All language subtitles for Diagnosis Murder s07e11 Santa Claude

My friend Kimberly says that Santa Claus
will know if I haven't been doing all

my exercises every day. And then he
won't bring me anything for Christmas

lump of coal.

But you have been doing your exercises,
right?

Almost all of them.

Tell you what I'll do.

I'll make sure personally that Santa
Claus gets a good report on you, okay?

Thank you, Dr. Sloan.

Okay, let's go see your mom.

Fine.

She'll be tap dancing before long.

Hi, Claude. Oh, morning, Doc.

Say, are you tuning up that barbershop
quartet of yours for the Christmas

I'm going to tune up my quartet. They
were invited to perform at the

International Sing Fest in Munich.

Hey, good for them. Yeah, good for them.

Bad for me. I've got to find three other
guys to sing with now.

Hey, you don't by any chance... No,
sorry, Doc. I couldn't carry a tune in a

watering can.

Wait a minute now.

What's this I see?

Do you wash behind your ears?

Yes. I think you missed a spot right
about there.

Okay.

I didn't watch behind this one either.

Pardon?

Nurse, crash cart over here, now.

I was afraid you'd forgot about me. No,
no, not at all. I'm sorry, Claude.

These things take a little time.

Sit down, will you?

Well, let's get the mumbledy -gook over
with. I got to get over to the, uh,

valley costume room right about now.

Pick up my Santa Claus suit.

You didn't ask somebody else to do the
Christmas party this year, did you?

No, of course not.

Claude, about the fainting spell.

Oh, I got up too fast.

That happens from time to time.

I'm faced more complicated than that.

If you were a plant man, I guess you'd
be telling me now that I shouldn't count

on being a perennial.

What is it?

Cancer?

Pancreatic, Claude. It's very aggressive
cancer.

Of course, there's always a chance. How
much time have I got, Doc?

Six months, give or take.

Well, doggone, you had me worried.

Six months is a lot of time.

You know how many people are going to
die before I do?

And most of them don't know it's coming.
So they'll just fritter away their time

without appreciating how precious every
day is.

But thanks to you, I'll know.

You've given me a gift.

I bet they're giving you a necktie.

I never wear them.

And you know what the very best part is?

Even if it's more take than give, I got
all the spring.

Always was my favorite season.

You know, it's not bad enough that the
man is dying. It turns out that the

maintenance company, Claude Worthmore,
they have no health insurance.

Is there anything he can do?

Up to a point. You know, the hospital
can provide medical services.

But there's going to come a time when
he's going to need some place to go die

with some dignity.

Claude has no place to go.

No family?

And no money.

He'll have Social Security and Medicare.

No.

For some reason, some people just fall
right through the cracks of their

Claude's one of them.

I called Social Security in Sacramento
and talked to a friend of mine, but she

doesn't think she can do anything for
him.

I'll make some calls to the county in
the morning.

There's got to be some program we can
get Claude into.

Thanks, Steve. That'd help.

Listen.

The annual Christmas party's coming up.

No.

You don't even know what I'm going to
ask you. Yes, I do. I made a fool out of

myself singing last year. I'm not going
to sing again this year. No, you didn't.

You were a little flat, but it's the
spirit of the thing. Dad, I'm sorry. I'm

not doing it, all right? I got to run.

Good luck.

Dr. Sloan?

Yes. Me and Bobby Joe heard you were
looking for three singers for the

Christmas party.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

Well, sir.

You found half of them right here.

You two sing harmony, do you?

Not offhand, but if you can hum it, I'm
sure we can sing it.

Why don't you sing something you know? I
can hear your voices.

As we walked out on the streets of
the...

Hey, that's the trouble with Christmas.
It's one big commercial.

You take the money out of Christmas, and
what have you got?

Arbor Day. Arbor Day? It's just on earth
and goodwill towards men. It's all

buried under cheap, gaudy materialism.

Santa Claus hustles more merchandise in
one month than the QVC does all year.

Stop this badgering. It's not that bad.
No, I'm as bad as the next guy. I admit

it. I run out and spend a fortune on
Christmas cards every year, and I swear

that I'm not going to. If someone sends
me a card, I've got to send them a card.

And then as Christmas gets closer and
closer, I send cards to the people who

haven't sent me a card just in case they
send me a card at the very last minute.

Wow, I mean, I'm amazed by you. When do
you find time to practice medicine?

If we were half as smart as bears, we'd
hibernate through this whole thing.

Aha!

Two more unwitting victims.

I'm collecting for the Southland
Christmas Charities. We feed the

Christmas Eve and make sure that they
don't go hungry.

Well, I think that's great, and I am
happy, Chip. Here you go. How much of

money goes to the...

homeless, and how much of it goes to the
people running the charity? Jesse.

No, no. No, this is a volunteer
organization, Jesse. All the money goes

food. Well, see? You never know, though.
Ah!

There's the, uh... person who wraps my
Christmas gifts. They're ready.

He always gets a little strange around
Christmas time.

Well...

I thought I gave you a couple of days
off.

Well, I got to keep them smiling.

Besides, where should I be? My plants,
all my friends, the kids on the ward.

Everything I love most is under this
roof.

You haven't any luck with that
barbershop quartet yet?

No, not yet. I'm getting a little
discouraged.

I hate to leave that part of the
celebration out. Well, something will

It always does. I hope you're right.

Excuse me a minute, Claude. Certainly,
Doc.

Amanda, you're just the person I'm
looking for. No good has ever come from

statement, you're just the person I've
been looking for.

That's not always true.

Mark, not once in my life has anyone
ever come up to me and said, Amanda,

just the person I've been looking for.
You won the lottery.

Or Amanda, you're just the person I've
been looking for. You're getting a

gigantic refund on your tax returns.

Never. Mm -hmm.

What if I was to invite you to sing in
my barbershop quartet? You see?

But women so rarely get the chance to
sing four -part harmony.

And you have a beautiful voice, I know.

And how do you know that?

I heard you sing.

You only heard me because I didn't know
you were listening. And I have terrible

stage fright.

It's perfectly normal. Everybody gets
butterflies.

I know.

This is different.

I get a stomach ache, and then I start
to shake.

And then I get, like, dry mouth.

And then I can't even breathe.

Yeah, but this would be different. There
would be no stress here. You're singing

in front of a bunch of friends.

Why don't you just try it once, just for
me?

Right now?

Yeah, just the two of us. Come on. All
right.

Oh, it's hopeless.

Well, if there's any consolation, you're
the best audition I've heard so far.

Thanks.

Dad, you got a minute?

Dad,

you're not going to believe this.

There is no Claude Campbell.

What do you mean there's no Claude
Campbell? I talked to him 15 minutes

There used to be a Claude Campbell, but
he died when he was seven years old.

I was trying to find a way to get
Claude, or whatever his name is, public

assistance. I pulled every string I
could think of.

Well, apparently I pulled one too many
because things began to unravel.

It seems that Claude's name used to be
Andrew Bacevich.

About ten years ago, Mr. Bacevich
escaped from Potosi State Prison just

of St. Louis, Missouri.

Weren't you saying Claude was in jail?

What for? Over -fertilizing the
petunias?

Thirteen years ago, Andrew Bacevich
murdered his wife.

This whole thing's a little confusing to
me, Claude. Or should I call you

Andrew? No, no, Claude.

Andrew was a whole other lifetime. I
can't believe that I was ever that

An escaped felon, you mean?

I didn't kill my wife, Lieutenant.

I loved her.

But you were convicted, and you did
break out of jail.

I wasn't guilty.

I can't say that I blame that jury for
convicting me. I was found at the scene

minutes after my wife had been stabbed.

Covered in blood with a murder weapon in
your hands.

I found my wife dead on the kitchen
floor.

Someone hit me over the head, and when I
came to, the police were there. They

arrested me.

Did you have a bump on your head?

They said it was self -inflicted.

Hell, if I'd been on that jury, I'd
probably have convicted me, too.

But you didn't do it.

No.

Would you tell us if you had?

I'm going to see St. Peter pretty soon.

Do you think that I really want to hear
him say, Claude, you old bag of manure,

we were going to let you in, but...

You went and lied to your friends.

Do you have any idea at all who did it,
Claude?

I wish I did.

I've had plenty of time to think about
it.

You know, I think obviously this has
been a mistake.

What we have to do is clear it up.

The state of Missouri has already begun
extradition proceedings.

Well, I'm Claude's doctor, and it is my
medical opinion that he's not physically

fit to travel. I won't authorize it.

Watch him.

Dad, the law says that Andrew Bacevich,
alias Claude Campbell, goes back to

Missouri. The man is terminally ill.

Dad, if I don't take him back, they're
just going to send someone else out to

get him. You know that.

The hospital's got a lockdown, Ward.
Until somebody arrives from Missouri to

pick him up, you can put him in there,
okay?

Jesse, Mark's been looking for you.

I'm not surprised Amanda warned me.

Warned? Well, he can hold his breath
because, one, I hate barbershop. Two,

not even going to the Christmas party.
Three, I think I'm coming down with

laryngitis. And four, I can't sing. And
five, did I mention I hate barbershop?

Yeah, you mentioned that. The only
reason I'm even here is because I forgot

palm piling and I need addresses so I
can send out my gifts.

All Mark wanted was the name of that
friend of yours, the hypnotist.

Connie Hazeltine?

I don't know. She's your friend.

If Connie Hazleton... Can you tell him
I'm in a hurry?

Sure.

No.

No. No!

Son of a... I can't believe this. I
cannot believe this.

This can't be happening. Why does this
happen to me?

Jesse, my God! What happened?

Some idiot broke my window and...

Took all the gifts I was sending back to
my relatives.

What is wrong with people? At least
you're not hurt.

Yeah, talk to my wallet. It's hurting to
the tune of $600. I couldn't just wire

flowers. I had to go buy stuff.

Jesse. What am I supposed to do now?

Spend another $600 and pray that
everything gets there on time?

Well, it's not as bad as it seems.

Oh, no?

It's worse.

It's Christmas. Jesse, I know you're
upset about the broken glass and your

stolen gifts, but that doesn't mean that
you lose your Christmas spirit.

And if you don't like what's happened at
Christmas, then do something about it.

I'm sorry.

Me? What can I do? I'm one person.

Claude, close your eyes and take a
couple of very deep breaths and go

back in your mind to the safe place you
told me about.

Now, let all the tension go.

I want you to relax, completely relax.

Let the tension go.

Feel relaxed.

A hypnotist.

He could possibly remember something.

He said 13 years to remember.

He was hit on the head. He says he was
hit on the head.

He came to to find his wife dead and
himself under arrest for murder.

That's a lot of trauma for one day.

Under the circumstances, he very
possibly could have buried a memory or

Until I speak to you again.

He's a wonderful subject.

He's under hypnosis. Now, is there
anything you want to find out?

Yes, I did type up some questions I'd
like you to ask, if you will. Surely.

Claude, do you remember the day your
wife died?

Yes.

You were supposed to go on a trip.

Why did you go home?

I was supposed to fly to Chicago on
business.

There was a tornado.

and all the flights got shut down.

There was a foot of water in the street
out in front of my house, and I barely

made it home.

It was supper time, so I went in the
kitchen and my wife was lying with a

in her back on the floor.

I kneeled down to see if she was alive
and

pulled the knife out of her back and

someone hit me.

When I came to, the police were there.

Claude can remember anything else,
anything at all.

A smell.

A smell?

What was it?

Graham crackers and chocolate.

S'mores. Hmm?

With graham crackers and chocolate and
marshmallows.

S'mores, yeah.

If the man said he smelled them, he
smelled them. Why would he make

like that up?

I don't know. Maybe he wants you to
think a troop of renegade Girl Scouts

it.

He did well.

Yes, he did, Doctor. Thank you very
much. I'll call you later.

You're welcome.

Gardner would like to speak with Claude
for just a moment.

Did I come up with anything?

No. Well, just a second. You came up
with a smell.

Graham crackers and chocolate.

I haven't thought about those in years.

Sharon and her best friend Lily used to
make up a batch of s'mores every time

they'd get together for a dish session,
as they called it.

This Lily, was she there that day?

Not that I know of.

Dad, I can understand your concern for
Claude, but I gotta tell you, you're

giving new meaning to the expression
grabbing at straws. Or, in this case,

grabbing at s'mores.

I'm not making him up. The man smelled
them.

We have it under hypnosis, which, you
know, is hardly infallible.

He could have smelled it earlier in the
day, and now, under hypnosis, thinks

it's when he came home.

But if he had smelled them when he came
home, it meant somebody had to be in the

house besides Sharon and Claude.

And?

So nobody else ever came forward.

Dad, do you know people shy away from
murder investigations?

I mean, even innocent people.

You know, just wondering.

Now, never mind.

What?

Well, I was just thinking, if I wasn't
on call this weekend, I'd catch a plane

and go see what I can find out.

No. No what? I am not going to St.
Louis. I'm not going to ask you.

Good.

See, if I got off at nine, I could jump
on that red -eye.

Dad, you're not getting on the red -eye.

I don't see that I have any choice in
the world.

I can't stand by and see a kind and
loving man like that spending his dying

in a penitentiary with rapists and
murderers. I mean, not that if there's

chance at all I can prove him innocent.

You've already made plane reservations
for me, haven't you? No, but I can.

Excuse me.

I was told I could find Lieutenant Sloan
here.

I'm Sloan.

Deputy Sheriff Harmon Tolliver, County
St. Louis, State of Missouri.

I've got here some extradition papers
for one Andrew Bacevich, fugitive from

justice. I'm afraid Mr. Bacevich is
very, very ill and in no condition to

travel. And you are? Dr.

Mark Sloan, Claude, or Mr. Bacevich is
my patient.

Well, I don't care if you're the Surgeon
General of the United States.

Papers say he goes home with me tonight,
dead or alive.

Don't make no never mind to me.

Mind if I join you?

Not at all.

Sweetener? No, thanks.

I just wanted to let you know that based
on Claude's physical condition, Judge

Hamilton is allowed a temporary stay on
the extradition order.

Well, I'm happy for you, Doc.

But the operative word in that sentence
is temporary.

Mr.

Tolliver, I know you've got your papers
and everything, but I tell you, Claude

could not have killed his wife. The
man's innocent.

He was convicted, sent to prison, and
escaped.

believe in him.

So you say.

Look, Doc, I'm delighted to stay in your
sunny Southern California over the

weekend. St. Louis being as cold as a
witch's hiney this time of year.

But come Monday, Bacevich... Sorry,
Claude and I are heading east.

But, you know, Judge Hamilton says... We
have judges in St. Louis, too, Doc.

One other thing we've got back there is
Christmas, and I have every intention of

being home for it.

And I'm sure as heck not going back
empty -handed.

And you can take that to the bank.

So let me understand this now. You came
all this way because your father is

convinced that Bacevich is an innocent
man.

Well, I know it sounds a little... I
don't know.

I've got an old man, too.

I'm 56 years old, and when my dad says
jump, I still say ha -ha.

Well, my dad's M .O. is a little
different. He tries to convince me that

is my idea.

Different style, same results.

Take a seat there. Thanks.

So, LAPD, huh?

You run into lots of movie stars out
there. Well, on occasion.

On the Bacevich case, you were the
investigating officer?

That I was.

We had a hypnotist put Bacevich under
and regress him for the night of the

murder.

Hypnotistic. You really are from
Hollywood, aren't you?

I guess it's not exactly conventional.

You guys from L .A., you crack me up.

So, what'd you find out?

He's a multiple personality or
something?

No, nothing like that. He remembered a
smell.

Oh, a smell.

Graham crackers and chocolate.

Does that mean anything to you?

Chocolate.

If I remember right, Mrs.

Bacevich went next door earlier in the
day to borrow chocolate from a neighbor.

But when we arrived, there was no
chocolate in the entire house.

Could she have eaten it all?

Yeah, she could have, but she didn't.

At least none showed up in the autopsy.

What'd you find in the dishwasher,
anyway?

Dishwasher. Let's see.

Oh, yeah, here.

Three coffee mugs, two small plates, and
a saucepan.

All spic and span.

I guess the killer could have carried
away the ingredients for s'mores and

just washed up before you got there.

S'mores? It's graham crackers and
chocolate.

I've got a granddaughter in the Scouts.

This is some cockamamie theory you've
got here.

All because of a smell he remembers.

Well, Mr. Bacevich told us that his wife
and her best friend used to cook up a

batch every time they got together.

Lily Andrews, he said.

Lots of money and influence there.

Did you talk to her at the time?

Mm -hmm. She was all broken up. Lost a
best friend.

She was convinced the base fish did it.

Nothing we didn't already know.

If you'd like to have a go at her, be my
guest.

Well, I wouldn't mind touching all the
bases. Just for my father's peace of

mind. Mm -hmm.

If you run into anybody out there that
needs a police consultant on a movie or

something... Oh, I'll be sure and give
them your name.

Thank you, Captain. All right.

Oh, my gosh.

So many memories.

Some of them very painful.

Sharon was... Well, it was like between
the two of us, we were one person.

I would know she was going to call me
before the phone even rang.

When she was upset, sometimes I'd find
myself standing on her doorstep, no idea

why. Would you like some sugar?

Oh, no, that's fine, thanks.

No idea why, until she opened the door,
and then...

And we laughed.

So much, so often.

I've never really gotten over... When
was the last time you saw her?

Two days before she died. Lunch at the
country club.

My husband and I had just joined.

Sharon and I, we would always make fun
of the kind of people who would join a

country club. We thought they were
phonies.

And the truth is, we really wanted to
belong so badly.

So the day we joined, I took Sharon to
lunch there.

And the day she died?

Well, I was supposed to go over to her
house. We were going to go shopping.

But there was a terrible storm, so I
didn't go. And then the phone rang, and

I... Oh, this was so strange.

I didn't expect it.

Wouldn't you think, as close as we were,
that I would have known she was dead?

So you stayed home all day that day?

Oh, I couldn't go anywhere. It was like
a monsoon.

I keep thinking, if I had been there
like I was supposed to be, Maybe I could

have stopped him.

What a bastard.

He was afraid she was going to leave
him, so he killed her.

Was there anyone here with you? Your
husband, maybe?

Oh, you mean my ex -husband, Jonathan?

No.

You think he might remember anything
helpful?

I doubt it.

He never seemed to remember much of
anything, even back then. Except which

was his at his favorite bar.

You can probably still find him there if
you want to go look.

Uh, Jonathan Andrews.

Oh, there's a hell of a coincidence.

That would be my name, too.

I'm Steve Sloan. I'm with the Los
Angeles Police Department.

What have you lost?

That's easy to do. Those damn freeways.

You know, I was out there once. I was on
my way to Newport Beach.

Next thing I know, I'm in Bakersfield.

I'm investigating the murder of Sharon
Bacevich. I'd like to ask you a few

questions. Oh, hold on.

That was crammed for an exam.

Frank.

Fire away.

Your wife. Ex -wife.

She says she was home all day the day
Mrs. Bacevich was murdered.

I don't suppose you have any independent
knowledge of that.

No, I wouldn't. Because it's not true.

Got going out that day, played a little
golf, but it started to rain.

So I ducked inside for a couple of
drinks, wade out the storm.

Finally, I decided I better go home.

She wasn't there.

You sure you're remembering the right
day?

You know, I can't remember where I
parked my car an hour ago, but I

remember every detail of that day.

And why is that?

I got home about 4 o 'clock.

I was surprised Lily wasn't home. The
weather was so bad.

I was there about an hour, and I went
back out to join some friends for a

Or should I say another?

And the police never talked to you?

As far as they knew, there was no reason
to.

Meaning?

I was having an affair with Sharon.

Did your wife know that?

I don't think anybody knew.

Certainly not all Andy Bacevich.

He thought everybody in the world was
just like him, trusting and naive.

But Lily, some women have a sixth sense
about those things.

There was one kind of strange thing.

I bought Sharon a pair of earrings.

Sent me back five grand.

As usual, I was drinking, wasn't
thinking, charged them on my platinum

Lily paid all the bills.

I kept waiting for her to bring them up.

But she never did.

I decided that she must have missed the
charge slip somehow.

I kept hoping that's what it was.

Sharon was a sweet kid.

So you know, Maddie, I was thinking,
what better way?

to get into the Christmas spirit than by
digging into a big fat plate of sticky,

messy ribs.

You mean that you'd be willing to feed
everyone from the shelter right here?

I'm going to need help.

We've got 20 volunteers.

That should do it.

What can I do?

Can you grab me some tinsel?

Very generous of you, Jesse.

Well, I figured I could spend the $600
on my family, or I could spend it on a

bunch of strangers who aren't going to
get drunk and tell me that I'm not

successful enough or thoughtful enough
or tall enough, for that matter.

You're very tall to me.

The earrings was one piece of evidence
we held back from the media.

When we found Sharon Bezovich, the lobes
were torn through.

Like someone who'd rip the earrings
right off of them.

At the time, we thought maybe the
husband, you know, to make it look like

robbery. But you never found the
earrings?

Nope. And Bacevich didn't seem to know
anything about them.

I mean, you had to be in one god -awful
rage to rip earrings off like that.

And you'd have to be a fool to hold on
to them all these years.

Some people like trophies.

Well, let's go see a judge about a
warrant.

Emerald earrings with platinum settings?

Not exactly my style.

They belong to Sharon Bacevich.

And you think that she gave them to me?

Well, maybe you took them.

I see.

Well, please come in. Look wherever you
like.

The warrant isn't for your house, ma
'am.

It's for your safety deposit box at
Merchant Trust.

It's where your ex -husband says you
keep all your valuable jewelry.

We'll need you to come along with us.

If you'll excuse me, I'd like to change
my clothes.

Cool customer.

It's probably one of them, Chief.

The Labradels aren't in, but he keeps
bugging me about them.

What'd you tell him? I didn't know what
to tell him. Hey, good looking. How did

I ever miss you?

Excuse me?

Amanda, this is Deputy Sheriff Harmon
Tolliver.

How do you do?

When I had my hernia operation last
summer, I sure as heck didn't see any

who looked like movie stars. Amanda
Bentley is a doctor.

Even better.

Gorgeous and rich.

If you'll excuse me, I have some actual
human beings I need to attend to.

Likes to play hard to get, huh?

You sent for me? Yes, I had a call from
my son, St. Louis.

The police are satisfied that the person
who murdered Mrs.

Bacevich is a Mrs.

Lily Andrews. No fooling. Which means
the clause innocent.

Of murder. Yes. But still guilty of
busting out of jail.

He should never have been in jail in the
first place. He's still a fugitive, and

I still have extradition papers.

The man's innocent.

Not until the system decides he's
innocent. That's how it works.

He'll have plenty of opportunity to
apply for a retrial or maybe even a full

pardon when we get back to Missouri.

That could take months.

Never known it to take less.

You know he'll be dead by then.

Doesn't seem fair, does it?

You know, I'm just curious, Homer.

Is there any part of you at all that
would like to see that poor man catch a

break? It's nothing personal, Doc, but
I've got my job to do.

I'll pick him up at 6 o 'clock in the
morning for the first flight back to St.

Louis.

Merry Christmas, barbecue bobs.

Hey, Mark.

No, Steve's not here.

Who?

Yeah, he's here. Why?

Okay, sure.

Yeah, I got it.

All right, bye.

You know, honey, I'm going to kind of
miss this place. Oh, yeah.

You know, you might want to consider
sticking around for another day.

Yeah? I've got a feeling you're about to
offer me a deal of some sort.

Tomorrow night is the hospital Christmas
party. You let Claude play Santa Claus

for one last time, and I'll convince
Mark to quit stalling on the

It's the guy's last Christmas.

Tomorrow's my day off.

I was planning on seeing in and stuffing
a stocking or two.

There, you see? You can't get any more
festive than that.

What time is the party over?

Ten o 'clock.

All right.

I come to the party, Bacevich plays
Santa Claus. The minute the party's

climb aboard Santa's sleigh and take off
to St. Louis.

Mr. Tolliver, you won't regret this.

I've got a feeling you could be right
about that.

Jet, I got a message you were looking
for me. Oh, yeah. Hey, I'm really sorry,

Steve, but I need you to work at
Barbecue Bob's tonight.

Oh, no, you don't. It was your idea to
bring all these people in. I have to

operate.

On Christmas Eve?

Yes, Dr.

Smith. Son -tin -ton.

Asked me to help. It's a transplant.

Doctor who?

On a young boy who's going to be given
the gift of sight.

I don't believe this. Steve, can you
imagine waking up on Christmas morning,

seeing the world for the first time?

I know you're going to miss the party,
but... I just wish you'd given me a

little more warning. You're going to
have 20 volunteers. It'll be a snap.

It's a Christmas party.

Excuse me.

All right.

I'll call in that room right there.

One piece of advice.

Any funny business, I'll cuff you right
in front of the kiddies.

And if I'm suddenly seeing two Santas,
I'm shooting both of them and sorting

things out later.

Understood?

Dr. Sloan told me that you're the one
responsible for letting me do this.

Really?

Appreciate it.

All right.

You realize that technically we're
breaking the law here. Well, the law

way 364 days of the year. There's got to
be one day when justice gets its turn.

What have you got?

Oh.

And it's been doctored. By the doctor.

I'd better get it back before he
realizes it's missing.

Yeah.

Dr. Traven?

I thought you were in the operating
room.

Yeah, I am.

Where are my volunteers? You said they'd
be here an hour ago.

They're not there yet?

You better get some and get them down
here to help me.

Yeah, I'm on it. Hey, Madison!

We've got a problem.

I used to be a short order cook.

Oh,

okay.

I used to be a waiter, but a damn good
one.

At least when I was sober.

Well, I'm sober now.

Well, great.

And I was a cab driver.

And what is it that you want to do?

Eat.

Ladies and gentlemen, kid, you know,
there is one among us for whom it is

impossible to shop.

Not because he has everything,
everything that matters anyway, like

and loyalty, courage and a kind heart.

No, what makes shopping for him such an
incredible headache is that the gifts

are just so darn hard to wrap.

Mark, would you come up here, please?

Now, from all of us to you, with much
love, I bring to you straight from

Oh,

hello.

Hi.

Hi.

How was Munich? Oh.

Beautiful stuff.

You'll say, are you married? We'll say,
no, man.

But you can do the job when you're in
town.

Later on, we'll conspire as we dream

by the fire to face a...

Then I'll get the car. All right.

Dr.

Sloan? Oh, there you are.

I can't go through with this. With what?

All you folks will get in trouble.

Not even a little bit of it.

I mean, after all, it's not our fault
that you disappeared with that reporter.

What reporter?

The one who came here with the
photographer from the Times?

No, we all saw you over there in the
corner talking to him.

And when we looked back, he was gone,
and so were you.

I mean, we'll all testify to it, Dr.
Travis, Dr. Bentley, I will.

Don't worry about old Deputy Sheriff
Tolliver over there. Before he'll tell

superiors that he was drunk on the job,
he's going to have them believing that

you were abducted by aliens.

Jesse's waiting outside to drive you to
Mexico.

He has friends down there who are
anxious to meet you.

I always did love Bougainvillea. Well,
then you're in for a treat, my friend.

How can I say thank you, Dr. Sloan?

Gracias.

Muchas gracias.

Vaya con Dios, my friend.

Vaya con Dios.

Bogan Villa are to die for.

Yes, for the life of me, I can't quite
make out that signature. What is it, you

think? Clark?

Yeah, could be Clark.

Cecil, maybe.

Cecil? You got a friend named Cecil, do
you? Yeah, I do. In the Navy.

You weren't in the Navy. He was in the
Navy.

And he still sends you postcards?

Oh, yeah.

Once a year, isn't that something? Mm
-hmm.

Merry Christmas, Dad.

Merry Christmas.