Original subtitles

You mean he took you to see the Dodgers at Ebbets Field?

Well, wasn't that nice of Mr. Appleby?

Uh -huh, and tomorrow he's taking us to the zoo.

Well, that sounds like fun.

Well, good night, sweetheart.

Sleep well, and I'll see you Monday.

Want to say good night to Daddy?

Here. Good night, partner.

Good night, Daddy.

Good night, son.

Good night, dear.

Good night.

Oh, good thing I called him early. He was in his nightie nights all ready to

to bed.

I wish I was in my 99s all ready to go to bed.

No, Mickey, don't start that again.

Well, it's just that I'd rather be going to bed than to some boring country club

dance. Oh, grumble, grumble, grumble. Why shouldn't I grumble?

Every night of my life I wear a tuxedo.

I take a weekend off, and what do I do? I'm wearing a tuxedo.

Honey, I think you should always wear a tuxedo. You look very distinguished in

it. Well, I look even more distinguished in my nightie night.

Oh, no.

The Ramseys asked us to be their guests. We accepted, we're going, and that's

all there is to you. All right, honey, all right.

Anyway, honey, it sounds like fun. The Mertzes are going.

Harry and Grace Munson are going. Oh, yes, they're bringing along a house

of theirs, too.

Who is their house guest?

Oh, I don't know. Some cousin of Grace's. Diana, somebody or other. Oh,

There's another one I'll have to dance with.

Oh, now, honey, will you stop?

I'm ready.

Oh, Evelyn, you've got a new dress. Yes, darling.

Oh, it's just beautiful. I'm just crazy about it. One of your eyes. I love it.

And doesn't Freddy look cute in his tux?

Adorable. Oh, I'm adorable, all right.

I'm choking to death. My shoes pinch.

And I wreaked a high heaven of mothballs.

Come in, come in. The door's open.

Oh, look at that girl. So cute.

Oh, Betty, you look beautiful.

Get a new dress.

Come on, let's go, let's go, huh? Come on, honey, let's go.

All right, listen, take our car.

All right, we'll take our car.

Isn't that a beautiful dress on her?

Hey, look, fellas, I want to apologize for this. It was all Betty's idea.

You mean you hate the thought of getting into a tuxedo and going to this dance

as much as we do?

Sheesh! I belong to the country club, so I can play golf.

It's the little woman's idea dragging me to these affairs.

Well, if we'd known how you felt, maybe we could have banded together and

refused to go.

Yeah, do you think it's too late to try?

I'm afraid so, Fred, I'm afraid so. The Munsons and their houseguests are

expecting us.

danced once.

What's wrong with why?

My feet are still throbbing from once.

Oh, stop yawning, Ricky.

I'm sorry, honey. It's past my bedtime.

Well, try to stay awake.

I am.

If I wasn't trying, I'd be asleep.

Ralph, why don't you ask the orchestra to play a Charleston?

A Charleston?

I haven't that much energy.

Well, look, if we're just going to sit here like bumps on a log, we might as

well go home.

Good. Let's go home. Second the motion.

It's been moved and seconded. We all go home. All those in favor say aye. Aye.

The ayes have it. Motion carried. Let's go. Oh, Rick.

Honey, you heard him. There were three ayes. Well, there are going to be three

black ayes unless you all sit down.

Frank, come on.

Honestly.

Guys, it's early.

Early? It's 11 .30.

It would be rude to leave before the munchins even get here.

All right, I'll give him ten more minutes.

And listen, when they do get here, be sure you ask Grace's cousin to dance. Do

you hear? Oh, no, honey, not me.

Ralph.

Nothing doing.

Oh, look at me, Ethel.

Just because you don't want to dance with us, there's no reason you should be

rude to Grace's cousin.

It's not that we don't dance with you, honey.

All right, folks.

Beautiful.

Oh,

here we are, Diana.

Hi.

Diana Jordan.

This is Mr. and Mrs. Ralph Ramsey. How do you do?

Hello. And Mr.

and Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.

Hello. How do you do?

And I'm... I'm Freddie Mertz.

Oh, hello.

Oh, hello.

I'm Mrs. Mertz. Oh, yeah.

Miss... Diana.

Oh, Diana. Will you sit down? Oh, but yes.

Thank you.

Well, did we miss anything?

Have you been having fun?

Oh, we've been having a lot of fun. Lovely time.

Yeah, it's been great.

Yes, it's been a lot of fun, but we were just leaving because the boys are so

tired.

like to dance?

Oh, yes, I adore it. Oh, well, isn't that nice?

Let's cut in, by all means.

suddenly recovered from his sleeping sickness.

I see your husband's foot condition finally cleared up.

Isn't this a disgusting spectacle?

Now what are we supposed to do?

Well, maybe we should dance with each other. My mother told me to...

not to be rude.

Freddy's trying not to be rude, too.

He's out there now not being rude.

And Ralph is waiting his turn not to be rude next.

and they didn't want to be rude to her.

Do you know Ralph danced with that girl eight times?

Ricky danced with her nine times.

How about Fred?

Thirteen was the grand total for Twinkle Toes.

What an exhibition.

You'd think they'd never seen a blonde before.

They still haven't. If she's a blonde, I'm a redhead.

How about the boys taking up a collection so they could keep the

for an extra hour?

starting it off with a $10 bill.

Did you see the way they leaped at the invitation to the party tonight the

Munsons are giving in Diana's honor?

Well, I'll tell you one thing. I'm not going to sit around like a bump on a log

again tonight.

There's one bump to another. Just how do we avoid it?

If our husbands want glamour, let's be glamorous like Diana.

Oh, isn't there an easier way?

skirt, loose hips, and wet lips.

Oh, Lucy, that might be all right for you, dear, but I'm just not the

type. If I could look like Diana, do you think I'd have married Fred?

Oh, come on now, there must be some way for you two to glamor it up.

Say, I do have some very exotic perfume I've been saving. This may be just the

occasion to use it.

about you, Ethel?

No, I don't know.

Why don't you try your glamorous hairdo, the one that makes you look like Grace

Kelly?

You think it'd work?

It'd work for Grace Kelly.

Good, that might be just the thing.

Sure, there's no reason why wives can't be just as glamorous as other women.

After all, we were women once ourselves.

Our wives are still over at my house, huddled around the dining room table.

Yep. I sure would give a lot to hear what they're saying.

I wouldn't.

Betty gave me the silent treatment.

Lucky you.

Did she really lock you out of the house?

I had to sleep in the rumpus room.

That's what we call it because every time we have a rumpus, that's where I

sleep.

I never seen Lucy so mad.

The way she stormed and ranted and raved.

She acted like me.

it was worth it.

That Diana is a cute dish.

Wasn't she, though?

Wasn't she, though? And do you know that I think she kind of went for me?

Must be the Yul Brynner influence.

Now, listen, you characters.

We weren't very nice to our wives last night.

What do you mean?

You know what I mean.

We acted like a bunch of schoolboys.

Well, when I... I was a schoolboy, there were no schoolgirls like Diane.

Well, I think that tonight we should be nice to the girls.

We're going to dance every dance with our own wives tonight.

Every dance? Every dance.

With our own wives? Yes, with our own wives.

Well, Ralph?

Well, yeah, I guess you're right, Rick.

How about it, Jewel Brenner?

Well, okay, but for corn's sake, don't let this get to be a habit.

Honey, hurry up. It's time to go.

In a minute, dear.

All right.

Hi, Rick. Hi, folks. Hi.

Where are the girls? Oh, Betty's still primping. And so is Ethel. She usually

takes an hour to dress.

Today, she's taken over two and a half hours.

Betty was spraying so much perfume on herself that I had to get out of the

house. Sheep!

One more squirt from that atomizer and I'd have been overcome by the fumes.

You think you've got a problem?

Ethel's got her hair all skinned back like a wet Pekingese.

Don't these guys see what the girls are trying to do?

They're trying to glamorize themselves to outshine Diana.

You really think so?

Sure. Lucy's been locked up in our room all day long getting ready.

I even had to get dressed in the guest room.

Oh, so that's what they're up to.

Oh, brother, if Ethel's trying to be glamorous, she won't be ready for a

Look, Fred, don't forget what we promised.

We are going to be nice to the girls.

Besides, what they're doing, I think, is kind of cute.

Cute? Wait till you get a look at Ethel.

Wait till you get a whiff of Betty.

No matter what they do, we're going to go right along with them.

Okay, all right. Here's the boss.

Pardon me, beautiful. You have the wrong house.

Betty, it's me.

Who? Ethel.

You didn't know me. You didn't know me, did you, Fred?

You're a real stunner, you little dickens. Oh, thank you, Fred.

Somebody smells awful good.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's that new perfume that Betty's wearing.

Brings out the beast in a man.

that dress.

Do you like it?

Oh, I think it's lovely.

And so are you.

Thank you.

think that the dress is just a little bit too tight. Oh, but no.

Everyone's wearing them like this.

Yeah, I know, but are you going to be able to sit down?

Oh, of course, but yes, I can sit down.

You're going to have to sit down in the car to get to the dance. Well, we'll put

the top down and I can stand up all day.

Oh, Lucy, that would be fun.

By all means, put the top down, Rick. Put the top down. All right. Let's go.

Yeah, well, wait a minute, girls. Listen.

You wait right here. I'll go get the car and bring it to the front.

Yeah, honeybunch, don't you walk any more than you have to.

Save those gorgeous legs for the dance.

Gorgeous legs.

Oh, Lucy, you were absolutely right. A little glamour really works.

Yeah, usually I have to wait in the cold while he backs the car out so I can

close the garage door.

Can I get you a plate from the buffet, dear? Thank you, dear.

Lover? Well, I've already had one plate. Oh, have another. I like my women

chubby.

How about you, honey?

Oh, I'd adore something to eat.

Lucy, you must be getting awful tired of standing up. Oh, it's not too bad. I'm

getting to be a pretty good leaner.

I can't get over the way the boys are acting.

It's too good to be true.

Yeah, isn't it?

Fred hasn't been this nice to me since he thought my aunt left me $500.

Well, I'm going to start buying this perfume by the barrel.

There's just one thing. Do you realize that the boys haven't even looked at

Diana tonight?

Sure they haven't.

It's because we're so devastating.

Well, we're pretty devastating, all right, for us.

But why are they ignoring her the way they are?

Seems very strange.

I think there's more to this than meets the eye.

Oh, listen, Lucy.

I don't care why Fred's acting the way he is. I'm just going to relax and enjoy

it.

Lambie Pie, this is for you.

Couldn't we dance now any later?

Well, I was in hopes you'd ask me, Snookums.

Dance, or would you rather eat this without?

We can always eat. All righty.

How about you, honey? Would you like to dance? No, I think I'd rather eat. Oh,

all right.

Oh.

You know, I never eaten standing up before.

Hmm.

It's kind of fun at that.

Probably good for the digestion.

Food goes straight down, doesn't have to make any turns.

You having a good time, honey?

Uh -huh.

Ricky! Oh, hello.

You haven't danced with me all evening. How come?

Well, I've been dancing with my wife. What's the matter with Ralph and Freddy?

They've been dancing with their wives, too.

Oh!

What's this world coming to?

You're certainly acting a lot different tonight than you did last night. I am?

Yes, and I'd like to know why.

Ricky Ricardo, you're up to something.

No, I'm not up to nothing.

How come you haven't danced with Diana tonight?

I just don't feel like dancing with Diana. I want to dance with you.

You felt like dancing with her last night.

Oh, honey, well, last night I was just trying to do what you told me. I was

trying to be polite. Oh, you were just trying to be polite. Look, why don't you

just confess?

Confess what? You're up to something. You're being much too sweet.

What's wrong with being sweet?

When you're this sweet, there's something rotten in Cuba.

Now, wait a minute. I don't know what I'm going to do with you. If I don't pay

attention to you, you get mad. And if I pay attention to you, you get mad. What

am I supposed to do? I know that you're just dying to get out there and dance

with Diana, so why don't you go ahead and dance with her? All right.

What do you mean? And tell that beast to take his hands off you. Beast?

I just found out why the boys are being so nice to us. They're cooking up a

scheme with that blonde.

What are you talking about?

See, whenever husbands have anything to hide, they say, what are you talking

about?

What are you talking about?

See?

Freddy, why are you being so nice to me?

Because husbands should be nice to their wives.

Oh, that's the worst excuse I ever heard in my life.

I will.

Maybe Fred took up another collection for the band.

I must have been crazy to let you talk me into leaving that party. Me too.

Frankly, I was having a wonderful time.

So was I.

It was the best evening I ever spent with Fred.

He was, well, he was almost human.

Yeah, well, the whole thing was a plot.

Lucy, just what was this plot?

Yeah, you've never been very clear on that.

Well, don't you worry. It was a plot, all right. The three of them and Diana

were... were... Well, they were... Well,

they were... Were what?

Oh, I don't know, but at least we're teaching the boys a lesson. Oh, sure.

They're out dancing half the night with that blonde and we're all here brooding

and we're teaching them a lesson.

Well, this has gone farther.

I'm going back to the club.

Apologize to Ralph. for running out and bring him home.

I'm going with you. Let's go.

Well, now, isn't this a pretty sight?

Two cringing wives crawling on their knees begging their husband's

Coming with us, Lucy?

Yes.

Well, how about it, Rick? Can we go home now?

Yeah, it's ten minutes at...

Look, we said we were going to stay here until 2 o 'clock. Then we'll go home.

But it seems like we've been sitting here for hours.

We have.

The party broke up at 11.

The way that our wives ran out of us, we agreed that we were going to stay here

until 2 o 'clock and then go home.

That way they'll think that we've been dancing with lovely Diana all this time.

Please don't mention dancing in front of my feet.

Has the swelling gone down?

No, they're so puffed up I'll have to wear Ethel's shoes.

Well, you were lucky. You only danced with her. I tried to talk to her once.

You know, it's amazing how little I have in common with a 20 -year -old.

Who's Pat Boone?

At least you talked to her in English.

I had to spend a half an hour trying to understand her high school Spanish.

Buenos dias, senor.

Look, let's either go home or get me some more hot water.

All right, Fred, I guess we can't go home now.

Don't forget, let's stick to our story. Okay, okay.

Oh, here you are.

At two o 'clock in the morning. Where is she, the little hussy? I'll scratch

your eyes out. Oh, you just missed her.

Boy, can that girl dance.

Dance.

You should see the way she intermissions.

It's high time the two, three gigolos came home with your wives.

Come on, Fred, get your feet out of that bucket. Let's go. All right, all right.

Where are your socks?

In my shoes. Well, pick them up and we're going home. All right, all right.

Honest to goodness, carry it on. Easy now, will you?

Starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. Was brought to you by New Lilt.

The only home permanent with squeeze bottle magic.

The fastest, easiest home permanent ever.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.