Original subtitles

I've decided that there are a lot of people out there who have no money and

help. They need to talk to somebody, so I'm going to do pro bono work.

You're doing pro bono work from here? You know, after a while you have to give

back, so I'm going to talk to these people.

Nobody's paying.

They can't pay. No, they can't afford it. And they need help, and I'm going to

talk. You know, whatever time I have, I'll give them.

Oh, by the way, there's some kids coming in from a newspaper. I'm going to do an

interview with them.

What's the periodical?

What is it?

American Jewish Weekly.

Oh, the pamphlet in the waiting room. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's a short, you

one of those little newspapers. Good for you.

Good for you. Are you going to talk about your Jewishness?

I don't know. I'll kind of play it by ear, you know, because he doesn't

you know.

He's a kid with notes. Well, bless you. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't tell if I'm nervous or just excited because I'm meeting a big

You know, you heard of that guy, Pedro Alpo, Spanish guy, big in Spain and

America. And that's why I'm dressed up. You know, I don't get dressed up for my

therapist. She just brings me to a real good calming place so I can really go in

there and just bust his nuts.

That's not the right, I'm sorry.

This bench is not comfortable.

Good for us.

Hey, Mr. Dick. How are you? Good, thank you. Can I get you a treat?

No, no.

Miss Mary, can I get you a treat?

So nothing for you either?

Andy, oh, you brought your girlfriend.

See, the good doctor. All right, let's shake it out and lay it down. Yeah,

please. Let me, you know what, I should get your number because it was so nice

chatting. Hey, Lola, can you give her my cell number? You didn't give me your

cell number. Just Google it.

Hello, I'm Dr.

Finkelstein.

Marika Ishak.

Yes, come in.

That old woman's very nice. Very nice.

How are you feeling today?

Not good. Very shaky on edge. And I brought you, these are right from my

little red peppers. Mui caliente.

So a little goes a long way with those. Thank you, Andy. I enjoyed the last

batch.

I'm meeting a big director in just a few, like in an hour.

When you say you're meeting somebody, is it...

One of that director.

Oh, yeah. No, it's not one of those. You're really actually Well, I didn't

the job yet That's the thing is I'm not I'm feeling not grounded and I want you

to just take me back Like because you really do that for me. So did you have

agent or did you read about this in backstage?

No, I have an agent remember we talked about that was Yeah, my agent Hooked

this up.

I see.

Yeah, I'm very

Not grounded, and I would love if we could play one of those games. What

you usually do if you weren't grounded? You would take a drink, wouldn't you?

Well, yeah. What are we going to do now?

I'm thinking if you could just prescribe something.

You can't have pills anymore.

No, I know, but nobody needs to know.

No, but we're going to have to work on your strength.

And I'm talking about emotional strength. Yeah, that's what I'm

I'm going to do something.

I have a little bottle of... That's what I... That would help me out so much.

And then I could just go... Andy, this is what I want you to do. As this gets

closer, I want you to say no like you really mean it.

I could actually... If I could just take it... Andy, Andy.

I have a security man standing outside.

And also, this is empty.

Well, there's only a whiff of medication left.

The point is...

Andy, that you finally have a shot.

You're no longer a where are they now. You finally have a shot at coming back

and earning a little money because we know the kids are angry at you.

You know, this is your last chance.

I know, I know. You've been in rehab how many times? I lost count at nine.

No one's attracted to you anymore.

It's hard for you to get work.

You're eating only raw food.

I know. So what are we going to do?

I was hoping you could give me a quick prescription, but if you can't do that,

can we play one of those games that you do?

That really helped bring me to the here and now. All right, Andy, this is what

I'm going to do. I'm going to try to center you before you meet this Peruvian

producer. Don't eat those peppers.

I'm Andy Deck from a few years ago when I was a drunk and a pill popper. What do

you want to say to your old self, Andy?

No.

I think you're doing the best you can.

You have to say goodbye to the old Andy Dick. Goodbye. The new radio Andy Dick.

Goodbye. Yes.

I just did. Goodbye.

What else are we going to say? Goodbye pills. Goodbye drugs. Goodbye pills.

Goodbye drugs.

Goodbye young boys.

Goodbye. Yeah.

What are you afraid of?

Not working, you know. I'm meeting a big director.

No, we all hide behind our work. What are you really afraid of?

You know what that... Our session two weeks ago was the whole page six thing.

How many times can I be in page six in one year?

I've lost count.

I don't like it. And it's always, it's not true.

All that crap they write, you know that's not true. You're not the demon

No, I'm not the fucking demon seed.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

What are you afraid of, Andy? I'm not afraid of anything. Is that you? Are you

the devil?

You tell me, am I? Do you think I'm the devil incarnate?

Do you think you're the devil? No, I don't. I think I'm a very nice guy that

gets the shitty end of the stick every time.

I go out and I have one beer and suddenly I'm the fucking devil.

And by the way, I haven't had anything for a year.

Almost a full year.

It's been like over nine months. I am touching a lot of anger. It's been like

six months.

Andy, I'm sorry to keep you hanging on the end, but your time is up. What the?

Okay, you know what? I came here to keep you in a good place. I'm sorry. I want

to be grounded, and I'm meeting a big fucking Spanish director, and you come

here, and you won't even give me any fucking pill? I'm sorry. I've got the

capital L word coming in. Our time is up, and I think we've covered a lot of

ground, and I think I've helped you.

You are full of shit.

You're a professional. You call yourself a fucking doctor.

You're a doctor of bullshit.

You're a full of shit doctor. You're not a doctor. You're a bullshitter.

You're the pH fucking shit.

Fuck you. Fuck you.

I found the number on the internet. Do you want me to give it to Mary? No, fuck

no. Oh, good.

This is what I came for. That's a real doctor.

You know what? I'll pay for those, too.

Thank you. Thank you. Fuck! God damn it! I can't fucking get it right.

Ben did that. Yeah, they were here together. Ben walked out, and Christine

running after him.

And she... No, she was shouting.

It was great. He just ignored her. He just carried on walking downstairs, and

she was shouting back at him, and he was saying, the session's over, the

session's over. And you're nervous? I'm a wreck.

Shelby, come on. You've done the Grammys. You've done... I don't know

about this show, man.

I don't know. You've got to help me out. That's why I'm here. I wouldn't be here

on a show day. I don't know. Maybe I'm having flashbacks or something. I don't

know what's happening to me. Are any ex -lovers coming to the show tonight?

No, it's not a lover thing. I would feel that. I would be feeling that.

Now she's got Shelby, didn't she?

Yeah.

Duffy? Yeah, I can get him an autograph, sure.

What's his name?

Rudy. All right.

And what time did you start drinking?

I never quit.

Oh, all right. You know Daphna, that little voice in your head?

Is she being mean today? Is she maybe beating you up a little bit?

You know, I've tried so hard to forget about her, and I was fine until now.

Mm -hmm.

Thanks.

Shelby, do you think you could find it for my nephew?

No.

He's very ill.

What's his name?

Rudy.

Thank you, Lola.

All right, this is what I want to do.

I want to get you centered again, because obviously there's a lot of

your head saying all those... I'm not sure what the center is.

We're going to breathe you into it, okay?

So what we're going to do is some cognitive therapy through your body.

going to breathe through it, okay? So I want you to let go of your toes, and I

want you to breathe it in.

I want you to close your eyes.

You can be at the diner leaving 35 cents for a big piece of huckleberry pie.

You could be just digging dirt in the ditch with your sticks like you did as a

kid. I'm picking dirt. I like that.

I'm picking dirt. And you breathe it in, and I want you to let it go.

Get it all out. Breathe it out through your nose.

Okay, put your head back.

And I want you to get into a dream state.

Okay, this is going to work.

In through the diaphragm and out through the mouth. Wait, I'm confused about

that. Honey, in through the diaphragm and out through your nose. Is that

Yeah. Let it go. Let it go in your neck.

Good girl. Let it go in your neck.

There she is.

There's the little girl in an apron.

Breathe in, picking tomatoes and throwing them at the neighbor.

And breathe out.

Licking mayonnaise with a spatula.

There you go. Have a seat.

And remember, may I didn't get to the top of the food chain just eating soy.

That's for you. Have a seat. The food will be up in a few minutes.

Thanks. Hey, Doc. Hi. A little cold in your order.

I'm ready for you. How about this first?

Oh, fry. I wish I could. I've got patient comp. They're all fucked up.

Yeah. And then my sister is the whore of that one.

Really? Yeah.

Well, you know what? There's nothing about a caterpillar that tells you it's

going to grow up to be a butterfly.

Yeah. Buckminster Fuller.

Never think about this, Doc.

What we do for a living, very similar.

Our customers, clients come to us, and they have, like, an emptiness inside,

know, and we have to fill it up. I do it with fat burgers, and you do it with,

you know.

Anyway, maybe I'm wrong.

What's for you today?

No, I'm going to prescribe fat drink on the house. Oh, fat you.

That is so sweet.

Oh, all right. I gently crushed it. That's okay.

All right.

See you, Doc.

He was an asshole.

He really was. I've got to go.

Grow?

Lola, I'm going to need a duffel bag and you to come in here.

Oh, okay.

Dad, sleeping.

Where are we going?

We're just going to stick her in the back of her butt.

Pedro Almodovar. You got the job. Yeah, with the band. At the restaurant.

No, at the movie. Oh, Andy.

Right. Good for you.

Good for you.

I want to show you something.

American Jewish Weekly.

What is it? What the... Dick is... Okay, Andy, this

isn't good for me.

Good for you? That's not good for me.

I have a practice that's based on elegance and discretion.

And this violates what I like to call a golden dome.

I didn't even do anything.

This picture was...

This picture was taken by your receptionist right out there.

Right after I left it in my last session. If I were a dentist and

out with a gap tooth, what would that say about the doctor?

Who cares? How do you think I feel about crap like this? This is the kind of

tabloid bullshit that I have to deal with every day. And now it's in the

community? A Jewish paper?

We're taking a sip of the narcissistic bottle now. No, I'm not!

This is what I'm talking about. This kind of bullshit.

And now you're subscribing to this shit.

All right. It's the Jews, right? It's always the Jews. No, right now I'm

about you.

I'm talking about you.

You know what? If my insurance had some other pretty doctor, I would go there.

Why does everyone have to be pretty?

They don't. You can't construe everything.

What are you writing down?

You know what?

I'll hear you.

See you Thursday.

Yeah, I'll see you Thursday.