All language subtitles for Hercules Zero to Hero (1999) (1)

Now the boys in school.

Wait and see.

After striving his whole life to return
to Olympus, Hercules turned down

immortality in favor of a mortal life on
Earth with a woman he loved, Megara.

Uh, Bobby, baby, aren't you getting a
little ahead of yourself?

Our show is about Hercules in his
teenage years.

Bear with me, ladies, please.

Just this once.

All right, Bob, but there better be some
teen shenanigans in this.

Yes, yes, we'll be getting jiggy with
the boy, I assure you.

Hercules and Megara lived happily ever
after.

But what happens after ever after?

Well, they settled down in Thebes.

Actually, it was a suburb of Thebes.

Thebes proper was no place to raise a
family.

Oh, yeah, that one goes up there with
the others.

You know what? Allow me.

Ah, there.

Gee, that's real subtle.

Oh, yeah, you like it? I thought we
could use some of my hero mementos to,

know, decorate the place.

Herc, you've managed to erect a hero
monument in every room.

I'm sorry, honey. I just, you know, want
you to be proud of me.

You big ox, I don't need statues to
remind me how great you are.

I've got the real thing.

Where y 'all want this one?

What?

Huh. What is this stuff? It says
Prometheus Academy.

Oh, no!

Hermes!

Yo, babe. Take us back to Phil's Island,
will ya?

Hey, isn't this... Now!

Ooh, touchy.

Upsilon Hall at Moving Company won't be
held responsible for any items lost due

to divine intervention.

Oh, yeah, no problem. That's great.

Ah, well, let's get back to... Not so
fast, bicep boy. What's in the jar?

In the jar? Nothing. Fine. I'll just
catch up with Hermes and see for myself.

No, no, wait.

I'll tell you. It's just filled with
some dumb stuff from high school.

That's all. High school?

I have got to. Oh, no, no. No, no. I
mean, we got so much left unpacked. So,

know, let's forget all about the high
school stuff and get back to work.

You know, hon?

What are you hiding, wonder boy?

Hey, Meg, I'm going to need your opinion
here.

Oh, come on.

You're not mad just because I wouldn't
let you look at that stupid urn.

Chuck is back! No, she wouldn't. She
couldn't.

She did.

Tell me you're not taking the scenic
route.

Looking for something, sister?

When Hermes showed up with this, I
figured you wouldn't be far behind.

Score one for the satyr.

I don't get it, Phil. What's the big
secret?

Well, high school wasn't exactly the
most graceful period of Herc's life.

He's kind of embarrassed about it.

Oh, how bad could it have been?

Bad.

Hey,

it was a one -man hurricane.

Aha, here it is, the Prometheus Academy
yearbook.

Now let's see, Hercules, Hercules.

Hey, give the kid a break.

They took that on his first day of
school.

So, Phil, what was it like raising a
wonder boy?

What was it like?

Sister first got off easy compared to
me.

Oh, come on. Herc's been a boy scout his
whole life.

He couldn't have been that much trouble.

Well, as I remember it... Now young
Herc, as a teen, was a lot like the

rest. With a heroic dream and no hair on
his chest.

He was working with Phil on his physical
best. When his dad

intervened with a simple request.

Child, what did he say?

You've got to send my boy, send my boy,
send my boy. You've got to send my boy

to school.

We'll be right

back.

Hermes. Hermes, my paper. Now.

Today's pop story. The fabulous
Prometheus Academy welcomes the oh -so

-happening Hercules.

Really? Let me see.

Didn't make the valley edition.

But on Mount Olympus, all the gods and
goddesses are, like, hyped, man.

Ah, breakfast.

Most important meal of the day.

Aye, aye, aye. Got the banana.

Ben.

Hey.

Hey, you're not nervous, are you? No.

Don't think so.

Should I be? Nice work, wingtips.

Kid, the first day of school is just
like any other. But what if nobody likes

me? Boy, this is one of those peer
pressure teen angst crises.

Herg, two words.

Relax.

By the way, did I mention that the
school barge was waiting when I got

No way! I can't be late for my first
day.

Wait up!

Huh?

What?

Where's our new student?

I am parentheses, your guidance
counselor. This is your student ID. It

that you are a student at Prometheus
Academy, the most prestigious school in

Greece. And it's 10 drachma to replace
if lost or stolen.

It won't leave my sight, sir.

Here's your campus map, recently
revised.

Cafeteria menu, I like the mutton. And
your locker number, memorize and

XI, XI, huh.

X -Eye.

No, no, not this one.

This is Pandora's locker. She's got some
issues.

Sorry, I'm new. Okay, obvious.

I'm Icarus.

Hercules. Call me Herc. Herc.

As the newbie, you need a guy that's
plugged in. Someone who can put you at

epicenter of the Academy's chic Greek
elite.

Thanks. That'd be great.

Yeah, wouldn't it?

I'm not that guy.

Honey, we're scarier than giving Medusa
a makeover.

Girl, the first day in a new school.

Showing facts and figures.

Praying for three.

Give them all the tools and learning
skills you'll need to succeed.

As a shiny team told you, you've got to
send my boy.

He's my pride and joy. You've got to
send my boy to you.

I had no idea high school would be so
tough.

Well, take heart, my new friend. For it
is lunchtime.

A respite from academic adversity.

Welcome to the cafeteria.

Bad food in large quantities.

Goat milk.

Sorry, Ajax, he's the new guy.

Herc, try not to act like the new guy.

You got it, Dicker.

Good example.

This is the kind of thing that can get
you labeled for life. Something like

corneadopia or herky -jerky with a
fruity booze. Okay, okay, I get the

Well, I'm just saying, kids can be
cruel.

Thanks, Dickie.

Some more than others. He can't do that.

There you go. Acting new again.

Why should we let him get away with
that? Because he's Adonis. He's a

Mm -hmm. If you want to survive high
school, you got to know the score.

the score?

We're losing.

You and me.

Lose us.

This is Cassandra.

She is sweeter than ambrosia, and she is
all mine.

Icarus. Yeah, baby.

The hands.

Move them or lose them.

Our relationship is in flux.

Honey, I want you to meet Hercules. This
is his first day here, so make him feel

welcome while I go back for firsts.

Nice to meet you, Cassandra.

I doubt it, but it's polite of you to
say so.

Icarus is a great guy. Is he your
boyfriend?

Try Stalker.

Stalker? He thinks he's my boyfriend.

He flew too close to the sun.

Oh, he's that Icarus? I wondered about
his hair.

It goes deeper, like to his brain.

Well, he's, uh, happy. Happy is good,
right?

Not for everybody. On the other hand,
living in a deluded fantasy is probably

the only way to survive this underworld
on Earth.

Yeah.

What? High school.

Oh, oh, I gotcha. The underworld thing
was a metaphor, right? Right, we covered

that in epic poetry class today.

I should know this stuff.

Cassandra, are you okay?

Whoa, did I miss it? What? A Cassandra
vision.

Watch.

Vision? She sees horrible stuff that's
going to happen in the future. It is her

curse. One of the many things I find
irresistible about her.

I see disaster in the cafeteria.

The roof is falling.

I see the new guy. I see the roof
falling.

I'm the new guy.

That can't happen, can it? I mean, this
place is built to last, right? Don't

worry about it. She made this wild
prediction that I would make a fool of

in public.

But I don't care!

Because I am hopelessly devoted to her!

Oh, I love her so much!

What are you looking at?

The ceiling's falling!

Oh, icky.

Destiny calls.

You can't do this. Yes, I can.

Refills are free. I'm going to talk to
Adonis about this. It's just not fair.

Life got fair. Why wasn't I told?

Hey, I think you dropped this.

You may rejoin the underclass now.

This is empty.

Refills are free.

Help yourself.

Don't be ridiculous. I never do anything
for myself. For example, I'm inclined

to humiliate you now.

Humiliate him now.

Hey,

I think you dropped this.

I've seen Gorgons with better pictures
than that.

Oh, sure, his pride is destroyed, his
reputation annihilated, but the roof did

not fall.

I think I could have handled the roof.

Okay, rookie!

Show me what you got!

How'd I do?

You seem distracted.

Huh?

You seem distracted.

Phil, what was school like for you?

I learned what I know on the streets.
The school of hard knocks.

And since I took you on, I feel like I'm
doing my post -graduate work.

Sorry, Phil. It's just that I...

Everybody at school thinks I'm a loser.

Yeah, yeah.

Killies went through the same thing with
them orthopedic sandals.

What do you think you are? I'm not so
sure sometimes.

Kid, forget everybody else.

Figure out what you think.

Oh, I believe this belongs to you?

Sorry.

Phil's right. It shouldn't matter what
everybody else thinks.

But it does matter.

A lot.

How do I prove to everybody at school
I'm not a loser?

A fight?

That jerk Adonis, I'd love to... Nah,
that's against school rules.

Oh, fight with a monster.

Pegasus, you're a genius.

Tonight, I'm going to prove that I'm a
hero. We're going to the realm of

monsters.

And so in the realm of monsters,
Hercules sought a worthy foe to prove

hero. Honey, that's not Hercules.

Oh. Oh, sorry.

Speedy Peter delivery guy, your dinner's
here.

You know, I'm not big on Peters.

No, I'm more of a people person.

Humble before mighty echidna.

The mother of all monsters!

I'm putting in for a new route.

Orthos, your blood feast is the most
important meal of the day. And what do

eat? Junk food.

But, Mom... Shut your pie hole, little
mister. Mother!

That goes double for you.

Oh, where did I go wrong? Your brothers
and sisters are out there night and day.

They're eviscerating army, leveling city
-states to eat only the best.

But what do you do?

You stuff your faces with PETA delivery
boys.

We ate that moussaka guy once.

What have I always told you?

You can't be a somebody if you eat a
nobody. That's right. So starting

you are on a strict diet.

You are to gorge only upon the upper
cross like a king or a prince or at

hero. And so in the realm of monsters,
Hercules... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We

all got to feed now. This is the domain
of Echidna, the mother of all monsters.

Do you even know where you're going?

No, but I do know we have to eat
somebody important or Mother's going to

She wouldn't. I think she would. The
last couple of family reunions had some

empty seats. There was talk.

Here's how I see it. I defeat a monster,
word spreads at school, perk the hero.

Life is fair again.

Okay, that was fast.

Nothing personal, but I'm going to have
to defeat you in battle.

And who exactly are you?

The name's Hercules.

Never heard of you.

I know.

Nobody has.

No offense, Peewee, but our mother has
us on a strict diet. Royalty and heroes

only. Well, I'm a hero in training.

Does that count? Maybe not as an entree,
but as a snack.

Stay out!

He's stale. Just check for an expiration
date.

It's usually on the bottom right here,
right?

Forget him. He's stale and he's a
nobody.

I'm not a nobody.

Living in denial.

I am somebody.

Somebody important.

Prove it.

I am a student at the Prometheus
Academy.

Hey!

What a ghastly likeness. Ever hear of a
comb?

Actually, I've heard of this school.
Quite prestigious.

So they've got to have some very
important upper crusty people there. We

check it out.

You mean that, brother?

Let's go.

Hey, that costs ten drachma if lost or
stolen.

Got ten drachma I could borrow.

Herk's most dangerous lesson about to
begin.

Cassandra predicted his doom.

On top of our hero, the root's gonna
fall.

You don't wanna miss it. Stay tuned.

How late am I?

Rome fell.

What? Kidding. That won't happen for
centuries.

You only miss geometry.

Mr. Euclid didn't even take attendance.

What with the rampaging cyclops and all.
A cyclops?

How many heads?

Do I think.

Could be a new student.

Somebody said he's got an ID.

I heard the picture on it is hideous. My
ID!

All royalty and important people line up
to the left.

Everyone else is excused.

Cooperate and no one will be hurt.

Except they will get eaten.

Well, that's a given.

They never make it easy. I'll make it
easy for you. Leave now and there won't

any trouble.

Hey, it's the stale nobody kid.

Thanks for the hot tip.

Yeah, dynamite buffet.

There's been a change in the menu. No
flesh this day. Instead, you shall taste

my blade.

Here, make him taste my blade.

Hey, you've got something right there.

Did I get it?

Higher. Where?

To the left. Wait, here. Are you
mirroring me or are you just... A little

Did I get it?

Bingo. Adonis, this is my fight.

I'm sure you mean well. Still, nobody
can... Look, like we told you before, we

can't waste our time on you.

I am a hero in training.

And thus, you may be a somebody someday.

But right now, you are a nobody.

Well, he's got you there.

I, on the other hand, am a prince. Right
now, at this very moment, a bonafide

prince. No!

Hey!

We shall dine like royalty.

Or on royalty, as the case may be. Wait!

You can't eat him!

Can too.

Mom said we can eat princes. But how are
you going to prove to your mom that he

was a prince?

We'll save some bones.

Everybody's the same under their skin.
That is not true.

I mean, right.

We are all brothers under the skin.

We've got to show Mom that we made good.

Should we wrap him to go?

No. We can have our prince and eat him
too.

No.

Very well.

I'm not used to working under hostage
conditions. Not that you care. I mean,

are a rather odd, hideous -looking, two
-eyed, well, one -eyed, two -headed

thing. When I say thing, I mean Cyclops.
And I, that's me, am not. Just take the

picture!

Say, feta cheese!

That actually hurt.

I can't tell nobody.

Prepare for pain.

The name is Hercules.

Wow. Two heads. Oh, you could eat and
think at the same time.

Huh?

Oh, he was to be the best man at our
wedding.

I was on the cusp of an emotion, and you
just made that impossible.

Sandra, good call on the roof.

I foretold you so.

But you didn't see that I beat the two
-headed Cyclops.

Well, I guess Adonis didn't see it that
way either.

I guess you could say it was beauty that
killed the beast.

Play along. I'll make it worth your
while.

Everybody thinks he saved the day.

Oh, two -fifthed him.

I worked on the Biclops.

Forget it.

Doesn't matter.

This is abject defeat.

Our newfound maturity.

Who cares what everybody else thinks?
You know what's important?

What I think. And I think I'm... I'm
doing okay.

Maturity? Perhaps the greatest foe of
all.

Icarus was one odd kid.

So, whatever happened to him?

He went into manufacturing with his dad
and made a fortune. You've probably seen

his ads.

Icarus, the waxwing king.

And Cassandra?

She got recruited by the Oracle Friends
Network.

Now they call it a psychic cynic to the
stars.

Whoa. I had forgotten all about this.

What? No, I don't think so. I've shown
you too much already.

Come on, Phil. It can't be that bad.

No, this is different.

If the kid knew I showed you this... No!

It's not my fault. She made me do it. I
take no responsibility.

End.

I'm out of here!

Meg, I'm so embarrassed.

Why didn't he tell you about the time I
went to the city of Athens and really

whipped the Minotaur?

You mean you did that? All by yourself?

Well, not exactly. I did get a little
help.

Midnight. Athens. The long, dark hunt
draws to a close.

Soon. Very soon. The Grim Avenger will
be avenged.

Grimly.

Whoa! According to the Greekly World
News, that laughing maniac has toppled

temples in two nights, and why isn't
anyone listening to me? We don't want to

break a trend.

Sorry, Herc, just trying to get a gander
at the new guy.

Wet paint.

Hey! I like, I like, huh?

Lassie. New guy?

Another rich royal brat.

This one's Theseus, Prince of Attica.

Oh, he's so dreamy! So cute!

So rich!

Such a pleasure to be here. I've heard
so many wonderful things about Athens.

Of course, this one donkey town is no
Thrace, believe me.

By the way, I'm Adonis, Prince of...
Don't get me started on Thrace. The

family thinks a fringed chiton is high
fashion.

I haven't worn fringes in three weeks. I
don't know where I get this

information. It's obviously out of date.

Well, you were right, Kasim. Just
another prince.

Where are you going?

To introduce myself.

You're swooning!

Am not.

Oh, you are!

Did you really think that I wouldn't
notice?

Have you a nuance that's not carved upon
my untamed heart?

Don't I know your every move?

Well, except possibly this one.

Well, no wonder everyone likes Theseus.
He's handsome, charming.

And incredibly rich.

He's got it all.

I hate him!

Okay, Pegasus. We hear the laughter. We
see a mysterious figure. We have our

temple toppler.

Sir, I believe the Athenian authorities
would like a word.

Caught off guard by the stranger's
voice, the Grim Avenger turns.

Excuse me? Are you talking to me? Two
new players join the game, but are they

friends or foes?

So, you call yourself the Grim Avenger?
You know my name.

My reputation precedes me.

Yeah, by about six seconds.

Listen, you seem a bit troubled, and I
really don't want to hurt you, so how

about coming along quietly?

The Avenger hears the only sound capable
of sending a chill down his generally

temperate spine.

Not quite the answer I was expecting.

Depart before the real trouble begins.

Trouble, huh?

Okay, if that's how you want to play it,
but I think I should warn you, my name

is Hercules, and I'm a hero.

In training.

Provoked, the Grim Avenger twists around
and flips the young hero onto his back.

The Grim Avenger fires his crossbow of
grim justice.

Pegasus!

Pegasus! Over here!

Despite their embarrassing defeat,
Hercules and his deed have impressed the

Avengers' worthy opponents.

But that's an impression he will never
reveal.

What's that noise?

No, not now.

So that maniacal laughter wasn't you?

Oops.

Wait, it's all a big heroic
misunderstanding!

The Avenger has sworn that nothing will
prevent him from bringing his nemesis to

justice. And yet...

Where's

the Avenger?

Long ago, the Grim Avenger took a grim
vow to grimly avenge himself upon his

hated nemesis. Found him! But trapped in
a ton of rubble.

The Avenger here, once again, has
failed.

Failed. Failed!

Hold on! I've almost got you!

Yes!

No!

Avenger, listen.

It's not your fault. I'm to blame.

Typical rookie mistake. Picking a fight
with the wrong guy.

The Avenger suddenly sees his former foe
in a new light. But can he trust this

eager, would -be hero with the truth of
his grim and righteous cause?

Can I take this off now?

You may.

Wow!

Cool barge! But you were blindfolded.
How did you know you were on a bard?

Uh, lucky guess?

The only luck we've had tonight.

Once again, the temple -topping minotaur
has escaped me. That was the minotaur?

You fought the minotaur? Me too!

I first encountered him while trapped in
a labyrinth. Me too!

Fortunately, I was able to escape with
the help of this magic thread.

Me too!

Well, actually, he had the magic that I
smashed my way out of it. But all in

all, we have a lot more in common than I
thought. Although, I'm not too clear on

the whole face -hiding thing.

Here's a look.

What Hercules doesn't know is that the
Grim Avenger has been tracking them in a

door.

From city -state to city -state. And
what drives the Avenger's grim quest?

Well, maybe it's because you... Even the
Avenger doesn't know.

Maybe it was that temple that toppled
onto his head.

Listen, Bloom, let me help. Together, I
know we can catch the Minotaur.

A tempting offer. But the Avenger is a
lone wolf. A solitary warrior for

justice. One mortal man against mythic
forces beyond his... Look, you're in

Athens! It's my town! Come on!

An heroic team -up.

Cool. We'll meet again tomorrow night.
Okay, where?

Don't worry.

I'll find you.

Cassandra, of course I'd believe you if
you sensed danger approaching.

I sense danger whenever you're near me.

You.

Take it easy, Icarus. This seems like an
okay guy.

Oh, yeah.

He's okay.

Maybe too okay.

Fellow Prometheans, a little
announcement.

Tonight at the Family Villa.

An Adonis blowout bash.

Be there or be Mesopotamian.

Party! Party!

Party! Party! Yes!

Of course, only the elite will be
invited. Which I'm afraid leaves you

Hmm. A crowded party.

Tonight. But of course I won't be there.
I'm throwing my own little

extravaganza. At the Temple of
Aphrodite. And everyone's invited.

I hope you'll be there, Cass, to warn me
of danger.

I can see myself making an appearance.

Theseus, this party has me worried.

Because you might not be able to get a
date?

Well, yeah, there's that. But no, having
it in Temple could attract the

Minotaur. My plan, exactly.

Toppling Temples is so much more fun
when there's an audience for the temple

fall on.

Okay, all I'm saying is that there's
absolutely no way that I'm going to

to like Theseus just because he throws
some crummy little party.

That's where I cannot be bought.

Wow, check out the buffet.

Theseus, buddy, you are the best, man.

This looks delicious.

I can't understand why no one would
believe me when I warn them the temple

going to be toppled. Welcome to my
world.

Cassandra, Hercules, I'm so glad you
could come.

So specious.

Which tables are reserved for royalty?

At my parties, everyone's equal. Sit
where you wish.

Come, allow me to get you some
refreshments.

I don't get it. What's the point of
being rich if you're going to be nice to

everyone?

Well, someone's having a good time.

Oh, excuse me, I didn't know this closet
was... These here... Quiet!

You're the Grim Avenger?

Me being the only new kid. It was a dead
giveaway, huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. I

knew it all the time.

But then... Excuse me. Why did you throw
a party in a temple? That's my cape.

Oh, sorry.

It's the perfect way to lure the
Minotaur into the open. Yeah, and it's

perfect way to put all my friends at
risk.

Oh, sorry. No risk.

Tonight, the Minotaur's reign of terror
comes to a permanent end.

Permanent as in permanent.

Isn't that a little harsh? Why don't we
just capture him, turn him over to my

dad, Zeus?

As Theseus dons his helmet, he loses his
identity, perhaps his very humanity, to

the grim Avenger. This ends tonight.

Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

Actually, I'm going to have to insist on
leading.

You can follow or get out of the way.
Look, let's just get out of here before

somebody gets hurt.

Oh, sorry.

No, my fault.

Hey, what do I have to do to get a
little attention around here?

The Grim Avenger. Silent Sentinel of
Sanity. Prepare to attack his dreaded

nemesis. You know, the Sentinel of
Sanity would be a lot more silent if

just quit narrating every move you make.

You mean... You mean I said that out
loud?

Yeah. There's somebody home.

Time to party.

Let's just get this over with.

Grab hold.

This is most uncomfortable.

Avenger, help me!

I can still get him.

Wait! Quick, everyone, run! Get out!

Oh, well, there goes his cleaning
deposit. Poor Leticia.

Well, not exactly poor, but... Am I the
ultimate party crusher or what?

Over here.

This is all my fault.

No, this is the Minotaur's fault. And he
will pay.

He's opening his eyes.

Whoa!

That horseradish packs some punch!

Say, who are you?

The Grim Avenger.

Okay.

This is a dream, right?

Ow! Careful.

You've broken your leg.

You notice.

You care!

Has anyone seen Theseus?

Yes! I spoke too soon.

Uh, Theseus. Right. He's fine. He asked
about you. Yeah. He asked if you would

look after Icarus. He did?

He did.

Trust me, those were his exact words.

Take care of him, Cassandra. We've got a
Minotaur to catch.

Pegasus!

And so, destiny calls, and the grim
Avenger prepares to... Yes,

right. Well, shall we go?

There!

Faster, Pegasus!

Come on, heroes!

Show me what you've got!

Hercules, look!

Temple Row. Every deity in Greece has a
franchise here.

We're playing into his hands. Let's
regroup. Come up with a plan.

This ends tonight.

Lead. Follow.

Just get out of my way.

Would I like that?

Come on, you can do better than that.

It's

her

chief that thought he'll topple more
temples than a minotaur.

We've got it. It's over. I'll tell you
when it's over.

That's right, kid.

Gotta keep showing them who's in charge.

Look, Doc. Look what you're doing.

He's to blame!

Not me, pal.

I'm just playing the cards the gods
dealt me.

Half man, half bull.

Strong and not particularly graceful.

One little china shop and they lock you
in a lousy labyrinth. You know how much

I hate labyrinths.

We all have our little problems.

And the son of Zeus will make sure you
never harm anyone again.

Was that narration?

What? I'm not saying it was, but it sure
sounded like it. No way!

He's right.

Sounded like narration.

Well, maybe it was a little pompous, but
take him in, Herc. Turn him over to

Zeus, like you said.

No. I've got to finish this job.

Your job isn't to finish it. Your job is
to be a hero.

And what kind of hero do you want to be?

Oh, good question.

Do you mind? Be yourself.

Be Hercules. Because even I don't want
to be the grim Avenger anymore.

And neither of us wants to be like him.

Hey!

Look, do what you want. But please, no
labyrinths.

I hate labyrinths. All those twists and
turns.

I'm claustrophobic. I sweat. And the fur
gets that wet, funny, sweaty smell.

And, and... And I'm going to the
labyrinth, right?

Hey, want to sign my cast?

Come on, anyone?

Does anyone want to sign my cast?

Please? I'd be honored. You?

Don't worry, Icarus. Theseus is
returning to Attica.

Ah!

Well then, by all means, sign away.

Ow! Ow! Thank you, that's good. Ow! Ow!
What a sweet inscription. Ow! Ow! You're

too kind. Ow! Thank you.

Ah, Theseus, I hear you're going home.

Competing with me must really take a
toll.

Believe me, just being around you takes
a toll.

I... Thought so.

Hey, was that a shot?

I only regret I didn't take the time to
truly enjoy your company.

Now this I should have seen coming. You
know, if you ever need, same here.

You know, there's still one thing that's
bothering me. The Grim Avenger. Who was

that helmeted man?

I guess we'll never know.

You mean you wrecked 17 temples? I was a
teenage boy. It seemed like a really

good idea.

But you know...

As disastrous as that was, that was
nothing compared to when my dad decided

see what being a teenager was like
firsthand.

Amazing. Fantastic.

Now that's what I call a geography
project.

What is it?

A map of the world.

Careful.

Watch out!

I spent several excruciatingly tedious
minutes hiring a professional to

construct that model. Your geography
projects are all lovely.

I will begin the grading with Prince
Adonis' model volcano.

Miss Cassiopeia, if I may demonstrate?

It's a working model.

Surf up.

Okay.

Inspirational, Adonis. Alpha plus.

What's not to lava?

Lava. Now then, Mr. Hercules.

This is rather unconventional. It's a
map of the world.

Well, it was.

Oh, dear. Well, I'll give you an
incomplete.

Perhaps you could aspire to something
more like Adonis' fine effort. You did

that on purpose.

So the traveling salesman asks, what do
you think?

And the farmer's wife, she says, I don't
know. It's all Greek to me.

Greek to me. Get it?

Oh, yeah.

That's a good one, father.

There's something wrong, son.

I wouldn't want to bore you. That's what
these father -son chats are for.

Am I right, Hermes?

Zeus, babe, they don't come any righter.
Okay, there's this creep at school

named Adonis. Now we're getting
somewhere.

Is he a titan? No.

Monster? Uh -uh. A demigod? He's mortal.

Obnoxious, but mortal.

Oh, well, you just have to show him
who's boss.

How? I mean, sure.

Sometimes I feel like thrashing him, and
I could, but that wouldn't be very

heroic. Oh, but you're my boy.

It's not that simple.

He's a prince, and I'm a... The son of
Zeus.

Start acting like it. Well, that's great
on Mount Olympus, but where I live,

it's another story, Dad.

Go up there, down here, put him in his
place. End of story.

You don't know what it's like.

You wouldn't last 24 hours as a human
teenager.

Hermes. Does he seem peevish to you?

With all due respect, large guy, cut him
some slack. I mean, you banished your

father. That was different. He tried to
swallow me whole.

Here we go.

Ha! Watch this.

Whoa! Whoops. Back in a flash.

I feel like a kid again, Hermes.

It's you, sir.

Okay,

bottom line. I'm stuck way down here.

Cold, damp, lots of dead people.

Zeus, on the other hand, is way up there
at the all -you -can -eat Ambrosia

buffet.

Objective? Reverse positions.

Hey! There it is. Drop it. Come on,
though.

Drop it.

Lousy mutt. We're living in bones, are
us, and he's got to use my stuff for a

chew toy. Hey, hey, listen up. Look, me,
master, you, obedient pup.

Got it?

That's it.

Get out of here. Get out.

Pain.

Panic! Present and accounted for, your
churlishness.

Nice doggies.

When you two were whining about getting
a puppy, what did I say?

You have to walk it. You have to feed
it. Did I not?

It's really more of a cat.

No!

No!

I could have had a nice three -headed
goldfish.

Prepare yourself, Icarus. Today is the
day I beat Adonis.

At dodgeball?

Yeah, right.

Shh, here comes Bizetapus. Okay, you all
know the rules. Throw the ball as hard

as you can at anything that moves.

You may not run. You may not hide. Last
one standing wins.

And people, please, please remember,
we're here to have fun, okay?

Ready, set... Okay,

go get them,

pal. I'll be cowering right behind you.
Uh -oh.

Hey, what's with that kid?

He's not cowering.

This time I've got him.

Gee, that was close.

Huh? I can't be out. I had him. Hey,
remember, as one door closes, another

opens.

I think this is a learning experience,
okay?

Who is that new guy? You mean Mr. I
-cower -for -no -man?

Who is that guy?

He cheated.

The sun was in my eyes. Oh, come on now.
You just gotta pick yourself up, dump

yourself off, and, well, you know the
rest.

Oh, that was so great.

I'm Hercules. Call me Herc.

I'm Zoo... Zach.

The name's Zach.

That person is about to discover that I
can be a very royal pain.

Hermes! How goes the second childhood,
your splendidness?

Aces? I showed Hercules, huh?

Uh, technically,

sir, with all due respect, you didn't
really satisfy the Herc Challenge.

Come again?

Well, the gig was to be a mortal
teenager for 24 hours, and you used your

powers. Okay, fine.

I'm mortal. Whoa, sir, I didn't mean...
Now let's go home. I've got that deep

down nectar first.

Ah, well, remember Olympus' immigration
policy?

No mortals allowed.

You've got that mortal thing happening
now.

Why not try a bed and breakfast? I hear
they're fabulous. This is ludicrous.

Absurd. It's unfair.

Welcome to your teens.

Oh, hey, slow down! Come on! Heel!

Heel! Come on!

Find a tree or something already, you
know what I'm saying? A little... No!

Bad puppy, come on! Put that down!

Hades! Have you no control over that
fleabag of yours?

Ah, ladies, forgive me, I'm sorry. He's
a bit, how shall I say it, rambunctious.

Drop it already. What is it? Come here.

What is it? It's an eyeball.

There.

I'm mortal.

Oops.

You weren't supposed to see that. Right,
understood.

Just out of curiosity, that kid with
Hermes, who was that? There was

kind of vaguely familiar about him.

No, absolutely not. Yeah, all right.

Of course, sister.

You'll keep that beast locked up.

Sit, sit. He's in the doghouse for like
ever, okay? Boom, done, gone, okay?

Well, all right.

That boy is Zeus.

Zeus, right, of course.

Voice, this should have been a dead
giveaway. Zeus?

You mean the biggest cheese in the
universe?

Mortal? As in no longer immortal?

As in susceptible to becoming, you know,
my province.

Deceit?

Yes!

Sharpen those scissors, ladies.

We've got a thread of life to cut.

You should have seen the look on Adonis'
face when that ball hit him in the gut.

Wham! He was laid out flat. It was
beautiful.

Interesting. We haven't seen your petty
side before.

I like it.

Well, of course, I take no pleasure in
the suffering of others. I just expect

that Adonis will be a better person for
the experience.

Uh -huh.

Hey, great to see you again, Zach.

I'd like you to meet Cassandra.

Charmed, I'm sure. Anyone who can
humiliate Adonis is a friend of mine.

Zack, you're amazing.

You're the kind of guy who can really
shake things up. No, no.

No, no, no, and no. Come on. Don't you
see? There's a natural order to life

which cannot be upset.

Well, I mean, the last person dumb
enough to challenge Adonis on his first

of school was, uh... Well, actually, it
was you, Herc.

Looks like we have a lot in common, pal.

More than you'd think.

Tug excited.

Poor dude.

He had a lot to learn about teenage
cruelty.

And what better teacher than Adonis?
Honey, it's a Greek tragedy.

Objective humiliation.

Gotta watch your back and stay on your

toes. You should have listened to your
young son's woes.

Now you know what every teenager knows.

You call it heinous, honey, when you
can't use the power of food.

You got the screaming, griefing,
teenage, awkward, in -between -age

You could do with anything you please,
but as a mother, you're no

big C.

Here on Earth, you're just another
target to tease.

You're having second thoughts now that
you're feeling the squeeze.

You don't need the Oracle or Delphi to
give you the news.

Oh, no, no, no. You got the screaming
Grecian teenage.

What the heck does mean it? What's in
between it?

Yeah, I've only got a minute.

Hephaestus is after Athena again.

Waste of time, if you ask me, which
nobody ever does. Thank you very much.

I give up.

Hercules is right.

I can't cut it as a mortal.

Get me out of here!

Yeah, I feel your pain, sir. Honest, I
do. But you made the rules. You just

to wait it out.

Nobody knows what it's like to be me,
man!

Yeah, sorry. Got a jet.

But, sir, that was authentically
adolescent.

All right, one more time.

You go on the paper, you don't eat it.
You got the concept?

Ooh, now we're talking. There's only one
God in the universe who can fill out a

chitin like this.

My patience is starting to wear off.

It's out.

Okay, come on. It's gone. Boom. No more
patience.

I'm trying to find Zeus, and you are...
Hmm.

A rotting bloodhound.

Mortal Zeus.

Dog that destroys everything in its
path. Enemy that needs to be destroyed.

Perfecto! Ha ha!

You want the toy? Come on. You want the
toy? It's out there. Come on. Let's go

get it. Come on. Snip it out.

Come on. Come on. You can do it.

Come on, come on already. Jeez, you got
a nose the size of a barn. Three of

them. You got three big, wet, sloppy...
Come on.

Atta baby, you want him?

Go get him!

Go! Fetch! Seize! Mangled! Shred!

Dead! Right! Go right there!

Get him!

I know that look.

Adonis.

Ah, buck up. You just have to show him
who's boss.

That is quite possibly the lamest advice
I ever heard.

Yeah, I know.

My dad said it to me. I thought maybe
you'd find it more inspiring.

Well, sorry, I'm kind of late for class.

Hang in there, Zack.

Hades. Jack, you know, it's hard not to
gloat here, so I'm just going to kind of

go with it, okay?

Zeus is going to get eaten.

I'm taking over.

You'll never get away with this, Hades.

Uh, Ron. Okay, hey!

There's a new top guard in town, people,
and his name is Hades, large and in

charge.

Hades, this will not go unpunished. By
whom, mortal you?

Forgive me if I fail to tremble.

Go ahead! Knock yourself out! Go! Chomp!

Leave my friend alone!

Please?

This is so great on, like, so many
levels.

Hades! When my father finds out that
you're meddling in mortal affairs,

gonna... Well, I got news for you,
Junior.

Daddy's standing right next to you. And
when it comes to mortal affairs, he's

right in the thick of things.

Isn't that right, Luz?

Huh?

Like father, like son. Like chow.

Let me just make sure I got this
straight. You turned yourself into a

I wanted to prove you wrong.

It didn't exactly work.

Well, fine.

Just change back.

I love this part. He can't. He actually
made himself mortal. You get it? Why

would you do that?

My boyish impetuosity.

Fetch! Good thinking, son.

Okay, let's try this again.

Fetch!

Tenacious beast.

Tell me about it.

Get it, boy!

Hello!

The idea is to fetch them.

Back here.

Man, what I wouldn't give for a
thunderbolt.

Sorry, Father.

Us mortals have to find other solutions
to our problems.

Come on, son.

Is it my imagination or is he slowing
down?

Hey, he's a puppy. You played with him,
you fed him. Maybe it's nap time.

They say that music soothes the savage
beast.

Close your eyes until the new day.

Let the magic of Morpheus whisk you away

to the stars in the heavens where dreams
all

come true.

High atop Mount Olympus, Zeus is
watching over

you.

But how could you know that song? My
mom...

My mortal mom used to sing that song to
me as I fell asleep.

And I listened every night.

Just because you were living on Earth
didn't mean I stopped caring.

Oh, I owe you a big apology, Father.

I shut my mouth off without thinking.

Nonsense. It's been an education.

I've gained a great deal of respect for
you, son.

God, this is so touching. It's so...

It's so wide, I get a lump in my throat
the size of a creek.

He's actually kind of cute.

Hey, remember me, little old lord of the
underworld, which is incidentally where

you're headed.

You'll have to fry me first, Hades.

Hey, I can deal with that. Out of the
way, son.

This is between me and my gloom from the
tomb brother.

I hate to see families in conflict, so I
tell you what, I'm kind of a softie.

I'll torture both at once, how's that?

Going down!

Mighty One, your 24 hours of mortalhood
is up.

Okay, great. Somebody might have
mentioned a pertinent tidbit of

like a time limit.

We did tell Hades about that.

Time limit, didn't we?

He'll figure it out.

Okay, well, you know, hey, I don't want
to intrude on your tender moment, you

know? It's like a tender... Besides, I
think we all learned a little lesson

today. I think the kid finds out that
you care, you find out being human is,

hey, no picnic in me. I mean, I learned
to, you know, fry first and gloat later,

so, uh... Yaha!

Have a nice trip.

See you next fall!

I still

can't believe you became

mortal just for me.

Thanks. Oh, Posh. You're my boy, my boy.

Well, forget about Adonis. I'll figure
out a way to deal with him.

Very mature of you, son.

There's no point in wasting your energy
on a creep like him.

Bow and step to the side. Commoners to
the left, nobodies to the right. All

way for the royal me.

Then again, that kid is practically
wearing a might -me size.

What?

I bet you don't get invited back for
alumni weekend.

See, this is why I didn't want you to
see any of this stuff.

Now you're going to think of me as that
geeky loser.

I want you to think of me as I am now. A
hero.

Oh, you big lug.

So you went through an awkward phase.

You know what? It made you the hero you
are today.

The most precious gems have their roots
in the rock.

Just like my hero, the man that I love.

Made a number of blunders, but haven't
we all?

Still you always would wonder with your
back to the wall.

Though I'm duly impressed with this
fisticuff stuff.

It's just a small part of the man that I
love.

There's been a few misses, one or two in
between.

A couple of kisses and some devilish
dreams.

But monstrous battles made some narrow
escapes.

But I'm much more in awe of your
character traits.

Because you're gentle and kind and you
never give up.

This is what makes you true.

The man that I love.

I thank Zeus for this gift from Olympus
above.

My number one hero.

The man that I love.

A special delivery.

What's that?

Well, when I figured out what you were
up to, I sent Hermes on a special

to retrieve your high school yearbook.

No, you wouldn't. Oh, come on, Meg.

There can't be anything embarrassing in
your path, can there?

Oh, well, looky here.

Our little Megara was a cheerleader.
Give me that. Look at your hair.

That was the style at the time.

You were in the glee club?