Original subtitles

Doctor's office.

Lola, I just went to the Barney sale and you're not going to believe I got the

cutest little top.

It's like a moth greeny thing that lifts and separates. Oh, that sounds

gorgeous, but you have remembered you've got that model Magalie at three. Oh,

that's right. All right, I'm on my way. Okey -doke.

Magalie.

Hi. Hi.

What do you think I've got, 40 minutes?

Two hours, usually. I'm going TT.

Okay.

Problem is, Uma, I've already got somebody in at that.

Actually, it's Winona.

You two know each other, don't you? Aren't you friends?

Maybe you could sort it out amongst yourselves.

I know, because Dr. Good's very popular.

Well, you two have a little chit -chat about it and then call me back and let

know what you want to do, okay?

Okay, then. Lots of love. Bye.

Thank you for explaining packaging, and you're right. It is like flying back and

forth. Right, exactly, because it's all in one place. Thanks for lunch, by the

way. I don't usually forget my wallet, but I... Dr.

Good.

Um, Alanis Morissette got here. Okay, Lola.

Sorry.

How far is Morissette?

I'll just go and stick some of these on him.

Anyway, I should go. Get over here.

Okay.

Oh, my God. Tingling.

I'll bring a lasagna over to the beach house or the flat?

Flat. But not tonight. Tomorrow, right? I got to premiere tonight. All right.

Well, I'll just freeze it. Great. Hi, Elena.

Hi, Elena.

She may not remember me.

That's cool.

Okay.

Oh, my.

So I see you've been in anger management for 15 years?

Yes.

And you've been to court about 11 times. What happened with that other girl?

Samantha, she was doing backup for you.

Why did you make her swallow the Diet Coke bottle?

She was a little off tune one of the nights.

And I tolerated it for like three or four songs.

Do you hate everybody, Alana? No, not when I first meet them.

Oh, my God.

Heather Graham.

Fucking bang her. Oh, hey.

Hi. Dr. Myron Finkelstein. Yeah, Jeremy Berger. How are you? Good to see you.

You're a doctor, huh? Yeah.

Great. Excellent.

Oh, fantastic. Are you here for... Yeah, yeah. We're sort of seeing each other.

You're a doctor, huh? You know, I got this thing. It's a testicular... Shrink,

shrink. Oh, oh, oh. It has nothing to do with your balls.

Oh, great, great. Well, I mean, the first time I got an STD, it was in my

Have you been to sex addiction therapy before?

I don't have an addiction.

I'm not addicted.

You're not addicted to sex?

No.

That revolving door is shut for a while now? Probably forever.

Really? It doesn't actually work anymore.

So you're no longer a pair of flapping legs in the wind like an old schooner.

You do the head stuff.

Yeah, but that could be related.

It could be. It could be. I should give you a call. Are you here for... Just

dropping her off. Oh, yeah? And then I got a million appointments. All right,

ahead. I don't even wear a watch, but I know I do. If you want to talk about

your balls, anytime.

Fantastic.

Well, my other doctor told me to bring something that will help me.

um work through some of your anger is that a gun alana

yeah it's a special little one that i can hide and i can take it um

is this a penis for you well it has been a couple times

really yeah

All right, just let it go.

Lola, can you come in here for a second?

I need to go teach you.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Lola. I'm the receptionist.

So, where were you up to with the doctor?

Are you... You're not a doctor?

Not strictly, but feel free to unburden.

Unburden.

Hi, I'm... Lola, can you scootch over for a second?

I'm not going to hurt you. Oh, Alanis, and, you know, I'm not worried about

that.

What I'm concerned about is your relationships with men.

This is a man. I'm assuming you don't feel aggressive feelings towards him.

tell me, are you seeing anybody right now, Alanis?

A few people at the same time. A few people. Wow, that's a heart. Because I

started seeing somebody.

So it's monogamous.

I'm getting distracted. Isn't that crazy? I'm obviously madly in love. I'm

a lifetime movie.

What's his name? His name is Jeremy Berger.

And he's really cute. Yeah, I know him.

You know Jeremy?

Yeah, I really know him a little too well, actually.

I don't understand what that means.

Hey, how are you?

Oh, hi. Dr. Myron Finkelstein. Oh, hi. Willie Garson. Good to meet you.

You waiting for Dr. Good? Yes, I am.

Yep. You have an appointment?

Yeah. What time? Yeah.

Two. Hmm.

I think she forgot about you. Oh, I don't give a shit.

Yeah, because I said so.

Thanks, honey.

You're doing a terrific job.

It's like the burger salad.

It is, it is. I don't even have to give them the nod.

Yeah, they just automatically give it to me.

Okay. Yeah, I hope you don't mind that I ordered for you. Oh, no, I love it. I

do. I just make another decision in my life.

All right. Because the play here is amazing.

Oh, I know. And it's just so nice having a man around.

It's nice to be around.

You know what I mean?

Oh, is that today's form? Yeah, this is today's form.

You like the gamble?

A little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love it. Love the play.

Yeah, what do you like to play? I like to play poker.

Please don't say anything. I won't, I won't. Because she's going through this

whole, like, age, Grandma Moses.

You know what I, honestly, my dad taught me this.

Career resuscitation. You know what I mean? There's a whole, there's a whole

business in that. Well, I've got to build them up emotionally first. Okay.

Because I don't want to, you know, send them out. God, we could work together.

You know what I mean? You could build them up and then if they... I can't, I

can't tell you anymore. Okay, all right. I feel like I'm being, I'm like, I'm

crossing a line. But that's, that's pretty amazing. I know.

I mean, not officially yet, but yes, I know, I know.

And honestly, I would never want to cross the line at all, at all. But one

just one more. Oh, come on. One more before the main course.

Oh, motherfucker.

I can't buy a car. I don't know what it is. I think I'm cursed.

I'm not blaming you for that.

We're okay, right? I'm going to take her off. We're fine, but you know what?

I don't think she's ever going to come back. Are you good for this? I think she

wouldn't grow. It's about $1 ,600.

All right, you know what I think we can do?

Because I'm a little short right now. Why don't you come in here for some

sessions? We'll work it out.

You know me. I've opened up my heart to you. You know what I mean? I know, and I

protect it.

I protect it in a little casual pouch.

Then we seal it up and put it in the safe. I know, and I feel very safe, and

feel vulnerable yet giddy.

Goddamn. You're so fucking hot. Look at you. Oh, my God. You're so hot. I'd love

to just unbutton that fucking pearl.

Please let me look. Can I look just once under the table? Come on. Oh, my God.

I'm wearing panties. No, listen.

I really... This is so... You

ever meet somebody that just makes you tingle on your toes?

I certainly have, Elizabeth.

Mmm.

And I don't care if he's shorter than me.

That's what wedge shoes are for.

A gentleman can wear Cuban heels, you know, or lifts inside.

Yeah.

How are you?

Oh, hi. I'm Fred Willard. I have an appointment.

You're the doctor?

Yeah, I am. Oh, good? I'm good. How are you? Good. Fine, fine.

Good to see you. How are you, doctor?

Step right in there. Thank you.

Dr. Elizabeth Goodberger.

I mean, I can almost see the Christmas card.

Matching sweaters with one of those reindeer hats.

Yes, I think he doesn't celebrate the Yule Tide, does he? Thanks for seeing me

right away. I thought Dr.

Good was a woman.

Oh, Dr.

Elizabeth Good. Yeah, that could be. That's an interesting name. Is that

English? It could be used as a man's name, too. Yeah. Elizabeth.

Should I be lying down here? You can make yourself comfortable. I'm kind of

you're not a woman. But when a woman doctor will say...

Take off your clothes and get up on the table. I like to say, you first.

They hate that. I don't like that.

He seems to be very fond of you, Dr. Good.

He is.

I mean, I like to say that you look like you're glowing.

You just look different. There seems to be something less bad about you.

Well, the problem is, as I say, I'm an actor, as you know. Of course, yeah.

And you know my work, and I find I have...

Petty jealousies.

Not so much jealousies, but someone once said to me, do you ever really feel

better after you read the trades?

You know, read about... When someone doesn't get a job? Yeah, when someone's

being... Or fails, some sense of failure?

Yeah. It's perfectly normal.

It's perfectly normal. Is it? You know, if somebody sees a shrink?

No, I don't... Or they go into a deep depression? I'm happy.

Oh, my God.

Don't I have a two o 'clock?

It should be Fred Willard.

Now, I find myself getting jealous.

Even women actresses.

Is that crazy?

Myron, this is my patient.

Well, he was waiting.

Are you Dr. Good? This is Dr. Good. I'm good.

Who are you? I'm so sorry.

Please come with me. Your appointment is with me. He was waiting.

He said he was Dr.

Good. I said I was good. I said I was brilliant. I am.

By the way, she can't prescribe anything. Myron. So if you want... You

P -I -L -L -L? Freshly. Yeah, anytime. I might be back in a minute. I love your

work. Brilliant. I'm sorry, this guy stopped me out in the hall.

Said I'm Dr. Good.

So, sorry, is he not even a doctor, that guy?

He's a Freudian.

So Willie Garson referred you? Yeah, he's a terrific guy.

He's just terrific. Do you gamble, too? I do not gamble. I wish I did. You know,

Willie's a compulsive gambler.

Compulsive? Yeah.

Is he a compulsive loser, too?

Well, he's a loser in the broad sense of the word.

I feel... I don't know how to stretch out. You kind of feel like Sandra Dee if

sit like this. You feel unsafe?

No, but I just don't know. I can't really lay out here. But if I do this,

kind of an effeminate... You're very concerned with masculine and feminine,

aren't you? Yeah, is that bad?

No, not at all.

I was a little relieved with Dr... What's his name there?

You don't like to talk to women. Oh, I love it. I love it. But when it's in

professional...

I feel a little nervous.

I went to have a massage, and they said, do you want a man or a woman? And I

didn't. What do you say? If you say you want a man, they think, oh, God, this

guy's in a fruitcake. Do you want me to massage you?

Well, yeah.

But, I mean, I'm embarrassed to even say that. That would be wonderful. Why do

you feel uncomfortable with me?

Well, there's a male -female thing. So it's a sexual thing. Sexual tension,

yeah. Fred, I had a thought about what we were talking about before.

Oh, yeah. So, you know, the woman thing?

I'm Dr.

Finkelstein. I'm sorry.

Are you going to be in the rest of the afternoon? Yeah, because I just had a

great idea. All right.

He's a real doctor.

Hi. I don't have you in the book today.

No, I'm not. I'm here to collect something from Dr.

Finkelstein for Willie Garson. Really? Yeah, $1 ,600.

We could just settle this up.

I can probably cover it if you just give me a little time to go to the

bank during my lunch break.

All right, fair enough. That'd be great. Would you like to take a seat? Yeah, do

you mind if I accompany you to the bank?

Oh, of course. Okay, the quicker the better.

Hmm, okay.