Original subtitles

I'm right here, dear.

Lucy, how you've changed.

Yes, it's a new way I'm doing my hair.

Where is she, Fred? She's gone to market.

Oh.

Well, I'm glad to see that you're finally fixing that drain.

What do you mean, finally?

When was the first time you told me this drain leaked?

The day after we moved here.

August 6th, 1948.

That's right, and that's pretty good service for my building.

Fred, aren't you finished with that drain yet? Not quite.

Well, come on downstairs.

Dinner's ready.

Oh, stop ordering me around, will you? Now listen, Fred Murphy. Come in. Come

in, Ethel. I want to show you something.

Come in here.

You too, Curly.

All right, all right.

out of her mind.

I ought to slug you.

What are you trying to do, make a bum out of me?

Don't blame that on him. You were a bum before he was born.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Oh, this card is not for Lucy.

It isn't? No.

Saved by the bell.

I just rented it.

One of the girls is going to wear it in a dance number down at the club.

Oh.

Well, don't show it to Lucy. You know how she's always wanted a mink coat.

Yeah, I know, but she can't have this one.

You know how much this thing costs?

3 ,500 bucks.

I may faint.

Ready? Yes.

Could I play like it's mine, just for a little while?

Sure, come here, put it on.

Be careful, Mel.

Don't wrinkle it.

I won't.

And don't get attached to it, Miss Minnie Mink.

Oh, I can dream, can't I?

Bye, everybody.

Bye.

thought it was about time to buy the old battle axe. The little woman had a

trinket of some kind, so I picked up that bunch of skins.

Oh, bunch of skins.

Isn't he wonderful?

Ethel, you look so beautiful and so glamorous.

Honey, look, I got something to tell you.

Don't talk to me, you tightwad.

Lucy.

Honey.

Honey, don't cry. Let me explain.

Don't bother.

Honey, I'm trying to tell you. That coat doesn't belong to us, though. It's all

right. I can wear this ratty old cloth coat for another 40...

excited, honey. There's something I have to tell you. What?

Well, honey, you see, we... You know what's wonderful about this present,

You didn't forget our anniversary.

Well, look, honey, I... Oh, it's a perfect present. How did you know it was

what I wanted, honey? Well, honey, you see, what I was... I only... I had a

hunch you liked it.

Everyone's in on the joke all the time.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you!

Oh, Ricky, I'm so in love with this coat that I'm never going to take it off.

Never, never, never!

Come on, Ethel, let's see how I look in the full -length mirror. Come on!

Okay.

Come on already!

All right.

Why didn't you tell her the truth?

If I tell her the truth, it'd get me in worse hot water.

Forgetting our anniversary.

I should have brought her something.

You brought her something now, brother.

She can't keep it.

I got to get it back somehow.

How? She's never going to take it off. Never, never, never.

She's got to take it off when she goes to bed.

Hey.

I'll sneak it away during the night.

I'll open a few drawers.

mess things up a little bit, and I'll tell her it was stolen by a burglar.

Hey, you got something up there. How'd you ever get an idea like that?

Easy, easy.

I think of it in Spanish, and then I translate it into English.

Nothing, honey.

Go back to sleep.

Lucy. Yes?

What are you doing?

Washing dishes.

Washing dishes.

No, honey, no.

Good. No, there's nothing wrong.

I'm going in to get dressed. I want to go downtown and show my coat off to

everybody. All right.

Lucy. See, it's not for me. It's just that I want everybody to realize what a

wonderful, wonderful husband I have.

Anybody home?

Come in, Fred.

I gather from the look on your face that Lucy is still attached to that coat.

I'm beginning to think that the code is attached to Lucy.

I don't know what to do, Fred.

The show is tomorrow.

I got to get that code by tonight or else.

Have you got any ideas?

No.

There must be some way.

Tell her there was an epidemic of sick minks last year.

And one of the bad skins slipped past the fur inspector.

What? Sure, and you have to have that coat fumigated.

Otherwise, she might break out with a very bad case of mink pox.

Minks pox?

Yeah, and it sounds even worse with your accent.

Now, look, Fred, never mind. I don't like that. Look, you remember the idea I

had about the burglar? Yeah.

All right, the burglar is going to show up tonight.

What?

Tonight, when we sound sleep,

a phony burglar is going to come in here and demand that coat at the point of a

gun. Hey, that's wonderful.

Besides, there's been a burglar scared in the neighborhood lately.

Yeah, that's what gave me the idea.

You suppose she'll think he's a phony?

Not if you cover your face with a mask.

That's a good idea.

Hey, wait a minute now. I draw the line and prowl around another people's

apartment in the middle of the night.

Now look.

Fred, let's look at it this way.

If you don't do it, Lucy will keep the coat.

Now, Ethel wants everything that Lucy gets.

So pretty soon, you will have to buy Ethel. All right, what time do you want

to break in?

What kept you? You're late. Stick him up! What are you doing with that thing?

Come on, let's wake her up. I said stick him up!

Stop fooling around with that gun, will you? You have to ham it up all over the

joint all the time.

Alice,

you stay right here until I wake her up.

What? Lucy. What?

I got a feeling there's somebody else in this room besides us. Really?

Yeah.

Clean up and keep them up.

What's in this box?

Please, Mr. Burglar, take our money, take our jewels, but don't take my

mink coat.

It's worth 3 ,500 bucks.

Is that real mink? No, no.

Are you really going to shoot us if we don't give you this coat?

Yeah.

My hero.

Honey, your life is worth much more to me than a hunk of fur.

if a burglar came and didn't get my mink coat.

Well, I'm happy about that, but I'm so disappointed in Ricky.

Ethel, I'm married to a coward.

Are you still moping because Ricky didn't struggle with an armed burglar?

you should have seen it. Ricky gave him the coat.

I'm surprised he didn't gift wrap it for him.

Ricky would have been brave if he'd known it was a real burglar.

Uh, I think I hear Fred calling me.

Ethel, what are you saying? What do you mean, real burglar?

Uh, nothing, just, uh... Ethel, how did you start to say?

Well, I might as well tell you.

It's better than you're thinking Ricky's a coward anyway.

Was it a real burglar or wasn't it? It really was, but Ricky thought it was

Fred.

Fred? Yes, that's why he didn't try to fight him.

Please, I'm not a yo -yo.

Ethel, I want the whole story.

All right, Your Honor.

Well, you see, Ricky didn't intend to give you the coat. He just rented it to

use for a dancing number down at the club.

You mean this isn't my coat?

No, honey.

Oh.

But at least you know Ricky isn't a coward.

This was my coat.

I've been living in a mink's paradise.

Now, Lucy, don't get upset.

Oh, I'm going to get even with him if it's the last thing I do.

I ought to carve my initials in it with an electric razor.

Oh.

What are you going to do?

You know that costume store downtown where they sell imitation fur coats?

Yeah. Well, I'm going down there today and I'm going to get a coat exactly like

this.

Lucy, this is a pretty poor imitation.

Don't you think Ricky will know it isn't real mink?

Well, honey, I will, but I don't think Ricky will. You know how men are. Yeah.

I've got this thing fixed so it'll scare him to death.

Now, when we go out there, this is what I want you to do.

I hadn't thought of that.

But what of the anniversary?

I'll get her a couple of minks and let her raise her own coat.

Hiya, fellas.

Hi, girls. What are you doing in that coat? I asked her to put it on. I want

take a look at it. I'm thinking of restyling it.

Restyling it?

Yeah, I think I look better in a short jacket. Don't you? Uh -huh.

What are you doing?

No, please, please.

Please don't study no more.

Please.

Well, it'll make a nice mouth.

Hey, look at me. I'm a first stylist.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no, no.

There you are. Congratulations, Ethel. You're the first woman to ever wear a

mink T -shirt.

Isn't it dreamy? Yeah.

Even though you didn't get a mink coat, I think you did pretty well for your

anniversary. So do I, considering it wasn't our anniversary.

Lucy, what do you mean?

Well, whenever there's a good present in sight, I always tell Ricky it's our

anniversary. Oh, no!

When is your anniversary?

It's on, um... Well,

how do you like that? I fibbed about it so much and now I've forgotten.

all these things for your anniversary last week, but the store forgot to send

them. Really?

Yeah. Happy anniversary, Lucy.

Happy anniversary, darling.