Original subtitles

Well?

Well? Do you see anything different about me?

No.

Two legs, two arms, one head. Oh, you know what I mean. Did I get any suntan?

No. Oh, darn it.

Honey, why don't you give up trying to get a suntan? You always get burned with

your fur skin.

Well, my fur skin.

Hi, fellas.

Hi. Hi.

Say, we're going to drive out to Pomona tomorrow afternoon, Lucy. We thought

maybe you'd like to go with us.

Okay.

What's the matter with her?

Oh, she's upset because she can't get a suntan.

Oh, what's the difference?

There's a lot of difference out here. Oh, I'll say there is. We went down to

Beverly Hills yesterday, and those women all had the most beautiful tans. It was

embarrassing. Ethel and I looked like a couple of marshmallows.

Sure did.

Gee, I'd love to get a tan.

You know what I'd like to look like? A toasted marshmallow.

No, I'd like to look like I belong in Beverly Hills.

Oh, even if you got a tan, it wouldn't help.

Did you notice the beautiful clothes those women were wearing?

Yeah, you're right. I just look like a tacky toasted marshmallow.

Unless, of course, I could buy some beautiful clothes like those women.

Ricky?

Oh, Ricky.

I would dearly love to have just one dress from an exclusive Ceylon like Don

Loper's. Oh, yes. It would just set you up for life if you could open your

closet door and see one Loper label.

Eh, what's the sense of dreaming?

Now, now, wait a minute, honey bunch. Maybe we can figure something out.

Who said that?

It sounded like Fred, but I don't believe it.

Fred, you really mean it?

Sure. Oh!

What do you think he charged for one label?

Oh, fine.

Ricky.

Ricky, you're not going to say no, are you?

Look, all I want is just one simple, little, ordinary, plain dress from

I'll buy the cheapest one he has. Honest, I will, honey.

Honest, I will.

Well, as I thought... If you... It is? Yeah. Oh! Hey, he's... Hey, yeah.

Hey, man. Hey!

Agreed, so fast my brain blew a fuse.

Oh. Wait a minute, I just thought it was a thought. Yeah, I know, honey, I know.

Well, how much is a dress of loafers?

Well, it wouldn't be very much. How much?

Well, not very much, really, for what you'd be getting.

Well, how much?

Practically nothing.

Break that nothing into dollars.

Well, uh, just for one simple, ordinary...

Plain little old nothing dress.

A hundred dollars?

A hundred

dollars for one dress?

The reason he almost choked to death is because a hundred dollars is all I've

spent on clothes ever since we've been married.

That's very good.

very carefully.

And I have given due consideration to the fact that this might be the only

that we're out here in Hollywood.

That's right.

But the only answer I can arrive at is yes.

act like a rube. Because I am a rube.

And so are you. I know it. But let's try to act at home here at Don Loper's.

Well, it's kind of difficult when your permanent address has always been

Gimble's basement.

Hey, where are all the racks of dresses?

There aren't any.

What do you paw through?

You don't paw through anything.

Get your mind out of that basement. They bring the dresses in one at a time. How

do you know?

I've heard.

What are we whispering for?

I don't know. This is just the place that you automatically whisper in. Come

sit down and shut up.

Good morning, ladies.

Good morning. How do you do? May I be of assistance?

Yes, I'd like to see a dress, please. Size 12.

Certainly. Oh, and an original.

Wait till the girls back home find out I bought a dress from here. Oh, Jane,

Sebastian will be absolutely green.

Of course she'll pretend she doesn't notice it.

Listen, she'll notice this Don Loper label if I have to wear the dress wrong

side out.

This creation is one of Mr. Loper's newest.

Notice the dropped waistline?

And a simple neck that's designed to be worn with dozens of strands of beads.

Oh, yes, I could wear that with my... Oh, yes,

it's lovely.

Yes, it's not quite what I had in mind, though.

Close, but not quite.

Could I see something else, please?

Why, certainly.

You didn't ask her the price.

Ethel, you don't ask the price in a place like this. You don't? Of course

You wait till they turn their back and you sneak a look at the price.

What's the matter?

I got my ring caught on something.

This is one of the smartest dresses in the whole collection.

Oh, it's lovely, isn't it, Ethel? Oh, yes, it's very nice.

It's imported material, of course.

Of course.

Just for you.

Oh,

yes, that is a nice piece of goods.

If you'd like to try it on, you can step right into the dressing room. No, no,

I'd rather not try any on just yet. I'd like to see a few more first. Oh, I

certainly can.

Oh! Let me take that out of your way. No, no, I'm still considering this one,

you don't mind.

Very well. Thank you.

Help me.

What's it caught on? The price tag.

There it is.

Help!

$500.

It can't be.

But it is.

Well, back to Gimble's basement.

Oh, this is my only chance to get a Don Loper original. It's your chance to get

a black eye from Ricky, too.

It won't be this expensive.

This is probably high price because it's so fancy. I'll ask you for something

plainer and simpler.

Oh, I think you're just asking for trouble.

Well, let me worry about that, will you?

Here's something you might like.

This color would be stunning with your hair.

Oh, really?

It's very nice.

But, you know, I've been thinking, I think I'd like to see something simpler

plainer and cheaper.

She means deeper, deeper in the neckline.

Deeper than this?

Oh, well, could I see something else?

Certainly.

I'm sorry. Mrs.

McRae. Is Mr. Loper in? Certainly. I'll tell him you're here. Thank you.

We're going to get to see Don Loper.

Not only that, but do you know who that is?

No. Who?

Gordon McRae's wife.

Oh, of course it is. I've seen dozens of pictures of her.

She was an actress and she gave up her career to have a family.

That's right. Just like me.

Good morning, Sheila.

I'm very well, darling. You're looking enormously pretty today. Thank you.

How's our fashion show coming out? Oh, darling, it's wonderful.

You know, I think it's going to be the best fashion show we've ever had.

Well, I hope so because we put an enormous amount of effort behind it. You

I'd like to check some of the last minute details with you. All right. Now,

everybody been in for a fitting?

I don't really know, darling. Let me go and see the list and I'll check with

you. You know what they're talking about?

No, what? I read about it in the paper. They're having a fashion show here and

the proceeds go to a charity called Cher Incorporated.

and it's made up of movie stars' wives, and the movie stars' wives are going to

be wearing the clothes. No kidding.

No, I have it, dear.

Well, it turns out that Mrs. Dean Martin's been in.

Mrs. Dean Martin. Mrs. Bart Tucker.

Mrs. Van Heflin.

Mrs. William Holden.

Mrs. Richard Carlson.

Everybody but Mrs. Joel McRae.

I forgot.

Frances can't come. She's leaving for Europe. She phoned me.

Well, this is a fine time to tell me, darling. The show is tomorrow.

Oh, Don, who are we going to get to take her place?

It has to be the wife of a star. The publicity's out.

Yeah, I don't even know who's left in town.

Uh, pardon me.

Could I use your phone, please?

Oh, please make my phone yours.

Oh.

Hello,

is this MGM?

I'd like to speak to Mr. Ricky Ricardo, please, the star of Don Juan.

Yes, this is Mrs. Ricardo, the star's wife.

Mrs. Ricky Ricardo, wife of the movie star.

Ricky Ricardo.

Yes. Oh?

Oh, he isn't there.

Oh, well, would you give him a message, please?

Would you be so kind as to tell him that I've been detained at the Don Loper

Ceylon? Thank you very much.

that was a subtle performance.

This is about the simplest dress I could find.

We call it Looper's Basic Dress. You can accessorize it beautifully.

Well, accessorization is what she's really looking for.

I couldn't help overhearing your telephone conversation.

Oh? You are Mrs. Ricky Ricardo, aren't you? Oh, yes.

Well, I'm Sheila McRae.

Oh, how do you do? How do you do?

Mrs. Gordon McRae, Mrs. Fred Mertz. How do you do? How do you do?

We've been reading a lot about your husband lately. Oh, yes, he has been

quite a bit of publicity, hasn't he?

You know, I know this is awfully short notice, but we're having a fashion show

for charity. Oh. And the wives of the stars are going to model the gown. Oh,

nice. And one of the girls dropped out. I'd love to.

I beg your pardon?

Weren't you going to ask me to be in it?

Oh, yes, I was. I'd love to.

Good.

Which one of these did you buy?

That one.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Don!

Yes, Sheila. How can I be of service?

Mrs. Ricardo, this is Mr.

Don Lopez.

How do you do, Mrs. Ricardo? Welcome to my house. Oh, well, thank you. I'd have

been here sooner, but I'm from the east, New York City.

Upper.

Well, I'm so pleased to see that you're in Hollywood. You make our city so much

prettier. Oh, Mr.

Loper, this is Mrs. Fred Mertz.

How do you do, Mrs. Mertz? Oh, Mr. Loper, hello.

What's our problem, Sheila?

Don, Mrs.

Riccardo has consented to help us out tomorrow in the fashion show.

Wonderful, Mrs. Riccardo. I'm very flattered. Well, I'd certainly be

And she's going to wear this.

And I'll tell you what, Amzie. Take Mrs. Riccardo to the fitting room, have it

fitted immediately, and we'll... Give it to you at noon. Oh, wonderful.

This way. Oh, yes, yes. Pardon me. Certainly.

Thank you. I'm delighted that you're going to be with us. I'm very delighted

that I...

Oh,

honestly.

Well, at least I've got a Don Loper dress.

Yes, with a Don... developer label and a mystery price tag. Oh, Ethel, don't try

to spoil things.

Well, I can't help it. It's just fantastic to me that you would buy a

walk out of the store and not know what it cost. Well, I was trapped. They

shoved me into a fitting room, they stuck some pins in me, and they grabbed

dress, and I didn't get a chance to look at the price tag. Why would you buy any

dress without looking at the price tag? Because I wanted to be in the fashion

show. I had to buy the dress. Well, why did you have to be in a fashion show?

What is this, 20 questions?

Well, a little plain dress like this couldn't cost more than $100.

Well, it better not cost more than $100, because that's all Richie said you

could spend. And if it's more than that, I'd hate to be around when he... It

can't be.

But it is.

Doesn't Loper know any other numbers but 5 -0 -0?

Oh, this is even worse than I thought.

A plain...

Simple little dress like this, $500?

I don't believe it. How are you going to explain the extra cost to Ricky? I

don't know.

I don't know. Well, you can't take it back. It's been altered.

Yeah, and when Ricky finds out about it, I'll be altered.

Well, there's just one thing to do.

What?

Aren't you going to stop me?

Why? I can't think of a better way out.

Well, it isn't high enough anyway.

Oh, dear.

Look, Ricky was going to let me spend a hundred.

And I'm going to do the fashion show.

So the publicity should be worth the extra four hundred.

Four hundred!

Oh, for heaven's sake, what am I going to do? How am I going to get out of

Oh, that shouldn't be difficult for an old escape artist like you.

Yeah. Yeah, I got to think.

I can't think of a thing. Oh, sure you can. No, I can't. Something's happened

my brain. It's all dried up.

Maybe you stayed out in that sun too long this morning. Oh, please, Ethel,

help.

That's it.

Ethel, that's the best idea you ever had. Thanks. What is it? The sun.

You know how easily I burn?

Yes. Well, I'm going down by the pool and stay there until I get red.

Not really burned, but just red enough so that I can pretend I'm in terrible

pain. Ricky wouldn't dare hit me in that condition.

Hey, that is a good idea I had. I better get out there. There isn't much sun

today. I thought you were going to go to Pomona with us. Oh, you go. I'll see

you later.

Honey, I'm home.

Ricky? Ricky, I've been waiting for you to come home. I want you to help me.

Maybe you could talk some sense into Fred.

What's the matter with him?

Oh, he wants to sell our apartment house in New York and buy an orange grove out

by Pomona.

So what's the matter with that?

You don't know anything about raising oranges. That's what's the matter with

that. So what? The oranges know what to do.

I think you better think about it twice.

Where's Lucy?

Lucy? Yes?

Honey!

overcast as I thought.

Oh, you poor little thing.

Hey, that gives me an idea. If the orange crop fails, I can raise tomatoes.

Honey, how did you get so... Oh!

Don't touch me.

Oh, sweetheart. Sit down, baby. Oh, no, I can't sit down. The back of my legs is

so burned, I can't bend my knees.

Well, how did it happen, honey? Did you fall asleep in the sun?

You feel sorry for me, don't you, dear?

Of course I do, sweetheart.

Well, I'll tell you how it happened.

I went to Don Loper's this morning and I bought a dress.

Oh, you bought a dress? Yeah, and it cost $500.

$500?

Don't tell me it was on sale. No, but... Well, then take it back.

But... But no buts. No buts.

I don't want any arguments about it. You've got to take the dress back.

And I don't want to hear one more word

about it.

I wasn't going to say anything.

Yeah, but you were thinking about saying something.

Mrs. Ricardo.

This is Mrs. Ricardo.

Oh, Mrs.

Ricardo, this is Don Loper. Oh, yes?

I've made a terrible mistake.

The dress you chose to wear in the fashion show is exactly like the one I

for Mrs. Ellen Ladd. And now she's decided that she wants to wear her own

in the show. Oh, well, that's all right, really, because... You're a living

doll. I'll tell you what I'm going to do, though. I've just designed a

tweed suit.

And it'll look wonderful on you, and if you'll wear that in the show, I'll give

you the dress you took home.

Give?

That's right.

For nothing?

Free.

F -R -E -E -E?

Exactly. Oh.

Oh, well, that's just wonderful. I'll see you at the fashion show. Goodbye.

Bye. Ethel, that was Don Loper.

And he says if I wear something else in the fashion show, he'll give me my dress

for nothing.

You can't be in a fashion show in that condition. Oh, yes, I can.

What are you going to wear, a coat of unguentine?

No, Ethel, I just got a...

And then when I come home, I can tell old Grumpy in there to relax and it

cost him a cent.

I'm indeed privileged and flattered that I was invited by Cher Incorporated to

show you my new collection of clothes called Facade.

And the clothes will be worn by the wives of some of our top stars in

May I present for your approval first?

The lovely Mrs. William Holden.

Mrs. Holden is wearing Heathcliff, a street suit of beige combed cashmere

Jacket is semi -fitted and a hip length and is lined in brown silk with a

taffeta to match the blouse.

Thank you, dear.

Next is the very, very pretty Mrs. Dean Martin.

Mrs. Martin is wearing a dancing costume called Baldini.

It's in re -embroidered lace and the coat is of Italian satin.

Next, the very glamorous Mrs.

Van Heflin.

Mrs. Heflin is wearing another dancing costume called Palmer.

This is in re -embroidered lace with sequin, and the coat is of violet satin.

And it is lined in colors of fuchsia and purple.

Next, the very pretty Mrs. Forrest Tucker.

Mrs.

Tucker is wearing a ball gown called Sonata.

This is a new color that I created this season called Pink Mink.

It's enchantedly laced, all re -embroidered in sequence.

And now the very lovely Mrs. Richard Carlson.

Mrs. Carlson's wearing another ball dress.

This is called Royal Scandal.

and St. Kelly Green, French pot de soie, with a back torso of pink roses.

And now we have somebody very

new to Hollywood. We're all delighted to have her.

And may I present at this time the lovely Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.

A new suit of imported Irish tweed.

This has the new three -quarter length jacket fitted at the waist with a

And you can see a very narrow skirt.

Carter, darling, excuse me. The collar is worn more this way.

Thank you very much.

Oh, did it, Ethel?

The dress is mine.

Oh, honey, you were just great. I was so proud of you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, gee, Ethel.

Look at it. Isn't it beautiful?

Oh, gosh.

I'm going to leave it right here. When Ricky comes home, I'm going to say, you

know, he'll just blow his top, and I'll say, relax, dear, it didn't cost you a

cent. Oh, boy, you better say that fast.

Hey, here's a note for you.

Oh, it's from Ricky.

Lucy, dearest, after you left to take your dress back, I got to thinking how

mean I acted when you were feeling so terrible.

So here's a check. Oh, go buy the dress back.

Love, Ricky.

$500.

Oh, that Cuban dreamboat.

Of course, you're going to give the check back to him.

What? And deprive him of the pleasure of making up? Oh, I wouldn't be that

cruel.

Sales Girl was played by Ainsley Strickland. Don Loper and the movie

wives played themselves.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.