Original subtitles

What were you doing on the 15th of April, 1996?

96?

How the bleedin' hell am I supposed to know?

What was a Mr. Jeremy Stephens QC doing on the 15th of April, 96?

Dunno. I ain't never heard of him.

Then there were the credit cards belonging to a Mr. Stingin Pickard, a

Oliver McCauley, and a Mr. Rahim Shah.

Ringing any bells yet?

For the benefit of the tape, Sonia Dawson is shaking her head.

Oh, leave off, will you? This is bollocks.

I ain't done nothing, I ain't never heard of him, so why don't you just let

go? I've got people waiting for me.

Family! Sit down.

Is he staying again?

No. My girlfriend, is it?

She must be mental if she likes you.

She's not.

Disagreeing with me?

I leave her alone.

Are you going to make me?

Oh, yeah, you've got God on your side.

I'll tell you what, you say a prayer and I'll wait and see what happens.

Have you seen anything happening, Bookie?

No. No thunderbolts, nothing.

Well, best just get on with it, then.

Or are you going to stop me yourself?

Look at her.

Well, that's not in tears.

I think she needs a wash, don't you?

Yeah.

Get off of me!

And

that's

your first starters?

You look nice.

Thanks. Time off must have done you good.

Yeah.

Keeping a low profile, were you?

What? Making out you and Josh with some kind of an item.

Should have seen through it all sooner.

Sad, really.

Phil, we can't all have pulling power, can we?

Telling you, I don't know nothing about no credit cards.

I could walk out of here right now. You ain't got nothing on me. Where do you

think we get all this stuff from? Do you think all these blokes are suddenly

turned up years later hammering on our door?

A friend of yours turned Queen's evidence, love.

She's got a lot more on you than this. You won't stand a chance when we get you

in court.

She wouldn't have.

She couldn't.

After all I've done for her.

Listen to her.

Supposed to be your mate.

Sorry, Shez.

I should have done something.

They only would have got you and all.

What's happened?

It's Elle.

I've slept her about.

She's at her every day now.

Bitch. But you've got to report her.

Well, go and see Miss Betts. I'll come with you if you like.

Yeah. If you want a quick death, that's the best way of going about it.

What am I going to do then?

I can't take much more of this.

Don't let them see you like that.

What does it matter?

They already know I'm bricking it.

I can't sort it on my own, Yvonne.

You're the only one they're scared of.

I'm going to take a rap for you, didn't you, you selfish twat? Me, selfish?

All I see is how I look after you.

That don't mean to say I shouldn't do it your time for you whilst you are

playing fucking family.

Not chance for that now, thanks to you.

You're inside me, you bloody well right. You dying cow.

Oh.

Diet, thanks.

How's your mother?

I hope she had to go into hospital.

She fell out of bed.

Bruised herself quite badly.

He was lucky I was there when it happened.

He was really great.

Helped sort out the ambulance and everything.

So when's she coming home?

I've decided that she needs full -time care, so I've found a really good home

for her.

They look after her properly.

At least you know you did the best you could for her all those years.

Sylvia's right, you know.

You've got nothing to feel guilty about.

Of course you have.

I know.

I don't know what I would have done without Jim.

He's been brilliant.

Morning, Mum.

Morning, Sylvia.

Right.

Well, I'd better get this lot given out.

I see the staff are pleased to have you back.

I still wish I was on that beach, though.

It already feels like I've never been away.

When we get back to your place... What? All this your place.

It's our place now.

Oh, yeah. That's how it is.

Oh, shut

up!

Listen, don't even speak to me, all right? I've got nothing to say to you.

know, you're an absolute bloke and copless, didn't you?

I've got to go three times a week or I don't lose weight.

Three times a week?

Can't we do something different?

Not with a bloody hairbook.

Can't you give it a look? What you do when there's a match on?

You'd be the first to complain if I started walking around with handles for

hips.

Oh, come on, G.

Can't we get a takeaway and watch a video or something?

Look, I'm going to aerobics and that's that.

She doesn't know when she's well off.

My Bobby's idea of a romantic gesture is to take his socks off before he gets

into bed.

I bet she's not even going to air all that.

I bet she's got another fella on the door. What do you think?

Yeah, she's a real flirt.

Rumour has it that she got a self -transfer to our wing because she'd been

through all the fellas on our last one.

Well, it wouldn't surprise me.

There's always one like that.

One flash of the cleavage and you think the male population will fall at their

feet.

Virginia.

Bloody hell.

Girls.

Fancy seeing you in here.

An Arabian prince.

Yes, that's what he said.

Supposed to be big in oil.

Oh, my.

Except that he turned out to be an undercover policeman.

No. Bad.

Well, the upshot was they shut down all my places.

Funny that, innit?

Cos we just got Nick for that time we was working for you.

Really?

Yeah.

You bleeding cow!

It was you, wasn't it? You turned Kiwi on us!

Eh? Trade us in for a couple of years off, did you?

If you think for one moment that I would demean myself by entering into any sort

of negotiation with the police... You didn't complain about greasing a few of

their palms in the old days.

Half of them are our bleeding clients.

Yes, but that was business.

This is friendship.

Loyalty.

Bollocks more like.

You do this, did you?

Of course not.

Why would I do something like that?

Have you got four hours?

I swear on my mother's life I didn't do it.

Well, somebody did.

As if we would.

Yeah, well, when I find out who did do it, I'm going to bloody kill him.

Fancy accusing us of it.

It's probably some... Poor girl, whose bloke she's been messing around with.

No scruples, that one.

My poor David.

Didn't even know what was happening.

Just his mum whiffed away.

Oh, God knows what Trevor must be thinking.

What are you talking about?

Well, that's that, yes, they did, didn't they?

For all the five bleeding minutes.

Darling, as if I'd realised.

Well, I didn't think it would matter.

A few extra days on your sentence was all I thought. Well, how was I to know

they were letting you out?

You did tell them, didn't you?

God, you cow!

You can see how I'm fixed.

Well, surely you can find it in your heart. That's right.

So they're feeling sorry for yourself, why don't you? Do you know what you've

done to her?

She was that close to getting her family back. She could have been with them

now.

Don't you bleed and sorry me!

Bet this is a con anyway.

You're just playing for sympathy, ain't you?

A con?

God forbid that one of your children gets muscular dystrophy.

So, Ken, what do you do in your spare time?

Not much, really.

Much like a telly.

That's about it, really.

Don't get to go out much, see, on account of the kids. If I do go out,

to this place.

I'll be back in a minute.

All right.

Hi.

Remember me?

I work with Gina, don't you, Wing?

Oh, yeah.

You were in the mess at lunchtime.

So, she chose aerobics over you, did she?

Oh, sorry, I couldn't help overhearing.

Well, can't have you drinking on your own.

No, I'm just off.

Oh.

So you're going to leave me drinking on my own?

What are you having?

A little white wine, please.

How did you get it?

It's a wasting disease. You don't catch it.

It only affects my legs at the moment, but it will spread.

That's terrible.

Terrible.

Will that cure?

No.

To be honest, I'd rather not talk about it. Of course not. Of course.

Gina was winding me up.

It had to be seen to be believed.

I bet you knew he was on Gatorade, didn't you?

Bet you had a right laugh watching us walk out of here. Believe me, if I had

known, I'd have handed my notice in and walked out with you.

Right, ten minutes and lights out.

Excuse me, but how exactly am I supposed to get myself into bed?

Well, how do you do it at home?

With great difficulty and much help.

Come on, let's get this over with.

After three.

One, two, three.

Well,

don't just stand there. Get your legs.

And you, move this chair away.

Be careful.

Never mind.

What about my back? Hurry up.

That's fine.

Don't blame me if I'm off work tomorrow.

Well, that's one good thing to come at least anyway.

Yeah, well, I hope you see I'll be in.

I'll do it myself, thank you very much.

Wouldn't want to cause any more inconvenience. It's ridiculous she was

in the first place. Oh, I agree on something, then.

Is there anything else you want?

Well, if there is, the night staff can sort it out.

We're off duty as of three minutes ago. Come on.

The thing about Nina is she can take a peek, can't she?

I mean, there's this bloke on our wing, Josh Mitchell.

She has got him in the palm of her hand.

Is that right?

Everybody fancies him.

Mind you, he's not nearly as gorgeous as you are.

I bet you've got women swarming all over you.

What would you say, then?

You got a boyfriend?

No one special.

Don't like to be tied down.

Haven't said that.

Depends on who's doing the tying.

Oh, yeah.

Get us another drink, shall we?

Is there anything else you need?

You couldn't be a poppet and pass me my hand cream, could you?

You've both been so kind.

And after all I've put you through, too.

It's all right.

Thanks. We'd have probably blabbed and all.

In fact, I did.

So what?

We're no worse off than we were before, are we?

Well, I'm not.

Neither am I.

Besides, I'd rather be in here if it means I can be with you.

I told Trev that if he took me, he'd have to take you and all.

You know what blokes are like.

He might change his mind once we got out.

You told him that?

You never said.

He didn't give me a chance, mate.

Won't you?

I feel awful now, all the things I said about you.

I'm sorry.

You know

what? You know what?

I really need to pee.

I wouldn't bother doing that, not just yet, if I were you.

Thank you.

So that's where you were.

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd surprise you. I came straight from aerobics.

Oh, right.

Are you still mad at me?

No, no, not at all.

Pretty. I was, um, looking forward to making out.

Great.

Oh, let's go then.

Haven't finished my drink yet.

Oh, we'll get a bottle of wine on the way home. You are in a hurry.

I hope you slow down later.

I will.

Morning.

How can you be so bright?

Oh, well, you see, I didn't fit away quite as much as you.

You're joking. You drank me under the table.

Well, that's the scores for you.

Boy, cheeky. I didn't understand no chance.

Conference was good. I enjoyed it.

And so did I.

Your pickle was a hit.

How would you know?

I was not asleep.

What's in your eye, then?

I was at the back of the room, and you need your eyes testing.

There's nothing wrong with my eyes.

You're joking.

Like a couple of homing pigeons, those two.

We've also got a new prisoner coming on to the wing, Virginia O 'Kane. She's

never coming on to G -Wing.

Yes, Sylvia, she is.

Now, some of you may be aware she's disabled.

You don't have to tell me.

I had to lift her into bed.

My Bobby spent all night rubbing balsam into my back. Pick up a few tips from

one of her parlours today.

Yeah, but we haven't got any wheelchair access.

Exactly.

It's a health and safety issue, is this.

If we have to carry her up and down stairs for the next two years, we'll all

up in wheelchairs.

Well, I'm hoping they'll find her somewhere more suitable.

Until then, we'll just have to cope.

I'm going to put her on G1.

That should solve some of the problem.

I think it's best she shares a cell.

She'll need someone to help her.

What about Barbara Hunt?

Good idea.

Right, any questions?

No. OK, that's it. Thank you.

Well, that went down well.

Don't worry.

I'll keep a special eye on Virginia. Try and make sure things run smoothly.

Well, thanks, Jim.

All right?

Hey, did you ever find out who ruined your make -up?

No.

Well, I think it's awful.

I'm going to keep all my stuff locked up from now on. I never used to bother

before.

Look.

I'm sorry I laid into you like that.

I just thought maybe you'd done it because of what I said about you and

I deserved what you said about that.

I'm really embarrassed about it now.

Well, no hard feelings, eh?

Of course not.

You two got no sense of direction.

The exit's that way.

Oh, can't you be more careful? For heaven's sake.

This is someone else. Yes, and it's yours and all now.

Hello. I'm Barbara.

What? Oh, no, absolutely not. I insist I have a room of my own.

You can insist all you like. It's governor's orders.

This way you get someone else to do your running round for you and we can get on

with our job.

Then I demand to see the governor.

She'll see you when she's good and ready.

In the meantime, if you've got any more complaints, I suggest you tell the

resident agony out here.

and she'll write them all down for you in her little book.

Ronnie, feels a bit like coming home, doesn't it, Jo?

You're right.

Tell me, what's a 16 -year -old wanting his mum hanging around for, baby?

It's disgusting that they ever sentenced you in the first place, given your

condition. Well, my lawyer's appealing against it. But you know how long these

things take.

How am I supposed to cope with this?

You've a thing. My arms just don't have the strength.

Well, here, I'll help.

Yes, but you shouldn't have to. That's the point.

It's bad enough that I'm taking away my freedom without taking my independence,

too.

I feel as though I've been punished right over.

So when's your solicitor coming?

Tomorrow.

I'm terrified.

Look, don't be. Just tell it like it was.

But I'm no good at talking to posh people.

I get all tongue -tied and it'll come out all wrong.

You get tongue -tied? Oh, that I'd like to see.

Oh, look, he's on your side, Chris.

So is Miss Betts and Miss Stewart.

You know, tell them straight. You want them as your character witnesses.

You know, they'll soon put him right that you don't do no drugs.

Yeah. The court will believe them, innit?

Of course.

You'll be out of here in no time, Chris.

We can get on with our lives.

Oh, dear.

I don't think I can manage this gristly meat.

Problems with the throat, you know.

Here, darling, give me some more soup instead.

Do you reckon she used to be a model?

A model?

God, do you think we'll be on the Muppet Wing when we should?

I was only asking.

Tell her, Al.

Well, Cain's nothing but a bleeding shag bag.

It's probably how she lost the use of her legs, to wrap them around that many

geezers.

Can't you show any respect?

Don't worry, darling, I didn't understand a word.

I don't suppose there's much call for elocution lessons when you've been

up in the slums.

Wouldn't look too good, you doing over a cripple, would it?

These are for you. Oh, how lovely.

Oh.

Be a dear and pop them in my room, will you?

Oh, they're gorgeous.

Are they from Virginia?

Oh, just a couple of geezers I used to know.

Rich geezers.

See you.

Hiya.

What's up with you?

Hungover, by any chance?

Mind if I join you?

No, of course not.

God, I am knackered.

Cut off with this fella last night.

Really?

Fantastic.

Couldn't get enough.

Oh, look.

You're embarrassing Mark now.

Sorry, Mark.

So what were you and Josh whispering about?

What whispering?

Was that Josh Mitchell?

Yeah, what of it?

So what were you talking about?

Nothing. Just work.

Oh, yeah?

What's that supposed to mean?

Screw it, Gina.

I couldn't care less.

Mark!

And

fixed

handrails next to the loom. Oh, yes, and the seat needs raising, too.

And ramps.

It would be so nice to be able to get further than the landing.

But the most important thing is my own room.

I must have space to manoeuvre in.

Virginia, I would love to be able to provide all those things.

But I don't have the authority.

I've been on to the General Purposes and Finance Committee till I'm blue in the

face.

But, in their own words, the small percentage of disabled prisoners at

doesn't justify the expenditure.

Have you any idea how humiliating it is to have to ask for even the simplest

things, like going to the loo?

If it were up to me, you'd have whatever you needed.

Well, then, how about my own room?

Surely you can authorise that.

I'll be honest.

We don't have enough staff to give you the support you need.

At least by sharing a cell, you'll have someone to help you.

I can manage perfectly well on my own.

No. You talked to Mark?

I tried.

For all the good it did me.

Look, I'm sorry.

I was only joking when he said you were whispering. I didn't know he'd take it

like that.

It's not your fault.

That's Mark for you.

And he got a look at the bloke and he goes in the sulk.

Well, you're that possessive. You're better off without him.

Yeah.

Well, I am now, aren't I?

He's only gonna dump me.

Come here.

Tomorrow, you're going to tell him you don't want to be a yard girl no more.

right? Oh, don't worry about those two.

We've already resigned.

From now on, it's a book gang's here now.

Right?

Yeah, Grandma?

Got something you want to say?

It's friends for you, isn't it, Shaz?

Never there when you need them.

Julie, lights out. OK, lights out.

Right, she's up with her bed.

You what?

You heard.

It's cold tonight.

I fancy a few extra blankets.

Well, the mattress too, seeing as you won't be needing that.

It's a handbookie.

That's better.

Nice and soft.

Now you, strip.

Get lost.

I've just complained so far.

Do you want me to get serious?

I'm going to report you. You can't do this.

I can and you know it.

Just sit back and watch Mother Teaser. She's good at that.

From now on, that's your bed.

Go on then, lie down.

Be a good dog.

She'll freeze.

She needs toughening up.

Shut it. I want to get some sleep.

You all right?

What do you think?

Well, I'm not sure I'll use the return.

If you can't beat them, leg it.

Where to?

How about the Threes?

You're a lifer.

You get a cell on the ring in G3.

It'll get you away from Alan, that lot. Have a word with Mr. Dillon.

Yeah, and what am I going to do at playtime?

I'm still going to run into them then, aren't I?

At least you'll get a decent night's sleep.

Yeah, I will.

I don't know why you're pretending you care anyway.

You don't give a shit about me.

No one does.

Oh, well.

I'll just piss off then, shall I, and leave you to feel sorry for yourself.

I was really sorry to hear about you and Gina.

But if she will go around throwing herself at other blokes, what do you

You're better off without her.

Is that right?

Look, I know you must be cut up about it, but... If you need to talk...

I mean, maybe we could go out for a drink.

Now, why would I want to do that?

Because we're friends.

In fact...

We're more than that.

If you need cheering up... I'd rather have a wank.

Would you

like

a chocolate, Mrs Hollenby? Oh, no, of course not. I expect you're having to

watch your weight, aren't you?

Get on with your work.

Actually, I'd quite like a bath.

Miss Betts did say... Well, it'll just have to wait, milady.

I've got more important things to do than wait on you hand and foot.

You know what that woman needs?

An orgasm.

Why am I so nervous?

Well, it's because you've got a hang -up about soliciting.

I shouldn't have to be going through all of this in the first place.

Well, just chill. Everything's going to be sorted.

Josh, when you get back, can you take Virginia out for a spot of fresh air?

Change of scene will do her good.

Sure.

Miss. Oh, Miss.

I need to see Miss Stewart.

Well, isn't there anything I can help you with?

It's life and stuff.

Okay. Do you think it'll be today?

Someone will let you know.

What are we stopping for?

I thought you might want to look at the view.

No. If I want to stop, I'll tell you. Carry on.

I won't be a step, Jane. You can't just leave me here.

I'll be one minute, I promise.

What's all happened?

It's like this.

Come on, Jane.

Waste of time, wasn't it?

Why? Did you ask them about Miss Bess and Miss Stuart?

He said it don't matter.

The really big thing they're doing me for ain't possession, it's harbouring

criminals.

He reckons they can't help me with that.

Tell them what Dockery's like.

You know, tell them they have no choice.

And they're going to believe me with my record?

How are we going to cope if I get sent down again?

Look, we won't have to, cos that's not going to happen.

I thought you wanted to be a yard girl.

Look, I know it's not the most pleasant of jobs, but it's a bit of extra money

for you.

I can't promise to get you anything else.

Doesn't matter.

I just don't want to do it no more.

Well, I'm sure there's plenty of others that'll be only too glad to do it.

Yeah.

There's something else.

I want to move into the life -issue unit.

I thought you wanted to stay with people your own age.

I changed my mind, didn't I?

Is there something going on?

You don't look too good.

I'm fine.

Are you missing Denny?

Okay, I'll put you up in G3 if you're sure that's what you want.

Thanks, miss.

Shaz.

You know you can talk to me, don't you?

See you tomorrow, yeah? Yeah.

Hiya.

That was big of you.

Aren't you going to lamp him one?

Bit over the top, wasn't it?

Yeah. But then you're good at that.

I came to say sorry.

And what's brought this on?

I've been thinking.

I haven't got the right to stop you seeing other fellas, have I?

I haven't been seeing other fellas.

Okay, I believe you.

What I'm trying to say is neither of us have got the right to stop us seeing

other people, have we?

I mean, it's not like we're official or anything, is it?

Oh, I see.

You want to get back with me, but be able to screw around as well.

Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not into that.

Oh, just listen, will you?

What I'm trying to say is... Well, let's make it

official.

Eh?

Well, I don't know.

Move in together or something.

I thought you weren't into commitment.

Yeah, well...

Freedom's not all it's made out to be, is it?

Besides, this way I can carry on being a jealous pillock and you won't be able

to have a go at me, will you?

Oh, Mark.

Come here, you daft sod.

Let's go back to my place.

We can do some proper making up.

Just got to get myself together first.

I'll meet you at the car.

Heard the joke about the priest and the hooker.

Only there's one in here.

Along with a few others involving a couple of judges, some politicians.

Oh, look, even a police inspector.

Give me that.

Oh, I'm enjoying it too much.

It's a good read.

Trouble is, not everyone's as broad -minded as me.

You wouldn't want this falling into the wrong hands now, would you?

Is that all I was to you, then? A quick shag?

Yeah, you were.

Now piss off and leave me alone, will you?

Gina.

All this time you've been going on at me.

You've been... No, it wasn't like that, was it?

You should mean nothing to me.

You think that makes it better?

You barter.

How can you do this to me?

I'm having your baby, for God's sake.

If it's money you're after, you're wasting your time.

They've confiscated all my assets.

I'm bankrupt.

Virginia, I hope you don't take me for some feedy little blankmailer.

No, I'm just thinking of you.

You're trying for an appeal, aren't you?

And you've got a good chance of getting it, in your condition.

But what are you going to do when you get out, eh?

Go straight.

Oh, you might have to.

Because if all this ends up in the papers, your clients aren't going to

know, are they?

I haven't got any clients.

The police closed all my businesses down.

Don't give me that.

I've been doing my homework.

They might have moved or changed names, but they're all still out there.

How much do you want?

You see, there you go again.

And all I'm trying to do is help.

Someone needs to keep an eye on things while you're in here.

Why not me?

What?

I could look after the girls.

Make sure the clients are kept happy and collect the takings.

Yours and mine, 50 -50.

What do you say?

I think I'd be rather good at that sort of thing.

Oh, yes, I'm sure you would.