All language subtitles for Are You Being Served s06e05 A Bliss Girl

for perfumery, stationery and leather
goods, wigs and half -adaptery,

kitchenware and food.

First for telephone,

gents, ready -made food, gents, socks,
pie pads, underwear and food.

A foggy day in London town.

Good morning, Mr. Harmon. What are you
doing?

I'm glad you asked me that. I'm running
this tube up and down this carpet due to

the fact that there is a motor in here.

which calls in a vacuum and thus sucks
up the dust off of the carpet. It goes

down that pipe into a bag. It is what is
known as oovering up the dust, due to

the fact that Uber was the first in the
market. Now, if Goblin had been the

first in the market, I'd be gobbling up
the dust.

I merely meant, why are you doing it and
not the cleaners? Well, seen as it's

the worst fog we've had since 1953, they
phoned up to say they wasn't coming.

I'm beginning to wonder if anyone's
coming. Well, there's only two on the

floor. Mr. Ackroyd's walking about with
a candle stuck on his head so they know

where to go to get their bill signed.

Well, how did the fog get in there?

Some silly burp left the side door open.

How very careless.

I don't know who it was, but rumour has
it he's a bald -headed person with one

or two other outstanding features.

Enter the Demon King!

Apparently some idiot left the side door
open and filled the place with fog.

Yeah, well, the culprit is disguised as
you, Mr Harmon.

You should be down in the basement.

Oh, very well. But first, I'm going to
the pet department to procure for myself

a canary, which I will put in a cage and
lower to see if the atmosphere down

there is suitable for my respiratory
organs.

Come on, R2 -D2.

Well, at least you're here on time,
Peacock. Congratulations.

Quite by chance.

I was coughing myself to death at the
bus stop when a vintage Rolls Royce drew

up. And inside was none other than young
Mr. Grace.

Without winding down the window, he
mouthed the words, Would you like a

I don't suppose he wanted the fog
getting into his car.

Indeed he didn't. I travelled eight
miles on the running board.

Oh, well, report to me when the others
do arrive. I have an important

announcement to make. Certainly,
Lieutenant.

Mr. Lucas, what on earth are you doing
in that?

Well, that's charming, isn't it? First
time I've been early in three weeks, and

that's a welcome I get.

You surely haven't hopped all the way
from Highgate?

I couldn't get home last night because
of the fog, so I spent the night in the

camping department.

Unfortunately, the zip is stuck. Oh,
here, get out of this thing.

Look, there's the store's open.

You have just lost us a sale. Now, where
are your clothes?

They're still in the tent.

Go and get them on. And get a dressing
gown out of stock.

Oh, blimey.

It's going to be one of those days,
isn't it?

Give us out. I've got Mrs. Slocum in
here.

Push.

Oh, my pussy's been darkened.

Oh,

and as for me bronchials... It's a good
thing you had your gas mask.

I had it during the war, you know.

1418.

If you're going to have one of your
witty days, I'm going home.

Only as far as Tower Bridge. The buses
aren't running.

So I got into me gear, I went down to
the bottom of the garden, waved bye -bye

to me mother and jumped in the canal.

I thought I'll turn right at the sluice
and come in with the tide.

Apart from a bit of a fracas with a boy
at Battersea.

B -U -O -Y.

It was quite an uneventful trip.

Till I got picked up by the river police
on their arse stick.

A -S -D -I -C, full stop.

Apparently I was... giving a very
strange reading, so they hauled me in,

my suit off, showed me to the sergeant
who took one look at me and said, we

don't keep tiddlers, and threw me back.

What are you doing?

I've just put new batteries in your
stress indicator.

Have I worn out already?

Yes. You must be getting very excited
recently, you naughty boy.

Well, it's that secretary of mine. Yes.

Well, let's see if your equipment's
working properly.

Are you ready for the test?

Yes.

I should be flashing.

Hold on a minute.

Try again.

Lucky they're only my reading glasses.

Oh, Frank, you asked me to get Mr.
Rumbold.

Well, he's on the line.

You're looking very petty this morning.

Oh.

Thank you very much, sir.

How about dinner tonight?

Oh, thank you very much, sir. Do you
want my wife as well?

Are you going on about that?

I said, do you want my wife?

anything to get on in this program.

I've got a slight problem, sir. The
perfume display from the Bliss people

arrived, but the Bliss girl, who was
supposed to serve behind the counter,

hasn't. Well, use your initiative.

Oh, right, sir.

What shall I do?

Get somebody else.

The Bliss people are paying us £50 a
day. We don't want to lose that.

You sent for me?

Oh, yes.

Unplug my charger, will you? We don't
want to waste electricity.

Will there be anything else, sir? Yes,
you're fired.

Anyway, we both came out of the
pictures, you see, and we got into her

car, and she's sitting there brushing
her long blonde hair in the driving

mirror. You know, the way they do.

And she turns to me and she said, shall
I drop you home?

You refused, of course.

Well, no, she behaved herself quite well
in the cinema.

Apart from when she reached over to get
a chocolate and I had the box on me lap.

That was when she was looking for the
one with the hard centre, was it?

Yes, she wasn't best pleased when she
had to make do with the marzipan.

See, we get outside the front door, and
she looked at me coy -like, and she

said, are you going to invite me in for
coffee?

And did you?

Well, no, I've got a crack in me cone.

So, anyway, she said, well, we'll have
to say goodnight here, then. And she

flung her arms round me neck, and she
grappled with me like Mick McManus.

You never told me you'd been out with
Mick McManus.

If you're going to mock me, I shall not
let you be privy to my confidences.

So anyway, she presses a button and the
seat flew back and there I was, about to

be washed away on a tidal wave of
passion when me mother banged on the

with a rolling pin and gave her a minute
to get out or make an honest man of me.

Men's wear.

That's it, Warwick. There we are.

Presenting the Bliss Pong Shop. Where
would you like it?

It has to go over there. You and you.
Take that counter away.

Don't move. Stand fast.

Captain Peacock, you do not tell my men
to take that counter away.

They are under my jurisprudence.

You tell me to take that counter away,
and I tell them to take that counter

away. Harmon, take that counter away.

Mr. Harmon.

Very well, Mr. Harmon.

What?

Will you please take that counter away?

Right. You, you!

One minute.

Put that counter down.

Mrs Snowden.

Captain Peacock, I do not respond to any
man's finger.

I used to have an aunt that said that.

I've made an aunt.

Mrs Snowden.

It is my understood prerogative as floor
walker to summon any of my subordinates

if I wish to give them my instructions.

Now. Will you please accede to my
request?

In a word, not on your nellet.

It's exciting, isn't it? You can feel
the tension bouncing.

Mrs. Slocum, I shall count to five, and
if you have not complied, then I shall

make an adverse entry in my book.

Two of them shall get sent off.

One, two, three, four, four off,

five.

Mrs. Slocum?

Truculent and impertinent.

Captain Peacock, I may have been
truculent, but I was certainly not

I've already entered impertinent in my
book.

Oh, well, in that case...

Now, let me get this

clear. You wiggled your finger at Mrs.
Slocum? I did not wiggle it, sir. I did

that.

And Mrs. Slocum took exception?

Correct.

What sort of exception did she take?

Who dare you, Peacock? I asked you a
perfectly simple question.

I was merely illustrating the gesture
that Mrs. Slocum made to me.

Gestured with fingers. Yes, I've got
that written down.

Were there any witnesses to this sign?

Well, we only saw it from a distance.
For all I know, she might have only used

one finger.

Mr Humphreys, did you see her raising
two fingers?

Oh, yes. As a matter of fact, I thought
she was doing it to me. She often does.

What, as an inflammatory sign?

No, to save two seats for the canteen.

Captain Peacock might have
misinterpreted this gesture.

Are there any other complaints
concerning Mrs Flocombe?

The next complaint I have against her is
that she made a noise I objected to.

What sort of noise?

Yes, that is an objectionable noise.

Why did you do this, Mrs. Slocum? Well,
his wiggling finger got right up my

nose.

Peacock, you didn't tell me this. You
must give me all the facts.

Now, let's start again. You put your
finger up Mrs. Slocum's nose, causing

to slouch in a sort of... Then,
logically...

she would put up two fingers to protect
her nose from your probing digit.

This, in turn, Mr Humphreys
misinterpreted as a request for him to

seats in the canteen.

Have you got anything else written down
in your book that you'd like me to

clarify?

Not on your neck.

Oh, well.

That's it. There's no more to be said.

Rather a waste of time, really.

Yes, indeed.

When am I going to get my counter back?

Not for a week. A young Mr. Grace has
done a deal with Bliss Perfume, so I'm

afraid we'll just have to grin and bear
it.

I find the two very rarely go together.

But we do have a problem, because the
Bliss girl hasn't arrived. So I'm afraid

you and Miss Brahms will have to handle
the Bliss merchandise.

I'm not sacrificing my commission to
sell cheap scent, and I am unanimous in

this.

But the counter has to be mad.

Well, there's only two of us, there's
three of them. Why don't one of them do

it?

Ungrammatical, but logical.

The question is, which one?

Poo, what a pong.

I have to test it if I'm going to sell
it.

What's about that secret rendezvous?

Oh, it wouldn't be easy to have a secret
rendezvous.

Everybody would know you'd been there.

Lady and the Tramp.

A bit more tramp than lady, hey?

Here. What's that?

Gay divorce.

Oh, I don't like that.

We'll cancel that out.

Poor, what's that?

Butch Cassidy.

It's awful when they all get together.

Do you know, my old headmaster would
give a fortune to smell me now.

He'd say, I knew, I told you.

What sort of a school did you go to, Mr
Humphrey?

Mixed. Oh, yeah, girls and boys?

No, just boys.

Mr Lucas, I'm just going to have a word
with Captain Peacock. Will you take over

from him?

Certainly, Mr Ted.

Ah, Stephen, are you free?

At the moment, Mr. Tepps, may I remind
you that first names are used only in

canteen or after and before the bell.

I see.

In that case, I don't want to talk to
you.

Blimey, that was a short word.

Tidy up that glove drawer, Mr. Lucas.

Well, it is tidy.

It isn't now.

He got told you off, did he?

to the tie drawer as well.

All right, all right. I'll get in. I'll
get in.

Ah, Mr. Lucas.

I'm glad to see you usefully employed in
tidying the drawers.

Thank you, sir.

The tie drawer is also in a terrible
mess.

I suggest you tidy it up, Mr. Thames,
instead of standing there twiddling your

thumbs.

I am not twiddling my thumbs.

I am in charge of this country.

And if I want my drawers untidy, I shall
have them untidy.

Now, let me get this clear. There's been
yet another fracker on the floor.

One thing I want to get straight right
away. Did Captain Peacock put his finger

up your nose?

Oh, of course he didn't.

Well, then what caused you to lose your
temper?

He was sticking his nose into my
business.

Noses do come into it, I thought so.
There's always a common factor, you

This whole dispute is caused by the
perfume counter.

And what's perfume associated with?

Noses.

Quite extraordinary.

It's because Mr Humphreys is on the
perfume counter and unable to exercise

tidy influence on Mr Ted's counter.

It's got nothing to do with tidiness, Mr
Rumbold.

It's because Mr Humphreys isn't with us
and we're under man, and that's upset Mr

Ted, doesn't it? Right. There would be
raised eyebrows in the trade if we were

found out that I'd been alone in the
chents with a junior.

Yes, I do take his point, don't you,
Peacock?

Absolutely, sir. But I didn't take Mr
Humphreys away.

I would never allow Mr. Ted to have less
than two assistant salesmen. You're

quite right, Peacock. I was wrong.

It's obviously causing bad feeling, and
I shall rectify it immediately.

Shall I ask Mr.

Humphreys to return?

No, no, you will take his place.

I will take his place?

That's what I said.

I must protest.

No, it's not a matter for discussion.
I've made a decision.

I'm not taking over as senior salesman
serving behind the men's counter.

Quite correct. You are taking over Mr
Humphrey's position as assistant

under Mr Tebbs.

I'll show you the ropes.

You'd better sign for your tape and
chalk.

If this gets into the Floorwalkers
Gazette, you'll be ruined.

Let me get one thing straight.

Mr Lucas will still be under me, will he
not?

Of course.

Good.

Right on, in the fitting room.

It's just behind that curtain there.

Take over, Mr. Humphreys.

Yes, Mrs. Slocum.

true, then. You have been demoted.

I wouldn't be surprised to see a poppy
growing over there in the spot where you

used to stand.

It's all over the building. I just
couldn't believe it. Not Captain

reduced to the ranks.

I don't do, Harmon.

Excuse me.

Are you senior enough to sign for these
sweaters?

Oh, that's a swanky pen for a junior.

I am not a junior. Now, get about your
business.

Well, you want to be careful if you come
down the stockroom.

We always de -bag new boys.

What are you doing, Steve?

Lucas, you will continue to address me
as Captain Peacock.

And I would have thought that it was
obvious even to a man of your poor

intelligence that I am folding a
sweater.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. Mr. Ted would never stand
for that.

Excuse me.

Now, he likes it like this, you see.
Face down, fold that side over there

that, bend the arm down there, fold that
one in like that, bend that arm down

there, then over there like that, and
there you are. You've got it, you see.

You'll soon learn. A couple of weeks,
you'll soon get the hang of it.

I shall not be here in a couple of
weeks.

Well, that's up to Mr Rumbold, isn't it?
I mean, he goes like that, and you

jump. You know, I felt really sorry for
you in there.

I mean, I thought to myself, he made you
look about that big.

I thought to myself, what a comedown, I
thought.

After all those glorious years in the
pay corps. The Royal Army Service Corps.

Whatever it is.

I mean, to have to accept that sort of
humiliation lying down, but I mean, what

else can you do at your time of life?

I mean, even if you resign and go to the
labour exchange, what's going to

happen?

Yes, I can see it all now.

There you are in the queue, you get up
to the counter, you put in your card and

the voice says, Now then, Peacock, what
are we going to do with you, Mark?

What are you... qualifications.

We don't have no job, so nobody's
standing around looking snooty all day.

You bus conductor Monday, next week.

Lucas, tidy the handkerchief drawer?

Well, it is tidy.

Why, trash.

Blimey, she's got a right one in there.

Oh, she should be so lucky.

Four o 'clock and not a drop sold.

Miss Brahms, while you're at it, bring
me another corset. The size 40 multi

-hole jumbo expander.

The last time I saw something like that,
it was being used to restrain King

Kong. You haven't seen what she's got in
there.

Excuse me. You gave me quite a start.

I wonder if you could help me.

Well, I'm just standing in for someone
at the moment, but I'll do my best.

I'm not very happy with these stockings.

What seems to be the complaint?

Well, they ran as soon as I put them on.

Yes, I think I'd do the same.

Well, what are you going to do about it?

Well, at the moment, I'm riveted to the
spot.

Well, I think the least you could do is
to give me another pair.

Oh, yes, of course.

As a matter of fact, I'll give you two
pairs.

There we are. And if these should run,
don't hesitate to bring them back and

show them to me. I could start a whole
new way of life.

Thank you. That's really very sweet of
you.

Oh, not at all.

How could I resist such a lovely smile?

You're a very charming young man.

I'm quite sure you're going to go a long
way.

Do you know, the last time anyone said
that to me, I was standing in a white

surplus singing all things bright and
beautiful.

They're so aggressive these days, aren't
they?

Isn't that the truth?

They only want one thing.

They don't have much choice, do they?

Why don't we buy a hat?

Why do you say that?

I've got the very hat that'll go with
those lovely eyes.

Not many people can wear hats. You've
got a hat face.

Hang on a minute.

How about that?

Oh, I love it, I love it.

It's Dr Zhivago. It's Garbo.

It's Orient Express.

It's reduced.

I like it. I'll have it.

It's all on my husband's account anyway.

Oh, in that case, why don't you treat
yourself to a coat?

I don't suppose you'll be able to afford
it, but let's just slip it on for fun.

Oh, just the feel of it does something
for me. Oh, yes, I find that the same.

Three thousand pounds?

You'll have a heart attack.

Well, fortunately, it is black.

Well, I'm afraid it's engaged at the
moment.

Well, would you mind trying it on? Then
I can stand back and look.

As you can see, it's got the lovely high
collar.

Very haute couture.

Deep pockets.

A nice full back.

Note the swirl.

And of course, with the high heels, you
get that lovely balance.

Mr. Humphreys.

What do you think you're doing? Madam
has practically decided to take this

her. But it's 3 ,000 pounds.

I know, and I'm in the commission.

Not if I can persuade her to have
something else, you're not. Good

madam. I'll be served, madam.

Oh, blimey!

Miss Florence, bring the fox.

Which one?

The 3 ,000 -necker one.

I am the senior of sales.

lady. I'm so sorry I wasn't here to help
you. Oh, that's quite all right. I've

been very well looked after.

Yes. Now, how about this, madam?

Why don't you try this on before you
make up your mind?

Well, do you mind trying it on? It gives
me a better idea.

Well, certainly, madam.

Give me a hand, Miss Browns.

Oh, drama. The lining's gone.

Come here.

You see, this is a casual, rough round
style.

Very easy to get on and off.

What do you think?

You look like a cross between Nelson and
Basil Brush.

Well, I'm not really sure about the
colour. Do you know, I'm rather sold on

black. Get me that one, the one at the
end.

That's what happens when you buy a cheap
coat.

Now, this one is suitable for almost any
occasion.

It's Persian lum.

And it's a thousand pounds cheaper than
the one he's wearing.

Suitable for day wear or a night at the
opera?

I remember Groucho Marx wearing it.

That really is rather nice. Would you
mind modelling it for me?

Well, certainly, madam.

Ignore the shoes.

Could I see yours again? Sir.

It's difficult to decide.

It's very distracting seeing those
trousers and that hair.

Hang on a minute.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Drat! Come, everybody.

Young Mr. Grace.

Oh, good afternoon, Mr. Grace. Good
afternoon, Mr. Grace.

Good afternoon, Peter. You've been
demoted, I see.

Purely a temporary measure, sir.

You've been scribbling on the walls
again.

That's humorous cartoons.

That was 15 years ago.

I thought he got your ears very well.

Oh, is that the new girl from Blitz?

No, no, sir, that's not the blister. She
couldn't get here because of the fog.

Said a very attractive substitute.

Have you got a boyfriend?

Not at the moment.

I've got a table at Romano's with caviar
and a snap -up dinner.

Do you care to join me?

Well, it is Monday and my mother's only
got cottage pie.

That's what I'll do.