Original subtitles

Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our new

show.

It's very nice to be back with you again.

Lucy and I sincerely hope that you're going to enjoy our program this year.

And we're sure that you're going to get a big thrill out of seeing the brand new

1958 Force in our program tonight.

We have some wonderful guests lined up for you.

What's the matter? It's time to do the show.

Oh, time to do the show. I'll see you in a minute.

And the four dealers of your community present the new Lucille Ball

Desi Arnaz Show.

With guest stars Ann

Southern, Cesar Romero, Rudy Vallee,

and a hopper.

And, of course, Vivian Beck, William Frawley, and Little Ricky.

Here she is. She's coming up the drive.

Who is she?

Hedda Hopper. Who's Hedda Hopper? Oh, she's a famous columnist, darling, and

she's going to do a story on how Mommy and Daddy first met.

Oh, dear.

I'm so nervous, I don't know what I... There she is!

Honey, honey, now mind your manners in front of Hedda Hopper, see? And for

goodness sake, don't say anything about her funny hat.

Hello!

Nice to see you.

Thank you. Do you remember Lucy?

Why, of course. How are you, Lucy?

Fine, Miss Hopper. This is our little Ricky.

Well, hello, little Ricky. I have a granddaughter just about your same age.

do you... Miss Hopper, I'm not supposed to say anything about this funny hat.

That's all right. Everybody makes fun of my hat. I'd be furious if they didn't.

You know, Bob Hope says it's the only hat in Hollywood that gives him hay

Oh, no.

Well, won't you sit down, Miss Hopper? Sit down, please.

Here, son.

Now, let's get right down to business. Okay.

How did you two people first meet? Well, I was in Havana, as you know. I was

living down there. Hi.

Hi there.

Hi. Oh, we didn't know you had company.

We'll come back later.

Yes, we'll come back later. Okay, you do that. Now, where were we?

Miss Hopper, these are our best friends, the Mertes.

Miss Hedda Hopper. Oh, how do you do, Miss Hopper?

I'm doing an article on how Lucy and Ricky first met.

Oh, well, we were there at the time.

But we'll come back later. Yes, we'll come back later.

Well, if you were there, maybe you could help fill in some of the details.

Well, now, if you insist.

See, we were on this tropical cruise.

It was our honeymoon.

Honeymoon? You'd already been married 12 years.

Well, it was a sort of a belated honeymoon.

Yeah, I wanted to be sure the marriage would last before I spent a lot of dough

on a trip like that.

Don't print that in your story.

Maybe we'd better start at the very beginning.

Now tell me, how did you two meet? Well, I think

it would be better if one person spoke at a time. So do

I.

You see, it all started 17 years ago.

I was the secretary in New York, and this friend of mine, Susie McNamara, she

was the secretary in the same office. And we saved our money to go on this

cruise. You see, Susie and I were looking for some culture.

The way I remember, you had your hooks out for a man.

Well, let's just say we were looking for some cultured men.

You see, Miss Hopper, The travel folder on this cruise to Havana promised us

romance, excitement, adventure.

Well, we soon found out that things were quite different. Apparently, a lot of

women had the same idea.

Hi, any luck?

I have searched this boat stem to stern, top to bottom, fore and aft, and I

haven't found one available man.

I hate to tell you, Lucy, we're traveling on a floating YWCA.

Brother, they weren't kidding when they said this ship was on its maiden voyage.

Well, wait till I get my hands on that cruise director.

You remember how he promises all this romance and excitement and adventure?

Ha! Yeah.

Well... There's another dance on board tonight. Do you want to go?

Ah, do you?

On one condition.

Tonight you lead.

Well, he's better than nothing.

I was looking for something a little younger.

Yeah, so was I.

You know, the farther we go, the younger he looks.

Let's ask him if he'll go to the dance with us tonight, huh?

Pardon us, sir. Pardon us. Well, how do you do?

My name is Susan McNamara. And I'm Lucy McGillicuddy.

I'm Freddie Mertz. Well, how do you do, Mr. Mertz?

saying that you look like the kind of man that would be a good dancer. Do you

like to dance?

Do I like to dance?

Well, I'm a regular dancing fool. Are you really?

You

know,

there's a dance on board tonight, but I suppose a man like you already has a

date. Yes, he has.

This is Mrs. Mertz, Lucille McGillicuddy, and Susie McNamara. How do

Come on, Freddy, we're going to play ping pong.

I can't play ping pong now, honey bunch.

I've got an appointment with a barber to have my hair cut.

Oh, honestly, you pay more attention to that hair than you do to me.

Sometimes I wish you were bald.

Oh, yeah?

Well, don't worry. That's one thing that'll never happen to me.

Are we having a jolly time?

Yeah, how about tossing around the old medicine ball?

How about tossing around some young men?

Oh, come now. Got to keep in shape, you know.

For who?

You promised us this cruise was going to be romantic. How can it be romantic

without any men?

Well, sometimes our passenger list doesn't balance out just the way we

would. Oh, you can say that again.

Well, let's have a little workout.

It'll take your mind off men.

You leave our minds right where they are.

Listen, you know, I have a notion just to report you to your company director.

Why did you give us false information?

Please, Miss McGillicuddy, take your hands off my whistle.

I'll let you in on a little secret.

There is an eligible man on board. In fact, one of the most eligible men in

America. Who is it?

Rudy Valli.

is on this boat, how come we haven't seen him?

Yeah. Well, due to an excess of feminine admirers, Mr. Valley has wisely chosen

to remain locked in his cabin.

Oh.

And I don't suppose you'd choose to tell us what cabin he has wisely chosen to

stay locked into.

No, I don't suppose I would.

And I don't want you girls up here on deck bothering him when he takes his 11

'clock stroll tonight.

if Mr. Kennard ever hears about this, I'll be demoted to the Albany night

You don't have to worry about us. We won't bother him. No, of course not.

No. Oh, what a relief.

Well, don't forget, hot bouillon and soda wafers at snack time.

Bye.

good at bridge.

Oh, thank you.

I think I'll see the movie they're showing. Oh, good.

It's a double feature. Oh, is it?

I thought you were the movies.

Oh, I was, but I just couldn't stand it any longer.

Oh, what was showing?

A hundred men and a girl.

Yes, I see what you mean.

Shouldn't you be getting back to your bridge game?

Oh, yes, I guess I should.

And shouldn't you be getting back to the movie?

Yeah, I guess I can get back in now.

Cartoons probably are.

like this.

Likewise.

Admit it, Lucy McGillicuddy, you just sneaked up here to meet Rudy Valley.

You sneaked up here for the same reason. Oh.

Look, why don't you get lost? I was here first. Well, I was here second, and I'm

not budging. Well, neither am I.

Now, look here.

You've got Harold and shipping at the office. I don't know why you want to hog

everybody.

Well, look, I'll tell you what. You let me have Rudy, and I'll let you have

Harold.

Big deal.

What if I throw in Wilbur in accounting?

I don't care if you throw in Wilbur, the whole accounting department, and that

new salesman. We don't know if he's married or not yet.

I'm staying right here.

Well, so am I.

And I'm keeping Harold, too.

Good evening, Mr. Valley. Good evening, Mr. Valley. It's a lovely evening for a

stroll, isn't it? Yes, it is. Mr. Valley, there's nothing like the sea

there, Mr. Valley?

Absolutely. It's splendid for my sinus condition.

That's the secret of my singing.

Oh, is that so? You mean it clears your... It clears your sinuses?

No, it clogs them.

Oh!

you haven't got him stashed away somewhere.

If I had him stashed away, I'd be stashed away with him.

Very strange.

Gee.

Most right, right.

Anyway, pardon me. Have you seen Rudy Valley?

I went that way. I mean, he...

walk on this very deck at a

Wake your smile up. Rip your frown off.

We've got plenty of reason to grin.

Do you see what I see? From over there I see our ship is coming in.

Turn the town on.

Shine the streets up.

Call your neighbors and send for your kin.

I've got the rumberos. Got souvenirs.

Our ship is coming in.

Thank you.

Lots of things to see. And do. And listen to. And buy. By that he means

your service by night or day.

We'll drive you to the new Havana state.

He means you're gonna meet the air.

That's our horse, Old Payne. Knows every point of interest in the town.

He's anxious to show you why.

You'll learn Havana's magic word.

I'm so glad we got to know each other. So am I.

I hope you have a nice time today.

Thank you. Thank you. Mr.

Valley, I'm awfully sorry about what happened.

Yes, how is your cold?

At least you didn't get pneumonia.

No thanks to you.

Fortunately for music lovers everywhere, I was on the Yale swimming team.

Mr. Valley, can you ever forgive me?

No. Oh.

Well.

Oh, come on now, girls. Don't look so down at the mouth. I'm sure you'll find

romance here in Havana. Now, just don't give us that romance routine again.

I am going straight to your steamship company and demand all of my 84 .50

Yeah.

I've had more romance.

You see those two fellows over there?

Yeah. What about them? They're just dying to meet you.

They are? They are, really?

Yes. However, introductions in Cuba have to be handled very delicately. So you

wait here.

Oh.

How do you like that?

We didn't get a fare again.

I don't understand it. Yeah, well, I do. People just don't like to drive in a

horse -drawn cab anymore. They want an automobile.

Well, I don't care.

They have more fun. when they ride with us. Well, nobody rides with us.

Well, if they did ride with us, they'd have a lot more fun. Oh,

Ricky, Ricky, look, look, pardon and let's face it. We're gonna have to get

of you hoping to do that. Shh, shh, shh. He'll hear you. It's very sensitive.

Would you fellows like to earn ten dollars?

Yeah. What do we have to do?

Escort two young ladies around town and show them romantic Havana.

Which two? What's the difference? We'll do it.

It's those two ladies right over there.

Now, I want you to have them back at the hotel by midnight, and I'll be waiting

out in front to pay you. Oh, sure. Fine. Thank you. Good.

Just give me a moment, and then come over and introduce yourself. All right.

Well,

they were very shy, but I arranged everything.

Oh, thank you. That's very nice of you. Thank you. Have a good time.

Thank you.

the one with the mustache.

So do I.

I was thinking of the other one for you.

The one with the shoe button on it.

Encantado, señorita. How do you do? And I'm Ricky Ricardo.

Oh, how do you do? My name is Susan McNamara. Susan McNamara. And this is

Lucy... McGillicuddy.

How do you do? How do you do, Mr. Garcia?

Miss McGillicuddy?

McGillicuddy.

Your luggage here? No, not yet.

Would you excuse us for a minute, please? Surely.

Excuse me.

I'll take the blonde.

That's the one I want. you take the other one the other one is not my type

This is Paradise Point.

See, right over there. It's supposed to be the most romantic spot in all Havana.

It is said that if a boy and a girl look at that view together, they instantly

fall in love.

happens that I do. He was on the boat with us, and he went overboard for me.

sure.

All right, if you don't believe me.

Susie, don't I know Rudy Valley?

Susie?

us to this crummy little place?

Because my uncle owns this crummy little place.

What do they call it?

El tambor. What?

El tambor. It means drum.

See, all the tables.

Every table is a drum, see?

Very clever.

Would you like to order now?

Oh, uh, would you like a drink before dinner? Our Cuban rum is very famous.

thank you. I don't drink.

How about you?

Want to kill a query?

Oh, thank you.

For nada.

What?

For nada.

It means you're welcome.

Oh.

Very nice.

Violeta.

Violeta? Sí.

Violeta.

You know, now that I look at this place, it's really quite picturesque. I'm

sorry I called it crummy.

Oh, that's all right.

Now that I look at it, it is kind of crummy, yeah.

No, it isn't. It's really very nice.

You know, you're very cute when you smile.

So are you.

Gracias.

Pornada.

Very good.

Violeta Pornada. Gracias. Gracias.

Pornada.

Would you care to dance?

Si, si.

You know, you dance very well for a foreigner.

I'm not a foreigner. I'm an American.

I know, but this is Cuba.

Oh, that's right. Yeah. I forgot.

Do

people

always dance this close in Cuba?

We don't dance as close in America.

Well, Cuba's a lot smaller than America.

That's true, yes.

This is wonderful.

Lucy.

Oh.

Come on, honey.

Ricky. That was fun.

Oh, what about a number for us? Oh, no, not tonight. I don't want to sing. Oh,

come on, Ricky.

I love your singing.

You do?

Yes.

All right, senorita.

Just for you.

Oh, fine.

When his heart is too full for words A man's guitar

speaks for him Or he may... Make his

violin sing When his lady is convincing

You may think I'm at a disadvantage

But I, I, I, I manage

When

a señorita whispers

smile at her and say that means I love

you she may argue when I try to steal a kiss

but the winning argument is this

People on the...

Not here, please.

If you're having trouble, follow my advice.

It sure happens fast, doesn't it? Yeah.

Ain't a more grand.

It's real bueno.

Si, si.

What are we so happy about?

When we get on that boat tomorrow, we'll never see them again.

That's right.

Lucy, why don't we stay down here and get jobs?

Oh, I couldn't do that. Well, why not?

Well, what would I do? I don't know how to write shorthand in Spanish.

Well, you don't know how to write it in English either.

Look who's talking. The queen of the coffee breaks.

What does that mean?

That means I'm pooped.

Let's go to bed.

That room is right up there, see?

Boy, I sure must be in love. I never thought I'd be serenading anybody for

Me either.

Fellas, Ben, I've been looking all over for you. I wanted to give you your

money.

What money?

You know, for taking out the girls.

Here you are, $10 for taking those pests off my hands.

Oh, look, we don't want your money.

Huh?

We're in love.

Say, we're in love.

Well, that's wonderful.

I'll never forget you, and Mr.

Kennard will never forget you either.

This guitar speaks.

hoping one of them would turn out to be Mr.

Right. They were just a couple of gigolos. They were paid to take us out.

Oh, isn't that terrible?

Imagine being paid to take a girl out.

How do you like that, Fred?

I like that fine.

Yeah. What?

Is it an American custom to drop a flower pot in the head of the man you

Is it a Cuban custom to accept money for taking out the woman you love?

What are you talking about?

We saw that man pay you off for taking us out. Yes.

And in America, we have a name for men like you. Yeah.

Take you out?

No, you know, he was going to, but we wouldn't take his money.

Oh, sure.

No, you can ask the fellow yourself.

Yeah, why don't you ask the man?

I wouldn't take money for taking you out.

Ricky, is this the truth?

Trust my heart.

Cuban Scout's honor.

Shall we believe them?

Well, how could anybody so tall, dark, handsome, and beautiful be a liar?

You sure are cute when you smile.

You know, we do have a custom in America.

After you have a fight, you kiss and make up, don't we, Susan? Yeah.

That's a very lovely custom. That's a wonderful custom.

I couldn't sleep at all. Why not?

Well, I had a throbbing pain.

That's all right, dear. As a matter of fact, I'm glad it happened because it

gave me time to think. You're lucky. All it gave me was a headache.

Really, I think I got a wonderful plan. Yes. What?

Well, you know that Carlos and I, we have to have guaranteed jobs to go to

America. I know that. I know that. Well, you said...

that Rudy Valli was a very good friend of yours, didn't you?

Yeah,

why?

Well, Carlos plays the guitar, and I play the drum and sing, and if Rudy

is such a good friend of yours, you could get him to give us an audition,

could give us a job with his orchestra, and we could all go to America together.

Magnifico, Ricky, that's a wonderful idea.

Come on, dear. Talk to him.

Now? Yes, dear. Go ahead.

Now? Go on.

We'll walk it out of the car and we'll do the next thing right here.

We'll see.

Pardon me, Mr. Valley.

Oh, no. It's you again. Yes, I'm afraid it is. Could I talk to you for a moment,

Mr. Valley? It's very important. Well, some other time. Well, Mr. Valley, look,

I don't blame you for being upset about what happened on the boat, but... I must

talk to you for just a minute, please.

It grieves me to say this to anyone, but my time is not your time.

Mr. Halley, please, I've just got to talk to you for one minute. I've met

type of fan, but, young lady, you are certainly unique.

Well, thank you, thank you. I am one of your biggest fans, and my friends over

there, they're big fans of yours, too.

As a matter of fact, they are all officers of the International Route...

So won't you just come over and say hello to them? Tell them to write me and

I'll send them autographed photographs.

Mr. Valley, I don't think you understand.

I do think you should come over there. You see, this is an emergency.

You see that blonde there? Yes, yes. Well, she is a troublemaker. I am having

great difficulty keeping her from swinging the whole group over to that

being somebody or other.

I suppose that does call for the personal touch. Yes, it does. I recall a

similar problem several years ago when I was forced to stump the... to stem the

rising tide for Nelson Eddy.

Ah.

You know what I mean, then. You know just what I mean. So the personal touch

called for.

Well, here he is. I was telling Mr. Bailey what big fans we are of his and

we adore his singing. Oh, yes.

I could listen to you sing all day. So could I.

What about you? About me? Oh, I think I have every record you and your

Connecticut Yankees ever made.

Every record you have, for I'm just a vagabond lover in search of a sweetheart

at sea. Oh, yes, I love that one. And my friends Mickey and Carlos here. And do

you also have old Phil, the steins, the dear old man, shouts till the rafters

ring.

Oh, you sing that one beautifully.

Do you know Cialito Lindo?

Yes. Cialito Lindo, I'm afraid I don't. Well, it just so happens that they do. I

don't know Cialito Lindo, but I do know the Whip from Pooh song.

We are poor.

Rudy Valley.

Listen to someone else.

Mr. Valley, I don't mean to be rude, but we don't have much time, and I want you

to hear Carlos and Ricky sing before the boat leaves. That's why we asked you to

come over here.

Then am I to assume this was all a ruse and that you're not members of my

international fan club? Well, now, not exactly. No, we are big fans of yours,

and we adore your singing. But I... You're nothing but a prevaricating

charlatan.

What?

barricaded charlatan?

What does that mean?

I don't know, but it sounds awful.

You take that back. Yeah, thank you very much. Keep out of this, you unpleasant

peasant. Now, now, how dare you call him an unpleasant peasant? You Crosby

lover.

That's right.

Why didn't you want to let this boy sing?

I didn't know why they wanted to sing for me until it was too late.

That's all right. I have another guitar.

You have another guitar, juez?

Oh, señor juez, gracias. Muchísimas gracias.

Gracias.

Chau.

Get your exit permit. We'd better get going.

Who's going to pay for the damages? Yeah, the damages.

How much?

Boy, I don't have any money.

I don't either.

Well, I don't have that much money.

The king will insist.

How about you?

I have to call my boss and find out. He's picking it up.

Oh, gosh, he'll never make that phone call. Oh, yes, they will. Yes, they

Well?

It's busy. Oh.

Here's $100. That ought to cover it. Now we can all go.

None of us will make the boat.

We've got to go back and pack and check out of the hotel.

Yeah, so do we. Well?

It's still busy. Oh, dear.

Look, would you pack for us and we'll meet you on the boat? We're in 6B. Would

you do that? Oh, we'd be happy to. Don't worry. Don't worry. I got the hotel.

I got the hotel.

Hello, boss. Yes.

They want to know how much the damage has come to.

I'll tell them.

It says it comes to $235.

$235 for what?

157 broken dishes. three marble tables like that. Oh, never mind. How much have

you got, Susie? See, I've only got $17.

I got $25. That's $100 and... And $142.

$142. The damages are $235.

You are $93 short.

Oh. I don't suppose you take a discount for cash.

They like to kill my life. Take this, Henry.

What for?

We like our prisoners to be comfortable.

I guess they bring the bread later.

Director, an apology.

Thanks to that boy, we both met the men of our...

The men of our what?

The men of our... What?

Dreams. Oh, I beg your pardon. Oh, that's quite all right.

I know how to cure those hiccups. I don't care about your hiccups, but I've

certainly got them now.

Oh, here, honey.

back here for us.

What makes you so sure?

What?

What makes you so sure?

Maybe they are just a couple of gigolos and they're using us to get to America.

They wouldn't do a thing like that.

that you...

enough for Mrs. Yule Brenner, it's good enough for you.

Ricky, how long did you stay with Rudy Valli's band?

One night.

One night?

Rudy traded him to Xavier Cougat for a xylophone player.

How about that? And all because he claimed that he could not understand me

I sang the Waffenpuff song.

for being with us tonight.

And we sincerely hope that you're going to join us in our future shows in which

we have some wonderful guest stars like Tallulah Bankhead, June Haver and Fred

McMurray, Betty Gravel and Harry James, and many, many others.

I especially want to thank the United States Steel Hour for delaying the start

of the program tonight.

And I urge you to stay tuned for their wonderful show, The Locked Door,

Ralph Bellamy and June Lockhart.

Ball Desi Arnaz Show.

Directed by Jerry Thorpe.

Written by Madeline Martin, Bob Carroll Jr., Bob Schiller, and Bob Whitebaugh.

Produced by Bert Granat.

Executive Producer Desi Arnaz.

Others in tonight's cast were Frank Nelson, George Trevino, Nestor Paiva,

Joaquin Del Rio, Vincent Padula,

The Lucille Ball -Dessie Arnaz Show is a Dessie Lou production.