Original subtitles

And now, I Love Lucy.

Oh, Ricky, can you believe it? We're in London. How about it, huh? It just

doesn't seem real, actually, seeing all those places.

Piccadilly, London Bridge, Westminster Abbey.

Isn't it exciting?

Oh, and look at this lovely room. Isn't this nice? Oh, honey, we have a balcony.

Ah, yeah. Will that be all, sir? Yes, thank you. Pardon me, but could you tell

me where Buckingham Palace is from here?

Yes, ma 'am.

It's right over that way. Oh, Ricky, we can see it from here. Yeah.

Isn't it beautiful?

Wonderful. Oh, gee, I'm just dying to see the queen.

Oh, have you ever seen the queen?

No, ma 'am, but I came frightful close during the coronation. I just missed

Ah, what a shame.

But I did catch a glimpse of him.

Philip? No, ma 'am.

Danny Kaye.

I say, old bean, ain't this the nuts?

What a city this is.

How's your room? It's great, just like this. Same view and everything.

One thing stumped him, though.

What was that? He didn't know how much to tip the bellhop.

I didn't know whether to give him tuppence or threppence.

Right, threppence is only about three cents.

Well, he solved it rather neatly.

What'd he give him?

Nuppence.

excuse in the USA.

Fred is now the darling of the bellhops on two different continents.

Well, whether I tip him or not, remember, they'll always be in England.

but it won't always have us in it. Come on, we've got a million sights to see.

Let's go to Buckingham Palace first and see the queen.

Honey, it's only ten o 'clock. Queens don't get up this early.

How would you know?

Oh, well, let's just go by the palace and look, you know, see if the shades

down. Yeah, and if the milk is in the front porch, don't ring the bell.

unless you and I go to the theater, huh? Right -o. Oh, honey, aren't you going

to go with us?

No, I've got to go to the Palladium. I'll go get my coat. I'll go get my

too. Hey, maybe we can do some shopping. Okay, I want to get some souvenirs.

Souvenirs, okay. Hey, if I'm going to go shopping, I need some money.

All right, but no funny stuff now.

What do you mean?

Well, back in Hollywood, you came home with John Wayne's footprints.

I don't want to find Big Ben sticking right next to my bed.

Here.

What's this?

That's 10 pounds, English money.

English money?

Yeah. How much is this in our money?

Well, a pound is 280, so that's $28.

28? Well, thank you.

Hey, what if I want to buy something that's less than $28?

You could change, just like they do in America.

Well, I don't know what kind of change I should be getting.

Well, here it is. Write this with the book.

Now, you know how much a pound is?

Sure, 16 ounces.

$2 .80.

There are 20 shillings in a pound. Each shilling is worth 14 cents.

There are 7 shillings in a dollar and 12 pennies in one shilling. See?

No wonder the pilgrims left here to go to America.

Just buy whatever you want and trust the people to give you the right change.

All right, honey, I will.

How much did you give her?

$10.

$10? Well, 10 of whatever they call dollars over here.

Fred, if you gave her 10 pounds, you gave her $28.

$28?

Terrible if you went home without seeing the queen.

I'd feel much worse if I went home without spending the money Fred gave me.

What time she comes out? Oh, okay.

Nope, just tells about the palace. How old it is and how many rooms it has.

Oh, how many rooms has it got?

Over 500.

No wonder she hasn't come out. She's probably lost.

Could you tell me when the Queen might be coming out?

What

did

he say?

Couldn't you understand him? He said... What's that?

I don't know.

And after living with Ricky for 15 years, I thought I could understand

Wait a minute. Maybe this man will know. Pardon me, but could you tell me what

time the queen might be coming out?

I say, could you tell me what time the queen might be coming out, sir?

Lucy. What? He's not allowed to pay any attention to anyone.

How do you know? Says it right here in the book. He's a palace guard.

He's not allowed to pay any attention to anyone. He's not even allowed to smile.

Why not?

It's tradition.

And no one can make him break the rule.

I bet I can.

Lucy. I bet I can make him smile. Now, Lucy.

Hello.

He's a big one, isn't he?

Will you pardon me while I pretend not to know who you are?

So you...

Come on.

Mr. wrote a book. It's called, Is Your Cocker Off His Rocker?

Is Your Collie Off His Trolley?

Is Your Poodle Off His Noodle?

I don't know how that kills them in America.

Oh, Lucy, what a thrill!

What? Well, didn't you see her? Who?

The queen, she just dropped out.

No, no!

It's all your fault, you sphinx, you! Excuse me, I found the answer to your

question. The court's circular, Jane, at one o 'clock, Wimbledon.

that the court circuit agenda is one about Wimbledon.

You'll have to pardon us. We're Americans. We don't understand English.

Could you perhaps talk just a bit slower?

Oh, yes, sorry. I understand Her Majesty is appearing at one o 'clock at the

Wimbledon Hotel Charity Luncheon, you know. What? Well...

see the Queen, would you?

I'd like to have an autograph, too, please. Can you see anything?

Nope, not a thing.

Jump way up, huh?

See her now?

No.

Gee, that isn't fair. They live here. They've seen her before.

Oh, thank you very much.

What's the matter?

Best wishes to one of my British fans.

Signed, Ricky Ricardo.

ever did in your whole life.

What did I do?

All I did was come home. Yes, you came home at one o 'clock, the same time the

queen was supposed to arrive. That's the second time today I missed her.

Can I help it if the English people are nice enough to think of me as a

celebrity? No.

Besides... I wish you'd never made a movie.

Really. I want to tell you something.

Could you tell me, please, what time the queen is arriving for the charity

luncheon today?

Well,

it's not funny. And it's all your fault.

My fault? Yes, if we'd left New York a day earlier, we'd have been here

yesterday and I'd have seen the queen.

Look, would you just calm down for one minute? I got something to tell you.

Well, all right, one minute. But hurry up. I got to get out and look for the

queen. That's just what I want to talk to you about.

Now, look, tomorrow night we open our show at the Palladium, right? Yes.

All right.

The royal family's going to be there.

Not only... when you get to see the queen, you're going to be presented to

You just walk up, slip her the grip and say, hiya, queen.

Well, why not? I've seen her in the newsreel and she looks like a real good

Oh, Fred.

No, no, I think you call her your majesty.

Your majesty?

That's right.

Good evening, your majesty.

How do you do?

I don't think you shake hands.

No? No, when women are presented to the queen, they curtsy. They curtsy? Of

course they... Oh, dear.

What's the matter?

Well, I can't get into my good dress with my girdle off, and I can't curtsy

it on.

Well, you know, I haven't curtsied since I was a kid. Well, I can remember how.

You put your foot like that, and then you bring it around, and you make a

nice...

This isn't easy.

It's been years since I used my curtsy muscles.

Hey, we better practice. Yeah, let's practice. You know, we'll probably have

a big dress, too. You know, a big wide skirt. We ought to really practice our

sweeping. It'll make it more graceful, you know.

Let's see now. My dress has come out to about there.

Down, girl, down.

Just a minute now. I'll make it. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Well, Rome wasn't built like you, either.

Good evening, Your Majesty.

Oh, blimey. That will never do.

Huh? What's the matter with it? Well, ma 'am, according to British etiquette,

when you're presented to the queen, your curtsy is all the way down, resting the

weight on the heel, extending the end, and bowing the end like this.

All the way down? Yeah.

All the way down?

All the... It's like... All the way down?

On the heel?

And extending the hand and bowing the head.

Boy, I'd like to have the liniment concession for this viewpoint.

Simple once you get the hang of it.

Well, thanks very much for showing us. Oh, Mum.

One thing you've got to watch out for. What? The hind leg.

The hind leg? The one you put behind you. You've got to keep it firm so she

don't topple over. Oh.

I wish she hadn't mentioned that.

Keep the hind leg firm.

Yeah. Firm. And sit on your heel.

That's it. That's it.

Yes, and keep your... Oh, whoops. Oh,

you'll get it, ma 'am. All you need is a bit of practice.

Oh, thanks a lot. Good luck to you. Thank you.

Oh, I say, governor, I think I've hurt my hip.

Well, come on, enough of this. Let's go and have lunch, eh? No, I'm going to

stay right here and practice my curtsying.

Well, how about you, Ethel?

Well, I think I'll go with the fellas, Lucy.

I don't like to curtsy on an empty stomach.

After we have lunch, you better go see an international artist and talk to the

fellow over there. Good idea, Red. Good idea. See you later, honey.

Goodbye.

groove yourself.

Why? What do you mean?

I hate to tell you this, but I found out something this afternoon.

What?

Well, the royal family has a special room behind their box at the theater.

do? And it seems that only certain people get invited up there to be

to the queen.

Oh, dear. What a shame. The Mertzes don't get to go.

Well, they'll just have to keep a stiff upper lip.

Lucy. Hmm?

Make it three -step upper lips.

What do you mean?

Well, honey, I looked at the invitation and it only says Ricky Ricardo.

But surely they mean Ricky Ricardo and wife or Ricky Ricardo and guest. I'll be

a guest.

Honey, no. It only says Ricky Ricardo. I'm sorry, honey, but I don't know what

to do.

Couldn't you call Buckingham Palace and ask if you could bring a friend?

I don't think you'll be right to question the Queen's list.

Besides, you know, the British people...

think that the Americans are lethal forward anyway, and I'm kind of

the American people.

I'd like to ask your advice.

Do you think it'll be all right if I bring my wife tomorrow night when I'm

presented to the queen?

No, her name is not on the list.

I know, Philip, but she's dying to meet your queen.

What was that, Philip?

Ricky, I didn't mean for you to really call Buckingham Palace.

Oh, I see.

Well, thanks a lot, Philip.

Talk about Americans being forward. And where did you ever get the telephone

number of Buckingham Palace?

Oh!

That's what you thought.

I was calling Philip Wilcox. He's my agent here in Europe. Oh.

I just wanted to find out. He thought it'd be all right to bring you tomorrow.

What did he say?

He said, no, if your name is not on the list, it's not proper.

Oh, dear.

He said it'd be different if you were in the show, you know, if you were one of

the entertainers or something. Maybe he could... Ricky!

How about that?

Could you dance the lead in that train horse number? Dance the lead?

Train horse number? Yeah, yeah. The ponies? The circus pony number.

When I play the ringmaster? Yes, yes, I could. Sure, I could.

But you haven't rehearsed for it. Well, I've seen it. I've seen it so many

times, honey. You sure you know all the steps? Yes, I know all the steps. How

about that? They have to prance out. Yeah, well, how about the leap they make

through the loop and all that stuff? I'd leap through fire and water to see the

queen.

Muscles are tired from all that bowing.

Well, are you sure you're going to be all right tomorrow?

Oh, certainly I'll be all right tomorrow, for heaven's sake.

Little Charlie horse, that ought to be good for a pony number.

Thank you.

Fred, tell the chief electrician to put a new lamp in that blue border.

Fred, has Ricky come back from seeing the queen?

No. How's Lucy?

Oh, she hasn't been able to get the charley horse out of her leg yet.

I never thought I'd see the day when Lucy had turned down an introduction to

queen. Well, she's so embarrassed. She thinks she made a fool of herself in

number and she can't curtsy. And she won't meet the queen if she can't

Hi. Oh, did you meet the queen? What was she like? Oh, Ethel, she is the most

charming and gracious lady I have... Ever met. Oh, I knew she would be. What

about the Duke? Is he a pretty good Joe?

Just as charming as she was. Listen, how's Lucy? Oh, she feels terrible.

so disappointed.

Well, wait till she hears what I gotta tell her.

What? Well, the Queen has requested to meet the lady that did the comical

dancing. I'm gonna tell her right now.

Hey!

This is like a command performance.

Oh, this is gonna break her heart, Fred, the poor little thing.

Of all...

to get a charley horse.

I bet she goes. Oh, never.

Well, this means a lot to her. Besides, it's a special invitation.

But she can't curtsy, I can tell you. Go on.

Well, you won't believe this.

She got into a curtsy position to say she could do it, and she can't get out

it. Oh, well, that's that.

Oh, no, that's not.

Wait till you see she got a couple of ushers, and, well, see for yourself.

The bellboy was played by Sam Edwards. The man on the street was Robert Shafto,

and the maid was Nancy Culp.

Choreography by Jack Baker.

The dancers were Betty Scott and Patty Nestor.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.