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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:54,420 I finally nailed him. 2 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,220 That ain't no bomber. 3 00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:08,540 Get him out of here. 4 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:54,760 Good morning. It's Christmas Eve day here in Chicago. Time to hang that 5 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,420 mistletoe and hit those stores. 6 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:01,520 The temperature stands at a chilly 33 degrees, but forecasters are calling for 7 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,840 things to warm up for Santa's arrival tonight. 8 00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:08,600 In the news today, police continue their search for the elusive teddy bear 9 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,920 bomber who has terrorized Chicago for almost three weeks. 10 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,180 Working on anonymous tips... Hey, buddy! 11 00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:18,540 Merry Christmas! 12 00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:21,170 What's that? 13 00:02:21,650 --> 00:02:22,650 It's a tree. 14 00:02:23,890 --> 00:02:24,890 Call it a tree? 15 00:02:25,210 --> 00:02:26,250 I bought it for you. 16 00:02:26,970 --> 00:02:27,970 You bought that? 17 00:02:28,890 --> 00:02:30,030 Well, it fell off a truck. 18 00:02:30,690 --> 00:02:31,609 I'm touched. 19 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:32,569 I knew you would be. 20 00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:36,810 Wow, I see you've gone all out with the holiday trimmings. It looks very festive 21 00:02:36,810 --> 00:02:37,830 in here, very decorative. 22 00:02:38,310 --> 00:02:39,310 Thank you. 23 00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:41,430 I haven't exactly had much time to do things. 24 00:02:41,690 --> 00:02:42,970 I see. You're in denial. 25 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,330 It's understandable. 26 00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:45,789 How's that? 27 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,850 Well, it's your first Christmas alone, divorced. 28 00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:49,760 Living on top of a hotel. 29 00:02:49,980 --> 00:02:51,120 No social life. 30 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:53,600 Must be rough. 31 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,900 Thank you very much for reminding me of that, Chuck. 32 00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:59,540 Fortunately, I have a cure for your nagging midwinter blues. 33 00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:01,500 Yep. What's that? 34 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,040 Ta -da! 35 00:03:05,860 --> 00:03:07,560 Lift tickets to wind dance, buddy. 36 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:09,700 You get ski tickets. 37 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:11,540 You and me out on the slopes Christmas Eve. 38 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,680 Couple of babes in stretch pants. 39 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,280 I got my car back and waiting downstairs. Let's go pack a bag! 40 00:03:17,580 --> 00:03:19,060 You got ski tickets? Yep. 41 00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:21,820 Here. 42 00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:23,260 Here. 43 00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:25,700 I can't go. 44 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:27,478 Why not? 45 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:28,880 What do you mean, why not? I can't go. 46 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:42,200 Come on, Gare. One night out of town. What is the big deal? What's the big 47 00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:44,060 You know what the big deal is. I'm stuck with this thing. 48 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:51,020 People need help on the holidays. This holiday, I'm stuck serving up the help. 49 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:52,900 Not if you're not there to do it, right? 50 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,200 I had an uncle who killed himself on Christmas. 51 00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:57,420 Really? 52 00:03:58,500 --> 00:03:59,500 Whoa, is he depressed? 53 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,340 No. Just stuck his fork in the toaster. 54 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:08,300 All I'm saying is, Gary, you have the right to enjoy yourself. 55 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:09,379 Everyone does. 56 00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:10,380 Uh -huh. 57 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:13,560 What are you doing tonight? 58 00:04:14,540 --> 00:04:15,540 Waiting for Santa. 59 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:17,840 Santa? 60 00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:19,260 Yeah, why? 61 00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:22,580 So, you actually believe in Santa Claus? 62 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:24,620 In theory, at least. 63 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:29,200 In theory, you believe that there's some fat guy in a red suit who flies around 64 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,480 on a sled and hangs out with a bunch of elves. 65 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,560 Yeah, Mr. Grinch, and what do you believe in? 66 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,080 Presents. 67 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:36,920 I'll come back later. 68 00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:38,260 Thanks, Gidget. 69 00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:41,480 Listen, Gary, are you going to go with me or not? 70 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,120 Come on, the world can take care of itself for a day. 71 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,060 I don't think I'm going to make it. 72 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:52,300 An explosive device hidden inside a child's toy teddy bear detonated today 73 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:54,660 Bicentennial Skating Rink in downtown Chicago. 74 00:04:57,980 --> 00:05:03,580 The explosion, which occurred at 10 .45 in the morning, killed 20 holiday 75 00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:06,020 skaters and injured 50 more. 76 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,560 Police revealed that the bomber left a note in the wreckage. 77 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,400 But officials refused to divulge the contents. 78 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,160 Now he's going to become a murderer. 79 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:23,640 I'm going to need your help, Chuck. 80 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,740 Fine, fine. You save the world. Me? I'm going skiing. 81 00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:30,780 And do what? Chase around a bunch of bunnies? 82 00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:31,879 You got it. 83 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:32,880 Uh -huh. 84 00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:35,640 Look, this is too big. I'm going to need some help. I'm telling you. 85 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:38,720 Qualified help. 86 00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:41,160 Yeah? And where are you going to get that? 87 00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:44,320 I almost hate to say it. 88 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:46,600 Say it anyway. 89 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,440 Well... No, no, I don't want to hear it. 90 00:05:48,820 --> 00:05:50,260 All I want to know is who is this guy? 91 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,600 Three weeks on this case, he's running us ragged. 92 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:53,980 The mayor wants action. 93 00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:57,720 Said he bears my butt. Go on, get out of here. 94 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:03,720 Sir? 95 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,160 What is it? The mayor's on the phone. 96 00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:07,780 Again. 97 00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:09,340 Tell him I'm dead. 98 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:10,619 Yes, sir. 99 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,120 And there's someone to see you. 100 00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:13,709 What kind of someone? 101 00:06:13,710 --> 00:06:16,070 Says he knows things about the bomber. 102 00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:17,390 Oh, of course he does. 103 00:06:17,730 --> 00:06:20,230 Everybody knows things about this bomber except me. Tell him to beat it. 104 00:06:20,650 --> 00:06:21,850 He also says he knows you. 105 00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:23,810 Me? What's his name? 106 00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:25,970 Hobson. 107 00:06:26,570 --> 00:06:27,570 Remember me? 108 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,430 Oh, no. 109 00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:36,690 Nice beard, polyester. 110 00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,610 Hey, Santa, get yourself a real job, huh? 111 00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:55,930 Excuse me. 112 00:06:56,710 --> 00:06:57,710 Is this your vehicle? 113 00:06:58,050 --> 00:06:59,050 Yes, it is. 114 00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:02,010 Nice. Thank you. 115 00:07:02,310 --> 00:07:04,230 I'm going to see you. I don't think so. 116 00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:07,070 Excuse me. You're coming downtown with us. 117 00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:09,450 Scoff law violation. 118 00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:10,810 We're impounding your car. 119 00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:21,660 Yes, 120 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:22,800 sir. This morning? 121 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,300 That's right, 10 .45. 122 00:07:24,740 --> 00:07:25,740 But it hasn't happened yet? 123 00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:27,880 No. But it's going to, you sure? 124 00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:34,420 Yes. And you know this because... Well, I'd rather not say. Because if you did, 125 00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:35,800 I wouldn't believe you. 126 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,500 Who put you up to this anyway? 127 00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:42,320 What? Some guy with a sick sense of humor? Some comedy guy? 128 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,760 No, I'm telling you the truth. Oh, sure you are. 129 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:48,000 Like all the other 87 hot tips we got today, huh? No. 130 00:07:48,730 --> 00:07:52,390 Look, this one is real. People are gonna die. I'm just trying to help you here. 131 00:07:52,650 --> 00:07:54,090 No, of course you are, Mrs. Flatt. 132 00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:55,730 Look, do me a favor. 133 00:07:56,170 --> 00:07:57,710 Go help somebody else, huh? 134 00:07:58,290 --> 00:07:59,290 Get him out of here. 135 00:07:59,970 --> 00:08:03,010 Look, this is gonna happen today, Crump. He's gonna leave a note. 136 00:08:04,270 --> 00:08:05,750 Did you say a note? 137 00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:08,250 Okay, talk. 138 00:08:09,050 --> 00:08:09,989 About what? 139 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:10,990 About the note. 140 00:08:11,330 --> 00:08:12,249 Where is it? 141 00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,189 What's it like? 142 00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:14,470 What's it say? Look, I don't know. 143 00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:17,730 All I know is that it's found in the wreckage. Oh. 144 00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:19,289 Like these were? 145 00:08:22,390 --> 00:08:23,249 No one. 146 00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:25,690 Not even the press knew about these. We were keeping a secret. Now, who told 147 00:08:25,690 --> 00:08:26,690 you? 148 00:08:32,169 --> 00:08:33,590 I can't tell you. Eight of these. 149 00:08:33,850 --> 00:08:35,390 In three weeks, all addressed to me. 150 00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:36,710 Ha, ha, ha. 151 00:08:37,169 --> 00:08:37,869 Fooled you. 152 00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:38,870 This guy's giving me a headache. 153 00:08:39,030 --> 00:08:41,429 Well, look, I'm sorry about that, but what do you want me to do? You're sorry? 154 00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:42,490 What about me? 155 00:08:42,570 --> 00:08:43,570 This is Christmas Eve. 156 00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:44,890 I should be home with my kids. 157 00:08:45,290 --> 00:08:47,470 Instead, I'm sitting around with some guy who thinks he's the amazing Kreskin. 158 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:50,280 And what's worse, I'm even starting to believe them. 159 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:51,720 Now, is that nuts? 160 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:52,740 Don't answer that. 161 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,340 It's a bicentennial gating link in less than an hour. 162 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:00,800 Yeah. 163 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,800 Now, we're staying here. 164 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,540 Sir, Mayor's calling again. 165 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:14,240 All right, look, Bob's squad is SWAT. They're lots of communication. 166 00:09:15,619 --> 00:09:18,620 And warn the locals that we're coming in. But keep it quiet. I don't want to 167 00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:21,700 cause a panic. Excuse me, shouldn't you evacuate the rink over there? On what 168 00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:22,960 grounds? A little birdie told me? 169 00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:27,640 A little birdie. Look, people get cranky when you shut down their business on a 170 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,579 hunch. 171 00:09:28,580 --> 00:09:30,020 Show me your bomb and then we'll talk. 172 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,480 Me? 173 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:37,080 No, I don't know where the bomb is. I don't know exactly where it is. Fine, 174 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:38,660 on along for the ride. We'll have a lot of fun. 175 00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:40,280 Oh, no, no, no. Listen, Charlie. 176 00:09:40,540 --> 00:09:41,580 Gary. It's Gary. 177 00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:45,160 Whomever. You're not walking until I find this S .O .B. You want to guess 178 00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:50,240 Because it might be me. 179 00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:52,280 Bingo. It might be you. Get in the car. 180 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,300 Shouldn't you be solving murders or prosecuting drug dealers or something? 181 00:10:12,140 --> 00:10:13,140 This is ridiculous. 182 00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:14,860 Who's this? 183 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:16,120 Fishman Charles. 184 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,980 Chuck, as my good friend the congressman calls me. 185 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:21,400 Which congressman? 186 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:23,240 All of them. 187 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,080 Look, Sergeant, there's obviously been some sort of mistake here. 188 00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:29,760 These Nazis took my car. 189 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,040 Now, I am willing to overlook... What's he in for? 190 00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:33,379 Parking tickets. 191 00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:34,380 See what I mean? 192 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:35,579 Parking tickets. 193 00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:36,199 How many? 194 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,200 106. 195 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,060 Okay, so I park a lot. 196 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,020 It's a big city. It happens. 197 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:47,300 You know, mail and schedules. I've been so busy lately, as I'm sure you have. 198 00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:52,400 To tell you the truth, I thought I already paid. 199 00:10:53,460 --> 00:10:56,620 So, just tell me what the fine is, I'll pay it, and I'll be gone. 200 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:57,880 Too late for that. 201 00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:02,360 Okay, then bail. How much is bail? A couple of hundred? A grand? 202 00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:06,700 I'll write you a check right now, okay? And then next week, after I'm off the 203 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:07,960 slopes... That's up to the judge. 204 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:09,800 Judge? 205 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,280 Where? 206 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,260 Court convenes early Thursday morning. 207 00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:14,980 That's the day after tomorrow. 208 00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:18,580 What is this, some sort of joke? 209 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,360 A little yuletide humor? 210 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,800 Think of it as your personal manger. 211 00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:29,100 You can't do this. 212 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:30,440 This isn't Bolivia. 213 00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,600 I'll call Johnny Cochran. 214 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:34,600 Oh, great. 215 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,140 This is just perfect. 216 00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:37,960 Think you got a problem? 217 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:39,960 I'm late for work. 218 00:11:41,739 --> 00:11:42,880 Yeah? And who are you? 219 00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:45,900 Santa Claus. 220 00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:54,820 Hey, this is it. How much time we got? Fifteen minutes, maybe less. 221 00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:58,040 You sure you don't want to change your story? No, this is going to happen. 222 00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,320 me. Yeah, I was afraid of that. 223 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,160 Look, Crumb, can't we get these people out of here just to be on the safe side? 224 00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:03,139 You like skating? 225 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:05,660 Huh? They like skating. They came here to skate. 226 00:12:05,940 --> 00:12:07,100 Let's look around first, okay? 227 00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:08,920 Yo, you better look back! 228 00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:14,380 Oh, boy. 229 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:15,919 Oh, boy. 230 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,300 Hey, Aunt Marge. 231 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,740 It's me, Chuck Fishman. How are you? 232 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:22,560 Your nephew, remember? 233 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,860 Yeah. Hey, Merry Christmas. 234 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:31,500 Yeah, that's right, the scrawny one. Listen, Aunt Marge, I'm in a bit of a 235 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:36,940 here, and... No, no, no, I'm not coming to visit. Uh -huh. I'm in jail, and I've 236 00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:39,780 called everyone I know, and... Hello? 237 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:42,280 Marge? 238 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:44,760 Cut off? 239 00:12:46,540 --> 00:12:47,540 Hung up. 240 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,000 She's like that. 241 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:50,240 Who? 242 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,520 Marge. 243 00:12:52,780 --> 00:12:53,940 You know my aunt? 244 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,220 Well, I know everyone. 245 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:56,620 Been to the house. 246 00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:00,540 Oh, that's right, because you're, uh... Uh -huh. 247 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,700 Hey! Can someone get in here? 248 00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:06,300 I'd like to make a complaint! 249 00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:08,900 Sergeant! His name's Eddie. 250 00:13:09,180 --> 00:13:12,160 We used to call him Stinker when he was eight. Don't bring it up. 251 00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:13,460 He's sensitive. 252 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:15,680 Hello! 253 00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:17,860 Problem here? 254 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,920 Yeah, I got a problem. 255 00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:20,920 When do I get out of this rat trap? 256 00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:24,040 Once you run through your files, the computer's down right now. Well, get it 257 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:24,659 back up. 258 00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:26,600 Have a little patience. It's Christmas Eve. 259 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,020 Give me that cellular phone. This is a jail. 260 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:30,520 Hey, hey, hey. 261 00:13:33,940 --> 00:13:34,940 What's with this guy? 262 00:13:35,740 --> 00:13:36,740 Breaking and entering. 263 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,460 They picked him up on a rooftop trying to sneak down a chimney. 264 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,080 Meant to clean the whole place out. 265 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:42,900 It's not how it looked. 266 00:13:44,260 --> 00:13:50,100 Look, I don't want to seem pushy, but I need to be going. See, my sleigh's due 267 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,080 to pick me up in a half hour in the park. 268 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:53,880 And then where, the North Pole? 269 00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:55,380 Oh, Thailand. 270 00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:59,340 You know how it is. Once you get behind on a gig like this, you're fruitcake. 271 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,260 Well, a lot of kids are going to be disappointed. 272 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,340 You really believe this, don't you? 273 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:12,540 I think you're out of your mind. 274 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,720 Then you're gonna get a lump of coal. 275 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,320 Anything yet? No sign of it anywhere. 276 00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:29,220 Your chain of lockers? Doing it now. 277 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:31,920 Well? 278 00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:34,280 We just gotta keep looking. It's gotta be here somewhere. 279 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,600 Of course it is. 280 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:36,920 Unless, of course, it ain't. 281 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:39,759 What's happening? 282 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,220 Meaning maybe it's here, maybe it's not. 283 00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:42,580 Maybe it's on the moon. 284 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,980 Maybe you're the bomber. Or maybe I'm just out of my mind. Well, that's a good 285 00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:47,080 possibility. Let me tell you. 286 00:14:47,540 --> 00:14:49,220 Nothing. All right, we're out of here. 287 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,180 You have some explaining to do. 288 00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:53,920 What are you talking about? You can't leave. 289 00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:54,859 Try me. 290 00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:57,640 Look, people are going to die, Crumb. Yeah, me from frostbite. I'm going to 291 00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:58,640 out of here. 292 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:00,320 Crumb, the bear. 293 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:23,960 For the second time. 294 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:25,980 I don't see any list. 295 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:27,480 Oh, it's in my head. 296 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,300 It would take forever to put something like that down on paper. 297 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:31,700 It's easier this way. 298 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,140 It's kind of like that movie Rain Man. 299 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,400 Well, go ahead. You know, quiz me. 300 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,720 I don't have time for your stupid games. Of course you do. 301 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:43,040 You're in prison. 302 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:44,339 Go ahead. 303 00:16:44,340 --> 00:16:45,340 Any name. 304 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,480 Try it. 305 00:16:47,620 --> 00:16:48,700 Martin Gorolowitz. 306 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,540 Naughty. What? 307 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,720 Four years in a row. 308 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:55,400 Next. 309 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,020 Igor Strasovsky. 310 00:17:00,460 --> 00:17:01,460 Which one? 311 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,500 The one in Budapest. 312 00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:04,820 Father, son. 313 00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:06,220 Son. Nice. 314 00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:08,079 See, it's really not that hard. 315 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,640 See, I'd scramble the letters, then alphabetize them into a code. 316 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,940 Then how do you get there? 317 00:17:16,579 --> 00:17:19,720 Where? Two billion homes in one night. 318 00:17:20,460 --> 00:17:21,700 Oh, yeah, well. 319 00:17:22,149 --> 00:17:25,010 It's really not that hard if you work the time zones. 320 00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:29,170 See, it's tomorrow in Asia when it's yesterday here. 321 00:17:29,830 --> 00:17:32,970 Of course, you have to wear a lot of watches to keep it all straight, but you 322 00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:33,970 kind of get used to that. 323 00:17:34,790 --> 00:17:40,110 And also, of course, those reindeer go like bats out of hell. 324 00:17:43,510 --> 00:17:44,510 Help! 325 00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:50,930 Dear Detective Crump, watch out for tin ice. 326 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:52,520 Was it some kind of a joke? 327 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,100 I think it's a pun. 328 00:17:54,580 --> 00:17:56,040 I think it's a pun. 329 00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:57,680 You know, ice. 330 00:17:58,320 --> 00:17:59,320 Thin ice. 331 00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:00,340 Get out of here. 332 00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:02,620 You know what I think? I think this is getting personal. 333 00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:04,600 Look, something's wrong. It was supposed to explode. 334 00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:07,280 Yes? The bomb. It was supposed to explode, but there's no bomb. 335 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:08,560 Very astute observation. 336 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,660 Look, this guy, he's following us. Whoever he is, he knows where we're 337 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:12,760 What are you doing? 338 00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:14,220 Looks like snow. 339 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,940 You got any feeling about that, one way or the other? 340 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,239 About what? 341 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,340 Because if you did... 342 00:18:18,540 --> 00:18:21,780 You could be a weatherman instead of, you know, a deputy sheriff. You still 343 00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:22,780 don't believe me, do you? 344 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,500 Look, I'm letting you go. Not that I don't sell my suspicions. It's just that 345 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:30,540 you're making me crazy with this should be, supposed to be. I mean, what are 346 00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:33,940 you, one of those magic eight balls? Look, Crumb, all I'm trying to do is 347 00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:35,400 you out here. Do me a favor. 348 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,000 Don't. 349 00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:39,620 All right, I won't. 350 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,840 Merry Christmas, you old goat. 351 00:18:54,410 --> 00:18:55,470 Goodbye stretch pants. 352 00:18:56,350 --> 00:18:57,410 Goodbye fireplace. 353 00:18:58,310 --> 00:18:59,870 Goodbye weekend in heaven. 354 00:19:00,090 --> 00:19:02,230 You're pretty broken up about this, aren't you? 355 00:19:03,330 --> 00:19:04,330 Wouldn't you be? 356 00:19:04,550 --> 00:19:09,070 My car's in hock, my life is a mess, and I'm stuck here in jail with a raving 357 00:19:09,070 --> 00:19:10,470 lunatic on Christmas Eve. 358 00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:13,190 Things just never work out for you, do they? 359 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,330 Who asked you? 360 00:19:17,170 --> 00:19:19,370 Problem is, you don't believe. 361 00:19:20,350 --> 00:19:22,170 Could you just shut up? 362 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:25,520 Too bad. 363 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,980 You started out as a good kid, as I remember. 364 00:19:29,980 --> 00:19:36,700 Of course, that's some time ago, and there was that Christmas, and you were 365 00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:37,700 nine. 366 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,940 Wrong. I was eight. Shows you how much you know. 367 00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:45,080 No, you were nine, I'm sure of it. Eight. Nine. Eight. 368 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,840 Are you absolutely positive? I was eight when I asked for the sled. 369 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,380 Fine, and you were eight. 370 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,440 And all you got is that sled. 371 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:54,320 What kind was it again? 372 00:19:56,660 --> 00:19:57,660 L .L. Bean. 373 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,620 Nah, flexible flyer. 374 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,900 The one with the fins on the back? 375 00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:07,520 Nah, you're making that up. 376 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,500 You're pretty good at this, aren't you? 377 00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:14,500 I try to be. 378 00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:18,120 But you didn't get it, did you, that sled? 379 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:20,340 It went to someone else. 380 00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:22,420 Inky Bowers. 381 00:20:23,070 --> 00:20:24,070 Inky bars. 382 00:20:24,930 --> 00:20:26,190 I never liked that kid. 383 00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:29,770 You all wondered why I went to him. 384 00:20:31,290 --> 00:20:32,470 Because you didn't believe. 385 00:20:33,530 --> 00:20:35,530 See, there's a price you have to pay for that. 386 00:20:36,090 --> 00:20:37,090 Not believing. 387 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:38,670 Big one. 388 00:20:38,830 --> 00:20:41,510 Okay, that's enough. Let's just stop right there. 389 00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:45,370 You're not Santa Claus. I'm not a dope. And I want out. Now! 390 00:20:45,750 --> 00:20:49,770 Hello, Sergeant whatever your name is. I demand to be moved. 391 00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:51,610 I have my rights, you know. 392 00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:53,220 I want a new cell. 393 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,020 Hello. 394 00:20:55,500 --> 00:21:00,940 Oh, my God. 395 00:21:02,780 --> 00:21:03,780 Is he sick? 396 00:21:05,460 --> 00:21:06,460 Hard to tell. 397 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,400 My guess is he's faking. 398 00:21:10,260 --> 00:21:12,580 But I'll call a medic. 399 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,560 Oh, wait a minute. You're not going to leave me here alone with him, are you? I 400 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:17,940 mean, what if he spasms or something? 401 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,900 I'm really not very good with death. 402 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,010 Oh. No, I'm serious. 403 00:21:22,390 --> 00:21:23,570 Hey, buddy. 404 00:21:24,590 --> 00:21:26,170 Oh, man. 405 00:21:26,510 --> 00:21:28,770 This has been some day. 406 00:21:33,610 --> 00:21:37,910 Need to get to the sleigh. 407 00:21:40,430 --> 00:21:41,430 What? 408 00:21:42,330 --> 00:21:43,330 Waiting there. 409 00:21:43,630 --> 00:21:44,670 Lincoln Park. 410 00:21:44,950 --> 00:21:46,050 Gotta get there. 411 00:21:46,630 --> 00:21:48,110 Otherwise, no good. 412 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,540 Oh, man, come on. What is this? 413 00:21:51,340 --> 00:21:52,340 Okay, 414 00:21:52,980 --> 00:21:53,719 nice try. 415 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,900 I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to make me help you get out of 416 00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:59,740 here, is that it? Go to start coughing up blood. 417 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:04,880 Oh, no, don't do that. Kids, depending on me, need your help. 418 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,100 No, no need my help. No, no. 419 00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:11,740 Okay, okay, fine, fine. 420 00:22:21,390 --> 00:22:22,390 Cell number 38. 421 00:22:22,610 --> 00:22:24,810 What's wrong with him? You're the paramedic. You tell me. 422 00:22:26,990 --> 00:22:27,990 My teeth. 423 00:22:29,630 --> 00:22:35,430 Anything else you want to tell me about? Like giant spiders or flying saucers? 424 00:22:35,650 --> 00:22:38,250 No, just a bomb and a teddy bear. That's a few minutes better. What do we got? 425 00:22:38,410 --> 00:22:41,530 We cleared the building, plus we got fighter trucks out in front. Anything 426 00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:44,850 Yeah, my Christmas tree lights at home ain't working. 427 00:22:45,170 --> 00:22:47,770 Get me some. A big fat guy, nothing that skinny wants. 428 00:22:48,110 --> 00:22:49,110 Yes, sir. 429 00:22:49,420 --> 00:22:51,400 So, this is where little Bertie told you the bomb was going to be? 430 00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:53,300 Yeah. 431 00:22:59,660 --> 00:23:00,660 Excuse me. 432 00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:02,240 Are you the detective in charge here? 433 00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:03,159 That's me. 434 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:04,800 Do you realize what you're doing? 435 00:23:05,220 --> 00:23:07,820 You've shut down this store on the busiest day of the year. 436 00:23:08,060 --> 00:23:12,200 So? So, the owner is very close to the mayor. 437 00:23:13,540 --> 00:23:14,540 This time you're sure? 438 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,960 Yeah. No chance you're mistaken? 439 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:18,200 No. 440 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:21,960 Well, be sure to get red ones. And nothing that twinkles. 441 00:23:22,580 --> 00:23:23,580 All right, come on, boys. 442 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:24,720 Tear them open. 443 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,080 I don't believe this. 444 00:23:26,860 --> 00:23:27,860 What have you done? 445 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:28,920 You just broke out of jail. 446 00:23:29,180 --> 00:23:30,260 I just broke out of jail? 447 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:31,960 Me, Chuck Fishman. 448 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:33,280 I busted Ster. 449 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:34,880 I'm a felon. 450 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:36,560 Relax. 451 00:23:36,740 --> 00:23:37,900 You just did something nice. 452 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,200 I did? 453 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:40,360 You got a buck? 454 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,740 No, I don't have a buck. They took my wallet. 455 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:46,540 Oh, my God. They know who I am. What about your pocket? You got a quarter. 456 00:23:49,610 --> 00:23:50,610 Oh, good. 457 00:23:52,510 --> 00:23:53,510 Keep up the good work. 458 00:23:53,830 --> 00:23:55,930 Oh, great. You know what? This is insane. 459 00:23:56,550 --> 00:23:57,550 I mean, look at you. 460 00:23:57,710 --> 00:23:59,770 You don't even look like the guy. Where's your beard? 461 00:24:00,250 --> 00:24:02,090 You're a fake, just like all the rest of them. 462 00:24:03,530 --> 00:24:04,790 What? What's wrong? What's wrong? 463 00:24:05,270 --> 00:24:06,790 You're not believing again. 464 00:24:07,330 --> 00:24:08,330 Oh, man. 465 00:24:09,130 --> 00:24:10,130 Come on, take it back. 466 00:24:11,510 --> 00:24:15,790 Okay. Okay, fine. Fine, I take it back, okay? I take it back. You gotta watch 467 00:24:15,790 --> 00:24:16,890 out for that kind of stuff. 468 00:24:18,190 --> 00:24:19,190 Okay. 469 00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:20,259 All right. 470 00:24:20,260 --> 00:24:21,260 Let's go. 471 00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:23,460 No bomb. 472 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:24,620 You're sure? We're sure. 473 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,160 No bomb. No bomb. 474 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,120 It's too bad. Want us to start on the elephants? 475 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:30,499 Skip it. 476 00:24:30,500 --> 00:24:31,500 Yes, sir. 477 00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:33,300 Any thoughts? 478 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,620 I don't understand. It doesn't make any sense. It was supposed to be here. 479 00:24:37,380 --> 00:24:38,520 Maybe I can help you out. 480 00:24:38,740 --> 00:24:42,440 You see, I'm a policeman, and you're a lunatic. 481 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,180 That's why we got stuff coming out of our hair. 482 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,440 Furthermore, let me tell you. There's a phone call for you. 483 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,020 One guest, the mayor. 484 00:24:48,380 --> 00:24:49,380 Correct. 485 00:24:50,190 --> 00:24:53,630 You got three minutes to come up with an explanation. After that, I'm putting 486 00:24:53,630 --> 00:24:54,630 you in a straitjacket. 487 00:25:00,350 --> 00:25:06,070 I don't get it. 488 00:25:47,210 --> 00:25:48,750 I got it. I'm dreaming. 489 00:25:49,070 --> 00:25:52,850 This is all because of some hot sauce I ate. I doubt it. Any moment now, I'm 490 00:25:52,850 --> 00:25:56,730 going to wake up and find myself laying in a gutter, drunk, which would be just 491 00:25:56,730 --> 00:25:57,730 fine with me. 492 00:25:58,730 --> 00:25:59,730 What are you doing? 493 00:25:59,930 --> 00:26:00,930 We're going to need wheels. 494 00:26:01,410 --> 00:26:02,850 You're stealing a car? 495 00:26:03,830 --> 00:26:08,630 Oh, no, no, no, no. Look, I already got a record because of you, and I'm not 496 00:26:08,630 --> 00:26:10,590 going to add grand theft larceny to the list. 497 00:26:10,790 --> 00:26:11,749 Fine, go. 498 00:26:11,750 --> 00:26:12,990 You betcha I'm going. 499 00:26:13,350 --> 00:26:17,980 But remember this, if I am who I say I am, You're walking away from the one 500 00:26:17,980 --> 00:26:20,160 chance in your life to do something good for the world. 501 00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:22,100 That means anything to you? 502 00:26:22,940 --> 00:26:23,940 Think it does? 503 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:27,320 Okay. 504 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:28,640 Get in. 505 00:26:29,420 --> 00:26:31,140 Thought you said we were going to the park. 506 00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:32,500 We missed it. 507 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,120 We need to meet at the next stop. 508 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:35,840 Where's that? 509 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:37,440 Cleveland. 510 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,160 All right, let's wrap it up. 511 00:26:44,940 --> 00:26:47,560 86 to Dead Bears. Let's get out of here. Hey, Crumb. 512 00:26:48,380 --> 00:26:50,860 Crumb, I found another note. Good for you. 513 00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:54,100 You mean good for me. Don't you want to read it? No, thanks. 514 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,000 Well, I think you should. I think I know what's going on now. 515 00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:58,320 Oh, that's nice. I'm thrilled. 516 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,080 You're thrilled? Tell it to the new guy. 517 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:01,880 Tell it to... Wait, wait. 518 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:03,040 What new guy? 519 00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:05,620 The poor slob that they're going to bring in to handle this thing. 520 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,400 Me? I'm going to go home and hang Christmas lights. 521 00:27:09,020 --> 00:27:10,600 You're going to... Wait a second. 522 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:12,560 You're off the case? 523 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:13,680 The mayor wants results. 524 00:27:14,380 --> 00:27:15,380 I don't got them. 525 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:16,640 See ya. 526 00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:19,880 Whatever happened to Cabbage Patch, Stiles? 527 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,980 I had a heck with it. I need a drink. Come on, you're buying. 528 00:27:24,940 --> 00:27:26,500 Yeah, you do and you'll clean it up. 529 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,520 You okay? 530 00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:32,200 Yeah, I'm great. 531 00:27:33,300 --> 00:27:35,000 Christmas Eve. 532 00:27:35,660 --> 00:27:36,660 I'm off the case. 533 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:37,880 Maybe out of a job. 534 00:27:38,140 --> 00:27:41,360 That's 30 years out of the forest out of the garden. How could things be bad? 535 00:27:41,460 --> 00:27:42,760 Merry Christmas. 536 00:27:44,010 --> 00:27:47,030 Maybe you should get something to eat with that. Like what? Christmas crow? 537 00:27:47,950 --> 00:27:51,190 Listen, you can't let this get to you. Giving up is not the solution. Who says 538 00:27:51,190 --> 00:27:52,190 you want to spare his flight? 539 00:27:52,790 --> 00:27:54,810 Somewhere out there, there's a guy planning on killing people. 540 00:27:55,010 --> 00:27:56,010 With what? Love notes? 541 00:27:56,270 --> 00:27:57,570 Sooner or later, he's going to succeed. 542 00:27:58,270 --> 00:27:59,270 You know what gets me? 543 00:27:59,550 --> 00:28:02,970 It's not this crummy bar or the fact that my bunions ate, or that I staked my 544 00:28:02,970 --> 00:28:05,270 pension on a word of some nut that reads tea leaves. 545 00:28:05,710 --> 00:28:08,450 What gets me is I'm never going to get a chance to see this guy's face. 546 00:28:08,710 --> 00:28:10,270 I just wish I knew how he did it. 547 00:28:10,950 --> 00:28:12,070 He was watching you. 548 00:28:12,910 --> 00:28:14,760 What? Listen to what I'm saying. 549 00:28:15,420 --> 00:28:19,100 This guy knew where we were. We thought we were following him, but we weren't. 550 00:28:19,220 --> 00:28:20,480 He was following you. 551 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:22,280 Cat and mouse. 552 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:23,600 And you were the mouse. 553 00:28:25,420 --> 00:28:28,340 All right, that shit, he kicked me off. I'm gonna track this guy down if it 554 00:28:28,340 --> 00:28:29,340 takes me the rest of my life. 555 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:31,280 Excuse me? 556 00:28:31,860 --> 00:28:32,860 Detective Crumb? 557 00:28:32,900 --> 00:28:34,600 Yes. I have a message for you. 558 00:28:37,140 --> 00:28:38,140 Nobody move! 559 00:28:43,340 --> 00:28:44,340 Nobody moved. 560 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,140 Do you even know where you're going? 561 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:19,400 The highway. 562 00:29:20,020 --> 00:29:21,480 The highway's down here? 563 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:22,760 It's a shortcut. 564 00:29:22,980 --> 00:29:25,640 Go left at Angela Monaghan's house. 565 00:29:25,900 --> 00:29:27,440 The one with the stucco chimney. 566 00:29:28,180 --> 00:29:29,180 She's naughty. 567 00:29:29,620 --> 00:29:30,620 Nice. 568 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:33,280 I'm Gary. 569 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:35,120 Gary who? 570 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,620 A friend of mine, Gary Hoffman. 571 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:39,160 Know him? 572 00:29:39,220 --> 00:29:43,180 Matt. Okay. Tell me, what's different about him? 573 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,020 Different? Yeah, that's right. 574 00:29:46,890 --> 00:29:48,010 If you're Santa Claus, you should know. 575 00:29:48,790 --> 00:29:49,790 What's this? 576 00:29:50,290 --> 00:29:52,350 He's got a mole on his armpit. 577 00:29:53,250 --> 00:29:54,250 What else? 578 00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:57,730 Batted 461 in Little League. 579 00:29:59,230 --> 00:30:00,630 He gets tomorrow's paper. 580 00:30:01,590 --> 00:30:05,630 Today. I bet you meant something unusual. 581 00:30:13,250 --> 00:30:15,790 One more screen, and I'll set this thing off. 582 00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,600 Tell him I mean it. Everybody be calm. He's not going to hurt you. 583 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,240 He came here for me. That's right, isn't it? 584 00:30:22,460 --> 00:30:23,460 You betcha. 585 00:30:23,820 --> 00:30:24,840 You want to tell me why? 586 00:30:25,340 --> 00:30:26,360 I thought we should meet. 587 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:28,400 Fine. 588 00:30:28,540 --> 00:30:30,480 Nice to meet you. Why don't we go outside and talk? 589 00:30:30,860 --> 00:30:33,160 You were following me. 590 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,220 Of course I was following you. That's my job. 591 00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:36,920 I knew. 592 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:38,700 You were helping him. 593 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:40,080 I saw you. 594 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:41,480 Some help. 595 00:30:42,980 --> 00:30:44,640 But I fooled you, didn't I? 596 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:45,960 I did. 597 00:30:46,590 --> 00:30:47,630 Yeah, I did. 598 00:30:48,350 --> 00:30:49,350 But we won the game. 599 00:30:50,470 --> 00:30:51,470 We won the game. 600 00:30:55,170 --> 00:30:56,170 That's right. 601 00:30:56,410 --> 00:30:57,410 That's right. 602 00:30:57,470 --> 00:30:58,490 You won the game. 603 00:30:59,470 --> 00:31:01,190 So why don't we end it right now? 604 00:31:06,510 --> 00:31:08,990 Oh, because we haven't played the last round yet. 605 00:31:10,750 --> 00:31:12,270 The part where we all go boom. 606 00:31:15,060 --> 00:31:17,080 In, uh, 12 minutes. 607 00:31:21,620 --> 00:31:24,620 Okay, I think I've got this thing figured out. What's that? 608 00:31:24,900 --> 00:31:25,940 What we're gonna tell the cops. 609 00:31:27,300 --> 00:31:29,620 Sorry. We plead insanity, okay? 610 00:31:30,780 --> 00:31:31,780 Well, you or me? 611 00:31:32,100 --> 00:31:33,840 We tell them you ate too many french fries. 612 00:31:34,300 --> 00:31:35,460 You lost your mind. 613 00:31:35,700 --> 00:31:37,560 You abducted me at gunpoint, right? 614 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:39,380 I don't approve a gun. 615 00:31:40,020 --> 00:31:41,460 Except for the toy ones. 616 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:42,439 All right, fine. 617 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:43,440 A toy gun. 618 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:45,920 We call him up, and we turn ourselves in. 619 00:31:46,700 --> 00:31:48,480 And then we sell the whole story to Oprah. 620 00:31:49,300 --> 00:31:51,000 Holy cow, we might even end up ahead. 621 00:31:51,380 --> 00:31:52,860 I wouldn't count on it. 622 00:31:58,780 --> 00:31:59,960 This is the police. 623 00:32:00,180 --> 00:32:03,140 Shut off your engine and put your hands on the dashboard now. 624 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:04,379 Act natural. 625 00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:05,660 I am acting natural. 626 00:32:05,940 --> 00:32:07,660 I mean, don't act like Santa Claus. 627 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:09,240 That's going to be hard. 628 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:19,760 Remember, French fries, Oprah, book deals, okay? 629 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:21,440 Right? 630 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:24,980 What are you doing? 631 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,480 I know them both. 632 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,260 Either of them is nice. 633 00:32:29,500 --> 00:32:33,180 Oh, no, I think it's going quite well. All according to plan. 634 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,640 I hope he didn't forget anything. 635 00:32:38,140 --> 00:32:40,220 You watch them. 636 00:32:40,420 --> 00:32:41,440 I'll write the note. 637 00:32:42,020 --> 00:32:43,020 Let's see. 638 00:32:43,180 --> 00:32:45,320 This guy is not even a Snickers bar. 639 00:32:45,610 --> 00:32:46,730 We gotta get him away from that bomb. 640 00:32:47,630 --> 00:32:49,750 How do you suggest we do it, Ed? Ask him pretty please? 641 00:32:50,130 --> 00:32:51,130 Uh, 642 00:32:51,950 --> 00:32:58,270 rats, moles, bats, and weasels. 643 00:32:58,590 --> 00:32:59,590 Yeah. 644 00:32:59,790 --> 00:33:01,070 The hour has come. 645 00:33:01,510 --> 00:33:02,830 All right, that's it. You gotta rush him. 646 00:33:03,610 --> 00:33:05,490 On the three, you ready? 647 00:33:06,150 --> 00:33:07,150 One, two. 648 00:33:07,990 --> 00:33:09,390 I told you not to move! 649 00:33:09,850 --> 00:33:10,850 I told you! 650 00:33:11,190 --> 00:33:12,190 Okay. 651 00:33:12,610 --> 00:33:13,610 I'll blow it now! 652 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:29,040 Because you stole it. I would go give it back. Yeah, right, and reindeer have 653 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:30,420 wings. Only when they're published. 654 00:33:36,820 --> 00:33:39,060 Hey, you with the animal. 655 00:33:41,740 --> 00:33:43,260 I think it's time we had a talk. 656 00:33:45,980 --> 00:33:47,160 There's nothing to talk about. 657 00:33:47,820 --> 00:33:49,340 Yeah, well, I got something to talk about. 658 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:54,760 I'm old. 659 00:33:55,130 --> 00:33:56,130 I'm tired. 660 00:33:56,390 --> 00:33:57,570 My feet are flat. 661 00:33:58,610 --> 00:34:01,510 You want to blow me to pieces? Hey, go ahead. 662 00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:03,790 I probably deserve it anyway. 663 00:34:04,590 --> 00:34:07,210 But before you do, think about this. 664 00:34:08,050 --> 00:34:09,230 It's Christmas Eve. 665 00:34:10,889 --> 00:34:15,290 All over the world, people are getting ready for what I do not know. 666 00:34:16,150 --> 00:34:17,150 Neither do they. 667 00:34:17,370 --> 00:34:18,370 But it's important. 668 00:34:18,909 --> 00:34:20,230 Something worth waiting for. 669 00:34:21,130 --> 00:34:22,630 That's the same with these people here. 670 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,719 They all got someplace to go. Somebody who needs them. 671 00:34:26,219 --> 00:34:27,219 Me? 672 00:34:27,620 --> 00:34:28,620 I don't. 673 00:34:28,820 --> 00:34:30,159 So why don't you let them go? 674 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:32,320 You don't want them. 675 00:34:32,580 --> 00:34:33,580 You want me. 676 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:36,139 So come on. What do you say? 677 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,080 Make Santa happy. 678 00:34:53,230 --> 00:34:54,350 Chuck, get the hell out of here now. 679 00:34:54,570 --> 00:34:55,570 I can't. 680 00:34:56,790 --> 00:34:58,830 Blow it now. 681 00:34:59,470 --> 00:35:01,110 Drop your guns. The guy's got a bomb. 682 00:35:01,410 --> 00:35:02,410 You heard him now. 683 00:35:04,190 --> 00:35:05,190 He's got a bomb? 684 00:35:05,830 --> 00:35:06,830 Christmas Eve? 685 00:35:07,130 --> 00:35:10,870 That's naughty if I ever heard it. Look, please, do me a favor, hon. Just this 686 00:35:10,870 --> 00:35:11,870 once, please. 687 00:35:11,990 --> 00:35:13,090 Look, mister. Stand back. 688 00:35:13,330 --> 00:35:17,850 Look, I know you don't want to do this. I know you really don't want to do this. 689 00:35:18,010 --> 00:35:20,050 One more step, and I'll set it off. 690 00:35:22,410 --> 00:35:23,410 Ralphie? 691 00:35:33,260 --> 00:35:34,178 It's not my name. 692 00:35:34,180 --> 00:35:39,400 You're Little Ralphie. No, I am not. I'm Howard Phillips. 693 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:43,840 Oh, that's right, Howard Phillips. I always got you two confused. 694 00:35:44,620 --> 00:35:46,100 So, what are you doing here? 695 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,480 Well, what does it look like I'm doing? 696 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:50,160 Howie Phillips. 697 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:53,960 Who is this? I don't know. 698 00:35:56,100 --> 00:35:59,440 You know, you used to be one of my favorite kids. 699 00:36:00,220 --> 00:36:01,220 Nice. 700 00:36:03,210 --> 00:36:04,790 Very consistent. Remember? 701 00:36:05,010 --> 00:36:08,670 I got you your first chemistry set. 702 00:36:11,050 --> 00:36:15,370 Oh, you remember? It had all those little test tubes. 703 00:36:15,610 --> 00:36:18,090 Plus, I got you a teddy bear, too. 704 00:36:19,430 --> 00:36:22,110 Then, oh, something happened. 705 00:36:22,450 --> 00:36:23,550 Oh, what was it? 706 00:36:24,190 --> 00:36:25,690 You're not really Santa. 707 00:36:26,590 --> 00:36:29,910 Oh, that's what happened. You stopped believing. 708 00:36:31,050 --> 00:36:32,650 I remember the day. 709 00:36:32,930 --> 00:36:38,490 I was standing in a workshop, helping the elves make my cheesy sets, when all 710 00:36:38,490 --> 00:36:39,490 a sudden I got this hurt. 711 00:36:39,670 --> 00:36:45,130 You know, ache right in my heart, like some little piece of joy had suddenly 712 00:36:45,130 --> 00:36:46,130 withered away. 713 00:36:47,650 --> 00:36:52,870 Mrs. Claus said, it's indigestion, honey. But I knew better. 714 00:36:53,610 --> 00:36:57,390 Someone has stopped believing, I said. 715 00:36:58,010 --> 00:36:59,210 Where's my mother? 716 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:03,720 hurt me, you know? 717 00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:07,120 I mean, you stopped writing me. 718 00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,720 You stopped even thinking of me. 719 00:37:11,580 --> 00:37:12,580 Didn't you? 720 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,100 Oh, can I see it? 721 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:26,900 Well, I'll give it back. 722 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:29,240 I promise. 723 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,120 That didn't sound too good. 724 00:38:16,270 --> 00:38:17,270 Oh my God. 725 00:38:51,370 --> 00:38:52,109 Yes, sir. 726 00:38:52,110 --> 00:38:53,470 Yes, sir, that's right. We got the guy. 727 00:38:55,510 --> 00:38:57,750 The city can awake from its nightmare of terror. 728 00:38:57,970 --> 00:38:59,050 That's very good, Your Honor. 729 00:38:59,750 --> 00:39:00,770 Merry Christmas to you, too. 730 00:39:03,690 --> 00:39:04,649 Well, congratulations. 731 00:39:04,650 --> 00:39:05,609 You're a hero. 732 00:39:05,610 --> 00:39:06,610 I owe you one. 733 00:39:06,950 --> 00:39:07,950 You, too. 734 00:39:07,990 --> 00:39:09,330 Plus that bozo who went bang. 735 00:39:10,130 --> 00:39:11,950 Well, take your stuff and get out of here. 736 00:39:12,290 --> 00:39:15,730 Sir, he broke out of jail. You want to explain that to a board of inquiry? 737 00:39:17,350 --> 00:39:18,350 Yeah. 738 00:39:19,470 --> 00:39:21,870 Funny thing is, Still can't believe he's dead. 739 00:39:22,230 --> 00:39:26,750 I mean, I know he came down in pieces, but a guy like that, he really believed 740 00:39:26,750 --> 00:39:30,070 he was what he thought he was, you know, and you sort of have to admire that. 741 00:39:30,610 --> 00:39:31,610 You bet, yeah. 742 00:39:31,830 --> 00:39:32,729 Cynical me. 743 00:39:32,730 --> 00:39:34,210 I thought he was just a cheap con. 744 00:39:36,670 --> 00:39:37,670 My keys. 745 00:39:39,010 --> 00:39:40,190 He stole my keys. 746 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:55,120 Your car was here an hour ago. 747 00:39:56,020 --> 00:39:57,140 Somebody must have took it. 748 00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:00,080 Yep. 749 00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:07,060 I think this is for you. 750 00:40:30,410 --> 00:40:31,410 It's magic. 751 00:40:32,170 --> 00:40:34,130 At least it is if you believe. 752 00:40:35,750 --> 00:40:39,350 Which, I guess, can happen to the best of us. 753 00:40:45,030 --> 00:40:46,150 Merry Christmas! 754 00:40:46,430 --> 00:40:47,430 Yes, same to you. 755 00:40:48,970 --> 00:40:52,430 It all depends on being wise enough to know your heart. 756 00:40:55,130 --> 00:40:57,930 And young enough. 757 00:40:58,730 --> 00:41:00,470 Feel that old surprise. 758 00:41:02,830 --> 00:41:08,230 I'm dreaming of a white 759 00:41:08,230 --> 00:41:14,730 Christmas With every 760 00:41:14,730 --> 00:41:18,730 Christmas card I write 761 00:41:18,730 --> 00:41:23,730 May your days 762 00:41:23,730 --> 00:41:25,970 be... 53985

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