Original subtitles

Sexual Surrogate is a cutting -edge drama about a dedicated therapist who

her body and soul to help families in crisis.

You want me to buy a series about a hooker?

She's a licensed healthcare professional. It's a perfectly legal and

side of the medical profession we've never seen before on television.

We're the Family Values Network, remember?

Our viewers want people to go to angels, not hookers, to solve their problems.

What about big man on campus?

A theology student with a Bible and a badge.

Think Brad Pitt.

We don't have Brad Pitt.

Brad Pitt wasn't always Brad Pitt. For a long time, he was just Brad Pitt.

Big man on campus is Hunter meets Wiseguy on 21 Jump Street, and we have

Burley running the show.

Burley has not had a hit in 10 years.

Anthropologists should freeze him now so people in the future can see what the

1980s were like. This is his big comeback.

He's just delivered a pilot. It won't kill you to see it.

Anything else?

Send Harry in. Yes, ma 'am.

We've got three more bags of this in the mail room.

Imagine that. Mail in the mail room.

What's the point?

We're all from fans of space cops.

You mean fat women with unicorn jewelry and elf statuettes, dreaming of finding

a man as affectionate as their cats.

The spaces are a very devoted group of viewers.

In fact, research shows most are baby boomers and their children, all of whom

fall comfortably into the 18 to 49 demographic.

Given time and patience, space cops could become a multimedia phenomena.

Not even if it had Brad Pitt.

We have things to discuss. Walk with me. I'm late to a taping.

Everybody hates me. They all want to see me fail.

You're under enormous pressure. There's no doubt about it. But you don't help

yourself by doing this.

They hate me because I'm so damn good?

You're my lawyer, not my publicist.

I am your oldest friend and your sorority sister, which makes me one of

people who can say, what the hell were you thinking? I can't just sit there and

let the entire TV industry trash me in the press.

Yes, you can.

You can't lose.

The only way you'll go is if they fire you. And if they do that, they still

to pay you the balance of a $15 million contract.

It's not the money I care about. It's the respect.

Money is respect in this business.

The salmon are running.

That's great, Dad. What are they running from?

That was a joke.

Look, Dad, if I can remove a spleen, I'm sure that I can bait a hook with a live

worm.

Okay, look, why don't we talk about it when I get there?

Okay, I do, too.

You bet. Bye, Dad.

Visiting with your dad?

My vacation is coming up in a couple of days, and I made the mistake of telling

him. Now he wants to spend a week with me fishing in Oregon.

Well, that's great, isn't it?

I don't know. I mean, I haven't seen the guy since my parents were divorced.

That's when I was in high school.

He's remarried. He's got step -sons. He's got a big dog.

But he's not calling them. He's calling you, and this is your opportunity to get

to know him.

What's the point now?

I remember you telling me that you envied the father -son relationship that

Steve and Mark have.

I do.

Well, this is your chance to build your relationship with your dad.

But I don't want to have that with my dad. I want to have it with Steve's dad.

The two most enduring genres on TV are cop shows and medical dramas.

You are a franchise.

A what?

You're serious.

I call it Dr. Danger.

He heals the sick, he deals the scumbags. His weapons are a stethoscope

gun. Well, I don't have a gun.

Nuns don't fly, cars don't talk, and angels don't look like Della Reese. So

what? I need you for the pitch to ground the concept in reality.

That's what I'm talking about.

Good. Well, welcome aboard.

You know, this, uh...

sudden interest in my life. It wouldn't have anything to do with Rachel Woodrow

being my patient, would it?

A year ago, you exposed my wife as a sick, twisted, money -hungry murderer

sent her to prison.

That revelation tore my life apart.

By doing this project, maybe I can make some of the pain go away.

I'm sorry.

I had no idea. No, it's... I keep it locked inside.

But you know, a good pitch would probably live Rachel's spirits. Not

Look, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll help you with your project on one condition.

You leave Rachel alone until she's healthy, until she's back at work.

You protect your patients because you're a doctor who cares.

There's something like that.

Finding germs with medical science and injustice with his fists.

Did you get a look at the driver?

It was a spacey.

Excuse me?

One of those obsessed space cop fans in a Star Command uniform. I canceled the

show. They tried to kill you because of a TV show.

TV is an intimate medium.

You let these characters come into your house every week.

And for some people, the characters are almost real.

I didn't cancel their favorite TV show.

I killed their closest friends.

Well, I'll look into it.

I think he's with you when you go.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I need those to stay in touch with you often. I know.

The fax machine and TVs go next.

Dr. Sloan, you're killing me.

No, I'm not. These are.

You need to cut down on stress.

I thought you said that my condition had stabilized.

Stabilized, yes.

But you have high blood pressure. You have a family history of heart disease.

You need rest.

It's pilot season, Dr. Sloan.

That kind of a mindset is going to drive you right to a heart attack, my friend.

Karen, explain this to him.

Dr.

Sloan. Rachel's ambition her entire life has been to become the top programming

executive at a major network.

She hasn't slowed down one second getting there.

It's time she did.

Traitor. I'll be back later.

It's a good thing you knew about the nitroglycerin pills.

We were in the same sorority in college, Dr. Sloan.

We didn't have any secrets from each other.

You know, I have one for you, Karen.

That attack was just a warning.

She has got to take it easy.

You think she will?

Well, only if the next guy who tries to run her over doesn't miss.

Dave Spacecock, this is Normak.

Yes, you can.

Welcome aboard, Lieutenant Sloan.

I'm always glad to assist a fellow officer.

And, uh, you are?

High Admiral of the UEO.

United Extraterrestrial Operation.

I met here on Earth.

In the real world?

What's it say on your driver's license?

Oh, uh, Ernie Cooley.

What is all this, Ernie?

We're mounting an international campaign throughout fandom to save space cops.

We're spamming the internet. We're leafleting the SF convention.

You're running over network executives?

Who do you think we are, Babylon 5 fans? Each of us has sworn to uphold the

space cop creed. To protect those of other races, other places, other faces.

take justice and peace to the furthest edges of space and beyond.

Beyond.

I get your point, Ernie, but whoever tried to kill Rachel Woodrow was wearing

one of these uniforms.

Clearly this is an attempt to besmirch the species.

Anyone can wear the uniform, but not everybody can embody it and the ideals

represents. You're right.

You're right.

I don't deserve to wear the patch.

Someone had to stop her from destroying the universe.

I'm just sorry I failed.

You do all know that this is just a TV show, right?

Don't leave here one minute earlier than necessary.

You're much more important to us than any network schedule.

Thank you, Carl. I really appreciate that.

We're behind you 1 ,000%. You're very

lucky to have such an understanding boss.

He's a viper.

Relax. Regroup.

Center yourself.

Those are code words for don't bother looking over your shoulder. The knives

already in your back.

I had no idea the television business was so brutal.

Doggy dog and all the dog's puppies.

You ever think of doing something else?

When can I get out of here?

Well, Rachel, I was going to release you today. Good, because I was going to

leave in two minutes anyway.

Rachel, I have told you, you have to slow down.

You've got to cut down on the stress.

I'm the first woman to run a network.

If I suddenly slow down, this is going to confirm everything that they already

think.

That I can't take the pressure.

That I'm too fragile. Too weak for the job.

I'm afraid that's the truth.

I'm going to send an assistant to pick up all this stuff.

Thank you very much, Dr. Sloan, for everything.

Hey,

there you are.

What's up?

Well, you know, I'm supposed to go on vacation tomorrow.

Great. Have a wonderful time. The thing is, I think I picked the wrong month to

go. Statistics clearly prove that more patients come in now than any other time

of the year.

Oh, I think we'll manage.

Well, I think you may want to look at these statistics yourself. And while

you're doing that, I'm going to call my travel agency and see if I can get

another flight.

You're that eager to avoid seeing your father?

I would rather spend a week in proctology.

Calling. Doctor.

Danger. That's trusty assistant Derek. It's Jesse.

Derek is better, trust me. So, I got a pitch with Rachel. Meet you at her

today at three.

Rachel? She just left here.

Shows you how eager she is to snap this up before CBS gets it.

Hey, Troy works too.

Walk with it, roll with it, see how it plays.

Jackson Burley.

Writer, producer of My Gun Has Bullets and the Young Barnaby Jones Chronicles?

I don't think I saw them.

Even if you live in a cave, you can get cable.

Join our culture, Mark. It's fun.

Jack, how's it going?

Well, I took the back road up, but I will not bite the fat lady's bullet when

the preacher sings for me.

Oh, same goes triple for me.

What did he say?

I have no idea, but I agree with him wholeheartedly.

So, uh, you here to pitch Rachel? She's screening my pilot.

Big man on campus. That's a man with two N's.

He's a theology student with a 4 .0 average and a .357 magnum. Oh, you know,

I... I heard the buzz on that is so high you can get altitude sickness just

talking about it. Used to be I didn't have to wait for anybody.

Got a 22 -episode commitment for my grocery list.

You know, I think I saw that show.

This is our third date, Cindy. I need more from you.

I'm not that kind of girl.

And I'm not that kind of guy.

Then what is it you want?

I want to know you.

To understand you.

To touch your soul before I touch your body.

You are different from all the other boys.

Maybe I can show you who I really am.

What I truly believe in.

in a sorority to satanic cult. It's not a cult.

It's an alternative lifestyle.

No. Open your black heart to Satan, TJ.

We have...

Jack, you know CPR?

Are you kidding? I've done five medical shows. Call an ambulance.

Blow out the candles on your pinogram, baby.

You're all under arrest.

What? This sucks.

She's dead.

Worse than I thought.

It's pretty cut and dry.

She died of a heart attack, Mark.

Well, Rachel knew she was at high risk for coronary problems.

It was a death that didn't have to happen. Oh, in more ways than one.

I found glucose under her tongue.

Glucose? The nitroglycerin pills were replaced with sugar pills. This was

murder. Did you say murder?

Hey, isn't that Rachel Woodrow? Jesse, we can handle it.

Well, not without my help.

We need someone to negotiate the...

Labyrinthian quarters of power at NBC?

Jesse, you haven't had a vacation in over a year now, and you don't want to

your dad down.

But the investigation.

We'll tell you all about it when you get back.

Have a good time.

Did he say labyrinthian?

We know you're the best person for the job.

I really appreciate the support, Carl.

Rest assured, we're behind you 1 ,000%. Thank you.

My way of saying that you cracked through the wall without shaving the

off the cake, baby.

Thanks. I just wish it happened differently.

Rachel was like a sister to me.

Well, Rachel was the glory and the hope.

The fire that burns and the flowering rose that stings the least.

And the way to honor her memory is to deliver a kick -ass schedule.

Well, that's my commitment to her and to this network.

So, uh... Where are you putting, uh...

Big man on campus.

Oh, sorry, Jack. It's passe.

Well, it wasn't passe yesterday.

Nothing is passe yesterday. This is today.

The show just wasn't hip anymore. I need fresh ideas.

Look, I leveraged my whole studio to produce this pilot. If I don't get

something going, my deficits are going to kill me.

You want hip?

I got something so cutting edge.

The new Peter Pan.

He's a fairy.

With an attitude.

He had a fash.

It's too early to be developing for mid -season. Come back in a couple months.

I don't have a couple of months.

Thanks for the flowers, Jack.

Revealing from the sudden death of controversial MBC president Rachel

today TV's biggest stars share their poignant memories of her brief,

life. Well, you know, Rachel tried to get Family Matters for MBC.

She had this bizarre idea that she was going to revitalize the show.

Erkel and Winslow for hire.

Tough, gritty private eyes taming the mean streets with their unique brand of

crime fighting.

You know, she saw it as a drama. You know, the way, uh, Lou Grant left Mary

Tyler Moore.

Hey, it worked for me.

You got my message?

Beginning to wonder.

What message?

I forgive you for being late. Bringing Steve was a masterstroke.

You got your badge and your gun with you?

What are you doing here?

Well, you don't think you could pitch this alone, do you?

Pitching is a gift, my friend, and you just don't have it.

Now, Paige is waiting.

I'll do the talking, you fill in the gaps. We came to investigate a murder.

Not bad.

Try to be more convincing in the room. Rachel Woodrow was killed.

No problem.

That will give our picture immediacy and various similitude.

You must be Dr. Danger.

Dr. Mark Sloan, medical consultant with the police department.

That's me. It's his son. They live together, too, which brings the

home. We're investigating Rachel Woodrow's murder.

Someone switched her heart medicine with sugar pills.

A sweet way to die. That could be our pilot.

We're going to need all of her appointment books and belongings.

Help yourself. They're boxed up in the hallway.

You know, you've redecorated the office nicely.

Is that your way of saying it didn't take me long to move in?

Friendly as Santa, but cunning as a ferret, isn't he?

It's pilot season, Dr. Sloan.

I don't have time to mourn. I have to create a primetime schedule.

Sounds like Rachel's murder provided you with a career opportunity.

Yes, it did.

Ouch. Do you feel the heat? It'll radiate off the screen.

Did Rachel have any enemies?

She made careers and broke them. Of course she had enemies. If I'm any good

this, so will I. What about death threats?

Lance, could you have the mailroom prepare Rachel's hate mail for Detective

Sloan? Right away, Miss Jennings.

You can pick it up on your way out. The executive mailroom's last door before

the elevator.

Thank you for the time.

We'll be back.

Now that is a series.

Excuse us, this is the mail room. The heart of the network.

Barry Fellows, manager information services and operations.

Which is a fancy way of saying the mail guy.

You seem awfully well dressed for mail men.

Oh, we have to stay presentable at all times.

We deliver mail, faxes, and packages to every office in this building, from the

CEO to the lowest development executive. And if you want any of those jobs, you

start here.

They all did.

You know, all the executives seem so... Young?

Well,

youth is more important in TV than experience.

Rachel went from here to running the network in three years.

That's the rise and fall I've seen in my three decades here.

She didn't fall. She was pushed.

Steve Sloan, homicide.

We're here to get Rachel's hate mail.

Save us the trouble of shredding it.

That's all for Rachel? For the month.

Need some help down with it? That'd be nice.

Okay.

Hey, could you give these guys a hand?

What are you doing here anyway, Jesse? You're supposed to be fishing with your

dad. Well, I've gone undercover to help you guys explore the... The labyrinthian

corridors that powered NBC.

You're not an undercover cop, Jess. This is fraud.

No, it's not. I got this job honestly, based on my own qualifications.

You told them you were a surgical resident at Community General? Oh, you

did. You need a master's or better just to get an interview.

Competition is brutal.

You know, we don't know a thing about politics and network television anyway.

Maybe having a guy on the inside is a good idea.

Jesse Travis.

Man on the inside.

Sounds like a series.

See, I'm picking up the attitude already.

You got enough attitude.

You pick up on anything else?

Well, Harry told you that Rachel rose faster than anybody else. Paige just

that record, thanks to Rachel's death.

See, it all fits a pattern.

Anybody who gets in Paige's way is either fired or they quit. One way or

another, they're gone.

You think she'd resort to murder?

Well, like I said, it's pretty brutal.

And you know Jackson Burley, the guy who wrote Big Man on Campus?

Anyway, he was supposed to write Jack Blood, Action 5th.

Great movie. Excellent movie.

$150 million and counting.

Anyway, Rachel didn't let him out of his exclusive contract to write it because

he had to finish writing the last three episodes of the young Barnaby Jones

Chronicles. And when he did, she canceled it.

I think Jesse just done us a big favor.

isn't just another basic cable action show.

We're rewriting the grammar of television.

I had no idea.

Yes, that's why Rachel Woodrow didn't buy it.

She didn't have the guts to revolutionize the medium.

Now that she's gone, network TV will have more shows with an edge.

Well, dead cops coming together to make one great crime fighter.

Franken -cop!

I thought you picked a good day to visit. We're doing the big mud wrestling

sequence this afternoon.

You know, 20 years, they're going to be saying Frank and Cop in the same breath

with Police Story, Hill Street Blues, Airwolf.

You know, Rachel, she could have had this.

She lacked a vision.

Rachel could have had a lot of things. What she lacked was nitroglycerin pills.

Someone switched them with sugar pills and killed her.

You think I look good for that?

You were the last person to see her alive. You could have switched the pills

during your meeting.

Why would I do that?

It cost you a movie career and then canceled your show.

Let me rephrase that.

Why would I do that when she hadn't decided whether to pick up Big Man on

campus? She was watching the pilot when she died.

Revenge?

You know, they got a lot of guts in basic cable.

I don't know, but it takes a whole lot more than just guts.

What they don't have is money.

And I'm deficit financing this whole thing.

I really need a network show to generate cash flow.

Like they say, you can walk the talk, but don't run the gun if you can't stand

the hand.

What did I always say? I swear by the goo that the anthro -bio -mebicide who

canceled the greatest show in the universe will feel my wrath and tremble

my righteous fury.

Unbelievable.

Telling me, a fan base that devoted is something showrunners can only dream

about. What kind of a person would write that?

Clearly someone who doesn't live by the space cop's creed. Huh?

To protect other races and other faces.

3 ,000 people write in trying to save the show. I figured it's worth a look.

The question is, is it worth a life?

Well, the outer space law enforcement theme specifically targets the key young

urban males that advertisers crave and the rugged... character of captain

is tremendously appealing to women 25 to 49.

well whoever did it had to have access to her office in order to switch the

pills well according to her calendar here that's just about everybody in the

television business i tell you during pilot season network president is the

popular person in the world and the loneliest what you

wanted an inside perspective i'm giving it to you we're still waiting for

something useful

Rachel's first development season was going to be her last.

Rachel was on her way out?

Who told you that?

No one told me. I saw the pilot she ordered.

Okay, look at it. You tell me what you think. These are pages from the pilot

that she was watching just before she died. It's T .J. Mann's first date,

And he takes this gal back to her sorority. And he says, I need to know

touch your soul before I touch your body.

Let me see that.

I need that, too.

But I can't have sex for free anymore.

It's $2 .50 a pop.

And if you're paying by check, I need two forms of ID.

Let me see that.

I don't believe it.

We just found the murder weapon.

Rachel Woodard was killed by this pilot.

The address is CBS.

Welcome home.

Okay, you got me. How does a TV pilot become a murder weapon?

It was what killed her. The sugar pills were just to ensure that it was fatal.

But how could the killer know that she would have been alone when she reached

for the pills?

Everyone knew that Rachel insisted on watching the tapes by herself.

She's seen so many bad pilots.

I mean, if Slim and the Nun didn't kill her, why would Big Man on campus?

This one was made especially for her.

Look at these pages.

Okay, sorority call girls. It's tacky, but it's nothing that Melrose Place

hasn't done.

That's not what's on the tape.

Open your black heart to Satan, T .J.

We have.

Thank you for coming in, Ms. Danino.

It would be in your best interest to come to the police station.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

I figured you wouldn't want to be in your office when we discuss Satan.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Then my mistake.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

I'll just come to your office if I have any more questions about Satan.

If one word of this leaks out, my lawsuit will bankrupt

your department.

Ms. Danino, your religious practices are your own business.

I'm just interested in Rachel Woodrow's murder.

Rachel was murdered?

By whom?

Someone who knew that your college sorority was full of devil worshippers.

We weren't a cult.

Sure, we rose to the occasional goat in the moonlight, but aside from the Latin

chant and the naked dancing, it was like any other barbecue.

Bunch of wholesome co -eds out to some good, clean fun on a Saturday night.

We were 18 and away from home for the first time.

Trying to rebel against our parents.

By worshipping the devil.

No one took it seriously at the time.

It wasn't until we were out in the real world that we realized how stupid we had

been. And how damaging it would be if anyone ever found out.

To a lawyer in a prestigious firm, I can understand. But the entertainment

industry seems to be a little more tolerant of...

Alternative lifestyles.

Sure. Do drugs, forge checks, sleep with your sister. Nobody in Hollywood cares.

But you light one lousy black candle.

Can you confirm what TV's harshest critics have been saying all along?

Don't think that Rachel and I didn't joke about it in the privacy of her

There are people in the flyover states who believe that shows like Married But

Available and His and Hers and Hers are deliberate attempts to undermine this

nation's moral values.

And if they found that the woman who'd put those shows on the air was

worshipping the devil... Even the USA network wouldn't have touched her.

Yeah.

Sadness? Mm -hmm.

They're a college sorority. That mean anything to you?

Yeah, it means, uh, Rachel Woodrow sold her soul to the devil, but she still

couldn't pick a hit TV show.

I'm glad you find death so amusing, especially since your pilot may have

her. Well, that's good writing.

That's murder.

We find out that script was deliberately changed to trigger the heart attack.

Listen.

You can floor both pedals, but you can't jam the rooster if he's looking down

the speculum.

I'll assume that wasn't a confession.

The only thing I'm guilty of is taking the worst story notes I ever heard.

Jeez, that whole Satan angle, that wasn't my idea.

Your name was on the script.

My script was a tone poem about fragile innocence meeting the brutal... The

reality of the cold streets.

So why did you change hookers to Satan worship?

Because you don't ignore a network president's notes and hope she'll pick

your pilot.

Rachel Woodrow told you to change it to Satanists?

She didn't have the guts to tell me directly.

I got the facts right here.

And you just happened to keep the memo all this time?

You saw the pilot, wouldn't you?

We have a few questions for you, Miss Jennings.

About Rachel Woodrow?

Spending her leisure time bowing down before Beelzebub?

You knew all along.

When I worked for her, I thought she was the devil.

I just found the truth out when reporters started calling about three

Fifteen minutes after I told Jackson Burley.

It's a small -town detective. No secret lasts for long.

Especially if it's faxed in the form of script notes.

That is your fax number, isn't it?

The show based on those notes caused Rachel's fatal heart attack.

If I'd known Rachel was a Satanist, I wouldn't have to kill her to get this

I could have called entertainment tonight.

Unless you really hated her.

Especially if I really hated her.

You can give me that steely cop sterile you want, detective. It's not going to

change the fact that I didn't know. Rachel barely trusted me with the

alone her deepest secret.

You didn't have to.

This room's booked.

The hottest story in primetime is full of bizarre twists, mysterious betrayals,

and satanic rituals.

But don't turn on your TV looking for it. This isn't fiction. It's what's

happening behind the scenes of network television.

Everyone is talking about fifth -place network NBC, which is reeling from the

revelation that the Nets' late president, Rachel Woodrow, was a Satan

and may have been murdered.

What was your relationship with Rachel Woodrow? Yeah, it's painful to talk

it, but she wanted me to do a buddy cop show called Siamese Cop.

But there was no way I was going to spend five years sharing a suit with

Baio. Were you surprised to find out about her secret past?

Well, I think it explains how the Anson Williams show got on the air.

What do you think about the scandal?

An urge towards Satanism is much like any other antisocial behavior, a

against the status quo, a way to say, look at me.

I'm different.

Can a Satan worshiper make it as a network executive?

The network president is a Satanist?

Someone murders her with a pilot? Sounds like a great TV movie.

You know, people have said that I look just like her.

Well, this mystery just continues to grow and grow.

How bad is it out there?

Oh, let's just say there's sometimes I'm really glad I'm not in the executive

suite.

I tell you, that's the one good thing about this job. Nobody ever blames the

in the mail room.

You think so?

At the 6 .30 delivery?

It is now 7 .15. Wait another 10 minutes before you deliver it, and then see if

nobody ever blames the guy in the mail room.

If I had any idea she was so troubled, I never would have offered her the job.

Did Paige ever mention suicide?

Well, she once said she'd rather be dead than work with Tom Arnold again, but

other than that, I never heard anything. So you have no idea why she would have

killed herself?

Job stress.

I'm telling you, running a major network is probably the most stressful job in

the world.

I can see how watching TV all day would be tougher than police work or emergency

medicine. It's because the product is entertainment doesn't mean the stakes

aren't high.

Every decision can mean millions of dollars.

And because there are no objective measures of quality in this industry,

never know if you've lost the touch.

Did Paige?

We'll never know.

Personally, I think she had.

I mean, honestly, guys, if you're going to pick up a show like Sexual Surrogate,

isn't it much smarter to put it up against a show like Touched by an Angel?

the audience a clear choice.

Look at this. Her Saturday night programs are hopelessly incompatible.

woman did not have a clue how to fight the other network sitcoms. What would

have done in her place?

Maybe we could arrange the schedule after we determined why Paige Jennings

killed herself. She didn't, unless she tied the computer cord around her neck,

jumped off the desk, and knocked herself out with a blunt object.

Well, that would mean that it's murder.

And maybe this is why.

It's a page playing with the bugs.

How long have you been listening to those tapes?

What?

Oh.

All night long.

I couldn't stop.

I mean, this is compelling stuff in here. Drama, intrigue, sex.

Sex? Oh, lots of it. Most of it in Paige's office and mostly with Jackson

Burley. Why would she bug her own office?

I don't know. Why did Nixon?

I bet you his tapes weren't nearly as entertaining.

But just as full of conspiracies and cover -ups and secrets.

Paige had the dirt on every executive in that building.

Well, now we know how she rose from the mail room so fast.

Unfortunately, it doesn't narrow down our list of suspects any.

There were at least a dozen people in there with a motive to kill her. And I

hadn't even finished listening to the tapes yet.

Lieutenant Frankenkopf comes to arrest the psycho killer.

But what he discovers is he's got this guy's brother's spleen smoldering in his

gut. The story arc is, how does a cop deal with having a homicidal maniac's

internal organs?

Can't tell you how many times that's happened to me.

Oh, we don't need another story consultant.

No, you may need a legal one.

You were sleeping with Paige Jennings.

Oh, of course. I mean, she was beautiful.

And she could greenlight development projects.

And when Paige moved into Rachel's place, she had the power to pick up your

and save your studio.

But you didn't do it.

Keep cranking, guys. I'll be right back.

Hey.

You're making the natives nervous.

They think there are no coconuts up in the trees. They're going to want to move

to another village.

Losing your studio can be a powerful motive for murder. And don't talk to me

about motives either. I've written more cop shows than anybody.

And I couldn't have hung Paige.

I got carpal tunnel syndrome.

Check my medical records.

What do you think about Dr. Doolittle as a private eye who hires animals as his

secret opponents?

Horrible.

Well, Rachel Woodrow ordered 13 episodes if she could get Chad Everett.

Well, maybe she was killed by viewers for quality television.

Yeah, I've heard them all. It's the last tape. And? The one that's missing.

How do you know?

Karen Donino told you she talked to Rachel in her office about their satanic

past? The tape isn't there.

Why would Paige keep the tapes on everybody, including her own lovemaking

Jackson Burley, and not the one that mattered most?

Yeah. And something else bothers me.

As Paige said, if she knew about Rachel's secret, she'd just, uh...

Release it to the press. Why go to all the trouble of scaring her to death?

Page always used what she knew against people until she rose so fast at NBC.

You know that missing tape?

What if she never had it?

I don't follow you.

What if she wasn't the one who bugged the office?

What if somebody gave her the tapes?

Someone with his or her own agenda to have Rachel dead and Page in her place.

Yeah, and Page has reneged on a deal somehow.

Yeah, but who?

We're no closer to the killer than we were before.

What do these two murders have in common?

Two beautiful women who started at the bottom and ended up running a network.

And that's how we're going to flush out this killer.

All done.

See you tomorrow, then.

What?

Oh, I don't know.

I just hate to leave this place.

Is your home life that troubled, son?

Oh, no.

It's just I'm learning so much here that I feel like every second away is wasted

time. The network is a vast and complex creature, Jesse.

It takes years just to realize how much you have to learn.

Mastering it is the work of a lifetime.

Harry?

Mr. Everest.

Is everything all right?

Well, I hope so.

Harry, you know we need a new vice president of development.

And you've come to warn us to expect a flood of resumes.

Last time a job like this opened up, four male boys got hernias.

Well, actually, we're not going to be reading resumes this time.

You know, I need someone who's got their finger on the pulse of the youth

culture, yet at the same time instinctively understands the medium.

I'll do anything I can to help, sir.

Good.

Because I feel really bad taking such a bright young assistant away from you.

How would you like to be the new vice president of development?

Man sect.

What is that?

Look, I don't think being half man, half moth really gives the guy that many

special powers.

No, I don't care if it is Greg Evigan.

Okay, lunch at Laguerre, you got it. Bye -bye.

Mandy, how goes the medical biz, huh? Let's talk while we eat. I'm starving.

Sorry, no time. Didn't my girl call your girl?

I don't have a girl. You should get one. They're great.

Look at this mess, huh? I got Bochco at one, Spelling at two, Pauly Shore at

three. Aren't you forgetting someone?

Chad Everett, 2 .30.

I'm talking about your father. You're supposed to be with him today.

Mandy, I can catch Salmon any day of the week.

How often do I get to spend my vacation programming a network?

Like father, like son.

My father didn't program a network.

No, but he always found a good excuse for not seeing you. And I bet you

that you'd never be the same way.

This is different.

Amanda.

Derek, my buddy.

It's Jesse.

Oh, my good friend. Do I have a script for you.

One minute. Go.

I like to call it Dr.

Danger. He listens to their hearts with a stethoscope.

He answers their cry for vengeance with his 357.

It needs work.

What kind of work?

Well, I see Dr. Danger as a young resident, witty, charming, irresistible

chicks.

What about the doctor and his son, the cop?

Huh, what about them?

Mail!

Uh, you know, Harry, why don't you just put the scripts on the floor there and

put the mail in my girl's basket outside? I'd like to talk to you.

You know...

I'd love to talk to you, Harry, but right now I'm in the middle of a pitch,

got a five -minute window at four.

What is it with mailmen? Like all the rest.

You all start in my mailroom, you all go to the top, and did any of you ever

bring me with you?

Harry, I've had this job for three hours. Give me a chance.

I've been here 30 years waiting to be noticed, stuck in that windowless pit.

You've been here two days.

Two days, and you've got VP stripes in a corner office.

Hold it, Harry.

Just what I thought.

You taught Rachel everything you knew, thinking she'd get you out of that

mailroom. When she didn't, then you pinned your hopes on Paige.

I did everything I could for her. You bugged all the offices to give her the

dirt she needed to get ahead.

You even had Rachel removed by faking the faxes to Jackson Burley so he'd

dramatize her secret.

So his promotion, it was just a trick?

I'm afraid so.

I figured if we promoted somebody with no experience and no talent, you'd

Man, thanks a lot.

Put the gun down, Harry.

I hate television.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used

against you.

So how did you know it was him?

Well, whoever bugged the executive suite and intercepted all of Rachel's taxes

had to be somebody who had access to every office.

And that was just Harry.

And working with him in the mailroom was the only connection between Rachel and

Paige.

Brilliant. You think that was good?

Wait till you see next week's episode.

I call it Dr. Danger.

Jesse, I didn't mean to say you didn't have any talent.

So you want to see my fall lineup?

Call it Welcome Home.

He knew about my secret past.

You would have gotten away with it too, if only you hadn't polished your

fingernails.

Read her her rights.

Oh, make sure that she gets one of these pills three times daily.

It'll never work.