Original subtitles

The Lucy Desi Comedy Hour.

With special guest star, Fred McMurray.

With Vivian Vance, William Froley, and Little Ricky.

I want to show you something while Ricky's up in the observation car. Close

door.

Sit down.

Did you wake me up out of a sound snooze just to show us another one of those

dizzy new hats of yours? Oh, you got a new hat to go with your new hairdo.

Well?

Well, I admit it looks better than most of your hats.

Oh, Fred.

What is that? It's a Geiger counter to hunt uranium with while we're up in Las

Vegas. A Geiger counter? Yeah.

Now, Lucy, I thought when you asked Ricky if you could go uranium hunting,

put his foot down.

Oh, he's put down so many feet, I feel like I'm married to a Cuban centipede.

If you do go, he'll find out.

How? While we're hunting uranium, he'll be rehearsing at the hotel.

We? Don't include us. We're not going along with this harebrained scheme.

Oh, come on, Fred. Who knows?

Maybe we'll find uranium.

Sure. If you think I'm going to hike around in the blazing hot sun with you

you're crazy. Fred, it might interest you to know that the government pays a

bonus of $10 ,000 to anybody that discovers uranium.

Well, I hope you packed my boots and Beth's helmet.

You hit him right where he lived.

How do you work this thing? How does it work? It's easy. Now, look. Sit down.

You turn this on like this. Yeah. And then you hold this up to your ear. I'll

hold it.

And then, when it gets near uranium, it starts to click. Now, listen.

Holy cow, you've already found some.

Where'd you get this? Calm down, Fred. That's just the sample that they give

to test the Geiger counter with.

You mean that's all there is to it? When you hear that clicking sound, you know

you found uranium? Well, sometimes, but not always. It also clicks if you hold

it near a wristwatch or an alarm clock that has a radium dial, you know.

You beautiful little thing, you.

He hasn't kissed me like that in 20 years.

You haven't made me click like that in 20 years.

Here we are, son.

Hi.

Hi, honey.

Did you have a good time up in the observation car?

Uh -huh.

Listen, tell Mommy who we run into that she would like to meet. Who, who?

Scotty Lawrence.

Scotty Lawrence?

that she would like to meet. Fred McMurray. Fred McMurray. Fred McMurray.

he remembered me from Hollywood. I told him you'd like to meet us and he said

he'll stop by. He'll be here in a minute. You mean we're going to meet

McMurray right now?

He's staying at the Sands too.

Hello, Lucy. And the one that pushed you down is our friend, Ethel Mertz. Hello,

Mr. McMurray.

This is my band manager, Fred Mertz. Always glad to meet another friend. How

you, Fred?

My, this is an unexpected thrill, Mr.

McMurray. Well, thank you.

I hear we're all staying at the same hotel.

Yes, I understand we are.

How long are you going to be there?

Just a couple of days. Let's see, we get into Vegas on Wednesday, and my wife's

arriving up from Los Angeles on Friday. But we'll be there for the weekend. Oh.

His wife is June Haver.

His wife is June Haver? His wife is June Haver.

I know.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Mr. McMurray, I've always just loved you on the screen.

Well, thank you.

You're not bad close -up, either.

Well,

you know, it is kind of cozy in here at that.

Oh,

don't go. We're just getting to know each other. Oh, I wasn't going. I was

going to tie my shoe.

Oh.

My,

what a lovely watch.

She gave it to me. Oh, as a radium dial.

Yes, uh -huh. It stopped.

It has?

Honey, Mr.

McMurray would like to tie his shoe.

I can tie my

own shoe. No, no, no, I'll do it.

Look, you don't have to do that. Oh, yes, I do.

Just think what my friends will say when they find out that I tied Fred

McMurray's shoe.

But you're tying the wrong one.

It is a little crowded in here. Maybe you better go back to your own place so

you can relax and stretch out and be comfortable, huh?

Maybe you're right.

Is there anything wrong?

No.

No, nothing at all.

You just... You just tied my shoes together.

Is little Ricky here?

No, he's gone to Boulder Dam with Scotty and his mother. Oh, I've got something

for him. What?

Ricky Ricardo Jr.

elected sheriff?

Oh, where did you ever get that?

I had it printed at the novelty store downtown.

Oh, that's cute.

I'll give it to him when he comes back. Okay.

Hurry up. Now you're talking.

Make it snappy. All right. Really hurry.

to see if I could bring in this bed for a landing.

Lucy?

I, uh, I think I'll take a nap. I'm tired. Good night.

personal, dear, but you've never told me anything distinctly in your whole life.

I said no.

N -O.

Is that clear?

Yes, that's pretty clear.

Are you ready?

Hi,

Grant.

What's up? The jig.

Now, don't tell me that you two were mixed up in this crazy scheme.

I don't think picking up 10 ,000 bucks is crazy.

The government pays a bonus of $10 ,000 to anybody who discovers uranium.

Oh, now, look, I already told Lucy that they discover uranium in northern

Nevada, not around Las Vegas.

Besides, I don't want you out there in the middle of the desert all by

You might get lost.

Oh, how could I get lost? Fred will be with us. Oh, great.

With his sense of direction, he can find his way out of a telephone booth.

You're always trying to spoil my fun. Never mind.

I'll have to go to rehearsal. But, Ricky... I don't want to hear one more

about it.

Well, once it looks like you're stymied, don't be too sure. There's more than

one way to skin a Cuban cat.

change his mind about uranium hunting. You did? How?

I went downtown this afternoon and had this printed.

Big uranium strike outside Las Vegas.

Yeah, and listen to this. Las Vegas was in an uproar today as word spread like

wildfire that one of the country's biggest uranium strikes had been

right outside of town.

What do you think?

I think some of that henna has seeped through and rusted your brain.

Ricky'll never fall for a phony story like that.

Well, at least you'll have to give me an E for effort.

All I can give you is P for punk. All right, all right.

We'll get Fred.

Okay, we'll meet you down in the patio in 15 minutes, huh?

Okay.

Come in.

Oh, I was just coming in to turn down the bed. All right, go ahead, dear. I'm

just leaving.

Well, I'd like to explain. Anyway, you see, I wanted to go uranium hunting,

well, Ricky said that I couldn't, and I...

Are you upset

about something?

No, no. Why do you ask?

You just lit the filter end of your cigarette.

You are upset about something, aren't you?

Could I help?

I'm afraid I'm beyond help.

Well, why don't you tell somebody about it? Maybe you'll feel better.

Maybe you're right.

You see, my business manager is very strict.

And I was allowed only a certain amount of money to gamble with while I'm here

in Las Vegas. And I don't know what happened. I just kept putting those

in that machine.

Before I knew it, I'd lost twice my allowance.

courage to call and break the news.

Well, I'm just liable to get killed.

Oh, come now. Can't be that bad. After all, it's your money.

But you don't know my business manager.

Well, who is this big bully that handles your money?

My wife, June.

You mean a little tiny thing like June's got a great big guy like you under her

thumb? Well, she may be tiny, but she has an awfully big thumb.

Well, I don't get it.

How can you be so meek and real like... and be so brave in pictures?

Heavy makeup.

Well, how much did you lose, anyway?

$100.

You mean the wife of a big movie star like you is going to get upset over

Look, Lucy, my Junie is a lovely, beautiful, wonderful girl.

But when it comes to finance, she's... Well, in money matters, she's just a

little... Well, she's tight. That's what she is.

mean. I'm married to one of those two.

That's why I thought I'd call her at home. You know, just I thought I might

her a chance to calm down a little bit before she gets up here the day after

tomorrow. That's a very good idea. Go and call her now and get it over with.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Well, maybe a rehearsal would help.

How do you mean? Well, let's pretend that I'm June and you call me in here.

How's that?

Maybe that would help.

Okay.

My number is 311.

311. Yeah.

What will I say?

Fred, you just be strong and tell the truth.

Hello. Is that you, Juniebug?

Yes. Is that you?

What does she call you?

Oh.

Freddie Bear.

Freddie Bear?

Yes, is that you, Freddie Bear?

What's new?

Well, Judy Bug, I have something to tell you.

Oh, what is it, dear?

Well, Freddie Bear has been a naughty boy.

Oh, what do you mean?

Well, he lost a hundred dollars gambling.

Go ahead and have a good time, and I'll see you in a couple of days.

Thanks, Julie, boy.

Bye.

Bye.

Hey, that was a cinch. Nothing to it.

Now go on in there and call June. Oh, but I just... Now

you just march in there like a man and...

Face the consequences once you get to it. Oh.

Look, how would you like to take your mind off your troubles and join the

Mertzes and me for dinner? It's Ricky's opening night.

Oh, that'd be very nice. I'd like to. I think that's a good idea. I think that's

a very good idea.

Now, don't even think about it.

Hey.

What's the matter with him? Oh,

there you are. Oh, hello, Mr. McMurray. Oh, hello. Mr.

McMurray's going to have dinner with us. Oh, that's wonderful.

After 8 .15.

Come on, baby.

Find some uranium for Daddy before Mummy finds Daddy.

Hi. Hi, hi.

Oh, hi.

Hi, Fred.

Hello, Fred. Listen, did you two discover anything?

Yep, we discovered we're sick and tired of each other.

And we didn't need a Geiger counter for that.

How about you?

No, not a thing.

No. You?

No. Oh, sure, you found something. We heard you yelling clear across the

Oh, that wasn't uranium. I backed into some cactus.

Jack from the show.

Oh, Jack and Trotter canceled the show tonight.

Everybody's out looking for uranium.

Yeah, the whole town's gone crazy. You know, they even put the claims office

right in the middle of the lobby of the Sands.

Well, that's handy. You know, you can make a fortune and lose it all in the

place. Well,

what do you say we fix a little dinner and...

as you look.

Don't go too far. You might get lost.

It's getting dark soon.

We'll just look right around.

This whole thing can be settled easily and fairly. Certainly.

I found it first.

Hold it!

Now,

look, there's only one fair way to settle this thing. We'll split the $10

three ways.

That's agreeable with me. All right.

Oh, no, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. It won't come out even.

Two of us will get $3 ,333, and one of us will get $3 ,334.

Now, who gets the extra buck?

Oh!

Stay out of this, Ethel. This is business.

All right, Fred, you get the extra buck. You're the tightest.

Thank you, Rick. You're welcome.

Now, let me see. What was that?

Oh! Oh, I can hear it. Oh, look at this.

Oh!

James' office will be closed. Yeah, he's probably right.

Besides, we don't want to leave this spot on guard there all night. You

don't we, don't?

Oh, now let's get organized. What do we do? Well, now, Fred, you and I will

build a fire. Fred, I'll get some wood. You girls get the food. Okay, okay. And

will you get the blankets?

Sure, I will. Here, you take it. All right.

Harry, Harry,

Harry. You folks must be looking for uranium.

Ah. Find anything?

You don't go around blabbing to everybody that you found uranium.

Why not? Because you don't know who to trust. Well, in a case like this, you

can't even trust your best friend.

I hate to say this, but he's getting in his car.

So? Well, nothing except, well, he's the one that was talking about not being

able to trust your best friend.

You know him better than I do. You don't think he'd try to sneak off and beat us

to the claims office, do you?

Just a minute. What are you saying? Well, I know it sounds awful, but after

there is 10 ,000 bucks at stake, and well, you know how he is about money.

Now, wait a minute. Now, Fred Merz might be a cheapskate, but he's an honest

cheapskate.

Good night, Fred.

I liked the way I was wrong.

I'm sorry.

Well, you should be.

Fred McMurray say anything like that about Fred Murch if he wasn't thinking

same thing himself.

What are you talking about?

I happen to know that he needs money desperately.

And any man that's as scared of his wife as he is will do anything.

Now, you're being ridiculous.

I am not.

I haven't trusted him since I saw him in double indemnity.

Yeah, I think I'll sleep in my car.

No, I don't like coyotes either.

Yeah.

We better sleep in our car, too.

That old slow thing?

What's slow got to do with it? Oh, I hear coyotes run very fast.

Oh. Well, then maybe we better all stick together around here close like. Yeah,

yeah. Then we can watch each other. Yes. For protection.

Yeah, if there's anything a coyote hates, it's a crowd, you know.

They hate crowds. Yeah.

Well, maybe we'd better all just stay around here. I think so. I think we'd

better all just sleep right here. Yeah. It's better that way. Yeah. It's safe.

All together. Yeah.

I don't care what...

the car warmed up so we won't be left behind when we all leave for the claims

office.

Okay, that's a good idea.

Where's the crank?

Here. Okay, turn it over.

How about you doing the cranking for a change? All right, all right.

Now get behind the wheel and do what I tell you. Okay.

Tired the spark and set the throttle.

How's that?

Oh, no, you turned on the lights.

The spark and the throttle are those two things on the wheel.

Oh. Oh.

Look out!

else went that way.

We haven't passed the mercies.

You got a car I could rent?

Nope. Ain't you got one?

I got stuck about 20 miles back here.

How'd you happen to get here?

By rail.

Don't stop here. How'd you happen to get off?

My arms got tired.

How far is it to Las Vegas?

About 30 miles.

If I'm going to have to hitch, I'd better get cleaned up.

Mind if I use your washroom?

On the back.

Thanks.

Would you mind checking this tire for me, please? You bet.

I'm thirsty, honey.

Cold sody pop inside.

Come on. Let's get a drink. We haven't got time for that. I'm sure we have.

We're way ahead of them now. Come on.

Help yourself. I'll be right with you. Okay.

It means water.

He knows what I mean.

Put no water in there until it cools off. About half an hour. Oh, no.

Well, Ethel, we're poor again.

Oh.

Fred, three cargos are here.

I got an idea. Get me the rope out of the back seat. What for?

You'll see.

Give it here.

They must be inside.

Well, don't just stand there. Keep a lookout.

Okay.

Okay, jump in.

still can shake him.

How can he go that fast in that old jalopy? Oh, you know how Fred is about

money. He must be whipping it.

What's he trying to do? Kill us all?

Well, one thing, we'll all get there at the same time. Are you talking about the

claims office or heaven?

How fast are we going?

I don't know.

The needle on the speedometer went around twice and then flew off.

with us now.

He's still there.

What is this crazy?

How can their car go this fast?

It can't unless he's hooked on to it.

Yeah. And to think you were once our best friend.

Well, we're your best enemies now.

Come on. Wait a minute.

What are you going to do, leave us out here on the desert?

Your two best friends?

Your three best friends?

How did he get here?

I used to ride on the spare tire.

What a sneaky thing to do.

without explaining to June about that money, she'll kill me.

You're done.

What do we do now, dear?

Welcome to the Las Vegas Rotter's Club.

was dark.

Too bad.

Say, I'd like to have a little talk with you. And I'd

like to have a little talk with you.

I'd like to have a little talk with you.

Anybody got a sample? Yes, sir. I got it right here.

Yeah, but don't forget I got a third of that, you claim jumper.

Yeah, me too. Who are you calling a claim jumper? You're the one that jumped

first trying to sneak out on us this morning. Yeah. We weren't trying to

out. We were just trying to warm up the car.

You're the ones that went rushing by trying to beat us out. We weren't trying

beat you out.

We thought you were trying to beat us out.

I only started because I thought you were all trying to leave me behind.

things happen? What? We've discovered uranium.

Who's we?

Oh, I want you to meet my fellow claim jumpers. I mean, uranium jumpers. The

Mertzes and the Ricardos. This is my wife, Judy. Oh, yeah, we know you.

Oh, yeah, we know. We've seen you in the movies a lot of times, yes. Nice to

meet you.

I guess now I can tell you I lost $100 gambling.

Now, you're not going to be mad.

Judy, bud.

Look, after all, I'm going to get a third of $10 ,000.

Well, how can I be mad?

Uranium here in Nevada is found in limonite rock. This is batholith.

Comes from Montana.

Montana? Were we in Montana?

I don't think so. Of course we were. We found that about 40 miles out of town.

Well, if you did, somebody put it there. You know, this looks like one of those

samples you get when you buy a Geiger counter.

Well, mine didn't come with a sample.

No, neither did mine.

What about the big strike? Yeah, what about that?

Well, I just found out that that was a hoax. A hoax?

Yeah, it all started when somebody got a phony newspaper headline printed in a

local novelty shop.

The whole town's up in arms about it.

Have they any idea who did it?

No, not yet.

But they got a clue.

The shopkeeper said it was a tall, red -headed woman.