Original subtitles

Thank you.

What do we say when someone gives us something?

You know, Ricky, you remember what Daddy always said when somebody gives him

something? Process!

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Don't do that at the table, dear.

Do that again, son.

Ricky! Just a minute.

Listen to that beat.

What? It's a wonderful beat. Listen to the rhythm.

Hey!

Looks like he's going to be a drummer.

Well, he certainly is not. That's the last thing in the world I want him to

What's so bad with being a drummer?

It's just not good enough for a son of mine.

Well, he's good enough for a husband of yours. Well, that's different.

How is it different?

He's my flesh and blood. You're just a close relative.

Well, what do you want him to be?

Well, I don't know. I'd like to see him...

Wouldn't you like to go in your room and play, darling?

Okay, Mommy. All right, sweetheart. Take your toast with you. Let me wipe off

your mouth a little bit.

There you are. Run along.

I'd like to see him get into a dignified profession.

I'd like to see him be a doctor.

A doctor? Mm -hmm.

Well, that's fine, honey.

Being a doctor is great, but I just thought that he should be a drummer

he's short of ability.

You heard him.

That's natural talent. Oh, natural talent, my foot. He's trying to get the

oatmeal off his spoon.

He was not.

He was too.

I don't care. I think he should be a doctor.

Well, I think he should be a drummer.

A doctor.

A drummer.

Doctor. Drummer. Drummer.

Doctor. Ah, fine, you agree. He's going to be a doctor.

You tricked me. I did not.

He's going to be a doctor and that's that. Well, that is not that at all.

it is now, Ricky, just because I want... No, I'm fine. I don't want... We'll

just see. Oh, dear,

they're having a fight.

We'll see you later.

They're not having a fight. Come on back here. It's just that I write and he's

too stubborn to admit it. It's not bad at all.

No, just because you want the kid to be a doctor...

Would you stop not fighting for just a minute?

Lucy, I came over to see if I could borrow your black fox stole to wear at

theater Saturday night. Sure, honey. It's in the living room closet. Oh,

you.

Oh, Fred, I got the theater tickets.

Oh. Here's your pair.

Oh, thank you, Rick. It was mighty nice of you to invite us. That's all right.

What's the matter with you?

For a minute, I thought you were being strangled by a giant caterpillar.

Oh. Lucy, this is a beautiful stove. Thank you. Come on, Fred.

You can go back to not fighting now. We weren't fighting. We were just trying to

decide what little Ricky should be when he grows up.

Hey, why don't we ask them? After all, they're his godparents.

All right. What do you think he should be?

A wealthy, distinguished doctor or a crummy, out -of -work drummer?

Well, thanks for putting it so impartially.

Oh, that's all right.

Uh, why don't you let him decide for himself?

Yeah. Who never thought of that?

What about it?

We'll let him decide for himself.

Okay.

And neither one of us will try to influence him.

No, neither one of us will try to influence him. We will let him decide

himself. Yeah, we'll let him decide for himself. All right.

Hey, Fred, did they deliver a package here for me? Yeah, I was just going to

take it over to your apartment.

Oh, well, I don't want you to do that.

I want you to keep it here for a while. But what are you doing, surprising Lucy

with a new hat?

Well, uh, it's not exactly a new hat, no. It's a sort of a drum.

How can it be a sort of a drum?

It's either a drum or it isn't.

Well, it is. That's what it is. It's a drum, all right.

Now, Fred, I know what you're thinking.

But look at it this way.

I just want to have it there in case the child decides that he wants to play the

drum someday. That's all, just to be prepared, you know.

Well, you should have heard or seen the other day at the breakfast table. He got

the thing and he go, ding, ding, top.

Oh, the boy has a tremendous amount of talent, really.

Stop hamming and hawing. I'm not Lucy.

Well, then, will you keep it here until the time is ripe? Sure, I'll keep it.

Thanks a lot.

playing doctor, huh?

Little Ricky, you better get out of that outfit, dear. You know, we want to

surprise Daddy, and he's going to be home any... Oh, dear.

Yes, oh, dear.

I thought we weren't going to try to influence him.

I thought we were going to let him decide for himself.

Yes, now, we did say that, and he did decide for himself.

This afternoon, we just happened to be in a toy store, and he took me by the

hand and dragged me over to the counter and pointed to the little doctor's kit.

He dragged you.

Daddy,

are you sick?

Yes, everything's fine, yeah.

They got your tongue in there.

There, you see, the natural -born doctor.

Come on.

Now,

Ricky. Of all the law tricks influencing behind my back.

Oh, shame.

Well, he will make a good doctor. Ricky. This package is for you, but it came

over... Give me that package.

What is it? Let me see it. Nothing there. Well, what is it? Nothing at all.

it something for me? For me? I guess I'll throw it to me, honey. Is it for

Is it?

Well, it was supposed to be a surprise there. Oh, really?

Believe in doing my Easter shopping early, you know that.

Hat from Shermer's Music Company?

Oh -ho!

From Shermer's Music Company, huh?

Well,

well, well. Oh, has a very good tone for a hat.

Yes, very well now.

I'm just going to be the grandest lady in the Easter parade.

anybody must have taken the... Uh -oh.

Well... Leave it to you, Miss United Parcel. I don't know.

Come on, let's get out of the combat zone.

Well, I guess the shame is on the other foot. Well, you did it too.

I don't care. This drum goes back first thing in the morning. All right. So does

that junior Dr.

Kildare kid.

Okay, scratch.

Okay. All right. All right, sir.

Honey, honey, let me take that now, darling. He has to go back to the store

the morning. No, Mommy.

Now, come on, give it to Mother. Come on. I'm going to play the drums. Oh,

honey, wouldn't you rather play with your little doctor's kit?

a pretty good beat.

Wow,

what are you doing up so early?

Well, little Ricky has a great beat, but he's not too good for sleeping.

No. What time is it?

7 .30.

7 .30?

Yeah, yeah. You must be a sound sleeper. He's been playing for the last hour.

He's been playing for the last four days.

Did I ask him to stop, honey? No, no, no, no, no. If he wants to play, we

let him play.

Yeah, that's the way I feel about it.

I said, oh, we don't want to inhibit him.

What?

We don't want to inhibit.

Let me get you some breakfast, honey.

but your ears get hotter than blazes.

Oh, we gotta do something about this. You bet your boots we do.

Let's go over there and ask them if they'd mind restricting little Ricky's

playing for just an hour or two a day.

An hour or two? How about a minute or two?

Now, Fred, none of that, none of that. If we go over there, you gotta be

what you say.

Parents get awful touchy when you're talking about their children.

I'm sure that if we're nice, and diplomatic.

They'll be reasonable.

Let's go.

You know something?

Maybe he should be a doctor when he grows up.

I just can't stand it anymore. Neither can I. He's just going to have to cut

down on his practicing, that's all. Okay.

Hi, fellas. Oh, hi.

Listen, I'm awfully sorry about the noise.

Noise? What noise?

Little Ricky's drumming.

Oh, that.

Well, we never noticed it, right, Ethel? Right.

My, he certainly loves to play.

My, we certainly love to listen.

He has such a nice, steady beat.

Yeah, steady.

We're glad it didn't bother you.

Yeah, me too.

Bother us? Oh, don't be silly.

Well, now that you brought it up, we thought it might not be a bad idea if

cut down a little.

Just a bit.

Just to give his little hands a rest.

Yeah, we're only thinking of the child.

Well, we were thinking of asking him to just... What's that?

He stopped.

What a relief. I thought he'd never quit.

What did you say?

Oh, nothing.

He's just amazed at the child's stamina.

He didn't think anybody could keep up that racket for four whole days.

That is not a very nice word to use about my son's playing.

We were under the impression that it was rhythm and music.

Well, rhythm it might be. Music it ain't.

How would you know? You got a thin ear.

Is that so?

Yeah, that's so. Why don't you go ahead and say it? Go ahead. Come right out and

say it. Say you can't stand Little Ricky's drumming. All right.

We can't stand Little Ricky's drumming.

How dare you say a thing like that? Because it's true.

Oh. Come on, Fred, let's get out of here before that pounding starts again.

Oh, what's the use? It's just the same over in our place.

Well, don't blame that on little Ricky. Blame it on your cheap, thin walls.

Yeah. As the owner of these cheap, thin walls, I might have you evicted for

disturbing the peace.

You wouldn't. Oh, wouldn't we?

How'd you go unless you put a muffler on that baby bongo beater?

Just a minute.

Just a cotton -picking minute.

anybody. I got a piece of paper here.

Two years ago, we wanted to move. You were so crazy about us as tenants that

gave us a 99 -year lease.

Yeah. That means for 97 more years, little Ricky can play the drum. Yeah.

Go ahead and play, son.

Oh, Fred, let's get out of this boiler factory.

Well, first...

I'm friends.

How did we ever choose them to be our son's guts? I don't know.

Maybe we can turn them in and get two new ones.

Shit.

Here are your theater tickets.

I'm afraid we've made other plans.

And here is your moth -eaten furs.

Moth -eaten? I've trapped better looking things than that.

Watch on that lease.

Landlords have a way of getting rid of undesirable tenants.

You said it. Yeah, what'd we say?

It's very hard to translate, but take my word for it, it fits.

Good.

Yes, Mrs. Trumbull, we're leaving for the theater at 7 .30.

Well, the baby's already had his dinner, so if you just... You just come up any

time you want.

Okay? Okay, dear.

All right.

Oh, hi.

How did everything go today?

Fine, fine.

Uh, Mr. Merz didn't pull any monkey business. Haven't even seen him. I knew

was just bluffing.

Well, if we're going to go to the theater, I better go get cleaned up. All

right, honey. Dinner's almost ready. I have a delicious roast chicken in the

oven. Good.

I'll just take a quick shave and a shower. All right, hurry up, huh? Right.

Honey?

What? Something is wrong with the electricity. My shaver isn't working.

Something's wrong with the gas. My chicken isn't working either.

What happened? I don't know. It's been in for two hours.

Funny, the gas and electricity would go on the fritz at the same time.

Oh, no.

What? I'll bet this is the work of Freddy the Fritzer.

Oh, he won't go that far.

Well, we'll just see.

We'll just call the gentleman and find out.

Hello? Mr. Merck, this is your tenant, Mrs. Ricardo.

The gas and electricity are off. Now, I know you're mean and sneaky, but you

wouldn't stoop that low, now would you?

Is that mean and sneaky?

I'm going to go over there and punch him right in the nose. No, now, honey,

that's just what he wants you to do. He wants to pick a fight so he can ask us

to leave.

Well, what are we going to do?

Now, wait a minute.

The first thing in the morning, I'll call the Board of Health and report him.

That'll fix him. Yeah, that's a good idea.

How do you like that gun? Listen, we'll grab a bite to eat downtown.

All right, dear. What am I going to do about shaving? Oh, you don't need to

shave. You look wonderful.

I'll just take a quick shower. Okay.

How do you ever forget that?

Hey, honey, I just thought of something.

What are we going to do when Mrs. Trumbull comes over tonight?

She can't sit here in the dark all night long.

Honey, there's an emergency valve in the back porch. Go turn it back on. Honey,

I can't. I can't see.

I can't open my eyes. I'll get soap in them.

Oh, all right. I'll go get it. I'm sorry, dear. All right. I'll get it.

Oh. Oh.

Hurry up, honey.

Oh.

Oh. Yes.

Oh, hurry up, honey.

Yes. I'm getting soap in my eyes.

and we've only begun to fight. You got an idea?

Follow me.

Okay.

Right here.

Here, you take this.

What are we going to do?

They want to be nasty, we'll give them something to be nasty about.

Oh, a little drum concert, eh? Yes, we're going to play a little well -known

Latin American tune called Nerds to the Mertz Mambo.

Let them hear it, boy.

Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.

They're probably having dinner. Let's... Play the serenade from the kitchen. Oh,

that's a good idea, yeah.

That way they won't miss a single glorious beat.

What are you doing? Just a little added sound effects.

I'll have to use that telephone to call the hospital.

Come on, what happened? Where's the baby?

I came up to sit with him. He's not in his room. Are you sure? He's not in his

room. Did you look every place?

Did you look in all the closets?

Oh, the baby. Little Ricky.

Oh, little Ricky. No, he isn't in there.

No. Well, he isn't in there. The door was open when I came in. The door was

open. He might be outside.

I'll go get him. I'll get my coat.

Operator!

Operator!

Operator! The police!

Give me the police!

Lucy, where do you suppose he went? How do I know? He's wandering around

outside. Wait, wait, wait. Easy, everybody.

Everything is all right. Did you find him?

Follow me. Never mind, operator.

Poor little thing, he couldn't stand all that noise.

The next time we fight, we'll fight more quietly.

We're not going to have any more fights, Ethel. It was all our fault.

No, no, Fred, it was our fault.

We promise you from now on he won't play the drums so much.

You let him play the drums as much as he wants to.

You can do half of his practicing right here in our place.

Fred.

What's the matter, Ethel?

We're only going to be here for 97 years.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.