Original subtitles

You want coffee, don't you, Fred?

Okay.

Yes?

Good.

You can take care of us, huh?

Oh, that's wonderful.

Thank you very much. Goodbye.

Is it all set, honey?

Yes, sir. By Wednesday, we'll be lolling in the Palm Springs sun.

Oh, that'll be great. Play golf and everything, huh, Frank?

Yes. Are there any of those little cakes left that we bought at the farmer's

market? Oh, gee, I don't know, Ethel. I'll see.

Ethel, we've just had dinner. Are you going to feed your face again?

Well, I just want a little extra something.

From where I'm sitting, you've already got that little extra.

There they are.

Where are we going to look tonight?

I'd like to go to a movie.

Well, let's see.

Look up something good now, Lucy.

Rock Hudson.

In what?

In Palm Springs.

Are you looking up a movie? No, I'm reading Hedda Hopper. She says, Rock

has returned from a personal appearance tour with his exciting new picture,

Captain Lightfoot, and he's resting in Palm Springs.

That's right. He told me at lunch the other day he was going down there.

Do you know him?

Yeah. Real nice fellow.

Oh, he makes me so mad. Here he is hobnobbing with big celebrities every

Just doesn't mean a thing to him.

Honey, they're just like anybody else. They're just like anybody else.

See if you can find a neighborhood movie.

All right.

What's so funny?

What's so funny?

It seems they arrested a woman last night for hitting her husband.

I fail to see anything comical about that.

Well, it was the way it happened. They were married for 20 years. He had this

irritating habit of cracking his knuckles.

Finally, she couldn't stand it, and she said, Don't crack your knuckles anymore,

dear. Let me do it. And she cracked them with a baseball bat.

that thin dividing line.

I don't see why you have to get so hysterical about it. I don't know, but

idea of someone finally letting go and doing exactly as they've wanted to do

20 years just kills me.

I know just how she felt. Yeah, imagine with a baseball bat.

couldn't have loved her husband very much. My goodness, if a little knuckle

cracking is all she had to put up with.

What do you mean by that, Lucy?

What?

If a little knuckle cracking is all she had to put up with.

Oh, I didn't mean anything, dear.

Everybody has little habits that annoy somebody else.

Are you insinuating that I have habits that drive you crazy?

Honey, I didn't say that you had any annoying habits.

that drive me crazy.

What do you mean by that?

Oh, honey, now you're only human.

All right. Go ahead.

Mention one annoying habit that I have.

Go on, mention one.

Well, if you insist, that tapping.

What tapping?

That tapping.

Oh, well.

I never did that before.

Never did it before. Oh, honey, you've been tapping those nervous little

for 15 years.

Well, I beg your pardon.

Oh, honey, now don't let it upset you. Nowadays it doesn't bother me much, but

will admit it used to set my teeth on edge.

Muchas gracias.

Yeah, see what's playing around here. Have a look in the paper, will you?

At the pancake is the... May I say that you're not the only one that has the

tits on edge.

Oh.

Go on.

What is it about me that sets your tits on edge?

No, no, go ahead. Tell me what little habit I have that drives you crazy.

Oh, you know what it is.

You're doing it right now.

I'm not doing anything right now.

Is your coffee too hot?

No. Then why are you stirring it?

Every morning, for hours and hours and hours.

Well,

that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. I'm just stirring it enough to

get the cream mixed in.

Get the cream mixed in.

without you pounding out the anvil corals on your coffee cup.

Well, I'm very sorry that I set your tip on edge. And that's another thing.

You're always mocking the way I talk. That's because there's so much there to

muck. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Well, now, wait a minute. Wait a minute, will you?

Take it easy.

You're acting like that couple in the paper.

Are we going to a picture or not? Not.

Now, you're just acting childish.

Married people are only human.

You just have to learn to overlook these little things.

Sure. Imagine if I let Ethel's irritating habits get on my nerves.

What irritating habits are you referring to, Frederick?

It's nothing.

You just said we'd have to overlook these things.

What things?

Oh, now, let's not be specific, honey bunch. You don't get sore.

No, I wouldn't dare. Go on, tell me.

Well, now, here's a little thing. You enjoy your food so much, you eat it with

lot of... Gusto?

Relish?

Enthusiasm?

Well, frankly, the word I had in mind was... Noise.

Noise? You asked me and I told you.

Speaking of noise, I have a compliment for you.

For me?

Well, what is it?

You want to tell me?

Yes, just as soon as you finish that chorus of Jingle Bells.

Jingle Bells? What are you talking about?

Jingle Bells.

I felt like I was married to the good humor man.

Well, it certainly is very interesting to find out that we've been driving each

other crazy all these years. Yeah.

Yes, something bothering you?

You are deliberately not stirring your coffee.

I am not? Yes, you are. I am not deliberately not stirring my coffee?

Hey,

hey, hey, I just came from the preliminaries.

Our bot was a little bit dull.

All in English.

No international flavor like yours.

Well, I don't blame Ethel Fred. That was terrible. You were telling her she

chewed like a cow.

Why, if you ever said a thing like that to me... Oh, now lay off, will you,

Lucy? I just went ten rounds with old Bossy.

Oh,

there you are.

I want the key to the trunk, unless you need it to play a tune.

of course, is a cow -cow boogie.

Fred, you take that back.

All right, I'll take that back.

What's the matter with all of us? We're snapping at each other like four cats in

a sack.

We are, aren't we? Yes, we are. And I know why we're getting on each other's

nerves. Why?

Because we've been together too much on this trip.

Any four people that have spent this much time together are bound to get sick

each other.

Lucy, I think you've hit it.

Yeah.

So the four of us... are going to go to Palm Springs and share a bungalow.

Oh, dear.

Well, there's just one thing to do. One couple go to Palm Springs, the other

couple stay here.

Oh, that doesn't seem fair. Well, it's the only way, Ethel.

We'll tell you all about it when we get back.

Wait a minute.

How come you're the couple that's going?

Yeah. Oh, I don't know. I just picked a couple at random and it was us.

The mercies will go.

Tails, we go. Okay?

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. We're going at this thing all wrong.

We're planning to spend the weekend with the person who annoys us the most.

Oh, yeah.

We're paired off wrong.

Now she tells me.

All right. So who's going to go to Palm Springs? Either Ethel and I or Fred and

you. Okay. Okay? Yeah. Should I flip the coin? Yeah. All right. Heads, we go.

Tails, you stay.

That's how I happened to get married.

Oh, I made a mistake.

Heads we go, tails you go. That's better. Okay.

Two out of three.

Three out of five.

Four out of seven.

All right, all right.

You and Ethel go to Palm Springs.

Have a good time. You mean it?

It's either that or... 223 out of 349.

It says here this is the first time it's rained in Palm Springs during this

month in 20 years.

No kidding. Well, leave it to us to pick this time.

Any break in the clouds?

Huh?

Any break in the clouds?

Oh, I wasn't looking at that.

I thought maybe a movie star would float by.

You know, the waiter told me this morning that Rock Hudson's staying in

bungalow next door.

Palm Springs, where the sunshine spends the winter.

Where's the sun?

Maybe you couldn't get a room.

a nap with the baby. Okay, Mother.

I wonder what the boys are doing in Hollywood.

Oh, they're probably down at the pool swimming and sunning and jingling and

tapping.

coffee? Nope.

Okay. Mmm.

Mmm.

Whoa.

something to drown out the sound of your clinking, I'm going stir -crazy.

Well, I beg your pardon.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ethel. I guess my nerves are on edge.

I wish we hadn't come on this trip at all.

I miss Ricky.

I can top that.

Call them up and tell them to come down right away, huh?

Okay.

Oh, wait a minute. You can't do that.

Why not?

Well, if you call them up, it'll just be admitting that we were wrong and that

we miss them.

Well, we were wrong and we do miss them.

You can't tell a husband a thing like that. You'll set wives back 2 ,000

Oh, don't be silly. I'm ready to forgive and forget.

You forgive and they'll never let you forget.

How else are we going to get them down here?

Oh, there must be another way.

We can think of something.

Is it ever going to stop raining?

Oh, what's the difference?

The ball game's called off.

Nut.

Just when I had a chance to see the Hollywood stars.

Well, we can't play golf and we can't go swimming. What are we going to do?

Well, if this rain keeps coming down, we might as well start building an ark.

Oh, we got to do something besides just sit in this room.

Well, we can always go and sit in my room.

Very clever remark.

I liked it.

The way we're snapping at each other, you think we were married. Yeah.

You know what I think it is? What?

Well, this might sound crazy to you, but I think we miss our wives.

Oh, come now.

Oh, really?

I miss Lucy.

You don't suppose I miss Ethel?

Well, why else would you be acting so cranky and irritable?

Well, my liver could be out of whack.

Come on, let's go enjoy them. Let's get out of this miserable rain and into that

wonderful Palm Springs sunshine.

The story just can't run down there and say we miss them.

Well... Look there.

Hello?

Palm Springs, maybe the girls.

Hello?

Yes, this is Rickery, Colonel.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Oh, sure, I could come.

I could leave right away.

Okay, thank you. Have a wonderful.

This is perfect.

That was Dory Sherry's secretary.

She wants me to come down to Palm Springs and meet with Dory for a

Gee, what a break. Great.

Go back to back.

Oh, boy, what a recipe for chocolate cake.

Oh, Ethel, you're always thinking about something to eat.

Ah, Phoebe.

Oh, come on, darling.

Here we are. Hi.

Hi. We had a nice long walk. Now we're going to go in and get a cookie.

All right, honey.

But don't let him eat too much. I know I'm going to spoil his dinner. All

Come on now. Come on, we walk back and then there we go. Bye, lovey. Bye -bye.

Come on with that.

Isn't this wonderful?

Oh, thank goodness that sun came out.

Where are you all covered up?

You know I don't want to get sunburned.

I don't get it. What was all that talk about? Where is the sun?

Well, it's the principle of the thing.

I pay for the sun. It's my business whether I use it or not.

you Mrs.

Ricky Ricardo?

Yes. I mean, yes.

Well, I'm Rock Hudson.

Oh, yeah. I know that.

How do you do? How do you do?

This is Mrs.

Mertz.

Mertz. Yeah, yeah. Mrs. Mertz. How do you do?

Did Ricky come with you?

No, no. He couldn't get away.

Oh, that's too bad.

Do you mind if I join you?

Mr. Candy?

No, thank you.

I just got some bad news about somebody Ricky knows.

Oh?

Script girl at the studio, and I wanted to tell him about it.

Oh, well, wouldn't you like to tell me? I'll tell him.

Well, I would like to talk to somebody about it, if you wouldn't mind.

Oh, no, go right ahead.

Well, that script girl...

Adele Sliff.

Adele Sliff?

She's been married for 20 years.

Hmm.

About three weeks ago, she and her husband had their first fight.

Oh.

What did they fight about?

A habit he had.

A habit?

A silly little habit.

What was it?

He whistled all the time.

He whistled?

Absentmindedly, like this.

Like that?

One note all the time.

Wow.

That would drive anyone crazy.

Yeah. Sam would.

All day and all night.

And finally, Adele couldn't stand it any longer, and she said, Sam, just one

more, and I'll leave you.

And? And he, and she did.

She did? She left him? She left him. Just because he went?

Oh, well, they'll probably go back together.

Yeah, if you really love someone, you shouldn't let a little come between you.

That's the sad part of it.

Yesterday, Adele got a wire, and it said... What,

Mr. Hudson?

Well, you see, Sam was on his way home to try to make up with her, and he had

accident.

Adele... Flew to the hospital and went into his room and there was Sam wrapped

in bandages from head to foot.

Adele said, Sam, speak to me.

Just one little... All she wanted to hear was just one

little... Kitty?

No. It was all over.

No?

No.

Sam will never... Again.

That story.

It certainly is. It happened to anybody, too. I just showed you how wonderful it

is.

Mess up your whole life.

Well, Fred, look who's here.

for that performance.

What are you talking about? I gotta tell him. It's so great that I can tell him.

What?

You see, we didn't know how you would feel about us, so we asked Rock to come

over here and kind of soften you up.

Oh, really?

Well, Ethel, what's the difference? The important thing is we're all together.

You're not angry, are you?

Oh, I should say now, you can soften me up anytime.

You know what bungalow Dory Sherry's staying in? Dory Sherry? Yeah.

He's not here?

He's not? No.

I can't understand that.

His secretary called me on the phone and told me... Would you mind coming down

to Palm Springs? Mr. Sherry, we'd like to discuss a picture property with you.

Was that you on the phone?

I'll bet you think we're crazy, huh?

Well...

Mrs. McGillicuddy was played by Catherine Carr.

Rock Hudson portrayed himself. And his latest picture is Universal's Captain

Lightfoot.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.