Original subtitles

Gee, two bam loads of furniture. What can they do with so much junk?

Where'd they ever get that sofa?

Isn't that a... Are you still hanging out of that window?

Now, come on, honey.

I want my breakfast. There's some coffee over there.

I'll make you some soft -boiled cherries in a minute.

What? I mean eggs. Look at those chairs. What do you have for... Oh.

Ay -yi -yi -yi -yi.

Hi, Rick.

Hello, Fred. Nothing up here.

Oh, there she is.

They're nosy twins.

They've been hanging out the window for an hour, snooping.

You'd think they'd never seen anyone move into an apartment before.

You want some coffee? Oh, thanks.

Ethel, look at those china lamps.

He shouldn't try to balance that lamp on that table like that. Oh, honey, now

those movie men know what they're doing. They never drop any... Oh!

Well, I guess one lamp's better than none. Ethel, come out of that window.

Suppose a new tenant should see you. There's nobody down there but the moving

man. They won't be satisfied until they see every last bit of those people's

paraphernalia.

Oh,

paraphernalia.

You understand Spanish?

Oh.

Now come out of there, both of you. Come on.

You've done enough snooping. We're not snooping.

I'm surprised they're not using binoculars.

Oh, I forgot I had them.

Say, that must be the new tenant coming up now.

Isn't he handsome?

Handsome? How can you call him handsome with those bugged out eyes and long

hairy legs? Huh?

Hey, you gotta fly on the lens.

me see through those things. Apple.

Curiosity kills the cat, eh, Francis?

Yeah, but we'll never get a break like that.

Now, why can't they wait until tomorrow to see what those people look like? I

don't know.

It doesn't make any difference to me what they look like. Me neither.

Hey, who is that? Do you suppose that could be his wife?

Look at that gorgeous blonde hair.

a figure like that come into this building. That's the biggest mistake.

fellas!

Fellas, watch it, will ya?

Gee, I'm sure glad men aren't nosy. Yeah.

Wow, wow.

All right, fellas, break it up, will ya? We were here first. Get your own

window. Ah, they're going inside.

That's all, girls. Yeah, the show's over. Here.

Well, Something tells me I'm going to be doing a lot of repairing in that

apartment. Yeah.

You need a helper? Have you got a card?

I'll join.

Okay, but what's the dirt on the new tenants? Where are they from?

I don't know.

What business is he in?

I don't know.

Do they have any children?

I don't know.

What's the matter with you? Are your radar bent?

No, they ran at the apartment through an agent. All I know is their name is O

'Brien, she's a blonde, and they've got one broken lamp.

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go down and call on them. Okay, let's go.

Now, now, wait a minute, Ethel.

Give him a chance to get settled.

Yeah, I guess he's right. No sense rushing things.

Okay, let's go.

Lucy, come on. I'm trying to, but there's a very strong current here.

go. Come here, Lucy. You're not going to go downstairs.

Why not?

Because there's nothing downstairs that concerns you. You'll have to give me a

better reason than that.

You just go in the kitchen and fix my breakfast.

Oh, we'll go down later, Ethel. His Majesty is hungry.

Okay, there's plenty of time.

His Majesty has another proclamation.

I don't want you to go down there at all.

At all, as in never? Right.

Now repeat after me.

I, Lucy Ricardo, promise never to set foot in the O 'Brien apartment.

Oh, really?

Come on.

promise never to set foot... Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Now.

I, Lucy Ricardo, promise never to set foot in the O 'Brien apartment, okay?

Okay. Okay.

Information. Do you have a telephone number for O 'Brien, 623 East 68th

They just moved in today.

One moment, please.

Fred, are you going to be long? I want to use the phone. No, no, I'll just be a

minute. I thought I'd call downstairs and see if there's anything they want me

to do. Are you calling the O 'Briens? They'll call you if they want anything

done. You're never too busy to do anything when there's a blonde around.

Are you calling them?

How can you think a thing like that?

Oh, hello, Mr. Thompson.

How's the plumbing holding up down there?

Well, good.

No, no, no, not at all, thanks.

Help yourself.

The number for the O 'Brien is Murray Hill 59970.

Scared me to death.

Hiya, baby. Hi.

Put this on the mantel for me, will you? Forget about unpacking. We've got a

script to learn.

But, Tom, this place is... You know, Connie, this television show goes on

night. We don't even know our lines yet. Well, I know mine.

All right, smarty. I'll help you with yours.

Good. Now, let's see.

I think I know that first scene, baby. Let's start with the second one. All

right.

Now, where are we?

Are you sure this is the right place?

I am positive.

They live in this building on an upper floor.

Good. Let me go over the plan with you once more.

We do away with them both.

Dispose of their bodies and assume their identities.

We become them, yes?

Exactly.

It is dangerous, but it is our only chance to stay in this country so we can

blow up the capital.

You know, that's pretty corny dialogue.

Yeah, even for television.

Well, it's a living.

Let's see, where were we? You know, my little chicken, this job will not be

easy. They're clever and physically strong.

Physically strong.

Physically strong. Yeah, I thought you knew your part, baby.

That's the first one I've missed.

Especially the red -haired one.

Did you notice those big, bulging muscles?

Those popping eyes and that horrible, ugly, leering face?

I will take care of that one silently with a knife in the back.

You will handle the other.

I will, on one condition.

That you take me out to lunch.

Huh?

Dad, I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast.

All right.

Come on, let's go down to the drugstore and have a sandwich. We can finish

rehearsing when we get back. Okay, baby.

I will take care of that one.

Silently, with a knife in the back.

Hey.

Oh, bait.

Good, they have not seen us. The coast is clear.

Darling, you're such a fool.

You know, baby, I think we're going to like this place.

Mrs. O 'Brien?

Mrs. O 'Brien, it's me, the landlady. Is there anything I can help you with?

Mrs. O...

your promise.

Well, I promised Ricky I wouldn't set foot in this apartment, but that doesn't

mean I can't stay out here in the hall and give a long distance snoop.

Aren't they home?

No. I had to wait all morning and half the afternoon for them to leave.

What'd you find?

Well, Lucy, what period is this?

19th century provincial?

Looks like 20th century ugly.

What else is it?

These lamps.

except close, it's too bad they didn't drop both of them.

Where are they? Here.

Oh, gosh, this is the most frustrating thing that ever happened to me.

Wait, I'll bring one over to you. No, listen.

Just because I promised Ricky that I wouldn't set foot in this apartment

mean I can't set knees in.

So long as I keep my feet off the floor, I'm an honest woman, right?

better see a dentist.

Oh, fine, thanks. You removed all the price tag.

Hey, look at this.

What is that?

Early Pullman.

Lucy!

Ricky's home.

Lucy! He's coming down here. What do I do? Hide someplace. I'll get rid of him.

came up to see if everything was all right and everything's all right. Well,

let's go.

You seen Lucy?

Lucy who?

Lucy Ricardo, my wife.

Oh, that Lucy.

Yeah. No, I haven't seen her. Let's go.

this is the right place.

I am positive they live in this building on an upper floor.

Good.

Let me go over the plan with you once more.

Lead you away with them both.

Dispose of the bodies and assume their identities.

We become them, yes?

Exactly.

It is dangerous, but it is our only chance to stay in this country so we can

blow up the capital.

Shh!

You know, my little chicken, this job will not be easy. They are clever and

physically strong.

Especially the red -haired one.

Did you notice?

Did you notice those big, bulging muscles? Those popping eyes?

And that horrible...

in the back.

You will handle the other. Do not worry.

In a dark alley, a loop of silver wire around the neck, one tug,

poof. Ha!

Brave!

I do not know if you actually realize the importance of this

mission. What a great honor.

for you and I to have been chosen to perform.

It is a crowning glory.

It makes us the most trusted agents in our nation's service.

I am over them with pride.

When this assignment is over, I will return to our native homeland. I will

you something that I've wanted to say to you for a long, long time.

Tell me now. No.

There is no time for personal adoption. We have a job to do. That is all that

counts.

Tell me now.

No.

I think I can guess.

But do you think it is?

Tell me.

No.

on a sacred mission. We cannot be beat.

All right.

But I'll remember this until we can be beat again.

Now, my little chickens, are all our preparations in order?

in order.

You have the knife?

Yes.

The silver wire?

Yes.

The map?

Yes. The explosives?

Yes. The two -way wrist television set?

Yes.

Good.

I cannot... I cannot think as a patriot.

My blood is... pounding in my ears.

As a woman, I beg of you, be weak again.

The roar of my blood is loud indeed.

What a tragedy my life has been up to now.

I see for the first time that...

You got the pass key? I want to check the heat in Miss Lewis's apartment.

Lucy, what are you doing? They're after us. Help me.

Well, what happened? What are you talking about?

Who's after who? The O 'Briens, Ethel. You're nurturing two vipers in your

brownstone bosom. What?

Lucy, have you been snooping? Yes.

Lucy, you mean to tell me that you went downstairs after you promised me not to?

Yes, I've been a bad girl and you can spank me tomorrow if there's anything

to spank.

Well, didn't you hear what I said? What's the matter with you? Our lives

danger. Ah, look, honey, why would those people want to give us a rubdown?

Lucy. After all, she was in their apartment. Yeah, and I'm going to call

police. I've got to get them over here. We've got to save the country.

Now, look, honey, calm down, will you? Let's talk this thing over. Now, wait a

minute. A lot of talking you're going to do with a silver wire wrapped around

your neck.

Silver wire?

Yeah. Honey, you better lie down. I don't want to lie down. If I go, I want

be ghost standing up fighting.

I think it's time to turn on the furnace. Good luck, Rick.

You go with him, Ricky. I'll try to settle her down.

Ricky!

Well, if you go, leave me a note and tell me where I can find my clean socks.

Ricky!

Why won't anybody believe me? I'm telling you, I heard. I heard. I heard.

what I heard. Calm down. Now, Lucy, are you sure you heard right? Cross my heart

and hope that... Oh.

Oh, dear.

Well, I'm not going to sit here like a sitting duck. I'm going to call the

police.

Operator, give me the police.

Thirty -second tracing.

Sergeant Morton speaking.

Help!

Name, please.

Mrs. Ricky Ricardo. Send a squad of men over right away.

Send two squads. The whole force.

Address?

623 East 68th Street. In a hurry.

Now, Mrs. Ricardo, what seems to be your trouble?

Well, some people have moved in downstairs. They're plotting to kill us.

know these people?

No. Then how do you know they're going to... kill you? I heard him. I just

happened to be hiding in their closet at the time.

I see. And why do you suppose they want to kill you?

So they can assume our identities and blow up the Capitol.

This is serious.

You're darn right it is. These people are agents of some foreign government.

What's their names? O 'Brien.

Lady, have you been nipping on the cooking sherry?

to be a nice big sofa.

But, officer.

Oh, officer.

Come on now, Lucy.

Come on. Don't you think a good hot bath and a nice... I keep telling you what's

happening, but no one will believe me.

Lucy's right.

Lucy's right. We listened to the coordinate spy.

Yeah. Yeah, they are planning to kill us and blow up the Capitol. Yeah, well,

now maybe you'll believe me when I tell you something. I'm going to call the

police right away. I just did. They don't care a darn about it. Well,

not going to get us without a fight.

Now get them to it!

I'd beat them to death.

Well, I hope they get here before you eat your club away.

One, two, three, four.

Fred,

what are you doing away from your post?

I'm hungry, and I request transfer to the kitchen.

Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes. Okay. Take it easy. Okay.

Hello?

No, this isn't a city dump. You got the wrong number.

Very clever ruse of theirs to find out if we're home or not. Right.

Be careful. Get steady. Be calm.

Get ready.

Just don't be trigger happy now. Oh? Don't shoot until it's absolutely

necessary. All right. Okay.

Okay.

Good morning, folks.

Good morning. Well, I finally got this thing straightened out. What? Great.

The O 'Briens are actors.

What you heard was a play they were rehearsing.

Oh.

You can go now.

Mr. Martz. Yeah.

The O 'Briens told me to tell you they're moving out of your apartment.

Oh, fine.

This is all your fault, Lucy.

Yes, and you'll pay that rent till we get another tenant.

And one of your trigger -happy sentinels shot a hole in a hot water pipe.

Your whole apartment is flooded.

And she'll pay for that, too.

Oh, come on, Fred. We better hurry home.

You must be the famous Ricky Ricardo.

Oh, you heard about me, eh? In the paper. This morning.

Oh, in the paper.

Front page.

Orchestra leader jail in shooting spree.

Come on, sweetheart.

Come on, sweetheart.

Let's go home. Come on, lady. You can go out in the world now.

The part of Mr.

O 'Brien was played by Hayden Roark.

The part of the policeman was played by Alan Jenkins.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.