Original subtitles

Lucy?

Is that you, sweetie pie?

Oh, gee, I'm glad you're home. How's about a great big... I'll see you later.

Lucy?

Come here.

What's the matter?

I stopped by the bank on the way home and they show me this.

What's that?

Your check to the beauty parlor. I write a check to the beauty parlor every

month. Yes, I know that.

But they don't always have a little note in the back like this one.

Dear teller, be a lamb and don't put this through till next month.

Now, what are you going to say for yourself?

That's why they call them tellers. They go around blabbing everything.

Lucy.

Now, look, I'm serious.

I don't know what's the matter with you.

Every month, every single month, your bank account is overdrawn.

Now, what is the reason?

You don't give me enough money?

I don't give you enough money.

Well, we both agree that must be the reason.

Now, look, Lucy. Yes, sir? Do you think this is a game we're playing? No, sir.

Do you realize how tough it is for a guy to make a buck these days? Yes, sir. Do

you think that the money grows on trees? No.

Well, we'll see you later. Come on, Fred.

No, no, come on. Come in and sit down. Oh, thanks, sir. I went to the fights

last night.

Fred! Please come in, will you? Come in, Ethel. Yeah, please, please come in.

Fred, I want to ask your advice on a certain subject.

What subject?

Well, tell me something, will you?

How often is Ethel's checking account overdrawn?

Never. Never? How do you manage that?

It's easy. I never had enough money at one time to open a checking account.

What?

She spends money like I was printing it in the basement.

Basement. Let's face it, Rick. When it comes to money, there are two kinds of

people. The earners and the spenders. Or as they are more popularly known,

husbands and wives.

Yeah. Brother, if they had to make their door, they would think twice before

spending it that fast.

Yeah. What's so tough about earning a living? Yeah.

Have you ever done it? No, but I could.

Ha!

I could, too.

Listen,

holding down a job is a lot more difficult than lying around the house

long. Is that all you think we do?

Yeah. Oh, now, let's be fair, Rick. Every once in a while, they get up and

canasta.

Who do you think does the housework? And who do you think cooks all the meals?

Yeah. Oh, anybody can cook and do the housework. I'd just like to see you two

try it for a week.

Okay, we will.

We will?

Yeah.

This I gotta see.

I wanna get a load of it. Yeah, but wait a minute.

You will have to go out and earn the living. Okay, we will.

We will?

Yeah. We'll change places. We'll get jobs and you take care of the house for

week, okay?

Okay. Okay?

Breakfast is ready.

Mommy dear.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Well, doesn't this look wonderful?

Did you have any trouble?

No, not a bit. Well, happy housework.

Happy job hunting. Thank you.

Oh, boy, did this look good.

I'm hungry this morning, too.

Mmm, it is good.

Why, naturally.

There's nothing to cooking.

Mmm. Oh, the coffee's good, too. Where'd you learn to do all this?

Oh, just a natural -born cook, I guess.

Honey, what kind of a job are you going to...

what job are you going to get?

Are you going to go to an employment office?

Lucy, why don't you answer me?

That's nice, dear.

message.

Now you know what I go through every morning.

All right, I'll reform.

Oh, gee, these fried potatoes are just great.

I don't see why you're so surprised.

There's nothing to it.

Well, I'll get it.

Hello?

Yes?

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Well, thank you very much.

Yes, goodbye.

Who was that?

Gee, this is a sensational breakfast. My gosh, but you're a good cook.

Who was that on the phone?

It was the drugstore. You left your hat down there when you picked up these two

breakfast orders.

You know, you could have tried to cook this yourself. We have a dozen eggs in

the refrigerator.

Well, um...

They didn't turn out quite right.

The whole dozen?

Yep. Oh, good.

Morning, everybody.

Hi, Uncle. Morning. Well, Lucy, are you ready to go to the office? The

employment office, that is.

All ready.

Okay, dear, bye -bye.

You forgot to kiss me goodbye.

Lucy, I'm nervous.

So am I.

Do you think this man can really get jobs for us? Sure he can.

But we don't know how to do anything.

Shh. Here's the address. Report for work first thing in the morning.

Who's next? We are.

Uh, we're together.

I see.

What job did you have in mind?

What kind of jobs do you have open? Well, what do you do?

What kind of jobs do you have open? Well, what do you do?

What kind of jobs do you have open?

You go first this time.

All right, what do you do? What kind of jobs... Please tell me, what do you

do? Are you stenographers?

Oh, yes, that's it. We're... Well, why didn't you say so? I have a lot of

stenographic jobs available.

How fast can you type?

Oh, about this fast.

Oh, I see.

And how about your typing?

Mine's not as good as hers. Look,

ladies, let's be honest with one another. I can't find you a job until

tell me what you can really do. Now, what do you do?

What kind of jobs do you have open?

Let's try it another way.

I have a list.

I will read off the jobs that I have available, and you tell me if you've had

any experience in that line. Oh, fine.

A bookkeeper?

Contometer operator?

Dental technician?

Insurance adjuster?

PBX operator?

Well,

I've only got one left. Candy makers.

Oh, that's it. That's our specialty.

You're a candy maker?

Oh, yes.

scarf on top of your head.

Oh, you mean this?

I was cleaning the apartment and I didn't want to get any dust in my hair.

Take a tip from me, from an old housewife like me, will you? And don't

iron get too hot. You might scorch something.

Really? Yeah.

You mean the... Like this?

That's the general idea, yes.

Well, I thought I'd tell Lucy that this was an original new design.

That story won't work. No, why not?

Ethel has three blouses with that same design.

Listen, you know what's really tough?

Silk stockings.

Yeah, how about that?

They're really tough to iron.

You're not supposed to iron silk stockings. No?

No. Fred, anybody knows that. Look.

Just make sure that you use plenty of starch when you wash them.

Oh, I see.

I'll show you. I got a couple of them over here. I'll show you. Here.

Eh?

Oh,

beautiful, eh?

Now, you seen better creases than that anyplace, eh?

My boy, you're a regular Ricky Margaret McBride. Why, sure, man, sure.

Oh, do you know something?

I've been thinking about that dinner, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's silly for both of us to cook, each one of us to cook a whole

meal, you know? Yeah, yeah.

So, I thought what we should do is pool our talent.

And I'll cook the main course and you cook the dessert.

Okay. Now, let's see. How about arroz con pollo?

Well, which is that, the main course or the dessert?

Chicken and rice.

Oh! I seen my mother do it a hundred times. I love it.

Well, listen, I tell you what. Can you bake a cake for dessert?

Well, will I? A big juicy one, seven layers thick.

Yeah? With frosting?

Globs of frosting.

This is going to be the best meal our wives ever had.

All right, girls, this is the first stop.

understand from your indoctrination session you're here for one purpose.

To work.

Yes, ma 'am. Ricardo, I'm going to put you to work chocolate dipping. You say

you've had experience.

Oh, yes, ma 'am. Yes, ma 'am. I'm a dipper from way back.

Yes. They used to call me the Big Dipper.

There's no room in this plant for levity, however weak.

Yes, ma 'am. All right, Ricardo, that's your place.

What? I'm going to put you to work down in the chocolate boxing department. Call

me.

Is that so?

I can sweep the rock and read the small pages at the same time. Pretty clever.

Why, sure. You know, the only reason that women claim that housework is so

is because they don't use their heads. I guess so.

What do you got there?

Oh, I brought my cake.

Ah, seven layers of luscious devil's food.

Well, you see it.

What happened to the other six layers?

Well, they're all in there.

Some of them just didn't rise very much.

Well, you can put on a lot of frosting.

What do you mean, put on?

Frosting's already in it.

In it?

Yeah, I mixed it all up together before I baked the cake.

Well, maybe you better wait until breakfast and serve it as a pancake.

Oh, never mind now.

How about your part of the meal?

It's coming along fine.

Yeah, I got the rice cooking.

Hey, listen, by the way, what do you know about rice?

Well, I had it thrown at me on one of the darkest days of my life.

No, never mind that. I mean, how much do you think we should use for four

people? Well, I don't know. People like that stuff.

Well, how does one pound per person sound?

That sounds about right.

Well, that's good because that's what I put in.

Four pounds. Good. That's good.

Now, let me see. I got the chickens cooking in the pressure cooker.

Yeah. Now, how long do you think they should take?

Oh, I don't know. I'd say about an hour now.

What was that? What was that? Hurry up.

What was that noise?

Don't burn yourself.

Hey, what happened to my chickens? I have two chickens in there.

They've got to be here.

of birds up there?

Yeah.

Well, let's wash them up. Come on. All right.

Here's a brush. Give me some of this stuff here.

Give me

some

more of that stuff over here.

wrapping department.

Yes, ma 'am. Now, the candy will pass by on this conveyor belt and continue into

the next room where the girls will pack it.

Now, your job is to take each piece of candy and wrap it in one of these papers

and then put it back on the belt. You understand?

Yes, sir. Yes, ma 'am.

Let her roll!

Let her roll!

Well, wait here.

Somebody's asleep at the switch.

What are you doing up here? I thought you were downstairs boxing chocolates.

Oh, they kicked me out of there fast.

Why? I kept pinching them to see what kind they were.

This is the fourth department I've been in.

Oh, I didn't do so well either. All right, girls. Now, this is your last

If one piece of candy gets past you and into the packing room unwrapped, you're

fired. Yes, ma 'am.

splendidly.

Have you got any bicarbonate of soda?

Yeah, I got some in the kitchen. I'll get it.

Oh, here's a note.

Dear girls, please do not go in the kitchen until we can explain.

We'll be back in a few minutes.

Gee, I wonder what's in there. I hate to think. You stay here. I'm stronger than

you are.

Oh, Lucy, thank goodness you're home.

Something awful happened.

No. Yeah, don't go in the kitchen until Friday night. I've already been in

there. Oh.

Oh, well.

Don't worry about it. We'll clean it up. Thank you.

Listen, we don't know how you girls feel about it, but we like to forget the

whole thing.

We're lousy housewives.

Hideous.

Well, we're not so good at bringing home the bacon, either.

We got fired off our first job. Yeah.

Well, look, let's say we go back to the way we were.

We... We'll make the money and you spend it. Oh, that's great with me.

Oh, yeah. And listen, girls.

We never realized how tough it was to run a house before.

So just to show you our appreciation, we brought you a little present.

Really? I did.

For each one of you, a five -pound box of chocolate.

was played by Alvin Hurwitz, the barwoman by Alvia Allman, and the

dipper by Amanda Milligan.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.