Original subtitles

I mean, did you see that muffin bacon broad

yesterday, huh? That type of woman really chafes my crotch.

Ooh,

that hurts so good.

Speaking of dogs, Miss Kitty Lynn Hastings, queen of home show

television, is a complete phony.

I am going to have her bow before me and admit she's a wild, crazy

sex maniac who also hates apple pie.

I mean, I'm not kidding.

I don't care how long it takes, all right?

I'm going to break that two -faced, moronic, steppard wife right here on my

show.

Starting today, my friends, that's right.

truly Carl Burke as the Miss Kitty Lynn High Priestess of Hygiene.

Don't touch me there, Hastings. Coming on my program to admit the truth.

Hey, Kitty. How about it, honey, huh?

Glad you came to your senses. You can finally get that truth off your mighty

little C -cups.

Who knows?

Maybe we'll kiss and be best of friends.

That's Love Talk Radio.

somebody knocked her out of those starched cover -up, your blue varicose

pantyhose. I'm gonna blow that frilly ape right off her body.

Maybe we'll see what's under all the rippets and bows.

Right, kitty baby?

Ig.

Men.

What?

What?

What? What are you looking at me?

Thinking friends again?

No, I'm standing here and she... Oh, forget it. I'm just waiting for Mark.

Well, you're going to have a long wait.

Why? When's he coming in? Thursday.

Thursday? But if you follow me, you'll see him on TV.

What do you mean on TV?

Tell me. What do you mean on TV?

Norman, are you all right?

All right. I'm as good as any man can be who has faith in the inevitable.

I looked in the mirror this morning, and you know what I saw?

Toothpaste on your favorite flannel jammies.

I saw an old man. Oh, now, Norman, you're not an old man. But I am. I am.

Time has its grip on me. The clock ticks and I can't turn back the hands. Maybe

not, but you can slow them down.

What do you mean?

I'll tell you what I mean. I just started my rotation in cosmetic surgery.

A little nip here, a little tuck there.

We can make you into a whole new man.

People will think you're 30.

Really? No kidding?

All right, 40 tops.

You should think about it.

Okay, I might just do that.

Come on, Jessie, or else we're going to miss Mark and miss the show. Think about

it. He's doing the Kitty Wren Hastings show.

With the home show lady?

Mm -hmm. He'd get toast.

And this week they're doing the healthy home. You know, I guess Mark's going to

give her advice on diets or exercise programs, things of that nature.

Anyway, I love the show.

Tape it all the time. So I loaned him a few of my tapes so he could prepare.

It's Monday morning. We're live at home with America's favorite family hostess.

Kitty Lynn Hastings. So don't go away.

We'll be right back.

I've never been on live television before.

I never would have guessed.

Just too bad I didn't get you here an hour ago. I could have done something

this hair.

What's wrong with the hair?

Got your radio? Oh, I wouldn't miss this for the world. Can you believe she's

doing this?

Amazing. I bought it going on the radio this morning, too. Oh.

Yeah, and get this.

It's the Carl Burke show.

She's doing a phone -in during one of our musical segments.

Oh, it's nice of her.

Nice? You ever listen to Burke's show?

No. Oh, he is the number one in -your -face, sewer -mouth radio guy.

And he has been trashing Kitty Lynn forever.

No, I mean he lacerates her.

She despises him.

Why is she doing the show?

Well, hon, if I could figure out Kitty Lynn, I wouldn't be here worrying about

your hair.

Five seconds, Dr. Swamp.

What's the matter with the hair?

Thank you.

Thank you all so much. Aren't you sweet?

Hi there, America.

We have a wonderful show for you today. Our musical guests are going to be

Sister Anna Pauline and the St. Mary's Chapel Choir. They'll be along just a

little bit later with a full 25 minutes of inspirational tunes.

But first, you'll recall last week our theme was At Home with Safety.

Continuing our At Home series, this week our focus is going to be At Home with

Health. It's my pleasure to introduce our very special co -host from Community

General Hospital. Please help me give a wonderful, warm welcome to our special

new friend, Dr.

Mark Sloan.

Oh, Dr.

Sloan, welcome.

What is the most important advice that you can give to our viewers on how to

have a healthy home?

They say home is where the heart is, Kitty Lynn.

So taking care of your heart should start at home.

That's why we brought a recipe for...

healthy home broccoli and turnip stew.

It tastes good and it's good for you.

Well, it sounds yummy.

I can't wait to get you in our country kitchen.

We'll be right back with that stew and Sister Pauline right after these

from our local sponsors.

And we're clear. Well, you were wonderful.

This is going to be a wonderful week. Wonderful.

Who's got a cat in here? Oh, I was playing with Sparks this morning. He

have gotten hair on my sweater. I'm sorry.

Just stay away from me.

Camera's off, hon. You can stop smiling now.

They don't make their printing very big, do they?

Bye -bye, all you pat -boom -kissing little right -wing Nazis.

Okay, I'm going to take a break now, and we'll be right back.

There's the bark.

Well, you know damn well who this is.

Hey, sweet cheeks. You're calling a little early, aren't you? I'm calling to

tell you that I'm not going to do it.

Oh, yes, you are, Kitty.

I don't lie to my audience.

You're coming on, and you're kissing my butt any time I ask you to. You're a

real foul -mouthed jerk, you know that?

Come on, kitty cat, lighten up.

Look, I am not going to risk my reputation and everything that I have

hard for. So you get back on the air and tell all those little perverts that

listen to you I'm not going to do it. Yes, you are, kitty.

And you know why you're doing it.

You're pushing too hard, Carl.

Oh, you love it when I push hard.

Say you call me back in about ten minutes, all right? You know the number.

are sick and twisted.

All right.

I'll do your hideous show, Carl, but once. And once only, and on my terms.

Oh, I can't guarantee that.

Really? Well, I can.

Kitty Lynn, do not play games with me.

I will call you today just like I agreed to.

That's my little pumpkin.

And you better take your best shot, Carl, because I guarantee you it'll be

laugh.

So we have steamed our broccoli. We have made our stock out of chicken broth and

lemon and garlic and all of these yummy herbs and spices. And now to the turnip.

Now, ours are precooked, of course, but to show you how they should be sliced,

I'm going to turn it over to Dr. Sloan because, after all, you are the famous

surgeon.

Well, you know, Kitty, most of us know about broccoli. You know, it's a vitamin

A, iron, calcium. But the lonely turnip. Oh, dear.

Turnip is often overlooked. It's a wonderful source of carbohydrates.

Also, it contains thiamine, riboflavin.

Oh, boy.

Oh, gosh, why?

I hope our malpractice insurance is paid up.

It's just a little scratch.

You know, knives can be the most dangerous things in the...

It's in the kitchen, isn't it? Well, I think the trick is just to trim off one

of the ends and lay it down flat like this, and then you can just slice away

without injuring yourself at all. Now, these go into the pot. Everything needs

to simmer for at least an hour over low heat. Add your broccoli, and then all

that's left to do is enjoy.

Dr. Sloan and I will be back with you in the next half hour. Maybe we should

just do kitchen first day.

Just kidding.

Right now I hear piano, and that means that it's our pleasure to bring on

Anna Pauline and the choir for some of the best gosh darn toe -tapping, heart

-soaring music you've ever heard. Right after these messages.

And we're clear. Sorry about that.

Oh, don't be silly. You were wonderful.

I will see you in 26 minutes. Okay.

Rosie, absolutely no interruptions, okay? Because I, you know, I have

to do. Got it. Can I ask?

Why are you doing this butthead show?

I want to prove to everyone that you can still have dignity, even in the face of

all that vulgarity.

Whatever.

It's almost showtime, gang. Let's wait for that telephone call. This kitty,

big old bag full of carpet dust that she is.

You're going to have to put up with me for just a second. Some of this crappy

music while we wait for it.

Yes, it's me.

Well, be tongue -tied. He did it.

All right, gang, we're back with the event you have been waiting for.

Yes, my friends.

Boy meets girl.

North meets south.

Let's get ready to rumble!

Kitty Lynn, Kitty Lynn, Kitty Lynn.

Hello, Carl.

How are you?

I'm fine, darling.

In fact, in case you haven't heard, I'm the go -to -hell king of the airwaves.

And I must have blown some real hot air up that musty skirt of yours.

Welcome to fame, baby.

Well, I'm happy to be here.

Of course you are.

Let's have been 10, 15 years since a real man was with you, huh?

Or maybe you're not into men anymore.

Maybe that's your deep, dark secret.

Oh, Carl, come on now.

Everything we talk about doesn't have to be smutty, does it?

Oh, absolutely not.

What kind of underwear are you wearing?

You know, I don't think that's a very appropriate question.

All right, okay.

Let's get to it, Kitty.

Why are you such an uptight bitch?

I'm not sure I understand the question, Carl. Oh, come on, Kitty. Have you ever

popped a zit or passed some gentle southern wind in public? Carl.

I am a normal woman who just happens to host a nationally syndicated morning

show, weekdays from 9 to 11 on KCDM Los Angeles.

Jeez, was that a plug or what?

Speaking of plugs, I saw your exercise infomercial the other day. Ooh, nice

chicken. You know, I believe that staying fit is so important for

Well, Carl, why don't you buy one of my videos and then you can fee for

yourself? Oh, baby, I'm dreaming of those knees.

I'm just looking forward to watching you down there teaching everybody how to

scrub floors, if you know what I mean.

Honestly, Carl, do you only think about one thing?

You got it, honey. One note, Burke.

Carl, I thought you wanted to talk about our show.

Is there anything to talk about?

You come on down here right now. I'll blow the phony peroxide highlights right

out of your hair, all right? Before we're done, you'll be down on your knees

kissing my bare toes in Macy's front window.

You got that, Kitty Lynn?

Hello.

Not dismissed you yet.

Carl, I am sure, just as most of your listeners are, that at heart you are a

sweet, lovable, normal guy, and this is all just an act to get attention.

Isn't that right, Carl?

Listen, garden rink, you get your powdered lilac dripping hiney down here,

I'll show you what's lovable about me.

Well, I would love to, Carl, but I do have a show to do, and I believe I've

my time with you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I have not.

Dismissed you yet, slave girl.

You know what?

You're really starting to bore me, Kitty. Well, I'm so sorry, Carl.

But listen now, I really do have to go.

You know what?

So do I.

Wait a second, my little cherub. This has been a gasp, but you've got to do

thing for me.

Just say one dirty word, okay?

Well, I would never do that.

Come on, say puke, say boogers. Just do it.

Carl, you know what? I really do have to run now.

But it has been so fun talking to you.

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Get out of here.

We're going to be back in a minute, my friends, with an expose on the

presidential candidate who's a cross -dressers so he can get both the male

female vote.

Did you listen to? Yes, I did. That was remarkable. You were very, very calm.

Was I?

I feel like I need a shower.

You coming down with something?

Just allergies.

Dr. Sloan, we're moving this way.

Come on, sweetheart.

Daddy's got some num -nums for you.

Come on, you stupid cat.

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs

bursting in air, gave proof

through the night that our flag was

still there. Oh, say does

that star -spangled banner

yet wave O

say

does that star -spangled banner

yet wave

And as you know, Kitty Lynn, the nutritional value of every onion is

the same.

Whether they're Bermuda onions, the whites, the common browns, or even those

erotic, exotic sweets from Maui.

That's right, Mark.

And we'll be right back with some more helpful nutritional hints right after

this. Thank you very much, Kitty.

I needed a little rehearsal.

I saw the show yesterday.

I needed it.

Looks like you're doing all right here. I don't know. At home, I'm a benihana

chef. But down there, I'm looking at those two cars in the camera, I can't do

anything. Yeah, might lose part of a knuckle.

You want some breakfast?

No, no, I gotta run.

What's up?

You ever listen to that guy Carl Burke?

No, but I sure have been hearing his name a lot lately.

Well, you're going to hear it some more. He turned up dead this morning.

What happened?

Apparently, the poor guy died of a household accident.

Electrocuted himself.

Oh, that's terrible.

You know, he was an enemy of a friend of mine.

Oh, that's right.

Kitty Lynn was one of his favorite bullseyes, wasn't he?

Why are you checking out if it was just an accident?

Not just routine.

Apparently, there was a few weird things. Looks like someone tried to

earlier.

Sounds interesting.

Mind if I go along? That's fine.

Joe, I can stop off at the studio later. Just a minute.

What is that all about? Lemon juice. Cuts the onion smell.

Another household hint from Kitty Lynn. That's right, Mark. And that's about it

for today, so join us for tomorrow's show when our topic will be your friend

lima bean.

Thanks.

Hey, Russ.

Hi, Steve. How are you doing? Russ Marsh.

This is my dad, Dr. Mark Slott. Pleasure to meet you, Doc.

What do you got, Russ?

Why don't you come around here and take a look?

Now, we're treating this as an accidental death, but you really ought

look just in case.

Actual time of the break -in was 9 .36 yesterday morning. That's when the door

was compromised and the alarm was set off.

Oh, look at that. Not broken.

Cut through clean as a whistle.

So?

Well, I don't know. I always have a picture of guys with tire irons breaking

windows. A quieter with a glass cutter.

Yeah, that's true.

Anyway, Burke was notified of the break -in attempt. It didn't seem to bother

him too much at the time, but the guy left a great set of impressions.

Footprints right here.

Did you get a plaster cast?

Yeah, it's already done. The perpetrator goes about 175, 180s. We're in a size

11, size 11 and a half booth.

Sure, a neat way to get in.

Actually, we're not sure that he did.

Response time was pretty good on this. We're looking at four and a half

The guy may have just stepped in and split right away when he saw this alarm

light blinking over here.

Yeah, he may have had an electrical problem.

What we've done is a penny in there where the fuse ought to be.

Looks to the place where it wasn't much of a homemaker.

There's a penny in every one of them. Huh.

What makes you think the burglar ever got in?

Well, nothing's missing. The drawers are all closed, the closets are closed, and

there's a lot of stuff to steal. The guy had seven television sets. He didn't

believe that.

Let's take a look around.

With all his money, he would have thought he'd been able to afford a maid.

What is that smell?

I don't know.

Uh -oh. I think this little fellow right here is the source of the odor.

Uh -huh.

Litterbox.

Not too well kept, either.

Steve, I'm going to pull up steaks if you... No,

thanks, Russ.

Got a problem with cats, Russ? Oh, yeah. Once you get it, it never goes away.

I've got to get out of here. I'll see you guys.

I guess we're going to have to find a new home for this little guy, huh?

It may not be too easy. You know, a lot of people are allergic to cats.

And we're back with Kitty Lynn and her guest, Dr. Mark Sloan.

So you're saying that there is a right way and a wrong way to arrange your

medicine check? Absolutely. You know, the problem is, Kitty, that most people

don't even think about it. Well, I know. I certainly never have.

Well, we all should because the bathroom can be potentially the most dangerous

room in the house.

You know, I also do consultant work for the police department.

You know, I have heard that. This is a man of many talents.

I work mostly, of course, for the homicide squad.

As a matter of fact, I was with the police this morning. Some poor man died

his own bathroom.

No. Yes, it seems the poor fellow grabbed his dryer while he was still wet

the shower.

Well, that is awful.

The police seem to think there was faulty wiring in the dryer itself.

My word. Well, I guess your bathroom really can be hazardous. So I see we're

putting all the non -toxic items on the floor shelf. You know, the worst thing

about that case was that the man had just...

pennies in all of his fuses, no proper fuses at all. Now, that's very

Well, I should say, never put pennies in your fuse box.

But that's another show, Dr. Sloan. So, we're putting all of the potentially

dangerous items way up high. Right, and dangerous prescription drugs like this

should be kept out of the reach of small children.

Oh, dear!

I was around a cat this morning. I bet I've got danger all over my clothes.

You're allergic, aren't you? Yes, I certainly am.

We should just take a little break, and we'll be right back after these

messages.

And we're clear.

Oh, dear.

Oh. Oh. You know, this is going pretty well, I think, don't you? Oh, you know

what, Dr. Sloan? I don't really think my viewers care to hear about some fellow

who died in his bathroom.

But, you know, I think it's very interesting. You know who I'm talking

have no idea.

That DJ you were talking to yesterday.

Carl Burke?

Is dead?

Mm. Oh, my word, that's awful.

Yes, and it really is terrible.

Here, I'll get you a climax.

I'm going to show you why you don't need to pay a fortune to a glazier just to

replace your broken window.

What are you watching?

Some old tapes of the Kitty Lynn show.

Watch this.

In just a few simple steps, I'm going to show you why you don't need to pay a

fortune to a glazier just to replace your broken window.

You will need a glass cutter.

You're also going to need a putty knife, some spackle, and a lot of patience.

Well, you should have left that on. I could have brushed up on my glass

How's your electrical?

Today, I am going to attempt to take a little bit of the mystery out of home

wiring. Dad, where are you getting that? One more. Very simple.

Now, what we're doing here is strapping on what... would amount to roughly one

-third of Sally's body weight. So now everybody in America gets to see what

look like at 170 pounds.

Dad, you're not thinking what I think you're thinking.

Diving suit, 170 pounds?

A size 11 shoe?

Yeah, she sleeps on a pair of man's boots.

And then she cuts out the window.

Exactly, just like she did right there.

And then rewires the hairdryer, Dad? I don't know.

Well, why not?

Why is more like it. I mean, you think she...

Kill the man just because he taunted her on his stupid radio show? Oh, no, no. I

mean, there was some other reason for it, but that's what we have to find out.

But she killed him.

Dad, think about what you're saying.

I had been.

Kitty Lynn Hastings is a God -fearing, beauty pageant -winning moral barometer

for millions of TV viewers.

Nobody talks like that.

Well, I read it in the paper.

Oh, did the paper say she's a murderer? Because that's what I think she is.

Why? Because she's handy around the house? No, I'm not saying I've got

admissible evidence you can nail it down with.

I can't even think of a solid motive.

As a matter of fact, I can't figure out how she was on the air in the studio

with Burke and at Burke's house at the same time.

So you're working on a hunt? Yeah, you could say that, yeah.

Well, the coroner's going to rule Burke's death accidental.

I guess I could slow him down a little. No, no, I don't want to hold him up.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Any hunch of yours is good enough for me.

Yeah, but it's still just a hunch.

Well, if you do come up with anything, you know where to find me. Okay, thanks.

Boy, I hate it when I just have a hunch.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Bambi is beautiful.

That is disgusting.

No, no, no, no. See the incision around the scalp line? That makes it easy for

him to trim the flesh and draw it back over the skull.

I think I'd rather wear a hat.

Oh, this is so great.

He's making an incision in the soft tissue under the eye, which makes it

healing the skin of a turkey.

You know, I used to like Thanksgiving.

Mark, hello.

How's it going?

I thought you were doing the Kitty Lynn Hastings show this morning. I am in

about an hour.

Oh, my God.

What's supposed to happen?

Jesse, what does the rest of your day look like?

Well, Dr.

Goosebump is going to crack a cheekbone and reshape it later this afternoon. I

thought Norman might like to see that. This afternoon?

Dawn. Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. I got a budget meeting this afternoon.

Dawn, I... It's now.

Meeting's now. I must be late.

Dawn, I got...

The guy who wants to see the possibilities of modern cosmetic surgery

Go figure.

So what's up?

Did you ever listen to the Carl Burke show?

Who hasn't?

Did you know about that thing he had going with Kitty Lynn Hastings?

Yeah, I mean, he tore her apart every chance he got.

You have any idea at all why she agreed to do it?

Who knows? Maybe she was a glutton for punishment.

Yeah, or try this.

Maybe Burke had something on her.

You mean blackmail?

And that's what I'd like for you to find out. How am I going to do that?

On the FM dial.

You mean he didn't really hate Kitty Lynn?

Berkey had a five -hour gig five days a week. Half the American populace can't

come up with five minutes of interesting dinner conversation.

He did this day in and day out. Now, going off on Kitty Lynn was a bit.

He used it as a way to fill a couple hours every week.

So why do you think that she would agree to do his show?

Because she's an idiot?

I don't know.

I don't have a clue.

All I know is Berkey came in one day and announced that he got her to commit to

an open slate.

What's open slate?

You know, an open slate. You can talk about anything.

And with Berk, they usually started at your cup size, and it was all downhill

after that.

Icky -dicky -picky -poo? Now, that's not a very nice thing to say, Alice, but,

well, then again, neither is the toilet salt stuff. But I gotta go real fast!

I gotta find myself a new line of work.

Yeah.

Well, these past few days have just flown by, Mark. I can't believe that

tomorrow is going to be our last day together.

And they've been very interesting, Kitty.

I think today is going to be even more interesting.

I think so, too.

Thank you, but you think that should be an E -flat or a C right there?

Uh, yeah, E -flat.

Yeah, so it's an A -flat chord, huh?

I don't think so.

Oh, well. You're new here, huh?

What's your name?

I tell you what, why don't you come on down to the gig tonight? I'll play

something special for you. You know, really, yes. I was wondering if you knew

where Miss Hastings' dressing room would be.

Yeah,

down the hall on the left.

Thank you. No problem.

like surprises, Mark?

I think so.

Good, because I think we have a couple of wonderful surprises in store for

today, along with more tips on how you can keep healthy and living longer with

my special co -host this week, Dr. Mark Sloan.

Don't go away. We'll be right back.

And clear.

Okay, you have five minutes.

Let's go.

Where are you going?

I beg your pardon?

You're not gonna leave me out here alone, are you?

I will be right back.

Jimmy, I'll be in my dressing room.

Oh, boy.

Kitty?

Kitty, can I speak to you a moment?

We have less than five minutes. What is it? It's this.

You think this is too much?

It's fine.

Oh!

Listen, would you mind giving me a little warning before you do that?

Talk to my union, honey.

I was so close.

How'd you get out of there?

He's got a back door and a cell phone.

Oh, so opportunity for her to get out of there and rig Burke's hair dryer.

While still being interviewed on the radio.

Good. Oh, now we have means, we have opportunity.

Now, Jesse's got to come up with a motive.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe we've met. I'm Kitty Lynn Hastings. Amanda

Livingston.

I work here.

What do you do?

Amanda works with me. She's a big fan. Just wanted to drop by. It is so nice to

meet you.

I understand you were in my dressing room.

Was I? No.

I don't know if you've realized this, Miss Livingston, but the people who work

for me are my family.

We've been together a long time.

They protect me. They talk to me.

They tell me when someone is slinking around backstage.

Oh, I wasn't slinking. Okay, we're back with the flower segment, then go right

introducing Ben Vereen.

Is Ben Vereen on the show? I always wanted to meet him.

Okay. Jimmy, would you hold this for me? Sure. Okay, one minute, everyone.

Okay.

Well, I guess I better get out of the way, too.

Yeah.

Is that Ben? Don't bother him.

That is him. Yeah.

I think you owe me an explanation, Mark. What was she doing in my dressing room?

Oh, Kitty, I asked Amanda to do some snooping around in there. 20 seconds.

For what?

Well, it's come up with a motive.

A motive for what?

Murder? Stand by ten seconds.

You think that somebody in my family murdered Carl Burke?

No, I think you did.

Hi there, and welcome back to At Home with Kitty Lynn and my co -host, Dr.

Sloan. And flowers can be a very healthy addition to your home, yes?

Flowers? Yes, they can, Kitty.

As long as they're not on your grave.

I actually accused her. Well, she didn't give me much choice.

This is a shrewd woman, Mark. You might be setting yourself up for a slander

suit. Well, you can't be sued if you're telling the truth, and she did it.

I'm sorry. You don't go out and kill someone because they make fun of you on

radio. That's exactly what Steve said.

Well, if it was blackmail, then nobody else at the radio station knows what he

had on her. Well, it's got to be here.

What? Well, the other reason. Their lives must have crossed paths sometime

the past, and they got involved in something, or they did something they

shouldn't have. I don't know. I doubt it. They're complete opposite.

Yeah, Kitty grew up with money, upper -class suburbs. She even graduated from

Wellesley with honors. I doubt very much that she even knew that Burke existed

until she moved out here.

You sure about that?

Pretty much.

Burke grew up poor, struggled through college, went from job to job until he

finally landed here in L .A.

Kitty's a west -side social elite.

Definitely not Burke's world.

Hmm. Can I have a look?

You say Kitty graduated from Wellesley?

Yeah, with honors.

And Burke?

Colorado Central University.

Well, I wonder why she never mentioned a little Colorado Central University.

All right.

Here we go.

Oh, Dr.

Sloan.

You and I are going to have such a wonderful dinner together.

Why are we doing another cooking segment?

She inflicted. Bump the dog trainer for that.

So, then you really do think that the free -range chicken is better than the

average farm -grown variety?

Oh, absolutely, Kitty.

It's less fat, and also there's a lot less chance of salmonella. Well, that's

good for us to know. You know, it was in Colorado that they developed the first

free -ranger.

Really? Colorado?

Uh -huh. Right near where you went to college.

I'm Wellesley, darling.

Oh, didn't you go to Colorado Central for a little while?

It's funny, I thought I read that somewhere.

I can't imagine where.

Oh, it was on your coffee cup.

So, while our chicken is browning, let's move on to our sauce.

Orange ginger?

Yes. Why don't you taste that, Dr. Sloan?

You're the cook. You're the cook.

That I am.

And I would say...

Just a little bit more salt.

If you can do without it, salt's not our friend.

Hey, Norm.

I gotta cancel that liposuction observation with Dr. Goosebaum this

No, that's no problem. I've decided against cosmetic surgery.

You're kidding.

When the gene pool came together to create this hairline, this body, this

my destiny was sealed.

Too bad. Well, I'm not going to change that destiny. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm

going to embrace it. I tell you, Norman, I was really looking forward to

reshaping you. You know, carving you into a new man.

Wait till Halloween and carve a pumpkin.

Have a little tummy tuck.

No. What do you say I lop off one of those chins?

I like my chins. My chin. I like my chin. You're a Weisenheimer. Norman.

Jesse.

Where's Mark?

I don't know. I guess he's still down at the studio. Why? What's up? If Hunch

was right.

Kitty was at CCU, but their records show that she dropped out five months after

being there.

And if she didn't do Carl's show, he was going to expose her for the college

dropout she was.

Would you get serious for one minute, please? All right, what else do you

I have her boarding address, and she left CCU. Here you go.

Kickapoo's car wash.

3602 Van Nuys. She moved to a car wash.

It wasn't a car wash in 1974.

Well, what was it?

You're kidding.

That's it. That's what he had on her. And possibly a motive for murder.

Isn't that beautiful?

Oh, gorgeous, gorgeous.

Well,

Dr.

Mark Sloan, it has been a most wonderful week. Yes, it has, Kitty. I would like

to thank you for your health tip.

for your wonderful sense of humor and most of all for making my home your

Dig in.

And to all of you out there, bon appetit, stay healthy, and along the way

might just find time to enjoy yourself.

Isn't that delicious?

Bye -bye, everyone.

So what was with the Colorado bit?

We were there the same time Carl Burke was. You both worked at the campus radio

station together.

Did we?

Kitty, how long do you think you can hide your past?

You know, Dr. Sloan, this has been a very interesting week. Thank you again.

Dr. Sloan, there's a phone call for you.

Thank you.

Dr. Sloan.

Mark, it's me.

Hi. What'd you find out?

You were right. Kitty was at CCU when Burke was there. But get this. She ended

up out here five months later at a hospital for unwed mothers. You're

What motive? Let's face it. If Burke knew that Kitty had an illegitimate

he could have used it against her like an automatic weapon.

Listen, I think you better call Steve and get him down here.

What are you going to do, Mark?

I think I'll hang around here and stoop around a little bit more.

Well, be careful.

Right, I will.

Excuse me.

Are you going to eat that now? You want me to wrap it? Yeah, that'd be nice.

Thank you.

And put a little more of that orange sauce on it.

I have the key if you need it.

Oh, I was just... Snooping around a little more?

Yeah, I was.

Maybe I can save you a little time, Dr. Sloan.

A little time?

Well, I know you're going to figure out my sordid path sooner or later.

I will.

You're a very bright man, Mark.

Well, I try to stay fit and eat right.

Do you?

What'd you do, Kitty?

I didn't do anything. I think you did.

The chicken.

You prepared it perfectly.

But you ate it, too.

Not the same chicken.

You see, you ate a hazel hen, Mark.

Looks and tastes exactly the same as chicken, but they just love to munch on

mountain laurel. That's why you have to stay away from them in the springtime.

It doesn't seem to bother them at all, but it makes their flesh, well, deadly.

Don't do this, Kitty. I think we better get you to the hospital.

I don't think we have any time to wait.

You should be

slipping into a coma in a little while.

I understand that death comes rather quickly.

Kitty, other people know about the baby. I understand that the symptoms resemble

a mild stroke.

This isn't going to end with me.

No, I'll probably have to go into full PR mode, write a tear -jerking tell -all

book. But nobody has to know the whole truth. The real reason I had to kill

Carl.

The real reason?

Dear, you know, I think I just missed the turn to the hospital.

How's Kitty Lynn?

Uh, I haven't seen her.

Well, I saw her drive out of here about five minutes ago with the doctor.

Get a chopper up. What kind of car is she driving?

A burgundy Explorer.

All right, get on it. I'll read you with the license number.

It's Sloan here. I need you to run a plate for me on a burgundy Explorer.

It's registered to a Kitty Lynn Hastings.

Don't you just hate traffic?

Especially when you're not feeling well.

What is the real reason, Kitty? Why did you do all this?

Killing Carl was the highlight of my life, Dr. Sloan. You see, you're missing

one really important piece here.

He is the foul -mouthed bastard that got me pregnant in the first place.

He's the one that's put me through all of this.

He's the one that made me dirty.

You all right, Dad? Why, son?

All right, get on it. Let's get him to the hospital.

We finally tracked down the lady that ran the unwed mother's home.

She recognized Kitty Lynn from the photo you found at Carl's house.

But not Kitty Lynn the happy homemaker.

Back then, she was just another unwed mother who didn't even flinch when she

signed her baby over for adoption.

How funny.

What is?

That sweet, lovable Kitty Lynn was actually a horrible person. And Carl

that vile boar, was at one time a decent man.

Exactly what they said about each other on the air that day. The woman I spoke

to said he made several visits to Kitty and pleaded with her to marry him. He

wanted her to keep the baby, but she turned him down flat.

Eventually wouldn't talk to him at all.

All ended up in a twisted love -hate relationship and a murder.

Okay, test came back. Blood count is normal. You can eat now.

Yeah. I am, believe it or not, a little hungry. What do you got?

Nature's penicillin. Went all the way to Crazy Murray's Deli for this. Chicken

soup. Chunk full of chunks.

Chicken?

I didn't go past, Norman.

Viacom.