Original subtitles

♪ In-a-gadda-da-vida, honey ♪

I'm telling you, this isn't it.

It's probably, like, two roads and three houses.

We need to turn on the phone.

Dude, I'm telling you, we turn that phone on,

nothing good is happening.

Okay, well, then I don't know, we...

Alright, would you just calm down?

Turn it on but just for a second.

Thank you.

I'm not going to say I told you so.

- It's ringing. - Yeah, fucking waste of time.

She's not going to pick up the phone.

- Don't be like that. - Yeah. Okay.

Charlie, don't hang up. You were right.

The hitman at the wedding isn't just another mob heavy.

Hasp's son was killed by the Iguana.

Keep her talking. This will take a minute.

A-a-alright. One, hello.

Two, killed by a what?

N-not a what, a who.

The Iguana was killed by The Iguana.

Look, I-I-I don't want it, Luca,

but you're going to have to explain it to me.

The Iguana is the code name for the world's greatest assassin.

This guy's wanted by every government in the Western hemisphere.

He's a suspect in more than 50 assassinations.

And you, Charlie Cale, are now the cornerstone

of his plan to kill Beatrix Hasp.

It's why the he framed your friend,

it's why the pair of you got away, the Iguana wanted you to.

This whole thing is a setup.

Look, I-I-I'm sorry,

but there's just, uh, there's no way

that he could know I'm headed to Beatrix's.

But you are, aren't you?

So he did. The Iguana knows you are the only person

who can lead him to Hasp.

Cover your ears.

Cover your ears!

Both of them. Thank you.

Look, they're going to kill Alex, okay.

I mean, if not the mob, then this Iguana dude,

and if not him, some other mob.

So, like, o-our minutes are numbered here.

Come in.

You're a smart cookie, Charlie,

but you don't understand what you're up against.

The Iguana is a master of disguise.

He can look like anybody. I'm texting you a video right now.

What?

Oh, geez.

On the beach by the wedding venue.

You see what I'm talking about?

Look, dude, I-I know you're going

for some dramatic reveal here,

but you're going to have to explain it to me.

It's the Iguana's prosthetics. It's his disguise.

Huh? You see it?

The top left is his nose,

cheeks across the middle, lips and chin at the bottom.

How do you not see it?

I'm sorry, but what kind of a psycho would recognize

a flattened-out, mixed-up face?

I s... I see it.

The Iguana can look like anyone, okay,

and his disguises are flawless.

Charlie, if you lead this guy to Hasp,

if she dies, I cannot protect you.

FBI, CIA, NSA, they will all come after you.

You will spend the rest of your life in federal prison.

You know I'm not lying.

Tell me, do you know where Hasp is?

Almost there.

Shit.

Okay, well, they crossed over into Indiana.

Okay. Indiana. Great.

- No, not great. - We can just cross...

There are over 25 possible safe houses in the state,

if this is even their final destination.

This doesn't narrow it down enough to do a sweep.

Oh.

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about the divorce.

Jim told me what you're going through.

What I really don't want to do is talk

about my personal life with Agent Luca fucking Clark.

Okay.

Ah, man.

Yeah.

I mean, Luca's right. Yeah.

Ah, this...

this could be a setup.

Yeah.

I mean, if this Iguana guy is following us.

Could be a setup, but we don't know.

Alex, look, I want to protect you, okay?

But if we lead an international uber-assassin

to Beatrix Hasp's front door and just, what,

crossing our fingers hoping it goes okay, I...

It's alright. Yeah, you're right. We shouldn't risk it.

There's a truck stop coming up,

and we could get coffee and pie

and come up with a new strategy.

You're a good kid, Alex.

It's going to be alright, it's going to be okay.

Ugh! This piece of shit car.

Alright, man.

Now, remember, he's a master of disguise.

Jesus, any one of these guys could be him.

- Are you alright? - Me? No.

Paranoid as fuck right now.

Let's just get our food and get the fuck out of here.

- Any snack requests? - I don't know,

maybe some Butterfingers and, uh,

you know, uh, whatever looks good.

Actually, no, just water.

Water and, uh...

No, uh, get some of that freeze-dried taffy

and then Almond Joy and some of that jerky,

but not the sweet kind, you know, the good stuff.

Just get whatever looks good, okay?

Jesus, man.

Fucking lighter.

Smoking again.

This is cute.

Hey.

- Coffee? - Oh, hi.

Uh, two, please.

And, uh, two cheeseburgers, uh, garlic fries,

and, uh, a couple of Xanax if you got some.

I'm kidding.

There's a guy in the parking lot.

Oh. Uh...

He's got a BOGO deal going.

- Like a two for one? - Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Very quick on the fries.

Suspicious.

What's this?

"Grand Canyon Canyon."

It's a canyon named after the Grand Canyon.

It's like this big, big local attraction.

The lady in the store said that it's actually

more of a gorge.

A clandestine choice.

So any ideas cooking?

I don't know. Me and the fries are working at it.

You can't lead a trained killer to Hasp's door,

but I can't stop thinking, I put myself in his shoes,

we are the only ones that can get him to Hasp.

He's about to make a move, right?

Force our hand or going to just grab us

and beat it out of us.

Alright, look,

the way I figure it, all we have to do

is stay safe until Hasp testifies.

That's two weeks.

After that, whoever it is that hired this Mr. Chameleon,

you know, he goes off to jail, all this becomes a moot point.

Then you and me, well, we go square this with Beatrix

once she's out of danger.

That's right. That's right.

And you already outran a bunch of mob guys before, right?

Like, how hard can it be?

Yeah.

Just, uh, eat your fries.

Is that how you got that?

Oh, this? Uh...

Counter.

Cute.

Wait, what am I looking at?

Right hand.

There.

Shit. Okay.

It's the same hand.

It's the exact same position

where the Iguana had a cut.

He's the right height. He's the right weight.

It's him. I know it.

Shit!

Go, go, go!

Oyster girl!

He's going to kill us! Police!

- He's trying to hurt me and my friend! - What?

Hey! Hey! Oyster girl?

Oh! Oh, we lost him!

Holy shit! We lost the Iguana!

Oh, and they were beating him up!

Oh, yes, and the cops were there.

As long as the highway behind us stays clear.

Shit, Alex, Alex, we did it!

Okay, grab the map.

Grab the map, baby. Yes!

We are going to Bea's, and we are clearing your name!

I asked you here because I believe the Iguana is

on his way to kill Beatrix Hasp right now.

I need you each to release your three code words

so I can locate Hasp

and move her as soon as possible.

We have to get ahead of this.

We're hearing nothing on the wires.

Agency sources say the Iguana retired

more than a year ago.

Not a peep since Alaska.

Agent Clark, you've presented zero evidence

that the Iguana knows Hasp's location.

You've offered a farfetched theory

that the killing of Hasp's adopted son

is part of some complex plan

- designed by somebody... - The Iguana.

To reveal where Hasp is.

You argue because this somebody...

The Iguana.

Believes that an oyster-shucking drifter

will take him there.

I mean, isn't it more likely that the Iguana is hoping

that you do exactly what you're doing?

Asking us to break a triple blind protection

so you can lead him there yourself?

I think we can all agree that the only way to keep

Beatrix Hasp safe

is not to reveal her location to anyone,

even ourselves.

- Ma'am, you... - Agent Clark,

the whole reason we split the three-word code,

identifying Hasp's location between our agencies,

is so that no one agency, or agent,

can work out where she is.

It's the only way to keep this witness safe.

And we must keep this witness safe, Agent Clark.

But I'm saying I believe the location has already

been compromised.

- By this girl? - Yes.

You have to understand,

Charlie Cale has an uncanny talent

for figuring out things that nobody else can.

She's a force of nature, crime-solving genius.

She has the detail detection of a hawk,

the logical meticulousness of Sherlock Holmes,

and the stubborn persistence of an English bulldog at lunchtime.

She can out-crack the NSA, outsmart the CIA,

and she could frankly run the FBI better than anyone

in this room, including me.

So underestimate her at your peril.

I think we're done here.

Here we go. Here we go.

So I'm going to go in first, alright?

Uh, give her a little primer, you know,

before we put you in the firing squad.

Okay.

Oh, fuck.

I got a bad feeling.

Jesus.

Why am I so nervous?

You got any gum in there?

♪ Give that breath long-lasting freshness ♪

♪ With Big Red ♪

Alright, listen to me, uh...

anything goes wrong, anything feels weird,

just slam on that horn, okay?

Alright.

I'll be back in a second.

Thank you.

I got you.

Oh.

Shit. Alex!

Shit, shit, shit! Shit, shit, shit!

Shit! Hey!

Oh.

Shit.

Oh, shit.

Shit.

Jesus Christ!

Shit.

Oh, geez.

Shit, shit, shit!

Oh, shit. Fuck.

You have only 10 seconds to do this.

There's quite a bit at stake here.

- Good luck. - "Back porch."

You got it!

Yeah, I did!

Adrian, memories and money go together.

$50,000!

- Oh, my God! - Which means

she has 7,900...

Beatrix. Shit.

$598.

Who needs all the rounds?

Beatrix.

Are you here?

Shit.

Category is "phrase" and off we go.

Oh, my God. Beatrix?

Tavaris?

"Right in the butt"?

- Jesus. - Charlie.

No.

Oh, my God, Charlie.

Charlie.

Hey, skink.

Cut the shit.

Come on out.

I know who you are.

I was just fucking with you.

Couldn't resist.

Shouldn't you be dying of anaphylaxis

caused by a fatal cinnamon allergy?

I'm severely, like deathly allergic to cinnamon.

All true.

You know what's funny?

The amount of lies I've told you,

the amount of mundane made-up details I've had to keep track of,

it has been bonkers.

I never expected I'd get taken down

by a stick of Big Red, though.

Always wondered if you were out there,

and now I found you.

The one person in the world who can lie to me.

Technically, I found you.

Okay, so, uh, how do you do it?

Huh? You got, like, a trick or something?

Like, you only use certain words,

so technically you're not lying?

No. I've lied to you.

Over and over.

Cool.

So you're the world's biggest sociopath.

Jesus!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Sudden hot flash. You mind? I'm of an age.

Fucking Christ. Really, Alex.

And all for this, right?

All to get to Beatrix Hasp.

I mean, Jesus, lady, wasn't there an easier way?

I mean, I'm doing the math here, you know.

Um, seems like a lot of work.

You invented a whole other person.

Like, is there anything that you didn't lie to me about?

Yes. There was one thing.

I wasn't lying at the wedding,

when we first met.

I really was at an all-time low.

My entire adult life,

I've been deceiving and killing

some of the most powerful people in the world.

It was always so easy.

I've seduced and murdered movie stars,

I've killed kings and queens,

dukes, viscounts, barons, countesses.

When the Vatican wanted to put out a contract

on the sitting Pope...

they called me.

- You killed a pope? - No.

Always good to have a line.

Cheap fuckers wouldn't make my rate.

The last few years though,

a feeling had started to settle over me.

I was taking out some CEO in a panic room

300 feet under the Alaskan tundra.

Nobody knows you're here.

It took months of research and planning.

Nobody knows you're here.

I traveled there on foot

a hundred miles so that I could not be detected.

I had to wrestle a polar bear to the death.

Nobody knows you're here.

And when it was finally done...

I realized what that feeling was.

I was bored.

It just wasn't a challenge anymore.

And without that, I was dead inside.

Two weeks before we met, I hit an inflection point.

Luckily, at that very moment,

my agent called.

I'm sorry, you have an agent?

Talk about world's biggest sociopath.

I know you're out of the game, Iggy,

but hear me out.

I've got the perfect job.

A real noisy comeback.

Beatrix Hasp.

She's about to testify

against the entire East Coast mob,

and there is a lot of money on the table to get her gone.

A fucking mob hit?

I told you no more boring jobs.

Wait, listen.

Nobody will take it.

They say it can't be done.

The FBI's got this broad

in some crazy unbreakable protection program.

She's been invisible since the day they arrested her.

- I'm hanging up. - Hold on!

Here it is: there's only one person left in the world

who has any connection to Beatrix Hasp,

and get this, honey,

it's impossible to lie to her.

Everyone can be lied to, Cedric.

Not this gal.

Charlie Cale is a bonafide human lie detector.

Infallible, every time.

Let me send you her file.

I haven't been caught in a lie

since I was 5 years old.

And that was only because I didn't know

you could kill witnesses.

Well, you actually can't.

When I realized my kryptonite might exist,

I couldn't wait to meet you.

So I designed a test.

The coffee!

One black coffee,

and what's the most disgusting beverage

you have here?

Butterscotch pumpkin mochaccino.

It's like drinking a candle.

That's perfect.

Uh, do you want this coffee?

This was the moment.

Could I lie to you?

Uh, it's just a regular black coffee,

they accidentally made me two.

It required total suppression of my involuntary responses.

Heart rate, adrenaline,

body temperature, saliva production,

oxygen concentration.

I even had to control my sinuses.

Not coffee.

Not controlling the presentational effects,

but choking off the roots of my humanity.

They messed it up.

I'm so sorry.

It took everything I had.

And I said it was black coffee, I lied, that's awful.

It was exhilarating.

It's fine. You're trying to do something nice.

And-and you didn't lie.

I went home,

hooked up in a hydration IV,

and slept for 26 hours.

I'd never been happier.

Lying to you.

I felt like an Olympic athlete

pushing beyond what's physically possible.

I'd never struggled before, not once.

Lying to you was like great sex...

I assume.

I don't really do physical pleasure.

Well, that's unfortunate.

And it never got easier.

Every single time I lied to you,

and I lied to you a lot,

it was the same Herculean act.

And even then, I could tell I was just

barely getting it over the net.

One slight slip-up in concentration

and you'd detect me.

I see.

But lying to you was just the start.

To find my way to Hasp,

I had to earn your complete trust.

That's when I got my lucky break.

- The murder at the gym. - The murder at the gym.

Oh, jackpot!

I couldn't have planned it better.

I became your kooky little Watson,

and, yeah, you lapped it up.

After that, cracking the Charlie code was easy.

I'm sorry, uh, what's the Charlie code?

It's not complicated.

You're a compulsive do-gooder. Simple as that.

You're a sucker

for the world's victims and losers.

You know what, I think, uh,

I think I, uh...

I think I just like people.

Do you?

Sure.

All they do is lie to you, all the time.

You ask me a question and I lie,

who'd you just have a conversation with?

Nobody.

Charlie, you've been talking to nobody your whole life.

I saw how much it meant to you.

Not being lied to for once.

You loved it.

Fine. I get it.

Then what?

And then I just had to get into some hot water

that only Beatrix Hasp could pull me out of.

Once I uncovered Hasp's adopted son...

everything fell into place.

First, I hired the world's second greatest assassin.

Total schnook.

Then I got him to frame me.

Stick with the plan.

Find a patsy to take the fall,

and we'll double your fee to help compensate

for the added risk.

He was room temperature butter in my hands.

And that leads us to this moment here.

I'm so sorry.

What happened at the truck stop?

I had to, uh, improvise that one.

Hey, want an oyster?

Oyster?

Well, well,

my initial impression still stands.

I mean, all that for a mob hit.

Like, do you get paid by the hour or something?

All because of you, Charlie Cale,

the greatest challenge of my career.

You gave me a reason to live.

Wow.

Well, here's some honesty for you.

Even now, here,

hearing you say those words,

it still just sends a little zing through my heart.

I guess I, I can't suppress

that root of my humanity stuff,

which is...

it's kind of fucked up,

but it's also kind of a relief in a way, you know?

It means I'll never be you.

I really wish I didn't have to kill you.

Ah, yeah, shit.

Well, I figured that might be coming.

But, hey, won't killing me mean that you got nobody left

to light your fire?

You just got to go back to that meaningless thrum

of nihilistic dread.

Probably.

- What did you do? - Oh, me?

Oh, I, uh... I lit your fire.

Clever girl.

We have a location for Hasp! Greenville, Indiana.

Contact local PD,

tell them to send everyone they have to that address right now.

You want an extraction team for Hasp?

Nope. Tell them to bring firepower.

Suspect is armed and dangerous.

Beatrix Hasp is likely dead.

I'm on my way.

Hostage! She's got a hostage!

Stand down, do not engage.

Ow! Geez!

Federal agents are en route and will intercept.

- Do not engage. - Geez.

Ouch! Necessary?

Fuck!

So... what now?

Okay.

I spoke to headquarters.

Okay, we can take out the car!

I'm not putting our hostage in danger.

There's still time.

Fucking Christ! We need to act!

Stand by! The hostage has a plan.

I know how that sounds but just wait.

Is there a plan?

Maybe cut a deal?

You know, maybe you could negotiate

down to minimum security?

They're not catching me, Charlie.

Explain to me how that interacts with reality.

I've got an order straight from the top to take out the car.

We need to buy her more time.

Get me Agent Darville on the line.

- Agent Darville can't help you. - Then get me the director!

No, Luca.

The top, top.

You haven't been paying attention.

I fooled the unfoolable Charlie Cale.

The closest thing I'll ever have to a nemesis.

So what's left?

This is the end of the road.

You're wrong.

Okay, you can't lie to me.

See, you've never done it when I'm trying to catch you.

And I don't think you can.

Jesus!

They just turned onto a dirt road

towards Grand Canyon Canyon, she's trying to lose us.

There's no way out of there.

This dirt road dead ends at the overlook.

- Are you paying attention now? - Uh-huh.

Two truths and a lie. Fair fight.

You win, I'll have an equal in the world.

Sherlock to my Moriarty.

And that'll be fun.

That's reason for us to live.

- And if you win? - Ready?

When I was a kid, I had a dog named Puddles.

I'm double-jointed.

I'm going to drive us off this cliff

no matter who wins this game.

True.

True.

Bullshit.

You win.

Oh! This piece of shit car!

♪ Trailer for sale or rent ♪

♪ Rooms to let, 50 cents ♪

♪ No phone, no pool, no pets ♪

♪ I ain't got no cigarettes ♪

♪ I'm a man of means by no means ♪

♪ King of the road ♪

This piece of shit car!

Oh, shit!

Oh, fuck!

Fuck!

Oh! Oh, fuck!

Oh, my God! Fuck! Luca!

Oh, shit! Wait, wait!

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God. Oh, shit.

Not bad for two people under 5'5", huh?

I'm 5'7".

I'll allow it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck!

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry about Beatrix,

and you were right.

Catching up real quick here.

Your shuck buddy was the Iguana

and she could lie to you?

Long story short, uh, she could until she couldn't.

Doesn't matter now.

Agent Clark, any sign of the suspects?

- Back up. - Ooh.

Uh, I don't see anyone up here.

Ah, bullshit.

Oh, sorry about that. Reflex.

Charlie, it's a stroke of luck I found you first.

They're sweeping the canyon.

You can get me out of this, right? Like, uh...

You know, I mean, you could just tell them...

I mean, I was trying to help, right?

You just aided and abetted a serial killer,

you got a federal witness killed,

you revealed the location of a WITSEC safe house.

If I keep listing the federal crimes

you've committed, they'll be here.

Okay. Uh...

When you put it that way.

Yeesh.

You're officially wanted by the FBI.

Makes sense.

Yeah.

Got it.

Two miles south, there's a service road

that'll take you back to the highway.

You're lettin' me go?

Luca.

Call it a head start.

Oh, thank you.

Thanks.

This wind.

You look really cold.

No, it's okay, I'll be okay.

There's a service road two miles south.

Yeah, I got it.

It's cool.

Yeah.

You take this.

Thanks, Luca.

Next time, Charlie...

I will arrest you.

I mean, I have to at this point.

Hey, go now. Now scurry on.

- Bye. - Yeah, go.

- Okay. - Go a little faster, please.

- Okay, I'm running, Luca. - Yeah.

♪ Take what you need you think will last ♪

♪ But whatever it is you think you need ♪

Agent Clark, any sign of the suspects?

♪ You better grab it fast ♪

That's a negative, nothing up here.

♪ Yonder stands your orphan with his gun ♪

Hey, can I get a ride?

Can I get a ride?

Fuck no. That dog's not with me.

Where'd you come from?

You're fucking up my whole shit.

You're screwing up my ride.

Alright, there you go, off you go.

Shit.

Jesus Christ.

No. You're going to get hurt.

Come here.

Jesus, you're shivering.

Hey!

How's it going?

Oh, fuck yes.

Hey, thanks for stopping.

So where are you headed?

Oh, well, I guess that's a deceptively profound question.

Well, I'm going to Wichita.

Works for me.

You mind? I found a scamp.

Oh, well, hello.

Uh, I'm Charlie, by the way.

Thanks for the ride.

♪ The vagabond who's rapping at your door ♪

♪ Is standing in the clothes that you once wore ♪

♪ Strike another match, let's go start anew ♪

♪ 'Cause it's all over now, Baby Blue ♪

♪ It's all over now, Baby Blue ♪