Original subtitles

Honey, I think that tomorrow...

I'm

sorry, honey.

What's the matter with you? Are you crazy or something? You want the baby to

keep us awake again tonight?

I'm sorry, dear. I guess I wasn't thinking. If I don't get some sleep

don't know what I'm going to do.

Well, honey, we'll keep our fingers crossed. Maybe we won't hear a peep out

him tonight.

Well, I hope not. And, honey, listen, if he does wake up, I'd certainly

appreciate it if you'd get up and take care of him.

Sure, honey, I will. Okay. Come on, let's go to bed.

What? Oh, Ricky.

I'm simply asking if the baby wake up that you get up and take care of him.

Well, honey, I know it's a lot of hard work taking care of the baby, but that's

what mothers are for.

Oh, and what are... father's for?

Well, the father is the breadwinner.

See, the father is supposed to get his rest at night so he can get up fresh in

the morning, go out into the world, and make money for his family.

You wouldn't tell me the rules before the game started.

The next time we have a baby, I get to be the father.

Now, don't try to be funny.

I'm not trying to be funny.

Isn't there some kind of a compromise?

Look, I'll tell you what. Maybe the baby won't cry at all. But if he does,

whoever hears him first will get up, keep him quiet so the other one can

Now, is that fair? All right. You got a deal. Okay. Come on, let's go to bed.

laughter

You out -snored me.

Ten o 'clock.

Oh, I gotta get your breakfast.

Honey, wait, honey.

Honey, please, don't... Don't worry about my breakfast. Come on, you gotta

some rest.

All right.

Listen, tonight I'm gonna make sure you go to bed real early.

No use trying to play tonight.

No. She's really bushed, isn't she?

Yes, I guess taking care of the house and the babies.

A little bit too much for her.

Well, taking care of a little baby is no easy job.

You know what I was thinking, Ethel? What?

I ought to get Lucy a maid.

A maid?

Oh, Ricky, that's wonderful.

Well, it's a big expense, but she can't go on this way.

So you're thinking of getting Lucy a maid, huh?

Hey, that idea might be a good thing for us, too.

Why, Fred, are you thinking of getting me a maid?

Nope, I'm thinking of hiring you out to the Ricardos.

Lucy, honey, wake up. Three no trump!

And, honey, you know what we just decided?

I'm going to get you a maid.

Isn't that wonderful, Lucy? A maid. I must still be asleep. I thought you said

you were going to get me a maid.

I did,

honey. You can't go on this way. You'll need some help.

about ten.

What do you mean, the first maid?

Well, honey, you have to talk to three or four of them before you can decide.

Oh, anybody the agency sends out ought to be all right.

Now, now, wait a minute, honey. I don't want you to get started wrong. I want

you to handle this like a real businesswoman.

Well... Well, you got to ask her questions. Find out something about her.

Oh, I don't know.

Honey, why don't you stay around and interview her? Well, I can't, honey. I

to go to rehearsal.

Well, I've never interviewed one before. What do I ask?

Well, you got to ask her where she worked before, why she left, if she's a

cook, if she knows how to serve.

She's got a catcher's mitt.

Well, couldn't I just hire her and hope that everything works out all right?

No, no, no, no. Wait a minute. Now, the most important thing on hiring anybody

is to establish the relationship right from the start. Oh.

You got to be firm.

Let her know who's working for who.

Yeah, don't give her too much time off.

Make sure that she understands what her hours are and what her duties are.

Be tough.

Well, what are you going to say?

Well, I... Here, you be the maid.

Now, first I want to get a look at you.

Yeah.

Now, I want you to understand just what kind of a job this is. It's no cinch.

You cook and clean, do the laundry and the ironing and help take care of the

baby. You have Thursdays off and Sunday afternoons only.

I expect you here at 8 o 'clock in the morning, and you mustn't leave until

after 8 .30 at night. Do you understand?

Hey, that was good. You were real firm. Well, it's the only way. You see, you

have to establish the relationship right from the start.

There she is. Well, I'll see you later. Now, be firm.

Yeah.

Good morning.

I'm from the employment agency.

Are you Mrs. Ricardo?

Yes.

Uh, there are a few things that I think that...

First, there are some things that I think we should discuss. That's

right. Now, I must have Wednesday afternoons off. And every weekend.

I can't possibly... come before nine in the morning and I must leave before

seven at night.

Oh. Of course, you have an automatic dishwasher.

No, we don't.

A dryer?

No.

Uh, but we have a... We have a garbage disposal and a washing machine.

Well... And a television set.

21 -inch screen.

I'll take the job. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

May I help you off with your coat?

Yes.

Yes. Well, now I'll see what I've gotten myself into. Oh, yes. Go right ahead.

Just now, wake up the baby.

Baby?

He's just a little one. He really isn't very much trouble.

Who takes care of him?

I do.

Including his laundry?

Oh, yes. Yes, I do everything for him. I take full charge of the baby, always.

Oh, well.

That's all right. Yes. Where's the kitchen?

In there.

Oh, I forgot. What is your name?

Mrs. Porter.

Oh. And what do I call you?

Mrs. Porter.

into a Mrs.

Mertz?

After which Mrs. Mertz?

Which Mrs. Mertz?

The one you owe two months' rent to.

Hello, Ethel. Oh, this is Mrs. Mertz, scullery girl.

I'll ask the downstairs maid to ask the upstairs maid if madame can talk to you.

All right, all right.

How you doing?

Well, it isn't exactly the way I dreamed about it.

I'll come down later and tell you about it. She's fixing my lunch now.

Fixing your lunch? That doesn't sound bad.

Well, I think maybe it'll work out all right. I'll be down later. Goodbye.

Lunch is ready.

Oh, all right.

Well, you don't want me to bring it in there, do you?

Oh. Oh, no. Of course not. I'll eat in the breakfast nook.

Don't you like peanut butter sandwiches?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I like them very much, as a rule. But I tell you what, I think I'd rather

have some of that roast beef that's in the refrigerator.

That snivelly little leftover?

Well, there was half a roast.

Oh, yeah, that was the one.

Boy, I'd hardly made a good mouthful.

Well, there's a head of lettuce. If I could... If I didn't have the salad, I'd

have starved to death.

up in the... All gone?

Some milk?

All gone?

Well, I've got to eat too, you know. Oh, I know, I know. Yes, of course. Surely.

You're dressed like this, Your Highness. If you'll excuse me, I'll go put on a

formal gown.

Oh, shut up.

What's the matter?

Oh, Ethel, let's face it. I'm not the type to have a maid.

Some people are cut out for champagne and caviar. I'm more the beer and

type.

What's the matter? What happened? Oh, she walks all over me. She gets most of

the time off. I have to take care of the baby. I have to do his laundry. And

she's eating me out of house and home.

What am I going to do?

That's easy. Fire her.

Well, you certainly can't keep her. You just said you're not the type to have a

maid. Well, I'm not the type to fire one either.

Lucy Ricardo, are you afraid of the maid?

Afraid? Me?

Yes.

Lucy, you go right up there and fire her.

Come on now, who's the boss, you or her?

I am. Who gives the orders?

I do. Well, are you going to let someone, a stranger... someone you pay

to, boss you around?

I should say not. Well, what are you going to do about it? I'm going to go

up there and tell her she's through right now.

I'll show her who's the boss. She's got a lot of nerve.

Mrs. Porter?

Yes? May I see you for a moment?

Mrs. Porter, there's something I'd like to say to you.

Well?

Uh, could I have a glass of water, please?

Thank you.

Jersey from all that peanut butter.

I'm just not cut out for it, Ricky. I feel like I'm working for her. That's

worse than doing all the work myself.

Well, we only got her because we thought it was going to be good for you. If you

don't like her, we'll let her go.

We'll fire her, huh?

Sure. Good. I'll go down and see Ethel, and after you fire her, call me.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

This is your project.

You hire her, you fire her. Oh, I tried to, and I couldn't.

Well, why not?

I got water.

Do it for me, won't you, Ricky?

Honey, I haven't even met her.

Well, that's perfect.

I'll introduce you. I'll say, Mrs. Porter, this is my husband. You say, how

you do? You're fired.

Now, don't be silly. I told you I want you to run this house like a business.

Well, if you're afraid.

Me?

Besides, if we don't lower our voices, nobody will have to tell us. You'll hear

us. Hey.

Hey, that's it.

What? Um, I, it's too bad...

You must have had some fight.

Hi. Hi.

What's the matter?

Oh, I can't stand it upstairs with that maid, and I haven't got the nerve to

fire her.

Well, somebody's got to fire her.

Yeah.

Guess there's not much chance that she'll quit, huh?

With an easy job like that, why should she quit?

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute. What if she didn't have such an easy job?

What if she had to work her head off cleaning up all the time?

Yeah.

How can we make my apartment look like a pig pen?

Oh, that's easy. Let Fred stay there for a while.

Come on now. Help me. What can we do?

Well, let's see.

I can have Fred bring up a lot of junk from the basement.

Tell him to bring up everything that's messy. Okay.

Let's see. Then we have to wait until Mrs. Porter goes marketing, and then

mess the place up. And if she gets it all cleaned up, we'll say we get it that

dirty every day.

That ought to do it.

Peanut butter and mustard and molasses and...

is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.

This is the CBS Television Network.