All language subtitles for Are You Being Served s07e01 The Junior

Oh, I hope he's doing the right thing.

Well, he could have stayed another five
years, but that would only increase his

pension by a pound a week.

Which at the present going rate would
only have bought him three loaves of

bread. I think he was fat enough
already.

Oh, look, he's left his farewell cake.

Oh, look, he's left his teeth marks in
it.

Isn't it marvellous?

Sixty years' faithful service and the
only sign that he's passed this way are

his teeth marks in a bun.

That's what you think, doesn't it?

When you go, Mr Humphreys, what do you
think you'll leave behind?

I haven't really thought.

I expect my aftershave will linger on my
bill pad for a couple of sales.

After that, nothing.

Oh, what a depressing conversation.

Yes, I agree, and it isn't like that. It
isn't just teeth marks in a cake.

Think of all the happy memories he left
behind.

Yes, let's each think of a happy memory.

Well, what sort of a memory?

Well, anything that he did or said that
was unforgettable.

Who? The old assistant we'd just given
this farewell party for.

Ah, Owen.

He never said anything unforgettable.

Oh, he must have done.

Well, if he did, I'm damned if I can
remember it.

I remember something.

Good, you see. When you try, it all
comes flooding back.

What was it?

He used to shovel his custard up like a
bucket dredger.

Well, that's awful.

Here, who do you think's going to get
the job?

Well, names have been mentioned on the
sixth floor.

Whose? I'm not at liberty to tell.

You mean you don't know?

As senior management, of course I know.

Well, if you don't tell us who it is,
we'll never know whether you knew or

will we?

Very well.

But you must treat this as strictly
confidential.

They're going to advertise for a new
man.

Well, that's the limit.

I've been here 16 years, man and boy.

Mostly boy.

At least you'd think they'd have the
courtesy to pay me the compliment of

considering me. Yes, instead of casting
you aside like a wrinkled old tomato if

I'm going mouldy at the back of the
fridge. Oh, Mr. Lucas, there must be

something else that's cast aside that's
more attractive than that.

Mr. Humphreys, the post they're
advertising is the junior.

He can't do that. I'm the junior.

Well, Mr. Grace, in his wisdom, has
decreed that you will be taking over

Mr. Humphreys.

Mr. Humphreys? Well, where's Mr.
Humphreys going?

Mr. Humphreys is to be the new senior.

No. Yes.

Okay, okay. I'm not.

Cross your heart and hope to die.

It's not sorry.

Oh, I'm so happy.

Oh, it started me leg off.

Oh, this hasn't happened to me since I
was a prefect in me bribery.

Is there anything we can do to stop it?
No, it's all right. It'll turn to

hiccups in a minute.

No, I told you. Now what do we do?

Well, my teacher, Miss Haswell, she used
to get one of the boys to creep up

behind me and give me a surprise.

Did it work?

No, but he still writes to me from...

Are they feeling better now?

Oh, yes, they're much, much better, yes.

You know, it always happens just before
a storm.

My brain picks up the electrical
vibrations and sends a message down to

bunions and they start throbbing. But
it's a lovely day. The storm was last

night. Yeah, but it takes a long time to
get a message to any part of my brain.

My suspenders gone.

That message got through quickly enough.

It didn't have to fart and go.

Hello?

Rambold here, sir. I'm afraid I must
have a decision.

You were going to make up your mind as
to whether Mr Humphreys was taking over

as senior salesman. Now, the question
is, is he or isn't he?

People have been asking me that for
years.

I think we should put him on probation.

I didn't know the case had come up.

Anyway, I can't stop here chatting with
you. I'm in hot water with my nurse.

Well, what do you think, sir?

More hot water, sir?

Yes.

Thank you, sir.

Here we are, Doc.

I think you'll find that's all right
now.

Yes. Would you leave now, Mr Harmon? I
have a meeting to discuss a confidential

matter. Oh, I see. Just because I'm a
humble member of the packing and

maintenance department, I'm not supposed
to know what the higher echelon is

talking about.

Well, you could put it that way. We're
outside, sir.

People who knock usually are cunning.

Seeing as this is a confidential
meeting, I shall wipe from my mind the

that I have seen you.

I'm sorry.

I have some news for you regarding the
vacancy on the men's counter.

I have been officially authorised to
offer the post to Mr Humphreys.

May I be the first to congratulate you,
Mr Humphreys? Thank you. Yes,

congratulations indeed.

It's not often a man of your age gets
this position. How does it feel?

He says he's very happy.

Could he please go and phone his mother?

What did he say then? I don't know.

Is there any more money?

You will receive grade H4B with
increment and London waiting.

How much is that?

That is between Mr Humphreys and the
management.

But I do have the figure written down
here.

Now, this will of course leave a gap.

in the man on the counter.

And there have been numerous discussions
at boardroom level as to who should

take over Mr. Humphreys' position.

It was suggested that we should ask Mr.
Humphreys if Mr. Lucas is capable.

The question is, is he ready for it?

I'm ready for it. We weren't asking you,
Mr. Lucas.

Perhaps it would be more to the point if
you asked me what I think. I don't

think he's ready for it. Captain
Peacock, a senior assistant, I think

me to decide whether he's ready for it.

I entirely agree with Mr. Humphreys.

And I don't want the fact that I'm Mr.
Humphrey's best friend to influence him

one way or the other. You're not, and it
won't.

Well, is he ready for it?

Let me put it this way.

He's as ready as he'll ever be.

I do believe in giving you the chance.

Mr. Lucas, you have the post. And here
is your increase.

A pound is not to be sneezed at.

May I ask who will be taking Mr. Lucas's
place?

We shall advertise in the press saying
that we need a worthy replacement for

Lucas. Well, in that case, may I suggest
an advertisement in the agony column of

the Beano?

On behalf of the ladies' department, may
I congratulate you on your promotion,

Mr. Humphreys?

You were always a cut above the rest.

I'm glad you've got on. Oh, thank you,
Mrs. Slocum. You'll forgive me if I

make a speech. It's been a very
emotional morning.

It's not over yet, Mr. Humphreys. You
have to take your place at the counter,

the senior position.

Here we go.

I feel like a bride walking down the
aisle.

All the flaws worn away where the
seniors have stood.

Hand me over the set, I believe, Mr.
Harmon.

Your Honor.

Here.

Your fitter's pincushion.

Your chalk for me to measure fittings.

And, of course, your tape.

Not in the pocket, Mr. Humphreys.

The senior assistant is allowed to wear
it around his neck.

Oh.

It's gone again.

Mr. Lucas, you too have a new position
to take up?

Of course.

That's the easiest quid you've ever
earned.

We expect to have some candidates for
the new post by Thursday.

Mr. Rumbold is most anxious that the new
man should fit into the team, so he'd

like us all to stay behind after closing
time that evening to interview the

applicants.

It's now time for the assistant
salesman's tea break.

Where are you going, Mr Humphries? My
tea break, Captain Peacock.

You're not the assistant, Mr Humphries.

You're the senior.

When's the senior's tea break?

An hour ago. You missed him.

Not all roses at the top, is it?

I don't want to be long.

Now, the candidates are all in my
office. So, Mr Harmon, if you'll

them for us, we can begin.

Very good, sir. Warwick's going to give
me a hand.

You standing by, Warwick?

I'm standing by.

Call in Mr Webster.

Call in Mr Webster.

Mr Rodney Webster, 26 years with Denny
and Tom's, covering haberdashery,

stationery and notions.

Ten years with Pontings in fabrics, two
years at Gavages in garden sheds,

recently working at a bow -wow pet shop
tooting Broadway, temporarily

unemployed.

Mr Webster, how old are you?

Aye.

How old are you?

Forty -eight.

And why did you leave your position at
the pet shop?

I was savaged by a hamster.

You do look rather delicate, Mr.
Webster.

Do you think you're up to an eight -hour
day?

You can't sit down, you know.

Oh, it's the first time I've sat down
since I was savaged by that hamster.

How's your product knowledge?

What's that?

Well, can you tell me how the following
differ one from another?

Nylon? Orlon, Banlon and Tigon.

I haven't got the job, have I?

Well, we do have one or two more people
to see. Well, how shall we leave it

then? We'll let you know.

God bless you, sir.

Thank you very much.

I live in a packing case in Covent
Garden.

You can't miss it. It's got bananas
written over it.

Oh, yes. And it's the only one with a
chimney.

That could be any one of us.

After all those years at Derry and Tom's
to be reduced to that...

Oh, go after him, Mr Harman, and see if
he'd like a cup of tea in the canteen.

He's been here since three o 'clock.
He's had four shepherd's pies, fifteen

of tea and a hap or crumble.

Then he did a song and dance with spoons
and collected six quid. So I reckon

he's... Well, next, please.

Very good. Call in Mr Beauchamp.

Call in Mr Beauchamp.

Mr. Beauchamp has been employed by the
following firms. And I'll give you a

resume of my career myself, if you don't
mind.

Well, now, I've worked in simply oodles
of shops, mostly continental,

including fashion des -ons of Woking.

And then I was at Maison Jacques of St.
Albans for five ghastly years.

And then Boutique Bon Marché at Wagner
Reef. Oh, sure.

Half Iran we got.

But I think I reached my peak at Harrods
in men's undies.

Oh, what bliss.

The light, the music, the security
cameras, the tycoons with their cigars,

bargaining Arabs jostling with each
other joyfully. Oh, what a cosmopolitan,

colourful world. Well, I'm loathe to
leave it.

Well, you won't find anything like that
at Grace Brothers. Thank you. We'll let

you know.

I see.

Thank you very much indeed.

Won't you get rid of him so quickly?

We don't want people like that here.

May we have the next one, please?

There isn't a next. That was it.

But there were half a dozen candidates
in my office. Yeah, well, unfortunately,

one of them went through your drawers
and found your payslip.

And they reckon if that's how much you
got, they'd be on starvation level.

But all the ones we thought were too old
for a junior.

Yes, but we didn't put junior in the
advertisement. You see, the word junior

would have cost another four pounds, and
young Mr Grace has to draw the line

somewhere. Oh, well, we can all go home
then, can't we?

I'm not too late, have I?

Well, it depends what you've come for.
Well, I...

I've come to fulfil the vacancy in reply
to the advertisement.

Oh, I see you've got plenty of
applicants here already.

I beg your pardon. We are the staff.

What a mistake to make before I've even
started.

Shall I go?

No, no, no, of course not. Please take a
seat.

Thank you.

That is our senior sales lady, Mrs
Flocombe. Oh, charming.

It's an honour to meet you.

Miss Browns, her junior.

Her assistant.

Delightful. Mr Lucas, senior assistant.

Smart young man.

And Mr Humphreys, head of the men's
department.

So high up. So young.

So far, so good.

Finally, our floor. Don't tell me.

I know that face.

I'm going back 35 years.

I'm a Catholic.

I walk into a listen hut.

And there you are, standing on your bed
in your shirt tails with your hat on.

I've got it. I've got it, Corporal
Peacock.

we went to Egypt together.

You were still a corporal. We both got a
cushy job in the cookhouse.

Is it coming back now?

I think it's going further away.

You remember me, Harry Goldberg?

I have no recollection of ever seeing
you in my life before.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

The memory does play funny tricks.

It was a long time ago.

I've obviously made a mistake.

This gentleman is Captain Peacock, who
actually fought hand -to -hand with

Ronald's army.

Oh?

We always wondered what he did in his
spare time.

Captain Peacock, is it?

No, no.

This one could never have become a
captain.

Couldn't have been you, sir. I'm sorry.

Well, now we've got that sorted out, can
we get on?

I've got to get home.

If my pussy isn't attended to by eight o
'clock, I could be stroking it for the

rest of the evening.

Have I come at an awkward moment?

No, indeed not. You're the last
candidate. Perhaps we could hear your

qualifications.

Well, I've had a lot of experience in
the retail and clothing trade.

I'm a qualified cutter and a fitter, and
I had my own establishment for some

years. Oh, why did you give it up?

Perhaps the wheels fell off his barrow.

Oh, great sense of humour.

Oh, should I be lucky enough to get the
job? I shall enjoy working here.

So, you had your own place. Would we
know it? Well, I doubt it.

It was over a fish and chip shop in
Bermondsey.

Mind you, everyone knew my suit.

By the aroma of fish and chips?

No, by the cut.

Yes, but if it was so successful, why
did you give it up?

The fat caught fire.

It was a conflagration, taking the whole
of my stock with it. I was ruined.

Oh, when did this happen?

Yesterday.

I'm afraid we admitted to put in our
advertisement that the post on offer was

that of a junior.

Junior, senior.

I mean, it's such a beautiful
surroundings here, and to work among

people would be a privilege.

And that is the satellite.

A day?

A week.

Are you working for an award for
fighting inflation?

On top of that, you do get commission.

And, of course, it is regular, and there
are holidays and a pension.

I'll take it. But should I be lucky
enough to secure the appointment?

Well, if you leave your address, we'll
let you know.

Oh, yeah, I have my card.

Oh. There we are.

Fortunately, the letterbox is still
standing.

Good evening, everybody. Thank you very
much. Good night.

I'm sorry I mistook you for someone I
spent four years with.

Sleeping in the same tent, eating the
same food, doing the same jankers.

Strange the tricks the mind can play.

Because I think he's totally unsuitable.

Oh, it's the best we've seen so far.

I prefer Mr.

Beecham. You didn't, did you, Mr
Humphreys? I most certainly did not, Mr

Well, of course, it's just a personal
dislike on Mr Humphreys' part.

Let's have a show of hands. Those in
favour of Mr Beecham?

Against?

I'm afraid the noes have it.

I must say my heart went out to that
charming old gentleman who came in

The one who's dossing down in a packing
case in Covent Garden?

I have never thought that a man's
background should be held against him.

willing. He had a nice smile. He was
courteous.

And he wasn't in the army.

That has nothing to do with it. Oh,
well, in that case, let's pick the last

and go home.

All those in favour?

Carried unanimously.

Except for Corporal Peacock.

Good morning, Captain Peacock. I know
nothing that's good

about Monday morning.

Here, I've heard you've got a new
junior.

Is he tall, dark, handsome and sexy?

No, he's shortish, stoutish and greyish.

Just my type.

I'm not thinking of anything's my type.

Let's nip this in the bud right now.

That man was mistaken.

My title is Captain Peacock. And as
junior, you will continue to address me

such. Now sign the book and get to your
counter. Yes, Captain.

You were quite right to admonish her.
She gets far too familiar.

Strictly between you and me, were you in
the army with Mr. Goldberg?

It was 35 years ago, Mrs. Slocum.

Can you remember who you worked with at
Lyons when you were a nippy?

You promised you'd never mention that to
a living soul.

Anyway, it was only for weeks, and I was
very hard up, and it was a corner

house.

What's a nippy, Mr.

Slocum?

Oh, good morning, Mr Lucas.

Good morning, Corp. I can't be got.

I'm glad to see that your new
responsibility has encouraged you to

time. Yes, well, with the extra pound a
week I'm getting, I can now afford to

come on the bus instead of hitchhiking.

Good morning, all.

Good morning, Mr Alfred.

Blimey, he's taking it seriously. He's
got his senior assistant, Sonberg.

That must have set him back a bit.

You look very smart, Mr Alfred.

Thank you, Mrs. Slocum.

As a matter of fact, my mother burst
into tears on the doorstep this morning.

Oh, I expect that was because she was so
proud of you.

Yes, coupled with the fact that I spent
the milk money on a new act.

Morning, everybody.

Morning, Mr. Goldberg.

My first day.

It's very exciting for me.

Where shall I put my coat?

The junior's peg. It's through that
passage.

Thank you. I'll take it for you, Mr.
Goldberg. Call me Harry.

No, call him Mr. Goldberg.

Grace Brothers, we're only on first
-name terms outside working hours, and

only after a long association.

That's quite correct. That's class,
style.

That's how a beautiful store like this
gets its reputation.

Where do I stand?

You don't.

You sign the book first.

You'll find a tape and a bill pad in
your drawer. You will not, however, wear

the tape round your neck.

Only Mr Humphreys is allowed that
privilege.

Mr Humphreys and Mr Lucas will explain
your duties to you. I have to go and see

Mr Rumble.

Ah, that's the opening bell. Oh, thank
heavens. I thought it was the hat caught

alight again.

Ladies and gentlemen, the public will be
coming in.

He's a right tartar, isn't he?

Mind you, so was the man who he isn't.

What authority does the people?

Yes, well, it's not going to do it to
me.

I'm going to stay the same.

Kind, understanding.

I've never seen anything so disgraceful
as that blood draw, Mr. Lucas.

Get it tidied up at once.

Well, I was just totaling up my month's
figures. Well, you should have done that

last week.

The battery on my calculator went. Mr.
Lucas, Mr.

Lucas, please. Would you allow me?

Oh, thank you very much. Thank you very
much. There we are.

There we are.

Now, now. Hey, hey. There we are.

You see?

Simple. Now, if you... I'll...

your drawers if you show me my duty.

There's just one thing. As far as the
commission is concerned, that's

on our individual sales at the end of
the week.

So therefore, when the customers come
in, I get first crack, Mr. Lucas goes

second, and you go third. Suppose they
ask for me personally.

That won't arise until you've built up a
clientele.

But wouldn't you rather split the
commission three ways at the end of the

No, thank you, no. This is the way we've
always done it, and this is the way

we're going to carry on. Right, Mr.
Lucas?

Entirely, Mr. Humphreys. So be it.

Okay, everybody!

Nice place you're coming

out of the world. Beautiful merchandise,
Harry.

Classy material. 5 % off for cash.

5 %?

Here, none of that, no.

This is strictly on the level.

No, no discount.

Yeah, I heard about the fire. Hey, I
thought the fire wasn't until next week.

brought it forward.

I'll have this white cunicoat. That's
£500.

Hey, Harry, have you got six of these
silk shirts in my size?

That makes it £650.

That's a classy suit.

Just what I'm looking for. That's £800.

Harry, I'd like a crocodile briefcase,
matching shoes in black.

I've got you a funeral.

Hey, that's 1 ,200 quid. Think of the
commission.

Think of this commission. Can we be of
any assistance? Start wrapping these

things up before the hackney mob get in.

Now, you need some Catholics to go with
those shirts.

Put some Catholics with these shirts.

Thank you. And some socks. You need some
socks to go with that suit. It's a very

unusual colour.

Socks, Mr. Lucas. How many?

How many?

Two. How many does a person wear?

Figured they'd been very good, Rumbled.

They have indeed, sir. Best week of the
year.

Of course, this is partly due to the
presence of our new counterhand.

What about giving him a nice rise?

Say, seven and six a week?

We'll have to do rather more than that,
sir. In fact, he wants more money than

our senior salesman, otherwise we're
going to lose him.

Well, pay him.

If I do that, sir, Captain Peacock has
threatened to lead a walkout.

Well, sort it out, Rumbled.

Enter.

May we see you for a moment, Mr Rumbled?

Certainly. What's the trouble? We just
want to make it absolutely clear that we

have no intention of walking out with
Captain Peacock.

And I am unanimous in that.

We like Mr Goldberg.

Yeah, he's taking her to the pictures
tonight.

But if I pay him the money he's asking,
I'll have to make him senior salesman.

Well, I don't mind that. At his age, he
ought to be senior salesman.

Besides, I don't think I'm
temperamentally suited for it.

You know, I haven't slept for a week.

I'm getting silver threads amongst the
gold.

We don't mind going back to our old
wages because he's sharing his

with us. But I can't promote Mr Goldberg
without the consent of Captain Peacock.

Well, Mr Goldberg says he might be able
to arrange that.

Ah, I understand you won't be with us
next week, Mr. Goldberg. Very

Yes, well,

I would like to have stayed, but I
gather there was some very strong

from a senior executive.

Indeed, what a pity.

Yes, so I thought, well, I'd like to
leave a little memento of me to the

And I was looking in an old scrapbook,
and would you believe it, I found this

photo of me.

With that corporal I so foolishly
thought was you.

Yeah, yeah.

It's very interesting. In fact, if you
looked at it through this magnifying

glass, you'll see that on Corporal
Peacock's right arm, there's a

motto.

And it says, a tattoo.

And it says, death before dishonour.

Tattoo marks are very difficult to get
rid of, Captain Peacock.

That's impossible.

Yes, so I thought the staff would like
to have this photo if I go.

Should I stay?

I would like you to have it.

word with you. It's about Mr.

Goldberg. Ah, yes.

Well, I've just been having a little
tete -a -tete with him, and I think it

be to the advantage of us all if he were
to stay with us. Oh, splendid.

How can I ever thank you?

No.