Original subtitles

No, really, Marge?

Well, confidentially, I've suspected that right along.

I have, I have. You know what I've always thought about Betty and Jack?

Yeah, well, I've always said, if there was ever anything in the world... Lucy,

Lucy, for goodness sakes, get off the phone.

Pardon me, Marge, did you say something, Ricky?

Yes, I said, Lucy, for goodness sakes, get off the phone.

Oh. Hello, Marge, bad connection.

Where were we? Oh, yeah, Betty.

Yeah? Uh -huh.

She didn't.

She didn't.

She didn't.

She couldn't.

Maybe that's why she didn't.

Oh,

keep quiet.

No, not you, Marge.

Well, honey, I never would have thought that of Betty.

Oh, goodbye, Marge.

I'm surprised the phone hasn't grown to your ear.

Lucy,

why did you stop?

Don't tell me you got tired of taking Betty apart.

Who got tired? Marge had to hang up. Betty just walked in.

Gee, I wonder what they're saying about me.

Lucy, I want to speak to you about gossiping.

Gossiping? Yes.

I think that gossiping is vicious and petty.

And I think that gossip is the lowest form of human life. Oh, so do I.

You don't seem to get my message.

I was talking about you.

Me? Gossip?

What do you call what you were doing on the phone? Well, it wasn't gossiping. I

prefer to think of it as a mutual exchange of vital information.

Anyway,

she was gossiping. I was just listening.

Lucy.

You remember the old saying?

Verse of a feather, smell the same.

You mean a rose by any other name flocks together.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, I was just listening. It isn't gossip unless I tell it to someone

else. Well, that shouldn't take very long.

Are you implying that I can't keep my mouth shut?

Yeah.

Well, you... find out, nobody's going to get this information from me. My lips

are sealed.

Fred and Ethel are coming out tonight.

I don't care. My lips are sealed.

This I got to see.

You will.

Let them in. I'll be right back.

All right.

Hi, Ricky. Hi. I'm sorry we're late. I was fixing my hair.

Hey, Rick, is your phone out of order? I've been trying to get you for an hour

and a half.

Yeah, well, I know.

Lucy's been on the phone for an hour and a half, talking to Marge. Oh.

She's been getting all the details in some nice, juicy gossip.

Really?

Who was it? When did it happen? Who did what?

Oh, come on. That'll reel in your antenna.

Quiet. Come on, Ricky. Give out.

Uh -uh.

Well, Lucy'll tell me.

I don't know about that.

She said she wouldn't say a word.

She said her lips are sealed.

Huh?

Oh, boy, I'll say they're sealed.

Hey, I kind of like that. How come you never went in for one of those?

Oh, shut up.

Lucy, Ricky says you know a nice piece of juicy gossip.

Well, tell me.

Oh, darn it.

to be real good, Fred. Will you get to join me in a ringside seat? Thank you.

Oh, this is maddening.

Who's it about, Lucy?

Madge?

I don't care if you're not saying anything. You're still gossiping. Don't

her now. I haven't found out what happened.

How did Betty find out about Jack and the other woman?

Who are you?

A man?

Her husband, Jack. Yeah, her husband, Jack.

And Betty?

No, no.

The other woman. Jack and the other woman.

Yeah, Jack and the other woman are dancing.

And Betty came in the club and saw them.

So, she separated them.

Amazing what women go through to tell each other some dirt.

Fantastic.

Listen, so we gossip a little, so do men.

Men gossip?

Yes, men gossip.

Well, now, what... Now, wait a minute, Fred. In all fairness, some men gossip a

little. Who does?

Well, take Marco, my piano player, for instance.

It was only yesterday that I caught him talking to the drummer about Joe, the

trombone player, and what a wolf is.

Joe, a wolf?

I don't see how he can blow a note with those fangs of his.

No kidding?

Well, listen, this week it's Nancy the harpist. Last week was one of the girls

in the trio. The week before, that was the hat check girl.

No. Yeah.

Thank you, Hedda and Lolly.

Now, wait a minute.

The point is, we can take it or leave it alone.

With you women, it's your life's blood.

Well, you two aren't exactly anemic.

gossiping longer than you men can.

Oh, that's a hot one. Well, you've made yourself a bet. Okay, what's the bet?

Well, let's make it something interesting now.

I know. The losers will serve the winners breakfast in bed for a month.

that? Okay, you've got yourself a deal. It's a bet.

Just coffee.

How offensive the gossip front.

Oh, this is the third day, isn't it?

Yeah, I haven't heard a peep of gossip out of Lucy. Not a peep out of my bitty

either.

Thank you.

You know, I have a plan, but I think it's a little sneaky.

Good, let's hear it.

Well, I thought maybe we could cook up some sensational hunk of gossip. Uh

And then we tell it to our wives.

And leave them alone and wait for them to explode.

Well, there'll be an explosion, all right.

Except for one thing.

What's that?

Well, if we tell them, then we'll be gossiping. Oh, yeah, I didn't think...

was a nice try, though. Good try.

Listen. Huh?

Supposing that accidentally we mumble something in our sleep.

And our wives overheard it.

We couldn't be accused of gossiping then, could we?

Well, no.

But what was... Oh, you mean we pretend that we're talking in our sleep?

You got me.

Ricky, you're a Cuban genius.

Thank you.

Now, let's see.

Who we make up the story about?

Well, one of... Wait a minute now. What about the foster woman, the blonde in

3B? They're both jealous of her looks anyway.

Yeah, Grace Foster.

Yeah? That's good, that's good.

Grace Foster and who?

The milkman.

The milkman? Yes.

The little bitty guy?

He's so bashful.

That makes it all the juicier.

Grace Foster.

Grace Foster.

Grace Foster. Grace Foster.

What's the matter, Ricky?

Oh, you've got a nightmare.

Sleep well, little husband.

Grace Foster.

Grace Foster?

What about Grace Foster?

What are you dreaming about?

Why are you smiling like that?

What about Grace Foster?

Grace Foster is running away with...

Don't stop now. Go

on.

Grace Foster is running away with the milkman.

The milkman?

Uh -huh.

Go on, go on.

Grace Foster y el lechero se van a salir juntos y no van a volver aquí.

English. Grace Foster is running away with a milkman and her husband doesn't

suspect anything.

Go on.

That is all.

Oh, Ethel will die when she hears this.

I can't keep it to myself another minute. I'll call her right now.

Gee, it's pretty late.

I wonder what time it is.

Four o 'clock.

Well, she might still be up.

I can't tell her without losing that bet.

It would be gossip.

All right, sleep, you big ox.

What happened? What happened?

You must have been dreaming, dear.

Oh?

Good night, dear. Good night.

I'm a real stinker, all right.

Old story.

How did it go with Ethel? Well, if she'd have flapped her ears anymore, she'd

have taken off and circled the room.

Listen, we're a cinch to win the bet. How do you know?

Well, Lucy just announced that she's going to go downstairs and borrow a cup

flour from Ethel. Well, let's not waste any more time.

Where are we going?

We'll go down to the basement and listen through the furnace pipe.

Good idea. Come on.

Nothing.

What's new with you?

Nothing.

Dull, aren't we?

Yeah.

Well, I might as well go home.

How about your sugar?

Sugar?

Oh, never mind.

I really didn't need any flour either.

So long.

Bye. Drop up later, Ethel. I got a pudding in the oven.

Pudding? What kind?

Grace Foster.

I mean them, Betty!

You know them!

Yes, do you?

Ricky, are you in there?

What did you hear?

I heard that Grace is getting ready to run away with the milkman. They're going

to Mexico and get a quick divorce and they're settling in Steubenville.

Steubenville? Yeah, he's got a new milk route.

Well, if you ask me, I think her husband is well rid of her. I think so, too.

I... so cute.

Ethel Martz. What's that?

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Who's that?

This is your conscience.

Ethel,

you've got the loudest conscience I ever heard.

My conscience has an accent.

Ricky Ricardo, where are you?

Fred and I are down in the basement.

We'll listen to the whole thing through the furnace pipe.

Looks like you've lost a bet, girls.

Oh.

Keep on talking.

What are you doing down there now?

We knew you'd blab that phony Grace Foster story to each other.

Phony?

It'll teach them not to be so smart next time. How do you like that?

They deliberately tricked us. What a couple of fools we are. Now we gotta

those two bums breakfast in bed for a month.

What a revolting thought.

Wait a minute.

If they weren't asleep, they were awake.

Well, that's a monumental conclusion.

No. No, I mean if they were awake when they told us that story, they were

gossiping.

Yeah.

is on the other foot.

Well, if it isn't the coal dust twins.

Very funny.

All right, girls. We won the bet fair and square.

Didn't we, Fred? That we did.

Now, let's see.

Tomorrow morning, I would like some orange juice, two eggs basted, ham,

Jam and coffee.

I'll have the same, sweetie.

Well, that's just wonderful, except that tomorrow morning you'll be serving it

to us.

She is so right.

What do you mean?

I mean you weren't really talking in your sleep, so you were gossiping first.

Now, wait a minute, girls. Wait a minute. You have misconstrued the entire

of the situation.

Now, you see, if the story were true, then we would have been gossiping.

But the story was not true. We made it up.

The whole thing was friction.

So we were not gossiping.

Now, you girls believed that this story was true. So you were gossiping. Now,

that's the whole thing. Oh, that is the silliest way of trying to pull out of

a... Good

morning,

Your Majesty.

Good morning.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Ricky, don't start till I get there.

Fred,

what are you doing up here?

Well, I thought we ought to share our moment of triumph.

May I?

Be my guest.

Where are you, Wessel?

Coming, Master.

life, isn't it, Fred?

We're living like kings.

Why did you ever agree that they won the bet?

Well, that would be different if that story about Grace Foster and the milkman

was true, but it wasn't.

That's right.

Absolutely.

I'll teach that cow juice peddler to flirt with my wife.

Come on out, you cottage cheese castle over!

Now,

nothing can be settled with a gun.

No? You'll just go to jail.

Well... Now, you don't want to go to jail, do you?

No. Now, this is something that should be settled between you and your wife,

Grace.

Yeah. I guess... Shooting him wouldn't solve anything.

It certainly wouldn't.

I suppose maybe I ought to give Grace a chance to explain.

That's right.

Yeah.

Well, let me tell you one thing.

From now on, we drink goat's milk.

Oh,

I forgot all about you. You're safe now.

What a break he chose this apartment to hide in. Would you hand me my purse

there, please?

Thank you.

Now, here's $5 for you.

And please give this $5 to Mr. Foster and tell him I said thank you very much.

You both gave wonderful... Take nothing of it, Mrs.

Ricardo.

Oh.

With my compliments?

Oh, thank you.

It was a pleasure.

Anytime.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.