Original subtitles

Well, the baby's down to sleep.

I'll get Mr. Trumbull. We can go to the movies.

Where are the fellas?

Out in the hall.

Playing golf again?

Yeah, they're practicing chip shots, whatever they are.

Oh, dear. I was hoping we could get out of here before they started that. Golf,

golf, golf. That's all they think about anymore.

It's all your fault.

My fault?

Yes, if you hadn't gotten those clubs for Ricky for his anniversary present,

they never would have taken it up. You're right. I wanted to find him a

If I'd known this was going to happen, I'd have gotten him an embroidery set.

Well, I'll put an end to this.

do? It's only a ping -pong ball. Well, come on now. We're going to go to the

movies. Well, he better be a good picture.

Marriage certainly does strange things to a man. This is the same man who used

to say, who cares about the picture? Let's just sit in the balcony and

Never mind. I know just how you feel, Lucy. Oh, no, that's all. It's true,

It's been years since we sat in a movie with your arm around my waist. It's been

years since my arm reached around your waist.

Face it, Ethel. We're not exciting anymore. Golf is.

Oh, it is not that. It's that we're playing our first tournament this week.

National Golf Day. And we just want to be good. That's all.

Yeah, well, right now we're going to the movies. Now put those clubs away.

All right. Rick, tomorrow I'll start working on that back with the right hip

first thing.

Yeah. What do you mean right hip first?

Left hip. How can you start back with the left hip when it's way around here?

Oh, now look, Fred. Come here. Will you look? I'll watch. I'll watch.

Now, address the ball, right? Yes. Now, your weight is divided evenly, right?

Yes. All right, go back now. Ricky, Fred.

Ricky, Fred.

Now, just a minute. Will you relax? This is very important.

That's it, Jen.

Oh.

What's the score?

15 games for you, 22 for me.

Gee, it's too bad. It was such a good picture, too.

You know, we're going to have to do something about this golf business. What

you have in mind?

Well, we could fight hobby with hobby.

We could get interested in something and drive them crazy.

Good. Now, what'll it be?

How about men?

I mean a game we can play, something we can talk about all the time and practice

around the house.

Let's see.

Tennis.

Bowling. Swimming.

Catch on to your putting grips. I don't think it's a grip.

What's going on here?

Well, we decided to take up a sport.

Yeah. You know, one to occupy all our time. One that we can practice all day

and talk about all night until everybody's bored to tears.

Well, I think that that is a splendid idea.

Now that you have your own sport, you will realize why we like golf so much.

That makes it work out perfectly.

Sure.

into your apartment and practice that potting that you're talking about. All

right.

So long, bloomer girls.

I'm in.

Well, the game's over and we lost.

Should we turn in our suits and go to the showers?

Maybe we should have taken up golf. At least we get to see him once in a while.

Yeah.

Hey, why not?

Why not what? Why not take up golf? Fred and Ricky are just starting to play.

They won't mind us being beginners, too.

Oh, Ethel, I don't know. Oh, now, it's just perfect. There are two of us and

of them. We'll make a foursome.

I have an idea. There's one time that two and two will not make four.

Oh, now, Lucy, I've heard him say dozens of times how hard it is to get up a

foursome.

Gee, that's right. We'd really...

Here, Fred. We have something to tell you.

Something that's going to surprise you.

Yeah. Please, you. We're going to give up basketball.

Here's the rule, Fred.

We're going to take up golf.

Isn't that wonderful?

Now you won't have any trouble getting up a foursome.

Well, you can't play golf with us. Why not?

Well...

It's against the law?

It is not.

Well, uh, Mamie doesn't play.

Oh, that's all settled. We're going to play golf.

Yeah, and you and Frank can teach us. That way we can play and learn at the

time.

Won't that be fun?

Hey, Rick, that's a pretty good -looking swing.

Oh, I can hit little pieces of cellophane and dandelions all day long.

You put a ball in front of me, that's when I freeze up. You'll get it all

Say, where are the girls?

Oh, you know how they are. It takes them a long time to change clothes.

They're only changing shoes.

Yeah, you know something?

We might have made a terrible mistake teaching our wives how to play golf.

No, everything will work out all right. You know, they'll play with us for a

couple of days. They won't be any good at it.

They'll get discouraged and they'll quit.

Well, supposing they don't get discouraged.

Suppose they may like it real well and get good at it.

Then what are we going to do?

Then we'll kill ourselves.

I'm with you.

And you know, maybe you're right.

Maybe they will like it.

Maybe they won't want to quit.

We've got to protect ourselves.

But how?

They don't know anything about this game, do they? I don't think so.

Anything that we tell them, they'll believe. I don't think so.

Well, suppose that we make up a game that is so complicated and so confusing

that they'll want to quit.

We can make up our own rules.

There's an idea.

That's what we're going to do.

Here they come. Now, look.

Just go along with whatever I do and say. And if you think of something good,

throw it in. I'm with you. Okay.

You want to play golf all the time. Oh, the air smells so fresh and it's so

clean out here. I'm going to like golf.

Gee, I'm going to make a babysitting deal with Mrs. Trumbull and then we can

play every day.

Sure.

Well, let's get started. Uh, yeah. Right on there, honey. Okay.

Get ready now. Right on that bench, Ethel. That's right.

Are you ready, everybody?

Yeah. Pratt.

Hoop.

Lucy.

What's this, Ethel?

To see who goes first.

Oh.

Well, Lucy goes first.

How do you figure that?

The fourth one down from the top goes first.

Oh.

Now, what club do I use? What are you saying?

What club do I use? What club?

Let me see now. What club?

I think a stymie would be right, don't you, French?

Well, unless you want to use a niblick.

A niblick. That sounds like something you made up.

I'll use a stymie, dear. Good, good.

That's the stymie right there. Okay.

Now, don't get in their way. Now, give the player room. Now, give the player

room. All right. Where's the ball?

Oh, honey.

Honey, if you don't know how to hold the club, why didn't you ask me?

Oh, well, I... That's what we're here for, to teach you. Well, I didn't want

appear too ignorant. Oh, that's all right, honey. You'll be doing all right.

Now, look. I'll show you, see?

Put your club right here, like this.

Now, get your hands here.

Now, interlock all your fingers like that, see?

Now, fall your thumbs under.

Now, go ahead and grip the club.

I feel kind of uncomfortable. You sure

it's right?

Well, it's uncomfortable for everybody at first, but she'll give you to it.

Sure. Okay, where's the ball?

Oh, yes, I'll give you a ball.

Oh, Fred, I don't have any divots. Have you got a divot, will you?

That's a divot, yeah.

There you go.

Like so.

Now, go ahead.

She forgot to say may I.

I didn't know.

Now, look, honey. As long as you're going to play the game, you might as

learn it correctly from the very beginning. Yeah, I want to learn the

All right. Now, when you forget to say may I before you hit the ball.

It's a penalty.

Oh. You lose ten points, and you have to take one giant step forward with your

right leg only.

One giant step forward, right leg only. Right.

As you were. It's not hard at all, is it? Here, I'll show you. I know how I

watch it. Oh, excuse me.

That's right. That's right. She knows.

Oh.

I forgot.

May I?

Be my guest.

No, no, no, no, no.

What'd I do?

Why, you can't do a normal stymie after your partner has dormied.

What's the matter with you? Are you trying to get us thrown off the golf

Well, I didn't know.

Ricky. Yes, sir?

Permission to shoot out of turn, please.

Permission granted.

version. Yeah, you heard about it.

One,

two, three, kick the ball, yeah.

If he gets to ten, you're out.

Now it's your turn, Rick.

My turn? Yes. What are you talking about? She kicked the ball before I

to ten so I don't get to drive in this hole.

Now, let's see.

Lucy shot first, and her ball went farther down the fairway than the third

player's ball, so...

I should say they are.

Come on, girls, hurry up. They approach very well. I'll say they do.

That's it, that's it, that's it, that's it.

Oh, well, how did we do?

Well, it only took us one hour and a half to get to the first green.

Well, that ought to be some kind of a record. I would say so, yeah.

Well, now we all put our balls into the little cup here. Yeah. Oh.

Uh -oh.

What's the matter?

Lucy's ball is not on the green. Oh, is that my ball?

Ah!

Never, never, never touch your ball unless it's a dormie.

Oh, well, I didn't know.

Well, I'm sorry, but you get a mashie for a penalty.

What's a mashie? This is a mashie.

That's nice, yeah.

Now we all put our balls into the cup. All right. Now, here's your putter.

Here's your putter. There's your ball in the corner. Right there.

Take the flatten out hand.

Rick? Yeah?

Do we all go at once?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we all go at once. Sure, that's the reason they say this game's so much

like hockey.

That's right.

Now, you see, the idea of putting here is that you try to get your ball in the

cup. And at the same time, you try to keep the other players' ball from

into the cup. Okay.

Now I'll count to three and we all go. All right. Are you ready? Yep.

One, two.

I hit my ball farther than Fred did.

We told him we wanted to learn how to play right.

What are you complaining about? I had to carry the bags.

I wonder where the fellas are.

I haven't seen them since Fred hit his ball into the woods.

Well, how many strokes did you take on that hole?

Six. Lucy.

Well, 26. What's the difference?

How many did you take?

30. Yeah.

I'll just put down seven for each of us.

Penalty is for that.

I think while I'm waiting, I'll practice that stroke Ricky was trying to teach

me. Which one?

You know, the one that you use when you're between 47 and 63 yards from the

green, the hop, skip, and the jump shot.

This grip's beginning to feel a lot better.

Hello. Hi.

Hello.

You mind if I go through?

Go through what?

Well, I was behind you and playing by myself.

Oh, you want to join us? Oh, sure. I'm Lucy Ricardo and this is Ethel Mertz.

What's your name? I'm Jimmy DeMeritt.

Jimmy DeMeritt? Jimmy DeMeritt? Oh, for heaven's sake, we've heard so much about

you. Listen, we're just learning.

You sure you won't mind playing with us?

Oh, not at all. Oh, well, fine then. Let's get started.

Let's see who goes first.

Oh, ladies always first. Oh, no, no, we have to choose up Here you are, Jim

Come on You go first, Jim, you're second from the

top

Well, go ahead.

Well, that was pretty dull.

Well, what was that? Stand there and hit the ball? Anybody could do that.

I thought at least you were going to use an over -the -shoulder, left -handed

whirling stymie, didn't you?

on the green.

You sure you're playing golf?

Sure, sure.

Well, who taught you to play like that? Our husbands taught us, yeah.

You mean this choose upside and may I and hop, skip and a jump business?

Yeah.

Isn't that the way you play?

Well, uh, not exactly.

Well, for heaven's sake.

There's a rotten... Cuban in Denmark.

And he's got a fat friend.

What a dirty trick.

Would I like to get even with them? Oh, I can see us playing leapfrog out there.

What? No wonder there's a hundred people watching us.

Oh, Lucy.

I know how we can get even with them. They're in that big tournament tomorrow.

That's our big chance.

Yeah? Jimmy, will you help us?

May I?

Ladies and gentlemen, the next threesome on the tee will be amateurs Ricky

Ricardo and Fred Mertz of New York City.

And from the Concord Hotel at Lake Kiomisha, New York, three times winner

Masters at Augusta, Georgia, Jimmy DeMeritt.

Did you hear who we're playing with?

Boy, did I. Jimmy DeMeritt. Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. I won't be able

to play at all in front of him.

Well, he'll know we're just beginners.

He had to start himself one time, you know.

No need in being nervous.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I just hope I remember the rules after that silly game we played with the

Yeah, that was kind of nasty, wasn't it? Now, don't knock it. At least we got

rid of them. Yeah.

Isn't that Jimmy DeMar?

Yeah. Oh, please, please, just let me hit the ball. I don't care where it

Just let me hit it.

Hello. Hello, Mr. DeMar. I'm Ricky Ricardo, and this is Fred Mertz. Nice to

you. Hi, Jimmy.

Sure. A great pleasure and an honor playing with you, sir. Well, it's my

pleasure. Thank you.

Our caddies are not here yet. They said that there was something, a couple of

the caddies got sick and they had to replace them. I think these are your

caddies coming here now. Oh, I see.

What are you doing here? What is this?

Where are your caddies? Yep.

Well, are you all ready?

Shall we go?

Yep. Step aside, bud. Got to pick Mr. Ricardo's club.

This is the one, Bob.

If you don't mind, I'll use this.

Now, Lucy, I don't know what you're doing, but whatever it is, do it later.

You know who we're playing with?

Who? Jimmy DeMeritt.

Jimmy DeMeritt?

in a jump, huh?

Now, I think you ought to take three giant steps and kick the bogey.

Massey! He touched it!

Massey!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mrs. DeMaria.

It's some kind of a joke or something. I assure you it will never happen again.

That's all right. All right. Will it, dear?

May

I?

The tournament chairman was Louie Nicoletti, and Jimmy DeMeritt portrayed

himself.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.