Original subtitles

And now, I love Lucy.

What you doing, honey?

Putting on my engagement book.

Your engagement book?

Mm -hmm. Let me see it.

Look at all those engagements.

I hope you left some time for me.

Oh, sure, honey. I won't forget you. See?

Let me see. Right here.

February 2nd.

Kiss Lucy.

February 2nd happens to be Groundhog Day.

Did you ever kiss a groundhog?

No.

Hey, you know what I was missing. Oh, fine.

I'm going to get back in my hole. I'll see you in February.

Hi, Rick.

Hi.

How you feeling?

Fine, thanks.

Everything's going all right, huh?

Great, thanks, lad.

How's Lucy?

She's fine, Fred.

There, we'll leave the record, thanks.

What's on your mind, Fred?

Mind? Well, nothing.

Oh, Fred, go ahead and ask him. Oh, now, wait a minute. Ethel, just hold your

horses.

I know how busy you are, Rick, and I've been telling the fellas down at my lot

just what a good friend of mine you are.

And, well, well, you are.

There ain't many guys as nice as you.

Oh, boy, you're a prince.

Fred, what do you want?

What do you mean, what do I want?

Oh, Fred, he has to put on a show for his lodge, and he wants to know if

be in it for him.

Why, sure, Fred, I'd love to.

You see, Ethel, I told you all I had to do was ask him.

Oh, boy, what a feather in my cap.

At the election, I'll be a cinch for Sergeant -at -Arms.

What night is it? Next Friday.

Oh, I'm sorry, Fred. I can't do it next Friday.

Oh, are you sure?

You know, I'd rather do your show, but you see, I'm booked to do a radio

that night.

Oh, well, it looks like you won't be the next Sergeant -at -Arms.

Well, doggone, I'm not going to be flag bearer again.

I doubt if they'll want you to be flag bearer again with that pot.

The last time they marched down Fifth Avenue, the flag was two blocks ahead of

the parade.

Can't you get out of it, Rick? Yeah, I wish I could, Fred, but I can't. It's a

commitment. Now what am I going to do? I've got to put a show together.

Oh, I wish I could help you out. Did I hear someone say that they had to get a

show together?

Lucy, you were way out in little Ricky's room. How'd you hear him say that?

Listen, when it comes to hearing about show business, Lucy has a special sense.

Something that the Navy later developed and called radar.

How about it, Fred? You need some talent in the show, huh? Can I be in it? Wait

a minute. Wait a minute. Let me get comfortable. I'm going to enjoy watching

this happening to somebody else.

Oh.

What? Can I, Fred? Can I be in the show, please?

Will you be quiet now?

Fred, look, I know there's something I can do for the Lodge show. I know there

is. Can I be in it? Okay, Lucy, I'll take it.

Thank you. Now, that's the kind of appreciation I like.

Can I be in the show, too? Yeah, please. Oh, Fred, thank you.

What kind of show do you have in mind? Well, I don't know. It's for my Lodge

brothers. I know just exactly the kind of show that your Lodge brothers would

like to see.

So do I. Well, you can't do that kind of a show.

What's the matter with an operetta? Oh, an operetta. And I could sing. Lily did

it the way we did at the club.

Lily in the Valley. Lily in the Valley.

He'll be here any minute. What are we going to do now?

He didn't say. He's not having lunch with some old crony of his again.

old crony? Where does he dig them up? I don't know. I think somebody put Fred on

the old crony mailing list.

Hi, kids. Oh, hi.

Well, our troubles are over. Oh.

Meet Rattlesnake Jones.

Rattlesnake, my wife Ethel, and Lucy Ricardo.

How do you do?

You know, Fred, you always did have a good eye for a young Ethel.

Glad to know you, Miss Merch.

This is murder.

Well,

the heifer part still goes.

Honey, I'm just kidding.

Yeah, he's quite a kidder. Yeah, sit down, everybody.

Sit down. You say you got a new idea for the show, huh, Fred? Yeah, well,

Rattlesnake is in town to see the rodeo at the Madison Square Garden. His kid

brother's in the show. Oh, that's nice. He's going to help us put together a

western show for my life. A western show?

much time here.

Let me see what kind of talent we got around here.

Say, Fred, can you and your missus, can you all do a western number?

Oh, I'll say we can. We did Birmingham Jail once.

Birmingham Jail? Yeah. Let me hear it. You want to hear it? Yes, ma 'am. Send

a letter.

Oh, send a letter.

Send it in care of the Birmingham Jail.

Wait, wait.

What's the matter? That's a western song and you all are doing it Eastern. What

do you mean?

Western music, you got to take your time.

Why, you was rushing through that song like your britchard was on fire.

Well, we can sing it slower.

Yeah, we'll slow it down. All right, you got to slow it up a little bit. You

know what you got to do? You got to take your time on it, and you really got to

make it sound sad.

Sounded pretty sad to me.

Now, I'll tell you what you do.

Give it to me again this time, and when I bend, just bend them notes a little

bit. Bend them notes? Bend them.

When I move my head down like that, bend them. Oh, that way.

That's right. Oh, we can do that. Yeah. Make it sad. Real sad, huh? Yes, ma 'am.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

All right. Can't go wrong with that there.

Now, little lady, what you aiming to do? I'm aiming to do anything you aim at

me.

Well, what we need, we need a pretty girl that can sing a song and yodel.

then you can just stop looking.

Oh, Lucy, you can't yodel.

Well, if you're going to be technical, she can't sing either.

You just pay them no never mind rattle. They don't know everything about me.

All right, then give me a little touch of your yodeling singing then. All

Discouraging words.

Well, now I know my yodeling's a little rusty, but how about my singing?

You're about to hear your second discouraging word.

Oh. Wait a minute, now. There must be something we can do with that voice.

I could make a few suggestions. Now, Fred.

Now, listen, little lady.

All you gotta remember that us western folks, we always think through our noses

right here.

Oh, you do?

Yep, it keeps the prairie dust out our lungs.

Now, this time, give it to me and really whine it out. Okay.

Whine it. I will.

Can

you

spin a rope?

Can you play a fiddle or a steel guitar?

No. I don't know, little lady. You just don't seem to be the Western -type

entertainer. Oh, I'm not the Eastern -type entertainer either. I'm just an

-American flop. Oh, now, honey.

You've got to think up something for her to do because Fred promised her she

could be in the show. Yes, I did.

Well, I've got to... Say, I know an act you can do. What is it? All you've got

to know is your right hand from your left. My right hand from my left. Now,

a minute, wait a minute. I know, I know.

This is my left hand.

Good girl.

Now, the idea of this act to make tune on bells.

Like a Swiss bell ringer. No, like a Western bell ringer. Now, you take these

bells and you tie them all over you. All over you? Yeah, and then you start to

jingle a little tune.

All you

got to do is to play the right note with the bell.

By the old mill street where

I first met you.

By the old... Hi, honey.

Oh, hi, dear.

Hi, dear.

Dinner ready?

What are you doing?

Rehearsing.

Rehearsing?

Yeah, for the act, I'm going to do a Fred's Lodge.

Oh.

Lucy, you can't do that kind of an act.

Ricky, I'm going to have bells tied all over me, and I'm going to jiggle a tune.

You know, I've been married to you so long that that sounds logical.

It's going to be the hit of the show. Now, you see.

Will you mind stop rehearsing long enough to jiggle me some dinner?

You better make him scramble eggs.

Hey, your agent called. I forgot to tell you. He wants you to call him. Johnny?

Yeah.

Johnny Clark speaking.

Hello, Johnny. This is Ricky. You call me? Yeah.

I just wanted to check on what numbers you're going to do Friday night on the

Western show.

Western show? What Western show?

Well, don't you remember I asked you to get together a program for the rodeo?

Yeah. Well?

What's that got to do with the Western show?

Oh, no.

Don't you know what a rodeo is?

Of course I know what it is. It's a little box and it has a dial and out of

comes music and football games.

Not radio, rodeo.

Rodeo's a big western show with horses and cowboys.

Oh, you curse yourself and I can't do that. I got a roofer van.

Do you want to be sued for breach of contract?

Well, I don't... Breach of contract?

you wouldn't disappoint your public. I'll tell them everything's all set.

Bye.

What's the matter, honey?

What's the matter? I'll tell you what's the matter. I'm going back to Cuba where

the language makes some sense.

You Americans sure have a funny way of talking.

We have a funny way of talking.

Yeah.

I was supposed to do? Yeah.

It turned out to be a rodeo.

Oh, no!

Oh, yeah. Now I gotta put a whole western show in two days.

Well, what do you know? A western show.

Yeah. I've never been in such a mess in my life.

You never had it so good.

What are you talking about?

If I was a western snake, I'd bite you.

I gotta go back to Cuba.

No, no, no!

You need a Western show? We got a Western show. It's heaven sent.

Well, send it back.

Now, honey, I got a lot of work to do. I got to call some agents and see if they

got some Western acts in town. Now, don't...

Hello,

Harry. Look, this is Ricky.

Look, they booked me to a Western show, and I want to know if I can get some

Western acts from you.

Yes.

What about Tex Ritter?

It's out of town.

What about that fellow, that Gabby Hayes? It's very good.

No.

Well, how about that fellow that plays Wyatt Earp, you know, Brian?

Well, look, I know that the rodeo is booked into the garden for two weeks,

there must be some Western acts around there and not at the garden.

You can get anybody at all.

All right.

Thanks for trying. Bye.

I am not going to turn you down. You're not?

No. After I found out that I can't get anybody else, you're beginning to look

pretty good to me.

Who did you take it? I'm afraid so. Oh, my God. You have a wonderful act.

There's one thing that I like real good about your act. What's that?

It won't cost me any money.

western performers who are the only ones available.

May I see you for a minute?

About

that

western show you need so badly.

I'm afraid we have other commitments.

Uh, yes. Fred's lodge show is that night.

Of course, we can postpone the lodge show if the price was right.

All right, all right. I know when I'm hooked.

How much do you want?

How much will you pay?

How much do you want?

You go first.

All right.

I'll give you $25.

We'll take $100.

$25. $100.

Twenty -five.

We'll take it.

cowboy that ever hit Madison Square Garden.

A human cowboy!

Well, it so happens that I was born West Havana.

No way!

That's correct, and I also know how this cowboy talk goes. Oh, really? Well,

give us a little sample.

Well, it goes something like this. They said something like, uh, Howdy, partner.

I reckon I mosey alone down yonder and salop all pain.

Mosey alone

Some cowboy.

Well, I like to hear Roy Rogers sing Babaloo.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. This is Dory O'Dell again,

to tell all you folks that we have a great treat in store for you here at the

rodeo tonight.

A new MGM star, in fact, a great singing cowboy star, Ricky Ricardo.

And I want to tell you that he brought along his whole rootin' tootin' gang, so

here he is, Ricky Ricardo.

Call me Texas Pete.

I'm the king of the western beat.

When I play my guitar, I go yippee -ki -yay, yippee -ki -yay. Ah -ha!

Yes, sir, I'm Texas Pete.

And I split the gals off in their feet.

When I start to twang, everything goes yippee -ki -yay, yippee -ki -yay. Ah

So little darling, I know that you will like the yippee -yahoo.

Cause it's the dance of western romance.

And Texas Pete doesn't teach you in a hurry like Paul Palomari.

You're out on the range.

Hold it there, man. I think I lost something here.

There we go, folks.

So everybody dance.

Grab a gun and commence to prance. And I'll teach you to yippee -ki -yay,

-ki -yay, yippee -ki -yay.

Yip, yip, yip, yippee -ki -yay, yippee -ki -yay, yippee -ki -yay.

Yahoo!

Happy to be here with you tonight.

And it is my pleasure to introduce to you two lovable darlings from the West,

Fred and Little Ethel May Mertz. And they're going to sing for you their

of Red River Valley. Let's bring them on, folks. What do you say?

mockingbird. Listen to the mockingbird.

Ladies and gentlemen, well, sir, while they're getting all changed for the

finale, which, by the way, is going to feature Miss Lucy Cannonball

and all of her famous Russian bell ringers, why, I would like to do you a

cowboy song called The Old Chisholm Trail.

Come along, boys, and listen to my tale. I'll tell you my troubles on the old

Chisholm Trail. Come a -tie -yippee -yippee -yay, come a -tie -yippee

-yay. On a ten -dollar horse and a forty -dollar saddle, I started punching

Texas cattle. Come a -tie -yippie -yippie -yay, come a -tie -yippie

-yay.

Well, I went to the boss to draw my roll, and he figured me out nine dollars

the hole. Come a -tie -yippie -yippie -yay, come a -tie -yippie -yippie -yay.

Oh, a stray in the herd, and the boss said kill it, so I hit it in the neck

a longhouse. Kill it, come a -tie -yippie -yippie -yay, come a -tie

-yippie -yay.

Well, it's cloudy in the west and looking like rain and my dog gone

the wagon again.

I'll sell my outfit as soon as I can and I won't punch cows for an old man.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, here they are, Lucy Cannonball McGillicuddy and

of her famous western bell ringers in their version of Down by the Old Mill

Street.

Thank you.

Mark Rattlesnake Jones was played by Dub Taylor.

Johnny Clark was played by John Gallaudet. And the master of ceremonies

played by Doy O'Dell.

Choreography by Jack Baker.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at the same time.