All language subtitles for i_love_lucy_s06e03_lucy_meets_orson_welles

Come on, honey. Oh, boy, it sure was
freezing out, wasn't it?

It's nice and warm in here, I'm glad.

Mommy! What?

Why do we... have to come in? Because
you were cold, honey.

No, I wasn't. Yes, you were now.

It's real cold out. Hi, honey.

Did you have fun in the park? Yeah, but
it was so cold.

There you are, baby.

I'm so cold. Here, here's your apple,
honey. Go play with your train now. So

long. Oh, F.

I'm just frozen.

Honestly, there's only one way I'm ever
going to be able to stand this New York

winter. How? Spend it in Florida.

Well, winter is officially here.

We've had our first cold wave, Fred's
put on his red flannels, and you've

started your annual Let's Send Lucy to
Florida campaign.

Well, I don't see any reason why we
couldn't spend just a few weeks in

Don't talk... to me. Talk to Ricky. I'm
going to, but it won't do any good.

He'll have a million excuses.

It's too far, it's too expensive, and he
can't get away.

Those are three of the worst excuses
I've ever heard in my whole life. It's

ridiculous leaving us up here in this
miserable weather when we could be down

south enjoying the sunshine.

But does he ever think of us? No, he
just thinks of himself.

Hi.

Hi, honey.

Don't honey me, you selfish beast.

it's time to play that well -known
parlor game, Kick the Cuban.

Good luck, amigo.

What's the matter with everybody?

Why can't we go to Florida?

Well, first of all, there's a lot... Who
said anything about Florida?

I did, but we can't go because it's too
far, it's too expensive, and you can't

get away.

I didn't say a word.

Well, can we go?

No.

Why not?

Because it's too far, it's too
expensive, and I can't get away.

Everybody goes to Florida for the
winter. Even the birds go south.

All right, I'll make you a deal.

If you can get there the same way the
birds do, you can go.

Now, Ricky, listen. Look, Florida is out
of the question, so don't nag me.

Coming,

dear. Don't go away. I got a lot of nag
I haven't even used yet.

And this is Paul.

Oh, yeah. Hi, Paul.

Say, I got great news for you. I just
spoke to Orson Welles' agent.

He's all set to do the benefit.

Hey, I'll meet you here this afternoon
for rehearsal.

Oh, that's just wonderful.

Listen, is he going to do the same act
that he did in Las Vegas?

Yeah, some Shakespeare and, of course,
his magic routine.

Oh, that is just great. What time am I
supposed to meet him?

Four here at the club.

He's tied up autographing record albums
at some department store until then.

Okay, I'll be there.

Oh, by the way, Orson needs an assistant
for his magic axe, so I suggested Lucy

to him.

You did?

Yes. You are fired!

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. You
don't have to blow your top. It's only a

benefit. Look, whenever Lucy gets into
the act, nobody benefits.

I'm sorry. I'll get out of it. Yeah,
well, tell him that she's going out of

town. Oh, is she? She is now. She's
going to Florida.

Oh, well, okay, I'll tell him. Okay,
I'll see you later.

And another thing. You've always wanted
little Ricky to know how to swim. If we

went to Florida, he could take swimming
lessons.

I agree with you. Yeah, that's right.
Don't listen to reason. Just be pig

-headed and stubborn and keep us here
all. What did you say?

I said that you were absolutely right.

Oh, honey.

Little Ricky and you should go to
Florida. Do you really mean... Of course

I have been a selfish beast. Oh, no, you
haven't, honey.

Oh, honey,

you're the best husband in the whole
world. Oh, thank you. You and little

can leave right away.

I'll come down as soon as I can. Okay,
honey. Guess what? Guess what? Ricky's

sending me and the baby to Florida.

Wonderful. Isn't that great? I'm going
to tell the baby, honey.

this cold weather myself.

Well, you won't have to worry about the
cold, honeybirds.

I won't? Nope.

Tomorrow I'll run out and buy you a
brand new hot water bottle.

Ricky?

Yes, dear?

If I'm going to Florida, I'm going to
have to buy a lot of new clothes.

You're right.

happened to him? I don't know, but let's
get to the store before he snaps out of

it.

Well,

I promised little Ricky I'd get him a
beach ball. Oh, they ought to have one

here. See, those are volleyballs.

Oh, Ethel, look at this.

What is that?

Skin diving equipment.

Oh, just what you need.

You're right. I'm going to Florida. I'm
going to... skin dive. Now, Lucy, don't

you get into enough trouble on dry land.

May I help you? Yes, I'd like to see
some of the skin diving equipment.

You know, I'd kind of like to try some
of it on and see how it works. Oh, well,

this is our complete skin diving kit.
Just step this way, please. Skin diving

kit?

I'll wait out here. All right, honey.

Okay, thank you.

Oh, don't just follow me.

Right in front of the department here.

Now, if you select your records here,
you'll be here any moment. Oh, pardon

sir, but... Why is this crowd gathering?

Oh, they're waiting for Mr. Orson
Welles.

Orson Welles! Yes, he's going to
autograph his new Shakespearean album.

He'll be here any moment. He'll be here?
Right here?

In just a little while. Here he comes.

18 years ago. What kept you?

I'm sorry. Oh, here. Let me help you.

I'm sorry, but you see, I'm going to
Florida.

Underwater all the way, I presume.

No, no, of course not.

Mr. Wells, Mr. Wells, I've seen
everything you've ever done.

In movies, on the stage, in television.
I think you're just marvelous. Me too.

Just marvelous. Me too. I think so too.

Mr. Wells, you won't believe this, but I
played Shakespeare in high school.

I believe it.

lead in Romeo and Juliet in the senior
play. Did I ever tell you that?

32 times.

Oh, oh, uh, Mr. Wells, Mr. Wells, my
dramatic teacher said that I was the

Juliet she'd ever seen, and she said
that she wouldn't be a bit surprised if

ended up as a star on the Broadway
stage.

You took 16 curtain calls.

There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

You were in the audience.

Alas, no.

How did you know?

Oh, every girl I ever meet has played
poor Juliet to an audience that's

practically awash with overactive tear
ducts.

But I really was, and they really were.

If you don't believe me, ask Miss
Hannah.

Who's Miss Hannah?

Who's Miss Hannah?

Just the greatest dramatic teacher
Jamestown High School ever had, that's

Oh, I see. How many albums would you
like? Well, I'd like one. Just autograph

to Ethel Mertz, please.

I'd take two, only we haven't got a
phonograph.

I'll take one, and please autograph it
to that great Shakespearean actress,

Ricardo.

Lucy Ricardo?

Where have I heard that name before?

Romeo and Juliet, Jamestown High School.

You're Ricky Ricardo's wife.

Oh, you know him?

Well, of course I'm doing that charity
benefit at his nightclub.

You are?

Well, yes, and I'm terribly sorry you
couldn't take me up on my offer.

Offer? What offer?

Well, I wanted you to help me out in the
act, but Ricky said you were going to

Florida. Oh, he did, did he? Yeah. How
do you like that?

How do you like that?

That conniving Cuban.

No wonder he was so nice to you. He just
wanted to get you out of town until Mr.

Wells blew over. How about that?

Mr. Wells.

Well, you're going to Florida. Oh, I'll
change my mind. I'd love to do the show

for you. Can I have the job, Mr. Wells?
Can I? Can I? Can I?

Mrs. Ricardo, please, take your flippers
off me.

Well, I'm sure you can handle it very
nicely. If you'll just come over to your

husband's nightclub this afternoon, we
can rehearse. I'll be there, sir.

I'll be there. Did you hear that? I got
the job. I got the job. I'm going to do

Shakespeare with him. Goodbye, Mr.
Wells.

Farewell. Farewell.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

So we'll just charge these albums and
send them out tomorrow.

Yes, that's right, operator.

Jamestown, New York, 4755.

Please.

Hello? Miss Hannah?

Yes? Miss Hannah, this is Lucy Ricardo.

Who? Lucy Ricardo.

Lucy McGillicuddy. Who?

Juliet.

Juliet McGillicuddy?

No, Miss Hannah.

I played Juliet.

Herman Schlupp was Romeo.

Herman Schlupp. Now, let me see.

Herman was so short, we had to lower the
balcony two feet.

Oh, of course. Lucy McGillicuddy. Well,
how are you, little Lucy?

I'm fine, Miss Hannah.

Guess what? I'm going to do Shakespeare
with Orson Welles. Well, what class was

he in, dear?

No, Miss Hannah, the famous Orson
Welles.

That one? Oh, how exciting.

Yes, isn't it?

We're appearing at my husband's
nightclub this Friday night here in New

and I thought maybe you could come up
and watch me perform.

Friday? Yes.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear, but it's the drama
class's opening night of a cane mutiny

court -martial. One of the boys is sick,
and I may have to play Captain Queeg.

Oh, well, I'm sorry, Miss Hannah.

Well, may I send you the notices?

Oh, would you, my dear? Thank you so
much.

And good luck, Lucy. And remember,
project play to the balcony.

Oh, I will, Miss Hannah.

Goodbye. I mean, goodbye.

No, not yet.

I thought I heard someone say an aye
-aye -aye.

That was me. I'm practicing playing to
the balcony.

Oh.

I heard all that yelling, and I thought
you two were having a fight.

Well, stick around, girl.

I'm going to tell him just what I think
of his little scheme of shipping me out

of town.

Hi, honey. Hi. Hi, Ethel.

Well, did you find some nice clothes for
Florida?

Yes, I found a lot of cute things at
Macy's. Good.

After all, I want my wife to be well
-dressed.

Guess what else I found at Macy's? What?

Orson Welles.

And we had a very interesting little
chat.

Bye.

Where do you think you're going?

From the look in your eyes, back to
Cuba.

You'll come right back here.

What a cheap chiseling trick trying to
bundle me off to Florida just to keep me

from playing Shakespeare with Orson
Welles. What are you talking about

Shakespeare?

All he wanted you to do was help in his
magician act.

He did not want me to help in his
magician act.

He did, too. He just wanted you to hand
him things while he performs. I don't

believe you.

It is true.

As a matter of fact, that's why I turned
him down. I was only thinking of you.

How do you figure?

Well, it was such a nothing part that I
wanted to...

Save you the embarrassment of having to
turn him down.

Now you understand?

Well, when you put it that way, yes, I
understand.

Ah, now I knew you would.

Thank you for protecting me. I will
always do that.

I'll talk to you when I come back from
the club.

All right. I'll just stop by to pick my
briefcase. Okay. Hey, goodbye.

Goodbye, Rick.

Goodbye, dear.

Goodbye.

What a sweetheart.

What a phony.

What do you mean?

You didn't believe all that hokum, did
you? That's just another one of his

tricks.

Lucy, are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure. Would he send me all the
way to Florida just to keep me from

handing Orson Welles a hat full of
rabbits?

No.

What a phony.

It's Shakespeare, all right.

Ethel, will you cue me? I want to go
over my lines again.

Sure, I will.

Gee, I just want to be letter perfect
when I go to rehearsal.

Who knows? With Orson Welles playing
opposite me, I might even top my

performance at Jamestown High School.

Listen,

I like some of these pictures. They're
very good. This is good.

I don't like this one. It's too much
teeth.

All right. Put all those rabbits in the
cloakroom and I'll be... Hi, Orson.

Hello, Rick.

Glad to see you. Thank you.

Listen, it's just wonderful of you to do
this benefit for us. Oh, it's my

pleasure. You know, I saw your act in
Las Vegas and I thought... Really? Yes,

great. Thanks.

Incidentally, Lucy wouldn't be able to
be your assistant after all.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I saw her in Macy's and she told me that
she'd love to do it. Yeah, I know, but

you changed your mind.

Will you sit down? I'll get you some
coffee. Sure, sure.

I guess you'll just have to find
somebody else to sew in half.

I don't saw anybody in half anymore. I
do the levitation trick.

The what?

The levitation.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, she can do that, whatever it is.

Well, that's where I raise somebody off
the ground, you know. Uh -huh.

Well, Lucy's two feet off the ground
always anyway, but she can't do it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Better safe than sorry. Why?

Well... It just seems that every time
that Lucy gets close to famous people,

something happens to them. You mean she
really did all those things in Europe

and Hollywood?

Every one of them.

They call me a character.

Well, I could tell you stories about
this girl that you wouldn't believe.

Like one time... Oh, Ronnie!

A Capulet.

What do you think, Mr. Wells?

Well, that had its moments.

There was a certain indefinable
something about it. What about it,

Lucy, I thought I told you that Mr.

Wells wanted you for his assistant in
his magic act.

You don't think I fell for that, do you?

No, but it's true. I really do.

Oh, Mr. Wells, I promised my dramatic
teacher that I was going to do

with you. I even promised I'd send her
the notices.

Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

Lucy, can't you see that Mr. Wells does
not want to do Shakespeare with you? You

keep out of this.

Mr. Wells, won't you at least read a
scene with me? It's been my lifelong

ambition to do Shakespeare with you, Mr.
Wells. Lucy. I think you're the

greatest Shakespearean actor in the
whole world. I think you're better than

Gielgud. I think you're better than
Maurice Evans.

I think you're better than...

than Sir Ralph Richardson.

You left out Lawrence Olivier.

Well, I think you're better than he is,
too. You really think so? Yes, I do, Mr.

Wells, I really do. Please do
Shakespeare with me. Just read a scene

so that I can tell my grandchildren
about it someday.

Please, Mr. Wells, what man art thou
that dost be screened at night so

on my counsel?

Lucy, can you say that Mr.

Wells does not want to do Shakespeare
with you?

You keep out of this.

I know not how to tell you how I am.

My name is hateful to myself.

Had I it written, I would tear the word.

Had I it written, I would tear the word.
That's the cue.

Had I it written, I would... I know, I
guess I'm a little nervous at last

playing with the great Orson Welles. Oh,
why don't we do my favorite scene?

What's that? For fear of that, I still
will stay with you never from this

of dim night.

Depart again.

Oh, that one? Well, I'm already dead in
that scene.

Yes.

Here, here will I set up my everlasting
rest. Mr. Wells, you just have a

soliloquy in that one. And shake the
yoke of inauspicious stars from this

-wearied flesh.

Eyes, look your last.

Arms,

take your last embrace.

And lips, so you the doors of breath
seal with a righteous kiss.

A dateless bargain to engrossing death.

Come bitter conduct.

Come unsavory guide.

Thou desperate pilot.

Run at once thy seasick weary bark.

Here's to my love.

O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick.

Thus, with a kiss, I die.

Boy, you're sure a lot better than
Herman Schlupp.

Thank you.

You're just wonderful. Mr. Wells, are
you sure you won't change your mind and

let me do just a little Shakespeare in
your act? Well, you see, the way the act

is built... You know, I'm a lot better
when I'm not nervous, Mr. Wells.

The way it's arranged, we just do the
soliloquies, you understand? But my

still stands for you to do the assistant
in the magic act.

Well, I don't know.

Take it or leave it. I'll take it. All
right. Come on. Let me show you. Oh,

honey, aren't you excited? This is going
to be your big night.

Yeah, what a comedown from a
Shakespearean actress to a magician

What are you complaining about? I turned
out to be the stooge's hairdresser.

Come in.

Miss Hannah.

Lucy McGillicuddy. Oh, Miss Hannah, what
a surprise.

Oh, this is Miss Hannah, my high school
dramatic teacher. Miss Hannah, Mrs.

Merck. Oh, I'm so happy.

Lucy's told me all about you, Miss
Hannah. Oh, she has. Oh, little Lucy.

Miss Hannah, won't you sit down?

Miss Hannah, what happened to Kane
Mutiny Court Martial? Well, we postponed

until Captain Quig gets over the chicken
pox.

Well, Miss Hannah... So I brought the
rest of the cast with me. You did?

Oh, imagine you in Orson Welles. Oh, I'm
sure it'll be an evening of sheer

magic. Say that again.

Miss Hannah, about this evening... My
dear, I've been teaching drama for 25

years, and this is the proudest night of
my life.

It is? Oh, just to hear you do that
balcony scene with Orson Welles.

will make my entire teaching career
worthwhile.

Miss Hannah, I have something to tell
you. I... Yes?

Juliet?

I'll see you after the show, Miss
Hannah. All right, my dear. And remember

I told you. Project... Yes.

...tappingly on the tongue.

Lucy, you should have told her. She's in
for an awful letdown.

No, she isn't.

What do you mean by that? I am not going
to disappoint Miss Hannah.

Somehow, someway, I'm going to do
Shakespeare.

Enough of Shakespeare.

We'll try to entertain you now with a
few feats of magic, legerdemain, hanky

-panky inside arm snookery.

From the mysterious east.

The inscrutable.

The inimitable.

The mysterious.

Princess Lucy.

Thank you.

Not to make the slightest sound.

The princess is in a state of trance.

Romeo, Romeo.

Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Bravo!

Apparently the princess is not

in a deep enough condition of trance.

Now the princess will feel nothing and

definitely speak nothing.

Oh, Romeo, Romeo.

Now it just happens that I have a pack
of playing cards in my hand.

Or if thou wilt not.

Perhaps I will.

Romeo, get me down from here.

I love Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz.
Has been presented for your pleasure by

Instant Sanka.

The hearty coffee you can drink as
strong as you like. It still can't upset

nerves.

The role of Miss Hannah was played by
Ellen Corby.

Orson Welles portrayed himself.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back
next week at this same time.