is more than me and

can manage.

Right, come along then. That is, if... Everyone would be prepared to lend a

hand. Well, perhaps we ought to change into more suitable attire, Mr Rumbled.

Absolutely right, Mrs Slocum. What a good suggestion.

I'm so glad you mentioned it.

Oh, I preferred him when he was bossy and horrible.

Where did you get that hat?

Oh, my pen pal sent it to me from Australia.

Are you supposed to wear it turned up on the right or turned up on the left?

Well, if you have it turned up on the right -hand side like that, it means

you're in the army.

If you have it on the left -hand side, it means you come from Queensland.

You can wear it like this just to be on the stateside.

Dad's just fixing the tractor.

Oh, thank goodness.

It brings out the mother in me.

They look like a lot of thermals. Yes.

Where are they going?

Next door as farmers bought them.

Yes, we're making a good profit out of them. That is, if everyone agrees.

Yeah. Shouldn't we have one of them sheep dogs like they have on the

Oh, Dad used to have one of them. Used to control it with his silent whistle.

Then he got his new false teeth and he could never hit the right note again.

Thank you. It went for the lack of trying.

He spent all day blowing away.

Didn't the dogs take any notice?

No, they just ignored him.

We ended up surrounded by a lot of bats.

Dealing with sheep must seem very tame to you, Captain Peacock, after your hand

-to -hand encounter with the Gestapo Alsatian when you were parachuted into

Yugoslavia during the war.

All the years I've known you, Captain Peacock, and you've never mentioned it.

Well, it was only recently that MI5 gave permission to release some of the

details. Well, it must be true about the Alsatian. He actually showed me the

teeth marks.

He got them from Miss Adamsbrook in account.

Appreciate it, Miss Lovelock, if you would not reveal those things which I

from time to time, mentioned to you in confidence.

Does that include Mr. Rumbold's hemorrhoid?

You, Captain Peacock, you take the hurdle away. Mr. Rumpris, you get behind

with me and we'll get them going.

I've never got sheep going before. Isn't it a special method?

Why don't you get at them?

Right, now the rest of you, stand either side of the ramp and make sure they

don't get out of sight before they get on the trainer.

Right. Are we ready?

Ready. With your permission, Sir Rumble.

Go.

Look along.

Oh, that's done it.

That'll give me the strap for this.

Oh, don't worry.

I'll tell him it wasn't your fault.

I suppose you'll give me the strap.

Are you all ready? I decided, with your permission, that we would proceed to the

pub in young Mr. Grace's daimler with his pride and joy.

He was mad about his car. He had an old racing Bentley.

He'd love me to drive with the top down.

Some of the villagers still talk about it.

That's a sight that'll live in the memory.

Follow me, then.

Please.

Quite a museum piece.

Does it go?

Oh, yeah.

I turns it over once a week.

Depression's good.

Be careful of your appliance, Dad.

I heard something go.

I think she's stark now. You can get in.

I love the smell of

real leather.

Mention real head.

If I'm not mistaken, dead headache.

They do say it used to belong to a Marjorie Roger from India.

Oh, yes.

There's still some curry on the floor.

Flattened another hen.

I'll try. That is, if everyone's agreeable. How long is he going to go on

that?

I say, well, sir, that doesn't appear to be a tax dip.

Oh, we don't bother about things like that round these parts.

All you need is a beer label.

How nice to find a bit of the spirit of old England, miss.

Oh, look, there's one of those speaking tubes.

Mr. Graves used to use it to give instructions when we had a chauffeur.

Oh, and what did he used to say?

Keep your eyes on the road?

Mr. Rumbled!

Mr. Rumbled!

Can you hear me?

Very faintly.

Not that I mind, of course.

Let me have a go, Dad.

Mr.

Grace didn't have to do much, did he?

You might have mentioned that apart from missing taxes, we were also missing

some petrol.

Oh.

Well, if that doesn't impress the locals, nothing will.

Oh, there's Malcolm's bike.

He'll not like it, me being here with you.

Well, you just bring me half a shandy and I'll have it outside in the car. I

don't mind.

No, no, you must go inside, Mr. Humphries.

Malcolm's just a bully.

Good morning, Morris.

Are you the driver of this vehicle, sir?

Well, seeing that I'm sitting behind the wheel, it would hardly take a Sherlock

Holmes to come to that conclusion.

Well, perhaps Sherlock Holmes will also notice that instead of a tax disc...

You're driving with a label from a bottle of Newcastle brownie.

Is that all you've got to say for yourself?

I told him about that, Percy.

I said you'll never get away with it. These town folk thinks we're all stupid.

I'm afraid for it. There's only one course open to me.

Take a bribe.

I've never been in here before.

It's really rather cosy.

Where is everybody?

Are we the first?

Landlord? Where's Malcolm?

Oh, don't you bother about him.

Half the blokes in the village is after Mavis.

At least with you, I know she's in safe hands.

Don't go on like that.

Good evening, Mrs. Slocum. Your usual.

I thought you said you'd never been in here before.

Oh, well, now I remember. I have been in just once when I was shopping.

But only for a minute.

This is the mob from the manor. Oh, well, I was not waiting for you in the

public bar, drinking scrumpy.

Shall we have a small tincture before we go in?

Oh, what a good idea, Captain Peacock.

This rounds on me.

Double whiskey.

Last gin and tonic for me.

And me.

Same for me.

I'll have a pint, it's scrumpy.

Same for Mr. Humphreys.

Oh, no, no, no, I think I'd like a small port and lemon.

That won't put lead in your pencil.

I wasn't planning to write to anybody.

Will you use your point to stop me, Mavis?

Yeah, why not?

One of those that I really let myself go.

Now, don't you go getting Mr. Humphreys into trouble.

If she bothers you, you let me know.

I'll give her the strap.

She never bothered me up to now.

You haven't seen me after a pint of scrumpy yet.

Thank you very much, Sam. Take care now.

They're here from the manor. Here, Malcolm.

Young Mavis is with that young buck from up the hall. Now, I'm warning you, I'm

having no trouble in here.

If you want to sort him out, you take him round the back.

Right.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Millstone Manor dark team.

That's it.

Thanks all round for the Millstone Manor mob.

I'm Henry Heathcliff, Malcolm's dad.

Who's your captain, then?

Oh, well, we're a democratic team.

Well, since Captain Peacock is a captain already, perhaps we should make him the

captain. Well, with your permission, Mr. Rumble.

Pleased to meet you.

I'm the one who bought them lambs off you. Oh, nice to know they're in good

hands.

First team to empty their glasses wins the toss.

Excuse me, do you think I could have a port and lemon?

Of course you can, my dear.

Pour it in the scrumpy.

Thank you. Right.

One, two, three, go.

Oh, that paint stripper.

You're spilling it, Mrs. Slocum. I know, I've melted half my sequins.

Looks like we won the toss.

Fill them up. We can't go empty during the contest. Well, Malcolm, what say we

give them first throw?

Suits me.

Here's your dark.

Thank you.

Oh, ladies first. Mrs. Logan.

Well, half a tick. I just have a drop left.

101 up.

She sounds like she knows what she's doing.

I know you.

I've seen you play darts before.

You was Morris's bird in Tiverton.

One down, two to go.

You was known as a Tiverton bicycle.

If anybody else has fond memories of Tiverton, will they kindly speak now

I throw me last dart?

Keep your nerve, Mrs. Slocum.

Double top 40.

That Malcolm staring at you through the bottom of his beer glass.

Oh, he's not staring at me. He's staring at you.

He's trying to frighten you.

Well, I must say, the sight of an eyeball magnified through that is a bit

unnerving. 98.

Your turn next, Mr. Humphrey.

Oh, it's my turn.

Now stand back, I can go wild at times.

Would someone explain this game to me?

You're supposed to hit the board.

Oh, that one going round and round and round.

One! Is that good?

No.

That makes a hundred and two.

Oh, you're wonderful, Mr. O 'Brien.

You keep your hands off her.

Don't you push him. I'll push you, I like it. Don't you push her. Don't you

me. You behave yourself.

Don't you push my lad.

Or you and me will step outside.

Oh, I shouldn't step outside with Captain Peacock. He was trained by the

Japanese over -carby.

Yes. Well, unfortunately, I'm not allowed to use it unless there's a war.

There'll be a war here in a minute.

Stand aside, Peacock. And I don't particularly like the look of you.

Right.

Outside with you.

I shall be delighted.

Boy, that'll kill him.

Well, come on, then, if you fancy it.

I do fancy it.

Well, then, are you going to have a go?

Go on, then.

You can have a go first.

I will do.

Come on, then.

You come on.

I'll come on when I'm ready.

Miss Brahms, I've been talking to that farmer over there.

And you know those sweet little sheep we sold?

Well, Malcolm's dad is going to sell them to the butchers.

Do you think if we asked him nicely, he'd give us them back?

Oh, I don't think now's a good time to ask.

He's just taken Mr Rumbolt outside, and I think he's going to kill him.

We'll see about that.

Pass me that bottle of light ale.

Right, watch me gin and tonic.

I'm just... ..working myself up to it.

I've worked up already.

May I say a word on behalf of Millstone Manor? What is it, then?

It's this.

Oh!

Dear, I was quite capable of dealing with that man.

Well, I got my gender up. And so did I, and it's unusual for me.

You were wonderful, Mr. Humphrey.

Control yourself so you didn't hit that Malcolm.

Yeah, especially after he called you a weedy little git.

You never moved.

Well, I was suffering from a well -known condition known as temporary paralysis.

Well, we didn't do a lot for our public image.

No, but at least Mrs. Slocum laid out the local bully.

Well, yes, but we got ourselves banned from the local pub.

Well, I'm still worried about those sheep. If we don't do something quickly,

they'll be in the butchers by tomorrow.

What did you think they were going to do with them?

I just thought they were going to grow wool.

There's not much we can do.

Well, I suggest we try to get them back.

We can hardly do that.

Why not? If somebody nipped John Wayne's cattle, he'd have been on his horse and

over there quick as a flash.

He'd have raised a pussy.

You organise something like that, Captain Peacock.

Yeah, do one of those commando -type raids, you know, like when you try to

Rommel. Yes, well, it's quite simple, of course, but I don't think we should

break the law.

Well, you could hardly complain if we take the sheep and leave the money.

I've still got the cash.

I haven't paid it in yet.

Come on, let's have a go.

Well, I'm game. I'm game.

What about you, Mr. Humphreys? Are you game?

Well, I always have been up to now.

You tell us what to do, Captain Peacock, and we'll follow your lead.

Right.

Damn. That strap's broken. I'll go and get another one.

He looks ever so sleepy.

Well, perhaps he isn't used to being aroused at one o 'clock in the morning.

Won't the horse's hooves make a bit of a clatter? I had already thought of that,

Mr. Rumbold.

I've asked Mr. Humphreys to prepare some sacking for its feet.

How are these, Captain Peacock? Oh, that's ever so good, Mr.

Humphreys. You're a dab ad with a needle and a bit of ribbon.

Good. What about the horseshoes? Excuse me. Would you mind lifting your foot up,

please? No.

You've got to be firm, Mr. Humphreys.

I'll hold it for you and you slip it on.

Right.

On board, everyone.

Mrs. Slocum, what are the garden shears for?

Well, don't we have to cut the telephone wires?

Ah, good. Good thinking.

Right. As soon as I fix this, we can go.

Miss Brahms, will you help me? Will you get up there and give me a hand?

Well, why don't you just jump up backwards and sit on me?

Oh, well... Mr.

Rumble, if we take a foot each, we may be able to get her up there. Come on.

Here we go. Oh, dear.

Get off, get off.

Oh, how ed pneumonia.

Please help.

Oh, Mr.

Humphreys, thank you. How kind.

Hold tight, everybody.

Off we go.

Pity we didn't bring some cream.

There's always something.

Stop, Miss Lovelock.

Mr Humphreys, why don't you put on some of my cold cream? Oh, thank you, Mrs

Slocum.

On the axle, Mr Humphreys.

Miss Downbridge, you take the money and put it through the letterbox. What about

the dog?

Oh, you take the takeaway tandoori.

Good luck.

Miss Lovelock, you're in command of the cart.

Yes, Captain. You keep it here.

We crawl to the barn.

Miss Brown and Mavis, you keep a lookout.

Mrs. Slocum, you will open the barn door.

Mr. Rumbold and I carry out these sheep one by one and fetch them to the cart.

He's got care.

No,

no. It's just that rather a lot of cows have passed this way.

Anyway.

Hello, night doggy.

Come on.

Have some tandoori chicken.

Come on.

Tandoori chicken.

Well, who didn't like it either?

Oh, heck.

Get out of the way.

What's going on down there?

Get back in your kennel and belt up.

They're probably all asleep.

I said go!

leadership, Captain Peacock.

I refuse to take the blame.

Well, it was your plan.

I did not plan for Mrs. Slocum to fall on her backside and lose all the sheep.

Neither did I plan for Mr. Humphreys to give Henry all the money for nothing.

Do sheep have homing instincts?

Well, do we pay for the rest or take them back? Do you have a contingency

Captain Peacock?

Yes, I have.

A large drink and a hot bath.

Now, that's real ladyship, that is.