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1
00:00:06,836 --> 00:00:09,008
Hey, watch where the [bleep]
you going.
2
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:11,513
- Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
- Oh.
3
00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:14,415
I didn't see you had
a baby there, man.
4
00:00:14,483 --> 00:00:16,788
I'm sorry. I ain't trying
to fight nobody with a baby.
5
00:00:19,238 --> 00:00:21,443
Yeah, h-hell yeah,
you won't.
6
00:00:22,409 --> 00:00:23,996
Pfft.
7
00:00:26,698 --> 00:00:29,205
- Lucky mother[bleep].
- Oh, yeah?
8
00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:31,414
Well, you're lucky
I'm carrying this baby.
9
00:00:31,501 --> 00:00:32,821
What's up with that?
10
00:00:33,348 --> 00:00:35,512
Look, man, you need
to move on, all right?
11
00:00:35,530 --> 00:00:37,531
I already told you
I'm not gonna fight you.
12
00:00:37,553 --> 00:00:39,926
Huh.
That's what I thought, punk.
13
00:00:39,994 --> 00:00:41,367
- Psh.
- You wanna go?
14
00:00:41,415 --> 00:00:42,798
'cause we can go
right now, dog.
15
00:00:42,819 --> 00:00:44,022
What's goin' on, brother?
16
00:00:44,089 --> 00:00:45,467
Man, what the hell
are you doing, man?
17
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,040
What, what, what?
You tr... what, what?
18
00:00:47,108 --> 00:00:48,343
Tryin' to bo...
I can bob and weave it.
19
00:00:48,386 --> 00:00:49,456
- What?
- You bitch-ass,
20
00:00:49,472 --> 00:00:50,909
punk-ass mother[bleep],
let's go.
21
00:00:50,944 --> 00:00:52,063
Come on, man.
Come on.
22
00:00:52,063 --> 00:00:53,728
No, no, don't look at your boys.
Look at me, man.
23
00:00:53,744 --> 00:00:54,846
Don't look at your b...
24
00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:55,900
Ow.
25
00:00:56,711 --> 00:00:58,089
Oh, okay,
you think you hard.
26
00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,177
All right,
but you know what?
27
00:00:59,244 --> 00:01:02,884
I'ma show you what time it is
right now. Okay? Slap me.
28
00:01:02,914 --> 00:01:04,792
I'm just... right?
How 'bout this, huh?
29
00:01:04,852 --> 00:01:06,647
Now what you gonna do, huh?
Now what you gonna do?
30
00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,252
You ready?
'cause we can do it right now.
31
00:01:08,262 --> 00:01:09,512
'cause I could take you out,
man.
32
00:01:09,525 --> 00:01:10,176
You're nothing...
Aaah...
33
00:01:10,369 --> 00:01:11,439
Ow!
34
00:01:11,457 --> 00:01:13,729
Oh! Oof.
35
00:01:14,254 --> 00:01:14,908
Okay.
36
00:01:14,951 --> 00:01:16,220
Oh, it's on now.
37
00:01:16,237 --> 00:01:17,407
That's... yep.
38
00:01:17,450 --> 00:01:19,220
You dead.
You dead.
39
00:01:20,709 --> 00:01:21,945
Excuse me, I need this.
40
00:01:22,163 --> 00:01:23,266
Yeah.
41
00:01:24,254 --> 00:01:26,191
Necesito un bebe.
42
00:01:26,192 --> 00:01:27,090
- Gracias.
43
00:01:35,872 --> 00:01:36,390
Listen.
44
00:01:36,925 --> 00:01:37,960
What the...
45
00:01:38,405 --> 00:01:41,044
What now, man?
What now?
46
00:01:41,104 --> 00:01:42,307
Let's go.
47
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:46,059
You know what?
It's not even worth it, man.
48
00:01:46,162 --> 00:01:48,344
Ahh, ha ha.
49
00:01:48,402 --> 00:01:49,838
That's what I thought!
50
00:01:49,906 --> 00:01:51,142
So keep walking!
51
00:01:51,186 --> 00:01:52,956
Oh. Okay, that's vomit.
52
00:01:53,325 --> 00:01:54,193
That is vomit.
53
00:01:55,237 --> 00:01:56,368
Oh, dear.
54
00:02:18,501 --> 00:02:19,669
You know what's going on.
55
00:02:19,738 --> 00:02:20,774
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
56
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,113
- Thank you!
- Oh, yeah.
57
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,182
Hello!
58
00:02:29,855 --> 00:02:32,001
Good evening.
I am Keegan-Michael Key.
59
00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:33,825
- I am Jordan Peele.
- And we are Key and Peele.
60
00:02:33,825 --> 00:02:35,463
- Key and Peele.
- Thank you for coming out.
61
00:02:36,388 --> 00:02:38,715
That's our names.
62
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,513
All right.
63
00:02:40,531 --> 00:02:42,177
So one thing that is true
64
00:02:42,213 --> 00:02:44,584
is that I would never, uh,
last in a gang.
65
00:02:44,684 --> 00:02:45,719
- Nor would I.
- No.
66
00:02:45,738 --> 00:02:46,852
Nor would I,
not for one moment.
67
00:02:46,921 --> 00:02:49,842
I mean, I don't get
the whole hand sign thing.
68
00:02:49,859 --> 00:02:51,062
- Mm-hmm.
- I'd be throwing up,
69
00:02:51,203 --> 00:02:53,042
"Hey, live long and prosper,
mother[bleep]."
70
00:02:53,110 --> 00:02:54,171
You know?
71
00:02:54,698 --> 00:02:56,537
- That's what I got.
- I...
72
00:02:56,556 --> 00:02:58,493
I would be too concerned
about the colors.
73
00:02:58,541 --> 00:02:59,963
- Right.
- I would just be too c...
74
00:02:59,976 --> 00:03:01,437
I would... 'cause I don't
understand the colors.
75
00:03:01,437 --> 00:03:02,868
I don't understand
the rhyme or the reason.
76
00:03:02,868 --> 00:03:04,878
Now, Bloods...
I get that one.
77
00:03:05,321 --> 00:03:06,916
Why are Crips blue?
78
00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,346
Is that a arbitrary choice?
Is there a Crip in the house?
79
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:12,352
Nobody? Nobody?
80
00:03:12,814 --> 00:03:14,016
I'm just... I'm just...
81
00:03:14,257 --> 00:03:15,867
Yes, ma'am, please.
Why are the Crips blue?
82
00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:17,012
She just r...
83
00:03:17,025 --> 00:03:19,398
"I'm a Crip.
I'm a Crip.
84
00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:21,299
"I'm a Crip.
Say somethin' else."
85
00:03:23,443 --> 00:03:25,114
- "Watch yourself."
- "Say somethin' else."
86
00:03:25,132 --> 00:03:26,737
"Watch
yourself.
87
00:03:26,781 --> 00:03:29,321
"'cause, [bleep],
I got three guns
88
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,742
on me right now."
89
00:03:39,465 --> 00:03:40,365
What? What? What?
90
00:03:40,433 --> 00:03:42,297
What? What? What?
Check yo'self,
91
00:03:42,314 --> 00:03:44,453
before I body pierce
your damn skull.
92
00:03:44,371 --> 00:03:46,540
Think you can pull that trigger
'fore I blow your personality
93
00:03:46,498 --> 00:03:47,527
out the back of yo' head?
94
00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:49,265
Then go right ahead
and test the hypothesis
95
00:03:49,431 --> 00:03:50,600
and see what happens.
96
00:03:50,642 --> 00:03:53,803
A'ight, I'ma give you
a straight-up vampire C-section,
97
00:03:53,868 --> 00:03:55,758
- like we was...
- Edward and Bella.
98
00:03:58,362 --> 00:04:01,107
Hold up.
You like Twilight?
99
00:04:01,121 --> 00:04:02,738
Yeah, I like Twilight,
[bleep].
100
00:04:03,946 --> 00:04:05,215
You like Twilight?
101
00:04:05,283 --> 00:04:07,687
[bleep], Twilight's
my jam.
102
00:04:08,572 --> 00:04:10,744
You a Edward [bleep]
or a Jacob [bleep]?
103
00:04:11,531 --> 00:04:13,101
Answer that [bleep]
together.
104
00:04:13,144 --> 00:04:15,419
- Three, two, one.
- Edward.
105
00:04:15,613 --> 00:04:17,618
- Shi...
- Shi...
106
00:04:18,006 --> 00:04:20,261
- Are you [bleep]ing with me?
- Are you [bleep]ing with me?
107
00:04:20,268 --> 00:04:21,968
You either playing
some [bleep]ed-up game,
108
00:04:21,968 --> 00:04:23,973
or you are straight-up
inside my head.
109
00:04:23,991 --> 00:04:25,901
Yo, and when you said
you was gonna blow
110
00:04:25,916 --> 00:04:27,921
my personality
out the back of my head,
111
00:04:27,965 --> 00:04:29,201
I'm like,
112
00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:31,176
"That sounds like some [bleep]
I would say."
113
00:04:31,594 --> 00:04:33,367
- Psh.
- And now this Twilight [bleep]?
114
00:04:33,382 --> 00:04:34,470
- It's wavelength, [bleep].
115
00:04:34,495 --> 00:04:37,162
- So I guess we friends then.
- Oh, we best friends now.
116
00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:38,583
We the best of friends!
117
00:04:38,583 --> 00:04:41,396
- BFFs?
- We are BFFs, M.F.
118
00:04:43,571 --> 00:04:47,287
♪ When I'm with you ♪
119
00:04:49,472 --> 00:04:53,175
♪ The world stops turning around ♪
120
00:04:53,324 --> 00:04:57,079
♪ When I'm with you ♪
121
00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:01,499
♪ Our feet are off the ground ♪
122
00:05:02,033 --> 00:05:05,562
♪ When I'm with you ♪
123
00:05:07,439 --> 00:05:10,665
♪ Trumpets start to sound ♪
124
00:05:10,864 --> 00:05:14,143
♪ When I'm with you ♪
125
00:05:16,176 --> 00:05:18,972
♪ It's Heaven
when you're around ♪
126
00:05:19,628 --> 00:05:21,683
♪ La, la, la, la... ♪
127
00:05:22,471 --> 00:05:23,517
No, you didn't!
128
00:05:24,209 --> 00:05:25,548
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did!
129
00:05:26,287 --> 00:05:28,314
That is a cra...
That's a crazy story, man.
130
00:05:31,224 --> 00:05:32,795
Whew, too much, boy.
131
00:05:47,658 --> 00:05:48,907
Team...
132
00:05:49,714 --> 00:05:52,154
Edward.
133
00:05:57,606 --> 00:05:59,275
Mm, mm, mm.
134
00:05:59,294 --> 00:06:02,681
Well, looks like
another gang-related killing.
135
00:06:04,341 --> 00:06:08,079
Surprise, sur-mother[bleep]-
prise.
136
00:06:13,420 --> 00:06:15,894
You guys remember the
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers?
137
00:06:17,350 --> 00:06:19,034
- Awful show.
- That show was crazy.
138
00:06:19,081 --> 00:06:21,186
It was, like, the worst editing
in the history of TV.
139
00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:22,265
Just bad sound effects.
140
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,319
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, I mean...
141
00:06:24,337 --> 00:06:26,442
When was the last time
you heard a hit sound like that?
142
00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:28,529
- That doesn't sound like any...
- No, never.
143
00:06:28,618 --> 00:06:30,055
No, I've never...
I've never heard that, yeah.
144
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,629
I love in kung fu movies,
and it, probably... it'd be like,
145
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:33,940
just the wind, just...
146
00:06:35,805 --> 00:06:37,312
And you just hear that noise.
147
00:06:41,148 --> 00:06:42,605
- No, you can't.
- Exactly, no, you can't do that.
148
00:06:45,546 --> 00:06:47,284
♪ Saving Earth from space ♪
149
00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:50,494
♪ Power Falcons! ♪
150
00:07:02,499 --> 00:07:04,604
Yellow Falcon,
what do your senses tell ya?
151
00:07:04,671 --> 00:07:05,974
Destructo is
a killing machine.
152
00:07:07,464 --> 00:07:09,829
His armor is impervious
to our blasters.
153
00:07:10,824 --> 00:07:12,169
You got any ideas,
Red Falcon?
154
00:07:12,186 --> 00:07:13,890
Sure do, Yellow Falcon.
155
00:07:13,932 --> 00:07:16,831
Blue Falcon, you remember
our battle at Dango Bluff?
156
00:07:17,101 --> 00:07:19,306
I'll take the legs,
you take the blasters.
157
00:07:19,325 --> 00:07:21,798
It was Beaver Creek,
and I took the legs.
158
00:07:22,314 --> 00:07:24,412
Make sure you shore up
that flank, Black Falcon.
159
00:07:24,755 --> 00:07:27,547
Um, are you talking to me?
160
00:07:27,665 --> 00:07:30,253
Because I'm
the Green Falcon.
161
00:07:30,902 --> 00:07:32,038
No time for that,
Black Falcon.
162
00:07:32,106 --> 00:07:33,275
Purple Falcon,
arm missiles!
163
00:07:33,792 --> 00:07:35,665
Roger that.
Arming missiles now.
164
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,086
Uh...
165
00:07:37,279 --> 00:07:39,178
Battle formations.
We're going in.
166
00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:40,161
- Hey.
- Roger that.
167
00:07:40,179 --> 00:07:41,016
- Hold up.
- Copy that.
168
00:07:41,031 --> 00:07:43,598
- Roger.
- My Falcon is green.
169
00:07:43,641 --> 00:07:45,145
Hey, hey, hey.
We can talk about
170
00:07:45,211 --> 00:07:47,752
our Falcon colors when we get
back to base, Black Falcon.
171
00:07:47,795 --> 00:07:49,398
Right now,
we got a mission to do.
172
00:07:49,541 --> 00:07:50,911
Fall into Falcon formation.
173
00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:56,879
Well, now, here's the issue
is that, you're gonna
174
00:07:56,879 --> 00:07:59,553
give me an order, I'm not gonna
know you're talking to me.
175
00:07:59,694 --> 00:08:01,761
'cause...I'm not
in a Black Falcon.
176
00:08:01,802 --> 00:08:03,726
Come on, chill it out,
Black Falcon.
177
00:08:03,769 --> 00:08:05,974
Yeah, Black Falcon,
relax.
178
00:08:06,043 --> 00:08:07,344
First of all,
I don't like the way
179
00:08:07,377 --> 00:08:08,538
you guys are saying "black."
180
00:08:08,857 --> 00:08:10,729
Second of all,
there is no Black Falcon!
181
00:08:10,897 --> 00:08:12,033
I'm Green Falcon!
182
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:14,006
Black Falcon, homie,
183
00:08:14,049 --> 00:08:16,087
no one's trying to get up
in your grill here.
184
00:08:16,105 --> 00:08:18,685
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't talk to me like that.
185
00:08:18,905 --> 00:08:21,110
No, don't say "grill"
like that.
186
00:08:21,203 --> 00:08:24,044
I'm the Green Falcon,
and I...
187
00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:26,468
Oh, stop being
so Black Falcon about it.
188
00:08:26,486 --> 00:08:28,224
What the [bleep]
do you mean by that?
189
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,037
Black Falcon, brother,
190
00:08:30,055 --> 00:08:31,559
I understand
what you're going through.
191
00:08:31,627 --> 00:08:33,864
Do you?
No, I don't think you do.
192
00:08:34,234 --> 00:08:37,128
How would you feel if
I called you Red Falcon, huh?
193
00:08:37,194 --> 00:08:38,296
Whoa!
194
00:08:38,313 --> 00:08:39,387
And Purple Falcon,
195
00:08:39,468 --> 00:08:43,245
how would you feel if I called
you Yellow Falcon, huh?
196
00:08:43,463 --> 00:08:45,233
- That's racist.
- That was racist.
197
00:08:45,276 --> 00:08:48,185
- Yeah, that's racist.
- Ooh, that is racist.
198
00:08:48,352 --> 00:08:49,619
That's racist?
199
00:08:49,772 --> 00:08:52,657
Oh, see, okay,
nope, forget it.
200
00:08:52,689 --> 00:08:54,660
Black Falcon out...
Green Falcon!
201
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,419
Green Falcon! Damn it!
202
00:08:57,794 --> 00:09:01,005
Hey! Why'd that Green Falcon
fall out of Falcon formation?
203
00:09:01,024 --> 00:09:03,563
Black Falcon,
get on that and report back.
204
00:09:03,881 --> 00:09:06,682
Black Falcon?
Black Falcon, come in.
205
00:09:06,825 --> 00:09:08,700
♪ Saving Earth from space ♪
206
00:09:08,742 --> 00:09:10,761
♪ Power Falcons! ♪
207
00:09:12,742 --> 00:09:16,284
You know what's ridiculous?
When people go to prison
208
00:09:16,503 --> 00:09:18,705
because they... they're trying
to cover for somebody else.
209
00:09:18,755 --> 00:09:20,192
- Yeah.
- Don't go to prison.
210
00:09:20,311 --> 00:09:22,851
If you... if you do...
if you didn't do the crime...
211
00:09:23,174 --> 00:09:25,312
Both: Don't do the time.
212
00:09:25,355 --> 00:09:26,382
It's true.
213
00:09:26,428 --> 00:09:27,974
And that's one to grow on.
214
00:09:30,939 --> 00:09:32,811
But, you know,
in prison they, you know...
215
00:09:32,878 --> 00:09:34,348
It's not worth anything.
216
00:09:34,417 --> 00:09:36,088
- No, it's not.
- It's not worth anything
217
00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:38,896
to just straight-up
get manhandled, and horseplayed,
218
00:09:38,964 --> 00:09:41,537
and monkeyed around.
No, you don't want any...
219
00:09:41,605 --> 00:09:43,308
- Eh, yeah, no.
- You don't want to have
220
00:09:43,323 --> 00:09:46,686
animal interactions
with another man behind bars.
221
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,234
I don't want
any rascally behavior.
222
00:09:48,256 --> 00:09:49,633
- I don't need...
- You don't want...
223
00:09:49,649 --> 00:09:52,002
everybody's undying respect
when I get out is not worth it.
224
00:09:52,071 --> 00:09:53,475
- No, and as a matter of fact...
- I don't care.
225
00:09:53,546 --> 00:09:55,249
you might not get
that undying respect...
226
00:09:55,264 --> 00:09:57,151
- Respect, yes.
- If, you know...
227
00:09:57,501 --> 00:09:59,893
when you fart it goes...
wooh... like a bottle.
228
00:09:59,961 --> 00:10:01,030
like a bottle.
229
00:10:01,098 --> 00:10:02,969
Like an empt...
230
00:10:06,614 --> 00:10:07,384
I'm sorry.
231
00:10:17,072 --> 00:10:19,787
Ma'am...
Breathe.
232
00:10:27,890 --> 00:10:30,018
Yo, man, you okay in here?
233
00:10:30,086 --> 00:10:32,492
Everyone on the outside
know you didn't talk.
234
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,632
We got mad respect
for you, dog.
235
00:10:34,699 --> 00:10:36,439
All right?
Mad respect.
236
00:10:37,488 --> 00:10:38,577
Yes.
237
00:10:38,773 --> 00:10:42,198
And I am still happy
with that decision.
238
00:10:42,948 --> 00:10:44,413
The first time
I was in lockup,
239
00:10:45,190 --> 00:10:47,684
dog, I was scared
[bleep]less, man.
240
00:10:47,776 --> 00:10:50,414
Scared [bleep]less, yes.
That is an...
241
00:10:50,481 --> 00:10:52,185
accurate way
to describe it.
242
00:10:52,253 --> 00:10:53,723
Yeah, man, but, you know,
243
00:10:53,791 --> 00:10:56,139
it wasn't too long before
I made this place my bitch.
244
00:10:56,178 --> 00:10:59,775
Oh, eh, there's plenty
of that going on.
245
00:10:59,843 --> 00:11:01,412
Yo, I ran this place, man.
246
00:11:01,481 --> 00:11:03,853
Come on, man, you must be
running this [bleep]hole.
247
00:11:03,878 --> 00:11:06,441
Well, I am doing
quite a bit of running.
248
00:11:06,484 --> 00:11:08,806
Man, you know there's a
certain pecking order in prison.
249
00:11:08,871 --> 00:11:10,600
You know, you got
the brothers on the top,
250
00:11:10,663 --> 00:11:12,367
and you got the brothers
on the bottom.
251
00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:13,662
You understand.
252
00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,252
Yes, I understand that
very clearly
253
00:11:16,272 --> 00:11:17,842
and very frequently.
254
00:11:18,343 --> 00:11:19,701
That's my dog.
255
00:11:21,091 --> 00:11:22,191
Now...
256
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:26,072
the reason I came, though,
is we got kind of a problem.
257
00:11:27,956 --> 00:11:30,629
You know a crazy brother in here
go by the name of "Seven Inch"?
258
00:11:30,697 --> 00:11:33,505
Yes.
I definitely know Seven Inch.
259
00:11:33,572 --> 00:11:35,010
All right,
well Seven Inch run
260
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,964
with the Willis brothers,
all right?
261
00:11:36,981 --> 00:11:38,494
And he knows
some [bleep] that...
262
00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:41,550
Well, let's just say we can't
have this guy naming names.
263
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:42,814
All right?
264
00:11:44,111 --> 00:11:45,933
We thought since you
on the inside,
265
00:11:45,999 --> 00:11:47,437
you could take care of it.
266
00:11:47,972 --> 00:11:49,309
You know what
I'm talking about?
267
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,392
You want me
to take care of Seven Inch?
268
00:11:51,488 --> 00:11:53,477
Yeah, you know,
just take him out the equation.
269
00:11:53,645 --> 00:11:56,159
The problem is
getting time with him.
270
00:11:56,227 --> 00:11:57,945
Oh, I can get time
with him.
271
00:11:58,806 --> 00:12:01,297
Oh, yes, I do believe
I will most likely
272
00:12:01,334 --> 00:12:02,785
be seeing him this evening.
273
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:04,060
That's awesome.
274
00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:05,958
Okay, but you...
you gotta get him alone, though.
275
00:12:05,984 --> 00:12:09,075
Ohhh...
That won't be a problem.
276
00:12:09,123 --> 00:12:10,193
Okay, well, uh...
277
00:12:10,406 --> 00:12:12,334
What's your plan, man?
How you gonna do it?
278
00:12:12,542 --> 00:12:15,085
What do you say
I bite his [bleep] off?
279
00:12:15,786 --> 00:12:17,039
Excuse me?
280
00:12:17,745 --> 00:12:21,561
Just bring my teeth down hard
on his [bleep].
281
00:12:22,756 --> 00:12:24,626
Dog, how you...
how you gonna get that close?
282
00:12:25,096 --> 00:12:28,044
Just...Way ahead of you
on that one.
283
00:12:30,497 --> 00:12:33,618
Oh, man.
You bad, man.
284
00:12:33,758 --> 00:12:36,164
That's... that's some
hard [bleep], dog.
285
00:12:36,283 --> 00:12:38,561
This place
has changed you, man.
286
00:12:40,350 --> 00:12:41,818
You have no idea.
287
00:13:09,381 --> 00:13:11,487
- I'm scared of cops.
- You're scared of cops?
288
00:13:11,555 --> 00:13:12,858
I'm scared of cops.
289
00:13:12,946 --> 00:13:15,210
I-I mean, I'm generally
afraid of cops because
290
00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:17,375
when I walk around with, like,
a black friend,
291
00:13:17,488 --> 00:13:18,508
like you...
292
00:13:21,284 --> 00:13:23,875
I start... I start talking
a little bit more thug
293
00:13:23,881 --> 00:13:25,232
- 'cause, you know...
- No, I know.
294
00:13:25,265 --> 00:13:27,287
- We nee... yeah.
- Because we need the extra power.
295
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,711
- We need this.
- To make one full black person.
296
00:13:29,801 --> 00:13:31,288
- We need this.
- So, you know.
297
00:13:33,111 --> 00:13:34,375
It's gotta be right about
298
00:13:34,390 --> 00:13:35,526
- this level right...
- I swear to God...
299
00:13:35,568 --> 00:13:36,371
But you know what I'm saying,
brother?
300
00:13:36,413 --> 00:13:37,435
You know what I'm saying?
301
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,857
Didn't you just get more
comfortable all of a sudden?
302
00:13:38,867 --> 00:13:39,743
Yeah, all right.
303
00:13:41,181 --> 00:13:44,495
So, but a cop... if a cop
comes up to me on the street and,
304
00:13:44,512 --> 00:13:45,546
"Hey, what are you guys doing?"
305
00:13:45,562 --> 00:13:47,340
I-I turn into [bleep]
Ned Flanders.
306
00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:49,050
It's all, "Hi-dee-oh.
307
00:13:49,264 --> 00:13:50,925
"Doing just fine.
Just walking down the street
308
00:13:50,968 --> 00:13:52,578
"on a stroll, my friend.
309
00:13:52,646 --> 00:13:54,150
"Come on, follow me.
310
00:13:54,852 --> 00:13:57,156
"We'll find some criminals
together, let's do it."
311
00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:58,295
Oh, man.
312
00:13:58,363 --> 00:14:00,118
- "I'll tell on anyone."
- So...
313
00:14:00,228 --> 00:14:01,049
"I'll tell on..."
314
00:14:16,526 --> 00:14:18,003
Was I speeding, officer?
315
00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:21,501
You don't look like
you're from around here.
316
00:14:21,597 --> 00:14:23,307
No, sir.
317
00:14:26,029 --> 00:14:27,608
You been doing
any drugs tonight?
318
00:14:27,630 --> 00:14:28,633
No, sir.
319
00:14:28,703 --> 00:14:30,116
- Nope?
- No.
320
00:14:33,224 --> 00:14:34,533
Why don't you
pop that trunk,
321
00:14:34,549 --> 00:14:36,259
step out of the vehicle
for me, please.
322
00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:38,530
- Really?
- Yeah.
323
00:14:45,772 --> 00:14:47,258
No drugs, huh?
324
00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:48,271
Nope.
325
00:14:51,383 --> 00:14:52,940
Well, well, well.
326
00:14:56,215 --> 00:14:57,350
What have we here?
327
00:14:57,392 --> 00:15:00,926
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You planted that in my car.
328
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,657
Oh, did I?
329
00:15:05,335 --> 00:15:06,700
Or... did I plant this?
330
00:15:06,719 --> 00:15:08,740
Uh... I real... I guess...
331
00:15:08,781 --> 00:15:09,995
Up against the car,
right now.
332
00:15:10,064 --> 00:15:10,968
- Oh!
- Spread 'em!
333
00:15:11,009 --> 00:15:12,941
- Uh...
- Huh, what's going...
334
00:15:13,005 --> 00:15:14,919
Whoa, whoa.
What do we have here, huh?
335
00:15:14,962 --> 00:15:16,833
- What?
- These your colors, homie?
336
00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:18,456
- That's... that's not mine. Huh...
- Huh?
337
00:15:18,538 --> 00:15:19,921
- No, I don't know what that...
- What? No?
338
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,590
Or are these your colors?
339
00:15:21,658 --> 00:15:24,163
Or perhaps these
are your colors.
340
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,521
Or are these... ?
Look at all these colors.
341
00:15:26,537 --> 00:15:28,456
Man, you sure got
a lot of colors.
342
00:15:28,483 --> 00:15:30,789
- I don't...
- Look at all of these colors.
343
00:15:30,883 --> 00:15:32,978
- What, this is...
- Wasah!
344
00:15:36,461 --> 00:15:38,533
- Are you a real cop?
- Freeze!
345
00:15:38,601 --> 00:15:40,436
What is that?
346
00:15:40,513 --> 00:15:41,543
Mm.
347
00:15:42,081 --> 00:15:43,649
Well, well, well.
348
00:15:44,032 --> 00:15:46,058
It looks like
an illegal firearm.
349
00:15:47,153 --> 00:15:48,301
Or...
350
00:15:49,602 --> 00:15:51,131
Is it? Ahh.
351
00:15:51,507 --> 00:15:52,503
Oh.
352
00:15:57,641 --> 00:15:59,512
I'm... I don't...
I don't know what this is.
353
00:15:59,605 --> 00:16:01,444
- I'm sorry.
- Pick a card.
354
00:16:01,924 --> 00:16:03,502
That's not even a good fan.
355
00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:05,414
Any card.
You can just stick... there.
356
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,002
- Okay, you took that card?
- Yeah.
357
00:16:07,044 --> 00:16:08,816
- Now, can you remember that card?
- Yes.
358
00:16:08,826 --> 00:16:10,137
Can you commit that card
to memory?
359
00:16:10,175 --> 00:16:12,051
- This is unbelievable.
- Have you done so?
360
00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:13,858
- Have you done so?
- Yes.
361
00:16:14,082 --> 00:16:17,165
Please insert the card back
into the deck randomly.
362
00:16:17,179 --> 00:16:17,820
Done.
363
00:16:17,887 --> 00:16:20,628
It's in a different place than
where you took it originally?
364
00:16:20,697 --> 00:16:23,296
- There.
- There we are. There we are.
365
00:16:23,361 --> 00:16:26,587
- This is ridiculous.
- Now, I take the deck like so.
366
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:30,778
I give it a "skasloisles"
and "abracasloish."
367
00:16:32,868 --> 00:16:35,028
Uh, fu... wha...
368
00:16:35,693 --> 00:16:36,387
Okay...
369
00:16:39,407 --> 00:16:42,780
Ahh. Is this...
your card?
370
00:16:42,807 --> 00:16:44,711
- No!
- Are you sure?
371
00:16:44,711 --> 00:16:45,981
I want your badge number.
372
00:16:47,803 --> 00:16:50,076
Oh. Oh. Oh!
373
00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:56,960
Uh... uh... wha...
374
00:16:57,747 --> 00:16:58,834
Okay...
375
00:16:59,803 --> 00:17:01,038
- Oh!
- Haah.
376
00:17:01,184 --> 00:17:02,357
Uh...
377
00:17:02,904 --> 00:17:04,641
It's my ca...
How did you do that?
378
00:17:04,787 --> 00:17:06,168
Ahh.
379
00:17:08,172 --> 00:17:09,375
And...
380
00:17:10,448 --> 00:17:11,609
that is for you.
381
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,939
After all that,
you're still giving me a ticket?
382
00:17:16,266 --> 00:17:17,633
Is it a ticket?
383
00:17:18,047 --> 00:17:21,563
Or is it a two-for-one coupon
for my show
384
00:17:21,581 --> 00:17:24,028
at the Magic House
Thursday night at 11:00 p.m.?
385
00:17:24,632 --> 00:17:26,459
Your call.
386
00:17:30,298 --> 00:17:31,734
I'll take the ticket.
387
00:17:32,386 --> 00:17:33,755
Great. Okay.
388
00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,231
Do you want to talk
about that tweet?
389
00:17:41,283 --> 00:17:42,947
- Well there... yes, there was...
- Yeah.
390
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,496
Wha... uh, a few months ago,
I did a...
391
00:17:45,561 --> 00:17:49,005
a tweet that,
uh... it was a...
392
00:17:49,434 --> 00:17:50,871
basically,
a hypothetical.
393
00:17:50,871 --> 00:17:52,676
- Mm-hmm.
- And it asked the question,
394
00:17:52,743 --> 00:17:54,569
"What if names were farts?"
395
00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:56,555
- Mm-hmm.
- What if,
396
00:17:56,622 --> 00:17:59,800
instead of names,
we had signature farts?
397
00:17:59,818 --> 00:18:03,060
We were identified,
personally, by farts.
398
00:18:05,437 --> 00:18:07,200
And we felt
that it was a good idea...
399
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:12,421
to use lots
of Comedy Central's money
400
00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:17,931
to bring you this scene
based on that very premise.
401
00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:19,992
Shame on you if you laugh.
402
00:18:21,532 --> 00:18:22,340
Please, enjoy.
403
00:18:26,157 --> 00:18:28,828
- Honey, someone's here.
- Oh. Okay.
404
00:18:32,538 --> 00:18:35,079
Oh, hey ...,
good to see you.
405
00:18:35,129 --> 00:18:36,814
Thanks for having us,
....
406
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:38,894
This is my girlfriend,
....
407
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,091
We're so happy
you could join us.
408
00:18:40,106 --> 00:18:41,977
And this is my wife,
....
409
00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:44,112
So this is the infamous
410
00:18:44,185 --> 00:18:46,298
... and ....
411
00:18:46,442 --> 00:18:48,782
... has told me
so much about you both.
412
00:18:49,168 --> 00:18:50,363
All good things I hope.
413
00:18:50,926 --> 00:18:52,354
You can never trust ....
414
00:18:52,447 --> 00:18:53,832
Hey, wait a minute.
415
00:18:54,385 --> 00:18:56,263
And please, please,
don't call me ....
416
00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:58,065
It makes me think
my mother's around someplace.
417
00:18:58,112 --> 00:18:59,085
Oh.
418
00:19:00,122 --> 00:19:02,728
Hey, you know, where is
little ...?
419
00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:06,313
Oh, she's at ...'s house
for a slumber party.
420
00:19:06,381 --> 00:19:10,114
- Ah.
- Oh, um, ... and ...,
421
00:19:10,132 --> 00:19:11,704
there's... this is the couple
from New York
422
00:19:11,743 --> 00:19:13,279
that we wanted you guys
to meet.
423
00:19:13,296 --> 00:19:16,918
Uh, this is ...
and her husband ....
424
00:19:16,934 --> 00:19:18,695
They're gonna be in New York
for a few weeks,
425
00:19:18,695 --> 00:19:20,345
so we were hoping you could
give them some tips.
426
00:19:20,345 --> 00:19:21,074
- Ooh.
- Sure.
427
00:19:21,105 --> 00:19:22,307
Oh, that'd be great.
428
00:19:22,476 --> 00:19:26,020
So, how do you know
... and ...?
429
00:19:26,062 --> 00:19:28,382
Oh, well ...
and I went to
430
00:19:28,477 --> 00:19:31,419
... School of Dramatic Arts,
431
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:34,134
back when ...
was working in midtown.
432
00:19:34,202 --> 00:19:35,806
- Mm.
- Oh, where did you work?
433
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:39,660
I was at ..., ...,
...,
434
00:19:39,707 --> 00:19:41,452
and ....
435
00:19:41,646 --> 00:19:42,525
Oh, the law firm.
436
00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:44,405
- Hey!
- Oh, hey.
437
00:19:44,447 --> 00:19:45,983
- Ha!
- How are you?
438
00:19:46,025 --> 00:19:47,897
- It's so good to see you.
- Good to see you.
439
00:19:47,939 --> 00:19:49,000
Come here.
Hey, everybody,
440
00:19:49,047 --> 00:19:52,326
this is ....
441
00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:53,875
I want you meet
one of my dearest,
442
00:19:53,906 --> 00:19:55,290
oldest friends, ....
443
00:19:55,308 --> 00:19:56,243
This is his girlfriend,
....
444
00:19:56,258 --> 00:19:57,207
- Hi.
- Hey.
445
00:19:57,224 --> 00:19:58,340
- Hello.
- Of course, you know ....
446
00:19:58,387 --> 00:20:00,278
- Oh, hi.
- This is ...,
447
00:20:00,295 --> 00:20:02,911
and this is her husband,
....
448
00:20:02,928 --> 00:20:05,000
- Hi.
- What a beautiful name.
449
00:20:05,043 --> 00:20:07,683
You know, I knew
a ...
450
00:20:08,085 --> 00:20:09,322
in grad school.
451
00:20:09,358 --> 00:20:10,428
Oh.
452
00:20:10,445 --> 00:20:12,550
Well, thank you,
but it's actually pronounced
453
00:20:15,504 --> 00:20:18,383
Wow, I swear that sounds like
what you were saying ....
454
00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:18,813
I don't know.
455
00:20:18,831 --> 00:20:20,344
Anyways, it's lovely
to meet you all.
456
00:20:20,363 --> 00:20:21,858
Yeah, yeah, okay, yes.
457
00:20:22,945 --> 00:20:24,553
Robert!
458
00:20:27,178 --> 00:20:29,210
I'm so sorry.
Heinrich!
459
00:20:30,602 --> 00:20:31,819
I'll...
460
00:20:31,887 --> 00:20:33,526
show myself to the restroom.
461
00:20:33,652 --> 00:20:34,922
Wow, uh...
462
00:20:35,042 --> 00:20:37,148
- Jeez.
- So rude.
463
00:20:37,189 --> 00:20:39,629
Well, for ...'s sake.
464
00:20:42,231 --> 00:20:43,246
Thank you, everybody.
465
00:20:43,288 --> 00:20:45,052
Thank you so much
for coming out.
466
00:20:45,093 --> 00:20:47,097
I am the Yellow Falcon.
467
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,154
I am the Black Fal...
Green Falcon!
468
00:20:49,175 --> 00:20:50,597
- Green, oh--
- Green Falcon!
469
00:20:50,893 --> 00:20:52,430
Good night, everybody.
Take care.
470
00:20:59,144 --> 00:21:01,917
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪
471
00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:04,040
Oh, yeah.
33583
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