Original subtitles

Wait, did a man come in here or anything like that? Did you see anybody? Did you

see anybody on the fire?

What do you mean? What are you talking about?

There's been a robbery in the neighborhood. A robbery? Well, get the

the police.

Oh, you're a police.

That's all right, Mrs., uh... Ricardo.

Mrs. Ricardo, did you see anyone?

No, I was asleep.

Who else lives here?

Well, my husband, he's still working at the club, and my little baby's asleep in

the nursery.

I'll check the premises.

Oh, well... A robbery right here, right here in the building? Oh, it just gives

me goose pimples. Well, gee, at least you got Fred to protect you.

Protect me?

The minute he heard about it, he ran and hid.

I was not hiding. I was looking for something to hit him with.

Under the bed?

Oh, it was awful, Lucy. I can't see what's going on.

Officer, please don't wake up the baby.

Ackerman's apartment across the street. They came home and scared the burglar

and he went down the fire escape. No kidding!

Yeah, and then they saw him run across the street and right into this building.

Are you sure? Well, yes.

We've checked everywhere.

So I guess she's given us the slip again. Oh, that's too... She?

Isn't it a man?

We think the person who's been pulling all these jobs in the neighborhood

is a woman.

What makes you think it's a woman? We suspected it at first.

But tonight, the Ackerman's report...

How? Just before entering this building, they saw the robber stop and take a

hitch at her girdle.

Have you any idea who she is? No, the only thing we've got to go on are

fingerprints. But the boys on the force call her Madam X.

Madam X?

How do you like that?

Well, thanks, folks, for your cooperation.

Madam X strikes again.

The mysterious...

woman burglar added another to her long list of robberies last night.

Oh, boy, that's exciting.

It isn't every day we have a robbery and get our names in the paper.

What do you mean, our names in the paper? Right here. The police questioned

the tenants. That's us.

I caught it out and put it in my scrapbook. Well, it is exciting.

Have you seen the news? Have you seen the mirror? Look at that.

Oh.

Oh, the news is more sensational. Yeah, but the mirror gives it more space.

Isn't it scary?

I want you to have new locks put on every door in this building. A child

open the old ones. I can't afford it.

I'll buy them.

With what?

Oh, I've managed to save a little out of that miserable pittance you give me.

Okay, then buy the locks.

All right.

I was going to buy you a birthday present with that money.

Oh, fine.

Oh, Fred, I didn't know you had a birthday coming up.

What is it, Fred? Wig from Thursday.

How old are you going to be?

Did you hear about the big robbery last night?

Come on, Fred. Don't be bashful. How old are you? Well, I'll make a deal. I'll

tell how old I am if you'll tell how old you are.

I was a big robbery man.

Come on, birthday boy. Let's go count how many locks we have to buy.

New door locks for Fred.

New door locks for Fred. New door locks for Fred.

Gee, I'm glad we found... It's not about Fred's birthday. What do we get him?

How about some keys to go with the locks?

Seriously, we have to get him something nice.

Hey, I know.

A tweed suit.

A tweed suit?

Yeah.

He's always wanted a suit from my tailors, a tweed one.

Oh, a tweed suit. Oh, he'd love that.

Well, I'll tell you what. I'll make an appointment for him to go to the tailors

today. Oh, no, that's no fun. That won't be a surprise.

Well, honey, they have to know his measurements.

They do?

They do, unless you want to give him a tweed nightshirt.

Oh, dear.

Let's see.

Oh, why don't you get one of his old suits from Ethel, and then the Taylors

get the makes themselves of that? No, she's such a blabbermouth. She'd tell

Well, I don't know how we're going to get it, then. I know. I'll sneak in and

get one of his old suits out of the closet without either one of them

it.

Be sure they don't catch you.

Well, I won't if you keep him busy. Call him up and get him over here on some

pretext. Okay.

I'll get him over on some pretext.

What's a pretext?

Well, it's when you want someone to do something, but you don't want them to

know that you want them to do that particular something. So you make up

something else.

Then they think they're just doing something else, but in reality, they're

the something that you want them to do, but don't want them to know that you

want them to do.

What?

Look, I'll show you what I mean.

Oh, wait a minute. Forget the pretext. They're out around the building counting

locks. I'll go get it right now. Okay.

Mrs. Mertz, here's the check for my rent. Oh, thanks.

My, we certainly had a lot of excitement around here last night, didn't we? I'll

say we did.

Are we alone?

Well, yes.

Fred's out in the kitchen, but he can't hear us. Why?

Mrs. Mertz, I know something.

About the robbery?

Yes.

And I've got to tell somebody.

Oh, you can trust me, Mrs. Trumbull.

Well, I may be wrong, but I think there's a chance that Madam X may be

who lives in our building.

In this building?

What makes you think so?

Well, they say Madam X is a woman who wears men's clothes. Yes, yes. They saw

her come in here, and they didn't see her go out. Yes. Now, I know I'm wrong.

I know there's a logical explanation, but... But what? But what?

I saw someone sneaking out of your

apartment with a man's suit.

Who?

Lucy Ricardo.

Lucy? Going out of this apartment?

Sneaking along the hall.

Oh, my goodness.

Lucy. Oh, Mrs. Trumbull. Oh, what are we saying?

I know there's a logical explanation, but what is it? Oh, Mrs. Trumbull, I'm

surprised at you suspecting Lucy of all people. Well, I said I knew I was wrong.

Well, I should say so. Oh, I'm ashamed of the two of us just standing here

talking like this. Oh, so am I.

Just forget I ever mentioned it. Oh, consider it forgotten.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Lucy who?

Lucy Ricardo.

And what's more, she's pulling all those jobs wearing your suit.

I've been waiting for this.

Your brain has gone bye -bye.

Oh, is that so?

Well, Mrs. Trumbull said she saw Lucy sneaking out of this apartment carrying

one of your suits.

I don't believe it. Well, I'll just look and see.

Uh -huh.

Your gray suit is gone.

So she took one of my suits.

Ethel, there's a hundred reasons why Lucy could take one of my suits. Name a

few.

Well, it could have been... Well, she might have had a...

So Lucy's Madam X.

Uh -huh.

Now, listen, we've got to get a hold of ourselves. We're standing here accusing

Lucy of being a crook. I know it. I know it.

We've got to prove that Lucy's innocent for her sake and ours. But how?

After Ricky goes to work tonight, we'll watch her and see what she does.

We'll go up on the roof and come down the fire escape and watch her through

window. What'll that prove?

Well, if she doesn't put on your suit and go out and come back later with a

full of loot, then she isn't Madam X.

That won't prove anything. Even a crook has a night off.

Then we'll stay out there till we prove that Lucy's innocent.

All right.

Besides, if she is Madam X, you and I better know about it.

What's she doing now?

She must be going to crack a safe tonight.

She's sandpaper in the ends of her fingers.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

I was wrong.

She's using an emery board on her nails.

Come on, Sherlock.

Let's go back to headquarters and forget it. Forget it? We've only been here an

hour. I'm cold. I want to go home. Well, go ahead. Leave me your coat, will you?

Yes.

Here,

put this on.

Put my hat on, too.

Now, don't hang around here too long.

I won't. Just long enough to clear the name of my good friend, Madam X.

Oh, Lucy!

wake you up, honey.

I'm going to take you over to Ann Ethel's. That might have been Madame X

fire escape.

How's money for the week, honey?

Now, put it away. Don't lose it.

Now, look, Lucy, you got to stop even thinking that Ethel is Madame X. I know,

but after what I saw...

What was she doing out there on that fire escape wearing a man's hat and

Well, there must be a good reason for it. I'd like nothing better than to find

good reason. I've been thinking and thinking and I can't find one.

Well, now, you don't really think that Ethel is not an egg. Of course not. But

how can I prove it?

Well, why don't you just ask her about it?

Oh, sure. What am I going to say? Hi, Ethel. Robbed any good apartments

You know what I mean. Tell her that you saw her out in the fire escape.

Oh, I can't do that. Why not?

If she's not Madame X, she'll tell you when she was out there.

And if she is, she'll shoot me.

Oh, we gotta be clever about this, Ricky.

What do the police do when they suspect someone?

Oh, well, they got a whole routine.

What kind of a routine?

Well, you know, they got clues, fingerprints, telltale evidences.

Fingerprints? We'll try to get out those... fingerprints on something. This

silver cigarette case of yours would be just perfect.

This will just be perfect.

Now, let's see. We can serve drinks, maybe get fingerprints on the glasses,

Okay, I'll make some lemonade or something.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Just serve two drinks.

Just two? Yeah. Now, we won't touch a thing. That way, all the fingerprints

be theirs.

Now,

keep your

eyes peeled for clues while we're over there.

Hey. If you could get Lucy to choke you, we'd have her fingerprints on your

neck.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Yeah, I like it. I don't mean the choking part.

We'll try and get her fingerprints on something. All right.

Now, while we're over there, we won't touch a thing. And any fingerprints will

be theirs.

All right, come on, let's go.

last year.

Oh, you've seen it before, huh?

Yeah. Oh.

You want to see it again?

No.

Oh.

Uh, look inside. You haven't seen the inscription, have you?

You mean the one that says, uh, Merry Christmas to the boss from the boys,

I know.

to reduce. If anything, I'd say you were underweight.

Have you been to Inoculus lately?

Come on, Ethel.

Have one. Come on.

Here.

No, I'm not thirsty anyway.

Oh,

don't let that keep you from having one, honey. You have one.

Okay.

She deliberately kept from putting her fingers on anything.

Yeah. How about that, huh?

How about that?

I got them. I got them. I got her fingerprint.

On that silver cigarette case.

Oh, pretty slick, huh?

Now, all I got to do is take this down to the police station and compare these

with Madam X's.

I'll go get my coat on. All right.

that with her bare hands and didn't leave a print on it.

How about that?

Honey, I'm late for the club already. I'll see you later. Ricky, have you got

your silver cigarette case?

No. Why?

Well, I left it right here someplace and I just can't understand... Ethel swiped

your cigarette case.

She really...

Now, we got to do something about this. Well, I don't know what you're going to

do, but I got to go. Good night, honey. Listen, Ricky, now I got an idea.

I'm going to call Ethel and I'm going to tell her that I'm going to take the

baby over to Mrs. Trumbull's apartment and that I'm going down to the club with

you tonight.

Why? Well, that way she'll think the apartment is empty and if she wants to

really rob it, she can.

And then I'll hide in here and I'll catch her red -handed and maybe I can

her out of this life of crime.

Oh, now, look, honey, why don't you get a good...

all these crazy schemes. They're not crazy schemes. Yes, they are.

Now, good night, dear.

Good night, dear.

were thinking of dropping over again tonight, I just wanted you to know that

wouldn't be home.

Why, Ethel, mercy.

were. I was?

How'd you get that idea?

Where'd you get the idea I was?

Mrs. Trumbull said she saw you sneaking out of our apartment carrying one of

Fred's suits.

Oh, that was for a model. Ricky was going to give Fred a suit for his

was played by Elizabeth Patterson. Madam X was Alice Will, and the policeman was

Alan Jenkins.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.

This is the CBS Television Network.