All language subtitles for head_case_s02e03_a_tard_for_all_seasons

Previously on HeadCase. How's your
sexual life? I'm not with anybody right

I'm enjoying my independence.

Isn't Miranda Van Zyl one of your
patients? Uh, she's my two o 'clock.

She died. She jumped off the Tappansey
Bridge.

She took me seriously.

What? What did I do that was so wrong? I
don't understand, you know? You could

not have strippers. I suppose we're
shaved pudenda.

I am in my... Well, you are. Baby
-making. You're baby -making. You're

than me. You have a flower delivery.

Who are they from, Lola? They're from
Jeremy Berger.

Look at this. Look at this.

Goddamn him.

Fuck you. All right. Fuck you up. Do it.
Do it. Fuck her up. He pitched

Desperate Plumbers to ABC last week.

Did they go for it?

We don't know.

Why can't you have a relationship
instead of spraying your seed all over

Hollywood? Well, wow.

Just relax.

I've just, I've never had a male
masseuse before. I usually have Russian

Oh, okay.

How long have you been, oh, how long
have you been a masseuse? All my life.

Okay. Oh gosh.

Oh gosh. Let it out.

That is, you know, I grind my teeth and
I'm, I'm a righty. So, oh God.

Give it all to two.

I've had the worst week.

You know, I just, bad work,
relationship.

And release it. Oh, gosh.

That feels so good, Q. If I start
snoring, wake me up.

Now we're going to go a little deeper.

Yeah, how bad?

Try it.

Violated, Lola.

Violated. I want you to call the manager
of the hotel.

And I want you to find out the name of
the masseuse. And I want him fired. And

if he's not legal, I want him deported.
I will ring the place we... I don't

understand what it is about men.

I was completely vulnerable.

I was completely in a relaxed, comatose
state.

And that man violated me.

Oh, dear. I will not have it. I will not
have it from him.

on the street. I will not have it with
my father. I will not have it with any

man I know. I'm done, Lola. I'm done. I
will not be violated again.

Which patient do I have first?

Uh, Andy Dick.

Violator!

Before we get into the session, I wanted
to...

We spend a lot of our time. What's going
on, Andy?

Thought that maybe we could enjoy a nice
glass of wine.

I don't think this is part of the 12
steps, is it? I'm not in AA.

You know that. Are you sober now? Yeah.

Yeah.

Stone cold sober. I'm not drunk. And
that's what I learned from you. How to

drink like... A gentleman.

A gentleman.

And so do you find that you can have one
or two glasses of wine, or do you fill

your... down to the cellar as usual? You
can just have a... you can... Andy, I'm

trying very hard not to be an enabler
with this.

Dr. Good's office.

Lola. Berger.

Oh, Jeremy.

Don't hang up. Listen.

Listen, I just... Listen, I know the
flowers... whatever, they didn't work.

Yeah, they didn't, actually.

Where's my picture?

I see Ione Skye's pictures right in the
middle, like she's the goddamn center of

the fucking universe, and I'm not even
in the milky goddamn way.

My other patients found your picture
disturbing.

You are going to have to make a huge,
huge effort. Okay, so what do I do?

Throw me a bone here, okay?

Romance. Something different.

Well, I made another one. If you choose
to hang it up, that's up to you. If you

choose to put it in your file of other
photos... Oh, Andy, Jesus.

Just be my... Congenitive. Be creative.

I don't do creative. I'm an agent, you
know what I mean?

Please, Lola, I'm begging you.

I mean, what do I have to... Think of
something to soften her up. A weekend

away, perhaps.

A mini break.

Gotta go. I mean, if you... Oh, okay,
bye.

Hey there, partner.

Hey, you're an actor?

I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought so.

Jeremy Berger, agent.

Jeremy Berger, yeah.

The past few weeks, we've been dealing
with post -traumatic stress syndrome.

It's been very traumatic. I know it has.
But here's what I want you to

understand. It was a movie about
Vietnam.

I don't care if I was in the war or not,
obviously. I wasn't.

But I was in my mind.

And are you still having nightmares? Do
you wake up in a sweat?

Yeah. And what do you do? Do you still
go downstairs and eat?

I go downstairs and I eat one or one and
a half bottles of Pinot Noir.

Great script. You going in on that? I
am. I got a big meeting tomorrow. I'm

working really hard on this. Funny
story.

I put Sean Astin in that role 30 minutes
ago.

True story.

No. Cool. There'll be others.

Here's the important thing. I think
people need to see you. I just fucking

spotted you and beelined over here. Let
me ask you a question.

How's your retard?

Huh? Retard? Retard? How's retard?

You know, Danny Day -Lewis, my left
foot.

Dusty Hoffman, the rain man.

You know, all actors have a tard.

How's it for you?

Let's try a few exercises.

You know what? I really need to loosen
up if we're going to play one of your

funny little games.

So can we have one toast? To me, I'm
doing fucking good, right? I've been

here for... Six years.

And I'm kicking everybody's fucking ass.
Okay. And that's why it confuses me

that my picture isn't up there. Okay.
Because I'm kicking Naomi's guy like

not crazy.

Andy, here's to sobriety. I think I can
sell you. I really do. But I need to see

that fucking tart.

All right. Right here. At the coffee
bean? Yeah, exactly at the coffee bean.

Where else?

Right now? That's what it's about, man.
It's fucking gorilla acting, you know?

It's the real life thing. I'd like to
see it.

Okay. All right.

It's hard in five, four, three, two.

Did they never say the one?

It's going to be cold.

You need one more little glass, baby.
Come on.

Andy, you can go out there and roll them
beers.

Okay.

All right.

Lola.

Yes, Dr. Good?

I think we're going to need some food.

Okay.

Now. Okay.

Don't eat the cupcake, Myron.

Huh? Okay, let me tell you something.
That's a little, like, that's Bell's

palsy. That's terrible.

You're out in act one. You're out.
That's like best supporting actor. We

best actor, right? I want you to fucking
leave this picture. You know what? I

want to see something you're going to
live and you're going to die with.

That's good. Drooling is good.

Hi, Lola. Hi, Troy.

Thank you so much. You're very welcome.

I'll see you soon. Nothing for you
today?

Oh, no, no, no, thanks.

Are you sure? I'm sure I had a big
breakfast.

King deal?

No, no, no, thank you. No, grilled
chicken sandwich. No, no, no. I've got

and I'm full. How about baby fat? Baby
fat? No, no, thank you. Candy blast

shake.

You know, Queen Latifah owns a fat
burger.

Oh, yeah?

Montel Williams, too.

We opened one up in China last week.

It's doing really well.

What is that? It looks like Jurassic
Park.

The ride.

The hands are... No. We're not going to
fix this in post, motherfucker.

I need to see. Maybe I can read the
script.

Hey, you know what the script is?

Fucking life is the script. You woke up
this morning and you're in it. You know

what I mean? Because you're retarded.

And I want people in the street to
think, oh, that poor retarded kid. I can

that. Maybe you need to see it then. No
dicking around.

Less gay this time.

And... That's good. That's good. You
want to find the words and you can't

because you're so retarded.

What do you want to say to your mom?

Why are you black?

Exactly.

That's it.

Cut. Print.

Beautiful. I love it. That's fucking
brilliant. You got a baseball?

No.

All right, we'll find one. Why do we
need a baseball?

I'll show you. By the way, thanks for
treating me. I don't normally forget my

wallet. All right. All right. Let's get
out of here. Are you driving or am I

driving? I'm driving. You're fucking
retarded. You don't drive.

This is Bobby Hill.

No. Who's this?

Elizabeth. It's Pammy. Adlon.

Yeah. How are you?

No, she's not here. Nobody's here.

No, I'm late.

I'm fucking late. I need to get in.
You're really good on weed. You should

back and do King of the Hill sometime.

Okay, bye.

Two -faced.

How you doing?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Not too glamorous there with all the
celebrities all the time.

Come here, little piggy!

You're always so calm and everything.
That's what's amazing.

You know, you're like this.

It's good to talk.

I mean, because you're like so easy to
talk to and everything, you know?

How are you doing?

I'm good. I'm good. You've been waiting
a long time, haven't you? Yeah, I've

been like 40 minutes. I'm sitting here
40 minutes.

Do you ever kept you this long before?

No, I'm supposed to be on a set of a
show. I'm shooting.

That's terrible.

Awful. Awful. I would never do that.

My office is right here if you want to
talk.

With the mezuzah on the door? I don't
ever keep anybody waiting.

Uh, I'm thirsty.

Oh, how did that feel?

Good for you.

Well, you're not waiting for Andy, are
you?

I... What's the matter? You nervous?

I can prescribe... Excuse me, just a
moment. I prescribe stuff, too, you

An emotional play? Can you help me take
this off?

Oh, are you fucking... fucking dick?

I need help.

What the fuck? You're in here with this
retarded fucking half a fag. I'm sitting

out here with Dr.

Finkel fucking Jew who's trying to poach
me because my doctor doesn't have time

to see me. And you're in session with...
What the fuck is going on?

Why are you in here with him? This is my
time.

You told me to take time for myself and
make sure that I don't get taken

advantage of. And I fucking come in here
and you're having wine?

Pammy, this is Andy.

Fuck you. I fucking can't believe this
shit.

Are you okay now? Did you get enough
time? No, I'm not okay. This is rude,

No, I'm not okay. This is my fucking
time. Will you tell her that this is my

fucking session? You don't think my time
is fucking important?

You know what? I'm not going to go there
with you. It's very fucking important.

Go away. Go away. Get out of my time.
Get out of my face. Get out of my time.

Get out of my session.

Fuck you.

This is my time.

Fuck you. I pay for this shit. I fucking
wait.

People are. I pay for this shit. That's
disgusting.

Fuck off. I pay for this shit. What the
fuck is the matter with you? I pay for

this shit. You are no man. I pay for
this shit. You're a piece of fucking

garbage. That's what. You know what?
Fuck you.

Where's your picture?

Which one's your fucking picture? You
know what?

It's the one with no legs. It's the one
with no legs right there.

There's your fucking picture. The one
with no legs. Because you have no lower

body.

Rape. OK.

So what do you say? Want to up it a
little? Double or nothing?

No? Yes?

So in our last session, Natalie, you
were doing the dance of anger because

thought Nicole was prettier than you.

Where are we today? Who's feeling angry
that one of you is prettier than the

other? We've actually, like, gotten a
lot better this week. You have? Yeah. Is

everybody equally pretty today?

Well, no, because she's having a better
hair day. I noticed that.

But, um... Jeremy!

How's it going?

Fine, thank you. How are you?

Oh, great. Just in the neighborhood
playing some baseball.

With her bare hands. It's my buddy.
We're just playing ball.

Is the doctor in? Can I get in and see
her?

She's in, but she's in session.

Were you actually physically attached
when you came out of the womb?

No. You each had your own umbilical
cord.

I think so. Because what I want to start
doing is, even though you live

together, I want you to start to
separate. And what I mean by that is not

alike, not use the same toothbrush.

Just real quick, just a hello.

Um, oh, who's your friend? Oh, this? Oh,
this is my buddy. You know, part of the

little buddy program, you know. Oh, are
you? I give back to the community.

I'm a big brother. Okay.

Hello. Hello, love. Yeah, it doesn't, it
was mute until like two weeks ago. I

just think that separation is good. I
mean, you are different, you know. No,

totally, totally. Nicole, you like Thai
food. I'm Nicole.

Nicole, you like Thai food and you
don't, you know.

I like Chinese food. There you go. Very,
very different people.

But we love the same things. I like
sushi.

We love sushi.

We love the same kinds of sushi.

Spicy tuna hand roll, no rice.

Hey, stop.

But I really would like to see her.

No, don't. No, please don't put me in
that position.

Really? Yeah,

I brought a kid.

He's, you know,

he's challenged.

Oh, no.

You know, don't let him see this.

Let him.

Can I just sit right in?

These are twin bears.

Okay. Okay.

Now, Natalie, which one of you is
Natalie?

This is you, and this is your sister,
Nicole. She always has a pretty ribbon,

right? Okay.

Lola. Yeah.

I said that's not going to happen today.

No, Nicole. I'm so sorry.

I don't want to be the bad guy. I know.
You know, it's just that... Oh, God,

there he goes.

Really bad.

Hi.

Lola.

He's Jeremy's.

What?

Hey.

Hi. Hi.

You didn't return my phone call, so I
didn't know how else to see you. I just

needed to see you.

I'm in a session right now. I'm sorry to
do this. I apologize.

I apologize.

This is Jeremy Berger. He's an agent.

Oh, hi.

Hi. Sorry, girl. We're twins, Jeremy.

Twins. Maybe you've slept with them. I
don't know. Are there any twins in L .A.

you haven't slept with? Because the last
time I saw Jeremy, he was with two

naked twins covered with whipped cream.

They're sisters but not twins. But you
know what? And the irony is that he goes

and tells people like me that he cares
about them, that he wants to be with

them. So coming back and telling me that
you're sorry or sending me flowers

really doesn't cut the mustard, does it,
Jeremy? Because you know what? I've

moved on.

I'm a different person now. I love you.

Do you like popcorn?

Yeah. Because Lola had the popcorn
maker.

Good job, buddy.

My hair is a little bit shorter than
hers. She's got longer hair. But I'm a

inch taller.

Taller. Yeah, I'm taller.

And I'm about two pounds lighter.
Thinner. You have bigger boobs.

Oh, thanks.

What kind of a narcissist comes back and
continually attacks his prey?

A big one. You know why?

Because I'm thinking, I'm thinking of
me, but I'm thinking of you with me.

I'm thinking of us together.

Oh, my God. Come on, Jeremy. Why should
I go back to the one place that has

caused me more pain than when my uncle
came to visit?

Do you play doctor?

What? Play doctor.

Doctor. No. Do you want to play doctor?

I want you and I to be a power couple.

Yeah, I said it.

Whatever. Bad words. I don't know. Power
couple. You and me.

Brad and Angelina.

Brangelina. Whatever.

Uh -uh.

Good burger.

Good burger.

Cheribeth. I don't know. We'll work it
out. But the deal is, you and me, we

bring so much to the table. We are
fucking power.

You want to go to my place?

No. No. No.

Let's go to the beach.

The beach. I want to be.

We play ball to be.

I'm just a boy standing here in front of
a girl asking her to love me, okay?

I mean, love means never having to say
you're sorry. You complete me.

And you complete me.

I love the beach.

Aw, you're so good.

Do you ever kiss each other? It's a
beach.

Lola, could you do me a favor and make a
reservation at Giorgio's at 8 o 'clock

tonight for two? Of course.

Cool. Okay.

I got three kings.

Oh, shit!

See you later. I'm gonna kill myself.

boyfriend and girlfriend basically we're
we're in a relationship yeah yeah when

you said that i got butterflies like i'm
that excites me we're an item we're a

couple a power couple i'm a couple we're
a good couple I think we're a great

couple. I don't even think it's like
high school. I think that we... No, no,

I love what we are. I love that I'm a
shrink and you're an agent. Nice. And

kind of control everybody in Hollywood.
I have a friend that's editor of L .A.

Confidential Magazine, and she would
love to do a story on that. You're

me. No, why not?

I know. Like, what's behind celebrity?

Who they are. Hello, these two, and they
found each other. I just got hard.

I did. I'm sorry to go.

Let's go.

Let's get out of here.

Okay, wait. Let me go to the bathroom. I
just need to freshen up.

Okay.

Hey, watch me, watch me. I'm watching,
baby.

I've been watching.

Oh, fucking hell, yes.

Fucking hell, yes.

Hey,

man. Buddy.

What's going on? Who are you here with?
How's it going?

Was I that bad?

No, you were great. Are you kidding me?
That was the best one? I mean, there

were some weak moments, you know? I
mean, I was a little off. I mean, I

the moments with the secretary were
brilliant, though, man. I mean, that was

strong shit. There were barges in the
office. I nailed it. You nailed it, but

listen. You think?

The twins loved it.

That's unbelievable.

Really? The twins.

Whoa. Oh, fuck you, man. Really?

They're so hot.

Yeah. But listen, the producer's here,
and I need you to fucking, if you want

fucking seal the deal, action.

This is funny, isn't it? Hi. We are your
friends.

Great to see you.

How do you introduce me to your friends?

I'll call your handler, or, you know,
like you do.

Bye. What is wrong with him? How do you
never introduce me to your friends? I'm

a kid.

Sorry. What the fuck was that? Anyway.

Whoa.

You okay?

I'm fine. Oh, I thought maybe I'd, uh...
No, I retained salt.

Oh.

That's your secret.

I love this behind the scenes.

You were so fucking good last night.

Really? Scale from one to ten.

I mean, ten, ten, ten, ten. Ten is bad.

Oh, one, one.

For realsies?

For realsies.

No, I can't. I can't. I got to go to
work. I got to go to work. No, listen.

Here. This might oil up a leg.

You know, I got to go to work, too.

I got a client. I think I should go.

Hey Lola, can I get a drink? No.

No. You want dinner?

You want to go for dinner?

No.

How about now? You want to go for lunch?

No.

Before work, how about breakfast,
brunch?

Mm -mm.

Sunday brunch?

Mm -mm.

Why not?