Original subtitles

Come on, honey. Oh, boy, it sure was freezing out, wasn't it?

It's nice and warm in here, I'm glad.

Mommy! What?

Why do we... have to come in? Because you were cold, honey.

No, I wasn't. Yes, you were now.

It's real cold out. Hi, honey.

Did you have fun in the park? Yeah, but it was so cold.

There you are, baby.

I'm so cold. Here, here's your apple, honey. Go play with your train now. So

long. Oh, F.

I'm just frozen.

Honestly, there's only one way I'm ever going to be able to stand this New York

winter. How? Spend it in Florida.

Well, winter is officially here.

We've had our first cold wave, Fred's put on his red flannels, and you've

started your annual Let's Send Lucy to Florida campaign.

Well, I don't see any reason why we couldn't spend just a few weeks in

Don't talk... to me. Talk to Ricky. I'm going to, but it won't do any good.

He'll have a million excuses.

It's too far, it's too expensive, and he can't get away.

Those are three of the worst excuses I've ever heard in my whole life. It's

ridiculous leaving us up here in this miserable weather when we could be down

south enjoying the sunshine.

But does he ever think of us? No, he just thinks of himself.

Hi.

Hi, honey.

Don't honey me, you selfish beast.

it's time to play that well -known parlor game, Kick the Cuban.

Good luck, amigo.

What's the matter with everybody?

Why can't we go to Florida?

Well, first of all, there's a lot... Who said anything about Florida?

I did, but we can't go because it's too far, it's too expensive, and you can't

get away.

I didn't say a word.

Well, can we go?

No.

Why not?

Because it's too far, it's too expensive, and I can't get away.

Everybody goes to Florida for the winter. Even the birds go south.

All right, I'll make you a deal.

If you can get there the same way the birds do, you can go.

Now, Ricky, listen. Look, Florida is out of the question, so don't nag me.

Coming,

dear. Don't go away. I got a lot of nag I haven't even used yet.

And this is Paul.

Oh, yeah. Hi, Paul.

Say, I got great news for you. I just spoke to Orson Welles' agent.

He's all set to do the benefit.

Hey, I'll meet you here this afternoon for rehearsal.

Oh, that's just wonderful.

Listen, is he going to do the same act that he did in Las Vegas?

Yeah, some Shakespeare and, of course, his magic routine.

Oh, that is just great. What time am I supposed to meet him?

Four here at the club.

He's tied up autographing record albums at some department store until then.

Okay, I'll be there.

Oh, by the way, Orson needs an assistant for his magic axe, so I suggested Lucy

to him.

You did?

Yes. You are fired!

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. You don't have to blow your top. It's only a

benefit. Look, whenever Lucy gets into the act, nobody benefits.

I'm sorry. I'll get out of it. Yeah, well, tell him that she's going out of

town. Oh, is she? She is now. She's going to Florida.

Oh, well, okay, I'll tell him. Okay, I'll see you later.

And another thing. You've always wanted little Ricky to know how to swim. If we

went to Florida, he could take swimming lessons.

I agree with you. Yeah, that's right. Don't listen to reason. Just be pig

-headed and stubborn and keep us here all. What did you say?

I said that you were absolutely right.

Oh, honey.

Little Ricky and you should go to Florida. Do you really mean... Of course

I have been a selfish beast. Oh, no, you haven't, honey.

Oh, honey,

you're the best husband in the whole world. Oh, thank you. You and little

can leave right away.

I'll come down as soon as I can. Okay, honey. Guess what? Guess what? Ricky's

sending me and the baby to Florida.

Wonderful. Isn't that great? I'm going to tell the baby, honey.

this cold weather myself.

Well, you won't have to worry about the cold, honeybirds.

I won't? Nope.

Tomorrow I'll run out and buy you a brand new hot water bottle.

Ricky?

Yes, dear?

If I'm going to Florida, I'm going to have to buy a lot of new clothes.

You're right.

happened to him? I don't know, but let's get to the store before he snaps out of

it.

Well,

I promised little Ricky I'd get him a beach ball. Oh, they ought to have one

here. See, those are volleyballs.

Oh, Ethel, look at this.

What is that?

Skin diving equipment.

Oh, just what you need.

You're right. I'm going to Florida. I'm going to... skin dive. Now, Lucy, don't

you get into enough trouble on dry land.

May I help you? Yes, I'd like to see some of the skin diving equipment.

You know, I'd kind of like to try some of it on and see how it works. Oh, well,

this is our complete skin diving kit. Just step this way, please. Skin diving

kit?

I'll wait out here. All right, honey.

Okay, thank you.

Oh, don't just follow me.

Right in front of the department here.

Now, if you select your records here, you'll be here any moment. Oh, pardon

sir, but... Why is this crowd gathering?

Oh, they're waiting for Mr. Orson Welles.

Orson Welles! Yes, he's going to autograph his new Shakespearean album.

He'll be here any moment. He'll be here? Right here?

In just a little while. Here he comes.

18 years ago. What kept you?

I'm sorry. Oh, here. Let me help you.

I'm sorry, but you see, I'm going to Florida.

Underwater all the way, I presume.

No, no, of course not.

Mr. Wells, Mr. Wells, I've seen everything you've ever done.

In movies, on the stage, in television. I think you're just marvelous. Me too.

Just marvelous. Me too. I think so too.

Mr. Wells, you won't believe this, but I played Shakespeare in high school.

I believe it.

lead in Romeo and Juliet in the senior play. Did I ever tell you that?

32 times.

Oh, oh, uh, Mr. Wells, Mr. Wells, my dramatic teacher said that I was the

Juliet she'd ever seen, and she said that she wouldn't be a bit surprised if

ended up as a star on the Broadway stage.

You took 16 curtain calls.

There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

You were in the audience.

Alas, no.

How did you know?

Oh, every girl I ever meet has played poor Juliet to an audience that's

practically awash with overactive tear ducts.

But I really was, and they really were.

If you don't believe me, ask Miss Hannah.

Who's Miss Hannah?

Who's Miss Hannah?

Just the greatest dramatic teacher Jamestown High School ever had, that's

Oh, I see. How many albums would you like? Well, I'd like one. Just autograph

to Ethel Mertz, please.

I'd take two, only we haven't got a phonograph.

I'll take one, and please autograph it to that great Shakespearean actress,

Ricardo.

Lucy Ricardo?

Where have I heard that name before?

Romeo and Juliet, Jamestown High School.

You're Ricky Ricardo's wife.

Oh, you know him?

Well, of course I'm doing that charity benefit at his nightclub.

You are?

Well, yes, and I'm terribly sorry you couldn't take me up on my offer.

Offer? What offer?

Well, I wanted you to help me out in the act, but Ricky said you were going to

Florida. Oh, he did, did he? Yeah. How do you like that?

How do you like that?

That conniving Cuban.

No wonder he was so nice to you. He just wanted to get you out of town until Mr.

Wells blew over. How about that?

Mr. Wells.

Well, you're going to Florida. Oh, I'll change my mind. I'd love to do the show

for you. Can I have the job, Mr. Wells? Can I? Can I? Can I?

Mrs. Ricardo, please, take your flippers off me.

Well, I'm sure you can handle it very nicely. If you'll just come over to your

husband's nightclub this afternoon, we can rehearse. I'll be there, sir.

I'll be there. Did you hear that? I got the job. I got the job. I'm going to do

Shakespeare with him. Goodbye, Mr. Wells.

Farewell. Farewell.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

So we'll just charge these albums and send them out tomorrow.

Yes, that's right, operator.

Jamestown, New York, 4755.

Please.

Hello? Miss Hannah?

Yes? Miss Hannah, this is Lucy Ricardo.

Who? Lucy Ricardo.

Lucy McGillicuddy. Who?

Juliet.

Juliet McGillicuddy?

No, Miss Hannah.

I played Juliet.

Herman Schlupp was Romeo.

Herman Schlupp. Now, let me see.

Herman was so short, we had to lower the balcony two feet.

Oh, of course. Lucy McGillicuddy. Well, how are you, little Lucy?

I'm fine, Miss Hannah.

Guess what? I'm going to do Shakespeare with Orson Welles. Well, what class was

he in, dear?

No, Miss Hannah, the famous Orson Welles.

That one? Oh, how exciting.

Yes, isn't it?

We're appearing at my husband's nightclub this Friday night here in New

and I thought maybe you could come up and watch me perform.

Friday? Yes.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear, but it's the drama class's opening night of a cane mutiny

court -martial. One of the boys is sick, and I may have to play Captain Queeg.

Oh, well, I'm sorry, Miss Hannah.

Well, may I send you the notices?

Oh, would you, my dear? Thank you so much.

And good luck, Lucy. And remember, project play to the balcony.

Oh, I will, Miss Hannah.

Goodbye. I mean, goodbye.

No, not yet.

I thought I heard someone say an aye -aye -aye.

That was me. I'm practicing playing to the balcony.

Oh.

I heard all that yelling, and I thought you two were having a fight.

Well, stick around, girl.

I'm going to tell him just what I think of his little scheme of shipping me out

of town.

Hi, honey. Hi. Hi, Ethel.

Well, did you find some nice clothes for Florida?

Yes, I found a lot of cute things at Macy's. Good.

After all, I want my wife to be well -dressed.

Guess what else I found at Macy's? What?

Orson Welles.

And we had a very interesting little chat.

Bye.

Where do you think you're going?

From the look in your eyes, back to Cuba.

You'll come right back here.

What a cheap chiseling trick trying to bundle me off to Florida just to keep me

from playing Shakespeare with Orson Welles. What are you talking about

Shakespeare?

All he wanted you to do was help in his magician act.

He did not want me to help in his magician act.

He did, too. He just wanted you to hand him things while he performs. I don't

believe you.

It is true.

As a matter of fact, that's why I turned him down. I was only thinking of you.

How do you figure?

Well, it was such a nothing part that I wanted to...

Save you the embarrassment of having to turn him down.

Now you understand?

Well, when you put it that way, yes, I understand.

Ah, now I knew you would.

Thank you for protecting me. I will always do that.

I'll talk to you when I come back from the club.

All right. I'll just stop by to pick my briefcase. Okay. Hey, goodbye.

Goodbye, Rick.

Goodbye, dear.

Goodbye.

What a sweetheart.

What a phony.

What do you mean?

You didn't believe all that hokum, did you? That's just another one of his

tricks.

Lucy, are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure. Would he send me all the way to Florida just to keep me from

handing Orson Welles a hat full of rabbits?

No.

What a phony.

It's Shakespeare, all right.

Ethel, will you cue me? I want to go over my lines again.

Sure, I will.

Gee, I just want to be letter perfect when I go to rehearsal.

Who knows? With Orson Welles playing opposite me, I might even top my

performance at Jamestown High School.

Listen,

I like some of these pictures. They're very good. This is good.

I don't like this one. It's too much teeth.

All right. Put all those rabbits in the cloakroom and I'll be... Hi, Orson.

Hello, Rick.

Glad to see you. Thank you.

Listen, it's just wonderful of you to do this benefit for us. Oh, it's my

pleasure. You know, I saw your act in Las Vegas and I thought... Really? Yes,

great. Thanks.

Incidentally, Lucy wouldn't be able to be your assistant after all.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I saw her in Macy's and she told me that she'd love to do it. Yeah, I know, but

you changed your mind.

Will you sit down? I'll get you some coffee. Sure, sure.

I guess you'll just have to find somebody else to sew in half.

I don't saw anybody in half anymore. I do the levitation trick.

The what?

The levitation.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, she can do that, whatever it is.

Well, that's where I raise somebody off the ground, you know. Uh -huh.

Well, Lucy's two feet off the ground always anyway, but she can't do it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Better safe than sorry. Why?

Well... It just seems that every time that Lucy gets close to famous people,

something happens to them. You mean she really did all those things in Europe

and Hollywood?

Every one of them.

They call me a character.

Well, I could tell you stories about this girl that you wouldn't believe.

Like one time... Oh, Ronnie!

A Capulet.

What do you think, Mr. Wells?

Well, that had its moments.

There was a certain indefinable something about it. What about it,

Lucy, I thought I told you that Mr.

Wells wanted you for his assistant in his magic act.

You don't think I fell for that, do you?

No, but it's true. I really do.

Oh, Mr. Wells, I promised my dramatic teacher that I was going to do

with you. I even promised I'd send her the notices.

Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

Lucy, can't you see that Mr. Wells does not want to do Shakespeare with you? You

keep out of this.

Mr. Wells, won't you at least read a scene with me? It's been my lifelong

ambition to do Shakespeare with you, Mr. Wells. Lucy. I think you're the

greatest Shakespearean actor in the whole world. I think you're better than

Gielgud. I think you're better than Maurice Evans.

I think you're better than...

than Sir Ralph Richardson.

You left out Lawrence Olivier.

Well, I think you're better than he is, too. You really think so? Yes, I do, Mr.

Wells, I really do. Please do Shakespeare with me. Just read a scene

so that I can tell my grandchildren about it someday.

Please, Mr. Wells, what man art thou that dost be screened at night so

on my counsel?

Lucy, can you say that Mr.

Wells does not want to do Shakespeare with you?

You keep out of this.

I know not how to tell you how I am.

My name is hateful to myself.

Had I it written, I would tear the word.

Had I it written, I would tear the word. That's the cue.

Had I it written, I would... I know, I guess I'm a little nervous at last

playing with the great Orson Welles. Oh, why don't we do my favorite scene?

What's that? For fear of that, I still will stay with you never from this

of dim night.

Depart again.

Oh, that one? Well, I'm already dead in that scene.

Yes.

Here, here will I set up my everlasting rest. Mr. Wells, you just have a

soliloquy in that one. And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this

-wearied flesh.

Eyes, look your last.

Arms,

take your last embrace.

And lips, so you the doors of breath seal with a righteous kiss.

A dateless bargain to engrossing death.

Come bitter conduct.

Come unsavory guide.

Thou desperate pilot.

Run at once thy seasick weary bark.

Here's to my love.

O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick.

Thus, with a kiss, I die.

Boy, you're sure a lot better than Herman Schlupp.

Thank you.

You're just wonderful. Mr. Wells, are you sure you won't change your mind and

let me do just a little Shakespeare in your act? Well, you see, the way the act

is built... You know, I'm a lot better when I'm not nervous, Mr. Wells.

The way it's arranged, we just do the soliloquies, you understand? But my

still stands for you to do the assistant in the magic act.

Well, I don't know.

Take it or leave it. I'll take it. All right. Come on. Let me show you. Oh,

honey, aren't you excited? This is going to be your big night.

Yeah, what a comedown from a Shakespearean actress to a magician

What are you complaining about? I turned out to be the stooge's hairdresser.

Come in.

Miss Hannah.

Lucy McGillicuddy. Oh, Miss Hannah, what a surprise.

Oh, this is Miss Hannah, my high school dramatic teacher. Miss Hannah, Mrs.

Merck. Oh, I'm so happy.

Lucy's told me all about you, Miss Hannah. Oh, she has. Oh, little Lucy.

Miss Hannah, won't you sit down?

Miss Hannah, what happened to Kane Mutiny Court Martial? Well, we postponed

until Captain Quig gets over the chicken pox.

Well, Miss Hannah... So I brought the rest of the cast with me. You did?

Oh, imagine you in Orson Welles. Oh, I'm sure it'll be an evening of sheer

magic. Say that again.

Miss Hannah, about this evening... My dear, I've been teaching drama for 25

years, and this is the proudest night of my life.

It is? Oh, just to hear you do that balcony scene with Orson Welles.

will make my entire teaching career worthwhile.

Miss Hannah, I have something to tell you. I... Yes?

Juliet?

I'll see you after the show, Miss Hannah. All right, my dear. And remember

I told you. Project... Yes.

...tappingly on the tongue.

Lucy, you should have told her. She's in for an awful letdown.

No, she isn't.

What do you mean by that? I am not going to disappoint Miss Hannah.

Somehow, someway, I'm going to do Shakespeare.

Enough of Shakespeare.

We'll try to entertain you now with a few feats of magic, legerdemain, hanky

-panky inside arm snookery.

From the mysterious east.

The inscrutable.

The inimitable.

The mysterious.

Princess Lucy.

Thank you.

Not to make the slightest sound.

The princess is in a state of trance.

Romeo, Romeo.

Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Bravo!

Apparently the princess is not

in a deep enough condition of trance.

Now the princess will feel nothing and

definitely speak nothing.

Oh, Romeo, Romeo.

Now it just happens that I have a pack of playing cards in my hand.

Or if thou wilt not.

Perhaps I will.

Romeo, get me down from here.

I love Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. Has been presented for your pleasure by

Instant Sanka.

The hearty coffee you can drink as strong as you like. It still can't upset

nerves.

The role of Miss Hannah was played by Ellen Corby.

Orson Welles portrayed himself.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.