All language subtitles for Grace and Favour s02e04

Hello, Millstone Manor.

Who do you want?

Mr. Enfrith.

Well, hang on, I'll just wake him.

Mr. Enfrith?

Mr. Enfrith?

Oh, Mavis. It's your mother.

Well, to this time of the morning.

She's probably been to all night bingo.

Hello, Mother.

Yes, yes, that was a girl's voice you
heard.

Yes, she's the cook.

Yes, I help her in the kitchen.

No, I'm not in the kitchen now. I'm in
bed.

Shelling peas.

I don't want her to know too much.

No, she's just brought something up for
me.

My breakfast.

Mother, I'm sitting up in bed with a
boiled egg and half a dozen soldiers.

Hello? Hello, are you there?

The toast... Soldiers, Mother.

Yes, to dipping me egg.

Now, I'd better have it now, otherwise
it'll get cold. Bye -bye.

Haven't you told her that we're bunking
up together?

It's very old -fashioned, my mother. She
thinks I ought to save myself.

I think it's about time you cashed
yourself in.

I've waited so long, I'd probably
bounce.

No. Do you want to take the top off, or
shall I do it?

I beg your pardon?

Your egg!

weren't jumpy this morning.

I've had a very disturbed nightmare.

I dreamt I was married to Elizabeth
Taylor.

Me truck had gone out of control down
the Avenue of Stars.

I got Joan Crawford on the bonnet and
then the phone rang.

Well, hurry up and finish your egg.

We've got to help the dad plant the
taters. He's done his backing.

What's that back?

Oh, that'll be Captain Peacock and Miss
Lovelock.

Fixing the room up for Miss Brom. Hurry
up.

picture Mr.

Grace left me.

They might be useful to cover up blank
walls.

I'm not sure that the plaster will hold
them.

Look!

This is Wilfred, the fourth Earl of
Millstone.

Apparently there was a terrible scandal.

His wife's younger sister, Leonora, fell
madly in love with him.

Look. Terribly handsome.

They had an assignation in this very
attic.

His wife followed them and shot them
both dead.

I think there's a picture of her as
well. I'll go and get it.

Come in.

Eleanor. Wilfred.

Oh. Crush me in your strong arm.

One whiff of your heady perfume and
reason flies, leaving me at the mercy of

unbridled passion.

Is it mad?

Mad? I'm caught like a leaf in the
water, Vala.

As you ever want me.

Consumation will wait no longer.

Enough of wooing. Now.

For doing!

I couldn't let you in. I cannot look at
you.

It is.

This is the wife.

Oh, no wonder he went for the youngest.

I think it would look rather good over
here.

Well, we'll try anyway.

Now then, about there.

But it's only covered with paper.

Pay attention, everybody.

We don't want this potato -planting
business to take too long, so I devised

system which is rather more modern than
the old -fashioned way of doing things.

It's perfectly simple. I shall drive the
tractor and make two trenches.

Mrs. Slocum will tow the potato trailer,
Miss Brahms will sit on the potato

trailer and pass the potatoes to Mr.
Humphreys, who will put them in the

trenches. Now, Mr. Humphreys, put them
in... 14 inches apart. Is that clear? Do

I put them in with the eyes down or the
eyes up?

It really matters.

If they spend a week or two trying to
discover which way is up, we're going to

get a late crop.

Oh, very well.

Eyes up. Right, to your posts.

It's all very well being self
-sufficient, but I never thought I'd see

the back of a trailer slinging spuds.
It's very third world, isn't it? A

trailer. Look at it. It hasn't even got
a seat.

Well, if you like, Miss Brahms, you can
sit on the tractor and I'll sit on the

potatoes. No, it's all right. We don't
want to mash before they get into the

bread.

If you're going to get up my nose,
perhaps it's as well that Captain

fixing up the spare attic for you.

Is everybody ready?

Yes.

Start tractors.

in the trenches and those that are far
more than 14 inches apart you'll have to

do better than that it's perfectly
simple merely a matter of coordination

eyes up potato entrench eyes up potato
entrench move 14 inches eyes up potato

entrench eyes up potato entrench move

It's in here.

Oh, poor pussy.

I wonder how it got there.

Perhaps it was chasing a mouse.

What part was that?

Perhaps it didn't catch a mouse.

How did you find it?

We were decorating the attic for you,
Miss Browns. I'm not sleeping in a room

with a dead cat.

Look, they've covered it, covered the
hole with newspaper.

It's got a date on it.

1790.

Now, this would indicate that the poor
animal has been there, well, over 200

years. Oh, I've never seen one of those
before.

A 200 -year -old pussy.

Well, what are we going to do with it?

Well, I think we ought to give it a
decent burial somewhere near the chapel

a nice stone over it.

But we don't know its name.

Well, it could be a tourist attraction.

The Tomb of the Unknown Pussy.

No, I don't think it should be buried. I
mean, it could be of interest to the

local museum.

Oh, yes, I read about that in the paper.
That's where they've got that

fossilised bog man.

Where did they find him?

The local bog.

Had he been there long?

About 5 ,000 years.

I bet there was a queue outside.

we are trying to make, Mr. Humphreys, is
that objects like this, in a decent

state of preservation, are of interest
to antiquarians and should not be

I'll make some inquiries.

Oh, yes, there's bound to be an
association for the preservation of

pussies.

Let's go and look in the yellow pages.

We'll let our vendors do the walking.

It's very good of you to drive us to the
museum, Miss Lovelock. Oh, that's all

right. I'm the only one who knows where
it is.

You handle it very well.

Well, I'd often drive Mr. Grace.

He loved the motion, you know, bouncing
up and down while I was cracking the

wind. You know, despite his age, he was
his happiest when we went flat out.

I'd like to try that sometime.

Oh, it's so romantic, travelling along
like this.

One almost expects a handsome highwayman
to leap out of a cop's stride.

Crystal and death turned into liver.

That should get the adrenaline going.
Yeah, all you get nowadays is some yobbo

on a lampretta who snatches your
handbag.

Is that castle right?

It's in the box.

Miss Lovelock, would you try to avoid
the potholes?

These seats are rather firmly involved.

Now, you all go and find the curator,
and I'll park the horse.

Take my hand, Mrs. Slocum. Oh, I'm still
vibrating after that cobbled street.

Well, it might be romantic, Mrs. Slocum,
but it's no good for the rheumatics, is

it? Take them on the side, monkey.

Are you sure you're all right, Captain
Peacock? I've parked Centurion tanks,

Miss Lovelock. I think I can manage a
small pony and trap.

Be up, Nellie.

Come on.

Don't do anything we'd be ashamed of.

There must be someone.

We're shot.

I said we were shot.

I wish to see the curator of this
museum. I have a pussy of great

Yes, most interesting.

We have a few similar mummified felines
in our collection.

And it's in a remarkable state of
preservation.

Was there nobody with it?

None. I ask purely, you see, because
many years ago, it was the practice to

animals with their martyrs. Do you know,
we once discovered a Saxon king buried

with his horse.

Well, this was in the attic.

They'd never have got one up the stairs.

Yes, well, we would be delighted to
accept it as an exhibit. Now, while

here, we have one or two other
interesting items.

This here is the tooth of a mastodon.

This is a very large animal which roamed
these parts many, many years ago, long

before the Ice Age. Very similar to an
elephant, only much, much larger.

Is that all you've got?

Well, the tail was found 150 feet away.

What happened to the middle?

We couldn't get it there without
demolishing the express dairy.

Now, follow me.

This, this is very interesting.

This is Neff, but it isn't.

This is particularly interesting here,
but we are not sure whether this is part

of the wing of a pterodactyl or a rather
old umbrella.

We are waiting with bated breath for the
carbon dating.

And this is the famous bog man.

Would you say he was Neanderthal?

It's very hard to date here, you see.

I shouldn't think anyone would want to.

The only tool we have are the flint
implements they used at the time.

We think he was a potter. Do you see? He
still has his tool in his hand.

It's very well preserved.

Funny thing happened.

I went up to milk Daisy.

She gave a couple of squirts.

Then she...

Rattling before Dad?

What are you cooking?

Lemon meringue pie.

Oh, I'll have a bit of that when it is
ready. I'll just go and wash me hands.

Oh, it's nice and warm in here. It was
quite chilly on that track.

It's ridiculous.

Giving me a ticket for parking a horse.

What do you expect if you leave it on a
double yellow line?

Oh, there's not many of those around.
Where did you park?

Near the museum.

And Peacock found a dried -up moggy in
the attic, so we give it to him.

You found a dried -up cat in the attic?

Yes, in a hole in the wall.

And you took it away?

Yes. Oh, you shouldn't have done that!

You definitely shouldn't have done that
at all!

No wonder Daisy dried up.

Well, that cat was put there for a
reason.

It's to bring good luck upon the house.

It cancels out the bad and brings in the
good. Oh, superstitious nonsense.

you may say that, but look what happened
at the old millhouse when that young

couple moved in. Well, what happened?

We never found out.

Doesn't seem very conclusive.

There's an old saying round these parts.

Take a cat from the wall, bad luck shall
befall.

You find it in a niche, leave it where
it is.

no rise.

Mr. Rumble, are you all right?

I must sit down.

I went to the bathroom, I pulled the
chain, and the whole system fell on my

head.

I was lucky not to be killed.

When you're pulling the chain, watch out
for the brain.

Don't, don't mock, Mr. Enfrid. Me and
Dad take this very serious.

Well, we were very nearly hit by that
holiday coach coming back.

Well, I think we can put that down to
Captain Peacock's driving.

Mind you, there was also that poor man
who collapsed in the museum.

Well, the ferrule of your umbrella up
his nose might have had some bearing.

It's started.

I'll not set foot in this house till
that tat is back in the wall.

You come and go.

I'm thinking, Dad.

Well, let me know when you've thumped.

I, for one, shall stick it out.

What about you, Mr. Rumbolt?

Oh, I shall certainly stick it out. What
about you, Mr. Rumbolt? Are you going

to stick it out?

I shall do my very best.

Mind you, I'm not promising anything.

Well, I'm staying, and I am unanimous in
that.

Well, I'm starving.

Is there anything to eat? Oh, we've got
a nice lemon meringue pie in the oven.

Fantastic.

favorite. Right, you get it out, Mr.
Ophrys. There's ovencloth on the side.

I'll get the plate.

Whatever it was, I hope it's not coming
in here.

Let's all keep quiet. It might go away.

You're all being hysterical.

It's Jessica.

No, what was that scream?

It was like an old turd filling a bucket
with a pump in his pyjamas.

You see, everything has a perfectly
normal explanation.

I wouldn't have thought it was normal
having a pump in your pyjamas.

over the table tonight suddenly went
terribly cold and for no apparent reason

there was a gust of wind and the windows
blew open. Do you know, it's funny you

should say that. I wasn't going to say
anything because I thought you'd laugh

but just before I came downstairs the
lights in my bedroom flickered off and

and then me drawers flew open and I
promised you they were not

touched by human hands.

Was there any wind?

Are they male or female?

Well, they don't know what they are, but
they get up to all sorts of tricks, and

they usually do it at night.

I've met one or two of those.

You're all letting your imagination run
away with you. There's probably a

perfectly logical explanation.

I mean, the floors are bound to be
uneven in a house of this age, and Mrs.

Slocum's drawers probably dropped open
due to the vibration caused by a passing

lorry. Captain...

I can assure you that it would take more
than a passing lorry to make my drawers

fall to the ground.

You still haven't explained what come
out the oven, either. Well, I suppose

there's just a chance I could have used
bicarbonate of soda instead of sugar.

There you are, you see. A perfectly
reasonable explanation.

Mystery solved.

Who left a dead pig on the stairs?

Perhaps Mr. Moulton ordered one from the
butchers and was bringing it into the

kitchen to show us when he was
distracted.

Probably by the thud of Mrs. Slocum's
drawers.

Well,

I am going to bed.

And to demonstrate the little credence
that I give to the paranormal, I shall

sleep in the attic, in the room vacated
by the dead cat.

And you, Miss Lovelock, may have my
room.

Well, I think that was very gallant of
him. Is there a spare hot water bottle?

Now, Miss Lovelock, if you're at all
worried about anything, do remember that

Miss Brahms and I share the room next
door.

Yes, and she has tittles under the bed.

And at the slightest hint of anything
amiss, she runs straight up the

Just for the record, there is no pig on
the stairs. You must have imagined it.

Well, I never.

That would seem to cast some doubt upon
my sanity. And yet, mentally, everything

seems to be working perfectly normally.

Twelve eights are nine to six.

Reykjavik is the capital of Iceland.

Hadrian's Wall was built by Hadrian.
Yes, it's all there.

Who left six pounds of pork sausages on
the passage?

Oh, that's my fault. I left them there
while I was folding my umbrella.

Oh, sir, don't go back to that attic, I
beg you.

Well, you'll be lying there all by
yourself, facing forces unknown.

Come and bunk up with me and Mr. Enfrid.

That's very kind of you, Mavis, but I'd
rather face the unknown.

Oh, now I needn't change me pyjamas.

Now then, shall I take a sleeping pill
so that I don't know what's happening,

shall I take a tranquilizer so I don't
care?

Take both.

You know what I think?

I think we ought to go and ask for our
cat back and put it back in that hole.

I quite agree, Miss Brahms.

You know, I can't believe that a passing
lorry could move a heavy thing like

this.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you pretend you're a heavy
lorry and jump up and down and see if

fall out again?

She's pretending to be a happy lorry.

Juggernaut, more like.

Ooh,

that girl gets right up my nose.

Between you and me, Miss Brahms, you
know what I think she is?

What?

What?

A tart.

Miss Brahms, bung up that keyhole.

Mr. Humphreys, I can hear an horrible
ghostly knocking sound.

Mr. Humphreys, I can hear an horrible
ghostly knocking sound.

Well, stick your fingers in your ears,
right?

Captain Peacock!

Captain Peacock!

Begone, evil thing!

Stop it, Rumble!

Oh, no.

What do you want?

I've just heard a nun singing in the
bathroom.

Well, I suppose they had to go like
everybody else.

Can I come in with you?

No, I'll come in with you.

Mr. Empress, have you noticed how the
temperature's dropped?

I'm trying to ignore it.

Well, I think there's something we can't
see trying to tell us something we

don't know.

Very likely.

If we're not careful, we're going to
wake up dead.

That'll give us something to talk about.

Mr. Humphreys, do you feel a rising up?

Yes, I do, and if that isn't paranormal,
I don't know what is.

Well,

something's doing it, and it's getting
worse.

Perhaps we ought to see if everything's
all right with Mr. Humphreys.

Anything paranormal?

No, certainly unusual.

I've heard of that, Miss Clark.

What if we could see the person who
attended to us yesterday?

I believe he's a curator.

He's in the museum.

They've just gone to fetch him. Thank
you. He's in the museum.

May we ask you a small favor?

I have no time to do any more favors. My
wife has just left me.

The pterodactyl's wing turned out to be
an old umbrella after all.

Someone has stolen the bogman's tool and
substituted it with a bottle of Tizer.

And now...

Can we have our cat back?

Oh, take anything you like, madam. Take
anything you like. It's been nothing but

a catalogue of disasters.

He must be over here in the petrified

pussy section.

The question is, which one is ours?

Well, there's only one way to find out.

Mommy's taking you home.