Original subtitles

Lucy, what are you doing?

Honey, remember what you said to me the first time you met me?

I sure do.

I said you were a cute little chicken.

Well, I got something to tell you about this cute little chicken.

She has crow's feet.

You do not.

You don't even know what crow's feet are.

I do, too. They're like pigeon toes.

No, they're little lions around the eyes. Come here, look.

See?

Oh, honey, are you kidding?

You're beautiful.

Oh,

you're just being nice, Ricky.

I am not.

Well, it doesn't really bother me.

the day would come when I'd have crow's feet and your hairline started to

recede, but I just didn't expect it so soon, that's all.

But if you say I'm beautiful, I'll take your word for it. Because after all,

you're the only one I have to please.

All you have to do to make me happy is say that you still love me.

My hairline is starting to recede, huh?

Oh, honey, that's just a figure of speech. You haven't got anything to

about. I have to.

I'm starting to lose my hair.

Frankie, don't be ridiculous.

My hairline is receding. Look, honey, look.

Are you crazy? You should have as much money as you have hair.

Well, I'm sure this much of my forehead didn't show before.

You're not serious.

If your hairline was any lower, they'd have to bill you as Ricky Ricardo Boy

Sheepdog.

Well, he's thick enough on top.

But gee, that hairline.

Oh, so your hairline has receded a quarter of an inch. So what?

A quarter of an inch?

Do you think it's that much?

And they say women are vain.

Violety has nothing to do with this.

I'm only thinking of my career.

Oh.

sitting in the back. Right here. He's getting sent back here in the back. Oh,

for heaven's sake. Come on to bed, Boldy.

Boldy.

I refuse.

I won't do it.

I will not get bald.

Well, don't talk to me. Speak to your scalp.

You're losing your hair, and even if you were, there's nothing you can do about

it.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Worrying wouldn't do it any good.

Certainly not.

No.

Good night, darling.

I wonder how I'd look without any hair.

The ceiling does look pretty cloudy.

My head was cold.

Besides,

you never can tell when the plastic might fall down.

All right, all right, I'm not asking you.

You got any jam?

Yep.

the ceiling doesn't look any too safe.

Is my toast ready?

Coming up.

Honey, take off your hat. I feel like I'm having breakfast in a beanery.

anyway.

Well, so I won't get embarrassed with everybody staring at my receding

Oh, I give up.

I'm pleased no more jokes about it. This is a serious matter.

All right. Who's making jokes?

I'll see you later.

Ricky. He's off on a new kick. He thinks he's getting bald.

Ricky? Bald?

Yeah, he actually thinks his hairline is receding. He wore a hat at breakfast.

Wait a minute. It's no laughing matter, Ethel.

I can understand how he feels now that my hairline has started to recede.

Oh, honey.

hairline isn't starting to recede. Let me see.

Turn around.

Never mind. I got plenty hair.

Comes way down over my eyes.

Yeah, you better cut it. People think you're a girl.

Very comical.

Oh, Lucy, you're kidding about Ricky. Well, he's got lots of hair.

I know it, but he's got this crazy idea and he believes it. I gotta snap him out

of it somehow.

How?

someone over that was really bald just to point up the comparison.

That's a good idea.

Yeah. Well, now, who do we know that's bald?

Yeah.

Fred, would you, uh... Would I what?

Would you like a cup of coffee?

I was just thinking of what Lucy's in for.

What? Well, Ricky will start trying one hair -restoring treatment after another.

Just like every other man when he thinks he's getting bald.

What kind of treatments?

Well, you wouldn't believe some of them.

Massages.

Tonics.

Polices. Scalp scrapers.

Suction devices.

Freezing the scalp.

Burning the scalp.

Why, a man will try anything if he thinks he's losing his hair.

I'm going to give Ricky scalp treatments.

And they're going to be so drastic that he'd be glad to forget the whole thing.

It won't work. Why not?

Nothing has ever been invented that a man won't try if he thinks he can get

hair back.

Oh, yeah? Well, you haven't heard of the Lucy Ricardo torture system of hair

restoring.

Oh.

Well, how do you do?

How do you do?

I'm Mr. Furlow. May I help you?

Yes, I'd like to get some preparations that will grow hair.

Oh, I see.

Won't you sit down? Thank you.

What are you looking at me like that for? Oh, it's nothing, nothing.

Now, what did you have in mind?

Well, my husband thinks that he's losing his hair, and I'd like to get several

kinds of preparations.

I see.

Mrs... Ricardo.

Mrs. Ricardo.

Every case that comes to my attention requires its own special treatment.

Now, I can't do anything unless you're willing to be frank with me.

Just how bald are you?

Well... Me?

It isn't me, it's my husband.

Oh, your husband, yes. Of course.

Of all the nerve.

You think I actually came in here to buy all these things for myself?

Oh, no, no, no. Farthest thought from my mind. Well, that's better.

But, uh... But what?

Well, uh... You could at least let me show

you a more realistic -looking wig than that.

Wig? This is my own hair.

Oh, come now.

Well, it is, see?

Stop. Oh, I beg your pardon.

Oh, my goodness, so it is.

Now, if you don't mind, would you please show me some of those hair -growing

things? What would you like? We have ointments, salves, creams, tonics,

scrapers, vibrators, suction devices, and agitators. Would you like me to

demonstrate them?

No, you just pick out some for me. Yes, madame.

Pick out the ones that smell the worst and hurt the most.

Yes, madame.

did the torture treatment work?

Ethel, I just didn't have the nerve to do it to him. You should have seen some

of the things I was going to use.

Awful, huh?

Yeah, there must be some less drastic way to snap him out of it. Well, I still

say your original idea was a good one. What was that?

Surround him with people who are really bald and make him realize how much hair

he has.

Bald people, a lot of them. Yeah, that might work.

I'm going to give a party and everybody there is going to be as bald as a

billiard ball.

Will you help me?

You don't expect me to shave my head, do you?

No.

I wonder how many bald -headed men we know.

I want this place looking like a sea of honeydew melons.

Well, I can ask Fred. Wait a minute. Why didn't I think of this before? I know a

man who can put his finger on a hundred bald heads.

Who? Mr. Thurlow, the hair restorer man.

coming to your bald -headed party. Why not?

When I asked him, he got highly insulted and stalked out of the room and I

haven't seen him since. Aw, too bad.

Well, I guess we'll have enough without him. Can I help you with anything?

Yeah, honey, put some of those around for me, will you?

How'd Mr. Thurlow get all those men to come here tonight anyway?

Well, it seems that they all took treatments at the same time and he told

it was a class reunion.

Come in, gentlemen.

May I present Mr. Johnson, Mr. Miller, and Mr. Davis. How do you do? And this

Mrs. Mertz, Mr. Thurlow.

How do you do? How do you do? Mr. Johnson, Mr.

Miller, and Mr. Davis. How do you do? There are six more coming. Oh, fine,

May I take your hats, gentlemen?

Mrs. Ricardo.

I had a tough time getting the boys to come.

I had to promise you'd give them dinner.

Dinner?

Oh, well, I guess we can take them out somewhere.

And I had to promise you'd give them each $10.

$10?

And there are six more coming?

$90?

Gee whiz.

Well, we do have $100 that we keep for emergencies.

Well, I guess this is an emergency.

Pardon me.

There you are, $90.

Thank you, Mrs. Ricardo.

Okay, boys, let me have your hats.

Mr. Thurlow!

Well, business hasn't been so good lately. I need the ten bucks.

Thank you.

Sit down, gentlemen.

All I can say is this better work.

comes through in a pinch. Ah, shucks.

Could I have your hat, Fred?

Yes, ma 'am.

Well, I guess that evens things up.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Hi, honey.

Hi. I won't be able to get home.

I got a lot of work to do.

Oh, honey.

Can't you just get home for a minute?

on you for baldness.

Well, it'll just have to wait. But it can't wait. It's a very expensive

treatment. Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I got a lot of work to do.

I'll see you later. Goodbye.

Is he coming home?

No, darn it. This is what I get for being so soft -hearted.

It cost me a hundred bucks.

What now?

Torture system, here I come.

Thank you.

What's all this stuff?

Well, I went down to one of those hair restoring places today, and I am going

give you scalp treatments to make your hair grow back.

Scalp treatments? Yeah.

You think these things really work? They're guaranteed.

Yeah? Yeah. Come on, sit down. Let's get started.

All right. Your roots won't know what hit them.

Now you just relax.

Now, first we're going to wake up your scalp with a stimulating vibration.

tingle, doesn't it? Yeah.

My head feels like it's on fire.

Good. That means we got your scalp on the run. Now for a little brush job.

has a nice, red, healthy -looking glow.

You sure it isn't blood?

Oh.

Here, tie this on for size.

What's this for?

To cover the mustard plaster.

The mustard plaster?

Yeah, after you get the mustard plaster on, you wear the stocking to bed.

I wear the stocking to bed?

Yep.

scalp.

These are solid.

Thank you.

is a Desilu production.