Original subtitles

Lucy, for goodness sakes, aren't you ready yet?

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Hurry up, we're going to miss the start of the movie.

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

I wonder what time that feature starts.

What are you doing with the paper?

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

I'll be ready in a minute, dear. I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Ah, there he is.

High noon.

Gary Cooper.

8 .23!

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Lucy,

you haven't even got your dress on yet. You were supposed to be ready an hour

ago. Well, it's all your fault.

My fault?

Yes, I wasted an hour telling you I'd be ready in a minute.

Come on, what are you doing?

Almost ready, and you're not helping any. If you want to make yourself

get a dress out for me to put on. All right, all right.

Which dress do you want to wear?

Well, which dress do you want to put on? I'm thinking. I can't make up my mind.

Put on any dress, honey. The Mercers will be here in a minute.

What makes you think so? I talked to Ethel ten minutes ago. She wasn't

near ready. She'll be here.

Fred told me that tonight... She's going to be here, ready to go with her coat

on at 8 o 'clock, no matter what.

Ha! If I know Wessel, she's just about getting out of the tub.

Well, look, just in case they happen to be on time, would you please decide

which dress you want to put on?

Well, what dress would you like me to wear?

How about this one, eh?

You like that dress?

Yeah, sure, I like it. Beautiful.

No, Wessel's seen me in that so much.

How about this one?

Oh, honey, everybody's seen me in that.

Oh,

I wouldn't wear that to a movie.

Why not? Don't tell me Gary Cooper has seen you in it.

No, it's too tight.

Hi,

Rick. Here we are.

You folks ready?

We'll be ready in a...

You see, he's got Ethel up here ready to go, just like he said he would. Yeah,

well, you go out and talk to him, dear. I'll be right out.

Okay.

Now, look, if you're not ready in five minutes, we're going to go without you.

Yes, sir.

All right.

Hiya, Fred. Hiya, Ethel. Hiya, Rick.

Well, you did better than I did. Lucy's still dressing. Well, you're not firm

enough. Well, I'll be firm enough tomorrow night, boy.

We're going to have dinner with a new bus.

You're having dinner with a bus?

the fellow that bought the nightclub. I work for him now. He's my boss.

Oh, I thought you meant bus.

Like they have at the bus station.

Yeah.

Well, she better be on time tomorrow night or she'll really be known as the

Mrs. Ricardo.

I heard that remark. Hi, Fred.

Hi, Lucy. Hi, Ethel. Oh, gee, do you look pretty. Is that new?

What's the matter with you?

When I say 8 o 'clock, ready or not, I mean it.

I don't get it.

Lucy, it's 1 minute to

7 and we're supposed to be there at 7 .30.

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Lucy, I'm telling you, I don't want anything to go wrong.

to Mr.

Littlefield about making me the manager of the club.

Now I'm going to give you 25 seconds.

20 seconds.

What were you saying, dear?

Lucy!

You're all dressed and ready to go.

Naturally.

Well, I apologize for everything I ever said.

How did you do it? I played a little trick on myself.

What do you mean? Well, knowing my own weakness, I wanted to make sure that I'd

be on time, so I turned the clock back so I'd have an extra hour. It's only six

instead of seven.

Why, honey, that's wonderful.

I'm proud of you. Thank you.

You know, I could really get things done if I just put my mind to it.

Oh, gee, I hope the Littlefields have a good dinner on start.

Me too. I didn't have any lunch.

You know, that clock idea is real clever.

I should have thought of that a long time ago.

Come on, honey.

Okay, then.

Gee, look how dark it is, and it's only six o 'clock.

Yeah, well, the days are getting shorter.

No, they're not. They're getting longer.

Lucy?

What?

Which way do you turn this clock?

Forward?

And when he said seven, it would only be six o 'clock. It's now eight o 'clock.

We'll be an hour late for dinner. Come on, will you? Oh, no.

Alvin, what do you suppose could have happened to the Ricardos? I can't

I told them dinner at 7 .30.

It's nearly 8 .30 now, really, when I realized how you rushed me.

Have it ready on time. Have it ready on time. Be sure it's ready on time.

Phoebe, you know I consider tardiness a major sin.

I wish I could get you to feel that way.

Oh, darling, why do you persist in sneaking these in here?

They're so cheap -looking.

We can afford real fruit, you know.

Mama gave us that wax fruit for our wedding anniversary. Now you put it

there. I don't care, Phoebe. I will not have them in the middle of the floor.

Oh,

there they are now.

Oh, come in, come in, come in. I don't believe you've met Mrs. Littlefield.

Phoebe, may I present Mrs. Ricardo. How do you do? Mr. Ricardo.

How do you do? It's a pleasure.

Oh, I'm so sorry that we're late. It's just disgraceful.

Oh, Ricardo, won't you sit down? Thank you. Mr.

Ricardo, you come and sit here next to me. Thank you. Thank you.

See, I hope we haven't ruined your dinner.

Oh, not at all.

Of course not. Oh, that's good.

It was delicious.

You mean you finished dinner?

Oh, some time ago.

When I say 7 .30, I mean 7 .30.

Oh. Well, of course, I could fix you something, even though everything has

put away and the dishes are all washed.

Oh, well, I hate to bother you, but, gee, I'm so darn hungry. No, thank you,

Mrs. Littlefield. We've eaten.

But, Ricky. We've eaten.

When we saw that we couldn't get a cab right away, we had a little snack.

Oh, well, if you are quite...

Sure. Yes. Well, it's too bad you couldn't make it for dinner. Phoebe

herself. Oh, it wasn't anything special. Just pork chops.

Pork chops?

Oh, they're my favorite.

Oh, then you would have loved these.

They were stuffed.

And about that thick.

About that thick?

And the potatoes were a masterpiece.

Now, Alvin. Oh, but they were, my dear, they were.

Baked. And with big gloves of cheese.

Cheese and butter?

I must have gained five pounds, what with all that cheese and butter and the

hollandaise sauce.

Hollandaise sauce? What was it on?

Asparagus tips.

Fresh, tender asparagus tips.

Are you... Are you sure you both had dinner?

Oh, yes, we had plenty. Didn't we, Lucy?

Hollandaise sauce, huh?

Perhaps you'd like an after -dinner mint.

Oh, where are they? Where are they?

Well,

I think I have room for just one teensy -weensy mint.

I always say there's nothing...

Mr. Ricardo, I hope this being late isn't a habit with you. I like

in the people who work for me. Oh, yes, I know. This was just an accident, sir.

Well, I hope it was.

when we explained the clock business.

Mrs. Littlefield cooked dinner for us, didn't she?

It doesn't matter.

It was very embarrassing.

She wouldn't have to go through all that trouble if you would have been on time.

Now, how long does it take you in the bathtub?

To do what?

What are you writing there?

Lucy's schedule. Lucy who?

Lucy you, that's who.

Let me see this.

I'm making out a schedule so you can budget your time.

Budget my time? You mean like I budget my money?

Heaven forbid.

Now, Ricky, listen.

You listen to me.

Now, I'm sick and tired of you being late all the time.

It's obviously that you cannot budget your time, so somebody has to do it for

you.

Well, I don't think I'm going to like this. How does it go?

Well, we'll write down everything that you do during the day. And we'll allow

much time for each thing.

10 minutes for this, 15 minutes for that.

Oh, I'm going to need more than 15 minutes for that.

Never mind.

You're going to go on this schedule and you're starting tomorrow morning,

understand?

Good morning, dear.

Good morning.

How about a good morning kiss?

Sorry, it's not on the schedule.

You know, as a matter of fact, I want to congratulate you on the way you've been

budgeting your time in the last few days.

Well, much as I hate to admit it, this thing does seem to work.

Good. Is breakfast ready?

Yep, all set.

There's nothing on the stove.

Where is it?

I didn't have time to cook it this morning.

So I had some time left over last night, so I cooked breakfast last night.

You did what?

Don't worry about it spoiling. It's all in the freezer.

Lucy, I can't eat this egg.

Why not?

It's too salty.

Well, I'd cook you another one, but it would throw me off my schedule.

Never mind. I have an appointment with Mr. Littlefield. Just give me some

coffee. Yes, sir. Thank you.

you people ever eat at your house?

Yes, sir.

It's just that I have a very big appetite.

Oh. Oh, I see.

Well, let's get down to business.

I've been thinking over your suggestion about being the manager of the club, and

I'd like to talk to you about it.

Well, certainly.

I've been watching you, and I like the way you handle things.

Oh, thank you. In fact, you have all the qualifications to be manager of the

propaganda. Oh, well.

Then can I get the job?

No.

Yes, except for one little thing.

That business about being late for dinner the other night.

Oh, but that was my wife's fault.

Oh, well, that's just it. If a man can't run his own home, I certainly can't

give him a nightclub to manage.

A cigarette?

Yes, sir. Thank you. You can appreciate my position, of course.

Oh, yes, sir, I do. Of course I do.

You see, Mr. Littlefield, you don't understand.

That was before.

Things are all different now.

Oh? Oh, yes, sir. The other night when I got home, I laid down the law.

I made out a schedule, and I'm making her stick to it.

And? It's working fine.

She's really doing what you say?

Oh, sir, I got her jumping around like a train seal.

A train seal.

Oh, I sure would like to see a thing like that.

Well, why don't you come for dinner tonight and you can see how the schedule

works. May I bring my wife? Certainly.

Then she can see that a house can be run on schedule.

And if it works the way you say it does, you can be the new manager.

Well, thank you very much.

Hi. Oh.

Oh, hi, Ethel.

Uh, sit down. I have three and a half minutes to spare.

Listen, Lucy, you're going to have to cut out this schedule business.

Why? Because Fred thinks it's a wonderful idea, and if it works out,

to put me on one.

Well, truthfully, Ethel, I find that I get everything done and I have time left

over. Of course, I cheated a little bit.

What do you mean you cheated a little bit?

I drew in an extra hour at the bottom of the chart.

Where'd you get the extra hour?

From the next day.

From the next day?

Yeah. It'll work out fine till the end of the year, and then I'll be two weeks

short.

Who can that be?

Oh, Mrs.

Littlefield. Come in, won't you?

This is my neighbor, Ethel Mertz. This is Mrs. Littlefield. How do you do?

Sit down, won't you?

Well,

I didn't expect you until tonight.

Mrs. Ricardo, what are you trying to do to the wives of America?

I beg your pardon?

Your husband told my husband that you're running this house on a time schedule.

That's right.

You Benedict Arnold.

What do you mean?

We wives have spent years persuading our husbands that we haven't time to do our

work. Now, if you go through with this, you'll louse it up for all of us.

You're darn right.

My husband wants to put me on his schedule, too.

If my Alvin sees what he likes here at dinner tonight, I start punching a time

clock tomorrow.

Well, I can't let Ricky down. He's asked you here tonight to show you how proud

he is of me. Oh, yes? Well, I overheard him tell my husband that he had you

hopping around like a trained seal.

Oh, he didn't mean it like that. No.

Of course not.

Train seal, huh?

It was probably just an unfortunate choice of words when he invited us here

tonight to watch you perform.

Watch me perform?

Well, I'm sorry, but you're not going to see me balance a ball on my nose

tonight. Good girl!

Lucy, what are you going to do? Will you and Frank come to dinner tonight? Sure.

This is no time for formality. Phoebe, will you help me? Lucy, I'll do

Thank you. Me too. Thank you.

Train seals of the world unite.

Lucy?

Yes, dear?

Are you sure dinner is going to be ready when the little fools get here?

Now, don't worry, dear. Everything's going to come off right on schedule.

Good girl.

I've got to hand it to you, Rick. That schedule idea was a real brainstorm.

I'm putting that on one tomorrow.

That a boy.

You know, that little idea is going to make me a nightclub manager.

Good.

Here they are.

Come on in. Come on in. Hello. Good evening, Mr. Littlefield. How are you?

Right down here, Mr. Littlefield.

I'd like to meet Mr. Mertz, Mr. Littlefield. How do you do? Right over

Lucy.

What? What is this?

Oh, can't wait, son. Got to keep on schedule, you know.

Oh.

Oh, Mr. Littlefield. The schedule, you know, Mr. Littlefield.

Oh, yeah, very interesting.

Well, let's talk. How have you been, Mr. Littlefield?

Oh, fine, fine.

I had a cold, but I went to the doctor. He gave me a shot. It went right away.

Of course, there's been a lot of colds going around, so it's natural that I

would get... Minds up!

How are you, Fred?

Well,

not too good. I've got a kind of a hitch in my... Sorry, Mr.

Littlefield used up all your time.

How about a drink?

Yeah, that's a good idea. I'd love one. Yeah, so would I. I had a hard day of

drinking. Just hit the spot. Well, it's too bad we don't have time for one.

Well, let's sit down and eat. You sit right here, Mr. Littlefield. Fred,

right across from Mr. Littlefield. You're right in there. Mrs. Littlefield,

would you help me in the kitchen? I'd love to.

Lucy, Mrs.

Littlefield is a guest. I don't mind. She doesn't mind.

Well, I'm really hungry. Me too.

Well, that's good because, uh...

Lucy's a wonderful little cook, you know.

Yes, sir.

Soup. Soup. Oh, and doesn't that look good? That nice? Yes. Soup. Well, dig

everybody.

time to taste it.

Too bad it was delicious.

I wonder what time it was.

Split pea, I think.

Split pea, yeah.

Salad. Salad. Oh, yeah. This is a nice salad.

Salad. Salad.

Just trying to stay on schedule.

I'll talk to you later.

Well, okay. I think I'll have some free time at 11 .43 tonight.

What's the matter, Mr. Littlefield?

There's a shirt button in my water glass.

Lucy? Yes, dear?

There's a shirt button in Mr.

Littlefield's water glass.

Oh, oh, well, I know how that happened. You see, I found that I could save time

by washing the dishes and the clothes together.

What is this?

Steak and peas.

They look frozen.

They are.

You see, there's no time on the schedule for defrosting.

She's scared to death of you. She's afraid of losing a second. Anyone can

that. Yeah.

What a temper you must have.

Yeah.

One thing wearing the trousers in the family, but it's another being a Simon

Legree. An ogre.

Monster. Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, maybe I have been cracking down a little bit too hard. I should say you

have. Now, first, we're going to get rid of this.

But it's the only way to run a nightclub, Mr. Manager.

Mr. Littlefield was played by Gail Gordon and Mrs. Littlefield was played

Edith Meiser.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.