Original subtitles

You know, Army, it was the single most fulfilling thing I've ever done.

You know, it's amazing.

Somebody as busy as you, a star, could find time to do something like this.

Well, when it comes to helping, you know, I always try to make time.

Say, did anybody get any photos? I'd love to have this in tomorrow's column.

It's a great idea.

Listen, talk to my publicity people. They've got glossies they'll never use.

Great. Okay? Thanks, Darren. Thanks, Army. Thank you. Good luck to you. Bye.

right, bye -bye.

Wish he'd leave me alone.

What a jerk.

Places, everyone.

What would you like me to do with this?

Give it to Joyce.

Hey, welcome back there. See you again. How was your vacation? How are you?

Here he is.

Hi, how are you? Good to see you. Good to see you. You look terrific.

Thank you. I feel great. You know, we've got to negotiate more vacation time

next time around, don't you think? Right.

How are Jack and the kids?

They're good. They're good. Maddie got a cold, of course, the first day out.

Really? She's still struggling with that, but everybody's fine. Sounds like

little Maddie needs some of my special cookies. She loves those. That would be

so sweet. You know, I think she gets sick just so you'll bake some for her.

Really? How was your vacation?

Yeah, good. Well, you know me. I like to putter around the house. You do? I'm

the best at puttering. Nobody putters like you.

Take a hike, everybody.

Thank you. Ten seconds there. Have a good show. You got it, Tom. Have you

already sweeped there? Come on. Those Milton families are watching. Let's get

it.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Here they are, Darren and Mary live.

Thanks so much. It feels great to be back, everybody. Did you miss us?

Thank you. Well, we were gone, but for them, we were still here.

Oh, my gosh. You know, suddenly, I need another vacation.

They were watching our reruns, right?

And I was watching us on reruns, unfortunately.

What was I doing with my hair? What was I thinking?

It's a question I ask myself every day.

But while you were home admiring your old hairdos, I was out building homes

low -income families.

The man is a saint.

You're a saint. Yes, I know.

Ladies, you're going to love this. I actually survived the fabulous Tone -Up

out in Tucson.

Excuse me, I'm not finished.

And it happened to be one of the most deeply rewarding...

satisfying experiences of my life. And your Nobel Prize is in the mail, okay?

Can I get on with it? Let me tell you about the training. It was seven hours

hell. I had to climb. I had to run. I had to leap tall buildings in a single

bound. I'm telling you, Darren, the Navy SEALs do not train this hard. It's

unbelievable. You see, that is the difference between us.

What? She indulges herself.

I choose to give back.

And so do I.

Two inches off the weight.

is getting an ovation.

And you expect us to believe that you actually built this house? Please.

Don't you mean you visited this house? You took a picture, a photo opportunity?

And you expect us to believe that you actually sweated off those pounds? Yes.

Don't you mean you had them surgically removed? Excuse me? Come on, her face is

so tight, you could play a drum solo on it.

Darren, come on. Darren, it's a joke.

Darren. Darren.

Well, the good news is you only have a mild concussion. Well, thank God. The

news is your blood pressure is 160 over 100, my friend.

Did I do that? Darren, I'm sorry.

It's not your fault I've dodged better punches than that.

I should have zigged what I zagged. Have you two ever thought about taking a

break? We just got back from a two -week vacation.

The atmosphere on the show is not conducive to low blood pressure.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, there seems to be a little tension between you two on the show.

He's my closest and dearest friend.

I don't think our relationship's ever been stronger. Do you, Derek? Mm -hmm.

just belted him on national television.

I know, but that wasn't personal.

That was business.

I'm lost.

It's February sweeps. It's the most important rating period in our

business. Right. Ad rates for the whole year are set by the numbers we get right

now. You two planned that fight?

Of course we did.

The center of all great drama is conflict. Haven't you read Aristotle's

But you do a talk show.

Yeah, but these days it's got to be shocking, provocative, unpredictable.

These days nobody cares what Jay Leno says.

They want to see hermaphrodite cheerleaders.

Hermaphrodite. And the men who date them.

Especially. But I thought the show was a hit.

It is. For now, yes, but there are eight new talk shows on television this

season. They've given every out -of -work has -been sitcom star in L .A. a

a desk, and a studio audience.

And these days, if you're going to survive in this business, you've got to

out somehow.

And you think meeting each other up's the way to do that?

Either that or see some hermaphrodite cheerleaders.

Hermaphrodites. See, you're feeling better already. Listen, I'm going back

the studio. I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you. Bye.

I hope you're not thinking of going back to work tomorrow.

It's either that or do it from the hospital room.

Hey, that's got possibilities.

I could show off my cuts, my bruises. Darren, you don't have any cuts and

bruises. What you have is seriously high blood pressure.

Oh, okay. We'll do that another time.

Yeah, when you're in intensive care recovering from a heart attack and a

And that sounds pretty good, too. It's got drama. It's got pathos.

Put it in for the May sweeps.

I'll see.

Gives me high blood pressure.

I parked that back. Good.

What kind of reaction do we get? Enough that would make me wish I was still

skiing in Aspen. We got calls from all the trades, Entertainment Tonight sent a

crew to the set, and there's probably 12 tabloid journals staking out my car.

Well, then we better make sure they get some good shots.

And we'll be needing this, too, thank you very much.

And how about some bandages?

Big ones.

For what?

For the ugly cuts and bruises on my face.

Yeah, I don't see any.

That's why we need the bandages. What they don't see, they'll imagine.

Yeah, just asking you for a small favor. Who's it gonna hurt? Do you know who

this is?

Hey!

You're the guy!

My mom watches you every day. That's it. And how would your mom feel if you were

in the audience tomorrow and get you a seat in the front row?

That'd be awesome. I'm gonna fix you right up.

Good. Just pretend I've got a big ugly cut on my cheek.

Yeah, you leave it to me, Mr. Povich.

Oh, yeah.

That's so good right there.

There are reporters all over the studio.

I think I even saw Barbara Walters.

You know, if I thought we'd get this kind of attention, I would have decked

Darren years ago. Oh, come on.

You don't need to punch anybody to get noticed.

Every time you walk down the street, a hundred guys get whiplash trying to

a look.

I love the kissing up. You're perfect for this business.

But next time, don't be so wordy.

God, you're gorgeous is enough.

Ow! Ow!

It's all right.

Go get me a cappuccino, okay? At that place down the street. And make sure

hot. Go.

You're on the air in ten minutes.

Then shouldn't you be running?

All right, if we want to get your shots, folks, your cameras stay behind ours.

Our show comes first, not yours.

Hey, who let those bottom feeders in here anyway? I did. As long as they're

the lot, why don't you ask another Nazi to whack you over the head with a chair?

Hey, hey, my show's past that now.

Yeah, well, then have them smash you over the head with a couch.

Give me a grip near craft service and paint some of this stuff out.

399, who ate the last jelly donut?

Was that Julia Roberts I saw in the hall? Mm -hmm.

She's doing my show today.

Really? Uh -huh. It's a daytime exclusive. Well, you know we've been

friends ever since I did a movie.

And you were wonderful in that, Lucy.

Thank you. Stunning, really.

Oh. A lesser actress would have gone completely unnoticed. It was such a

role.

Well, we always vacation together in Aspen, and I ran into her on the slopes,

and I said, Jules, you simply must do my show. And she said, Yeah?

Lucy. I have waited so long for you to ask me that. She didn't. She did.

She's adorable. I know.

Well, she'll be herself with you. Really, there'll be tears. There'll be

laughter. There will be genuine, raw emotion.

I just feel so blessed to have such friendships.

Yeah, it would have been a memorable event.

If only I hadn't decked Darren yesterday.

Now everybody's going to be tuning in to our show to see if I'm going to hit him

again.

Oh, well.

They're going to miss a memorable chat.

They can always catch it and rerun.

I'll see you later.

Hey.

Did you tell that Julia Roberts to stop hounding me to sleep with her?

She's worse than Ellen DeGeneres. Hello, Ellen is gay.

Only until I finally give in.

God, Larry, you are totally tasteless. Yeah.

How do you think I got a tenth of a rating point ahead of you?

Today's topic, women who sleep with their boyfriend's boyfriend.

Well, darling, you'll be the talk of trailer parks everywhere.

Yep.

Gotta go.

You got a show to take.

Okay, everybody.

Got 20 seconds.

Where's Darren?

I don't know, but in 15 seconds, we're going on with or without him.

So saddle up. All right.

Where's Maury?

Ladies and gentlemen. Is he still married to Connie Selleck? Darren is

live.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. I don't know if you saw the show or

heard about it, but yesterday I slugged Darren Tate.

It was

Not my proudest moment, as you can imagine.

Yes, he provoked me.

Yes, he was rude to me.

And yes, he offended me. But you know what?

What he did was wrong.

Because violence is never the answer, and I'm really, really sorry.

Thank you.

We have to talk these things over, right?

If Darren and I have done anything well over the years, boy, can we talk.

Can we talk?

No, I'm very proud of that. Through all the arguments and through all the years,

the one thing we have never, ever, ever done, and that is hold a grudge against

each other, right?

I think that's important.

So let's break. Darren is right now. Darren, come on over here. You deserve

of this, too. Give me a hug.

Hug this.

Come on, the moment's over.

Get up, Mary.

Stand back, let me throw him a doctor.

You could put the gun away, she's dead.

Come on, Mary, please.

Get up.

Mary.

Mary.

We're on a state of crime. Stay out of sight.

I don't think he's any danger to anybody but himself. He looks like a shock.

Who are you?

I'm Darren's doctor.

It takes me six months to get an office visit with my doctor, and you show up at

his workplace on a whim?

No, because your feed was picked up by every television station in Los Angeles.

Every station?

How about the networks? The networks have it yet?

I won't have that man's grief turn into a ratings event.

Tom, I've been toying with an idea kind of like this.

We get a couple of rival gang members on the show, and then accidentally we

unplug the metal detector.

What do you think?

Get him out of here. What are you talking about? What? Who?

What's the problem? Hey, okay, guys, watch the suit, all right?

Stand back, Mark. This thing's got real bullets in it.

I kind of assumed that.

I didn't.

You thought you were shooting blanks? It was supposed to be blanks.

Mary loaded the gun herself this morning and left it for me in her dressing

room. Mary did?

Sure. Look, this is her gun.

But this whole thing was a raiding stunt?

You were going to pretend to kill her?

Only she was going to pretend to die and...

Now she's pretending to will.

Darren, who else knew about this stunt?

I don't know.

Tom pitched it to us. He thought it was a great idea.

That should have told us something right there.

Wax I thought was a great idea.

Real bullets never came up in the meeting.

Darren, let me help you.

Mark, look, she was my partner. I loved her.

Now I've killed her.

A tragic accident.

Darren, you know how she felt about you.

You think she could rest knowing that you were suffering because of an

Give me the gun.

Take it easy with them, guys.

Chuck. He needs immediate medical attention.

Take him to community, General.

Thanks. We're still live. Go to commercial.

Real bullets, all right.

Question is, who put them there?

You think he was telling the truth?

Someone switched the blanks? Well, look at the altar. It was deliberate cold

-blooded murder.

In front of 10 million people.

That has got to be one of the dumbest murders ever committed.

Hey, if stupidity was a defense, half the guys I put away would be walking the

streets today.

Well, you know, his grief seemed genuine to me.

Well, since he's mourning the fact that he doesn't get to do this again

tomorrow, I guess his story is worth checking out.

I'm going to head back to Community General and look after him. Oh, thanks,

Jess. I appreciate it.

What do you mean, back from commercial? I got nobody to come back to. Excuse me.

You know who might have had access to Mary's dressing room?

You're kidding, right?

No, I think it might help Darren.

In five seconds, I'm going to be broadcast in an empty stage live across

country. I don't think you have to worry about that.

And we're back.

Our long national nightmare is over at last.

Darren Tate is getting the help he needs.

And now is the time for healing.

For you, for me, and for Julia Roberts, who is going to be my guest on a

very special show.

Go to commercial!

What was it you wanted?

So this is the only way in and out of the dressing room?

That's right.

Only people with this card would have access to Mary's dressing room.

How many card keys are there?

Obviously, on -air talent has them. I've got one. Security guards, cleaning

crew, Mary's assistant, Freddie, of course. There's a couple dozen, give or

take. But the system keeps a record of which key is used at what time.

I'm going to need to see the records for this morning.

All right, I'll go get them. Mary's dressing room's first door on the left.

You know, I haven't been in that many gun stores in my life, but I never heard

of one that sold bullets by the handful, blanks or otherwise.

Yeah, if she loaded it in here, there should be a partially filled box of

shells. I don't see one.

Maybe she brought it in loaded.

Well, would you want to take the chance of being caught with a loaded gun in

your car?

No, I wouldn't, but I wouldn't arrange to have myself shot on national TV

either.

Also, search her house.

Well, this is interesting.

What'd you find?

Absolutely nothing.

Oh, yeah, that's mighty interesting.

Well, everything's been erased off this hard drive, including the operating

system.

Well, take it back to the lab. Maybe the computer geese can retrieve something.

I don't know if this is going to help you much. The show started at 11 o

Darren Tate entered the dressing area at 11 .02, left at 11 .06.

Just enough time to go in there and get the gun and go on stage.

Last person in the dressing area before us was Freddy Myers at 11 .45.

Who's he?

Mary's personal assistant.

No, she was already dead by then. Too late to be interested in a cup of

The only other person in here this morning was Mary Montgomery.

She was in twice, once at 8 .23 and again at 10 .56.

Wait a minute. Are you sure about that second time?

That's what it says here. Why?

Because Mary couldn't have been here at 10 .56. It was right before her show.

She was on the set doing a live promo.

I haven't seen a reading that high since my mom cooked that corned beef in the

pressure cooker.

And I deserve it.

I shot Mary.

Well, you didn't mean to.

No, I didn't mean to, but I picked up the gun, I aimed it at her, I pulled the

trigger.

I'm totally innocent.

Now, do you have any idea who might have switched those blanks with real

bullets?

Everybody loved Mary.

You know, except maybe Larry Duggan.

Yeah, I heard him screaming at her last night.

I think he even threatened her. Wow, are you sure?

Yeah, I'm positive. You know why? Because it happened right after her big

with Lucy Caruso.

Yeah, I don't suppose she threatened Mary also.

Now that you mention it, so did Tom Grant.

Did she get along this well with everybody?

No, she was an angel.

Angel?

I got the report on the gun that killed Mary Montgomery.

38 caliber, made by Miami Munitions in Florida. Sold to...

No fingerprints on the bullets.

Why would he wipe his fingerprints off the bullets?

Erase any connection between him and the gun, I guess.

Well, it'd make a lot more sense if he had killed in front of 10 million

Or if someone else switched the bullets.

Undoubtedly the same person that stole Mary's card key.

Wasn't in her purse or on her body.

I just know that something in that laptop is going to be a lot of help. You

talked to the computer guy? Yeah, they're working on it. They're going to

me here.

We also have an APB out on Freddy Myers.

He was Mary's personal assistant.

He was in the room after she died.

Maybe he erased her hard drive right after he erased her.

Oh, good. Let me know as soon as you find out.

You know, I so rarely express my appreciation to you for all the things

for me. I'm going to make you a nice steak lunch.

I appreciate that. Thanks.

Right on the inside, black on the outside, ma 'am.

I know you killed Mary.

And I know why.

And I know what the National Enquirer would pay for that information.

What I don't know is how much you'll pay me not to tell them.

Yeah.

It is burned anyway.

We restored Mary's files.

She was getting dirt on a lot of people. Mostly other talk show hosts.

You know, sordid stuff.

Illicit sex, extortion, and fraud.

Sounds like a regular afternoon to daytime TV.

She was so nice on this show.

It's on at the gym. I'm a captive audience.

Oh.

Okay, it's all ready.

I hope you guys brought an appetite.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, nice of you to bring all this good food.

We've been eating here for years. It's about time we brought something.

I ordered a pizza once.

Maybe in a couple of years, one of us might actually do the cooking.

You know, guys, I've been thinking about that case.

I think I have the answer to Mary Montgomery's murder.

You do?

All right. Say that the table is the studio here.

We got... Okay. White cup is Mary Montgomery.

Pink cup will be Lucy Caruso.

This, uh...

Blue cup will be Tom Grant, and this green will be Larry Duggan.

Okay, the napkin is the makeup table. Fork here is the

dressing room, and spoon would be the sets where they all work, okay? Now,

and Lucy are at the makeup table.

Tom and Larry over here talking.

Now, Lucy and Mary do their shows at the same time. One's on tape, and one is on

live. So Mary leaves the makeup table and goes to talk to Tom on the talk show

set. Duggan goes back and joins Lucy at the napkin.

The makeup table. Right.

Now, none of them had the time to have stolen Mary's card, gone in and switched

the bullets in the fork and made it back to the spoon.

The dressing rooms and the sets.

That's right. So then Darren is guilty, right?

Well, I'm saying that our lunch right here proves his innocence because...

I made the steaks, you made the potato salad, and you made the coleslaw.

Now, is it going to ruin your theory if we tell you that we got this at the

deli? No, I'm just saying we all contributed something.

And not one of them could have framed Darren all by themselves.

So if we just assume Darren's innocence, there's only one logical explanation.

Yeah! Let's have a big round of applause for our special guest tonight.

Can we just get this over with?

You mean no gloating? No one -liners? No explanations of how I brilliantly

figured out your plan?

Something like that.

See, you've got no sense of what makes good television.

No wonder Larry Duggan's kicking your butt in the ratings.

Oh, gee.

Thanks, Freddy.

Yeah, that really means something, coming from a guy like you.

Oh, Freddy, what's wrong?

I thought you brilliantly figured out my plan.

I did.

I knew you two were in it together all along. But you're wrong there, Freddy.

Because, you see, actually, it was...

Ms. Crusoe?

That's a good look on you. I'm sorry.

There's something about wigs. They're like hats. Do you see them? You gotta

them on.

Don't try to ingratiate yourself with me.

I'm grieving.

Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea.

Uh -huh.

You just snuck past security.

Show up at my makeup table just to try on my wigs?

If you want an interview, you're gonna have to wait until I'm done mourning my

dear friend.

And then you'll have to wait your turn. I'm not a reporter. I'm a doctor.

Oh, you sweet thing. You shouldn't have.

I didn't. You know, Deborah is so devoted to me that if I show the

discomfort, she overreacts and calls the paramedics. Well, what is wrong?

My foot.

It feels like I impaled it on a railroad spike.

Well, want me to have a look at it? Yes, please. Oh, thank you.

Fluff, go on in five minutes. I don't want Jane Seymour to think I have flat

hair.

No, this is nothing serious. It looks like we've got a little splinter in

Do you have a pair of tweezers?

Oh, yeah. This isn't going to hurt, is it? No, no, no. Okay.

Just take a second.

Gentle. Oh, still.

Well.

Well, it felt huge.

Looks like a cactus needle.

Those can be painful, too.

I guess now that you've removed the thorn from my paw, I'm your friend for

You don't look like a lioness to me.

You didn't see me reduce Jean -Claude Van Damme to tears.

Why would you do that? People don't watch television today just for

conversation. They want raw emotion. They want revelations.

Hmm.

Maybe like finding out that a celebrity's a slumlord.

Not Jean -Claude. No.

You.

Mary found out about it and entered the whole thing in her computer.

Clough.

You said you were a doctor.

Well, I'm also a consultant with the police department.

You left that little part out.

There is no way that I can keep track of all my investments, but I'm absolutely

certain you are wrong.

Everybody knows how concerned I am about the underprivileged.

Well, why do you think Mary would make up something like that?

Unlike me, Mary was very competitive.

I'm just not that way.

I always felt there was room on TV for my genuine conversation and Mary's

entertaining banality.

Well, look, I'm very sorry to have intruded upon your grief.

It's okay.

Come to watch Larry's show, detective?

Not unless you've installed metal detectors.

We don't need them.

His guests today are men who've been neutered by their wives literally.

Bobbitt mania hits suburbia.

Real cutting -edge TV, huh?

How much did their agent pay you to book them?

Kickbacks went out with a $64 ,000 question, but I guess the LAPD training

manuals haven't been updated since then, have they? I understand the going

rate's a thousand bucks a guest, and I expect it takes a lot of guests to keep

that urban assault vehicle of yours running.

There's nothing wrong with taking gifts from close personal friends.

You know, Mary Montgomery kept an extensive list of names, dates, and

from your close personal friends.

Well, the truth is it's just standard industry practice.

We're all just slick infomercials anyway.

So it wouldn't bother you if I went public with this information?

Not a bit.

Then why do you look like you're ready to throw up, Tom?

Sorry, I'm late for our appointment. Hey, come on in.

Listen, when you see this, does it say home to you?

It says dead to me. Oh, come on, come on.

Think like a woman, not like a medical examiner.

Hey, take a seat.

See, if I decorated my ski lodge like this, wouldn't it make you feel all warm

and cuddly?

Actually, it would make me feel like I was in a veterinary morgue.

You and I are a lot alike. I can see that already.

Mr. Duggan, I would never put a decapitated animal head on my wall.

But you're clearly consumed by your work, just like me.

You see dead bodies everywhere. I see liars, losers, cheats.

The lodge is my escape.

Hey, you ever think about escaping?

Yeah, right now, as a matter of fact.

Your skiing is so relaxing when it's done in pairs.

You'd love my lodge.

As much as Alison Flaner did?

How do you know about that?

The question is, how did Mary Montgomery find out about it?

Mary knew?

Mary knew that Allison was only 14.

Gosh, going on 20.

Look, she and her parents made out just fine.

Hey, I gave them enough money to start their own ski resort.

So with Mary dead, nobody else is going to find out about it, are they?

You can't say anything, Doctor.

Amit, it's over.

Nobody cares.

You do.

Maybe enough to kill to keep it quiet.

I'd like skiing, but if it involves moose heads, count me out.

What is Larry Duggan, a taxidermist? His office is filled with dead animals.

He thinks that if he decorates his lodge with moose heads, women will ski right

into his bed. Pass me the tomatoes?

That's a show I'd watch.

What about Alison Fleeter?

Well, Duggan said he paid off the girl's parents.

He certainly doesn't want anybody else to find out about it.

Tom Grant didn't want anybody to know about the kickbacks either. Did Duggan

where his lodge was, Amanda?

No, why?

Well, I saw a postcard at the television station that Lucy Cruz was sent to her

hair lady, and it was from Aspen.

Grant has a ski rack in his car.

Won't be hard to find out if they were together in Aspen recently.

You know, I bet you're going to find out that they spent their vacation there

and plotted a murder.

Loan.

All right, thanks.

CHP just found Freddy and his car at the bottom of Highcliffe Drive.

Oh, boy.

Don't even think about it.

I don't think I have to tell you.

This wasn't an accident.

Skid marks ended several yards short of the edge.

Then it appears Freddy just let the car roll off the cliff.

I don't think Freddy was in any condition to let the car do anything. He

from a blow to the back of the head.

That's right. The fact that his well -padded headrest was properly

So the question would be, how did Freddy really die?

Well, you bring up a thorny issue.

You know, these are coastal prickly pear cactus. They hardly ever see them grow

in any farther inland than this. And that's important because...

Because this morning I removed a cactus thorn from Lucy Caruso's foot and a

yellowish one just like these.

Mr. Myers was at least six feet tall, 180, 190 pounds.

Lucy wouldn't even come up to his chin.

Ruling out drugs and poison, which Lucy would be too smart to use, I don't see

how she possibly could have killed Freddy by herself.

Much less manhandled him into the Explorer.

She couldn't have done it alone. She had to have help.

Specifically, Larry Duggan and Tom Grant.

But why?

What did the three of them have against Freddy?

Maybe we wanted to replace Mary.

As a talk show host?

It's a blackmailer.

There's one problem with your theory, Dad.

I just don't see Freddy being dumb enough to walk into a room with his

victims. Oh, I don't think he was.

Lucy most likely lured him into a meeting.

Or either Tom or Larry could have taken him out. Probably all three of them came

through here and staged the accident.

Nothing like teamwork.

That's how they killed Mary. The whole key to Mary's murder was getting access

to that purse in the makeup room.

Well, if I remember my forks and spoons correctly, none of them had enough time

to steal Mary's card key, switch the bullets, and then get back to where they

were supposed to be on time. That's right.

Lucy got the card key from Mary's purse at the makeup table. Then she slipped it

to Larry, who went in and switched the bullets.

Well, where's Tom Grant been in? Well, he engineered the whole thing. He talked

Mary and Darren into doing it.

We have no real evidence, guys.

He's absolutely right. As long as they stick together, we can't prove a thing.

Or can we?

Steve, could you keep Freddy's death quiet for about a day?

Sure. Why?

They released you?

Insufficient evidence.

Can you believe it? No.

I mean, the whole world saw you shoot her on television. That seems like a lot

of evidence.

Yeah, but my fingerprints weren't on the bullets, so the cops released me.

I mean, why would I wipe those bullets and then kill her on national TV? Yes,

why? But it certainly is great to have you back. Oh, yes, Mary, because we were

all so worried that you might not be back.

It's going to be awfully tough going on the air without my Mary.

But I'll find the strength somehow.

Thanks. Yeah.

Oh, goody. Yeah, now the cops are going to be looking at us.

Especially when they find Freddy's body. Looking at us? Why? They don't have any

evidence, remember?

Hey, he's right. We're covered. All we have to do is stick together. Oh, God,

can you imagine the ratings Darren's going to get now?

And here he is, Larry Duggan!

Hi, and welcome back to the Larry Duggan Show, where today we are discussing

high -rise workers who made it to the top on their backs.

I have a question for Bernice.

In the 17 months that you worked on that building, did you ever once actually

lay hands on a tool?

Honey, that is a stupid question.

And you were just seven years old when you saw him get run over by a truck.

Oh, it was the pits.

Oh, I can't even imagine the pain of seeing this adorable, cute little dog

crushed under those huge wheels.

I thought I was here to plug my book, you dingbat.

I mean, what a heartache that must have been.

Finding your loyal, trusting, innocent little friend splattered all over an

unforgiving asphalt.

If only you hadn't thrown the ball right then.

Yeah, how about the heartbreak of people living without running water or heat?

In buildings that are infested with rodents.

Of course, that's terrible.

Buildings that you own.

What? How could you do that to those poor people?

Cut.

Security, please. Can I have security? Will you throw this man out, please?

Thank you very much. Is that true? Of course not. I have deed and documents.

Signed and dated by you.

Show me those papers.

Let him go.

The police know everything.

Whoever talks first could walk free.

Ding bed.

Turn the cameras on, please.

I want this taped.

I want everyone to know the awful truth.

You do?

I want my audience, everyone, to know how I was used

by a dishonest business manager who duped me into

signing those papers.

And that is the danger of investing your trust in the wrong person.

Sloan knows. Sloan suspects.

He doesn't know anything. Relax.

No, no, he knows. I'm sure of it.

He's probably on his way to the police now.

We've got to do something. And fast.

Lucy. I've got it. I've got it.

We'll kill him. Yes, we've already committed two murders. How many times

they execute us?

Sloan thinks we'll crack. Are you saying I'm cracking? No, I'm assuming that

vein throbbing in your forehead is a fashion statement.

You'll have something throbbing out of your forehead just like Freddie. You're

worrying about nothing. If he had anything, we'd be in handcuffs.

Yes, Cindy.

The district attorney is returning your call on line two.

Tell him he's mistaken, thank you. Hey, what kind of a deal did you cut?

You just couldn't wait to sell us out, could you? This is good.

Let's all turn against each other exactly the way Dr. Sloan and his

hoping.

Can't you see?

That's the point of his little stunts. So what do we do? Yeah, what do we do?

Give him someone else to concentrate on.

If we all stick together, he can't touch us.

What if the police already found Freddy's car?

If they had it, it'd be all over the news and this road would be closed off.

brought everything?

Yeah, Mary's car key, the blanks.

How did you come up with it?

If I can produce daytime TV, I can produce a prank.

Too bad there isn't an Emmy for best produced murder.

Ha ha, very funny. Listen, do you think the car key and the blanks are enough?

Maybe we should put something else in Freddy's car.

Uh, likewise.

A typed, unsigned confession?

Larry's right. If we plant too much evidence, they'll know what's up.

Assuming they ever find the wreck.

Well, maybe we should have picked a shorter cliff.

Yeah, they'll find it, and then they'll figure out what we want them to. Yeah,

the Freddie Meyers kill the better half of Darren and Mary.

The greedy half.

I'm getting going.

Not this part together.

Oh, thank you. And by the way, it's so nice to know chivalry isn't dead. Thanks

a lot for the help.

Hey,

these are $800. Shut up!

Please, please.

Wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I don't want to see Freddy decomposing. So close your eyes.

Hey, Tom, here.

Afternoon, folks.

Dr. Sloan, this is what it looks like.

We were just trying to find our friend, Freddy.

Oh, right where the killers left him, huh?

No, no. No, no, really. Dr. Sloan, you don't understand.

We had a very strong bond with Freddy, honestly.

Oh, nice say. What are you going to do next, confess?

They made me do it.

Oh, that's just great.

Hey, aren't you the one who said if we all stick together, they can't touch us?

That's just what I was counting on.

What? You were trying to turn us against each other.

You can't deny that. That's why you released Darren and pulled all those

Oh, come on, Tom. You're way too smart to fall for an old trick like that. Oh,

besides, if we're really trying to split you apart, I like to think we'd be a

bit more subtle about it.

So you didn't want me to inform against the others?

Well, that really wouldn't have done us much good.

To get a conviction, we needed the physical evidence.

We didn't know which one of you controlled it.

So we wanted you to think we wanted you to turn on one another, which pretty

much guaranteed you would try something together.

Thank you for making our job a whole lot easier.

Yeah, but wait, wait, Dr. Sloan, really.

I'll make a deal. I'll make a deal.

Here he is, Darren. So they all tried to turn state's evidence?

Oh, could you say I'm a victim of circuit offense? Darren Tate is being

Lucy Caruso and Larry Duggan are off the air for good.

Well, that was true.

They were colleagues, friends, people I trusted.

Now they're facing murder charges.

Even worse, the total destruction of their careers.

What went wrong?

What makes talk show hosts kill?

Can you answer that question, Lucy?

Taryn, I wish I could.

I just can't find the words.

Can't or won't.

Are you saying you can't find any remorse?

Of course you can. Her feelings of guilt and contrition are so painful, so

overwhelming, it's almost impossible for her to give him proper expression.

When I think about poor Mary.

What a dingbat.

And what about Freddy Myers?

You killed him too.

How did it feel?

He didn't say.

You can watch too much television.