Original subtitles

And now, I Love Lucy.

Fred.

Hey, Fred.

I'll have this lamp fixed in a minute, honeybunch. Don't worry.

Listen,

I'm sorry I startled you, Fred, but I got a serious problem and I need your

advice. Well, what's the trouble?

Well, my agent has booked me and my band on a tour of Europe. Going to Europe?

Hey, that's terrific.

Now, what's the problem?

I won't be able to take Lucy along.

Well, that is a problem.

Well, you see, it's only a three -week trip, and we'll be doing mostly one

-nighters, so I won't have any time for sightseeing or stuff like that. And

being such a short trip, I can't afford to take her with me. Well, that makes

sense. To you and me, yes, but what about Lucy?

What am I going to do?

Well, you could go out some night to buy a pack of cigarettes and not come back

for three weeks.

Fred.

Hey, I don't know how to fix it. How?

Don't go.

I gotta go.

It's good for my career. Besides, I already signed a contract.

Listen,

suppose I tell her the truth.

You think that maybe she'll be reasonable this time?

I know where you can get eight to five.

I guess I lost my head.

Well, suppose I promised her something else. Suppose I said that later on I

would take her on a wonderful trip to Europe. Just the two of us.

That will never work.

Oh, no. Wait just a minute. Let's see how it sounds. You be Lucy.

I be Lucy? Yes, pretend you're Lucy and I come home. See, and I say, Hi, honey,

I'm home.

Lucy, my agent tells me that he has booked me on a tour of Europe. Europe?

honey, that's wonderful.

Oh,

I can't believe it.

Come on.

I'm going to Europe. Goodbye.

Oh, no, Fred. She won't act like that.

Are we talking about the same Lucy?

If I promised her a wonderful trip later on, I think she'd be reasonable.

My Lucy has red hair and blue eyes. What does your Lucy look like?

Well, let's find a good thing about this idea.

What? It's the only one I've got.

Come on. Let's see how it works. All right. I'm with you.

Hello, Lucy. Honey, I got something to tell you. What? My agent has booked me

and my band on a tour of Europe.

Europe? Oh, honey, oh, honey.

Oh, honey.

Oh, honey.

Oh, Europe, honey. You don't know how I got here. But for years and years and

years.

Carolyn, this is Lucy. Guess what? We're going to Europe. Yes, goodbye.

Just call me Dunninger.

Well, you're married to her. I just read her mind.

Hello, Josephine?

Goodbye, Josephine.

Look, sweetie, we've got a lot of things to discuss.

Oh, I know. My overseas shots, my tickets, my new clothes. I can't take

along. You can't take me along?

I've got to have my luggage and my camera. I've got to take... What do you

you can't take me along?

Honey, look, sit down a minute, will you? I want to explain this to you.

it's a very short trip, darling. It's only about three weeks, and I'll be

mostly one night. I won't have any time for sightseeing or stuff like that. And

being such a short trip, I can't afford to take you along. You understand, don't

you? Yeah, I understand.

Good. Well, why can't I go?

Now, honey, listen, I'll take you on a wonderful trip to Europe later on. Just

the two of us. No, I want to go this time.

But I can't afford it this time.

Oh. Ricky, you never take me anyplace.

What do you mean I never take you anyplace? We just came back from a

trip to Hollywood just a month ago.

Yeah, but where have you taken me lately?

Now, look, sweetheart, you be a good girl. Be a good girl, and I promise you

that next year I'll take you on a wonderful trip to Europe. Just the two

Oh, sure.

I will. I promise you.

Well, okay, if you promise.

That's my baby. What a wonderful wife I got. I knew you'd understand.

Hey, listen, I'll tell you what.

Tonight, just go out for dinner, eh? Just the two of us. Okay.

All right?

Okay, honey.

That's my baby.

Lucy! Lucy, I was just down in the market, and the butcher told me you were

going to go to Europe.

The butcher? How'd he know?

The grocery boy told him. How'd he get it? Well, he just made a delivery to

Marion Strong.

Well, how in the world did Mar...

Oh, Marion Strong. She's just a hop, skip, and a blab from Carolyn Appleby.

What's the difference how they found out? Aren't you excited? When do you

I don't. I'm not going.

What do you mean?

Well, Ricky's only going to be there for three weeks.

Well, you could see a lot of Europe in three weeks.

Yeah, I know, but he's going to be so busy, and I'd be all alone.

All alone in those fancy Paris shops. Just you and Ricky's checkbook.

Yeah, I know, but he doesn't think I ought to go with him.

What husband would?

Oh, Ethel, he'd love to take me if he could. Oh, sure. He would. He said so.

he also said since he couldn't take me this time, he'd take me on a trip next

year all over Europe, just the two of us. And wipe that cynical look off your

face.

He gave me his promise. He never broken his promise to me.

Uh -huh. Oh, you just don't know, Ricky, that's all.

He's a man, isn't he?

Well, yes.

Oh, boy, what a setup for him. Three glorious weeks in Europe. Just the band.

No wives along.

Yeah. And then a whole week on glamorous shipboard. And then London.

And then Rome.

And then Paris.

And he says he can't afford to take you along.

Three weeks isn't long enough.

He'll be too busy.

Oh, brother, did he ever pull the wool over your eyes?

Yeah.

Hi, Ethel. Hi.

Where do you want to go to eat, sweetie?

Don't you sweaty me.

What's the matter?

I know what you're up to, you Cuban wool puller.

I was trying to get you all day yesterday.

Yeah. Say, Barney, how are you like your old job back?

Oh, you're working for Coogie now, huh?

Well, look,

Barney, my agent has booked me on a tour of Europe and I need a good manager.

Yeah, a band manager.

Well, look, I can't think of anybody. If you happen to think of someone that you

think would be good, would you have him call me?

Thanks a lot, Barney. Bye -bye.

Ricky.

Yeah? I'm speaking to you again.

You are?

Yeah, I know a wonderful manager for your band.

Who? Me.

Honey, it wouldn't cost you a cent and I'd get to go along. Oh, look, Lucy, I'd

love to be able to do it, but a band manager has a lot of responsibilities.

He has to keep the luggage straight. He has to see that all the boys get on the

right train. He has to make all the hotel reservations.

Yeah, well, give me a chance. I'll bet I can get your boys all over Europe.

We play a lot better when we're all in one place.

It won't work.

Well, if I raise the money myself, can I go?

Look, if you can raise enough money to go to Europe, let me know and I'll quit

the band business.

You didn't answer my question. If I raise enough money myself and it doesn't

cost you a cent, can I go?

That's impossible.

Well, if I can and it doesn't, can I?

Sure, why not?

God, I'm going to Europe. Oh, boy. I'll call Mother and ask her if she can stay

with the baby for three weeks. Oh, honey.

Oh, really?

Well, there are some conditions. Never mind now. I'm going. Oh, that's

wonderful, Rick. I'm sorry about that. She made me do this, Rick.

I want to ask you something.

Listen,

who used to handle your rack when you were in Vaudeville, you know? Nobody. I

did it myself.

I took care of the bookings, transportation, hotels, and everything.

No kidding.

Yeah.

Maybe you...

No, it wouldn't work. What?

Oh, it was just a wild thought. You wouldn't want to leave Ethel.

Try me.

How would you like to manage the band in this European tour?

Would I?

Brother, you've got a manager.

Oh, wonderful, Fred. Fred is going to Europe.

Oh, Fred, that's wonderful.

You and Mickey and me and...

I'll just stay here alone while you're all having a wonderful trip to Europe.

I don't want to see Europe anyway.

It's so old.

You just sent me a postcard now and then from wherever you at. Oh, Fred, you

have to take Ethel with you.

What do you mean I have to take Ethel with me? Well, think of it, Ethel all

alone here in New York and you all alone in Paris.

Yeah.

Honey, I didn't mean that. You know I didn't. Now, just a minute.

Everybody's getting upset about nothing.

Now, Lucy, you tell him how I said you could go.

Oh, oh, oh, he said I could go if I raised the money for my trip myself.

Oh, great.

Well, that's more like it. Well, Fred, if Ethel raises the money for her trip,

can she go?

Sure, I'm a sport. Why not? Yeah, you see?

Oh, Lucy, we couldn't raise the money for a trip. Ethel, you are not holding a

positive thought.

Now, say, we will be able to raise the money. Say it.

We will be able to raise the money. We will be able to raise the money. Yes,

ma 'am. Now, how much are we going to need? How much are we going to be? Well,

let's see now. Boat fare and travel expenses, hotel, meal. For the two of

I'd say about $3 ,000.

You see?

sofa cushions, $9 .73.

Money for sugar bowls, $29 .25.

Piggy banks, $28 .16.

GTHP, $15 .36.

What's GTHP?

Going through husband's pants.

Oh, yeah.

Didn't you go through Fred's pants?

Every pair, including his World War I cavalry britches.

What'd you get? A handful of lint. and the Woodrow Wilson button.

Now, what does it all come to?

Well, let's see.

$200 and 16 cents.

Not bad, huh?

Oh, great.

Where will we get the other $2 ,800?

How much do you get for selling blood?

Lucy. What's wrong with that?

You couldn't get $2 ,800 worth of blood out of a herd of elephants.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Let's see, how can we take our $200 and make it into $3 ,000?

Yeah.

How about the Irish sweepstakes?

Nah, the odds are too great.

Yeah. What we need is a good local raffle where they're giving away two

trips to Europe and we got all the tickets.

Ha ha, yeah.

Hey!

Why not hold our own raffle?

What? The money we take in would pay for our trip. Now what can we raffle off?

Your brain for thinking up an idea like that. No, no, no. Now, this is good.

People are always raffling off things like automobiles, mink coats, television

sets. That's it. We can take our $200, buy a television set, and raffle it off.

Well, I guess it would work at that. Sure it would.

Only... Only what? Well, raffles are always held for needy causes.

Ethel, at this moment, you and I are the two neediest causes I can think of.

Is it honest?

It's 100 % honest.

Look, we say we're going to have a raffle. We sell tickets. Somebody who

the ticket wins the television set. What could be more honest than that?

I guess it is. Sure it is. Now, all we have to do for our needy cause is think

of a good phony name.

I don't suppose we could call up two bundles for Britain.

No.

It has to sound real.

How about Ladies Overseas Aid?

Well... Look, we're ladies. We want to go overseas, and boy, do we need aid.

Okay, ladies, overseas aid it is. Yes, ma 'am.

Who are you going to call? Mr. Feldman, the man who sold us our television set.

Thought maybe he could give us a good price on one.

Hello? Mr. Feldman? Yes?

This is Mrs. Ricky Ricardo, remember?

Oh, yes.

Is there something wrong with your television set? Oh, no, no, it's fine.

matter of fact, I want to buy another one. Oh?

Yes, we're...

I'm trying to raise money for a needy cause, the Ladies Overseas Aid, and we

want to raffle off a television set. I see.

I thought maybe you could give us a good price on one. The Ladies Overseas Aid?

Yes, it's a new group, but very worthy.

What kind of aid do you give?

Well, just to pick a case at random from our files.

At the moment, we're trying to raise money to send two dear little ladies to

Europe to be with their families.

Oh, that's nice.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll donate a set.

You'll donate a set? Oh, Mr.

Feldman, that's just wonderful of you.

I have an idea.

I'll have your tickets printed for you with my advertising on the back, and

we can hold the drawing in the store here. Is that all right with you? Well,

that is just perfect. We'll be down later and discuss the details with you,

Feldman, and thank you very much. Goodbye.

Europe, here we come! How about that?

Oh, boy, I never knew 3 ,000 tickets would weigh so much.

Hi, Daniel.

My gosh, Ricky's home. Hey, quick, get over here.

Wait a minute.

Yeah, dear.

Yeah, honey.

Hi. Hi, I didn't know you were home, dear. Well, I got home early, so I was

playing with little Ricky. Oh.

Mrs. Trumbull wanted to go to the market. Oh, I see. Well, I'm glad you

time to play with the baby.

Well, I got to run along and start selling my raffle tickets. Oh, yeah, me

I'll see you later. Okay, dear. Bye.

What's this about raffle tickets?

Oh, well, our... Club is wrapping off a TV set to raise money for that well

-known and very worthy organization, Ladies Overseas Aid.

All right. How much?

Oh, well, the tickets are a dollar apiece. How many do you want?

Honey, we've gone through this before. Let's save time, huh? I'll take all the

tickets you have.

Okay. Boy, I'm getting off easy. I thought I was going to have to buy at

20. 20?

Oh, well, let me take another look. Oh, yeah, bye, George. I've got 20.

Yeah, I've got 20.

Here. As long as it is for a worthy cause. Oh, it is. I don't know when a

that seems so worthy to me.

The need of those dear little ladies just gets me. Right here.

No, no, Marge. You don't have to be there.

Yeah. I'll let you know if you win. That is, if you let me off the phone, I'm

going to be late for the drawing.

Oh, someone's at the door. I gotta go, girl.

Bye.

Yes? Mrs. Ricardo?

Yes, sir.

My name's Jameson. I'm from the district attorney's office.

The district attorney's office?

That's right. Won't you come in, please? Thank you very much.

I, uh, understand you're running a raffle today.

Oh, yes, we are. Would you like to buy a ticket?

No, I...

I'd like to ask you a few questions about it. Oh, oh, all right. Well, let's

now.

We're holding the drawing at Feldman's Appliance Store.

The tickets are a dollar apiece. We're giving away rather a large model TV set.

Mrs. Ricardo, tell me something about this organization, the Ladies Overseas

Aid.

Oh.

Well,

if you promise not to tell my husband, because we just sort of made the name

It really should be called The Ethel Mertz and Lucy Ricardo Want to Go to

Aid.

But then nobody would buy a ticket, would they?

We just made it up.

Mrs. Ricardo, if you've been selling tickets under false pretenses, you've

committed a crime.

A crime? Oh, no, you don't understand.

Anybody that buys a ticket buys a chance to win the television set, and someone

will win the television set, so nobody gets hurt, right?

Mrs. Riccardo, the people who bought those tickets thought they were

contributing to a reputable charity. Therefore, you've defrauded them.

Now, fraud is a crime that's punishable by one to ten years in the penitentiary.

But I'm going to Europe. I don't have time for ten years.

Well, you just may have to. Oh, but I didn't know it was a crime. I wouldn't

have done it if I'd known it was a crime.

I understand, Mrs. Riccardo. Now, look, here's what we can do.

If you're willing to call off the raffle and give the money back, we'll forget

the whole thing. I will, I will.

Well, I certainly hope so, because once the drawing's actually held, the

matter's out of my hands and we have to prosecute.

Oh, I hope we can make it in time. The drawing is in 15 minutes. Lizzie, I came

over to ask you... Fred, Fred, I'm so glad you're here. Will you stay with the

baby? I have to go downtown. I'll be right back. Sure, I will. Will you stay

with me, Ricky? Yeah. Okay.

A crime, are you sure?

I can't imagine why Mrs. Ricardo isn't here, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind if

we just went ahead without her, so... Now,

you owe it, Mr. Feldman. Here we go.

This is to keep it honest, you know.

All righty, now shake up those tickets, Mr.

Feldman. All righty.

Here we go.

Let's see who's going to win.

The winning number is... Oh.

Such a dope.

Number 2725.

Oh, that's me.

I'm fine. So, Pierce.

Well, Mrs. Pierce. Oh, congratulations, Pierce.

Oh, you're late. We just had the drawing. Here, take the money. I want

no.

Well, honey, I have something else I haven't thanked them all yet. Oh, you

never know how happy this $3 ,000...

is going to make two dear little ladies.

Mr.

Feldman, thank you so much.

Well, thank you, Mrs. Mertz.

But I really didn't do anything, but I never saw anyone work as hard as Mrs.

Mertz and Mrs. Ricardo.

Oh, come up here, Mrs. Ricardo. Come on, let's bring her.

money. Oh, they worked very hard. They worked so hard, you'd think they were

going to keep the money themselves.

Now, ladies, I have a very pleasant surprise for you. Who do you think is in

town? Who?

Mrs. Walbert.

Mrs. Walbert? Yeah. She called me this morning, and we arranged this wonderful

surprise for you. Now, here she is, all the way from Indiana, Mrs.

Dorothea Walbert.

President of the Ladies Overseas Aid.

My dear, you have done stupendous work. And this money is more than we've

ever received before at any one time for the Ladies Overseas Aid.

And I'm delighted to be here to accept the money in person.

Ethel, give her the money. Give her the money? Give her the money.

Is she going with us?

Now, how about a round of recognition for these two wonderful

women, Mrs.

Ricardo and Mrs. Mertz.

as can be forever forever my darling I'll be

your true love forever and forever

I'll care for you eternally

eternally I've known your kiss

and I've been close to heaven.

The thrill of this will last me till

my life is through.

I make this promise and willingly

I'll keep it for

Forever, forever, forever, forever.

Darling, you will find me.

That

sounds

like a print, Ricky.

Good. Will you pick up the phone? plays as someone from the steamship company.

Oh, thanks. Hello?

Yes?

Well, I guess we could play on the boat, but... What?

You will?

It won't?

Brother, we'll play all the way over.

Yeah, thank you. Listen, I gotta go home and tell Lucy something. I'll be back.

See you later. Goodbye.

Thanks a lot, fellas.

what you did.

Oh, I'm sorry. Where's the baby?

Napping. He got bored.

Oh, well, thanks for babysitting.

Oh, never mind. Did the raffle go all right?

Yeah, it went all right, but we don't care.

No, we don't care.

What canary did you two cats swallow?

Shall I tell him? Go ahead.

We raised the money for our trip to Europe, and legitimately.

How did you two clowns ever get a hold of $3 ,000 legitimately?

You think he's ready?

Tell him.

Well, I suddenly remembered that this building was in my name, so I mortgaged

it.

Hey,

honey.

Honey, I got a letter.

What's the matter? What happened to Fred? I fainted. Ethel told him that she

mortgaged the building so we could go to Europe.

Oh, you didn't have to do that.

No? Why not?

Well, I thought I had to pay the passage for everyone in the band.

But I found out about playing a boar ship. I don't have to. So with the money

saved, you two can come along.

You can take us for a ride.

Hey,

Fred. He didn't hear you. Fred, you listen to me.

Fred, we can all go to Europe and it won't cost you a cent.

at the recording studios, the Pied Piper.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at the same time.