Original subtitles

And now then, Crystal Gordon.

She's still refusing to eat.

It's been five days now. Can't we just make her?

She's as much right to starve herself to death here as she would have on the

outside. Wish I had that much willpower. I could do with losing a few pounds.

There's nothing to laugh at, you know.

She's already getting very weak.

At this rate, she's going to end up in hospital.

Just keep an eye on her.

Especially you, Di.

All right, that's it.

Thanks.

Pen up.

Yes, she is.

Hello.

Speaking.

I see.

Right, well, thanks for letting me know.

Bye.

What's up?

They've appointed the new number one.

Temporarily, anyway.

Helen Stewart.

Simon. I thought I saw you carrying nearly.

You'll need to have a read through these before we meet up.

I've asked my secretary to lay his reviews over diaries.

You must have a very pleasant sense of victory.

Better enjoy it while it lasts.

Well, I know I've picked up a poison chalice, but I'll do my best to keep a

of it.

You're just a pretty face to brighten up the board table, Helen.

Till they pick their man.

You lot should be at breakfast.

And so should you.

Oh, look, how long do you intend keeping this up?

As long as it takes.

You know, you'll be dead and buried before anyone takes any notice.

Including Josh.

I ain't doing it for him.

I'm doing it because I'm innocent.

I didn't do drugs. I ain't never done drugs.

Well, that's not what the test said.

What did the test say?

What's wrong?

You know, I'd like to believe you.

I really would.

So I'll see you all next week.

Nikki.

Yes, miss?

What? Yes, ma 'am, actually.

If you don't mind.

Huh?

They've only gone and made me acting number one, haven't they?

What? Are you kidding?

Well, someone in the area must like my politics.

You're not Pete.

I've said that I'm still going to run the library's unit.

Right.

And the cape, don't you see what it means?

Yeah, sure.

It means you're top of the shape.

Fantastic.

I'll even get to see you for a group chat, when you can fit it in.

God, I can always rely on you for a hard time, can't I?

Look, if anything, it means that I've got more chance of getting you out of

here.

And it sure as hell means count your days, Jim Fenner.

Are you all right?

Are you still on for tonight?

Tonight? It's going to come round to yours.

After line dancing.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, why not?

Maybe we'll go out and get pissed, eh? I could do with a drink.

Or I could bring a bottle of wine in, eh?

Be less noisy than a hub.

Yeah, whatever.

Great.

You OK?

I'm fine, sir.

Chris, why are you doing this?

Why?

You're doing my head in now.

You should have thought of that before you started mouthing me off as a junkie.

Well, it's not the fact that you took the drugs, yeah? I just hate you lying

me. If you just admit to it, then maybe... I hate nothing to admit.

How many more times?

You're applying for permission to have a second test of your urine sample.

And Crystal Gordon's.

But you tested negative.

I think there may have been some sort of mix -up.

Are you telling me you should have tested positive?

I'm telling you, if you want to stop Crystal from starving herself to death,

better be sure of your facts.

You'd have to pay for a retest.

That's the name of a clinic.

The chances of any sort of mix -up are highly unlikely.

We've got very stringent procedures.

I'm entitled to an independent test.

I've checked.

I'm sure you have.

How is she?

Weak. The silly girls refused to trip.

All right, thanks.

So you trying to kill yourself or what?

I ain't afraid.

And I'm going to lose you, Chris.

All right, doesn't matter, yeah?

So you lied.

Who doesn't?

You've got to stop all this now.

I love you, Chris.

Is this what it's going to be like every time?

I have to prove myself to you before you can believe me.

I don't think it's worth having.

Chris, look.

Just go.

Surveying your new empire, eh?

Congratulations, by the way.

Look, about that little incident.

You know, I was under a lot of strain after the stabbing.

Anyway, I just wanted to apologise again.

I see.

The cold shoulder, is it?

I suppose the next thing is that I'm going to be given all the dirty little

around here.

Yeah, well, there is such a thing as harassment in the workplace.

Oh, I know.

Yep, hang on, I'm just checking.

Ah, here it is. Uh, she's... AB Reese is negative.

I see.

Yes, I know.

OK.

Thanks very much.

Can I have a word?

Not now, Jim.

Looks like we owe Crystal Gordon an apology.

Why? What's happened?

That was the result of the retest.

They found a trace of blood in Charlotte Middleton's urine sample.

So?

It doesn't match her blood type, although it can't have been her sample.

A mix -up?

Looks like it.

Especially as the blood's AB resus negative.

Only 1 % of the population have that.

And Crystal Gordon's one of them.

Go on, have a sniff.

Stubborn as a bleeding mule.

And what are they all for? Just to prove a point to the screws?

You think they give a damn?

Yes, actually, some of us do.

I'm sorry, Crystal.

Looks like you were right after all.

Hey.

Hot day, have we?

No, I'm going round to Josh's later.

I did suggest going to the pub, but he was more for staying in with a bottle of

wine. Oh, yeah?

You know what he's after, then?

Hmm.

He plays his cards right, he might just get it.

Catch you later.

Sorry, Julie, it's on full up.

Well, it'd take a few more of them for you to stop looking like a scarecrow,

wouldn't it, Julie?

Yeah, little and often what you need.

Thanks.

Oh, you, um... We didn't have to do that.

Come on, come on, girls, get your bags and let's go.

Hey, Josh, got your sexy undies on.

You what?

It's not date, you've got to die.

Date? You're joking with me. I think the joke might be on you, lover.

Keep your panic button handy, that's all I can say.

They'll all be celebrating then, won't you?

It's brilliant news.

Well, it's a pity some of you didn't believe me in the first place, innit,

Yeah, I'm sorry.

We're all sorry.

Yeah, well, sorry isn't good enough.

Cos we all wonder if Crystal got fixed up, don't we?

No, that couldn't happen, sir.

Really?

Then tell me, Mr Prison Officer, sir, how is it that one woman's test, all

signed and labelled and everything, ends up in someone else's test pot?

Tell him, Charlotte.

Tell me what?

What have you got to say?

I knew I'd test positive, and I didn't particularly care.

I even told Miss Barker that before I had the damn test.

I tell you, Mr Mitchell, something stinks around here, and it ain't just

pisspots.

All right, come on, girls, fill up your flasks.

It's nearly time for locker.

No one knows about us, do they?

No.

Or just Miss Barker.

Well, she's my personal officer, innit?

Don't worry, she ain't going to say nothing.

You all stick together, you lot, don't you?

Hiya.

Hi. Come in.

Don't you like red?

So you didn't go line dancing then?

Sorry?

Country and western, innit? Checkered shirts and jeans and stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Well, usually I do, but sometimes I like to glam up a bit.

A bit?

Do you like it?

What's what I think?

Well, maybe I've put it on specially for somebody who's not standing a million

miles away.

Look, I'm not even that much interested in you.

Sorry?

I've already got a girlfriend.

Who?

Crystal Gordon.

In fact, we're planning on getting married.

Well, I've got to say... You've let yourself become involved with

one of the prisoners.

You're just at the start of your career.

I don't think that's very sensible, is it?

She'll be out of prison soon.

Not the way she's going, she won't.

Look...

I know she seems like a lovely girl, but she's a drug addict.

They lie, they'll cheat, they'll do anything they can to get a fix. She's

probably just trying to soften you up to get you to ship stuff in for her.

Except that she don't do drugs.

It doesn't matter what she says.

The test proves it.

You've just got to accept that.

That's what I've... Except they've done a re -test. The results came through

just before I left.

Turns out Crystal's in the clear.

Her sample got mixed up with Charlotte Middleton's.

There's no way Helen Stewart's going to hound you out of your job just because

she doesn't like you.

She plays things by the book. Look how she handled the inquiry.

Yeah, but there was so much evidence she couldn't ignore it.

She's always had it in for me, Karen.

Look, she can't sack you for nothing.

No, but she could make something up.

I wouldn't.

What?

Well, I wouldn't put it past her to trump up another sexual abuse charge

me. Now you are being paranoid.

Maybe.

Helen Stewart straight as a die.

If there's the slightest chance she'd do anything like that, do you think I'd

let her get away with it? You're probably right.

Maybe I need that holiday more than I thought.

Charlotte told you she was going to test positive.

Is that when you got your little idea, yeah?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You're a liar.

You already knew about me and Crystal because Crystal told you. I thought she

was making it up.

You wanted to split us up, yeah? You wanted her out of the way because you

some crazy idea about you and me.

That's ridiculous.

Is it?

What's all this then? I do not have to stay here to be abused.

Crystal could have died because of you and you would have just stood there and

let it happen. No!

I never meant for things to go that far.

I never meant to hurt her.

I wanted to say something to help, but I was too scared.

I know it was an awful thing to do. I'm sorry, Josh.

I'll make it up to Crystal.

I promise.

I'll go and see the governor and say I made a mistake.

A mistake?

Well, if I tell them the truth, I'll lose my job.

Blood! I need the money.

My mother's ill.

I'm all she's got.

If I lose my job, she'll get taken into care.

Look, I'll make things right.

I promise I will.

Guy?

Guy? Guy, is that you home?

Shut up.

Guys. Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Look at you, sitting there feeling sorry for yourself.

Me you should feel sorry for.

Running up and down the stair that you'll beckon call.

Cleaning up shit and piss night and day.

And you still stink the air.

No wonder Josh won't have anything to do with me.

Don't leave me, Di.

Help me back into bed.

Help yourself.

Chris. No, I done... I done wrong, OK?

I should have trusted you.

You should have.

And now I don't deserve it, yeah?

Maybe just give me another chance.

Why should I?

Because you were set up, Chris.

We both were.

What?

I died, Barker.

I don't know how the samples got mixed up.

But if I'm being accused of doing it deliberately, then I want a

from my union here.

Di, I'm not accusing you.

Well, that's what it sounds like to me.

Look, anyone can make a mistake.

I just need to find out how a strict step -by -step procedure can go so

What step -by -step when you're trying to make girls go to the toilet for you?

I do it because it's my job, but I don't watch them every second. I'm sorry.

Get enough of that at home?

My mother.

She's the reason that I'm half worn out by the time I even get to work.

Backwards and forwards with the potty, that's me.

My whole life is a stinking piss test.

You know I'm going to have to make a note that's in your record.

So take this as an official warning to be more careful in future.

Oh, no.

I'm very sorry.

And all this time she was making out like she was my friend.

Well, I hope she gets sacked.

I'm going to report her.

Yeah, but then it'll come out about us.

Yeah, she'd tell and then I'd get transferred.

I mean, that's if they still is at us.

Yeah, well, you dumped me twice now.

You mess up again.

I won't.

I promise.

I've missed you, Chris.

I really missed you.

Me too.

But as soon as you get out of here, I want us to get married.

I better go, yeah?

Yeah. See ya.

You've been keeping secrets from us, Crystal.

Josh.

I think we need to talk.

No, you don't talk to me.

Don't even look at me.

Out with it? Let's have it.

Me and Josh are getting married.

No!

Crystal, that is fantastic news.

We always knew you two was meant, didn't we, Jo?

You seen it in the TV, didn't you?

Hey,

if we get out in time, can we come to the wedding?

You'll be out in time.

It's not going to be for years, is it? What if I go down for this rat?

Might get lucky.

You can always apply to get married in here.

Yeah.

Maybe they'll arrange the honeymoon suite for the bride and groom and all.

You could get married in secret.

The chaplain is a decent sort of bloke.

We could ask him to keep it under his hat.

You're joking.

He's just another screw with his collar on back to front.

That's a pity.

Could have got Babs to have a word with her easy.

Easy. Because she's welling up the altar.

Absolutely not.

Oh, why not? You're religious, aren't you?

Yes, but I'm not a vicar and I'm not pretending to marry Crystal. End of

Well, can't you say you're one of them, what's it, lay preachers or something?

I'm not going to lie to her.

It's all right, we'll do the lying. You just nod.

It wouldn't be legal.

It's never bothered you before.

You were bleeding bigamy.

Well, as long as I have the support of the new number one.

There's no reason why something shouldn't improve overnight.

Music to my ears.

Our first thing I want is their NHS records.

How can we provide equivalent treatment for these women if we don't have their

medical history?

Exactly. And from what I've seen so far, well, it's no surprise to you, I'm

sure, but a lot of my so -called Muppets may be psychologically damaged, but

they're not mentally ill. They shouldn't be on bloody double doses of

antipsychotic drugs.

There's just obviously been a policy of... Dope them up and lock the door.

Do you mind me asking, what is that you're eating?

Peanut butter and raspberry jam.

Oh, now, come on, you can't have tried it.

Or you wouldn't pull that face.

I have, actually, when I was a kid.

Oh, well, see, I'm sticking with the kids.

Give me crisps, chocolate and ice cream any time.

Come in.

Claire.

I didn't expect you till later.

I've got some new finicky weight.

So I'd have a strong word with them if I were you.

Although I'd bet their hearts were in the right place.

It could be years before we can get married.

I don't think I don't understand.

I remember how Peter and I felt when I couldn't get my divorce.

You and him.

I mean, I know it was legal, like, but you felt married, didn't you?

Oh, yes.

As far as we were concerned, we were married in God's eyes.

Nicky, Miss Jewett wants to see you.

What? Said it's urgent, apparently.

Well, you said it yourself.

You didn't want to wait.

Yeah, but I didn't mean... It's a bit risky, isn't it?

Well, we can trust my mates. They ain't going to say nothing.

I don't know, Chris.

If we got caught, then I'd lose my job.

Yeah, I suppose.

It don't matter.

It's just an idea.

All right.

It's all right.

Let's go for it.

Do you mean it?

I mean, what if they do catch us?

Then they're going to lock me up with you, innit?

You're my life, Chris. You know that.

I ain't got no one else.

I love you, you know.

I love you.

It's hard to know.

Come in.

Thanks, Junior.

Hi, Nicky.

Take a seat.

Go on then, just tell me.

This came this morning from the Home Office, saying they're going to submit

case to the Court of Appeal, which means they must think you've got a very good

case.

Jo did it all herself.

It's good, isn't it?

Oh, my God.

And I slipped them out of the garden.

Oh, and, uh, babies.

Oh, yes.

Hiya. Now, I've been given half an hour off during the association to practice

the hymns for Sunday.

Half an hour?

That's all I could get.

So it'll have to be very short.

No problem.

There.

God, isn't that the most brilliant news?

It does.

Still gonna win it, though.

Yeah, but you heard what Claire said.

Oh, Nicky, you're almost there.

Yeah.

Um, no, I'm sorry. No, we, F -E -F.

Babe, bloody...

Thomas. Sorry, I just... Sorry.

This is Nicky Wade. I told you about her case.

Nicky, this is Dr. Thomas Ford, the new SMO. Hi.

Nicky has just found out that she's going to get her appeal.

Oh, well, fantastic.

Congratulations, Nicky.

Thank you.

I'll catch you later, yes? Go for a drink?

Yeah. Have one on me, yeah?

Look lovely, don't they? Yeah.

You got enough background?

Put it in?

Some occasion, is it?

You cleared the supper things away early today.

People was angry.

They ain't angry.

Did Crystal have any food?

Only I've been looking around for her and I still can't find her.

You wouldn't know where she is.

No, Miss.

Shall I look in the laundry?

Don't know.

Maybe the gym?

The gym, Miss?

Yeah, that's right, isn't it, Jo?

Didn't she say something about wanting to go to the gym? Oh, yeah, that's

She said she was feeling flabby.

Flabby?

Or maybe I should just start by looking in the chapel.

You look beautiful, darling.

I've got butterflies.

Don't worry.

Only a busload of screws could burst through the door at any minute.

You picked the right fella there.

And I'm well trained in spotting the wrong one.

We're going to be put down in the block, really. But me, I really don't like a

bit.

Well, well, a bit, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, where the bloody hell are they? They're here, they're here.

It's all right, it's all right.

Physicians, everyone.

Come on, come on, come on.

Don't be nervous.

Right, let's get on with it.

Bloody hell, Ben, we've only got ten minutes.

I will.

Will you, Crystal Gordon, take Josh Mitchell to be your wedded husband?

Will you love him, comfort him, honour and protect him, and forsaking all

others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?

I will.

Will you, the friends of Joss and Crystal, support and uphold them in

marriage now and in the years to come?

We will.

I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage.

With my body I honour you.

All that I am I give to you.

And all that I have I share with you.

In the presence of God and before this congregation, I therefore, God

proclaims that they are husband and wife.

You don't know.

It's funny, you know.

I never thought that I'd spend my honeymoon in a linen cupboard.

But you look up soon.

Yeah.

I just wish we could spend the whole night together in a bed.

Me too.

This ain't right, you know.

We going home, leaving you here.

Just tell me they're not going to find me guilty.

Everyone said she had a surprise, right?

He was right.

The Lord ain't going to get us this far, then let us pass.

Oh, no.

Take her!

Okay, would you like to get off the van now, ladies?

Take her! Take her! Some of us have got homes to go to, you know. Take her! Take

her! Take her! Take her!

Take her!

Take her!

Take her!

Take her! Take her! Take her! Take her! Take her! Take her! Take her! Take her!

Take her! Take her! Take her! Take her! Take her! Take her!

Take her!

Take her!

No more bleeding big mouth kids.

I know exactly what you've been up to.

Didn't I tell you not to talk to me?

Yeah.

And what's Miss Betts going to say about your little secret service?

You can just go and ask her.

And while we're at it, I can tell her why you swapped them piss tests.

She won't believe you.

It's your word against mine.

And Charlotte Middleton's, saying that she told you that she'd test positive.

Oh, and maybe I'll let Miss Betts know about all this harassment that you're

giving me.

And where's the proof of that?

No.

Gina, has Di ever made out that me and her are having a thing?

He didn't.

Only ten times a bleeding day.

You know what, lady? You need help.

She's seriously sick.

You all right?

What's the matter?

I don't know.

Come on, love, you can tell us. What is it?

Um... I'm just not feeling very well.

She's had a shit day.

Think I'll drive her home? No, um, I can manage.

Don't argue, I'm taking it. No, honestly.

Get your coat, Di.

That's an order.

Come on.

I'll have to see you at the airport tomorrow.

Sure.

I'll come in with you. No.

I'll be fine now.

Thanks, Jim.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Thanks ever so.

Take care now, yeah?

Bloody hell.

Die!

Die!

Die?

Yeah?

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Sounded like you were being attacked.

Must have been the telly.

Oh, is that my cardi?

Thanks. And goodbye, and have a nice holiday.

You sure you're okay? Yeah, I'm fine.

Really.

Okay.

Where are you going?

Will you just go on up there? Just go on up there. Let go.

Let go.

Jim!

Oh, Christ!

Please don't tell anybody.

I lost my job.