Original subtitles

I know I do.

You gave Vicky those drugs, didn't you?

What the hell's

going on?

I can't go back to you locking me up every day.

I just, I can't.

Janine!

Again?

Yes. Here.

Miss Stoke won't be returning to Lark Hall.

She's handed in a notice, active immediately.

I have little choice but to offer you the position of acting room governor.

Janine, promise me you'll marry me as soon as you get out of here.

There's nothing I want more.

I don't care if I have to wait ten years.

What a difference a day makes. Only yesterday, domestic goddess Catherine

Earlham appeared on This Morning with this defiant message.

For someone to actually think that I could take money out of a pension fund

I set up for my staff?

She's guilty as thin. I don't believe that goody two -shoes act for a minute.

And in court today, there was no sign of a woman whose lifestyle empire may now

well be in ruins.

That woman's got me through my first marriage.

Well, mine was more of a liquid affair.

Yes,

but how do you explain the missing millions from the pension fund?

That's a very good question.

Let's go and hear the answer.

The judge's shocked decision to send her to prison pending trial may well have

wiped the smile off her face.

She's finally given you the key to the door, eh, Phil?

All good things to those that wait.

And unlike Stoke, I shall be duffing up the new SMO.

Look, um, I don't mind in private, but in front of the staff, it's Mrs Hollenby

or Wing Governor.

Right. Oh, Phil!

You'll never guess what. What? We've got Catherine Earlham coming in.

I love her stuff.

She'll be on remand two months.

CPS reckon they've got new evidence on her.

Taking money off pensioners. They should throw the book at her. Probably will.

She's a bird and she's loaded. Case closed.

Don't play that card.

She's made a fortune out of being a woman.

It's true, though. A woman gets too big for a boot, slap her down.

Rapist, psycho. Nah, let's bang up Catherine Earlham. She's a prisoner,

everyone else.

We've got area coming down.

I want this prison looking as though we've got some pride in it.

In the meantime, I need both of you on reception.

I'm Wing Governor.

I am one officer down, Mrs. Hollenby.

And it's acting Wing Governor.

So, is this going to be curtains for the domestic diva? How do you think Captain

Erland is going to deal with Larkhall Prison?

Call us with your opinion on how a woman of her background is going to take the

prison life. You know the number, 0208 709 87.

This was the news earlier that Catherine Earlham's husband had been seen leaving

his station. It's true, Mr. Kemper.

Catherine Earlham is joining us.

Um, yeah.

Wow.

You've no idea?

Of course not.

So, um, she's a right proper celebrity, then, is she? Yeah.

Oh, yes, it's amazing where hanging a few sheets of wallpaper and ripping off

the funny credit can get you. Oh, come on.

There's more to building a design empire than that.

Two dead husbands leaving all their worldly goods, does hope.

Finally, there will be somebody interesting to talk to in this

Oh, thank you.

Is she that interesting? Why is your wine chapped to you?

Oh, wait.

What is it?

Don't tell me nothing.

If I've done something, just tell me.

I'm just not feeling very well.

I keep being sick.

Well, why didn't you tell me? I could have got you something from the chemist.

I reckon we should have thought about that before.

Name? Catherine Earlham.

Date of birth?

12th of August, 50.

Yorkshire blood.

Hand of a surgeon, more like.

Um, Nick, would you untie her back to the laundry for us, please?

I was, um, wondering how I'd go about seeing my lawyer.

I need to speak to him urgently.

You must be joking.

Mrs. Earlham.

Ah.

I'm Joy Matterton, the governor.

Whatever you wear on the outside stays outside.

Your celebrity's dated. There's no currency in Lark Hall.

I'm here to roll my sleeves up, get on with things.

In that case, I might be able to use your expertise.

We've got a prison inspection coming.

I'd like Lark Hall fresh and hot.

Anything I can do would be a pleasure.

Mrs, um... Um, Ms... Masterson, um... What if I could get

you big magazine coverage?

A six -page spread, going out to two million readers, highlighting the

importance of surroundings in institutions.

It might make more of an impact than an inspector's report.

I'm not a fan of showbiz.

I wouldn't want a media circus.

Oh, no, no, just one photographer, one journalist.

I would need to briefly speak to my lawyer, Wave Emish Wright.

contact the magazine.

Arrange for the prisoner to see a lawyer.

Right, ma 'am.

Straight after her strip search.

What are you doing?

I'm just having a little tidy -up. I've got an inspection coming up. That's all

I bloody need.

Oh, Gilt.

Oh, dear.

Welcome to the neighbourhood.

Pick that up, would you?

Darling. Yeah, don't let her touch you like that. You stupid cow.

Nicking of old folk.

Go on, darling, give her one more.

Go on, darling.

Let's see if she handles herself.

That's how it works.

They say it and you do it, like dog handlers.

You're calling me a dog?

You carry out the dirty work. They go about their business.

What kind of a deal is that?

You think I'm going to be crying because I'm in here instead of some nail bar in

Knightsbridge. Well, news flash.

I don't do self -pity.

I'll take my punishment.

But don't you dare judge me on what you think you know.

Go on, then.

Do as you're told.

Take a swing at me.

Go on, darling. Smack her on!

Go on!

I'm nobody's servant.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe it.

Right, look, we're going to have to get in uniform and see the doctor. You know,

they can't say nothing. They've got their own thing, haven't they?

Maybe they can give me something to stop the vomiting.

I can't handle this for nine months, can I?

Oh, you... You meant see the doctor to get rid of it?

You can't have a baby in here.

How are you going to explain it?

Do you mean?

I'll come back and get you in a bit. Once this lot has gone to work.

Miss,

I need to see the number one.

You'll be lucky she's up to her eyes.

But he's urgent.

Can't you talk to Mr Kimber? He's your personal officer.

Yeah, well, don't you want to have a chat?

No, it's, um, it's women's stuff.

Okay.

Have we, um...

Have you acquired a pet that I don't know about? I thought we'd just pop some

along to Catherine.

We?

Well, someone has to make up for an attack of the 50 -foot woman.

Come in.

Right, um... Um...

Well, uh, miss... The

thing is... Um... I'm with child.

In a women's prison, I doubt it.

No, miss, I am.

I've been throwing up and I've missed my period and everything.

Then you've probably got a book. Go and see the nurse.

Oh, Miss, I am definitely up the duff.

You understand reproduction.

Then you'll know that a union is required. Now, if you don't mind, I've

prison to run.

It was my boyfriend, Michael, Miss, when I went to visit my mum's grave.

You had a liaison?

Who was your escorting officer?

Oh, no, Miss, it wasn't a liaison.

It was more like a jam jar.

A jam jar?

What are you talking about?

Um... Michael left it for me at the cemetery with all

his little sperm in it.

And he just left this jam jar, did he, what, just by chance?

Um... No, Miss.

No, I wrote to him and I asked him.

I love him, see, miss.

And, well, this way, I can have a little bit of him with me all the time.

Even in here.

Drinks on the terrace at six, if you're free.

I'll check with my secretary.

Thought you might not be up to dine in, Sheila.

Phil Oswin.

Beverly Topp.

Catherine, your brief's here.

Oh.

I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here.

We're all equal in the eyes of the law, Beverly.

And that's me off the guest list.

Thanks, Bev.

Miss Mofferton.

Thank you.

You were the escorting officer?

Yes, ma 'am. And how would you describe that visit?

Eventful?

Eventful? Anything strange?

Any receptacles at the graveside? Any jam jars?

Jam jars?

Somebody's telling me lies.

Because Nobesky is pregnant.

And according to her, it's from her boyfriend's deposit left for her at the

graveside in a jam jar.

Well, Mum, she did have a bunch of flowers.

Maybe she could have hidden the jam jar.

And where did she get the funds for flowers?

Well, me, you know, it was for her mum, so... Poor call, Mr Kimber.

I can't believe she'd do something like that.

What was she thinking, eh?

it hard to believe as well.

I mean, I don't claim to be an expert in biology, but as far as I recall, sperm

doesn't last very long outside the body.

So either this whole transaction took place in a couple of minutes without you

noticing, or I haven't got the full story.

Still, when we finally meet this happy father -to -be, this Michael,

no doubt everything will become clearer.

Given the circumstances, you look fantastic.

Cheapest detox of my life.

Right.

This is Maria's number at the magazine.

They'll do a piece for me.

What? Catherine Earlham welcomes you to her new home.

I'm sure they'll go for it.

So, what have you got for me?

It's bad news.

My husband's always going to be a sore point with you, isn't he? He's going to

testify. I know.

Against you.

He's saying you had full control over the pension fund. It blows the case

Everything within his name.

Doesn't matter.

What if the jury believe him?

We'll appeal.

And if we lose that?

Five. Eight, maybe.

Oh, Christ.

Try to stay calm.

I have been carted off in a prison van. I've had a vaginal and rectal

examination, and I'm living with psychopaths.

Calm isn't working.

Trouble with your image, right?

I pay a hell of a lot for you, Tom.

Don't make me regret that.

Why did you spout all that crap out to Masterton for?

That crap just saved your arse.

I could have well dropped you in it, but I never.

All right, so you've still got your job, so why don't you piss off and go and do

it? Yeah, but there's one little problem with what you told her. She reckons it

ain't possible.

It's a nice one, Janine.

You've just put us well in the shit.

I can imagine you wouldn't be wanting that aperitif.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, I needed that.

Takes the edge off, doesn't it?

It can't be easy getting that in here.

Knowing the right people.

I've, um...

Rather made that my philosophy.

So how about you telling me all about my new neighbours?

There's no one too gruesome unless you count the stars.

That's Tina.

Terribly sweet, but not much up top. Tried to hold up a bank with a toy gun.

And those blondes, they're the Julies. They practically share a brain.

Not always successfully.

Having said that, the little one, Julie Saunders, terrifically brave, battling

cancer.

No one I've to watch my back with?

Oh, no, we're surprisingly free of psychopaths at the moment, unless you

Darlene. You're very lucky to get away unscathed from your contendant,

I guess I'd do well to keep her on side, then.

Mrs. Holliday, I need to see my husband. How do I go about that?

Same way as everybody else. I'll fetch you a visiting order in the morning.

Any chance we could do that now? There's such a lot of thought to have with the

magazine.

Do feel free to run it by Miss Masterson if you don't have the authority

yourself. I think I can manage a visiting order.

You may have got your magazine deal, but the governor won't be pleased if this

refurb isn't up to scratch.

You wait.

You won't recognize this place when I'm done.

Maycovers. If you ask me, it's a lot of nonsense.

Oh, I don't know, Mrs. Hollenby. You should try one.

A personal one.

I could give you some tips.

I like what you said to Body Bag.

Holland B?

She's a wife and she said she was ugly.

Oh, bigot.

They get my blood up and I've met enough.

A Yorkshire lad like me cutting it with Bond Street's finest.

Try some.

I got you wrong, you know.

For an old bird, you're tough.

Why don't you jazz them up a bit?

Yes, I like it.

So, um, what have they got you in here for, then?

A glass, some bitch.

Then me broke up her legs, because me can't control me temper.

Well, that's a leap you're going to have to turn over, or you'll be back in here

quick smart.

You ever done any design before?

Why? You want to give me a job?

I bet you never had a black girl work for you.

No, not one.

Fifteen. And I put every one of them through college.

You ever heard of the Catherine Earlham Trust?

There's something in your style, a real urban quality. It makes a statement.

There's great colour awareness.

There's a magazine coming. It's to do a piece on me, but I'd like to show a few

of those readers that there are some girls in here who are trying to make

something of themselves.

I'd like you with me.

Me?

How do you fancy showing them what a criminal can do?

You want to talk to me now, dear?

Look, Masterton's expecting Michael to turn up, right? So when he don't, she's

going to know the whole thing's a load of bollocks.

Yeah, OK, you've made your point.

So what if he does turn up? Comes on the next visit?

So why don't I ring my pal Steve and see what he's up to tomorrow?

Catherine, I wanted to talk to you.

What is all this about Darlene Kate being your assistant?

Well, she's got a wonderful reach.

Look, listen, Phil, I'm hoping that there'll be a couple more of these

I'll need another consultant.

Well, I can't see why you're bothering.

A few slaps of paint won't change this place.

No, but it might make it a bit easier on the eye.

Talking of which, how would you feel about me doing something in here?

Oh, you wouldn't want to waste your time on this tired little hovel.

I did this tired little hovel.

Just think of it as...

Playback for the vodka.

Vodka?

Quite some cellmate you've got there.

You gave her our vodka.

We'll speak tomorrow.

I just wanted to ease the shock of this place.

And what is wrong with meditation?

Come to think of it, what is wrong with this cell?

Well, maybe it's just all a bit too... familiar.

The cell?

Or me?

Because ever since that high -gloss cow has arrived, you have practically

ignored me.

Well, maybe, just maybe, I want to talk about something other than where your

next fix is coming from.

Two can make that dream so real One can talk about being in love Two can say

how it really feels One can worship on a star Two can make that

wish come true, yeah One can stand alone in the dark Two can make the light

shine through It takes two, baby It takes two, baby

Couldn't have your autograph. Could I, Miss Kay?

I'm going to send this home to my mother.

My whole life, she never had nothing to be proud of.

But that's all changed now.

Because of you.

You're the only one ever give me a chance.

What's the matter with you?

I wanted this to be such a happy day.

And he just had to ruin it.

Are we a chatbot?

Darlene, my husband's going to tell them very nasty lies about me in court

tomorrow.

He's going to say that it was me, Who stole all that money from those poor

pensioners.

I'll be sentenced for a long time.

You're still going to send me to college, though, right?

Everything will go.

And that's what breaks my heart, Darlene. I so wanted you to have a

If I was on the outside, that old man, I'd make him keep his mouth shut.

You mustn't talk like that, Darlene. It's not your fight.

Come on.

We've got work to do.

We've got a whole prison to make over.

You feel still not made up?

How can I compete with Miss Macon?

She'll come round. Yeah.

You'll have to.

You're never going to fall out.

Oh, Bev.

She's right there, isn't she?

Must be something making her... Oh,

I've been meaning to talk to you. Bill's told me what a battle you've had.

Cancer. Well, it ain't no business.

And it certainly ain't yours.

Breast cancer is every woman's business, and I'd like to raise awareness about

it.

A follow -up feature in that magazine would make it very difficult for anyone

deny you treatment.

Come for a chat later.

Maybe Beth's been a bit unfair.

Yeah. I mean, she just needs to get another.

Why is he going to tell those lies?

To save himself?

Even if it means sending me down for it.

I thought my life was going to change.

When I think what I've done to him.

Nursed him through his heart attacks.

You should have let him die.

Pick that up.

What's with the cake? Last thing we want is her temper making an appearance.

Let the inspection come in.

Oh, it's something and nothing.

Things are a little bit strained between my husband and me and Darlene.

Bless her.

She's upset for me.

You sure?

It's nothing that a good dose of hard work won't cure.

Well, we're about finished here.

How about we tackle that corridor down by the interview room next?

Does it need it?

If that's where the inspection team is interviewing your staff, well, it just

doesn't look that inviting.

Well, I need it done by the end of the day. I'll get my crack team onto it.

Are you and Nabeski's new boyfriends coming in today?

Really? Yeah. Well, at least we know the mystery man exists.

Indeed.

I wasn't talking about my design role.

Consultant, we said.

I'm really looking for an organiser here, Phil.

A facilitator.

That means you do all the donkey work and she gets the credit.

Why can't you just be pleased that someone's trying to do something in

You know, you're welcome to join us, Beth.

No, I'm fine.

With my friends here.

She's got you all wrapped around her little finger.

I mean, for a load of cons, you're all pretty damned easy to play.

I don't know, Don.

I don't want to be some bloke who's just been wanking in the bushes.

Look, all you've got to do is show your face.

What if they ask me stuff?

You know I ain't no good under pressure, man.

Steve, no one's going to ask you anything. It's just in and out. That's

All right?

I'm surprised you've got the nerve to show your face after your behaviour.

In my book, that's indecisive. And you shall be locked up for it.

Lady, your blank canvas.

But sand it down first.

I thought I was more of a consultant.

It's very much of an evolving role, Phil.

Miss Goodhue, I understand there's a private room. I'm meeting my husband.

You're down there.

OK, listen up, girls.

I'm going to split you into separate areas.

Oh, that ain't fair.

It's very involving on your top, isn't it?

Tina, Phil...

Take the girl and work on the door round the corner.

I need every bit of paint gone.

Darling.

Why am I getting left on my own?

Because I can trust you.

I mean, am I simply to paint?

It's a corridor, Phil.

Let's wake up to that.

When I come out of that room, it's your face I want to see first.

How could he do that to you?

Shh, come on.

It's not over yet.

Fight on.

What are you waiting for?

Michael!

Michael!

You all right?

Hello.

Your ears plan you up again, aren't they?

As soon as there's a baby, they don't want to know.

Frank, you... You look so... Healthy?

I blacked out.

So I went to see Dr. Matthews.

She couldn't understand why my blood pressure was so high.

She checked my meds.

You know, the ones that you always picked up for me.

Frank, can we move on?

She said, two more days of those tablets and I'd be dead with a stroke.

You see,

Someone's been adding sodium to my tablets.

If you'd just say something, anything, I'd believe you.

I'd tell Matthew she's wrong.

You're not even denying it.

We all have to go sometime.

But not like this.

What was your plan?

Ransack the pension fund?

Make it look like me?

So that I'd go down for it as a corpse?

Is that what you did to your other two husbands?

So you're still going to testify tomorrow?

You get enough like it with embezzlement.

I can have you for attempted murder.

But I won't drag our daughter through that.

How is she?

Better off without you.

Come on, Frank. You don't mean that.

You don't want to throw away everything that we've had together.

Ladies first.

Help me.

He said he was going to break my neck.

Hold him harder, Darlene.

He'll get away.

You're not going nowhere.

What have you

done?

She just went berserk. I couldn't stop her.

What have you done to him, Darlene?

Miss Ellum, can you hear us?

You killed him.

You evil bitch.

You killed him!

So, wing governor, eh?

Just shows where hard work can get you.

Michael Dyer?

Miss.

I see why I fell for him, can't you?

I'd like to have a word with you.

There's nowhere you can go.

Please. It weren't my idea.

I was just trying to help him out.

Help who?

If you're solemn, we'll take you down to the wing to collect your things, and

you can wait on set for the police.

I'm disappointed in you, Cake.

I'm never going to see my mother again.

We have what darling done.

You're right.

I'm coping.

You're getting there.

You're going?

Let me take a number.

Yeah, I mean, what better magazine than the treatment? You know, should I call

for someone?

Look, no one's calling anyone.

I mean, Julie Saunders or Angelina Jolie.

One story sells itself.

The other, well, doesn't.

You used us.

God, you wicked old witch!

Fred was right about you!

And you brought him to hell!

Well,

I've been an idiot.

Well, bye. Perhaps we both have.

Living on top of one another like this, it's ridiculous.

They're bound to be silly little spats.

Just don't worry about it.

How can you forgive me?

After all we've been through.

Poor Frank.

He always said I could get away with murder.

And grand scale embezzlement.

How does Rio sound?

I'd say we've got two weeks before the CPS starting.

You smell of petrol.

What are you doing?

Darlene, give me the bottle. Think about what you're doing. Give me the bottle!

But it's me!

Darlene! You stupid girl!

You abused your position for getting a prisoner pregnant.

I know, I'm sorry.

No one has to know.

Why would I compromise my professionalism for keeping quiet?

Please, you can't fire me.

Come on, you two, out. Come on, move it.

Back up, needed on G -Wing, urgently.

Janine.

Don't come any closer.

Darlene, you don't want to do this.

You know you don't.

I can't spend the rest of my life in here.

Let go of Janine, Darlene.

You don't want to hurt her.

You're not like that.

She's not going to do it.

I think she might.

I'm a murderer.

I don't. I know you're a good person.

You just haven't had a chance, just like Janine. That's why you're friends.

Janine.

I'm his friend.

It's right.

Just like we are.

She said that she'd help me.

That she'd help me change my life.

You don't need her. You can do it yourself without Catherine Earlham.

Will you do something for me, Mr. King?

Of course.

Tell me, Mother, that I got a really good job.

And things look like they were going to work out for me.

You make a better fireman than you do a screw.

So cold.

What is it?

No, I like a happy ending. Next Thursday at nine I smack and I'm proud. I look

at corporal punishment on Ken.

Next night, we're out with the Mudder Squad.

That's after the break.