Original subtitles

Thank you, my devoted public.

What brings you down here this time of day?

Hollywood call. I got the screen test.

No.

Hollywood called and I didn't get the screen test? No, Hollywood didn't call

it has nothing to do with the screen test.

Oh. I just happened to be downtown shopping and I thought I'd drop by and

you a letter that came this morning. Oh.

It's special delivery. I thought it might be important.

Well, that's very sweet of you, honey, but you could have called me over the

phone and read it to me.

Please, I do not approve of reading other people's mail.

Oh. Besides, it was all in Spanish.

Oh, it's from Mother.

Oh, what'd she say?

Oh, isn't this wonderful?

What?

Isn't that wonderful?

Wonderful? What'd she say?

I forgot.

You know, after all these years that I've been trying to get Mother to leave

Cuba... Yeah?

Well, she's finally coming to visit us. She is?

Yeah.

She is?

What's the matter, honey?

Gee, I'm kind of afraid to meet your mother after all these years. Oh, now,

don't be silly.

She says she'll be here next week sometime.

She'll wire us to tell us the exact time.

Ricky? Yeah?

Do you think she'll like me?

Oh, honey.

She'll love you just as much as I do.

I hope so.

Sure.

Mr. Ricardo, are you ready to audition the act?

Yeah, we're ready any time you're ready. Thank you. Okay.

Who's that?

Oh, Professor Bonanova. He's got a mind -reading act, and we might use him at

the club.

Does he really read people's minds? So he says.

Presenting Professor Bonanova, mind -reader extraordinaire.

about to witness the most amazing mind -reading feat of the century.

And now I'd like a volunteer from the audience, please.

Oh, thank you, madam.

Good!

Now, what's the date of your birth?

August 6th.

August 6th what?

August 6th period.

Would you tell me the year, too?

He's the mind reader. Let him tell you.

Professor, I'm thinking of a date.

A date.

A date.

The date is the 6th of August.

Why, Rick... Oh, you told him when my birthday was.

No, honey, I just met him.

Go on now, you told him.

Let's try something else.

Tell me something that no one else could possibly know.

All right. I know something that even Ricky doesn't know.

A nickname when I was in grade school.

I'm thinking of a name, Professor.

A name.

A nickname.

One she used when she was in grade school.

The name is Bird.

Why, that's fantastic.

Did you hear that?

Well, honey, push your eyes back into your head. He wasn't really reading your

mind. But he knew all those things.

I know.

They do it with electronics.

Electronics?

I think he means electronics. Oh.

Yeah, that's it. That's what I said. Yes, we do the act with a shortwave

You see?

Here is the receiver.

And I have the microphone here.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Then he really heard what I told him. Oh, of course.

Isn't that clever?

Well, Professor, it's a wonderful act. We'll buy it. You can start tomorrow

night. Fine.

Muchas gracias, señor Ricardo. Gracias. Adios.

Aren't they great?

They sure are.

Ricky. Yeah?

You really think your mother will like me?

Of course she will, honey.

She'll love you from the top of your pretty red head to the bottom of your

skinny bird legs.

Hi.

Hi.

Carne de puerco con chili verde.

What are you doing?

I'm going through this Cuban cookbook.

You know, according to Ricky, his mother thinks I'm the best cook and

housekeeper in the whole wide world.

Oh, brother.

Why's she coming?

I don't know. She's going to wire us ahead of time.

Well, when do you start the housecleaning?

Oh, I wasn't going to do anything special. The apartment's all clean.

Honey, your mother -in -law is coming.

Stand by for dust inspection.

Oh, Apple, you don't think Ricky's mother's coming all the way up from Cuba

to check on my housekeeping? Why not? Fred's mother comes all the way from

Indiana once a year just to look under my rug.

I thought she'd stay home. I'd send her the rug and a box of dirt.

Well, I don't think Ricky's mother's like that. Honey, a mother -in -law is a

mother -in -law. Don't take any chances.

Do you know what she'll do?

She'll open every drawer.

She'll go through all the closets. She'll go under the bed, over the

all...

Lucy! Lucy!

Lucy, she's here! She's here!

Who's here? Ricky's mother. I just saw her getting out of the cab.

How do you know it's Ricky's mother? She tried to pay the cab driver in pesos.

Looks like those pictures you showed me. Well, here. Help me put this stuff back

in the closet. Oh, you must be playing.

This is the way it always is.

They tell you they'll let you know when they're coming. They never do.

You find out. I've had a lot of fun.

Aren't you glad I stayed up? We didn't expect it for a week. Oh, it always be

like this.

Oh, my gosh.

Here, take this.

Lucita? Yes?

Oh, Mother Ricardo, we didn't expect you so soon. We didn't get a wire saying

you were arriving or anything.

I'm sorry.

I was just cleaning up the house, and I'm a mess, and the place is a mess.

Oh, I wanted everything to be so nice when you got here.

What?

sleeping.

He's sleeping, sleeping.

Ay, que lastima.

Oh, do you want to see him?

think he's pretty nice. Thank you very much.

Have you any idea when you expect it?

No, well, no, no message. Thank you.

Excuse me, I'll fix my dinner.

Dinner? Fix dinner?

Eat dinner?

Ah,

comida, comida.

Vas a hacer la comida.

Yeah, well, all right.

Oh, I knew that.

¿Cuándo llegaste?

Aterrizamos a las dos.

Mandé un cable de La Habana, pero llegó después que yo.

¿El cable llegó después que tú? Sí.

¿Cómo te gusta mi mujer? ¿Cómo te gusta Lucy?

Dile a Lucy que es exactamente lo que yo me esperaba.

¿Sí? Mother says that you're just the way she picture you.

You tell her she's just like I pictured her. She looks just like you.

Lucy dice que tú y yo nos parecemos.

Gracias.

Mother says, thank you.

You are welcome.

Lucy dice, no hay de qué.

Y le dice que mi nieto parece un angelito.

She says that little Rick looks just like an angel.

Gracias.

Lucy says, thank you.

Mama dice, no hay de qué.

I got my fingers crossed. I'm talking to you in Spanish. I don't get your

mother. You got your wires.

My wires. Something crossed. I don't know what was.

Hey, what's burning, honey?

My dinner.

Your dinner? My oven.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

a little charcoal taste. That's good.

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing in particular. Why?

Want to run away with me?

Run away?

What's the matter?

Oh, Ethel, I haven't done anything right since Ricky's mother came to visit us.

face and I burned the dinner.

Yes, I know. And then the next day I took her shopping and I lost her in the

subway.

But someone turned her into lost and found.

Sure.

She must think I'm an awful dope.

I wouldn't be surprised if she had our marriage, you know.

Nothing that's happened's been your fault.

Now you march back in there. No, I can't. Why not?

coming over to see her tonight, and I offered to press her dress for... Well?

After the annulment, you can come and live with us.

I didn't mean it, honey. I was only joking.

Please, don't make jokes.

You're the only English -speaking friend I've got.

I just wish there was some way that I could walk into that group tonight

Start speaking Spanish.

Well, you could always get the party down at the United Nations and use their

earphones and an interpreter.

Oh, sure.

Oh, honey, you've got to get a hold of yourself. I never saw you so upset. Hey!

What? You have given me a tremendous idea.

Oh, honey, I'm sure the United Nations has more important things to do.

No!

No, there's a new act out at the club, and they use hidden earphones and a

hidden microphone.

I could borrow the earphones and somebody could be in the kitchen telling

what to say in Spanish.

Don't look at me. I don't speak Spanish.

No, no, but that professor does. I'm going to call him and ask him if he'll

me.

Ricky and his mother went down to pick up the guests. They're not back yet.

look. Can you see that?

No. Does it show in my ear? No, no, no. That's all right. Can you see the wire?

No, I don't. That's fine. Okay.

Are you sure Mrs. Merz will let me know if my phone call comes in? Oh, sure.

She'll tell you as soon as she gets it. What's so important?

Well, it's my daughter.

Tonight I may become an abuelo.

What? Abuelo.

Grandfather. And I want to know what happens.

Well, of course. Yes, you do.

Congratulations. Don't worry. She'll call you. Now, you watch through here,

listen to what they say, and tell me what to say in Spanish. Don't worry. All

right, go slowly. Go slowly. Want to try it once?

Yeah.

Okay, say something.

Muy bien.

Gracias. Muy bien.

Gracias. Hey, that's perfect.

Here they come. Shut down.

Well,

I was out taking a Spanish lesson. Spanish lesson?

I want to be able to talk to your mother and her friends.

Well, honey, that's awfully sweet, but I don't think you can learn in one

lesson. Well, I don't know.

fast, you know.

Well, I want you to meet our friends. Quiero que conozcan a mi señora.

El señor y la señora Hoyos. Mi señora Lucy.

Mucho gusto saludarla, señora Ricardo.

Say, mucho gusto.

Mucho gusto.

Mucho gusto, señora. Mucho gusto.

Hey, you did learn something.

You did learn something.

Yo, hijo.

Yeah.

Funny.

I think that's wonderful.

Yo sé una que...

She says that it's amazing how soon you learn. Say gracias.

Gracias.

You mean to tell me that you understood everything that mother said? Si.

He says it must be wonderful to meet your mother -in -law.

He also wants to know how long you've been married.

Nod your head so I will know. Ten years?

Twelve?

Thirteen years?

Trece años.

Trece años.

It's a boy.

It's a boy.

Now, tú sabes perfectamente bien que tú no hablas una palabra de español.

¿Con qué cuento te traes tú?

Buenas noches, amigos.

Sleepy Martha, mamacita.

Si, gracias, Lucita.

Laito.

Lucy, I like a cigarette.

All right, dear.

You come right in here.

Look, I don't get this. You don't speak Spanish. Well, the professor was here,

but he had to go away.

Oh. She was only doing this so your mother would like her better.

Adios.

What are you trying to do?

Well, I... ¿Qué está sucediendo, Ricky?

Mamá, Lucy estaba conectada aquí con este micrófono y el profesor Buenanova

estaba traduciendo todo para ella poder hablar con ustedes allá.

Qué graciosa es tu mujer.

Imagínate, meterse en tanto lío nomás para divertirme a mí.

Well, now I've heard everything.

What? She thinks that you're just wonderful to go through all this trouble

to please her.

Mama Seeker!

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.