Original subtitles

The Lucy Desi Comedy Hour.

With special guest stars Betty Grable and Harry James.

With Vivian Vance, William Froley, and Little Ricky.

This is Rick Ricardo.

Telegram, just a minute, please.

Yeah, go ahead.

Uh -huh.

Thank you very much, Operator.

Thanks.

Hi, son.

Here's the slippers, Daddy.

Slippers? Here's your pipe.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Do you love me, Daddy?

Of course I love you, son.

A lot.

But I'm still not going to buy you that horse.

Oh, darn it.

It always works for me. We should have more rehearsal.

Lucy, what a terrible thing to put the child up to.

I'm ashamed of you.

Well, you've been so stubborn about buying him a horse, little Ricky and I

desperate. We thought it might work, didn't we, honey?

No.

thinking.

Here, I guess you're going to have to ride this a little longer.

Why can't he have a horse, honey?

One of the reasons we moved to the country was so he could have animals.

That was before I found out how expensive it is living in the country.

I can hardly afford peoples.

Best friend Billy Thompson has a horse and little Ricky just loves to ride him.

Because he hasn't got a wealthy father like little Billy.

Oh. Now, honey, we've been over this a thousand times.

Besides, I want to tell you about my surprise.

What? You know who I'm going to meet at the airport at 5 .30?

A flying horse?

No. Oh.

Betty Grable and Harry James.

Betty Grable and Harry James? Yeah, I just got this telegram and they accepted

the engagement at the club. Oh, honey, that's wonderful.

arriving this afternoon to start rehearsals.

Fred?

Yeah, Rick?

Listen, I thought you might like to drive to the airport with me. I got to

the Jameses. Oh, no, thanks. That's quite a long trip.

I'm just sitting here in my union suit just about to take a little snooze.

All right.

I just thought you might get a big kick out of meeting Harry James and Betty

Grable. I'll see you later, though.

What's yours done now?

It's what he hasn't done. I made another pitch to get a little Ricky that horse

and got absolutely nowhere.

Well, cheer up, honey. Your old pal Ethel has a solution right here. Listen

this.

Enter Corny Crinkle Cereal Contest. Win this beautiful trotting horse absolutely

free. One entry per person. Just select a name and send it in with a box top

from a package of Corny Crinkles.

Is that all you had in mind, Ethel? I entered that thing a month ago.

You already have.

Why was this addressed to me?

Well, each contestant was only allowed one entry. So Lucy signed all of her

friends' names. And your entry won.

Oh. Oh, little Ricky's so excited he's telephoning all of his friends to tell

about his new horse.

His horse?

The letter is addressed to a Mr. Fred Mertz.

It says the winner is a Mr. Fred Mertz.

And I guess you know what my name is.

If you're thinking what I think you are, it's Mr. Fred...

is registered in my name, Mr. Fred Skunk.

Fred,

I just can't believe you're not giving that horse to little Ricky.

Oh, I'm going to give it to him. Well, I should hope so.

If the price is right.

Ethel, if you're trying to scare me, you've got to do better than that.

Fred,

you can't be serious. You wouldn't do this to your own godson.

Mommy! Mommy! What, dear?

Can we call Daddy and tell him the news?

Well, a little later, dear. Daddy won't be there for about an hour.

Yes, sweetie.

There's something you have to know about your uncle.

Okay, thanks.

Mommy, mommy, my horse is here. Come on. Your horse is here?

Oh, honey, how fresh.

That's all. Mommy, here he is. Oh, isn't he a beauty?

Well, whoa, hello there.

That's mommy.

Yes, he's so sweet.

Never saw a horse take to a person so quick.

as gentle as the land.

we can keep him. Be that dandy, all right.

What's his name?

Uh, you know, Fred, uh, Whirling Jet.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, that's a very nice name I picked out for him. Hello, Whirling Jet. I

assume you're the lucky Mr. Mertz. Yeah. Would you sign this, please?

Sure.

Plan to race the horse, Mr. Mertz? Oh, no, no, no. I'm gonna give him to my

godson to ride.

That's mighty generous of you.

Well, that's how I am.

Generous to a fault.

God, son, a horse worth a thousand dollars.

Look, while you're catching your breath, I got some news for you.

Oh? Yeah, I've been talking to Harry James about horses.

And he tells me that it costs a fortune to keep one.

As a matter of fact, that's the reason that he and Betty are doing club days,

help pay for the upkeep of all the racehorses that Betty's talking to buy

So you better withdraw from the contest.

Harry James told Ricky that it costs a fortune to keep a horse, and now he

me to withdraw from the contest.

Withdraw? You just won!

Shh!

Okay, dear, bye.

That Harry, James.

Why doesn't he save his breath to blow his bugle?

Well, what are you going to do, honey? Give up the horse?

And break my son's little heart? I am not.

It's either his little heart or your little neck.

Don't worry, Ricky isn't coming home till late. I got plenty of time to think

a way to keep that horse.

You're going to need plenty of time. I know.

Now, let's see.

Lucy, where are you?

I'm out in the kitchen, Fred.

Oh.

Hi. Hi. Have you got any clothesline?

Has Whirling Jet broken that rope again?

No, but he's chewing on it.

Well, I'll look.

Have you decided what to do with that horse yet?

No. I'm working on it. Well, you better work fast.

If Ricky finds that nag around here, there's going to be the biggest Cuban

explosion since the battleship Maine blew up.

Oh, relax, Fred. Ricky won't be home for hours. All you've got to do is keep

that horse tied up. You've let him get away twice already.

Well, it's not my fault if he chews through the rope.

He keeps coming over here because he wants to be near you.

And it's not my fault if the horse happens to like me.

there with him and don't let him chew it anymore.

Ain't this dandy, at my age.

Nursemaid to a lovesick horse.

All right, Fred, come on, come on, come on. Just stay out there and everything

will be all right. All right.

For porn's sake.

Whirling Jet, you have got to quit following me around.

Is that clear?

to take you out and tie you up again, and you're going to stay in that garage

like a good boy, aren't you?

Oh, yes, you are. Now, you've got to learn to behave.

I got enough problems trying to explain you to Ricky. I think I'll take you out

there myself this time.

horse over to the Ramseys. We can't let Ricky see him. Okay, come on, boy.

Hey, I got an idea. If he does see us, we can say it's Ralph and Betty Ramsey

their way to a costume party.

You know, Ralph's in the front and Betty's in... Ethel, leave the thinking

to me and go open the door.

He's on his way in. Well, both the...

The Jamesons were driving out. They were right behind me, but I lost them in the

parkway. They should be here any minute.

Any minute?

Yeah.

Let's go, Fred. We'll just be in the way. No, don't go. I like you in the

Where are you going, dear?

I want to get the drum out of the thing.

I'll get it.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Honey, since the Jamesons are driving out and since they've never been here

before...

trumpet and she may have gorgeous legs, but apparently they're not too bright.

What's that? Sounded like a horse.

A horse?

That was me.

That's right, Rick.

After she's been eating like a horse for so long, she's commencing to sound like

one.

I think I've been working too hard.

Maybe I should go outside and get some fresh air. Oh, yeah. That's a good idea,

dear. Get some fresh air. You'll feel better.

Come on, Ethel. We've got to get Whirling Jet out of the den.

Wouldn't it be simpler to get Rex Drum out?

No. With them rehearsing here, there'll be people in and out of the den all

evening.

How are we going to get him out of the house?

We could take him through the Dutch door.

That's no good. Ricky can see that door from the driveway.

How about taking him through the kitchen and out the back door?

That door's too narrow. He'd never get through it.

That's right. Ethel can barely make it.

Oh.

There's just no way to get him out of here.

You mean we gotta keep that horse in the house?

We have no choice.

Fred, you go out and talk to Ricky and you keep him out there. Don't let him

come back in here until we figure out what to do with that horse. Okay, but

hurry up. Yeah, we will.

You keep him out there now. All right.

only place where people won't go.

Besides, he is kind of a guest, aren't you? Come on.

Last chance.

Will you please let us keep whirling, Jet?

Well, I'll give you one last answer.

No.

I think it's just terrible making us sell him. Betty Grable thinks we should

keep him.

If Betty Grable had her way, we'd have bought every horse in the world.

And we almost have.

Mabel's legs are legs.

Your legs are something else again.

What do you mean?

What's the matter with these?

Nothing, only you got them all upside down.

Oh, honestly, Fred.

Come on, Ethel. Let's go break the news to Whirling Jet and tell him goodbye.

Now, do a good job.

Okay, Rick.

Okay. All right, kids, let's take it from the top.

Ready, fellas? Here we go.

Brighter than flame.

You will feel on fire too.

After you.

We will want to dance on to the moon, but the boy, I'll overcome.

to write in my diary.

Hey,

Harry. Gee, that was just great in the trumpet. That lip bar with the rhythm

section is great.

Well, thank you, Ricky. Say, who wrote that tune in the album? Arthur Hamilton.

Oh, it's wonderful. How was that for you, Jack?

That's fine. I hope it goes like that tomorrow night.

Good. Oh, hi, honey.

I just kissed Whirling Jack goodbye, and you may not believe this, but there

were tears in his eyes.

Trotters are running now at Roosevelt Raceway.

How about entering him into a harness race? Then if he wins the purse money,

he'll take care of his feed for the rest of his life.

Yeah!

Well, if you don't mind my saying so, that's not very practical.

Why not?

Well, to begin with, we don't know if the horse is a good trotter or not. Then

if he loses, Ricky will be out the entry fee.

Yeah. He'll also have to pay for the training and the driver and the

That's enough.

That's enough.

It was a good try, honey, but it's not a good idea.

Oh, Ricky.

Nothing done.

and you just get up this horse capers.

Oh. Listen, how was that Britain for you? Was it too fast? Fine, yeah. Just

about right? What is that thing, that round thing that makes... Betty, Betty,

Betty. Wake up. Would you like to have some coffee with me in the kitchen? No,

no, no thanks. All right. I just made some. They're real fresh.

Oh. Yeah. All right. I'd love some. Thank you. It's got that string inside

they pull... Listen, there's something I want to know, Ethel.

Ethel!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I usually cook up my schemes with Ethel.

Any reason we couldn't enter that horse in a trotting race ourselves without

telling Ricky and Harry?

Of course there isn't. All right, you know a lot of people at the track. Will

you help me? I sure will. I'm never too busy to put one over on a couple of

husbands. Good.

Now, how do you enter a horse in a race?

Well, it's going to take some money.

Oh. You see, there's the entry fee, then you have to pay the driver, and then

there's the feed bill.

Oh, we're going to have to have a trailer to take the horse to the track.

Oh. We're going to need around $300.

Oh, well, I don't know where I get that kind of money. I can lend you a hundred.

Betty, you're just what I've been looking for.

An Ethel Mertz with money.

Thank you. You're welcome.

But we're still short 200.

Gee, where are we going to get the rest of that money?

Say, how about your friend Fred Mertz?

Fred Mertz!

But you told me he was the legal owner of the whole...

Well, he's also the legal owner of every dollar he ever made.

You don't think he'd be willing to... No, no, not a chance.

Hello, Betty.

Hello, Fred.

I wonder if you'd autograph this picture for me. Oh, I'd be glad to. Do you

mind? I'll just use your big, strong back.

Do I mind?

Oh, by the way, Lucy and I have a little scheme, and we need your help with it,

Freddy boy.

Anything you say, Betsy girl.

Well, we just thought we might enter Whirling Jet in a trotting race without

telling that mean old Harry and Ricky about it. No kidding.

And since you're the legal owner of the horse, we're going to need your

permission. Well, you have it, my dear.

Oh, you're a real sweetheart.

Oh,

one more thing.

Lucy and I are a little... short of the amount we need to enter the horse.

So, could you chip in with a little old measly two hundred?

Hmm?

Fifty. A hundred.

Fifty. Two hundred.

Thank you.

Now, are you sure that's enough?

Oh.

Well,

it's nothing.

And remember, If you need any more, just call on Frenzy Boy.

See you later.

Bye. Bye.

We got it.

Benny, I gotta hand it to you. There's just one other person that ever got that

much money out of Fred, and he used a mask and a gun.

Good morning. Oh, good morning, Betty. Well, have you seen your horse yet? No,

not yet.

Gee, he ought to be on the track by now. He probably doesn't like getting up at

this early hour any more than I do.

Oh. Here he comes.

That's Whirling Joe.

Gee, he doesn't run very fast.

No, he isn't even walking very fast.

Good morning, Mrs. James.

Oh, hi, George.

I'd like you to know Mrs. Ricardo. She owns Whirling Jet.

How do you do?

Howdy. And this is Mrs. Mertz. Hello.

Howdy.

Well, how's he doing?

Not so good, Mrs. James.

Well, what's the matter, sweetheart?

Say, he sure cottons to you. You must be the one he's been looking for.

What do you mean?

Well, every time I try to drive him past the stands, he stops and looks like

he's searching for a long -lost friend.

If it was up to me, I'd scratch him.

Scratch him?

Is he itchy?

Scratch him, George.

That means take him out of the race.

Oh, no!

I'm sorry, Mrs. Ricardo, but I can't get him to do anything for me.

Well, then maybe we'll have to get somebody else.

Not a driver in the track would want to race this horse.

But, George, what am I going to do?

Look, Mrs. Ricardo, I'll drive him back to the stable.

You decide what to do and let me know.

him for sure. Oh, what a shame that horse had to get a crush on you. What

luck. Whirling Jet, why don't you forget about me and start going steady with a

cute lady horse?

Come on, Whirling Jet, let's get going.

Mrs. Ricardo, now that he's seen you, I can't get him to move at all.

Would you mind driving him back to the stable?

Well, uh... Okay.

But you'll have to tell me what to do.

Just walk around back and get on.

Well, okay.

Now what?

Better turn around.

Oh.

What happened to the floor?

Walkies don't have floors.

No kidding. What'd he do to your feet? Just let them dangle?

Put them up here and he's...

Like a human slingshot.

Honey, you look great.

Oh, thanks.

What do we do now?

Just take the whip, just tap him lightly, he'll walk to the bar, and I'll

along with you.

Okay.

That's right.

Shane, you can't drive him in the race this afternoon.

Yeah, it sure is.

Well, I'd better report to the track stewards that we're scratching him.

Thanks, George.

Oh, dear.

Daddy, go tell George not to scratch Whirling Jet.

But why? You're the only one that can handle him. Yeah, I know.

Oh, come now, Lucy. You can't be thinking of... Why not?

They have lady drivers, don't they? I guess so.

Oh, Lucy.

Listen, Ethel, as long as we've gone this far, why not go...

set a new world record.

Yeah, and think how much better I'll be this afternoon now that I'm experienced.

Well... Ethel!

How are we going to keep Fred from seeing the race?

We can't let him know that I'm driving his $200 investment.

The simplest thing would be to tell him you're driving and he'll faint. When he

comes to, the race will be over.

Ethel, we've got to think of a way to keep him from going to...

I wish I'd have been there, but I was busy picking out my racing silks.

Oh, good grief.

Fred, we were just thinking, maybe you shouldn't go to the track this

No, maybe you shouldn't go.

What do you mean?

Why, it's all settled.

I've invited Harry and Ricky to join us in my private box.

Harry? Ricky?

Private box?

What's the matter with you dames? Why did you tell them our secret?

I didn't tell them what we're going to do.

I just invited him to go.

And when they see Whirling Jet in the race, it'll be a big surprise.

You can say that again.

Where are you going?

I'm off to the Roosevelt Raceway to have a stirrup cup with my fellow horse

owners. Tally -ho.

Racing silks in a private box. The first time in his life he ever spent any

money, and it's got to be now.

Oh, gee, that's a shame, Lucy.

Looks like you'll just have to forget about the whole thing.

You're new around here, aren't you?

Well, she's already missed the third and fourth race.

It looks like she's going to miss the fifth.

I don't think she'll miss this one. Do you, Ethel?

No, sir.

She won't miss this one.

Well, I sure hope she doesn't.

I've got a feeling it's going to be a hounding...

It looks a lot like whirling jet. Yeah.

Well, that's a surprise I told you about, Rick.

It is whirling jet.

What?

What is he doing in this race?

Well, don't you see? When he wins the race, he'll make money enough so that...

From racing him, you'll make a fortune with him.