Original subtitles

Good morning, miss Luanne.

Oh, damn! Every damn thing has to happen

When you're in a damn hurry!

Why Luanne,

You think your daddy can't hear that language?

Dear, you're not wearing bermuda shorts to Fort Sumter,

Least of all to someone's house.

We're all going to change

In a gas station before we get there.

Senator Clatterbuck's daughter

Does not undress in a gasoline station.

Now go upstairs and change.

Nicely. Damn! Damn! Damn!

Now, do try to learn something.

The civil war started in Fort Sumter.

Everyone knows that, mama.

And do try to be gracious. Remember who you are.

Yes, ma'am.

And don't wear dark lipstick.

Yes, ma'am.

And don't stay out too late.

Yes, ma'am.

And don't let any of the other girls

Drive my car!

Yes, ma'am.

Other than that, have a good time.

Pudge? Pudge, you forgot your metrecal, honey.

Oh, mama!

Now, you stay on your diet, dear.

You want to fit into that bridesmaid's dress.

Bye, mama.

Hey, Luanne.

Hey.

Is your mama still making you diet?

There'll be nothing left, Pudge.

She hasn't noticed yet.

Bye, sweetheart. Y'all have fun.

Woo!

Thought you'd never get here, Luanne.

So did I.

Suppose your mama calls my mama?

She won't. She won't.

She's going off campaigning with daddy somewhere.

What did your mama say about the trip?

Ahem.

"I'm so thrilled you girls are taking an interest

"In your heritage.

"Now, you take this jar of my pepper relish

Oh! "To Luanne's aunt devote!"

"And stay on your diet, dear. "

Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Melaina, unlock this door.

You hear me?

I'm not decent, daddy.

Tell those girls to lay off that horn.

You're not going with them.

Yes, sir.

And you ain't foolin' me

With that Fort Sumter story.

Yes, sir.

There she is.

She doesn't know that house has a door.

Someday, her daddy's gonna take that ladder away.

Come on!

Go, go, go!

Lay rubber! Whew!

Melaina!

Get back here right now!

Damn holy roller!

I can't believe you're just up and leaving me

With the whole weddin'.

Harley, it's only for 3 days!

Don't raise your arms.

3 days is a long time.

Harley, just let her go on this little outing

So I can get on without all this fuss.

You haven't even chosen your bouquet yet.

Don't raise your arms, Carson.

Sorry, mama.

Fort Sumter?

I don't know why you have to go now...

uh-Oh, Harley's having a hissy.

Y'all told.

Uh-Uh. Shh, we did not.

Carson still thinks we're going to Fort Sumter.

She's gonna lay a brick when she finds out

Where we're takin' her.

French him, Carson!

Can you imagine marrying anybody so dullsville?

Kill me now.

Do y'all think Carson and Harley

Have premarital sex?

Melaina! Gross!

Carson told me Harley doesn't see any point in it.

They're saving it for their wedding night.

Then he'll spring it on her

He doesn't have a tallywagger.

Shh. Y'all don't talk ugly

About Harley in front of Carson.

Remember, we have to make this the best weekend

Of her entire life.

Hi, Harley.

Hello.

Hi, y'all. You ok, sugar?

Harley didn't want me to come.

It's gonna be fun.

Y'all behave yourselves.

Bye. Bye.

We're on our way!

Ok, everybody, "how mature are you?

"The night before the prom, your steady breaks his leg.

"Do you:

"A. Sit home with him watching TV

"And let your new prom gown go to waste?

"Or b. drag him to the prom,

"And then dance with his best friend all night?"

What does the best friend look like?

Melaina...

A. You'll sit home with him

And let your new prom dress go to waste.

Luanne is mature!

"Question number 2.

"At the party, your dreamboat hands you an alcoholic beverage.

"Do you: a. Politely refuse

"And ask for a soft drink-"

Or b. Get knee-Walking drunk

And let him go to third base?

Melaina, no.

Ok, Pudge, here's your fortune.

Yellow.

Y-E-L-L-O-W.

"You will marry bullwinkle and have three kids. "

At least I won't be an old maid.

If I'm not engaged by the time I'm 20,

I'm going to kill myself.

Luanne, that was our turnoff.

Oh, damn!

Guess that means we just have to go to Myrtle Beach!

Woo! In that case...

Melaina!

Grab the wheel.

Luanne!

Are y'all going crazy?

Oh, Jesus Christ!

What are y'all doing?

Goin' to Myrtle Beach to meet boys.

Turn on the radio!

Woo!

Be careful!

Let's go on everything.

We will.

Hey, y'all, look.

There's the ocean.

It's great here.

I want to call Harley.

You're not calling Harley.

Carson, we only came here so you could have a good time.

I'm not allowed to go to Myrtle Beach.

We won't tell on you.

Sug', we're not in high school anymore.

Oh! I forgot it was sun fun festival

This weekend.

Hi.

Hi.

Where y'all from?

None of your beeswax.

"None of your beeswax?"

That's so queer!

Ha ha ha.

They were cute.

He was uncouth!

He was adorable. Hey, y'all!

Melaina, don't. Come on!

I've been coming to Myrtle Beach

Since I was a little-bitty girl.

We just don't date these local boys.

Well, I'm not stuck having to marry

The son of some old plantation owner, Luanne.

I can have fun.

I think you're forgetting whose weekend this is.

Oh, my God. Look.

That's where Florence Jowers

Got pregnant last year.

It's not too late to go to Fort Sumter.

Honestly, Carson! We're not gonna get pregnant.

We can conduct ourselves as ladies,

No matter where we are.

Y'all forgot your beer!

Hey!

Aah! Aah!

Get them!

Melaina!

I'm sorry!

Melaina!

Y'all, act like

You've got some upbringing!

I mean it.

Everybody in this entire town

Knows the senator.

If my daddy finds out,

We'll be on restriction till we're old and gray.

Now, we can have a good time,

But we cannot be wild.

Ha!

There's the pavilion, Pudge.

And look, there's a shag contest.

Get on your shagging shoes.

That is so cool.

Where the hell is it?

Let's just break in.

Melaina Buller, you are not running the show.

Ah!

Luanne, this place is huge.

Oh, wow.

Wow. I think I could live here.

Luanne, this is some beach house.

There are going to be some rules around here.

For one thing,

I don't want anybody sitting on the furniture.

If you have to sit down, then just sit on the floor.

Also...

don't anybody use the telephone.

Oh, come on, Luanne.

The house is supposed to be empty.

If we run up that phone bill

And daddy sees someone was here-

What about calling Harley?

You're not calling Harley!

And furthermore...

daddy's bourbon...

strictly off limits.

Other than that...

why, make yourselves at home!

"5:30- Give your hair

"A fresh set.

"He's worth the extra trouble. "

How does she know?

"After your bath, apply a cloud-Like spray

"Of his favorite cologne,

"And don't forget your deodorant. "

I can't believe she put that in here.

"6:30- Apply makeup. "

What does she say about eyeliner?

Does she do that little taily thing at the end?

I think eyeliner looks trashy.

I wear eyeliner.

Well, I like the way it looks on some people.

So, what does that add up to?

She spends 21/2 hours getting ready to go out?

Reckon that's how she got to be miss Galaxy.

She's not even that pretty.

Don't y'all think she looks

Exactly like Mary Pat Montgomery?

Ewwwwww!

Ha ha ha!

Mary Pat Montgomery was the one

Who told me about boners.

Gross!

It isn't a bone at all.

It's a muscle.

This cousin of hers dated a clemson tiger

Who sprained his in a game.

And she had to massage it every night when it got hard

Because he was in so much pain.

Mary Pat told you that?

And she always acts so innocent!

Ok, come on. What do y'all think?

French twist or bubble flip?

Bubble flip's much better for shagging.

Come on, let's go.

I'm not gonna dance.

It wouldn't be right.

You're gonna dance.

Honey, this is your weekend.

Just forget about that ol' wedding.

And let us spoil you.

Carson, I will never get over

How tiny your feet are.

What size do you wear? Four?

41/2?

Harley is certainly a very lucky boy.

Sugar... what's wrong?

Looky, looky.

It's Binky.

Sugar, tell Luanne what's wrong.

I love y'all so much.

And, uh...

y'all are going off to college and everything.

And you're gonna forget me.

I know I shouldn't be jealous,

But I am.

She's wrecked her face.

Carson...

I swear. I swear on the Bible.

I will write you every week from college.

And so will Pudge. And so will Melaina.

I'm not going to college.

Do y'all think I'm doing the right thing?

Yeah. Sure.

Of course we do. Yes.

Harley is a wonderful person

From a wealthy and respected family,

And I know you're going to be...

very happy.

And if you're not, there's always divorce.

Melaina! Melaina!

Hey, where y'all going?

Wow! Yeah!

Look, there's Johnny!

Johnny!

Where you going, blondie?

Luanne, how come you never brought us here before?

I haven't brought you here now. Right, girls?

Oh, right.

Carson, you look exactly like Jackie Kennedy.

I think J.F.K.

Is a sweet potato.

Oh, Melaina, he's an old man.

Eww!

I don't care. I'd have an affair with him

Outside of marriage.

Melaina! Melaina!

Ha ha ha.

Oh!

He's the president, Melaina.

That's sacrilegious.

What a sweet potato!

Don't y'all think...

oh! He saw us!

Jimmy Valentine.

Where?

There.

They can't really mean the real Jimmy Valentine.

That's him. That's Jimmy Valentine.

Do y'all really think he's gonna be here?

Oh, God. He's a greaser.

I thought you were over him.

How can you like him and Harley Ralston

At the same time?

He can't even sing.

Did you see paradise and you? Make me puke.

I am mostly over him.

Y'all, it's OK

If Carson likes Jimmy Valentine.

Yeah, um...

he's got a great...

personality.

Didn't he buy his mother a car or something?

OK. Which one of you girls is mine?

Ha ha ha! None of us!

They're all so forward.

Oh, no!

Aah! Aah!

Oh, my God!

It's a thing!

I can't believe the jerks

In this town!

I'm really here.

I can't believe I'm really here.

Get control.

Thanks.

Please, God! Somebody ask me to dance.

Oh, God! Look at these boho hairdos.

Where are they from?

Cool... here comes somebody.

Pudge, if he asks you to dance, first time say no.

You don't want him thinking you're desperate.

Would any of y'all like to dance?

No, thank you.

I'd love to.

Melaina!

The exception proves the rule.

She can't shag.

Hey, baby... ahh!

Let's twist!

No. Wait, wait, wait. I don't dance!

Luanne!

Oh, my God! What a creep!

Help!

Help!

Ha ha ha!

Hey, Leslie, come on and dance.

Why can't girls ask boys to dance?

It's not fair.

Hi. Buy you a beer?

They don't sell beer.

I have a soda. Thank you.

Bartender, four beevos.

Nice night.

Oh, yeah. Real nice.

Say, you don't happen to shag, do you?

No.

Let go of me, you creep!

I'm Buzz Ravenel.

Let's dance.

I'm sorry. I'm engaged.

Well, I'm sorry

You're engaged, too.

Wait!

Dance with my girlfriend first.

Hi.

Hi.

Got your eyes full?

Fat ass!

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

You know any elephant jokes?

Is that a remark?

About what?

Sorry.

I guess I'm just sensitive about my weight.

What weight?

You want to drive out to weewaw point?

Weewaw point?

You're out of your mind

If you think I'm going parking with you.

I don't even know you.

Well, I don't know you either,

But, uh...

I don't consider that an impediment.

Uh, you had a little something

On your little thing there.

Dance!

Dance on your butt, blondie.

Oops! My foot slipped.

Woo! Woo!

Yeah, well, she thought she was the bee's knees

Till she landed flat on her butt.

I can't wait until

You win miss Sun Queen tomorrow.

Big Bob will about die when you waltz off

With Jimmy Valentine.

Nadine, you really think I could win miss Sun Queen?

I got news.

You're gonna lose.

Hey, your roots are showing!

Leave me alone!

Oh! Oh!

Melaina!

Melaina!

Chip, grab the bar. We're gonna make like a tree and leave.

I'm not going anywhere with you.

Well, don't play hard to get.

You might miss something.

Ah!

In the name of decency,

I'll beg you to stop.

Oh!

Hey, Carson!

Wait, wait, wait, y'all.

Where are y'all going?

Wait! Wait!

Boho son of a bitch,

I'm gonna get you!

Wait! Wait!

This is the most fun!

That carpet-bagging slut!

They're going to weewaw point.

Oh, good.

Girl, you make me think.

Who is that twerp behind us?

Oh, must be old four-Eyes.

Don't let her catch us!

Wait! Where you going?

Bye bye, birdie!

Heh heh heh!

Wait for me! Wait!

Oh!

Are you going to behave?

Sorry. Sorry.

I'm sorry. I won't touch you again.

This isn't scary, is it?

No. You'll be fine.

You got to give this thing a name.

Greeny?

Like Herman or something.

Herman? Yeah.

Herman? Ah!

You can shag with him because I don't know how.

If anybody I know sees me riding this,

I'm gonna be so embarrassed.

This is Chip Guillyard.

Be quiet! Chip guillyard!

Oh, no.

Ah! Wilmington, Delaware.

Once I got Hartford, Connecticut.

You did not.

I did, too!

Really? I did.

Been up north?

No, I haven't. Buzz is going to go to Yale, though.

Oh. Oh.

Ah! This is the most fun.

You're a little tiger, ain't you?

I'm a christian.

Hey! Hey, come on, you little bitch!

Oh! Stop!

I swear, I think you're really nice,

But it's against my religion.

I think you're nice, too.

Don't act like a schoolgirl.

Ha ha ha!

Aah!

Boho son of a bitch!

Nadine, what the hell are you...

come on!

Aah!

You think you can just waltz right into town

Out of nowhere and take over?

Don't get that crap all over my car!

Oh!

Suette, would you quit?

Suette, come over here and help me out.

Let me go!

Ha ha ha!

I'm gonna kill you.

Oh, you're having fun now,

Doesn't she look lovely?

Woo!

Now, this is the most fun.

Fast eddy goes in the bar.

He looks around. He sees the same girl.

It's 8:00 in the morning, and this girl's got a drink in her fist.

Carson, sugar, are you OK?

I'm fine.

Now, this girl is very cool.

She's got this quality...

like she's better than him.

So they shoot the breeze,

And she says, uh...

"I'm the emancipated type.

"Real emancipated. "

Newman says,

"How about I get us a bottle?"

She says, "no. "

He says, "a fifth of scotch?"

She says, "what do you want me to do,

"Just step out in the alley? Is that it?"

They get the bottle.

And they're at the door and she says, "why me?"

Oh, I forgot to tell you, she's got a limp.

You don't notice until she steps up at the bar.

She has a limp?

Yeah, but like I say, she's got this quality...

this sex quality.

The limp really doesn't matter.

So newman just starts making out with her

against the door.

She pushes him off.

"You're too hungry. "

Newman takes the bottle...

slips it under her arm,

and just walks away.

You want some more fries?

Yeah. I'll go with you.

OK.

See you later.

I take it you didn't like the hustler.

I wasn't allowed to see that picture show.

Look...

I'm sorry I made you go on that ride.

I didn't know you were gonna throw up.

I accept your apology.

And I'm sorry I got fresh with you, too.

I mean it.

You must be fed up

With guys falling all over you all the time.

You're so pretty.

Actually...

I've never really dated anyone

except Harley.

My fianci.

I guess I'm just not used to...

well...

Harley is, um...

he's very...

levelheaded.

Well...

that's important.

Yes.

Yes.

I'm a very lucky girl.

You know...

in my opinion...

marriage...

is just a legal form of prostitution.

Melaina!

Melaina.

Daddy?

Come on.

No. I'm really not any good.

Just try it.

I can't. Everybody's looking at me.

Nobody's looking at you.

You are.

Try it.

You're so much better than me.

Chip guillyard,

If you don't shag with me, I'm gonna ask somebody else.

Get away from me.

Ok. I'm going.

All right. All right.

OK. Ready?

OK. Get into it.

Totally relax. Ready?

Yeah. I'm sorry. See? I told you.

Just dance!

Come on!

Don't step on my foot.

1 and 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

Count.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

You're not like anybody I've ever met.

Well, you are like every girl I've ever met.

You're stuck-up, tight-assed,

And conventional.

Don't you swear in front of me!

Maybe I don't believe

In practicing free love.

Who does?

I do.

You know what, Chip? What?

You're full of shit.

I am not.

This is the most fun.

I don't think we should talk anymore.

Fine.

We won't talk anymore.

"I just came here to play pool, fats. "

He left me like a dog on the highway.

Melaina, you know better

than to go off with white trash like Big Bob.

I'm gonna show those girls.

Oh, will you look at my nails?

What's Jimmy Valentine gonna think?

Jimmy Valentine?

He's judging the miss Sun Queen contest tomorrow.

Oh!

Well, you tell them to carry you back home

Right this minute.

Harley, don't be mad about Myrtle Beach.

They had a change of plans.

No, I'm not drunk.

I only had half a beer-

A beer and a half.

You wanna stay?

I- I don't know.

I'm just so confused.

They were all acting so crazy.

Well, where was Luanne all this time?

We all just ate some hamburgers, Harley.

Nothing happened.

I just wanted to let you know that I was ok.

I love you. Bye.

Pudge?

Chip!

Hi. Good morning.

Hi.

Oh!

I hope I'm not too early.

Why, no!

No!

Aah!

Get out.

Get out!

Don't you want to go fishin'?

It's fun.

Like I'd really go fishing with you, Buzz Ravenel.

Look...

I hope you know

That nothing is going to happen between us.

Well, I'm glad

You said something first.

I think we should just be friends.

What do you think you're doing?

Practicing my talent for miss Sun Queen contest.

I think I'm gonna win.

Wait a minute.

1 and 2, 3 and 4.

5, 6, 7, 8.

1 and 2. Lean.

Ha!

Are you ok?

"Yankees in Tara?

"Well... I won't think about it now.

"I'll think about it tomorrow. "

"As God is my witness,

"They're not gonna lick me.

"I'm gonna lie and steal

"And cheat and kill!

"I'll never be hungry-"

Melaina. Melaina. Melaina.

This is a very famous speech.

I did it for maid of cotton.

Remember when I won?

Carson did it for junior miss... 'course, she lost,

But if you don't get the words right,

The judges are gonna know.

I still think I'm better off

With modern ballet.

Modern ballet is trashy looking.

The couch! The couch!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

Chip, you and me

Ought to be on american bandstand.

I think you have to be Italian.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

Now, what would Scarlett O'Hara think

Of you doin' "as God is my witness"

In a polka-Dot bikini?

Here.

Now, you wear my mama's hoop skirt.

I know how to win this thing.

Why, Melaina, it is bad manners to think about winning.

Look, I'm not going to college like some people,

And I'm sure as hell not marrying

Any damn Ralston,

and I ain't gonna die

in a parish house in Spartanburg, South Carolina.

Thank you.

Luanne, I'm as pretty

As any of those girls in hollywood.

This is my chance.

Jimmy Valentine's gonna discover me today,

and it ain't gonna be

In your mama's hoop skirt.

Would you at least consider

Wearing my one-Piece bathing suit?

And now here's the weather forecast.

Sunny and hot...

... Ordered the school doors kept shut.

Here's a good one.

"Experience speaks out.

"Is the twist dangerous?"

And this reader writes,

"I threw out my hip doing the twist

"And was in the hospital.

"My parents have banned the twist forever. "

What a doofus.

"Are you experienced?

"Have you ever been naked with a boy

"In a swimming pool?"

Don't read that!

"Have you ever petted in a car? Front seat or back?"

What is this?

It's... it's just a joke.

"Have you ever kissed

"For more than 20 minutes without stopping?"

Have you?

Then he finished up at Carolina,

and his daddy put him right in the front office.

Guess it's kind of expected by his family.

I mean, "Ralston,"

You just naturally think tobacco.

He's already got some ideas about improving filter tips.

What about you?

What are your plans?

I figure I'll bum around Italy or somewheres.

Look at statues and pick up women.

That's a lofty aspiration.

It's a damn sight better than manufacturing cigarettes

for your daddy.

At least Harley is doing something with his life.

Harley is a trained seal.

I don't care how rich he is.

I don't think you're gonna marry him.

You are the rudest person I have ever met.

Well, that's probably true.

Beevo?

I don't drink in the middle of the day.

Well, you sure have a lot of rules for yourself,

Don't you, Carson?

Would you kindly put your shirt back on?

No.

"Number 9. Have you ever french-kissed at a party

"With a boy you didn't know?

No.

"10. Have you ever been to second base,

"On which number date?"

No.

No?

No!

Why not?

Boys don't think about me like that.

"11... "

Um, "have you ever said I love you to a boy?"

Rub a little on my back, OK?

Carson, have I laid a finger on you today?

No.

Mmm. You've got a nice touch, Carson.

Why'd you say I wasn't gonna marry Harley?

I'm not gonna tell you.

Why not?

'Cause you'll deny it.

If you think I'd ever be interested

in somebody like you,

you're wrong.

So marry Harley.

"17. Have you ever been frenched in the ear?"

Yes.

"18. Have you ever frenched a girl in the ear?"

Yes.

My God, Chip, who'd you do all this with?

Nobody.

Ebby Gainsley.

The only reason why I did it is because...

she only went out with me

Because she had the hots for Buzz.

Huh!

No, it's true.

She wanted me to tell Buzz she was fast.

So did you tell him?

No, I didn't.

No? You didn't?

No.

No.

What's your real name?

Pudge.

No. Your real name.

It's horrible. It's so spazz.

Tell me.

Caroline.

That's pretty.

Ow!

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

"Number 20.

"Have you ever gone all the way?"

Not yet.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Jimmy, will you sign your autograph?

Mr. Jimmy Valentine!

Oh, Pudge!

I'm sorry.

Uh-Oh!

Don't you think Melaina's the cutest girl here, Carson?

I want my bikini. I do.

Jimmy Valentine is gonna flake out.

Melaina, he's gonna fall in love with you.

I want my bikini.

No.

I want-

Take me home right now.

I've got to get my bikini.

No, Melaina. No.

I look like a joke! You look gorgeous.

Now, Melaina, listen to me.

She's just got butterflies.

You remember what they told us at maid of cotton?

"This is not a parade of flesh. "

Others may cheapen themselves,

but you, Melaina,

you are a flower of the south.

Ha ha ha!

Yay, Melaina!

Oh, that poor girl.

Roberta MacLaine!

Wasn't she wonderful?

Whoo!

Those girls look like harlots.

Jimmy Valentine would never pick any of them.

Yay! Yay, Melaina!

Way to go!

Hi. My name is Melaina Buller.

I'm 18, and...

my talent is dramatic interpretation.

"Yankees in Tara?

"Well, I won't think about it now.

"As God is my witness...

"as God is my witness,

"They're not gonna lick me...

"yet.

"As God is my witness,

"If I have to lie or steal

"Or cheat or kill...

"I'll never be hungry again!

"Oh!"

Yippee!

Yay, Melaina!

Hooray!

Yay, Melaina!

She was good. Wasn't she?

Oh, my God. Harley.

Where?

There he is!

Now, number 13...

Quick! Quick! Let's go!

It's Harley! Let's go!

What's he doing here?

Before he sees us!

Harley!

Harley!

Are you nuts? Come back!

Hide me! Hide me!

You're all deserting Melaina.

Who's oh-my-God Harley?

Her fiance.

Holy pajamas.

Well, Harley Ralston!

Whatever brings you to Myrtle Beach?

Thanks for all your help, Luanne.

I couldn't have lost without you.

Did y'all let Carson get intoxicated?

No, Harley-

What are you doing here?

Where's Carson and Buzz?

Buzz-

Buzz?

Who's Buzz?

Buzz is...

her uncle. Our maid.

Old Buzzy the maid.

Carson had an awful headache...

let's go.

Throbbing and pounding.

And I guess Melaina called Buzzy

To carry Carson back to the house.

Right, Melaina?

Come on.

Ok, so let's go to the house.

No, Harley!

Let's go to edisto's and get some ice cream first.

Baby, I gotta ask you to sign a couple of papers, here.

You can put your arm around him,

But not below his waist.

I know, you're not that kind of girl, right?

There goes my dream date with Jimmy Valentine, Luanne.

He's already given her a Hollywood contract.

Luanne, you and Pudge quick run over

And get Jimmy Valentine and tell him

To come back to the house with us.

Are you crazy?

Tell him- tell him your daddy, the senator,

Wants him to sing at the White House.

Quick, before that slut gets in the car.

I'm not going to do any such thing.

Luanne, damn it, you made me lose miss Sun Queen,

But I'm not going to lose Jimmy Valentine, too.

Now, you owe it to me.

And you better get over there quick

Or we're never gonna speak to you again.

Right, Pudge?

Right.

Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy!

Excuse me.

Do you mind?

I am a nurse, and this is an emergency.

Excuse me.

Hi! I'm thrilled to meet you.

I'm Luanne Clatterbuck.

My daddy, senator Buford S. Clatterbuck

Asked me to cordially invite you

Over to the house for a cocktail with the family.

Right now.

Uh... I can't.

I'm supposed to do this promotional thing.

Oh, well, it's gonna be a great party.

Everyone's gonna be shagging.

Yeah, beach music.

My manager's like a priest, man.

You think I get to go to parties?

Aah!

Will there be, like, girls there?

Girls?

This is the grand strand. Myrtle Beach.

Wild!

Wild.

It's not a party-

There'll be a band and everything.

Are you sure you can't come?

Carson, y'all aren't eloping?

I'm going back to Spartanburg tonight with Harley.

Harley's so square, he's got corners.

What's wrong with Buzz? He's a sweet potato.

They're here!

Carson, tell me quick- some Jimmy Valentine things.

You know, favorite color, favorite perfume.

Jimmy Valentine's not down there.

Honey, Luanne got him.

Red? Blue?

Jimmy Valentine in this house?

So is Harley.

Blue. It's definitely blue.

Pudge, run downstairs and get Jimmy Valentine a drink.

Buzz... I can't bring myself

To hurt a decent, God-fearing boy

Like Harley Ralston.

Would you object if I check on my little Carson?

She's asleep, Harley. She had a real bad headache.

Where we going?

Which room, Luanne?

I don't know.

Call her, Harley.

Sugar pie.

Ha ha ha.

The senator regrets that he has been detained

By a very, very important phone call from Washington.

I think it's Jacqueline Bouvier herself.

Lemonade?

Uh... nah.

Scotch and water would be fine.

Man...

look at that fish.

Look at the expression in his...

eye.

He knows it's over.

Man, I dig parties the most.

Ow!

When's the band get here?

There's no answer at Carson's house.

Well, then, I'm calling the police.

No, Harley, there's absolutely no need to call the police-

You know what?

She took the bus back to Spartanburg.

She wouldn't be there yet.

She missed you so bad,

She jumped right on that bus and went home.

She went back to Spartanburg on a bus?

In the middle of the night, unescorted?

She's left all her clothes up there.

She could have gone for a swim.

Hey.

A swim?

I saw you in, um...

you were great in... that movie.

Um...

what was it called?

Elvis is over, man.

I mean, I mean, look at the guy's face.

He's desperate.

I never get to do jackshit, man.

Like, this is the first real party I've ever been to.

Huh.

So what I want to know, cool daddy,

Is where are the girls?

Terribly sorry I'm late.

She looks great!

Those are my mama's clothes.

Does anyone feel like dancing?

She'll do.

Chip, why do you tell lies?

About what?

You can shag.

Yeah, but I never liked it until now.

Hey, what would you say if I asked you a question?

What kind of question?

Do you want to go in that shag contest

With me tomorrow?

You don't 'cause I'm not good enough, right?

Well, that's OK.

I just thought- No, no.

I just thought you were going to ask me something else.

Like what?

Nothing.

Hey. Don't you worry about Carson one more minute.

She's fine.

She's just got a case of the nerves.

I'd be nervous, too, if I was about to marry you.

Really?

Uh-Huh.

Listen, do you mind if I split?

Uh, like, I've seen bigger parties in a telephone booth.

I need action, baby.

I dig it the most.

You got to get some people over here.

Don't you have any friends?

Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus!

It's a P.J. Party.

Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus!

Purple Jesus! Purple Jesus!

Put on a record, somebody!

Purple Jesus!

Get out of my house!

Put him down, you ape!

You'll break him!

Aaah!

Hey, y'all are ruining...

Oh, no, Harley, what am I gonna do?

Want me to call the police?

No! They'll tell my daddy.

No, please, don't call the police.

Aaah!

Take off your shoes.

Take them off!

All right.

I can't believe I'm making out with Jimmy Valentine.

Are these your friends?

Um, well, one- He...

he...

only one of them.

Ow!

I know that-No.

Oh, my Jesus Lord!

Melaina!

Aah! Get out!

Aah!

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Oh, thank you, Harley.

"J.T.S. Brown.

"No ice, no glass. "

Gator!

It's raining.

Um, Buzz says you get drunk a lot faster

If you use a star-

A straw.

Want some potato Chips?

No.

Oh!

Oh!

Nice trick.

What else can you do?

"Hey, Rocky, watch me

"Pull a rabbit out of my hat. "

Oh! Do it again.

No. I can't.

Yeah. Do it again.

"Hey, Rocky, watch me

"Pull a rabbit out of my hat. "

They're gonna pay, all right.

This one's for you, four-eyes.

Goddamn rich bitches!

Dying cockroach!

You are ruining the floor. Now get up!

Get up! Get up!

Get up! Get up!

Oh! Let go. Let go!

Aah! Ooh!

Oh, what the hell?

Not bad.

Did you know that

I'm going off to the United States naval academy

in Annapolis in a couple days?

No.

Yeah.

I'm gonna be a marine.

Anyway, I was telling Buzz

that, well, I was really hoping

that I'd fall in love with a girl this summer,

so as I'd have someone to write to.

Oh, Chip!

Only, you know what I just realized?

I don't have to fall in love with anybody.

I can just write to you.

It's not like writing to a girl or nothing.

I mean, with you, I can really be myself,

And I'm not afraid of what you'll think of me.

Luanne...

your eyes are...

emerald green.

Buzz.

Buzz, I can't.

Oh, I can't.

It's wrong.

Well, I'm not gonna force you,

Even if you want me to.

Buzz...

I can't go around

Sleeping with every boy that likes me.

Carson...

don't you know we'll remember this

For the rest of our lives?

Just don't tell anybody, OK?

Hey!

Oh.

Hey, you want to go for a little cruise?

I can't feel my teeth.

Luanne, how...

how come we never talked to each other before?

I think you are really...

really cool.

Oh!

Oh, my God!

Harley!

Harley, I think somebody's been here.

Oh! Oh!

I see! Oh!

Elvira, what are you doing here?

I come to open the house up for the senator,

On account of him and your mama

Are arriving on the noon plane.

Did you see all the mess?

Alex, where's my shoe?

Y'all get out!

Get up and get out!

Move on out of here!

See you later.

Oooh.

I thought it might interest you to know

That my parents might be arriving any minute.

Now here. You wear these. Come on, now.

Go, go, go!

Are you...

are you... fuzzy?

You shut your filthy mouth.

All right. Where is he?

Oh, God. What are you doing?

Easy.

I think I'm blind.

Wait! Jimmy, Jimmy, write down my phone number.

Come on. Come on. Come on, huh?

Huh?

You see that? Do you see this?

I got 10 grand in that mouth.

It's gorgeous.

You should have teeth like this.

You ever see a chin like that?

It's like art, like sculpture.

3 grand.

Singing lessons.

The kid has got a wardrobe

Makes Liz Taylor look like a cleaning lady.

I'm talking about investment, all right?

So don't think I'm gonna let

Some piece of dixie ass parade in here

and crap all over my dream.

Let's go. Come on.

I know!

Let's you and me pick them up at the airport.

You and me are in Fort Sumter.

Whose is this?

Carson. Oh, my God. Carson.

What am I gonna tell Harley?

Tell him you're in love with me.

He'd never believe that.

Oh, God. I wish Harley would die.

It would be so much easier.

I didn't mean that.

It's terrible.

Tell him you're going to college.

With you?

Crazy, girls don't go to Yale.

But there's loads of women's colleges around there.

That's how Yale gets around

not letting any females in.

All the girls from these other schools

come over on weekends.

I mean, they don't expect Yale men

To go 4 years without sex.

You want me to go all the way up there

To a yankee school

Just so I can come over every weekend

And practice free love with you.

Well, not every weekend.

Aah!

I can't find 'em anywhere.

Chip, where do you think Buzz would go?

We better start calling motels.

Motels? Oh, my God!

If daddy's little girl is your daddy's yacht, Luanne,

I hope you know there's somebody down there on it.

They're not in the attic.

Thank you for reporting

That there's somebody on the yacht, Harley.

Chip, come take Harley up to the senator's study

And show him daddy's collection

Of confederate uniform buttons.

Buttons?

Maybe I better call Carson.

There's one that's got some blood on it.

Go take a peek.

What buttons?

What happened?

Nothing.

We had a party.

What happened to you?

Did you go all the way?

Oh, my God.

Oh!

Are you sure?

You poor thing. Here, put your feet up, OK?

What did it feel like?

Don't ask her that!

Wait, wait. Did it hurt?

Melaina!

You must really love him.

I hate him to death.

He attacked her. I knew it!

No. He didn't attack me.

I let him.

Y'all...

I'm wild.

Guess I've been wild all along.

I just didn't know it till now.

Way out!

Y'all think I should throw Harley over?

Yes!

It's only fair.

It's liable to kill him.

He'll get over it, I know.

Pudge, go get Harley, OK? He's upstairs.

Wait!

Don't y'all think I better marry somebody?

I mean, I am way out of control.

So marry Buzz.

I wouldn't marry Buzz Ravenel

If he were the last man in the free world.

Beevo?

You rape artist.

I only want to talk to her.

Jeez.

Hello, Harley.

Hi.

Hi, Harley.

Who are you?

Buzz Ravenel. It's nice to meet you.

Maid, huh?

Buzz is, uh- He's-

He's Luanne's boyfriend.

He is not!

Oh, Luanne.

Don't deny our love.

If Luanne asks where I went,

tell her I'm on a manhunt.

What are you doing in mrs. Clatterbuck's closet?

Looking for my ticket to Hollywood.

Why the face?

Melaina, what am I gonna do?

I love him so much I feel sick.

He acts like I'm his pen pal.

You spent the last 24 hours with him.

What more do you want?

I want him to feel like I feel.

Does this look like a birthmark?

Remember in forever amber

When they were on the balcony?

I want him to take me in his arms

and crush me with passion.

There's only one way to catch a boy like Chip.

Make yourself look irresistible,

and act like you can't stand him.

And be nice.

And above all, do not bring them to this house

until we've left for Spartanburg.

Well, what about the shag contest?

That's it. That's a good idea.

You take them to the shag contest.

No, I ain't taking them to the shag contest.

I was supposed to be in the shag contest with Pudge.

Don't be stupid.

You can't take Pudge to the shag contest.

I'm taking her back to Spartanburg with me.

Well, what if they don't want to go to the shag contest?

I don't care. You take them there anyway.

Nobody wants to get married, OK?

Go, go, go!

I don't especially feel like getting married myself.

That's no reason to call off a wedding.

My daddy's invited half the state.

Don't test me, Carson.

Pudge?

Caroline?

Don't be a moron. He's only knocked once.

Perfume should linger.

Caroline?

Pudge?

Be cruel.

What do you want?

Um, gosh...

blue.

Um.

I guess you're leaving and everything.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry

We didn't get to enter the shag contest together, and-

Well, I was thinking maybe I'd come down from Annapolis-

I wouldn't shag with you

If you were the last man in the free world.

Now, wait about 5 minutes,

And go offer him a chance to apologize.

Chip? Oh, Chip? Where is he?

I sent him to pick up my folks.

Is he coming back here?

Of course not. He's gone, Pudge.

Now, hurry. And go change your clothes.

We're leaving now.

Buford, what are we doing

in this contraption?

Sir, let me ask you something.

In my experience with girls,

I've found that as soon as a girl

knows you're in love with her,

she starts treating you just like a dirtball.

You found that to be true, sir?

Every time, son. Every time.

I tried to be so cool this time.

Just like Buzz.

I never let on I was crazy about her,

like I definitely was not in love with her.

But she knew.

She looked right into my mind and she knew.

This boy is crazy.

Son, did your supervisor

tell you where to take us?

Because we're running real, real late here.

...directly to the pavilion.

Uh...

But there's a shag contest at the pavilion, sir.

Yeah. We're guests of the Mayor.

We're the judges.

We'd have been in that shag contest

If she didn't... if she hadn't...

if she didn't...

did you attempt a familiarity with this young lady?

No, sir!

I'm a southern gentleman, sir.

Recently accepted

at the United States naval academy at Annapolis.

Annapolis?

Well, I'm an Annapolis man myself, son.

Really, sir?

Say, you know, I got a tie exactly like that.

This is intimate.

Let me out.

What are you doing with that guy?

I'm insulted.

He's completely wrong for you.

You don't know me. You don't love me.

You sure as all damn don't want to marry me.

So why don't you leave me the hell alone?

I don't think I can.

Hah! That's my mama's dress.

Take that off right now!

Melaina Buller, you take every stitch of this

Off your body!

You see if I ever invite you to Hollywood.

Everything's in the car, Luanne.

I left your keys in the ignition.

Thank you, Harley.

I wish everyone was as considerate as you.

I thought it would be so sweet-

One last fling together...

best friends...

those selfish little twerps.

I wish Carson was half as mature

As you, Luanne.

You're a great person.

I keep telling myself

It'll be different after we get married,

but what if it isn't?

Follow your heart.

Y'all is the horniest bunch of white folks

I ever seen.

Luanne, I'll be right back.

Don't be mad.

No!

Oh, no!

Oh! You Judas!

Don't worry, Luanne.

My T-Bird can catch a Cadillac any day.

Son of a bitch!

Are you coming in?

No. There's no point now.

I got to get back.

Luanne will be mad.

Well, thanks for the lift.

I'll write you from California.

Good luck with Jimmy Valentine.

Jimmy Valentine?

Pudge, he's small potatoes.

I love you, Melaina.

Me, too.

Oh, Melaina, you forgot...

Where have I seen you before?

Maybe in one of your better dreams.

"Don't stop!"

You're a great crowd.

We want you to enjoy your dance contest.

Big dan and the sand dollars will be back.

Right now,

Let's give a warm Myrtle Beach welcome

To the judges of the 1963 sun fun shag contest.

Come on. Let's hear it.

Senator and mrs. Clatterbuck.

Also, let's have a round of applause

For our celebrity guest, mr. Jimmy Valentine.

Clear the floor, please, for couple number one-

Skinny and sissie danvers.

"Hey, Rocky, want to see me

"Pull a rabbit out of my hat?"

You came back.

And next, the popular...

Jack and Ettie Stroos from Georgetown.

Who's that old couple?

They're famous. They're varsity.

They win every year.

Not this year.

Maude...

that young man there,

Isn't he our driver?

Yes. And isn't the girl like Pudge?

"Carmichael. "

Huh. Why she's Lamar and Emmie's daughter.

Heavens, no. Pudge is fat.

She's pretty. She must be a first cousin.

Way to go, varsity!

Jack and Ettie Stroos, ladies and gentlemen.

And now, Nadine Thibideau and Big Bob Conway

From Myrtle Beach.

Move it, fat ass!

Go play in the traffic, liver lips.

An associate of mine is putting together

kind of a teen thing, uh.

Music, dance...

calls it shindig.

I think you got something, kid.

It's kind ofa Mona Lisa quality.

You really think so?

Oh, yeah.

We're rooting for you, Spartanburg...

and Myrtle Beach.

Thank you.

Is everything OK, Melaina?

I'm having the most fun.

Does anybody see the car?

No. No. I don't see it.

Come on, now. We'll try the pad.

Stop!

Son of a bitch!

Finally, couple number 12-

Caroline Carmichael from Spartanburg

and Chip Guillyard from Myrtle Beach.

Don't go in there! They're already here.

Now, we have to think of a lie.

Hey, everybody, look at Pudge!

A 10?

Excuse me.

A 10? Are you sure?

Wait! Luanne!

Come back. They'll see you!

What does it matter, Luanne?

Your folks obviously know Pudge.

I'm gonna tell them Pudge went crazy,

And that she ran off from us,

And we didn't know what to do.

So we called the police.

And the police tracked her here

to Myrtle Beach.

Luanne, why don't we just go up there

and say, "this was our last weekend together,

"And we didn't feel like going to Fort Sumter

"And touring Goddamn colonial homes

"We wanted to go to the beach and meet boys

"And go to wild parties and dance"?

I mean, why can't we tell them the truth?

I'll tell my parents the truth

When you tell Harley the truth.

I can't marry you, Harley.

I'm in love with Buzz.

They-They went all the way!

Son of a bitch!

We have a unanimous decision.

The winners of the 1963 sun fun

shag contest...

couple number 12!

Now, that was the most fun.

They were awful.

'Course the girls had their hearts set on Fort Sumter,

But I pleaded with them.

I said, "y'all must come down to Myrtle Beach,

"And we'll surprise your folks. "

I'm so glad you did.

Uh-Uh.

I don't like apples.

So after basic training's done,

I want to get commissioned for Camp Pendleton.

Where's that?

It's in California.

And from there, I can go anywhere.

Harley, I've always disapproved

of tobacco use.

To tell you the truth, so do I.

You don't own anything like a winter coat,

Do you?

I might.

It gets cold in new haven at Thanksgiving.

What would I want to go to new haven for?

Beevo?