Original subtitles

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, I'll be all right.

Okay, now let's see. What else do we need?

Barbershop quartet.

All right.

Oh, hi.

Barbershop quartet. Yeah, that's right. Listen, how much would that cost?

What?

Look, I only want a quartet. I don't want the whole Metropolitan Opera

Look, I don't want you to think that I'm a Thai skate.

Tie skate.

Cheap what?

Well, you know what I'm talking about.

All right, well, look, they're only singers. See if you can get them to work

cheaper than that, huh?

Okay. Goodbye.

Hey, Rick, you looking for singers?

Good ones that'll work cheap?

Yeah, I'm putting on a new show, and if I'd known what I was getting into, I

would have never... Ta -da!

Oh, no.

Presenting... Those incomparable exponents of mellifluous melody.

Heartwarming harmony. And appropriate terpsichore.

The merry merces.

I love Fred Asinopoli. Oh, come on now, Ricky. You used this once and we were

good, remember?

Yeah. Oh, nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina in the moth.

A warning.

No one could be sweeter than my sweetie when I meet her in the moth.

All right, all right. Hold it, hold it.

I must admit, you were pretty good.

I'll see if I can find a spot for you in the show. You come down to rehearsal

tomorrow and I'll give you an audition.

Oh, fine.

What kind of a show is it going to be?

Well, it's going to be a gay 90s review.

Oh, that ought to be fun. Great.

You know, we didn't have the gay 90s in Cuba like you did over here.

What were they like, Fred?

I don't know. That was before my time.

That's careful.

We shouldn't be talking about a new show. Lucy might hear us. So what?

In her condition, she wouldn't want to be in the show.

She wouldn't? Of course not.

Oh, I can understand that. Her figure has changed quite a bit, you know. Sure.

While strolling through the park one day, in the merry, merry month of May, I

was taken by surprise by a pair of roguish eyes.

And you can put that parasol away, bum bum.

to be in your show, there's no reason why I can't be in it, too.

Now, look, wait a minute. In the first place, I have not definitely promised

Fred and Ethel that they're going to be in the show.

And in the second place, I can definitely promise you that you're not

be in it. But, Ricky... You're going to have a baby, remember?

Of course I remember. That's just the point. After I have the baby, I'll have

stay home and take care of it. I'll never be able to be in the show again.

Hey, I never thought about it that way.

Sure.

It'll sort of be my show business farewell.

My show business swan song.

Lucy, the answer is no.

Would you begrudge an expectant swan her song?

You seem to forget that this particular swan has no talent.

Oh, no?

What time is that rehearsal tomorrow?

You're not going to be there, so just forget it. No?

No, I said no, I'm not going to be there.

Sir, you dare not strike a mother.

really going to go down there and audition, are you? I certainly am.

Try and find a costume that won't be too revealing.

How's it?

Well, I guess that's not too revealing.

What number are you going to do?

Oh, I never thought about that.

I could sing Roll Out the Barrel.

You could, but it's not a gay nightie song.

your old gray barrel.

I'm only a bird in a gilded... No?

No.

Oh, well, I guess you're right. This won't work.

else that'll do the trick.

Say, how about that horse costume that Ricky's got?

That's a wonderful idea.

You know, we can both... Now, wait just a minute. Forget I ever said it.

If you dress as half a horse, I know who'll be the other half, and no thanks.

There's an old -fashioned hoop skirt that goes with this. We can work up a

song and dance number.

I hope you're not thinking of me as part of we.

Sure, we'll be a couple. A couple of what?

I'll be the woman and you'll be the man.

Goodbye, Lucy.

Oh, now, Ethel, are you going to desert me in my hour of need?

Yes.

Ethel, you who would like... to be the godmother of my child?

Oh.

But why me? Why can't you be the man?

Well, that should be fairly obvious.

Oh, all right.

But I have a feeling I'd be better off if I'd settle for the back end of that

horse.

Oh, no!

My impression of a very cry.

The wolf's smallest bicycle.

Excuse me, make myself comfortable.

trombonista

That's wonderful. Listen, you know what I'd like you to do? Say? That imitation

of Clyde Beatty, you know, the lion tamer? Oh, with the land chimney?

Yeah, will you do that?

Yeah, yeah. All right.

Yeah.

Oh, my portable dressing room. Yeah.

Oh, what a character. Gracias. All right.

Open the gate.

Yeah.

Stop! That was hot!

so realistic, you know, the way that you do that.

Why don't you get yourself a couple of lions and be a real lion tamer?

Let's see what else. Hey, Ricky.

Yeah. There's an act out there waiting for an audition.

What act?

McGillicuddy and Mertz. I didn't ask for any act called McGillicuddy.

McGillicuddy and Mertz?

Oh, give him the music, will you?

I won't lose this or all the money in the world. We'll see.

Okay, girls.

By the light, not the dark, but the light of...

It's his show. He's got a right to hire whoever he wants.

Yeah, what a flimsy excuse he gave us.

You mean telling us we stank?

Now, you know he didn't mean that. He just said it because I'm expecting a

and he doesn't want me to be in the show.

Makes me so mad.

Well, if it'll make you feel any better, he couldn't find a place for Fred and

me either.

Some showman he is.

Hi, Ethel. Hi.

kind of this afternoon?

I'm not talking to you.

Well, look, I'm awfully sorry if I could not find a place for you in the show.

But there is no place for a gay 90s striptease.

Very funny.

Oh, you're a sore head.

Oh, now, Ricky, it's her condition.

It is not my condition. I was a...

Listen, Fred, I might find a place for you in the barbershop quartet. Oh, good.

Nobody sings barbershop any better than I do.

Oh, good night, ladies.

Good night, ladies.

Good night, ladies. We're going to leave you now.

Merrily we roll along, roll along, roll along.

It's too bad you're not a man, Ethel. Oh, I can wear a wig and a handlebar

mustache. I dressed up like a man this afternoon.

You just heard her sing that harmony.

Oh, come on, Ricky, say yes.

Well, we might be able to work it out.

What do you think of this idea? I thought that the three of us could be

and then the fourth guy could be the customer in the chair.

Hey, that's cute.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

It'll be the first time I ever heard a Cuban sing barbershop.

Well, yeah, Cuban singing barbershop. That one sounds all right, doesn't it?

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll sing it with an Irish accent.

Oh, this I gotta hear.

Now, wait a minute. I'll practice. You'll be surprised.

That's for sure.

Who's gonna play the fourth guy, Ricky?

Well... Good night, ladies.

Good night, ladies.

Good night.

Now, Ricky.

Now, honey, please.

Now, look, it'd just be... perfect. I can be the fourth guy in the chair with

sheet over me.

You seem to overlook one little minor detail.

You can't sing.

I sang this afternoon.

Look, honey, we're singing Sweet Adeline. We're singing harmony.

Everybody sings something different.

Well, then that's just perfect. If everybody's singing something different,

won't matter what note I hit.

It doesn't work quite that way.

Besides, I practically offered the job to George Watson. Oh, George Watson. You

haven't even given me a chance. Now, Ricky, couldn't Lucy just sing the first

part, you know, sweet Adelaide, and then we could come in on the second part? Of

course. Just give me a chance.

Yeah, give her a chance.

Come on. Here's the notes for us. Okay.

That's me.

What other words? We'll sing the first phrase and you come in with the repeat.

Repeat? Yeah, we'll sing, sweet Adeline, and you sing, sweet Adeline, my

Adeline, my Adeline. Sweet Adeline, sweet Adeline, my Adeline. Okay. All

Now, you better stand away from us so you won't be flown off by anybody

harmony in your ear.

All right? All right, go ahead.

Here.

Chop Quartet.

So here it is, a quartet composed of Mary

Hey, Santa, you put on a little weight, didn't you?

How about you?

Yeah.

How about you, Ethel?

Fred, where'd you ever find such a big pillow?

Huh? Why don't you answer me? I'm not wearing a pillow.

Come on, let's open all our presents.

All right. Oh, no, no, let's sing first. Sing?

Well, yeah, everything is so wonderful and spending Christmas with our good

friends. I just...

wonderful Cuban melody. It's called Cascabeles. Well, let's hear it. All

Cascabeles, Cascabeles, cantan todo el día.

Cascabeles, Cascabeles, traen la alegría. Hey, that's Jingle Bells.

Jingle Bells? Sure.

How about that? You Americans steal all our good songs.

The part of the stage manager was played by Jerry Hausner.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.