Original subtitles

If there's a golden rule in the world today, it's this.

Ignore thy neighbor.

Which, roughly translated, means stay out of my space.

Face it. It's every man for himself.

With, of course, the occasional exception. Hey, hold the elevator!

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

Hold it!

Meet the last good Samaritan.

Everybody off.

What? Never mind how I know this. Between this floor and the next floor,

elevator is going to get stuck.

I hear a company press it.

And you hear a claustrophobic actress. And you, you're in a hurry because

got to get to the men's room.

You're going to miss a board meeting. And because of that, your company is

to be sold out from underneath you. And because of that, the stock is going to

crash, wiping out thousands of small investors.

And you're going to go on stage tonight. You're going to forget all your lines.

And you, you're going to make everything very unpleasant for everyone. So get

off.

Well, get off!

Here you go.

Thank you.

What are you going to learn?

Sometimes it's better to just leave things alone the way they are.

Garrett, it's time to face facts.

You have a severe problem.

What is that? You care too much.

It's clouding your judgment.

Not to mention it's driving me nuts.

This wouldn't by any chance have anything to do with money.

Garrett, you've got to face reality, okay?

You can't fix everything.

Paper or not.

Things go wrong every day, and somehow the world survives.

Well, that's easy for you to say, isn't it? Because I'm sane.

I have this theory about you, that you have a gene missing, the one that makes

you see how things really are. It's a jungle out there. It's a dog -eat -dog

world. Survival of the fittest. People are animals. Think about it.

Hey!

See what I mean?

Hey! Let go!

You all right, buddy?

What do you think?

See? You're never going to learn, are you, huh?

What the hell was that?

You all right?

Better than he, I wager.

And you, how about that jaw?

That's quite a shot.

From down the street, when I saw your noble efforts come to naught, I borrowed

the seat and came in pursuit.

Oh, thanks, sir. Oh, no mention of that. The very least I could do, being a

fellow lawman myself.

You a cop?

No, no, not at the moment, sir, though I have worn a badge in my day.

Oh, Masterson's a name. William Masterson called me Bat. And you?

Uh, Gary Hobson. Aha.

This is Chuck Fishman. Chuck?

You say Bat Masterson? Yes, sir. As in the cowboy from the Old West? The, uh,

sheriff of Dodge City?

Ah, he's heard of me.

Probably thought I was dead, no doubt, huh?

Well, now, gentlemen, shall we return horse and wheel to their owners?

Come along, girl.

Well done.

Ah, that's what he is.

He thinks he's Bat Masterson.

To Valor.

Whatever you say.

Wyatt Earp said that courage was 90 % conviction and 10 % plain foolishness.

Well, then Wyatt said many things in his time that you probably know.

So you've read a lot about Wyatt?

Read about him?

Hell, I knew him. I was privileged to enjoy his friendship.

And that was what, like 100 years ago or so? More or less.

Here, get the net.

What was that?

Nothing. Mr. Masterson. Oh, no. Bat.

Bat.

Bat. Bat. Bat. Bat.

Forgive me for saying so, but it seems to me that you're not old enough to...

have written with Wyatt?

Yes. You're not the first one to know that.

I bet. Bat.

I appreciate your skepticism.

Truth be told.

Most folks think I'm... But they, of course, wonder

about the derby to stick.

And when they ask you about the derby and the stick, what is it that you tell

them? The truth.

Life is full of improbables.

Who's to say what is or isn't?

You know, somehow I sense that you in particular would understand that.

Am I correct?

Are you nuts?

Look, I don't want to, like, pop your balloon right into that, but this whole

thing's a bit bizarre.

Am I correct?

I... Well, a trip to the gents, then I'm heading home. Gentlemen, I've enjoyed

our little chat.

I got this.

Well, thank you, sir.

Where are you going? I'm going to get as far away from this cuckoo as possible.

No, wait a minute now. Why? Wait for what? The guy's out of his mind. His

elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top.

Something special about this guy. Don't start, all right? He's not your problem.

I'm going with him. Where? He's going to go home. I'll go with him. I'll make

sure his gifts are okay.

Okay, fine. You do that. But, uh, please just take my advice.

Just temporarily.

Well, the loony bin, right?

Keep the game.

You see what I have to put up with?

How long have you lived here?

Almost ten years.

Can we go in?

Come on.

It's not palatial, but it has its amenities.

A dignified quiet.

Ah, Jonathan.

Been out again, have you? Why, was I missed?

Did I have visitors?

Yeah, a lone ranger in Tonto.

You sneak out on me again, and I am going to lock you up. You understand me?

-huh. May I remind you, my good man, that my sojourn here is entirely

Yeah, that's great.

Jonathan, Mr.

Murphy needs help in the kitchen. I'll see Sheriff Masterson to his room.

Crazy truth.

Ah, Lily.

Welcome home, Bat. We were worried about you.

Miss Langtry, permit me to introduce Mr. Hobson, a fellow dabbler in the law.

Miss Langtry is the proprietor of this establishment and a dear friend as well.

Mr. Hobson.

Miss Langtry?

Feinstein will do. Barbara Feinstein.

Sheriff, I wonder if I might have a moment with Mr. Hobson. It's a matter of

some importance.

Oh, well, feel free.

I'll wash off the dust, then later we'll share a glass of brandy to stem the

cold. Of course. Excuse me.

He's quite a character.

In my office.

Now.

What was it this time?

Beg your pardon?

Stolen car? Car room brawl?

Borrowed a horse.

I mean, everything turned out all right. Really?

Who is he? I mean, other than... Who he is is none of your business, Mr. Hobson.

The question is...

Who are you?

Look, I'm not a bad guy.

You're just a concerned citizen.

Is that it?

You might say that. Well, if that's the case, you can fulfill your civic duty by

leaving. I chose over.

You don't have much faith in human nature, do you?

I'm a doctor, Mr. Hobson. I leave faith to the clergy.

Are we done?

So she threw you out. Do you blame her?

That's right. Take her side.

Well, she is a doctor. Maybe she knows what she's doing.

Maybe so, maybe not.

Why the sudden curiosity about someone you've never met before?

I don't know. It just doesn't add up. I mean... I know the guy's crazy.

But somehow he's... he's not.

Well, that clears things up.

What do you suppose happens to someone to make him want to be someone else?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but I do know what it's like to be told you're crazy every day.

And that qualifies you to help.

Maybe you're right. Maybe it's none of my business.

Probably not.

Four diamonds.

I can do about it anyway.

Not a thing.

Jen, makes five in a row.

See you.

Morning. Morning.

Oh, Mr. Hobson, there's someone to see you.

Morning.

What are you doing here?

Well, I thought if you'll ride, maybe we'd ride together.

How did you find me?

Not a difficult task.

In my day, I've tracked men for hundreds of miles without losing a trail.

Why did you find me?

Ah, direct and to the point. I admire that, sir. The fact is I need your

assistance for a matter that requires our immediate attention.

Our attention?

The first time I laid eyes on Wyatt, I knew it was wise to align myself with

such a man.

I have the same instinct with you.

Look, that's all great, but I'm not a lawman.

So said Wyatt.

And yet he was.

Have you ever heard of the Clanton gang?

You mean the O .K. Corral? The same.

Blaggards, all of them.

One of them has returned.

Which one?

Ike, the black sheep, my old nemesis.

He's come back to town.

We have to track him down.

We?

Well, if you're game.

Look, Bat, I'd love to help you out here, but I've got business of my own

got to tend to. Oh, what is it?

It's kind of a fight.

Oh, my kind of action. I'll come with you. Oh, no, no, no.

Look, Pat, Dr.

Feinstein, she... I mean, Miss Langtry.

Yes?

Well, see, uh... Look, I gotta do this alone, you understand?

Of course.

Best of luck to you, son.

Well, good.

Well, good, good, good. And the best of luck to you, Pat. Thank you. Yes, sir.

Oh, give me a holler if you get into trouble.

I think I already have.

He's got a knife. And he's got a knife, too. He's going to pull his out and he's

going to cut you up pretty bad. And you're going to go to jail.

Well,

well, well.

Just what I like.

A nice, friendly game.

Who the hell are you?

I am a personal friend of that man on the floor.

What is this, Halloween?

You're Wild Bill Hickok, right?

I take that reference to the unseemly Hickok as a slur on my character.

You have five seconds to take it back.

Oh, you want to have a go?

Hey!

Goggle with salt water.

Breathe deeply, my friend.

Now, where were we?

The time.

Did I ever tell you, sir, about the time?

Mostly Ike, the bad boy.

You know what? You're catching it, aren't you?

Catching what?

Whatever he's got.

Garrett, one more piece of advice, huh?

Take him home, drop him off, and then get the hell out.

I can't do that.

Why not?

Because we're kind of... we're... riding together.

Oh, my God.

Look, save my life. What am I supposed to tell him, huh? How about hasta la

vista, or, uh... Happy trails, huh?

Gentlemen, to friends in need.

Oh, sure, why not?

Speaking of which, those men in the pool hall.

You didn't know them?

No, not exactly.

Then would you mind telling me how you knew they'd be mixing it up?

If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

That's funny.

It's just so pleasant to hear someone else say it for a change.

Yeah.

Gets you every time, huh?

In any event, it'll make a fine story for my memoirs. Miss Langtree will love

it. Are you sure that you want to tell Miss Langtree about this? Of course.

I tell her everything.

Unless you'd prefer to have that pleasure yourself.

A pool hall?

I didn't take him there.

Oh, and that's where you spend your mornings? Shooting pool?

No, I don't spend my mornings shooting pool. Where is he now?

In his room, keeping an eye out for Ike Clanton.

Come on.

You're encouraging him, aren't you?

No. Mr. Hobson, let me explain something I hoped you already knew.

He's not really Bat Masterson. And you're not his sidekick. And Ike

been dead for a century. Yeah, I know that.

Good. So why does he think he's alive?

You just don't give up, do you?

I don't know why, but he trusts me.

You tell me, maybe I can help.

And if I don't?

I'll keep you voluntarily.

You don't tell me, I'll find out for myself.

His real name is Mike Killebrew.

And he was a cop.

He was one of Chicago's best.

Decorated a dozen times.

He had all the instincts of a man born for the job.

Then one day he made a mistake.

He walked into an ambush he should have seen coming.

Worth, he brought his partner.

He recovered in time.

But his partner was killed.

He blamed himself. He tried to come back to the force, but his mind couldn't

handle the grief.

He had no family, so the department sent him here.

That Masterson made his first appearance a short while after that.

Why Bat Masterson?

Sometimes a person who's lost self -esteem embraces the identity of someone

most admires.

Bat Masterson was a boyhood idol of his, so that's who he chose.

That's who he's been for the past ten years.

Safe.

Secure.

Up until two weeks ago.

What happened two weeks ago?

I don't know. He won't tell me.

All I know is he's launched into this Ike Clanton fantasy.

That's why he goes out every day, to look for him.

Maybe that's not so bad. I mean, maybe in his own way, that's the way he deals

with it. You a psychiatrist, Mr. Hobson?

Look, you said you wanted to help.

If that's true, you can by leaving his treatment to me.

Or are you willing to be responsible for what happens next?

I'd like to say goodbye.

I think it's better I do that after you're gone.

What will you say?

I'll tell him you ride alone.

You're just in time. I've got him now. I can't. I can't allow this.

There.

Next stop, Wilson.

He's gone.

Watch the closing door.

Open the door.

Open the door. I demand in the name of the law. Stop.

Stop. The man is mine.

Stop. Man.

I lost him.

He slipped from my craft.

Look, not yours.

Ours. Ours?

But Miss Lily said that you preferred to ride alone.

Well, Miss Lily was wrong.

Oh.

Oh, all right, then.

We'll make a plan.

We'll follow him to hell. Am I right?

Yeah. And Killebrew be damned!

Whoa, wait a second.

Do you mean Mike Killebrew?

You know the name?

Oh, yeah.

Then you know what he did.

Well, I don't... Officer Killebrew was weak.

There's no room for a man like that in our profession.

When he fails, we will succeed.

Are you coming or not?

Oh, yeah.

Are they kidding? Who

pens this nonsense?

You invited him here?

There wasn't a choice.

Did the keeper know about this?

No, not yet.

This is absurd.

William Bonney wasn't like this at all.

How's that, Sheriff?

Billy the Kid. He was just a punk and a liar. No one could stand him.

Care? She's going to come looking for him.

I am not taking him back there. Not after what happened out there today.

Yeah, in his head, yes.

We're not talking about straight puppies here, okay? We're talking about a grown

schizophrenic. Believe me, you're going in way over your head.

You know, here's something that never got out.

When Pat Garrett caught up with Billy, Jesse James sent Pat a solid gold fly

swatter in gratitude.

Damn poetic gesture, if you ask me.

I read my case.

I'm not going to send him back to that place to rot.

That's not your decision.

Fine, fine. We'll let it be his besides.

It's only for one night.

Yeah, and then what?

Well, then, tomorrow we'll see what happens.

All right. Well, gentlemen, time for bed.

Time for bed.

Oh, if I may be allowed a blanket or two, I thought I'd go out on your roof

sleep under the stars.

In this weather?

You're going to need a lot more than a blanket or two.

Remind me to tell you of the winter of 86.

In the Rockies.

No, thank you.

Good night.

Pleasant dreams.

You're gonna be lucky if you live through this night.

Hey.

Did I tell you he told me I reminded him of Wyatt Earp?

He told me I reminded him of Pocahontas.

You asleep?

One eye open all the time.

Listen, about Clint.

You want to know how I found him?

High time you got curious.

So now you believe me.

Well, I, uh... Simple police work.

How's that?

As soon as I realized that he'd returned...

It was just a matter of tracking the prey, as it were.

Returned from where?

Every felon carries with him a signature.

Two weeks ago, Clanton left his, and I read it.

Read it where?

All in good time, my friend.

I'll tell you tomorrow, after I report to the proper authorities.

We'll pay a visit to my old friend, Officer Crumb.

Good night.

Good night.

And that's sports.

Turning to the news, there was a disturbance last night at a famous

spot. At 11 o 'clock, police were summoned to the warehouse in West

quell a disturbance there.

Where is he?

Dr. Feinstein.

Where is he?

Uh... How'd you get my address?

Mr. Hobson, I have just about had it with you. Now, is he here or not?

Come in.

I meant to call you last night. No, you didn't.

Something happened you should know about. You saw Ike Clanton.

What? He mentioned Mike Killebrew.

Where is he now?

He's on the roof.

There's something you should know. I think something maybe happened because

started talking about... We're on the roof.

He's gone. Nice work, Dr.

Hobson. Thanks to you, he is about to reenter the world that drove him to this

in the first place.

I don't suppose you have any idea where he might have gone.

Authorities. Can I help you?

I believe I know my way around, sir.

What do you think you're doing?

Oh, I'm here to speak to Detective Crump, Sergeant.

And you would be?

An old friend, sir.

Sorry he's busy.

Oh, he'll want to see me.

Sheriff.

It's Langford.

Hudson? I had to tell him.

Ah, I understand.

You know, Lily, if I didn't know better, I'd almost say that you were sweet on

me. Matt, you shouldn't be here. I want you to come home now.

Your concern is touching, but I'm in no danger here.

This is a house of the law.

Where?

Oh, good morning, detective.

White Killebrew?

Masterson, sir.

Bat Masterson.

What is this, some kind of a prank or something?

My friends and I have come to confer with you.

Sure.

Hold my calls.

This way.

Willie?

Is that who I think it is?

So, this is a surprise.

It's been a few years since... So, well, how are you making it along?

Well, if it's all right with you, sir, time being of the essence, we'll

with pleasantries and get right to the point.

Sure, go ahead.

Sir, it's my understanding that a detective in your department was

his home recently. That's a terrible thing.

Allow me to extend my sympathies.

So you read about that, huh? I believe I know who's responsible.

What? A devil.

A devil that I pursued for many years from one territory to the next. None

than Ike Clanton.

What, the singer?

Ike and Tina? No, he means the OK Corral. I'm quite sure that a lawman

detective knows well of the man.

Despite his jests. Oh, yeah, yeah, I know him quite well.

As a matter of fact, you might be right.

I'll run a check on this Clanton guy. Sir, with all due respect, I don't take

kindly to the bum's rush.

At least let me finish.

All right, go ahead. Thank you.

Now, some years back, another detective in your department was gunned down by

Clanton. I know this to be true, though, in those days...

He went by another name, Rico Salazar.

Salazar? I see you remember.

Yeah, I remember.

Pat, who told you about this?

Mike Killebrew.

You talked to him?

No, he contacted me indirectly some weeks later.

Now, Killebrew read about this latest murder, and he believes that there's a

link between this murder and the murder of his own partner.

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, frankly, I assumed that you'd greet the news with undue skepticism.

Given Killebrew's medical status, he's not altogether there, you know.

Nevertheless, the fact remains.

That Salazar is on the loose.

Mike, come on.

This was years ago. No one's even seen Salazar.

It's bad.

He's gone.

He left the country years ago. Can anybody help him understand? He's not

He's here.

I'm telling you, he's here, Zeke.

You look and you'll find him. I'll bet my bad time.

Excuse me, sir. What is it?

Well, it's just, uh, we were wondering.

This nutcase, the son of a bitch who let his partner die?

Get out.

Just asking. I said get out!

Look, Mike, I'm sorry.

No, no, that's all right.

We've taken up enough of your time.

It's been a long day.

Miss Langtry, gentlemen, till we meet again.

It's detected.

Yes, they were out of line.

I'm sure you will.

How is he?

I don't know.

It's my fault.

He depends on me. I never should have let him out of my sight.

I'm not so sure.

What?

Maybe it was a good thing for him to go down there. Did you even see what

happened? You said it yourself.

He depends on you.

Maybe what he needs is to depend on himself for a change. What do you know?

You haven't been taking care of him for the past ten years. You didn't see him

when he first arrived.

No, that's true.

I just see him now.

If no one objects, I believe I'm heading out for a walk.

A little night air to clear the head.

No.

What?

From now on, Sheriff, you will be staying in at night. Jonathan!

You have no right to make such a request.

I do if I choose to, and for now, I choose. Wait a minute.

Jonathan, for the time being, Sheriff Masterson's out -of -house privileges

suspended.

Well, well.

Well, this is not acceptable, Lily. Right this way, my friend. Lily!

Lily!

Lily!

Meinstein, don't do this. It won't work. I am simply protecting my patient. No,

you're not protecting anyone. What you're doing is holding them back. From

fantasy.

Ike Clanton, Rico Salazar. It's pure Pulp Fiction nonsense.

What if it's not Pulp Fiction? Rico Salazar. What if he's right? And what if

he's wrong?

It is just not worth the risk to find out.

Good night, Mr. Hudson.

Oh, no, I'm not leaving.

Trust me, you are.

The question is, do I have to call the police?

My God, was it that?

He caught me with that cane.

I never saw it coming.

He said he was going to call out Clanton. Oh, God, he's out there on his

And he's got a gun. What? What gun?

Mine.

Up earlier.

out. Leave me a shout.

Boss, will I have any messages?

Not that I know of. How about any visitors?

The guy with the derby hat?

No.

All right, thank you.

Hobson, I've been calling since dawn. I thought he might have... He didn't come

back here.

I searched the hospitals. I searched the homeless shelters.

He didn't come home.

I don't think he will.

Funny. I'm the doctor. I fix people. That's my job.

I didn't see it.

I didn't see what you did. He didn't need protecting. He needed an ally.

Will you find him for me?

Excuse

me

a moment.

What's going on?

I know where to look.

You again?

Where's Mr.

Buffalo Bill? Out right in the range?

Hey!

What is this? He found Salazar.

Oh, come on. I told you. You're wrong.

Salazar's back in the country.

He's dealing drugs from a warehouse downtown, and I'll lay odds he's the one

ambushed your man last month. You got any proof of this? Aside from what?

Look, you know Mike Kilbrew. Not now, then.

He's one of the best, right?

Mike Kilbrew makes a connection. That ought to be enough for you, Crumb. Yeah,

but after what happened... It doesn't matter.

He's not doing this for himself. He's doing it for a partner who died ten

ago.

He's trying to find his way back. Help him, Crumb.

This is good.

Welcome back to America, yes?

All right.

We want men front and back.

And up on the roof, too. If Salazar's in there, we're going to have trouble. You

two stay here. Wait.

My patient's in there, too. He has a gun. If you break in there with all your

men, there's no telling what he might do.

All right, you're calling the shots.

What's next?

ladies, my friend.

Shall I go?

Okay, you know who I am. But who are you?

An old acquaintance. Drop your weaponry, gentlemen, and kick it over here, if

you please.

Whatever you say.

Mr. Hobson, move away.

You remember me, sir.

I don't think so.

Should I?

Think back at this.

Ten years or so?

Sad, alas. It would be more fitting if it did.

Nevertheless... Mike, don't do this. It's not worth it. I'm sorry, my friend,

but accounts must be squared.

I said listen.

What about Mike Killebrew?

He's the one that's going to take the blame for this.

Perhaps he deserves it.

He killed his partner.

No, that's not true. It wasn't his fault.

Look, no one could have seen it coming.

Is that so?

I was a cop for 20 years.

I knew how it worked.

But I got cocky.

Arrogant.

I should have seen it coming.

Because of me, my best friend, Dave Morelli, left the widow and three small

kids.

I couldn't even kill myself.

Believe that?

I lost my nerve. Listen to me.

Mike Killebrew can have his life back, the one that was stolen.

But you pull that trigger, and Salazar's not going to be the thief, it's going

to be you.

And that would be a shame.

That would be a shame, because I think a good man suffered long enough.

I'll cut these guys.

All right, let's go. Right behind your back.

Now, move.

Another hand up, sir.

Get up to your hands. All right, guys.

He's dead.

All right, come on. Hands up.

Come on.

How's he doing?

He's remembering more of his old life.

He's putting it back together like a puzzle, writing it down.

He tells me maybe he'll publish a book.

Like the man said, life is full of improbables.

Who's to say what is and isn't?

A man gets lost, then finds himself again.

Sure.

Crazier things have happened.

Oi. You're just in time, son.

The hole in the wall gang just rode into town.

Huh?

Oh.

Watch yourself out there.

Chicago's a lot tougher than Dodge City.

Yeah, it's, uh... Oh.

Beth wanted you to have this.

And this.

Tell him I said thank you.

I'm not going to see him.

Now go on, get out of here.

You've got a town to protect.

Back when the West was very young There lived a man named

Masterson He wore a cane and derby hat They called him

Bad, Bad Masterson

It's Murder Mystery Week on the Hallmark Channel. Perry Mason's former

secretary, Della, has been left half a million dollars, and the person who left

it in his will was murdered.

All the fingers point to Della, except Perry Mason's. Perry Mason returns next

on Hallmark.