Original subtitles

What's the matter with me?

Why am I so lost?

Was I crazy before?

Or am I crazy now?

You're out of control Your hair is all scattered!

What have you done to yourself?

I've found someone!

I've found someone!

I've lost my heart to her

I've lost my heart to her

What should I say?

What should I say?

I'm shaken!

I'm shaken!

I've found someone...

I've found someone!

Rakhee.

Shri, I don't like you.

And...

You should have at least bought a real ring. My father is a jeweller.

"Shri, please teach me this. What does this mean? What does that mean?"

Rakhee, you always cling to me in class.

- I cling to you? - Yes.

That's called friendship, you fool!

Love is friendship after all.

I just saw it in a movie yesterday.

In the movie, they also showed

that it took years for the friendship to turn into love.

Yes, but Deepak said,

"So what if her father is a jeweller? His daughter is not a gem anyway.

She will say yes."

Shrirenu Tripathi!

You'll yearn, you'll suffer, looking for water in a dried well,

but in life, you'll neither find love, nor sex.

I curse you!

Also, give your friend Deepak a small gift from me.

Could you please take off your glasses?

You're so stubborn, Pande! You show up every day.

Burnt bread, stale vegetables, you eat whatever's kept in front of you.

It seems like you, too, have Rakhee's curse, just like me.

You'll be all alone now.

Brother, this is for the last two months.

Deepak is yet to pay 4,000 more, but he'll clear it by next week.

When I was your age,

I was paying my daughter's hostel fees.

You're still splitting rent with your room-mate.

Look at Pramod, my useless, good-for-nothing friend.

Gave him a job in my company.

Gave him and Pramila a place to stay at home.

Quit your teaching job.

Join me in my property business.

What's the point?

We've come to this earth empty handed and we're going to leave the same way.

Sorry, sorry.

Take this.

Goodbye.

Even I am more positive than him.

Kusum, I'm on the bus.

That's fine, but first, tell me which jar would be best for pickles.

The left one, old school, which is in Pramila's hand

or the right one, modern, which Nisha's holding?

The one that Nisha is holding is nice.

There are many options in the market.

Looks matter, Shri.

Uncle, please don't complicate an already-complicated matter.

You're going to be late for school and I'm late for work.

Old school is good.

- Thank you. Listen. - Good choice. Bye.

Why is your age 42 in your biodata?

I told you to write 39.

Age matters, Shri.

Three years don't matter.

I've been trying for 15 years now.

The priest has confirmed that this is your year.

You will get married in 2024.

Maybe he means 2024 BC.

Ask Deepu to take a nice picture of you in his studio. Okay?

Don't worry.

VIKAS HIGH SCHOOL, JAMSHEDPUR - 831002

Hey, quiet!

Be quiet! I'm here.

Silence!

Silence!

Good morning.

Good morning, sir!

Warm greetings to you all.

OH SHRI, COME TOMORROW!

The pranks have started early today, huh?

GAMA

Who can tell me the Hindi translation of this?

Yes, Kartik. Answer.

Gama means, "to go."

Gachchami, Gachchava, Gachchmah.

It means, "I am going. We are both going."

And "We are all going."

Very good, Kartik.

- Thank you, sir. - Well done.

Yes.

If someday a miracle of nature happens

and sir experiences the pleasure of getting off,

- what is Mr Tripathi going to scream? - What?

Oh, Gachchami!

Oh, Gachchami!

Oh, oh, Gachchami!

Cracking jokes again, Rakesh?

A-A joke?

No, I actually had a question. Well...

What's the Hindi translation for "virgin"?

Get lost!

I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to arouse, I mean, anger you with my question.

Why don't you have a hot affair?

You think it's that simple?

Kick you in your balls, bro.

Chin down. Aren't you aware?

Why do the students tease you?

Understand the subtext!

You're 42 and still a virgin.

I know you've been unlucky

but you can't be okay with it.

I know it seems impossible, but you must keep trying.

Right.

If I had written my thesis on trying, I'd have received a doctorate by now.

Look straight.

Some have a problem with my name.

Shrinenu? Shrivenu.

- Shrireru? - Some have a problem with my job.

Sanskrit? Teacher?

Some have a problem with me.

It feels a bit weird, Shrirenu.

Did you have coffee on an empty stomach?

It must be gas.

Disgusting!

I have a solution as smooth as butter for your problem.

This sex-chatting app was launched in the market just three months ago.

Aap Jaisa Koi.

AJK for short.

This is different from the other apps.

You and your identity remain anonymous.

Rs. 699 a month.

Unsubscribe from all the other trashy apps.

It's a game of words.

Once you press this,

a lady

will answer the phone.

A new one each time.

Different.

Is this your solution?

Talking on the phone?

Not just talking.

Smooth talking.

She will first encourage you with her giggles.

And then, the still ocean within you which has been lying that way

for decades now will show some movement, Mr Tripathi.

Waves will be created.

First, slowly.

Then, faster.

Faster!

Even faster!

Even faster...

There'll be a tsunami in Jamshedpur. Get it?

Come here.

Principal ma'am never takes my calls. What makes you think other ladies will?

- Think about it. - Exactly.

That is what's amazing about AJK.

They can't see your face.

They'll only get the call.

Who the caller is, how he looks...

They don't care.

But isn't this cheating the women?

Life has cheated you. What about that?

If not the lead, you could've at least been the supporting actor.

You're not a Greek god either. Your wife left you, didn't she?

- After two years! - But she left.

- After two years! - Right.

At least I had a wife.

For the last 20 years,

you've had only two females contact you - Mrs. Kusum Tripathi and Nisha!

Loneliness is a killer, my friend.

When life doesn't give you lemons, make your own drink.

It may not be the best,

but it'll quench your thirst.

Deepak.

Coming, ma'am! Coming!

I'll call you later.

AJK.

AJK.

Hello.

Hello, uh... Hello.

How do you do?

How do I do what?

My name is Shrirenu Tripathi.

That's nice, but I never asked.

Sorry.

This is my first time talking to someone like this.

So, please don't mind if I say something stupid.

This app is meant for stupid things.

Yes.

Yes.

Did you have dinner?

Well, it's 9.30 p.m., so I asked...

I feel like having dessert.

I like desserts too.

But it causes acidity, obesity and diabetes.

But I stuff myself with something sweet every Sunday.

Your voice

has the innocence of Lata ji

and the playfulness of Asha ji.

You have a great voice too.

As if, Gulzar meets George Clooney.

So...

What are you wearing tonight?

Night suit.

You're cute.

And what's your love language?

Sanskrit.

Sanskrit?

Who speaks this dead language these days?

Sorry?

Pardon me, but languages never die.

Maybe there aren't many who speak it.

But if you only read Jean Paul Sartre and not Kalidas, you're missing something.

Sanskrit books may not have attractive covers.

But the real magic lies in the pages within them.

That's so hot.

Can I call you Shri?

Just Shri?

Oh, Shri!

My Shri.

Shri.

Shri.

Shri.

Oh, Shri.

What am I without you?

It's as if I'm not breathing at all

You're away, yet close, my love

The minute you called me...

I came running into your arms

My days and nights Are spent with you

When you're with me

There's nothing else I ask for

Oh, my.

How was it?

"Can I call you Shri?"

"Oh, Shri!"

My friend!

Hey!

Deepu, no one has ever said my name with so much love!

Well done!

Sir, are you...

Feeling all right?

- Yes, why? - No, you were smiling.

Good one, Rakesh.

You're like my wish That has come true

I'm like a shooting star

I was with you then

I want to be with you now

When you're with me

There's nothing else I ask for

The fog is cleared I feel liberated

Since I've found you Since you're in my heart

Wherever I looked, I saw you You were one in a million

I'll never send you away from me

When you're with me

There's nothing else I ask for

Pande, you know what?

If they can't see you,

then you're not scared of them.

I pray you find a kind partner soon.

You know jasmines make me cough.

Bhanu.

Bhanu.

Listen.

I listen to you all day. Can I get some rest?

Bhanu.

I was thinking...

Let's spice it up a bit.

Something new and exciting.

Just you, and I.

Aren't we too old for all this?

OTT has driven people crazy.

They show utter nonsense.

Stay occupied.

You won't get these stupid thoughts then.

I told you

to help me start a cloud kitchen.

Kusum, your cooking hobby

will burn a hole in my pocket.

Tell me, ma'am. What would you like today?

Carrot, radish, turnip.

We have everything. What do you want?

No, give me something else. I want to cook something different.

Oh, hold on, ma'am.

You should get this then. Avocado.

It's from Mr Mahi's farm.

You'll garner a lot of praise.

Fine, give me two dozen of these.

Right away.

Don't overcharge me.

I never overcharge you, ma'am.

- Mrs Kusum Tripathi. - Mr Joy.

Hello! Sorry, this...

- What's this? - Sandesh.

I came back from Kolkata yesterday.

Everyone back home is a big fan of your pickle.

Especially the spice of the lemon pickle. It was great.

I added extra cloves.

Yes, that enhanced the taste.

You shouldn't distribute this taste free of cost, Mrs Kusum Tripathi.

I think you should start doing this professionally.

By the way,

I haven't seen such joy on your face before.

Did you come just to praise the pickle, or is it something else too?

Oh, yes. I have some special news for you.

Even more special than this Sandesh.

Mrs Kusum, I'm in school.

Shri, there's a marriage proposal for you.

She's Joy's niece.

She's been trying to get married for two years now. He just told me.

Has she seen my photo?

Yes, she has.

Did you tell them what I do?

Why wouldn't I tell them? I sent your biodata.

She's a teacher too. What are the odds!

Either she has kids my age, or she's your age.

Something has to be off.

Just tell me.

All this doesn't matter.

But for your satisfaction, let me tell you

that she is 32, single, and has never married before.

Really? Okay, send me her photo.

I haven't asked for her photo yet.

See! I knew it.

I don't want to get insulted anymore. I'm not going.

You are going and that's final. Just meet first and then decide.

Anyway, Kolkata is just three hours away.

Any order, sir?

Yes, a cup of tea with less milk, more tea, ginger, fennel and cardamom.

We don't serve tea here. Do you want some special coffee?

No.

He has mixed feelings in his heart

As she walks in slowly

He has mixed feelings in his heart

As she walks in slowly

As she arrives there's joy all around

As she arrives everything seems different

She is perfect for you

Perfect for you You are all I need

Shrirenu?

That's you, right?

Madhu Bose.

He has mixed feelings in his heart

As she walks in slowly

He has mixed feelings in his heart

As she walks in slowly

Well, I don't earn a lot.

My food expenses and rent take up most of my earnings.

I earn a decent salary.

If need be, it should suffice two people.

You're a teacher, right?

What do you teach?

French.

At the Institute of Art and Languages.

Look, you don't understand.

My school,

my thesis guides are in Jamshedpur. I cannot move to Kolkata.

But who said you have to move?

If things work out, I'll shift.

I'll teach French at your school.

Bonjour!

Well...

Didn't you find anyone else?

I must have read at least 35 biodatas in two years.

Four Rahuls, three Kunals, and seven Abhisheks.

But your name...

Shrirenu.

Exactly, really caught my eye.

Then I read about your hobbies.

None.

I was impressed by your honesty.

At least you didn't lie about water sports and mountain climbing.

Any order, ma'am?

Hot chocolate?

No. Actually, I feel like having some tea.

They don't serve tea here.

I know. Sorry.

Can we go somewhere else?

- Tea with or without milk? - Tea with milk.

Less milk, more tea, with ginger, fennel and cardamom.

Is that fine?

What happened?

She said it at the exact same

tone and speed as me.

Word for word. Ditto. It was like magic.

It's not magic. It's black magic, my friend.

Someone is orchestrating all this to mock you.

She's been single for two years.

Moreover, she's a Bong beauty.

And third language, French? How?

How can a Sanskrit teacher be destined for a French kiss?

Is this Rakesh's doing?

Maybe he wants to make a prank video of me

and then use it to blackmail me for a good grade.

There's only one way to find out.

We're going to Kolkata on the weekend.

Why?

Because Mark Zuckerberg said that it's Madhu Bose's birthday next month.

Cheers!

Birthday means a surprise.

Under the pretext of making a short film...

In which Madhu's uncles, aunts,

brothers, sisters, friends, neighbours, pets, everyone

will say a few words about her.

Tales of her

childhood and youth, things of the past...

And with this secret information, research scholar Shrirenu Tripathi will find out

who Madhu Bose actually is.

Whether she's a decent woman, or otherwise.

But why would they talk to us?

They'll talk to Madhu Bose's French student, Rakesh D'Malvu.

- Bonjour! - What the...

- Bonjour, sir. - Bonjour.

Who could be better than Rakesh to pull off this secret task?

Sir.

I want to atone for my sins and also pass in the upcoming exams.

And anyway, I look French from my side profile.

You look like a pervert from every angle.

She'll understand the minute she sees you.

Well, then she wouldn't have chosen you either, sir.

You...

Stop getting into all this, my friend.

Someone has chosen you. You're like a needle in a haystack.

Now you'll either weave your dreams,

or your bubble will burst.

The point is,

if the bubble doesn't burst.

Then this train journey won't feel lonely.

You'll protect your belongings all night.

You'll get used to fish curry. You'll become a pescatarian.

You'll accompany her when she shops for saris.

"Shopkeeper, one high-neck blouse please."

"For Mrs Tripathi..."

In short, your life will be set for good.

Remember, you rascals. She'll be my wife.

Are we going to have some today?

Fish in banana leaf!

Fish!

No, only practise today.

No, office.

Year-ending.

I need to do my reading.

I need to do my writing.

No.

If Debi Chaudhrani starts eating fish,

then who will fight the British?

If my darling doesn't eat, how can her beloved eat?

Oh!

Bonjour!

Is this Ms Madhu Bose's house?

Yes, who are you?

I'm a student of hers.

Oh! Please welcome.

Relish your fish in a leaf. I put in a lot of effort to get it.

Let's find out if the fish is fresh.

I cooked it. How's it?

Aunty has cooked the fish well, but Shona, you cook better.

I haven't cooked anything.

She is the eighth note of music, Madhu's grandmother.

She's going through her nervous 90's.

Eat that fish.

Madhu madam's mom, Anupama.

The Iron Woman of Shyambazar.

If Madhu Bose is art, then she's the artist.

Uncle Pritam is their live-in son-in-law.

An MR by profession, and writer by passion.

His femme fatale, Aunt Bidisha.

The biggest fan of his spy novels.

You didn't make Potoler Dorma today.

Aunt Shona.

A not-so-famous method actor in Bengali daily soaps who always stays in character.

Shona's manager, her darling, Uncle Parikshit.

This is your joyful neighbour,

Uncle Joy! After his divorce, he moved to Jamshedpur...

Hold on.

...at Madhu's behest, and now, he enjoys being single!

And now let's come to the main person.

Madhu Bose.

What should we say about Madhu? Mom will tell you.

She is her lifeline.

She's magical She's sweet, and sour too

What should we even say About Madhu!

Like the moonlit sky Like a bowl of sugar

What should we even say About Madhu!

She's magical She's sweet, and sour too

What should we even say About Madhu!

No one can mess with her

Nothing is hidden from her

She won't hesitate to slap you!

She'll pin you down in no time

She listens to everyone wholeheartedly

She listens, and keeps it a secret

She listens to everyone wholeheartedly

In every heart, there's only Madhu...

She's magical She's sweet, and sour too

What should we even say About Madhu!

Like the moonlit sky Like a bowl of sugar

What should we even say About Madhu!

She's magical She's sweet, and sour too

What should we even say About Madhu!

What should we even say About Madhu!

What should we even say About Madhu!

I'm Chaitali, Madhu Bose's student.

Didn't anyone tell you about Namit Agrawal?

Who's that?

Ask her. Everyone's favourite, Madhu Bose.

Sir.

You took 10 days to call.

The teachers in Jamshedpur are very egoistic, aren't they?

Well, I don't have the right yet,

but I still want to ask you something.

Who's Namit Agrawal?

How do you know Namit Agrawal?

These days families make WhatsApp groups even before alliances are formed.

Your Uncle Joy's friend is a friend of my friend Deepak.

I don't know the extent to which you know.

We met five years ago. He's the brother of one of my students.

He was pursuing medicine from the US.

As they say, head over heels.

Well, within six months,

we were heels over head.

And one day, in the heat of the moment, things went out of control.

Then, Namit asked me the most disgusting question in the world.

You seem good at this. You're a virgin, aren't you?

Exactly!

I thought he was joking too. So, I laughed.

But he didn't laugh.

He kept looking into my eyes.

He actually wanted me to answer that.

Love is such a gamble.

Mom loved Dad a lot too.

She was willing to leave everything for him, but he left her instead.

For years, she thought that it must have been her fault.

She could have saved them.

You know, even I felt like I should have lied.

Maybe I could have saved us.

But why? Namit was young, he was a doctor

from a good family, and yet such views?

Bloody MCP.

I never met him after that.

"You're a virgin, aren't you?"

Who stays a virgin after the age of 16-17 these days?

You won't find one even at museums.

I...

You?

I was thinking.

There's a Kishore Kumar Film Festival is at Anandlok Theatre.

Do you want to go?

Is it just because I'm Bengali, or are you a Madhubala fan?

- Hi. - Hi.

Please come.

Good morning... Good afternoon.

- Hello. - Hi.

If you don't mind...

- Sorry. - Okay.

Sorry.

You can't drive, can you?

I did learn, but I've forgotten.

So what made you remember it today?

I was trying to impress you. Sorry.

- Here you are. - Thank you.

You know,

Kishore da was a maverick, no doubt.

Correct.

But I still found Ashok Kumar hot.

Ashok Kumar?

- Hot? - Very.

Really?

Oh, thank you.

I've been waiting for you.

You've seen me properly, right?

What?

You could have found anyone.

You may have found someone after Namit.

I did.

But no one found me.

No one found you either.

You really underestimate yourself.

You're shy.

But your shyness is really sexy.

And your smile...

There... There it is.

Incredible.

You're too much.

When we first met, I understood.

Cute girl, nerdy boy.

This could become a romcom.

It could become a thriller too.

Actually, I'm a virg...

I'm a very... weird person.

That's why you're different.

You're époustouflant.

French for "breathtaking".

And you're indrajaal.

Sanskrit for "magic".

I like you, Shri.

Just deal with it.

And your name

should have been Madhubala, not Madhu Bose.

When I met you, I just wished

That we had met earlier

When I met you, I just wished

That we had met earlier

Well, I don't know much about you

Yet everything seems very easy with you

We're strangers But I never felt that way

Tell me how you felt After meeting me

Sorry, my class ran late.

Thank you.

Come even later the next time.

Why?

I was sitting here, wondering if you've tied your hair today,

what you've worn, if you're wearing a watch today...

I've never had the opportunity to wait for someone.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

I came early.

I also wanted to experience what you did the other day.

Oh...

Tea!

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- Less milk. - More tea.

Ginger, fennel and cardamom.

When you're with me...

Close to me...

Your presence is enough

Being with you is magical

Silences with you are magical

We're a bit restless

Sorry. Madhu-Shri!

But let some things remain unspoken

When I met you, I just wished...

Always be happy like that.

When I see you like that,

I feel very happy.

How's Shri?

What should I say?

He still keeps flowers in books.

Really?

Even when he scolds his students, there's sweetness in his voice.

He rushes back home to water his plants.

He is a wonderful man.

Bose? What caste is Bose?

Caste is now in the past.

The girl and her family should be decent.

We're going anyway. You can check.

The tea is boiling.

Pramila, pack some pickle too.

You haven't put these in the car yet?

They've been kept. These are just...

Come, I'll show you. Come.

Dad.

Very good.

We need to send the scholarship application in five days.

One year training at the company. Food and accommodation are included.

If I score well, they'll even recruit me.

I'm sure you'll score well.

And then recruitment within a year? That's great.

Nisha, dear, I'm your father.

I only wish you well.

Study hard, get a job.

But take some interest in the household chores too.

That's how you'll learn.

- What's that new show on TV? - Kitchen Queen.

Yes. Nisha, dear.

Watch Kitchen Queen.

You'll develop some interest in cooking.

You want me to develop interest and then just cook at home, Dad?

If your in-laws ask you to cook for an occasion, will you order food online?

If you help with the household chores, you'll learn.

You help me first.

Didn't I tell you?

Start a restaurant for me. At least a cloud kitchen.

But you're only interested in selling apartments.

My friends do word-of-mouth publicity for me.

And that's why you're giving them your pickles for free.

You're so naive.

Did you forget to add cardamom?

Have I ever forgotten it in 25 years?

You can't taste cardamom after chewing catechu.

You have so much to do all day.

You must've forgotten. It's okay.

Hold on, I'll make it again.

There is cardamom in it.

It's a bit less, though.

They look great together.

She looks even prettier as she's going to be a bride.

I mean, they look beautiful together.

- Incredible! - Wonderful!

Excellent!

Mr Bhanu, why did you make bookings at a hotel?

We'd have easily accommodated everyone at home.

This is the style of the Tripathis, Mr Joy.

Allow us to show you the style of the Boses, Mr Bhanu.

Celebrate Saraswati Puja with us this year.

Absolutely.

Mother celebrates it with a lot of love.

Hey, eat it.

- Please have some. - Please.

Shri, you played it well.

Thank you.

Well...

The third note that you hit...

Mesmerising!

Brilliant.

I've made mistakes since childhood.

My Guru would beat me up for it.

No, it's not a mistake.

It's your own expression.

Don't change that.

Madhu.

He will perform Haate Khori at Saraswati Puja this year.

Is that okay?

- Wow! - Very good!

As you wish.

Haate Khori. On Saraswati Puja, children write their first alphabet.

You know, I read somewhere that soulmates meet in every lifetime.

In different relationships.

Grandma and I were soulmates too.

She may have been my sister in one life.

Maybe my daughter in another.

Can't even imagine my life without her.

In that case...

Mrs Kusum must have been around me too.

Sometimes when she smiles and scolds me,

it feels like receiving a scolding from my mother.

Withering is also blooming in a way.

The books preserve the fragrance of these flowers.

Now you keep these safely.

It's from my favourite book.

Sorry, I've been silly since childhood.

Époustouflant since childhood.

Épous... what?

Breathtaking.

That's strange!

I'm praising you, and you're sad?

A lonely person looks the same way, whether they're happy or sad.

I don't know how to do all this...

Hmm... lonely?

- One. - One.

- Two. - Two.

- One. - One.

- Two. - Two.

Three,

four.

- It's just one... - One.

- Two. - Two.

Get used to duets.

Your days of going solo are over.

Two.

One, two.

One.

Two.

What happened?

It feels so good to be with someone.

Everything feels like a dream.

Mommy...

No...

Delete... Just delete it...

I didn't mean that. I meant...

I saw it... I mean, Deepak showed me...

Forget it. I mean... Sorry.

The tone can be a bit sexier.

Daddy?

Oh, Mommy...

Oh, Daddy!

Oh, Mommy...

Oh, Daddy!

- Mommy... - Daddy...

- Oh, Daddy... - Oh, Mommy...

Oh, no.

What happened, Mrs Kusum?

We weren't enough. What else?

Even though we're here,

Shri misses his mother and Madhu misses her father.

I heard them calling out "mummy" and "daddy"

They sounded full of pain.

Oh, my dear.

What's happened?

- Mrs Kusum... - That's not done.

Emotional times,

emotional measures.

Say "Shri"!

To that! To that!

Grandma! Cheers!

- To Shri and Madhu! - Shri and Madhu.

- Of course. - Yes.

- There's a saying in Bengali... - This looks okay.

- Here goes... - Tring-tring.

Tring-tring.

Hello?

How are you doing?

How do you think I am?

You know what I think?

I want to take you someplace isolated.

Yes.

You look very cute when you blush.

Can I call you Shri?

Just Shri.

Oh, Shri!

My Shri.

Shri!

Yes, Shri!

Shri! Shri!

Shri. My Shri.

My Shri! Shri...

Shri.

Shri.

Shri.

Shri.

Come closer.

Yes, a bit closer.

Say "Shri"!

"You're a virgin, aren't you?"

Who stays a virgin after the age of 16-17 these days?

You won't find one even at museums.

Right?

AJK.

AJK calling.

Hi.

AJK.

AJK calling.

Hello?

AJK.

AJK.

Hello! Listen.

You listen to me, madam.

I have been deceived.

I've been deceived too, dear.

Does anyone named Madhu Bose work there?

She's from Kolkata. She teaches French--

We're sorry. Your call cannot be completed as dialled.

This kind of betrayal!

And I was thinking

I'd give her the respect

of my mother after your marriage.

There are 80,000 men

on the Aap Jaisa Koi app.

So, even if she was on the app for a month,

you can calculate how many she must have spoken to.

Stop your nonsense!

Kick in your balls, bro. This isn't nonsense.

It's simple math.

Many of them must be around here, in Jamshedpur.

What are you looking at?

Hey...

I cancelled my subscription long ago.

Hi.

Shri.

Shri?

The number you have dialled can't be...

I'm busy, text me.

Listen, I'm going out for a few days. Don't act too smart. Don't tell my family.

Why are you going to Agartala?

Because it takes three days to get there, and if I stay there for 10 days,

then I won't have to think about all this for the next 15 days.

About what?

Do they also teach acting at your institute?

I know you're on the Aap Jaisa Koi app.

Really?

So what? You're on it too.

So why didn't you tell me?

I didn't even tell you that I drink two litres of water every day.

AGARTALA NAGAR BUS SERVICE

Are you a drug addict?

You offer services on a sex-chatting app.

Service? I have a subscription, goddamn it! I pay for it.

Really? So you pay to have sexual chats with men?

You pay for it too. What's the big deal?

It's different for me. That's how men are!

Right! So desires are only for men, and decency is for us?

I thought I'd tell you on the night of the engagement, and we'll have a good laugh.

But no! If a girl is single and sexually active,

of course, she's bound to be characterless.

Shri.

Shri!

Shri...

I was tired.

I was done with toxic relationships, heartbreaks and emotional baggage.

I wanted to run away from all this.

I just wanted to have some fun.

Then we spoke on the app.

You were the first and last man in the last two months who didn't ask me

what I was wearing.

Instead, you asked me what I had eaten.

Someone who wanted to talk and listen too. I had fun laughing with you.

I know we spoke only once.

But I just couldn't get you out of my head.

You touched me without touching me, Shri.

I didn't need the app then. I just had to find you.

There was just one Shrirenu Tripathi on Google, from Jamshedpur.

Uncle Joy's neighbour, the pickle lady Kusum's brother-in-law.

I am a very simple man, Ms Bose.

I only understand simple things.

I come from a decent family.

I want a decent family for myself too.

You and I... it's just not going to work out.

You're just like the others.

I don't want to be with a hypocrite like you either.

Wow!

Now by doing this, you'll feel like you're woke.

Wrong, Ms Bose.

You're a liar, a deceitful woman

with a loose character.

Perhaps, that's why this is happening to you for the second time.

Flowers will be showered as soon as they exchange garlands.

It'll feel like the wedding of an emperor.

The groom should be worthy of being called an emperor.

Uncle is here.

Come on!

The wedding is cancelled.

The wedding is cancelled.

Shri, we need your measurement for the headgear. Look down.

Will you wear a pink or purple coat? Tell me.

Why do you even ask? Just get whatever you want.

I just wore Bhanu's kurta at my wedding too.

Uncle, I think we should write "Madhu weds Shri", not "Shri weds Madhu".

- Oh, yes... - The wedding is cancelled!

But why was Madhu on an app like that?

You're a Sanskrit professor.

What were you thinking going on an app like that?

Bhanu, please don't get aggressive.

If Shrirenu has reacted like that,

then I don't know what the others will do.

It'll be a riot.

War.

There will be war.

Where's the staircase?

It's on the 25th floor.

There's no need for a fight or argument.

We are civilised people and we shall behave like one.

Civilised, my foot.

What else could we expect from these Bengalis?

They humiliated us at the club.

The women were drinking.

They were smoking and playing cards.

They were even discussing politics.

While the men

were running after the women like pet dogs.

Losers.

If they love their wives, they are losers.

I'm not getting a good feeling about this.

Madhu should have told Shri.

But of course she was going to tell him, Shona.

But the way Shri reacted...

Frankly, that speaks more of his character than Madhu's.

Absolutely. His character is questionable.

Why are you playing the victim card? Both of them were on the app.

- Joy Bose! - Listen...

Pisces, Aries, Capricorn, Cancer, Libra...

One, four, seven, eight, 12.

Sir.

I don't see a fault in the horoscope.

The fault is by birth, Priest.

The horoscope is fine.

On paper, he is compatible with most girls.

But when the girl meets him...

Should I feed milk to a snake? Or light a lamp for a cow?

Should I alter the spelling of my name? Just tell me what to do, Priest.

The seventh circumambulation is complete.

Sir, you may now make

the seventh vow to the bride.

That after marriage, every woman

will be like a sister or mother to you.

For the rest of your life,

no third person will intervene in your love life.

Priest, if I spend the rest of my life with this, when will the real woman come?

Sir, why are you getting so emotional?

This is an imaginary marriage.

Just quickly transfer money via UPI

and get the names of the girls.

Everyone say "Shri".

Shri!

The fog is cleared I feel liberated

Since I've found you Since you're in my heart

Wherever I looked, I saw you You were one in a million

You made me yours And then sent me away

I, no longer

Find my shadow

Is this what

Love is all about? Tell me

The winds witness my broken heart

The ocean is deep But the shores are dry

The nights are lonely The days pass by

I'm lost and isolated

The noise seems silent

There's fog all around

How do I join all the loose ends?

The bond is broken

How can I trust you now?

When the cloud betrays What will the land do?

The one I prayed for, ruined me

Love has brought me to a crossroad

I, no longer

Find my shadow

Is this what

Love is all about? Tell me

The winds witness my broken heart

The ocean is deep But the shores are dry

The nights are lonely The days pass by

I'm lost and isolated

No! You listen to me! Why are they calling me?

You better tell them.

No! We have paid our money!

Hang up now!

What happened?

They can't cancel the venue.

We've paid half, but they've refused to pay their share.

Now the venue guy is harassing us.

Typical entitled Tripathi behaviour.

They show off excessively at their functions,

and if things don't work out, something goes wrong, they won't pay!

Yes.

Disgusting.

Hey, Madhu's coming.

Madhu! Come, come.

Sit.

The venue need not go to waste.

If you know of anyone who's single,

they can use it.

What?

What happened?

Come on, Joy!

Okay, at least tell us your type.

Let me guess... Feisty and funny.

Someone who could match his silly sense of humour.

Bestseller idea.

"Uncle gets married on the dias meant for his niece."

There's thrill and romance too.

Hey, shut up!

You can't force me to marry just so the venue can be used.

No, this is blasphemy.

It's not blasphemy, Uncle. You're so romantic by nature.

I know relationships are difficult, but I'm sure you'll master them.

Yes, relationships are difficult,

but I'm also pretty sure

you'll master them too.

Trust me.

I trust you.

That's why, from today, back to work.

Let's quickly move on, and this will all be forgotten.

Who were you showing the apartments to?

Dad...

The company's going off-site next week. I have to go to Kolkata.

Are you asking or informing?

I'll go with her.

She won't be alone, and she can work too.

And what about the household chores?

Don't worry.

I've taught Pramila everything.

The groundnuts need to be dry-roasted on slow flame, not in oil.

The chutney needs to be ground the traditional way.

With onion, chilli and lemon. Everything will be taken care of, don't worry.

I'm not asking about the food.

I want to know when you'll teach Nisha the household work.

I've told you already...

Studies help you become independent.

But culture keeps the family together.

Modern girls...

divide their maternal home as well as in-laws.

What's that show, Pramod?

High Maintenance Daughter-in-law.

High maintenance.

Your exams are over, Shri.

Come along, you'll feel better.

No, I won't go.

Kick in your balls, bro.

It's Saraswati Puja.

The best single girls in India must be in Bengal right now.

Much better than Madhu Bose.

Madhu Bose?

Who's that?

Uncle, can you get us some tea?

Yes, right away.

- Less sugar. - Okay.

Thank you.

Oh.

Are you okay?

Then don't pretend that you've moved on by saying, "Who's Madhu Bose?"

Pretending to move on makes moving on easier.

You're still young. You won't get it.

Uncle, it was your first, but I've had many.

I could get a PhD on break ups too.

You found a girl who didn't want to change anything about you.

She loved you for the way you are.

She didn't want to laugh at you, but with you.

And you dumped her for a stupid reason.

You know, once I was going to meet a friend.

He sent a message, "Where are you?"

Instead of typing "I'm on my way", I wrote, "I'm in my way".

In that one second, I found the breakthrough of my life.

We're all in our way, Uncle.

Move.

- Move! I'll miss my train. - Oh, yes.

This is so painful, Deepu.

I can't take it anymore.

You can't digest a small glass of alcohol

and you're trying to gulp down a bottle?

I really miss Madhu.

What do you mean, you miss her?

You just said, "Who's Madhu Bose?"

I lied.

To you, and to myself.

But I can't anymore.

She's spread through my system.

This isn't you

but the alcohol talking, my friend.

When you get sober tomorrow morning, you'll forget about Madhu Bose.

Hey, listen.

Don't try to be a green flag.

If you're even thinking of going to Kolkata,

it's going to be over my dead body, remember that.

- Hello. - Hello.

Where can I find Ms Bose?

Shri!

Sorry.

Young man, she must be in the library.

Hi.

Namit.

What are you doing here?

Nothing's changed, right?

Even today, when I see Ms Madhu Bose...

Coma.

Listen, um...

I'm sorry for showing up like this, Madhu.

But I really miss you.

You know, I just finished my MD from Johns Hopkins.

I'm opening a hospital with Dad.

260 beds, multi specialty--

Congratulations. Good for you.

Listen, I'm sorry. I fucked up badly, I know it.

We were heels over head, Maddy.

Won't you forgive me even once?

Don't you think it's late for an apology?

I felt that too, when I learnt you got engaged to an oldie.

But... But that's not the point.

The point is, you're in Kolkata, and I have a chance to rectify my mistake.

Namit.

Madhu, I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

Madhu, please.

Listen, let's just step out and talk.

Nisha came here for an offsite. I came to give her some stuff.

I was about to leave and I saw you.

So, I thought I'd say hey.

Hey, bro.

Hey, bro.

Hi, hi.

Shri.

Of course.

I knew it when I saw you.

Ashok Kumar.

You must be Namit. I knew it too.

Wannabe actor!

Won't you invite me to sit?

Madhu.

Ms Bose.

I wanted to talk to you one-on-one.

Mister, could you give us two minutes?

- Excuse me? - Excused.

You two have been chatting in the library. Can't you give me two minutes?

Have you been following us?

Why do you want to know?

You haven't even looked back,

you're just moving on.

I'll wait outside.

- I'm so sorry. - It's okay.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

Thank you.

Any other man in my place

would have reacted that way on knowing about the app.

But everything's fine now.

I have calmed down.

I forgive you.

I'll allow you to do whatever you want...

but within limits.

Why should you decide my limits?

I thought you had changed.

But you're still judging me.

You're trying to control me, and limit...

You're teaching me about my limit.

And you're here to forgive me?

Aren't you a professor of Sanskrit, Shri?

Yet you haven't been able to understand the definition of love.

Love only wants love in return, equal love.

You and I, equal.

And that kind of love

you can never give me.

Yes, hello.

Will someone from this family take my calls?

I've been rotting at Howrah station.

When did you come here?

I've been paying for your misdeeds.

I need to resolve the venue issue. We also need to see a new property.

Are you coming to fetch me or should I get a cab?

The bloody venue guys!

They are asking me for half the share.

I'll get their licence cancelled.

Half the expense was ours anyway.

The groom's side only gets the profit,

not loss.

Mrs Kusum Tripathi.

- Don't say that. - No.

Mrs Kusum.

Where's your phone?

Brother.

Get some rest at the hotel.

We'll resolve the venue problem.

There's no need.

I've had plenty of rest.

Brother.

The venue guys have agreed.

I've resolved the matter.

Let me resolve this too.

Okay.

Since when has this been going on?

Since when?

What difference does it make?

If I say that it has been a week instead of a month, will it hurt less?

You don't even feel ashamed!

I used to feel ashamed.

I felt quite ashamed.

I wondered how I could do this.

I've never done this before.

When Joy

brought Madhu's proposal,

we started conversing.

Gradually, we developed a strong friendship.

Being with Joy made me realise my true identity.

The love and identity that I sought, by being with you for the past 28 years.

A wife

a mother

a sister-in-law.

That's all I could be identified as.

Other than this, who was Kusum?

Don't speak nonsense.

Are you really making an excuse for having an affair with this rascal?

I'm educating my daughter.

I allow her to work.

I respect my wife.

Is there any other man in Jamshedpur who has allowed his wife to work at this age?

Who are you to allow me?

You have authority over the business and the house, not over my self-respect.

I grind the spices.

I dry them under the hot sun.

I put them in jars and earn some money

so that one day, I'm not told

that I was "allowed to work!"

How old am I?

Just a few years older than Shri?

He hasn't even begun his new life but my social life should be over?

Read something other than rent agreements, Bhanu Tripathi.

Fifties is the new forties.

And you don't respect me.

It's your daily routine to insult me.

Insult?

If at times, I call you naive or an imbecile fondly...

Does it amount to insult?

Can't I even joke around?

Can I mock you?

Tell me.

Can I call you a dimwit or a glutton?

In front of others?

Let it be.

Sister-in-law has just lost her way.

She'll be fine in a few days.

She isn't lost!

My mom has fallen in love.

You won't understand.

You...

Are you leaving me for good?

Kusum!

You...

are leaving me?

If I send you food and medicines thrice a day, Bhanu

then you won't even sense my absence.

I'm sorry, Bhanu, that it transpired in this manner.

But I love her and I'm not sorry for that.

Do you hate me that much?

I don't hate you.

But I'm unable to love you.

Kusum...

Whatever you've done...

just apologise for that.

I'll forgive you.

I'm quite magnanimous.

Apologise to me.

I'll forgive you.

What should she apologise for, Brother?

Is the moral policing directed only at my sister-in-law?

Regardless of your actions, should my sister-in-law pay the price?

If this is what makes her happy,

I'll support her.

No matter what you do or where you go,

I'll continue to love and respect you the way I always have.

Hello?

When?

What happened?

Mom was rehearsing for Saraswati Puja with the children

and she slipped and fell down.

Fainted.

Okay, fine.

Dr Bannerjee said that a fall can be quite problematic at this age.

The heart rate has dropped. And her platelet count was already low.

Shall we take her to the hospital?

It's pointless, Kusum.

Mom told us the previous time.

She doesn't want to visit the hospital again.

She was very enthusiastic to celebrate Saraswati Puja.

She was very excited like a little child.

Tell me why you are so worried.

I'm telling you.

Mom will be absolutely fine.

I'm sure her health will improve by then.

There are seven days left until the festival.

I don't think that she'll be able to see it.

Then let's celebrate the festival now.

When it comes to faith, we shouldn't consider date or time.

We should venerate the Goddess every day.

Okay.

Let's arrange for a small ceremony.

Why small? We'll do it exactly the way Grandma wanted it.

We'll do the same. Come.

Deepu, pack your bags soon and come to Kolkata.

Kick you in your balls, bro!

What will I do there now? That unfortunate incident has already taken place.

What nonsense.

Am I the one speaking nonsense? Why don't you ask your sister-in-law?

What was the urge to make such a drastic decision at this age?

Mr Bhanu isn't a dacoit or murderer.

He has never been violent either.

Deepu, you don't understand.

Or maybe you never understood, just like me.

Love seeks only love.

Equal love.

The love and respect

should be mutual.

The doctor got us worked up for no reason.

As soon as Grandma found out that we're bringing the Goddess home,

she immediately felt better.

My poor heart was naive

It made some mistakes

My poor heart was naive

It made some mistakes

Your anger torments me

My joy feels incomplete

If I'm ousted from your heart

Where can I go?

How do I wander around the world?

Let me return to your heart

How do I wander around the world?

Let me return to your heart

My poor heart was naive

It made some mistakes

Why did we fight? What have we done?

I still wonder about it

When you got upset with me and left

Why didn't I stop you?

If a bird flies away from the boat

It will return there

You are my home

Where do I go?

How do I wander around the world?

Let me return to your heart

How do I wander around the world?

Let me return to your heart

My poor heart was naive

It made some mistakes

How do I wander around the world?

Let me return to your heart

You're fully wet.

Where's Madhu?

Ms Bose.

Someone told me

that I'm the "King of Nerds."

That person was right.

Then you called me a Male Chauvinist Pig.

You were also right.

But I have

another attribute.

Virgin.

Well, I don't have any disorder.

I just never got so close to anyone.

I tried my best to tell you.

But I felt anxious that I...

I felt that you'd leave me.

I always thought that

I'm not like Bhanu Tripathi.

I'm well-educated and liberal.

I'm not narrow-minded.

I treat everyone equally.

But the foundation remains the same.

And that is how I've been brought up

and that's the upbringing of more than half the men in this country.

They may fail in geography

but they are an expert in flaunting their moral compass.

Because we learned only that.

My relative, Brother Pramod

my best friend, Deepak

my student, Rakesh...

Maybe if they were raised in an environment like yours,

they'd have been different.

But I'll try.

I'll try my best.

I'll work harder on this than I ever did during my PhD.

I've dedicated my life to teaching others.

Now I'll be a student.

And I'll never speak about allowing any lady to do something.

Because she can make her own choices.

And I may make mistakes.

But I'll apologise.

I'll correct it, but don't suspend me from the school.

Please give me the opportunity to appear for a re-test.

I know that Namit is handsome.

He's young, rich and smart.

I lack those qualities.

But no matter how I may be,

I'll give you equal love, Ms Bose.

You...

and I will love and respect each other mutually.

Because "Cute girl and Nerdy boy..."

That is the...

real romcom.

I'm complimenting you and you're being sad.

A lonely person looks the same way, whether they're happy or sad.

Lonely?

Namit?

I had lunch with him, so you thought I was having an affair?

There is no love, can there be no friendship at least?

Bloody MCP!

Hold on.

What are you looking for?

The ring.

Ever since you returned it, I always have it with me.

And now when time is in my favour...

My destiny is like me. Lame.

Your destiny is like you.

- Époustouflant. - What?

You still don't remember?

No.

Congratulations, Shri.

We are engaged.

As she walks in slowly

He has mixed feelings in his heart

As she walks in slowly

He has mixed feelings in his heart

As she arrives, there's joy all around

As she arrives, everything seems different

She is perfect for you

Perfect for you You are all I need

What else could I ask for?

Subtitle translation by: Gideon Mayilveloo