Original subtitles

And now, I love Lucy.

Oh,

boy,

this is good French pastry.

Ethel, there he is. There who is? Charles Boyer. Where? Oh, not again.

Honey, this is the fifth time you've seen Charles Boyer today.

That is the back of his head. I would know it anywhere.

Hollywood, every guy you pass on the street was Clark Gable. In Paris, it's

Charles Boyer.

I don't care. I have seen every picture he ever made. And if that isn't...

Well, that's the way he would look if he had a beard.

I'm sick and tired of you and your imaginary Charles Boyer. I don't want to

another word about it. All right, all right. You don't have to get mad.

I think he's jealous.

Lucy, are you going to finish that pastry?

No, go ahead. Help yourself.

Fred, did you get the itinerary for Europe yet? Yeah, we're going to stay

here in Europe a lot longer than we planned.

We are?

Here's a list of the places we're planning.

see someone who looks more like that man I keep seeing than anyone we've seen

yet, look over there.

Lucy, that really is him.

Well, it sure looks like him. This time I'm positive.

Come on. Come on, let's get him. Why now?

Why? What's the matter? You're not going to go over there. Why not?

Because something awful is bound to happen. Oh, don't be silly. What could

happen? I don't know. I don't know, but I don't want to be embarrassed.

You somehow or other seem to attract trouble.

Oh, give me one.

good example where I ever attracted trouble.

All right.

We arrived in Paris.

You went sightseeing and we all wound up in jail as counterfeiters.

That could have happened to anyone.

All right. In Hollywood, you went to the Brown Derby for dinner and Bill Holden

ended up with a face full of pie.

That was purely an accident.

Van Johnson.

Well, that.

John Wayne.

That was not my fault.

Come on, let's go. Come on. Just a minute.

You can't go over there like that. Why? What's the matter?

You need lipstick, yeah. Oh, I do? Oh, you do, honey. We better fix your face

a little, huh?

He hasn't ordered yet.

I just wanted to get rid of them. I got an idea. I'm going to go over there and

talk to him. Yeah, let's go have a chat. Sit down, will you?

Two corn balls in this outfit is enough.

Excuse me.

I'm Rico Ricardo.

Oh, yes, of course. How are you? I'm glad to see you. Sit down. Thank you.

My agent cabled me about having lunch with you sometime this week. I was going

to call you at your hotel. I think it's about doing some television shows in the

States on Four Star Playhouse.

Yes, well, I didn't come over to talk business with you. I came over to warn

you. Warn me? About what?

Well, have you ever heard about my wife?

Oh, yes, yes.

Her name is Lucy, isn't it? That's right, yeah.

Yes, yes, I heard all those publicity stories about her.

Yeah, well, I got news for you. Those were not publicity stories.

You mean they were true?

Yes. Well, she must be quite a character.

Well, she's more than just a character. She's a... Oh, yes, yes. We have a word

for her in French.

Val -de -vis.

What does that mean?

Screwball.

That's the word.

That's exactly the word. Well, look. She's coming over here to ask for your

autograph. Play it safe.

Tell her you're not Charles Boyer. Well, she certainly can see that. I know, but

she's already seen ten men today that she thought was you.

So just tell her that she made another mistake.

All right, Charles?

Charles? But I think you made a mistake, monsieur. My name is Maurice.

Maurice Dubois.

Thank you very much, Mr. Dubois.

It'll be a pleasure to have lunch with you later on. Goodbye, Mr. Ricardo.

you.

Oh, he's a nice fellow. I've been watching him, Rick, and I don't know.

What a dame seeing him.

Well, I guess he's... What's he got that I haven't got?

Nothing. It's just what you got that he hasn't got that louses you up.

Be right back.

Pardon me.

I'm Lucy Ricardo and this is my friend Ethel Mertz. Oh, Mr. Boyer.

I'm terribly sorry to disappoint you, lady, but I'm afraid you've made a

mistake. Oh?

Yes, people are always taking me for Charles Boyer. But I'm not. My name is

Maurice. Maurice Dubois. Oh.

Personally, I don't understand why people make the mistake.

Well, now that I see you up closer, I can tell that you're not Boyer.

Sorry to disappoint you, ladies.

You know, you don't even sound like him, does he?

No. Very good, you know.

That whole resemblance to Boyer has been my downfall. Oh, how come?

Well, you see, I am an actor, too.

Oh. And because I look like him, producers will not hire me. And between

me, I am a much better actor than he is.

Oh, come now. I happen to think that Charles Boyer is a marvelous actor. He

the greatest.

Ha!

Well, that's sour grapes if I ever heard it. Well, you can hardly blame me.

It has changed my whole life.

Oh, well, I can understand that. Well, sorry we bothered you, Mr... Dubois. Oh,

yes. Well, see you... Goodbye.

I'm sorry I'm not Charles Boyer. That makes three of us.

I swore that was him.

Oh.

Come on, let's go. Oh, you get your autograph?

No, that wasn't Charles Boyer.

Are you kidding?

No, it was some ham actor named Maurice Dubois.

Well, what do you...

So much like Boyer. No, not really. Come on.

Come

here,

Fred. Hi, Rick. What do you want?

Listen. Did you give out any publicity about me having luncheon with Charles

Boyer this week?

Of course not.

That must have been done sharp. What's the matter? Agents.

See the Paris Tribune? No.

Listen to this.

International note.

Cuban Ricky Ricardo and French Charles Boyer have a luncheon engagement this

week here in Paris to discuss a deal for American television.

Uh -oh.

How am I going to keep Lucy away from this luncheon?

Well, you could lock her in the closet.

No, you know what I was thinking?

You know, the other day at that restaurant, when I said to her that I

and tired of her imaginary Charles Boyer, she thought I was jealous.

Right? Well, what if I put on a big act and make it really think that I'm

jealous? You're not that good an actor.

Besides so.

Ricky, did you see Buchwald's column?

Yes. Are you really having lunch with Boyer?

Yes, I am. Can I go with you? No.

But Ricky! I said no.

Jealous? Ha!

Fred,

will you pardon me? This is a private matter. Please.

Thank you.

Boyer. He's just a movie star. I haven't even met him. And you're not going to.

Why would I introduce a charming man like Charles Boyer to a gorgeous redhead

like you?

Well... You're not even going to get near him. Do you

hear me?

You're mine.

but I'll be back to your arms as soon as I can.

No, Ethel, I'm not going.

Why not?

I have a big problem.

Ricky is insanely jealous of Charles Boyer.

He is. You should have seen him. He was so mad he was snorting like a bull and

his eyes bugged out something awful.

Worse than they usually do.

What's your big problem?

I should think you'd be delighted.

Well, it's flattering, but it's also very disturbing.

Fred wouldn't smolder if he backed into a blowtorch.

I just got to do something to prove to him that Charles Boyer doesn't mean a

thing to me.

What can you possibly do?

Well, listen, do you remember that actor we met in that restaurant, that Maurice

Dubois? The one that looks so much like Boyer? Yeah, Ricky thought he really was

Charles Boyer, right? He sure did.

Well, I'm going to ask Maurice Dubois. Dubois to come up here and make love to

me right in front of Ricky.

And I won't pay a bit of attention to him, see?

And when Ricky sees that I'm not a bit impressed, he'll realize that he has

nothing to be jealous about.

Oh, boy, this is one of your crazy schemes you can leave me out of.

Who asked you in?

Well, you always do drag me into your crazy schemes.

Well, this is one time I can do without you.

I know this sounds crazy, but I feel left out.

Well, all right, Ethel. Come along if you want to.

No, I don't want to.

I just wanted you to ask me. Oh.

Okay. Good luck. Okay.

I don't think Ethel would like another cafe.

Oh, no, thank you. I've already had seven.

Listen, are you sure you don't know Maurice Dubois?

I'm sorry, no.

Funny, I felt sure he hung around here all the time.

There he is.

Je vous demande pardon, madame. This is Monsieur Charles Boyer.

So he fooled you, too. Well, good. That means he can fool my husband.

Here you are.

Merci, madame. Merci.

Monsieur Dubois?

Monsieur Dubois?

You are Monsieur Dubois, aren't you?

Oh, yes, I see.

Oh, it's nice to see you again.

It's very nice seeing you. I've been waiting for you for hours.

For me? Yes, I have something very important to talk to you about. Oh,

sorry, but I have a luncheon engagement. This is very important.

I have a job for you. An acting job.

Oh, really?

Yes.

Yes, it's a romantic lead.

Do you think you can handle it?

Well, I don't know. I've never done anything like that before.

Well, what kind of acting do you do?

Mostly westerns.

French westerns?

Yep.

that you can do an imitation of Charles Boyer?

Oh, I doubt it.

Oh, he's so... so corny.

Corny? My, you are bitter, aren't you?

Well, and that voice of his, he always sounds like he has indigestion.

Don't worry about the voice. That you can fake. I'll coach you.

All right, I can try, but what's it all about, anyway?

Well, my husband Ricky is insanely...

jealous of Charles Boyer.

No, he is. Yes, of course, there's no sense to. We've been happily married for

15 years.

But I want to prove to Ricky that he has no reason to be jealous.

And where do I come in?

I want you to play a love scene with me in front of Ricky.

And when he sees I'm not a bit impressed, he realizes that he has

jealous about.

Will you do it?

Well, you know, it's a tough assignment. I'm a good actor, but I'm not sure I'm

that good.

Well, we'll see.

Now, I'll give you ten dollars.

That's 3 ,500 francs.

Hey, that's a lot of money.

Yes, it is.

Remember, if you do it well, you never can tell what might happen.

I know a lot of pretty big people in Hollywood.

Oh, well, in that case, I can't afford to turn you down. Good, good. Now, can

you get out of this luncheon today? This? Oh, no, no. I'm afraid not. No?

Well, all right. I'm at the Hotel Royale.

And as soon as you have your little luncheon, you come on up and I'll start

coaching you. I'll be there as soon as I can. Fine. I'll see you later. Goodbye,

Mrs. Ricardo.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

I've been just having a chat with your wife.

What? Don't worry.

She still thinks I'm Maurice Dubois. Good, good. And by the way, she told me

are jealous of Charles Boyer.

I put on a big act for her the other day because I wanted to keep her away from

this luncheon, you know.

What she wants? Wait, wait until you hear the plot. She's cooked up. She

me. Don't do it.

You haven't even heard what it is. It doesn't matter. Don't do it.

Ricky, I think it might be a lot of fun.

She's hiring me to play the part of Charles Boyer.

Aye, aye, aye, aye.

You see, she's really quite concerned about your jealousy.

All right, Maurice, now you know what to do. Let's pretend that Ricky is seated

over there. Go ahead.

Oh, no, no, Maurice. What's wrong?

Charles Boyer doesn't kiss like that.

When you kiss a woman's hand, put some schmaltz into it.

Silence, schmaltz.

ever make a living as an actor.

I often wonder myself.

Well, for one thing, don't just sit there like a bump on the log. Sit up,

up. Try to look romantic like Boyer. All right, and how does your Boyer look

romantic?

Well, for one thing, he gets an expression on his face like he just

the grand ballroom and smelled cauliflower cooking.

I see.

Like that.

Madame Ricardo, I like you very much. No, no, no. The voice, the voice.

Oh. When Boyer is being romantic, he doesn't just talk. He growls. He says,

Lucy, I like you.

Is that the way he sounds?

Well, I'm surprised he got as far as he did.

Just never mind. Now you try it.

That's good. No, no, no, no. I was just clearing my throat.

Lucy, I like you. You're so gorgeous. Keep the face up. Keep the face up.

Remember, cauliflower cooking.

Lucy, I like you.

You're so gorgeous.

That's good, but don't strain your voice now. You've got it. You've got it. You

know, that's hard to do.

That boy must have throat muscles like a horse.

Well, remember the plan now. You're to come by at five o 'clock and tell Ricky

you were just passing and thought you'd drop in.

Of course.

Well, goodbye, Mrs. Ricardo.

Goodbye. I'll see you at five.

Oh, one more thing.

Don't get too close to Ricky. He'll know you're a phony. Oh, I remember.

Goodbye.

Is the phone there?

Lucy, leave the room.

Why? What's the matter?

Somebody's coming up here that I don't want you to meet. So leave the room. Go

over to the Mercer's. Who is it? Who's coming up? Tell me.

All right.

If you must know, it's him.

Him?

Charles Boyer. So leave the room. Go. That won't be necessary.

Lucy. I am going to stay right here and prove to you that Charles Boyer doesn't

mean a thing to me.

Monsieur Ricardo?

Oh, Mr. Boyer, will you please come in?

Mr. Boyer, I'd like you to meet my wife, Lucy.

Lucy Charles Boyer.

Well, I'm delighted to see you.

Hi there.

Will you sit down, please?

Lucy, may I say that you are the most fascinating, the most exciting creature

I've ever seen.

Charles.

I realize that you must think I'm a cad, but when I walked into this room and

saw her, I took leave of my senses. I'm not responsible anymore.

Ah, Lucy.

Lucy, I know I could never have your heart, but at least let me hold your

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Lucy.

Why can you act so indifferent to me when you must realize how I feel about

You want some orange?

Oops.

You want some orange, Ricky?

No, thank you.

Delicious.

trick on you. Fred just spilled the beans.

Who are you mean?

That Maurice Dubois really is Charles Boyer.

Keep him there now. I'm coming right up.

Lucy, who's that on the phone?

Nobody. Lucy, what was I saying before I was interrupted?

I don't know.

Ah, don't run away from this.

It was meant to be.

Lucy, I am drawn to you.

Like a moth to a flame.

I cannot help myself.

I

think

our little game is over. That telephone call was a tip to Rob.

I'm afraid so.

Don't be silly. I knew who you were all the time.

I hope you're not too angry with us.

No. Well, I must run along. I'm supposed to be interviewed on television.

That's right, you told me that. Well, thank you very much. It's been such a

wonderful sport. Not at all. It was fun.

Goodbye, Nicky. Goodbye, Lucille.

wanted to keep you away from him to avert the catastrophe.

I don't trust you with celebrities. Well, you see, you were wrong. He was up

here, and what happened? Not a thing.

Well... Oh, I saw him. I saw him. He was just getting off the elevators. I was

getting on him. Goosebumps all over. What was he like? What was he like? Oh,

Ethel, he was just dreamy. He's so French and so... Oh, boy.

He's just the living end.

Oh, was he romantic like we thought he was?

I want to ask him for his autograph, but I just couldn't do it because... I'm

sorry, dear. I forgot my hat.

my book. I'm glad you saw the video.

I'll keep my coat on. Oh, let me help you. Let me help you put your coat on.

portrayed himself I

Love

Lucy is a Desilu production Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week

at the same time