Original subtitles

No toothpaste or shampoo.

How come D -Wing got tons of the stuff then?

Babs has gone to heaven.

There ain't no heaven, girl.

All that banter yesterday from D -Wing about us getting extra bans.

That account programme's got to disappear.

OK? And I don't want Babs here dropped on you.

I thought we could, like, make up now, team.

Being that I've finished with the gang and all.

You finished Virginia.

That's why I'm finished with you.

I think she might be genuinely sorry now, Tina.

Karen Beth is the one who deserves this job.

I'm giving it up to her.

I'll be back in uniform tomorrow.

It's not your fault he was still born.

He wasn't still born.

He was still alive.

Morning.

Morning.

Oh, look at you, Bridget Bardot.

How's the Costa del Sol?

Distant memory since I stepped back in here.

Bring us back any nice presents?

I brought back the satisfaction of knowing where Dockley met her watery

My Bobby and I had a day trip to the very spot.

Nice to have you back, Phyllis.

Since when have you been out of civvies?

Since I quit being wing -gov.

Quit? Well, felt compromised, didn't I, as a manager?

Grayling and his so -called reforms.

If you ask me, the likes of us will never be cut out for the top.

All do -gooders soft in the head and ninnies like Stuart.

Neil's no softy self.

Oh, hark a tear over there.

Neil now, is it? Which side's your bread buttered?

After number one.

He's the one who makes her toast in the morning.

Anyway, you're back in time to supervise another funeral service.

Well, if it's an inmate, I'm happy.

Please be seated.

Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.

The Lord giveth, and the Lord hath taken away.

May the name of the Lord be praised.

Now, if you'd all please join me in prayer.

May no one listen.

I'd have thought you'd jump at the chance of your old job back.

Usually I would.

Look, I admit my judgment has been off in the past, but I need your help to put

that right.

The women deserve someone they respect, especially after Jim.

Is Jim the problem?

Transfer him somewhere else and I'll think about it.

You know the POA would be up in arms if I did that.

You'd have the advantage of being his boss.

Sorry, Neil.

Maybe I just can't be bothered.

Yes?

There's two home office inspectors at the gate lodge, sir.

They're here now?

Now, before we end, I'd like to invite anyone who wishes to share a few words

step forward.

Baxter

was just

a baby.

All he ever done was needed loving and looking after.

So why did he die when there's evil murderers and terrorists walking the

I tell you.

It's because there ain't no justice.

And there ain't no gods.

Right, Gordon, that's enough.

Please, don't try and do that.

I'll come up with a safe answer. It's your liberty, then. Go ahead.

I wanted him as number one, so I just loved him.

I've done enough urgent things to be doing.

Oh, I know. Come on, go on.

And we've been told we can beat.

Look, didn't they kill Baxter?

With his cockroaches and his filth and his mould?

You tell them, Crystal.

Bloody disgrace.

And his shit doctors and nurses. They didn't put him in that box.

Pissed shit old bastard.

Look, we know you're upset.

We all are.

But you've had your say.

Ain't no -one telling me it's right a baby dies in prison.

An inspection?

Here? Today?

That's why I need you, Sylvia, to be my new G -Wing acting governor, with

immediate effect.

Oh, sir.

I... I don't know what to say. Well, I'm hoping you'll say you'd like the job.

Well... If you think I'm up to it, sir... I have no doubt. Your commitment

the canteen privatisation proves that you've got something.

Albeit your computer class was somewhat short -lived.

Only on account of the computers themselves dying on us, sir. Well, let's

celebrate our canteen's success.

Get me a copy of the accounts to wave in front of them. I'll get straight on to

it, sir.

Right.

Better go and greet them.

I'll head them off round the other wings first.

Make sure that V -Wing's got its best face on by lunchtime.

Look at that numpty. She's gone soft in the head.

Don't let it get to you.

Crystal.

You did great in there.

Thanks.

I'm so sorry, girl.

To overthink.

You don't think it was my fault, do you?

Maybe it was too much to take him back to the park.

Only I thought it was going to make him better.

You made him better.

Only time he ever smiled was when he was with you.

In fact, he probably thought you were his mum.

That's a bollocks man, isn't it, Crystal?

He was a great mum to him.

One day he's laughing, look.

The next day he's in a book.

You know what you told me about your own baby?

What you talked to me about in Boogie?

Like I killed Tina, ain't it?

First Lennox, now Baxter.

Is that what you called him?

Lennox?

Only in my head.

If you're sure he was alive when you left him, he still might be.

How can a baby live in a public toilet, man?

He's dead.

Just like Baxter.

King's Cross is a busy place, Bookie.

Chances are someone found him.

Can you remember the exact date?

Oh, that must come, man. You know what I'm saying?

He would have been a Leo, though.

I know that.

One of the girls he was there with before.

Yeah, that's what he was.

Why did he get them that day?

How are you feeling?

Rosebed, isn't it?

I do totally understand your anger.

It's such a waste of a young life.

But I did think the new chaplain did a sterling job.

You had to bollock his way it was, Babs.

He just told lies, like everybody else.

Max, you're going to have to snap out of this.

I just did my head in, all right.

The coffin was barely big enough for a cat.

So much for being top dog.

Peckin' massive.

Do you want to shut it, you wee shite?

Why? What are you going to do?

Put up your tux off and shove them up your arse?

That's what.

Go on then, Albert.

Do your work.

Oi!

What's going on?

Nothing, sir.

Your shiz was just showing me around house.

Weren't you, shiz?

Well, in future, keep your martial arts in the gym.

Understood? Sorry, sir.

Won't happen again.

Like the screw said, gym, association, tonight.

You're on.

Fine by me.

You're selling tickets for this?

Sounds like a chance to run a book.

It's just a matter of checking the papers for that year.

I mean, what's Leo? August?

Mark, what are you trying to do here?

Well, say a baby didn't die.

Say it was adopted.

Yeah.

Well, it'll, you know, make her feel better about herself.

Knowing she's got a son out there, living with some strange family she's

allowed to know anything about.

Well, it's obviously been easier for her to think he's dead, hasn't it?

Shit.

Mark, I'm starving.

Guess he was asked to be the new wing governor.

Eh? I told him no way.

Karen.

I'm off home to put a suit on.

You thought you'd be back in yours, didn't you, Karen?

But it seems that Mr Grayling might not be quite so soft as I suppose.

It's called me, ma 'am, now.

Who's not made you wing governor?

Acting. Protent.

And you'd better all start acting the professional.

We've got a couple of home office snoopers turned up for a spot

Looking up past Tyler could put her out of business.

I'm set to clean up.

Yeah.

A third gets mullered in the process.

But ain't there enough shitty violence in this place without you taking bets on

it? What's this?

Yvonne Atkins letting herself slide out the closet.

I'm afraid we're about to be outed.

Not me, mate. I came out when I was 12.

What are you banging on about?

The canteen accounts.

Hollenby wants us set for the number one.

I get stressed.

We all knew it would come.

But it's in the programme, right?

Do you want your sausage?

Oh, look, she's going to cry again.

He must be off his trolley.

Neil wouldn't have made her off if he didn't think she was capable.

Oh, come on, Di, you know as well as any of us, she's a lazy old dinosaur.

Well, there's only one of us here ought to be in that job.

Afternoon, Soph.

Congratulations and all that.

Thank you, Jim.

I knew I could count on your support.

Mr Grayling, Neil, has placed his faith in me.

And I'm determined to work with the POA to make Lark Hall a better prison for

all my officers.

What about the inmates?

Mrs Hollenby, the account's for you. Thank you, Hunt.

Off to an occasion, Miss? Mrs Hollenby's our new wing governor, Barbara.

Gosh.

As you all know, we have an inspection on our hands.

So, hide your desktops, please.

No first -name terms with the cons.

The inspectors are more interested in the women's welfare.

If you hadn't recently been demoted, your input might be of more interest.

Right. Chop, chop.

I jacked in my position so you could beat Wingove.

Do you really think I believe all that?

Self -sacrifice, bull.

I don't understand you, Karen.

You'd rather lumber us with Sylvia.

She can't possibly be any lower down the scale than you.

Come in.

Ah, Sylvia.

Thank you so much.

This is Inspector Nigel Sims.

How do you do? How do you do? And his colleague, Melissa Shaw.

How do you do? This is Sylvia Hollenby, acting governor of G -Wing.

She recently led a very successful experiment in privatising the prison

Sounds positive.

How does this enterprise work, Mrs Hollenby?

Well, we're basically buying for less and selling for more.

The profits generated are to be ploughed back into prison facilities.

Is this correct?

Is there a problem?

It would appear so.

Then maybe Mrs. Hollenby can tell us if we're looking at the profit column or

the loss column.

Only the canteen seems to have been making considerable losses over the last

weeks.

Bloody hell, Babs, you sure?

Miss Barker said so.

I know I can't stand Fenner, at least he ain't got shit for brains.

What kind of twat is Graham?

A twat who's probably up in arms about the canteen accounts right now.

Make my day through that Peckham lot, get a good clobbery.

Honey, we don't think little Shaz is... Shaz?

Right, try the other one, try the other one.

Up to it.

Oh,

we'll bang a jack alive on her anyway.

Pull up.

Right, well, I hope you girls are going to be on your best behaviour today.

Why, Miss? Because we've got the prison inspectors coming in later.

And we want to show them that G -Wing's the best wing on Larkhall, don't we? Oh,

we'd better throw a party for them then. Yeah, buy them all cream cakes.

You heard Miss Barker, girls.

We'll give them a visit they'll never forget.

Yeah, right.

That ugly bulldog's a lot

meaner and tougher than you both.

I know.

Maybe I should fight her instead.

It's too late now, isn't it?

Yeah, well, if things ain't going your way, I'm going to put the boot in her

nose. Bollocks to rules.

I'll wrap her frigging head up and shut in her neck.

No, you won't.

I have what they want.

No, you won't, because you ain't taking her on, Al.

Where's all the stout gone?

Well, I did think we were going through it pretty quick.

Especially G -Wing.

I want a word with you, Hunt.

What's happened to all the missing canteen stock?

I, er... I just entered the spends into the computer. I don't handle the stock

at all.

Well... Apart from the remunerations, we agreed.

Half the entire supplies?

No.

Has this got anything to do with you, Atkins?

I'm just a paying customer.

Right, you lot.

Listen up.

You think you're clever, do you? Well, you're not clever enough.

Every resaleable item from the canteen. is to be confiscated and returned to

stocks. So you can all go back to your cells and put your ill -gotten gains out

ready for collection.

I've ordered me. Anyone who disobeys will be on a rule 43.

And that's a promise.

Right. You've got 15 minutes to eat, drink and smoke a little bit of

OK?

Might as well throw us to the lions.

A mass confiscation. That's right.

Have you any wiser ideas, Karen?

Well, a more softly, softly approach for a start.

Karen does have a point, you know. Going hard and we could be dodging flying

Mars bars.

If we don't, we're going to lose hundreds of pounds from prison funds.

And we've got a bunch of flaming inspectors poking their noses

So get out there and start confiscating.

Yeah.

Sorry,

Julie. I've got to take all your returns now.

Oh, I wouldn't even give that lot to a charity shop, would you, June?

Be an insult.

Very clever, Julie.

so you can demolish a packet of cheese and onion.

Can you handle the munchkins, high -flying kicks?

Yeah, well, we'll soon find out, won't we?

What do you mean, Maxie?

Look, I'm being shat on every bleak day. I'm a laughingstock.

If you lose tonight, you're going to be even worse off.

Yeah, well, don't worry yourself, Al.

I ain't going to lose.

I've had to drag Blackhall into the 21st Open, trying to get some mutual respect

between the staff and the residents.

Now, it's not been easy, particularly on our infamous G -Wing, but I think

you'll note a more positive interface.

It's under control, sir.

Looks like you'll fight, sir.

Pounds that don't add up.

Riot of a half -fingered pit cat. Not exactly the best start to your term in

office. Excuse me, sir, but all this happened whilst I was on holiday.

I'm as angry about it as you are.

But if you feel I'm not up to the job of wing governor... I don't want another

circus act in front of the inspectors tomorrow.

Best keep the cons banged up till they're away, then. That isn't a

Sylvia. It just encourages them to kick off more.

Unlock for tea, then?

Yeah. Me.

I thought I'd see how you are.

After earlier.

Not good.

The inspectors have gone.

We need to go home, I think. Get a nice bottle of wine.

I'll change into something more comfortable.

No, not tonight, darling. Not after the day I've had.

You put off pretty easily, really, aren't you, Neil?

Hmm?

First time I hassle at work and you want to go home to bed with a couple of

aspirin.

Bit of rumpy -pumpy.

That's the office dress I know.

Unless you can't manage it.

Right, come on. I thought we were banged up.

Change of plan.

Why can't you screws make up your mind?

Well, you want to stay locked in for association?

Don't mind.

Beat it. Come on. Out.

Yeah, we'll all end up on sick leave if that woman's allowed to carry on. The

job's yours for the asking.

No, thank you.

You'd be rubbing Fenner's nose in it. It's not about scoring points, Mark.

You still have no idea what's happened to me, do you?

Why should you?

You're a man.

You can't carry on like this, Karen.

Sooner or later, you're going to have to trust someone.

What? This is doing my head in.

You can't even look me in the eye.

Why would I want to turn my stomach?

Get ready to die, Jimmy Cranky. You want to fight the Peckham?

You're fighting me, right?

Eh?

You heard.

Nice one.

No worries, babe.

You've got to call it off, Dean.

Maxie ain't no fighter.

What are you freaking out for? I thought you hated Maxie's guts.

I do. It's just that I... Hold him.

All the more reasons to back Shaz, isn't it?

You aren't going along to watch, are you?

She told us the gang was history.

I want to see them go down for good.

Don't turn your back on your Christian values.

I told you.

I don't believe in God no more.

He's a shit.

Not playing netball, then?

Not doing nothing.

I've been thinking, sir.

Can you find out for me from the papers about Linux?

Whether, you know, whether he got found alive.

Yeah, I can do it, though, Kate.

Is that really what you want?

Please, sir, I've got to know.

Whose favourite is it?

Think that'll build out to pretty even.

Cool.

Come on!

All right, ladies, this is your last chance.

I won't be able to... Er, next to... Oi, William Hill, we're going to get a move

on before another screw turns up or what.

Yeah, all right, keep your G -string on.

Why are you doing this? You can't even fight.

Looks like you care, Tim.

Yeah?

Well, I don't. Go on, then. Get your head kicked in.

Tommy knew what it feels like.

Right. Fighters to the middle.

OK.

Rounds of three minutes.

One minute breaks in between.

No points, no draws.

Fight isn't over until one of you says submit.

No weapons, scratching, biting, fanny -grabbing or poking.

Save that for the privacy of your own self.

Referee's word is final.

May the sexiest woman win.

I know how annoying sisters can be, Michael, but you've still got to look

after her.

Especially now I'm not around.

Look, I've got to go, darling.

I'll speak to you soon.

I love you, too.

Sorry.

Don't be.

It's been hard for all us mums seeing that tiny coffin.

I couldn't even begin to imagine.

Oh, God, it's quiet tonight.

It's an idiotic fight. Can't you do something to stop it?

I might be a mum on the outside, but I can't be a mum to all the daft kids in

here and all.

Right, ladies.

Tiptoe this way, please.

OK, kill the lights.

Let the shit -kicking commence!

Baxter is safe.

In God's arms. I promise you that.

I just wish others felt the same.

I fear a friend of mine has lost her faith since Baxter passed away.

Crystal Gordon?

It happens.

Especially after the death of a child.

It's usually a temporary thing.

Perhaps I should have a word with her.

Or would you? God needs all the foot soldiers he can get.

I'm sure it would help.

Thank you, Reverend.

Henry.

Call me Henry.

And I'm Barbara.

Why don't you stop it?

Why won't you?

What use would I be?

Only one with that sort of clout is you, and you know it.

Stop.

Dick with you now, babe.

Debt one of the big gang.

You should have roughed the fight for us. There's no -one all round now.

The bishop told me about the post.

I suppose I was ready for something different.

It's a big difference from your average village, Church.

Well, there's all walks of life, wherever you go.

I mean, who'd ever imagine someone like you being in prison?

Who'd ever imagine they'd send someone like me to prison?

All I did was grant my husband's wishes to die.

I'm afraid I can't condone your crime, Barbara.

God gives life and he takes it away.

Well, let's just say I gave God a helping hand then.

Peter couldn't bear the pain and I couldn't bear to watch him suffer.

Call me weak.

Ah, human weakness.

Now, that's something I understand.

After all, I have plenty myself.

There'll be a lock -up soon.

You'd better go, then.

I don't want you getting into trouble with the screws.

Night. Night.

Barbara.

I enjoyed our chat.

Me too.

And I will speak to your friend.

Crystal. That's a promise.

I hope she's not brain -damaged at all.

You didn't have to kick her so hard!

Why didn't you stop?

You sure you don't want to see a nurse?

Yeah, get her to put something on them bumps.

I don't want nothing.

Just piss off.

Wouldn't you?

She's wide awake now, Tina.

You got some tea? No, that's not a good idea.

She's not in the most flexible of moods at the moment.

We'll give it to her tomorrow.

Okay.

I'm sorry, right?

Take appointing Jim Wing governor.

And now I've made an even bigger talk -out with Sylvia.

With the inspection going pear -shaped.

Relax.

Is that all you bloody

think about?

Your taxi, dear.

Di, please don't leave it like this.

It's you who wanted to leave, Neil.

I didn't mean... Of what?

That I'm a sex maniac?

Oh, come on. I think it's you with sexual problems, actually. Look, I'm dog

-tired and stressed out. I thought you might understand that.

Yeah, well, you'll have to hope the inspectors understand.

I'm sure they'll pick up the rumours about you and Jim Fenner.

Do you really think...

If I wasn't attracted to you, I'd be contemplating asking you to move in with

me.

Me?

But if you've already made up your mind... We'll talk in the morning.

Bloody noise that, will you?

You want to die, Maxie?

I'll help you.

Night, Maxie.

I still thought it turned out to be one of her porkies, and then suddenly I'm

looking at it.

5th August, newborn baby boy found in King's Cross toilet.

Jesus, I'm not sure she can handle this, Mark.

It's good news.

Yeah, I suppose, but she has committed a crime here, abandoning a baby.

She was a 13 -year -old junkie prostitute. You really think they're

charge her?

Maybe you'll have to get probation in on this.

I reckon you need a caseworker more than she does.

Sod off.

Look, come on holiday with me. We've still got it booked in.

Why not?

How much has changed?

We don't have to share a room. We just take it easy.

Enjoy some time away from here.

Think about it.

Hiya. Hi.

Been having a tricky week last night.

So much to talk about.

Yeah.

So much to say, so little time.

Later, then.

Well, I do have rather a lot to sort out.

You go and get those inspectors up for your back.

You'll never change him, Di.

Pamela Anderson couldn't.

He's bent.

Not that old cherry again.

I should know.

A pervert thought he'd split me one.

Well, I must be the lucky exception, then.

Neil just asked me to move in with him.

All religions is shit, innit?

No gods, no devil, no heaven, no hell.

Yeah, but must be something after you die, though, Chris. Got to be.

Like what?

Well, heaven in there.

People need something to look forward to when they croak it, Chris.

It's crap, man.

I don't want to sit on a cloud all day long forever and ever.

I think you're poking a little fun there, Crystal.

It is funny.

In fact, it's shit and ridiculous.

We all have our faith tested by life's tragedies, but God's love for us is

constant, I promise you.

Come to the prayer meeting tomorrow.

We'll all put our hands together to help you find him again.

Will you give us that chance?

You too, Pervis.

Pervis!

I've got a son!

Well, er... They called him Winston.

Whatever the nurse has called him, he's probably got a different name now.

It's me who knows his real name.

Knows birthday and all that.

And I'm his real mum, innit?

No matter who's pretending he is.

Miss Shaw wants to check the cells while the women are at work.

I can't see a problem with that, sir.

Best start up on the threes, then work your way down, if I might suggest.

Top down?

Everything's bottom up. Why not?

This way. I'll join you shortly.

I've just got a few jobs to undertake.

Oi! What are we going to do with that?

Shut up, or you'll end up with stiff tumour, Clancy.

You changed your tube breaker, didn't you?

Didn't say I was going to do any prying in your shovel, did I?

You two, stop what you're doing. Grab this trolley and plenty of bin bags and

follow me now.

You start serving on your own, Gordon.

Breakfast first, bath later.

Screws rules.

Oh, look.

Here's your boyfriend.

Don't shut it, Atkins.

It's funny how Betts broke it off with you when you come on the scene.

Morning, Kate.

We tried to reserve the G3 film for the life of.

Of course, it doesn't always work out like that.

I felt dead wrong when I said it didn't kick like that.

Especially when I said I hoped you'd get it.

Yeah, well, it's not too late to tell you. Sorry.

I know Matthew's done some bad things.

You're still my sister, ain't you?

And always will be.

Hi.

Look, I feel like shit if it isn't money to rub it in. Isn't there?

You don't do anything ever to turn any of us against each other.

That's exactly what they want.

Morning.

Barbara.

Good news.

I think I brought our lost sheep back to the flock.

You finally got Crystal to feed the life.

A glimmer.

I think I'll need your prayers to turn it on full.

Get to breakfast, Hunt.

I think I might need a prayer myself soon.

Over to you, Sylvia.

Just making sure the cells stand up for scrutiny, sir.

Come on, come on, hurry up.

She's dead.

And we four are the only ones who know about it. And that's the way it's going

to stay until the inspectors have gone.

Right, Mackenzie, you're off to breakfast. And if anyone asks, Max has

notes about a headache, right?

Yes, ma 'am.

Because if you utter one word different... She won't. No, you won't.

a good morning to you. I expect you to reply.

Hits off.

Jim.

I have stuck my neck out for you time and time again.

I helped get Karen off your back. You owe me.

I owe you shit.

Really?

Did you know Karen's asked me to get you transferred to another establishment?

Probably never see her again if that happened.

Mark would have her all to himself.

You get off on this, don't you?

Seeing you upset?

No, no, no.

I told you, I look out for you.

Now, if I'm going to transfer anyone, maybe I could find a juicy promotion for

Mark Waddle.

Eh?

But you'd have to ask me nicely, Jim.

Very nicely.

Hello? Is that Camden Police Station?

Yes, I've got some information he was looking for.

What's going on?

Mrs. Hollenby? Are you going to join me?

Mrs. Hollenby?

A letter from my son.

Must come and wouldn't.

I haven't seen Bagsy anywhere, have you?

We... Because I've decided to make things up with her, right? Only she

our room.

Well, maybe she did.

A wreath somewhere.

Will you give me a second chance?

Your little angel.

That's what you used to call me.

But I'm not out to cause trouble.