Original subtitles

With special guest star, Red Gelton.

With Vivian Vance, William Froley, and Little Ricky.

Here's where our property is, Rick. Our own little Fort Knox.

You know, Fred, I can't thank you enough for cutting me in on this real estate

deal. I still say we should have waited until we got to Alaska and looked at the

property before we bought it.

Instead of going ahead and buying a frozen pig in a poke.

Listen, Ethel.

This hunk of land is only ten minutes from the heart of town.

Bargains like that don't grow on trees.

How do we know that it's a bargain? Just because some conniving friend of yours

from Alaska happens to write... Just a minute, just a minute. Charlie Charles

no conniver.

He's as honest as the day is long.

Yeah, but in Alaska, it's the nights that are long.

And you, you're the level -headed one. You were supposed to talk him out of

deal. What happens? He talked you into it.

A thousand dollars for a hundred -acre popsicle.

Yeah. Fred, I always... knew you were a little daffy, but I thought Ricky had

more sense.

Don't bug me, Ethel.

Alaska's going to have the biggest land boom in history.

Oh, sure. That's right. He's right.

Must I remind you of Florida in 1927?

That little sand dune she wouldn't let me buy is today known as Miami Beach.

Well, I still agree with Ethel. I don't think we should have paid $500 apiece

for some land we haven't even seen.

That's right.

Secretary of State Seward bought the entire territory of Alaska without ever

having seen it.

That turned out pretty well.

Ten to one, he was a bachelor.

Eskimos rub noses. If they kissed through their lips, they'd stick

When I get up to our room, I'm going to put a hot water bottle in my snuggies.

You do that, dear.

Hello. We'd like to check in.

Names, please.

Ricardo and Mertz. We have reservations.

Ah, yes. Here we are. Just a minute.

These reservations start tomorrow.

Oh, I know, but we came up a day early because we bought some property up here.

Yeah, our husbands are driving out to look at it right now. I'm sorry. We

have a thing for tonight.

You don't?

Not a thing. And I'm afraid you'll find all the other hotels in town filled,

too. Oh, fine.

Well, Lucy, what do we do?

Well, we'll just have to wait here until Ricky and Fred come. Are you sure you

haven't got anything at all? I'm sorry. There's not a thing for tonight.

Oh, dear.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

to know. Thank you. Thank you.

This one's that one's mother.

This is the nephew. I didn't want to break up the family.

Give him a bowl of milk and put him to bed.

Your suite is all ready for you, Mr. Skelton. Thank you. I'll go right on.

Mr. Skelton. Yes? I'm Lucy Ricardo, Ricky Ricardo's wife.

Oh, glad to know you. And I'm Ethel Mertz. My husband is her husband's band

manager. How do you do?

Gee, your hair really is red.

Naturally.

That's more she can say about hers.

We should have said that.

Mr. Skelton, maybe you could help us. You see, we came up here a day early,

they don't have any rooms for us until tomorrow.

Maybe you could use your influence?

Oh, I can try.

I'm sorry, Mr. Skelton, there isn't a thing available.

Oh, my. What do we do, Lucy?

Say, I tell you what, tonight you can use one of the rooms in my suite.

Oh, no, we wouldn't think of inconveniencing you. Oh, it's quite all

on a diet and I'm supposed to cut down on sweets.

That's a good hotel joke.

I'm on a diet and I'm supposed to cut down on sweets.

Oh, is that news?

Well,

anyway,

do the best you can.

Yeah, we just gotta have more beds.

Okay.

Said they'd try to find some for us.

Well, they'd better. It's obvious the four of us can't sleep on that.

That's for sure.

Hey, what do you know?

Alaskan music.

I must have been out of my mind to let you talk me into this thing. Well, it

wasn't my fault.

Well, it certainly wasn't my fault.

What's the matter?

You know, the property we bought was supposed to be ten minutes from the

of town. Yeah? Well, it's ten minutes from the heart of town, all right. By

airplane.

It was two miles farther to be in Siberia.

From the looks of it, we cornered the snow market.

Thankless to Fred.

What do you mean, thanks to Fred?

You were supposed to talk me out of buying the property.

If you didn't have crooked friends like Charlie Charles, this thing wouldn't

have happened in the first place.

Oh, will you two stop bickering?

Say, now that we know we bought a white elephant, maybe we can sell it back to

Charlie. Ha! We tried that.

Just because he's crooked doesn't mean he's also stupid like somebody else we

all know.

I'm getting sick and tired of your insults, Ricardo.

Come on, Ethel, let's go to our room.

This is our room.

All right, then, we'll go to ours.

This is ours.

You mean the four of us are going to share this?

Honey, Mr.

Skelton will hear you. He's right in the next room. So let him hear me. Honey,

this is part of his suite. He was nice enough to let us use it for tonight.

Yeah, Ricky, our reservations don't start until tomorrow and there wasn't

another room available.

Well, now, ain't that just dandy?

First I blow 500 bucks on a frozen moose pasture, and now this.

Don't worry. They're sending up more beds.

Well, they better.

I'm not going to sleep in that old thing. Well, I'm not going to sleep in

old thing. If you think I am, you're crazy.

Come in.

Here are your sleeping accommodations.

Okay.

Say, that looks like an army cot, a hammock, and a sleeping bag.

Yeah, that's what it is, all right.

Here you are.

Thank you.

I hope you have a good night's sleep.

Sure.

Hold your horses, Ethel. I'll be out in a minute.

Mira que tiene cosa la gente. Some accommodations.

Oh, now, Rick, it's kind of cozy.

Yeah, be it ever so humble, there's no place like Nome.

Things aren't bad enough, huh?

We're going to do this democratically. We're going to draw to see who sleeps

where. That's right.

Me first. Me first.

Don't cheat.

My mother told me to choose you.

The hammock.

Don't blame me. Blame your mother.

I'll go left.

What'd you get, Fred? What'd you get?

None of your business.

And get your big feet off my bed.

else to sleep in an envelope.

Well, I guess I'll get ready for bed.

nice if you'd offer to buy Fred's half of the property.

What? Well, $500 is a lot of money for Fred to lose.

Well, it's a lot of money for me to lose.

Well, I know, but we can afford to hang on to the land better than Fred can.

Nothing doing. We went into this thing as partners and we're going to go broke

as partners.

Yeah, but as long as you're partners, you're going to be at each other's

throats. And our friendship with the Mertzes means more to me than $500.

All right, then you buy it.

Good night.

Listen, I want to tell you people something.

Before they make Hawaii a state, they better be sure they got enough beds to

around.

I don't like my congressman about this thing.

What's her name?

How do you get into one of these goofy...

If I feel like it, yes.

I just came in to see if everyone was taken care of. Oh, yes. Everything is

fine. Bitchy.

Thanks a lot.

Good night.

Good night. That's all right. It's fine.

I'm sure that doesn't happen again.

Do you need any help there?

No.

You could say that again.

You could try this.

Well, everybody pipe down.

Listen, if he hadn't been for you and your lame brain skin, we wouldn't be in

this predicament in the first place.

That's not bad enough.

I thought you were going to come in that door. That's why I hooked down that

door. That's all right. Don't worry about it. Well, I hate to be a nuisance,

I have a little problem I thought Ricky could help me with solving.

All right, sure, Rat.

What is it?

Well, the actress that's supposed to work in the sketch with me is not going

be able to make it.

So I thought maybe the girl that plays the harp in your band could pinch him.

Well, I'd love to let her do it, but she doesn't know anything about acting.

Well,

it's a Freddy the Freeloader sketch, mostly pantomime, teached to anybody by

minutes.

in the show, Alaska will succeed from the union.

Succeed? Cece, get out. Get out. Oh, no, Mr. Skelton, not you.

Cece, get out of the union.

Get out of the union. Oh, please, Mr. Skelton, give me a chance. I'm sure I

could do it. Don't be a fool.

Don't listen to him.

If you let her do it, you'll be out of your mind. He will not.

And why are you so mean to me?

I only came in to ask for a favor. I didn't want to start another Spanish

-American war.

I say let her do it.

Well, thank you, Fred.

I'm glad you think I can do it. It's got nothing to do with your talent.

I just want to get some sleep.

Listen, you stay out of this, huh?

Please, Rick, if you don't let her do it, none of us will get any sleep.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Scalton. You won't be sorry that you gave me this chance.

Believe me, I'm going to get a good night's sleep, and I'll be fresh as a

in the morning.

Yes.

Good.

Hey,

I've got an idea. Why don't you two girls take my double bed, and I can

here in the hammock? Oh, no, we couldn't do that.

Why not?

I don't mind. I can sleep anywhere. Oh, thank you. That certainly is very nice

of you, Mr. Scalton. Oh, thank you, Mr. Scalton, so much.

All right, this does it.

Come on, Fred, move over there.

Oh, come on.

You, when you ski, you have to go by all... What are you trying to do? Give

pneumonia. I just want half of the blankets.

We're still partners, remember?

Don't remind me.

Ethel. Ethel.

Oh, Lucy, I gotta get some sleep. Listen, I've been thinking. I hate to

Ricky and Fred squabbling over that property.

Uh -huh. You know, big stars like Red Skelton all own real estate.

Yeah, so?

So why don't I ask Red Skelton to buy that property and save our friendship?

Okay.

That's a good idea. I'll ask him the first thing in the morning at rehearsal.

I forgot to kiss Ricky goodnight.

on the front of the freeloader sketch?

I think so. He's been working with the girl all morning. Good. We'll take it

from Roy's intro. Okay. All right. Stand by for a dress rehearsal on the front

of the freeloader sketch.

Mr. Skelton, your entrance is on a musical cue.

Show me a richer pair than you and me.

Traveling everywhere and traveling free.

Poor us.

Poor us.

Poor everybody else.

People who don't have money don't pay bills.

Boy, am I glad we took our pauper pill.

Poor us. Poor us.

Isn't that the way to live?

We don't give a darn. Give a darn. Of course we haven't even got a darn to

All we have is lots of time to spend.

Wandering through the land of mystery.

Are you hungry?

Famished. Dinner?

Where? How about the Waldorf?

Oh, not again.

The Ritz?

Why not? I love the maitre d'. Really?

Pity the folks who think they have much more.

They are the ones that we feel sorry for.

For us.

For us.

For everybody else.

What have we got? Nothing.

Nothing's what I choose.

What have we got? Nothing.

What have we got to lose? We don't want your sympathy.

Give it to the poor.

For everybody.

For everybody else.

Hi. Hi, honey.

How'd rehearsal go? Just wonderful. Red said I was fine and I get to do the

show. Oh, that's great. Ray, did Ricky think you were good? I didn't even ask

him. He and Fred are still at each other. I didn't want to get within

range. But I talked to Red about the property. We've rented the Jeep and are

driving out there to look at it right now.

And if he likes it, he's going to buy it. Great.

You want to come along?

No, thanks, honey. I'm going to go buy some souvenirs. With Fred at rehearsal,

this is my big chance.

Okay.

Listen, don't say a word to the boys because I want to close the deal first.

I wouldn't open mine now. Well, I just wanted to make sure. Well, you've known

me longer than that. Bye.

Bye.

Great news.

Now, thank you very much for calling.

Fred!

Fred!

What do you want now? The way you've been chasing me around, my feet are worn

clear up to my ankles. When did you hear the news? That was Charlie Charles on

the phone. They think that there's oil in our property.

Oil? Yeah!

Yippee!

Well, you know, we didn't make the ship out of business after all.

Well, you're right. I knew that you were a short businessman. You're a pretty

smart little man yourself, Mr. Ricardo.

Yeah, but you two would stop fighting, and Red said if he liked the property,

he'd buy it. Buy it?

Yeah. Oh, no.

Maybe we can stop her. What are you going to do, fly?

Why not? We'll go to the airport and rent a plane. Come on.

spring thaw.

I'm a member of the Motor Club.

Oh, that's keen. That's keen.

I don't think they have a branch in this neighborhood.

You sure my wife is all right out there? She's coming down pretty hard. She may

be delayed a little in getting back, but I'm sure there's nothing to worry

about. I hope you're right. Believe me, this weather is only dangerous if you're

flying. And who'd be silly enough to be doing that?

Hey, the blizzard stopped.

No, we're flying above it. Oh.

What's that blue stuff out there?

Sky?

Yeah. Sure is clear.

You act as though you've never seen sky before.

I haven't.

in Los Angeles.

Are you warm?

Well, he's kind of close in here.

How about you?

Very comfortable.

Blizzard is going to last forever.

Oh, now, don't give up hope, Fred.

Oh, that oil's slipping through my fingers.

Oh, Fred, take it easy. How do you know Lucy sold him the property?

Because Lucy hasn't done one thing right since the day we met her.

That's how I know she sold him the property.

you're going to get a child up here.

Oh, the radio.

What's the matter with it? Maybe I can contact somebody.

What do I say?

Don't ask me. I haven't been on radio in years.

Hey,

you look like the police have stopped.

I'll tell you what he says.

Go ahead, Roger.

That's them right there.

I've got you on the radar scope.

You're close enough now to start losing altitude.

They got us on radar scope.

Oh, good.

He says to lose altitude, you push forward on the wheel.

Push forward on the wheel? Yeah.

Okay.

on the throttle.

Lucy, did you sell it to...