Original subtitles

I saw you drive in. Hi.

How was the meeting?

Oh, it was all right.

Did you see Fred and little Ricky out there playing baseball with the

neighborhood kids? Yeah, I saw them.

Uh -oh, Fred struck out again.

He's so vain, he won't wear his glasses and he can't see the ball without them.

Well, what's new with the Westport Historical Society?

What's the matter, honey? Oh, Ethel, I've done something awful.

What is it this time?

Now, if you take that tone, I may not tell you. Good.

Come back here.

I have to tell someone.

Okay. What is it?

Well, our historical society is having its annual fundraising drive, and today

we were planning the show, and everyone was promising what their husbands would

do. Uh -oh.

Betty Ramsey said that her husband would get the advertising for the programs,

and Gertrude Foote said that her husband would print the programs, and Grace

Munson said that her husband would take care of the floral decorations, and...

Well... Out with it.

Well, everyone was volunteering their husbands, and I jumped up and said that

Ricky and his band would play for the show.

You volunteered Ricky?

Well, he's the only husband I've got.

Oh, Lucy.

How are you going to break this to him? Oh, I don't know.

This is a tough one.

Gee.

I could try buttering him up. That always works.

Sometimes.

Lucy, there is butter enough in the world to get Ricky to bring his band out

here to Westport to play for a show put on by a historical society.

You forget I'm a pretty good butter -upper.

When he gets home, I'll have a delicious dinner waiting for him. I'll put him

down on the divan. I'll give him the evening paper and his slippers. I'll get

him in a very good mood. How's that sound?

Great, as long as you don't tell him.

Oh, that's all.

Heavens.

Oh, the other kids threw him out of the ball game because he can't play as well

as they can.

Oh, the poor little thing.

Yeah, well, these country kids get more time to practice than the city kids. But

he'll learn. Oh, sure he will.

Oh, poor kid.

Now, now, Lucy, let him alone.

There are some things a man has just got to work out for himself.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Well, how'd you do, Babe Ruth?

Oh, they threw me out of the game, too.

You poor little thing.

Good luck with both your Rickys.

Well,

hi, darling.

Did you have a hard day?

How'd everything go at the club?

I'll bet that was a long, tiring ride home on the train, my honey.

You just sit down here and don't you worry about a thing, sweetheart.

You just sit there. Here's your evening paper.

And here are your bedroom slippers.

Thank you.

My, I sure missed you today.

I chose to.

I sure missed you today, dear. I wish you didn't have to go into New York

day, sweetheart. It would be nice if you could sort of stay around here with me

all the time. Oh, I'd sure love that.

Now, honey, you just lie down there in your comfy cozy, see?

And don't you worry about dinner.

Dinner will be ready in a little while.

is one of your favorites.

Smell that. What does it smell like?

It smells like you want me in the band for that show.

Oh.

We're adding chicken and rice and fried bananas.

How'd you find out?

Betty Ramsey, you stole me. Oh.

I forgot Betty Ramsey was going to drive you home from the station.

Well, that's one of the hazards of living in the suburbs.

Yeah, well.

Well, now that you know all about it, Ricky, will you? No.

And I spent two hours over a hot stove cooking chicken and rice.

Well, don't worry about that, honey. I'll eat it.

But, Ricky, just tell me why.

Because I love chicken and rice. Oh, I mean, why won't you play for the show?

Look, I'm not going to transport my whole band to Westport, Connecticut.

And besides, you know that we have to play at a club.

Well, maybe you could just give us a few of them. You know, like the piano and

the drums and the... I don't know what you call it.

The clavis and the maracas.

worthy cause, honey.

I know, dear, and I'd be very happy to give him some money. Oh, the money's not

important. It's the spirit of the thing.

It's a community project.

And we need your band to play if we want the entertainment good.

Well, honey, I'm sorry, but I cannot do it. And that's final.

But, uh, thanks for the paper and the flippers and the chicken and rice and

soft soap.

Where's Rick?

He's up in his room.

Hey, Pop!

I think maybe you better go up and have a talk with him. He's a little upset.

Oh, what's the matter? Well, the kids wouldn't let him play baseball with them

today. They said he wasn't good enough.

Oh, dear.

Well, I'll go up and have a little father and son talk with him.

And after dinner, you can have a little husband and wife talk with me.

This little husband is through talking.

Now, the issue is closed.

Well, if you won't bring...

play a pretty mean saxophone. Maybe some of your friends can play.

Organize your own band.

I promised them Ricky Ricardo.

All right, just go.

Maybe they won't notice.

Honey, I forgot to bring these eggs over this

morning. Thanks.

Look at the size of that one.

That's nothing compared to the one I just laid with Ricky.

What happened to your buttering up plan?

Well, Betty Ramsey spilled the whole thing before I even got my churn

Well, I hate to say I told you so, but I... Well, don't then.

I have to call the Historical Society and tell them Ricky can't make it.

Oh, um, that Betty Ramsey.

Big blabbermouth.

Hello, is this the Westport Historical Society?

Oh, this is Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.

Yes, I just called to say that...

Oh. Oh, really?

Oh, well, that's wonderful.

Yes. Yes, Eddie. Oh, that's wonderful.

Well, I just called to say that Ricky will be delighted to play.

What did you say that for? She said on the strength of Ricky Ricardo's

appearance, tickets are selling like hotcakes.

Oh, dear.

Wait till they hear the bad news. They'll have to change their name to the

Westport Hysterical Society.

Ethel, I promised them Ricky Ricardo and I'm gonna deliver Ricky Ricardo.

Huh?

Junior.

Little Ricky? Yeah, why not? They both play drums.

Yeah, that's right.

Oh, Lucy, I gotta hand it to you. You get caught in a jam and you're able to

produce another Ricky Ricardo.

And I always do.

having a spare.

So, you got a drummer. Where are you going to get the rest of the band?

I got the rest of the band.

Lucy Ricardo on saxophone, Ethel Mertz on the piano.

Who was that on the 88 again?

The Wizard of the Ivory, Ethel May Mertz.

Well, maybe so.

And I got, just to round out the rest of the quartet, I have Fred Mertz on the

violin. Does he still have his fiddle?

Yeah, but the last time he played it was three chins ago.

Don't worry.

I'm sure if he practices, he'll play just like he used to. Oh, well then,

whatever you do, don't let him practice.

Now, Ethel, it's going to be great.

Our little band is going to burst upon the music world.

We are going to be the new sound.

Right there, now. Be our audience. You tell us what you think.

What are you doing?

I'm limbering up my fingers.

Think what she'd have sounded like unlimbered.

Boy, I haven't had this thing out of the case in years.

Oh, I even forgot to take this off. How do you like that?

You ought to take that out in the backyard and beat it. Oh, I know.

Oh, Fred, Fred.

That cat sounded better when it was alive.

Oh, never mind the wisecracks.

There's something wrong.

Yeah, what is all that?

Confetti. The last time I played this thing was at a Roosevelt rally.

up, honey. Give me an A, Ethel. An A? Yeah.

Oh, an A.

Is that a black key or a white one?

Ethel plays by ear.

The trouble is we have to listen by ear.

How about a middle C? I know where that one is.

Well, thanks a lot, girl, but I got to have an A.

Oh, well, there's got to be one on here someplace, isn't there?

Let's see now.

go and find the A.

Let's hear your A, Yasha.

Sounds more like a Z.

Oh, is that so?

Oh, come on, you two, let's get started, huh? Yeah, what are we going to play?

Well, I only know that one tune, Coming Round the Mountain.

Oh, for heaven's sake, Ethel, don't you know Sweet Sue?

Oh, why?

Because that's the only tune I know.

I never learned Sweet Sue.

Well, you could. You play by ear. Come on, try Sweet Sue.

Well, I'll try it, but don't blame me if it sounds like Sweet Sue is coming

round the mountain.

speed it up. Let's try it again now.

Honey,

are you sure you're not playing too fast?

Yes, I am sure.

How would you like to go outside and play and let us practice for a while?

A one, a two, thank you. All right.

A one, a two.

Now, yeah, why don't you stretch out and take a nap? Good idea.

There you are.

Okay? Yeah, thank you.

Ricky? Hmm?

We had our first rehearsal today.

Mm -hmm.

Now, aren't you going to ask me how it went?

All right, how'd it go?

Don't ask.

Well, naturally, little Ricky was just wonderful on the drums. And I was pretty

good on the saxophone, if I do say so myself.

But Fred's violin and Ethel's piano.

Sheesh!

Pretty bad, huh?

Fred's violin sounds like he's breaking in a new pair of shoes.

And what Ethel does to those ivories is enough to make an elephant want to take

back his tusks.

So what do you want me to do?

Well, honey, we're having another rehearsal after dinner tonight, see? And

thought maybe you could tell them.

In a nice way, you know, what they're doing wrong.

All right, let's see what I can do. Will you do that, dear? Now you just take a

nice nap, and I'll let you know when dinner's ready. Thanks.

Ricky?

It's in the kitchen. What's the matter? Oh, well, uh, Rick, we had our first

rehearsal this afternoon, and I want to talk to you about our little group.

All right.

Well, of course, Ricky Jr.

was just wonderful on the drums, and I was pretty good on the piano, too.

But Lucy and Fred...

Pretty bad, huh?

Oh, yeah, it was bad.

Well, maybe they'll get better with practice.

Well, maybe, but you should have heard them.

Lucy playing the saxophone sounds like a wounded moose calling to its mate.

And Fred's violin?

Oh, I make better music when I file my nails.

Rick, we're going to have another rehearsal tonight, and I thought maybe

might just stick around and straighten them out, huh?

All right, I'll see what I can do. You will?

Oh, bless you, Rick.

Thank you. You're welcome.

She's in the kitchen.

I'm in trouble.

What's the matter, Fred?

Rick, could I talk to you as one professional musician to another?

Well, we had that rehearsal this afternoon.

Oh, is that so?

Yeah. Well, how did it go, Fred?

Little Ricky and I were okay.

But the women.

The way Ethel hits those piano keys.

I wouldn't blame them if they hit her back.

And Lucy with that saxophone.

It's a wonder every hog in Westport didn't answer the call.

Well, now, look, Fred, you're going to have another rehearsal after dinner, is

that right? Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll see if I can tell the girls in a nice

what they're doing wrong.

You took the words right out of my mouth. See you later. Bye.

Bye -bye. Bye.

Sure, what is it?

Our band.

Your band?

Well, how did the rehearsal go?

You mean that Uncle Fred and Aunt Ethel and Mommy are

pretty bad, huh?

Boy, I'll say.

Well, maybe they're not as bad as you think.

Oh, yes, they are.

Well, maybe they'll get better with a little practice.

I don't want to play with them anymore.

You don't want to play with them anymore?

Well, now, wait a minute. That's not very nice.

You remember what happened to you yesterday when you were playing baseball

those kids and they didn't want you to play with them anymore?

But I play baseball better than they play music.

That's not the point, though.

You know, when we had our little talk, we agreed that it wasn't nice to be

unkind to people.

Right?

Yes, Daddy.

So we can't just tell them that they don't play well, can we?

No, Daddy.

Now, the thing to do is to teach them to play better.

So tonight after dinner, you're going to have a rehearsal, and I'll stick

around, and I'll see what I can do, okay?

Okay, Daddy. Okay.

From the top. Okay. Now, please, everybody, will you try to remember what

you that you were doing wrong? Oh, sure, sure, sure.

One more time. It's a nice, simple tune. It should be bright and happy and

relaxed. Ta -da, ta -da.

Any further, there is something that I have to say. Oh, well, just say it,

Go ahead, honey.

Go ahead.

Well, you know, little Rick is fine on the drums. Oh, yeah.

But some of the rest of you need a little work.

Yeah, some of us are pretty bad.

Yeah, some of us are. Yeah, some of us.

Well, to tell you the truth, you know... Go ahead, Rick. Be frank.

Sure, just speak right out. Sure, they can take it. I mean, we can take it.

Well, the situation is, you know, that you play fine, you play good, you know.

As a matter of fact, you play too good.

Well, it's that you're so far ahead of your time.

The public is not ready for your type of music.

Take my word for it as a musician. They are not ready.

Well, it's too bad because the show is tomorrow night. Yeah.

What are we going to do?

Yeah, well, you know, honey, I realize that, you know, it's such an emergency.

And boys, it's an emergency.

Well, I thought maybe I can get away from the club for an hour and bring a

couple of the boys down.

I'll do a calypso number. A calypso. That would be wonderful. From my album,

know. Oh, that's wonderful. Well, if you're just going to bring a couple of

boys, then you'll need some of us, some of us that aren't.

Too bad, you know. Oh, sure, sure.

You said we were pretty good.

I did, didn't I?

Yeah. I did that, and I meant it.

And by God, I think that you should be in it.

Oh. Yes, sir, and I want you in it. Oh, I'm good.

I tell you, right in that rhythm section, that's where you'll be. The

section? Yeah.

What do we do?

Oh, well, you...

I'll tell you what. Little Ricky can play the bongos, and Fred can play the

quijada, and Ethel can play the cencerros, and you can play the cuica.

that's wonderful. What are we going to play?

The quijada, the cuica, and the cencerros. Oh, is that good? Good. Oh,

that's the most important part. The cuica is the most important part of the

calypso. I play the cuica. Oh, yeah.

The women got the men which they should know.

Samson was the strongest man long ago.

No one could have beaten him as we all know.

He crashed with Delilah before he knew what.

Samson had the world's very first crew cut.

Not me.

They say that the men are leading the women astray. But I say that the

women of today are smarter than the men in every way. That's right.

The woman is smarter.

That's right. The woman is smarter.

That's right. The woman is smarter.

That's right.

That's right.

Wait, wait.

Your wife announces that you and she are expecting an addition to the family.

You sing and dance and yell hurrah, but she's only expecting your mother -in

-law. Not me.

Other people, they say that the men are leading the women astray. For I say that

the women of today are smarter than the men in every way. That's right, the

woman is smarter.

That's right, the woman is smarter.

That's right, the woman is...

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.