Original subtitles

Oh, yeah.

Now I'm taking it off.

I'm unhooking my bra.

Oh, you're finished then?

All right then.

Till next time, big boy.

Oof. Do the chair after that. So how long are you in for this time, Dawn?

Three months.

Oh, nice one.

Here, them's for you girls.

That's if you can face them after that phone call.

You're in a good mood today, Shell.

Yeah, well, I'm moving back on to an aunt, aren't I? And about Simon, all.

I suppose you deserve it, after what you've been through with your kiddies.

Yeah.

Must have been hard, though, I guess.

Oh, my.

Shall we go up to the bar?

I'm keeping a weekly record of all the food they give us in this place, and

I'm going to show it to Miss Beth.

I mean, look at it.

High cholesterol, nothing fresh, hardly any fibre.

Wouldn't want to give you an heart attack, would we? Just a minute.

Next.

Why are you being so hard on her? She's all right, Bart.

Yeah, she helped us with the internet thingy. So?

She's a smug bitch.

She's only been here two minutes and she thinks she owns the place.

She needs to take him down a peg or two.

You can sit with me if you want, Sandra.

You sure you don't mind?

Why would I?

I might be catching.

That's what this lot seem to think anyway.

I don't know why they give me so much.

You want to do it?

Yes. Enforced by Michelle Dockley.

What are you doing?

It's no good to me, is it?

You've got to keep your strength up.

I'm not.

You're going to die soon.

They're just embarrassed. They don't know what to say.

And you do, do you?

Oh, yes.

You're that mercy killer, aren't you?

Want to do me a while at it, do you?

It's OK.

It's just that no -one talks about it.

They all pretend that nothing's happening.

Apart from Crystal.

And now they've gone and taken her away from me.

Well, I'm here.

Any time you want.

Hiya.

Hi.

I'm just going to go and see someone.

Did you get a message to her yet? Yeah.

She says she's sorry, but you're really not to worry.

What do you mean, don't worry? She's mad.

Well, because she's not worried. The thing is, Josh, she's done the whole

on purpose.

What? She wanted to get caught.

Because she wanted to stay with Zandra. In her hour of need. And she hoped you'd

understand.

Yeah.

But I wouldn't want to spoil no -one's plans, would I?

No.

I'm going to stop my plans. They don't count for nothing, do they?

You could have put that a bit better.

Come on, Dockley, get a move on.

Aren't you going to go in there and give her a hand, sir?

Shut it, Wade.

I really appreciate all the support I'm being given, sir.

I ain't going to let you and Miss Klepp down, I promise. Cut the speeches,

Dockley. There's no Oscars in here.

Don't be a stranger now.

The place won't be the same without you.

Oh, bad.

Don't worry.

Happy people.

What's up?

Just thinking about Robbie.

What's going to happen to him?

I suppose you think I'm a sad case, don't you?

Why?

Choosing to stay in here.

You could have got out.

No.

I'm glad you did, though.

What is it?

Okay.

It's just the painkillers wearing out, that's all.

I will get you some more.

Come on, I'll help you get back in.

Hiya, girl.

She let you out? Cool.

Laid it on the line, didn't I? Got extra days?

No problem.

Hey, you should be in your class, not here.

You're the best mate ever.

Come on, move it.

Love you, Crystal.

Oh, yes.

We have a lot of naughty girls here.

I have to keep them all in check.

Punish them if they've been really bad.

Michelle's doing her Olga. She makes out she's this bitch screw.

Get some of them going, sad bastard.

There are a lot of ways.

Sometimes I give them a strip search.

I make them take all their clothes off and... I am getting turned on myself

No, it's a laugh, though.

I get to give them tosses a load of abuse and I get paid for it. You should

it a go, mate.

I have to think of a name. I know.

You could be Hairy Mary, mate.

Hairy Mary?

Yeah.

No, I'm not kidding.

All you want her to do is tell him about her shoe.

Then he starts going on about sniffing them and all that stuff.

Hey, I could be Nelly with the smelly.

I'm just bleeding, dying, that's all.

What are you all staring at?

What am I? A bloody freak show or what?

So, I can't split open my skull and you could all have a good go at what's

inside.

So you come in.

Weren't you pleased to see me?

So, er... How long did you get?

30 days.

Congratulations. I hope you're happy now.

Don't be like that, please.

You should see the state she's in, Josh. I couldn't leave her.

I know, but you could leave me standing outside like an idiot, yeah?

Just waiting and waiting.

I was going to tell you.

But I thought you might talk me out of it.

It's not like you think.

I know exactly what it was like, Chris.

Some secret little pact between you and your God that I obviously weren't good

enough to let in on.

What do you mean, my God?

He's yours and all you know.

Even now, you can't let go, can you?

I'm going to marry someone, yeah?

I want it to be a real person.

Not some kind of saint.

I couldn't compete with her.

I'm married.

George? Well, you know what?

You know what?

You might as well have it.

That's no use to me.

And they can sub my notice and all.

I just want out of here.

want to die it ain't dying

it's like walking out of prison

into the fresh air and the sunshine

leaving all the bad things behind

you know this god stuff do you really think it's

true

If he's angry with me, I've never been to church.

I prayed.

You don't understand.

I know a prayer.

Someone taught it to me when I was little.

Now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

And if I die before I wake, I pray the

Lord with my soul to take.

Do you think that will do?

I think that would be fine, girl.

Oh, I've forgotten my notebook.

I think I'll just look back and get it. Still recording our diet for bed.

Absolutely. Save your place in the queue.

What do you think you're doing?

Having a good read.

You've got no right.

Oh, really? I reckon I've got every right.

After all, some of it's about me, isn't it?

Away with that bit again.

Oh, yeah, here we are.

Shell Dockley is definitely a psychopath.

Now, that's not very nice, is it, Babs?

Give it back.

I think we've forgotten our manners, haven't we? What do you say?

Please. I'm afraid I can't. Not till I've finished it.

I'll report you.

Who to?

Ollenby? That idle, good -for -nothing bigot?

You're busy. I'll come back later.

It's all right. It's OK.

I heard you got a bit upset yesterday.

Yeah.

I lost it, didn't I?

Yeah, well, it's good to let it all out sometimes.

I think you're coping really well, all things considered.

I just wish I was more use.

You will.

You helped me get through.

Just like you helped me get off the smack.

Sometimes I... What?

Sometimes I daydream about what things could have been like if I didn't have

this.

I got clean.

I didn't finish my sentence.

And then, when I got out, maybe...

I

don't suppose it would have worked, would it?

Don't suppose.

It might have.

i shouldn't have done that sorry don't be

at least one of my dreams came true

I'm holding a prayer meeting for Zandra in the chapel in half an hour. You all

coming? Yeah, we'll come, won't we, Jane? Yeah, it'll be nice. I'll come as

well. What, too?

Don't we get an invite?

Sure you do. We're holding a prayer meeting for Zandra.

Ha, forget it. I hate sitting around talking to a load of fresh air.

Anyway, if there was a God, he wouldn't have given her a bleeding brain tumour,

would he?

Unless, of course, he's a psychopath like me.

How about you, Denny?

Not much good at that kind of thing. Too late to try.

We thought we'd do something nice for Zanj. Maybe give her a party. What do

think? Maybe.

Yeah, right. A party's really what you want when you're about to peg it.

I think it's a good idea.

It's a way of showing her we care.

Agree with these two, are you?

I thought you reckoned that they was a bit backward.

What's she on about?

Nothing. I don't know where I picked that up from.

Oh, phone.

Hi, Whiplash Wonder. What can I do you for today?

Oh, hi, John.

Well, turn him off in the chapel.

Oh, he can invite me out to dinner.

Oh, Joe.

I don't know why you think Mr Fenner's untrustworthy, Babs.

What's he ever done to you? Keep it shut, Buckley.

Just one of Michelle's little jokes, I suppose.

No Zandra today, then?

Crystal said she's not up to coming out.

You all right?

Fine. I know she really appreciates everything you're doing for her.

I don't know about that.

I think it might be better if she had another personal officer.

Someone who was... I don't know.

Less involved?

If you can't step back from it, you hand over to someone else.

It's a good rule.

What's more important, though?

That someone who's had nothing but shit all her life finds a little bit of love

at the last minute.

Or that you have the satisfaction of knowing you haven't broken any rules.

What I'm saying is, don't beat yourself up about it.

I

didn't

see you at lunch.

I wasn't hungry.

Come on, spit it out.

It's Dockley, isn't it?

She's got my notebook.

I see.

Didn't think she'd know a word like untrustworthy.

And I can't report her because there are things in there about this gross.

You wouldn't want to do that anyway.

If you graft, it wouldn't just be Dockley who's on your back.

Then what do I do?

I would offer to go and kick her face in for you, but... No, I know.

You've got to keep out of trouble if you're going to appeal.

And not just that. Look, it would only put her off for a while.

She'd catch you on your own at some point.

You have to take her on yourself.

Oh, yeah, I can just see that.

Me, a 50 -year -old woman fighting Michelle Dockley? Whatever.

You can't keep running away or she'll make your life hell.

Here you are, my darling.

Here, look what you've won, give her.

This is so nice of you.

I thought a party would be a good idea. What were you, dying and all?

She's right.

I am dying.

About time someone mentioned it.

Doesn't stop me from enjoying myself, though, while I'm here, does it?

Cheers, guys.

Cheers.

What's going on in here,

then? Oh, we just popped into his answer.

Cheer up, like.

Yeah.

One hour, max.

Thanks.

Dominic.

Cheers, Mr McAllister.

So

what's

it like sharing a cell with Wade, then?

Fine.

It's just that I thought lesbians give you the creeps.

Babs reckons if you could only meet a nice young man, all your problems would

solved. I think you'll find your information's a bit out of date.

Isn't it, Barbara?

Yes.

Why don't you tell us where you got this from, Dockley?

All right.

I will.

And it's a little diary, didn't I?

Because I didn't see why this bleeding urate should stand around making notes

all of us without us having a right to see them.

What ain't right is you nicking someone's diary.

That's their private thoughts, isn't it?

Oh, so it's all right for her to sit here being all nice to Dan. What she

thinks is you deserve to have your baby taken off you.

How dare you use Zandra to get back at me like that?

Why did... You go and get the notebook, Michelle, and then you can show it to

them all in black and white.

She won't, because then she'll see all the other things I wrote about you.

But it's true.

I did write those things she said.

But it was stupid and it was ignorant and it was before I got to know you all.

The only person I haven't changed my mind about is you.

You are a psychopath.

And you are cruel and you are spiteful.

You better get out of here now before I cut your snug little face up. She ain't

going nowhere.

This is my party and I can ask who I want.

It's you that can piss off, Cheryl.

It suits me.

Boring anyway.

It's like being at a bleeding funeral.

You're all right, Barbara.

I still think he's disgusting the way they treat his own.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, maybe they're making it all up.

What? About the brain tumour.

Trying to teach you a lesson, you know, you being a smackhead. I wouldn't put it

past those bastards.

Well, Denny, be sure to knock on my coffin, yeah?

Just in case I'm having you on.

Here's the drink, girl.

Oh, your phone's vibrating.

I think I'm going to get one of them, you know.

Hiya, darling.

It's Saucy Sonia. You want to play?

What do you want me to do? What?

How dare you.

Ma.

How can we want to do something?

Ma.

Ma.

Ma.

Ma.

Ma.

Ma.

That's all that racket coming from the dome.

Leave it.

They're not doing any harm.

Let them have their fun.

They'll be up to something.

Anyway, it's lock -up time.

I said leave it.

holding a memorial service for her.

Two o 'clock.

Well, we're the only ones she had, aren't we?

Don't suppose anyone will go through her funeral.

Did she not have any family?

The baby.

Get this over with.

I ain't got nothing, Black.

Nearest I got is blue. Do you think Zandra'll mind?

No. Like this.

Short, innit?

What's the matter? Are you all right?

Oh, yeah.

I was just thinking about Zandra's kiddie.

I was going to grow up never knowing who she was.

Just like mine.

Well, they're back in touch with you now, Jo.

Yeah, it's not the same, is it?

It's not the same as having them with you all the time.

I've missed years, Jo.

Years.

No.

Hiya.

Hi.

Hey, miss, are pets allowed to visit?

Oh, no, love, I'm sorry, that's against the rules.

Oh, shame.

Do you have karaoke in here?

Yeah, every Friday night.

Cool! And have you got a pool table?

I'm good at that.

Hey, this is not some kind of holiday camp, you know.

Here goes.

Where's Dominic?

Oh, he said he had something to do.

I thought it was a duty to start.

I

thought

Sandra would have wanted him here.

How did you manage that?

Don't ask.

Well done, son.

We are here today to celebrate the memory of Zandra Plackett.

When Jesus was on the cross, he said to one of the criminals being crucified

with him,

this day you shall be with me in paradise.

It makes no difference to God that Zandra was in prison or why she was

What is important?

It's that Zandra made her own kind of peace with God before she died.

And today I believe that she is with him in paradise.

Zandra left me this.

She wanted me to read it to you.

So here goes.

The good thing about knowing you're going to die is that you get to say

you wouldn't get away with if you were still alive.

I can just picture you all sitting there.

My mates and all the screws.

Old body bag and Mr Fenner ironing up all the women when he thinks the gov's

looking.

I want to say thanks to all my special mates.

for sticking by me.

Denny, who ain't the brightest person in the world, but who always made me

laugh.

The two Julies for being like a mum to me.

Mr McAllister, I'm sure you won't mind me calling him Dominic.

Dominic, who stuck by me and got me off the smack.

But most of all, Crystal.

My best friend.

She helped me not to be afraid of dying.

Love you, Crystal.

I've done a lot of bad things in my life that I ain't proud of.

The best thing I ever did was have my baby Robbie.

But I even messed that up in the end.

I'd like to hold him one last time, tell him how sorry I am and how much I love

him.

But I can't.

I hope one day one of my mates can tell him instead.

P .S.

I want you to sing Kumbaya when you've finished this.

Not because I like it, but I remember I used to drive old body bag mad when you

sang it all the time.

Denny and Crystal.

Crystal just got off the block.

What for?

Losing a temper.

We don't like that in here, so be warned.

I never lose my temper, me.

Anyway, that's your bed.

And that's your locker.

So where is everyone, anyway? Or is it always this quiet?

Well, most of them are at a funeral.

Well, a memorial service.

Why? Who died?

Sandra.

I literally seem to be in here.

Shit, I've not got a bed, have I?

Do you know this is the second time this has happened to me?

I'll have the other.

So what are they like, the ones I'm sharing with?

All right, yeah.

Crystal's got religion and Denny's... Denny's got charm.

Nice playing, Babs.

Tell me about the ants.

How could you?

And in church, too. That was blasphemous.

Good at the long way, don't you, Babs?

Must be clever at staying out of my way, Babs.

Well, I'm going to my cell now.

See if I can remember where I hid that nice, sharp razor blade.

Don't be doing for them, Flavor.

When you find it, use it on yourself.

So, where's Robin?

Waiting outside in the car park.

Thought if he came in here he might get lynched.

Probably right.

Anyway, I'd better get him back.

You did well, Dom.

I know it hasn't been easy for you.

You should be proud of yourself.

Come on.

That's enough now.

Back to your cells.

Can't I just hold him before he goes home?

Yeah, of course you can.

One day when you're old, I'm going to tell you all about your mummy.

God help the poor little mite.

Hiya.

I'm Chas.

Oh, Denny.

So you must be Crystal.

Hallelujah.

No, I'm Shell. I'm just with him.

Shell's on an aunt.

What's that?

It's where you go when you're good.

Oh, yeah. Wall -to -wall carpet, your own private bathroom.

Oh, right.

So, Shaz.

Got any stash?

No, I've got some rollies if you want one.

I'd like to take your word for it, but, er...

I have to do a little trip search.

Shut the door, then.

You heard us, Jo.

Said she ain't got none.

I don't envy you locked up in here with her all night.

You want to watch your back.

And you know she farted in her sleep. I don't. I don't, Mum. As long as she

doesn't set light to them.

Yeah, well, I haven't got time to stand around here talking to a kid.

I'll see you then.

See you later.

I guess he's gone to a nice place. I mean, he won't want for nothing, will

Except his mum.

He won't even have a photo of her.

He'll just want to brush her under the carpet like Andy did with me.

Hey, don't kiddies love you?

No, they don't. You've seen their letters. They're polite, that's all.

I just feel like they're writing to a stranger.

Yeah, but that'd be different. I mean, once we get out of here, we go and

Oh, leave it at you.

You know as well as I do, it ain't never going to happen.

I've lost them.

And that's that.

What's the problem?

Headache. Why do you people waste my time?

Go and see the nurse and get a couple of aspirin.

And you're going to give me an eye test?

Then when the headaches get worse, you can put it down to me not wearing my

glasses. I beg your pardon.

And then when it gets really bad and they find that it's a brain tumour...

You're going to find yourself put on report for this. You didn't give a toss,

did you? And you don't now!

The Lord knows though, doesn't he?

You'll make sure you burn in hell.

That's for Zandra.

I don't know what he keeps staring at her for.

She ain't going to be interested in you, is she?

No. I'm just watching the game, that's all.

Nice shot, mate. Cheers.

Do you want a game?

Yeah, yeah, all right.

So what are you in here for, anyway?

Knicking gobstoppers?

Triple murder.

Do you want a break?

Yeah.

I'm going upstairs.

Born on you.

What? Now's the chance.

I can't.

It all blacked out, but even with her.

Just act confident.

She's got shit for brains. You can outdo her any day.

I'll be waiting outside, but you've got to take her on the run.

Nice to see you, Babs.

What can I do you for?

You can give me back my notebook.

Go on, then. I've finished it anyway.

Well, hurry up.

Sorry I changed my mind.

You're chickened out.

I tell you what, make good bedtime reading.

Especially the bit about your old man, Peter.

I bet he wasn't dying of cancer at all, was he? I bet you just got sick of him.

Now, why would that be, eh, Babs?

Wasn't he giving you any... Don't you dare even say his

name, do you hear? Not ever!

Even if we don't get your kids back to you, we'll be all right.

I mean, we're still going to live together, aren't we?

Yeah, of course.

My David will be home in the holidays.

We'll have a great time.

You're like a second mum to him now anyway.

I love him to bits and all, but I don't know the same, innit?

He ain't mine.

Well, sod it, then.

Eh? You could bloody well start from scratch.

What? Oh, it ain't too late, June.

You've still got a womb and you're in on the change yet.

You can have another baby.

Another baby?

But how?

I'm in here, aren't I?

There's ways and there's means.