All language subtitles for i_love_lucy_s05e12_staten_island_ferry

And now, I Love Lucy.

Yes, Marion, we're taking off for Europe
next week.

Well, I'm so excited I can hardly stand
it.

Oui, oui.

That's French, you know.

Yes, yes, we're all studying different
languages so we can act as guides in

different countries.

Uh -huh, I'm taking French and Fred's
studying German and Ethel's learning how

to speak Italian.

Ricky? Oh, he's learning how to speak
English.

No, he's going to take over when we get
to Spain.

Well, now, au revoir, Madame Van Black.

A bientot.

That means goodbye. I'll see you later.

Okay, ooh -la -la, Mary. Love to Norman.
Oh, I'm not going to argue with you any

longer. You're acting just like a child.

I don't care how I'm acting. It's the
truth.

Bonjour, Mama.

Bonjour, Papa.

Mama and Papa?

Now, I haven't learned how to say Fred
and Ethel in French.

How do you say seasick in French?

Oh, will you stop harping on that?

What's wrong?

He's afraid he's going to get seasick on
the boat.

Oh, Fred, that's silly.

It is not.

You were on a boat when you went to
France during the First World War,

you? Yeah, but believe me, it wasn't my
idea.

And you came back on a boat, too, didn't
you? Only because my top sergeant had a

bayonet in my back.

Oh, Fred.

Look, it's different nowadays on these
big ocean liners. It's so smooth you

don't even feel a ripple. And remember,
we're going on the Constitution, one of

the best.

Sure, it's all in your mind. Just don't
think about it. You'll be all right.

Well... This is a terrible time to get a
case of jitters. We've made all the

arrangements. We've sat for our passport
photos. We've had our overseas shots.

Okay, okay.

But I still wish there was a way of
getting to Europe by bus.

Fred, don't forget we're depending on
you to be our guide in Germany. Have you

been studying your German?

Ja wohl, Fraulein.

Hey, that's wonderful.

Geben Sie mir Einstein -Wurzweiser. Oh,
great. What does that mean?

What do you think it means? Give me a
glass of beer.

Is that all he's learned? Nope. He's
learned how to order nine different

of beer.

Oh, we're going to have an interesting
time in Germany.

Never mind. Now, you're not doing so hot
with your Italian.

Is that so?

By the time we get to Italy, you won't
be able to tell me from Gina Lola

Brigida.

Well, give him some of your Gina Lola
Brigida.

Oh, shut him up.

How are you doing with your French,
honey?

Fine. I have mastered the two most
important sentences in the language.

were they?

How much is that dress in the window?
And wrap it up, I'll take it.

Well, I have a feeling that Rookie will
know the French for take it back. It's

too expensive. Yeah, he does.

Hi. Hello, Rick. Hey, I got our passport
pictures. Oh, passport pictures. Let me

see them. They look pretty good. Every
one except mine. Yeah?

Let me see yours, hon.

Hey, that's pretty good of you.

That's you.

Me?

Here. Oh, oh, oh, look. This is you.
Give me me.

Here, honey. This is you. I guess this
is yours. That's okay.

Ah!

I look like Frankenstein.

Well, shake hands with your bride.

That looks more like me than the one of
me does.

You want to trade?

Brad, let me see yours. Yeah.

I don't think that's very bad. No,
that's not so bad. That's very

I look like a fist with eyes.

You're the one that got the good one.

Yeah, that's not bad, Ethel. I think
he's captured the real you.

Is that so?

If I thought I really looked like this,
I wouldn't blame Fred if he walked out

on me right this minute.

Goodbye.

Let me see yours, Ricky. Oh, he's
terrible.

Oh, I think that's pretty cute. Honey,
that's good.

Well, I look all right with my hair. It
looks so funny.

What's the matter with it?

I look like I had a head full of
chocolate fudge.

Fudge. Well, now that we've all looked
at each other's pictures... Ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah. Come on. Come on. Come on now.

Why, honey, I think that's pretty cute.
Very realistic.

Oh, it's terrible. Looks like my face
was put on hot and it ran.

way the pictures came out, so what are
you going to do about it? I know what

going to do. I'm going to find another
photographer and have some more pictures

made right now. So am I. Good.

I'll go put on a new face. Just a
minute. You mean you've had a new face

all this time and you're still wearing
it?

Oh, Fred.

Hey, listen.

We really should go and get our
possipores this morning. Well, you and

We want to get some decent pictures.

Absolutely. And, honey, don't worry
about the baby. I'm going to leave him

nursery school all day. All right. I'll
see you later. Right.

Feminine vanity.

What's the difference what your passport
picture looks like?

I'm going to use this thing right here.

Let me see.

I think I'll use this, too.

No, I guess I better use my own. I look
so much better than this picture, it'll

give them a thrill just to see me in
person.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mr. Emery.

Yes? Well, we have to go down to the
passport office. That's down your way,

we'll stop by.

Sure, we'd love to see it. Thank you.

That's Mr. Remy of the American Export
Line. He wants us to go down to the boat

and he'll show us where the boys are
going to play and the accommodations and

stuff. Well, that's the way.

Okay.

Well,

it's no use, Sato.

Well, you'd think with your own
photographer and 50 different poses

would have gotten at least one good
picture. I just don't understand. This

the same photographer that took our
wedding picture 15 years ago, and we

great.

Well, I guess they're just now making
cameras like they used to.

Hey, I just had a horrible thought.

What? Maybe we really look like this.

Bite your tongue.

Well, what are we going to do now?

Well, either find another photographer
or a plastic surgeon.

What's the matter with Fred? What's the
matter with him?

I'll tell you what happened.

We went down to the S .S. Constitution.

Oh, no. Now, Fred, don't tell me you got
seasick. It was 1918 all over again.

Honey, was it rough?

Rough? The ball was tied to the dock.

It's impossible to get seasick on a boat
that is standing still.

Tell that to my stomach.

Well, Fred, if you're going to get
seasick on a boat that's tied to the

what are you going to do when you get in
the middle of the ocean? Well, I'll

tell you what I'm going to do. I'm not
going.

Oh, Fred, you don't mean that.

Ethel, there's no way to get me on that
boat.

Where can I buy a bayonet?

Now, Fred, you'll be all right once we
get on the way. I'm not going. You've

to go. You're the band manager.

I'm sorry. I get seasick. Fred.

If I miss this trip on account of you,
I'll make you land sick.

What a horrible choice to have to make.

Now, look, what's the matter with other
ones? What about those new wonderful

seasick pills that they have now? Sure.
They work great.

Well... Oh, come on, Fred.

Say you'll go.

What have you got to lose?

Don't ask me that right now.

Did you have to say that?

No, Fred, really, those pills will work
great.

Well, suppose they don't. Well... Take
some and try it. Take some pills and go

for a ride on the Staten Island Ferry.
Yes.

Will you go with me?

I'm not going to face the raging seas of
New York Harbor alone.

Oh, sure, honey.

I'm going to be busy this afternoon, but
tomorrow morning... Listen, you've

got... This afternoon, you've got to go
get your passport.

We do?

Yes. We were just down there. The man
says that you had... This is the last

You want him in time to sail. What time
does the office close? Five o 'clock.

Oh, dear. I've got to go over and get
Aunt Martha's luggage for the trip.

Lucy, will you babysit with Commodore
Squeamish here on the Staten Island

Sure. Okay, I'll see you at the passport
office. All right.

Come on, Fred.

Oh, Ethel! What?

We don't... have any decent pictures.

Well, here's two good ones. Right here.

How can you say these are good?

Because either you use these or you
don't go.

Oh, well, by George, these are kind of
good.

Oh, this is really good. I'll see you at
the passport office, honey.

Listen, you can buy those pills in any
drugstore.

They'll work great.

Well, if they don't, you can wave
goodbye to me now because they'll never

off of Staten Island.

and those pills are going to be all
right.

You just relax now, Fred. Those pills
are going to work great.

Yeah, you know, I think they've
commenced to work already.

Really? Yeah.

I'm not seasick.

Good. I'm not one bit seasick.

I feel great.

I've never felt better in my life. I'm
not safe there. Okay, boy, okay. Wait

till the boat leaves.

Yeah.

Gee, those pills sure relax you. They
do, huh?

Yeah.

You can let go now, Fred.

Fred, let go.

Come on.

Straighten up. Relax.

Take your hands off.

Attaboy. Relax now. Relax.

There. How do you feel?

Oh, I feel fine.

Well, you don't look fine. Come on.
Smile.

Oh, I don't want to jinx it.

Come on, boy. Smile for me.

Attaboy. Attaboy. There. You're not
going to mind this trip at all.

No? No.

Gee,

look at all those white caps out there.
Yeah.

It's real wavy and choppy, isn't it?

Yeah.

Don't you, Fred?

Yeah.

Up we go and down we go.

You're not going to mind this trip at
all, Fred.

Nope.

All you have to do is take a big, deep
breath of fresh air.

Nothing like the ocean air to peppy up
and make you ship -shaped.

Oh.

What's the matter?

Nothing. Now, you don't have to pretend
with me.

I've been on the other side of that
green face.

No, really, I... I feel... Oh.

Steady, honey, steady.

It's all in your mind.

Never mind your philosophy. Just give me
some of your pills.

Oh, yeah.

Here.

I only took two of those.

No, I only took five or six.

This is an emergency.

Don't take any more. They make you awful
sleepy.

Yeah, well, I don't care what they do
just so long as they settle us all.

Oh, no.

Honey, steady, steady.

Come on, honey. Let's go over and sit
down. I think I'd better stay right

Don't you feel any better?

Well, I don't feel any worse, so
compared to the way I was feeling, I'm

better, yeah.

Well, I guess I'm going to get to make
that trip to Europe after all.

Yeah, well, have a good time.

Thank you.

It's 4 .15 already. Hasn't Lucy even
called?

I haven't heard a word from her. I can't
even get my own passport. Somebody has

to identify me.

Oh, look, I'll come right out and
identify you. What do you think could

happened to Lucy and Fred?

I don't know. Unless the seasick pills
didn't work and she can't get Fred off

Staten Island.

I'll be right down. Okay, thanks. Bye.

I'm sure you've got to wake up.

Wake up, sir. Come on. Up you go. All
right. Wake up. All right. All right,

Ethel. I'm awake.

Come on, sir. I'm sorry, but you and
your friend have got to get off.

Where are we? New York.

Well, we must have had a nice trip.

You had five nice trips.

What? Yes, I woke you up after the first
trip, but you said you and your friend

wanted to sleep.

Oh, boy, you must have really tied one
on.

Now, wait a minute. You never woke me
up. I did. You gave me a dollar. Well,

dollar's up five trips.

What time is it?

It's about 4 .22.

4 .22. Holy cow, 4 .22.

Lucy.

Lucy, honey, you've got to wake up.

You've got to wake up, honey.

You've got to wake up, honey.

You've got to wake up. We've got to get
off of this tub.

We've got to get your passport.

Passport? Yes. If we don't get off of
this boat, you'll never get to Paris.

Paris? Yeah.

Where are the dress shops?

No,

no. This way.

This way. There.

That's right.

There,

that side.

This

way.

Now, straight ahead.

There.

Well, madam, it looks like your friend
didn't make it.

Oh, now she'll make it. We've still got
eight minutes.

Seven minutes. This office closes
promptly at five o 'clock. Oh, but we

have our passports today.

Rules are rules.

Well, it wouldn't hurt you to stay up in
a few extra minutes, would it? When the

five o 'clock whistle blows, so do I.

I am not leaving this office until I get
my passport.

This office closes at five o 'clock if I
have to eject you forcibly.

You just... Try it.

I'm a tax -paying citizen.

I'll report you to Washington, and then
you see how long you hold this job.

This is a civil service job.

If you want to get me fired, you'll have
to wait till I die.

Come on, honey.

Where have you been? You know the
office... Fred, what's the matter with

Well, she got seasick and took a mess of
those pills and got a little drowsy. A

little drowsy? I was speaking to him
before we woke up. We'd been to Staten

Island five times.

See that clock? You've got exactly six
minutes left.

Six minutes? Okay, okay.

I've made out all the papers. All she
has to do is sign them and be sworn in.

And identify you.

I'll identify her. I'm her husband.

Oh, that's too bad.

Well, you don't have to rub it in.

I mean, she can't be identified by a
relative.

Oh, well, she'll identify me. Well,
madam.

Can you identify... Are we keeping her
up?

Lucy. Lucy, wake up.

I'm awake.

Okay.

Lucy, come on now. You have to wake up,
honey. Wake up. Wake up. Fred, sit down.

You're rocking the boat.

Can you identify this woman as Ethel
Mertz?

Yeah, that's Ethel.

Not me, honey. Her.

Can you identify this woman?

Oh, what woman?

Oh, I'll get a little water.

She'll be all right. She's taking a
little nap.

Looks to me like she's taking a little
nip.

Here you are, honey.

Oh, Fred, I'm sorry.

What did you do that for? Oh, I couldn't
help it. Lucy, come on now. Wait a

minute. I gotta get my passport. Honey,
you're here. Right here now. Come on

now. Madam, can you identify this woman
as Ethel Mertz?

Huh?

Oh, hi, Ethel. Oh, thank you.

Got a passport photo? Yes, sir.

Now, don't laugh.

Madam, I've been looking...

passport photos all my life.

There's never one that's made me hee
-hee -hee -hee.

Okay.

Okay, let's get on with it, shall we?
Yeah, just sign your photo. All right.

Now, do you solemnly swear that the
statement made in your passport

is true, that the photograph attached to
her likeness of you, do you further

solemnly swear that you will support and
defend the Constitution of the United

States against all enemies, foreign or
domestic, that you will bear true faith

and allegiance to the same, that you
take this obligation freely without

reservation? All purposes of aviation so
help you. If so, raise your right hand

and say, I do. I do.

You'll have your passport in a week.
Okay, now what about her?

Well, we haven't got time for her.

Oh, yes, we have. We've got four and a
half minutes. Come on now, Lucy. You'll

have to wake up. Come on now.

Okay, let's go.

Can you identify this woman as Mrs.

Lucille Ricardo?

Yes, I can, Your Honor. Yes, sir. I only
have the oath left.

Oh, okay. Now you have to take the oath.

What word you are after? Oh, look, you
see, we... Honey, what's the matter with

Lucy? She's asleep.

She got seasick and took too many of
those pills.

I thought you were the one that got
seasick. What are you taking pills for?

She made me look like Admiral Nimitz.

Exactly four minutes left. Four minutes.
Come on, honey. All she has to do is

sign the papers. All right. Come on,
honey. Wake up, Lucy.

Honey, wake up. Uh -huh.

Yes.

Give me the paper, honey. Okay. Give me
the paper. All right. There you are now.

Here. Now, here you are, honey. All
you're doing is just... Hi. Hi.

Just sign the paper.

Just sign your paper. No, no.

Just sign the paper, honey. Come on now.
Just sign your paper.

Oh, honey.

Oh, Lucy. Honey, wait a minute. Oh,
honey.

Here, I better get you another pen.
Okay, she's working. Later, dear. Later,

later. Here. Come on now.

Get it right there. All right, I'll hold
it. There you are. Now sign your paper.

Oh, no.

Oh, don't hurt my... Lucy.

Look, sweetheart, I'll hold your hand
for you here. There you go. I'll hold

paper. Yeah, later.

Right here. Just sign it right there.
See?

Lucy...

Here, you got it.

Now for the oath. All she has to do is
to say I do after I finish.

You hear that, honey? All you have to do
is say I do.

Lucy, all you have to do is say I do. I
do.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

Honey, come on.

Raise your right hand and say I do.

You know, I think this woman's
intoxicated.

Madam, do you drink?

I do.

Three more minutes. Now, come on.
Straighten up. Wake up. All right. Try

again now. Now, wait a minute, asshole.
This is a very important piece of paper.

She can't take the old being's sleep.

Well, you can't wake her up. We haven't
got time. Well, if we don't have time to

wake her up, she's going to have to stay
home. Oh, you'll have to wake up,

honey. Try something. Let me wake you
up. Come on now. Get yourself up.

There, that's it, see?

I only swear that the statement made on
your passport applications are true,

that the photograph attached are a
likeness of you. You further solemnly

that you will support and defend the
Constitution of the United States

all enemies, foreign and domestic, that
you will bear true faith and allegiance

to the same, that you take this
obligation freely, without mental

purposes of evasion to help you. If so,
raise your right hand and say, I do.

I do.

Thank you very much.

Oh, that was great, honey. This is fine
now. Come on, honey.

I never thought we had time to make it.
I didn't think we had time.

Everything's all right now.

Hey!

You can go now.

Ferry boat officer was played by Stanley
Farrar, and the passport office clerk

was played by Charles Lane.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back
next week at this same time.